Dude, I know exactly how you feel. I tend to fall in love with/be attracted to guys who seem unattainable in one way or another, and if it turns out that the interest is returned, well, then it's just a matter of time before I loose my interest. Somehow, I always manage to feel a bit of contempt for anyone who shows interest in me, I see a million reasons for why he's not suitable for me, and I almost always think that they're really interested in someone who's not me, that they have an idea of me that doesn't match reality, and that's what they're really interested in. Because of this, I've never managed to have or maintain a serious relationship at the age of 29, either
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and if it turns out that the interest is returned, well, then it's just a matter of time before I loose my interest. Somehow, I always manage to feel a bit of contempt for anyone who shows interest in me
The Howl approach: "It's only fun as long as they're not in love" combined with the Groucho approach: "I don't want to be a member of any club that'd have me as a member." Yeah.
When I was a kid, I used to be in unhealthy friendships, where the other kid was totally dominating me, and making me feel bad about myself.
Ouch. I was lucky that way - most of my friendships were just fine, if not very close. I was very surprised when my mother revealed that they hadn't let me skip a year of school because I was poorly socialized already; I had never seen myself as poorly socialized or my friends as few. I liked being with them, just not all the time.
Another thing that makes this a problem for me is that I really, really would like child/children. That is a problem. I think being a single parent is difficult due to the sheer work load
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Yeah. Your parents thought you were poorly socialised because of that?? O.O
I think being a single parent is difficult due to the sheer work load - if youdon't have an SO, it's still good to have someone else who's willing to share the work, and such people can be hard to find.
Yeah exactly. For the work load and for financial reasons it would be difficult and then... I don't know if this is only due to societal conventions or if it's something more deeply rooted than that, but children tend to want both a mother and a father so, if possible (which it isn't always, of course), I'd like to be able to give that. It would be absolutely great if I could find a gay man (or couple), or a friend of mine who would be willing to be a part-time parent, but it would really have to be the right person, considering what a big task raising a child is, so in the end, I think that might be just as hard as finding a SO you want children with.
I like being able to return them once I'm done with
( ... )
Except there is no way to tell if a person is single because that is their sexuality, or if it is because they just can't find a sig other. But if somebody is *in* a relationship of any sort, you know that they um... have *some* sexuality in the commonly accepted sense of the word.
I really really really wouldn't call it my sexuality. I have a sexuality, and single isn't it. Sure, I don't have much of a sex life, but only because sex = complicated relationship issues I'd rather not deal with. The act itself, when taken away from all that crap, is fun.
You know, that was a very Lynda-esq. entry. Not in the sense that it was shouting at someone called Graham, but just the issues and problems you discuss are I think very similar to a lot of the themes of her character.
Perhaps there's only one person you can live with 24/7 and you just haven't met them yet or on the other hand of course, you might never find them ("This is life, no guaranteed happy endings") but maybe that isn't as scary as it sounds ? it used to scare me, but now I'm very que sera sera about it all.
Cathy xx
PS. The Lynda thing was a compliment by the way. Well, to me at least ! :-D
I've decided not to get married. I don't want to get married, and so I don't see why staying single should have such a bad connotation attatched to it.
Jane Austen and Emily Dickenson never married (though I'm not sure that the last one is something to quote), and I still believe that there are many female authors who would have been better of without it.
To me, it's not so much a question of married or not married - I have nothing against marriage and would just as soon legalize a relationship as not. It's more like... well... that guy was my record "relationship" with one week, and the only reason it lasted that long was because I was avoiding him.
Your last paragraph is so me. I'm like "okay, you've been here for two hours, nice to see you, have a good night."
I don't aspire to get married or have children. I'm perfectly comfortable being a crazy cat lady (though I'm told that I'm too clean for that). Everyone always says that once I'm older, I'll change my mind. (I'm 21.) But you know, I've had the option of marrying someone already. I've been saying that I didn't want to get married/have children since I was 10 and it hasn't changed.
I used to want children as a kid, but mostly because I wanted to name them. I'd write long lists of horrible Mary Sue-ish names. I don't think actually having children around featured much in my daydreams, and my opinion of a SO was always a dark-eyed beauty who touched me in nice ways and fed me four times a day.
It wasn't exactly a fantasy that survived adulthood - especially after I learned how to cook.
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The Howl approach: "It's only fun as long as they're not in love" combined with the Groucho approach: "I don't want to be a member of any club that'd have me as a member." Yeah.
When I was a kid, I used to be in unhealthy friendships, where the other kid was totally dominating me, and making me feel bad about myself.
Ouch. I was lucky that way - most of my friendships were just fine, if not very close. I was very surprised when my mother revealed that they hadn't let me skip a year of school because I was poorly socialized already; I had never seen myself as poorly socialized or my friends as few. I liked being with them, just not all the time.
Another thing that makes this a problem for me is that I really, really would like child/children. That is a problem. I think being a single parent is difficult due to the sheer work load ( ... )
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Yeah. Your parents thought you were poorly socialised because of that?? O.O
I think being a single parent is difficult due to the sheer work load - if youdon't have an SO, it's still good to have someone else who's willing to share the work, and such people can be hard to find.
Yeah exactly. For the work load and for financial reasons it would be difficult and then... I don't know if this is only due to societal conventions or if it's something more deeply rooted than that, but children tend to want both a mother and a father so, if possible (which it isn't always, of course), I'd like to be able to give that. It would be absolutely great if I could find a gay man (or couple), or a friend of mine who would be willing to be a part-time parent, but it would really have to be the right person, considering what a big task raising a child is, so in the end, I think that might be just as hard as finding a SO you want children with.
I like being able to return them once I'm done with ( ... )
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Except there is no way to tell if a person is single because that is their sexuality, or if it is because they just can't find a sig other. But if somebody is *in* a relationship of any sort, you know that they um... have *some* sexuality in the commonly accepted sense of the word.
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Perhaps there's only one person you can live with 24/7 and you just haven't met them yet or on the other hand of course, you might never find them ("This is life, no guaranteed happy endings") but maybe that isn't as scary as it sounds ? it used to scare me, but now I'm very que sera sera about it all.
Cathy xx
PS. The Lynda thing was a compliment by the way. Well, to me at least ! :-D
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It's not terribly encouraging, though, considering that Lynda found someone she loved and she still couldn't bring herself to be with him.
But yeah, it wouldn't be worth being troubled about if it wasn't for a) the occasional randiness and b) all the innocent people I end up dumping.
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Jane Austen and Emily Dickenson never married (though I'm not sure that the last one is something to quote), and I still believe that there are many female authors who would have been better of without it.
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Marriage isn't even on the scale.
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I don't aspire to get married or have children. I'm perfectly comfortable being a crazy cat lady (though I'm told that I'm too clean for that). Everyone always says that once I'm older, I'll change my mind. (I'm 21.) But you know, I've had the option of marrying someone already. I've been saying that I didn't want to get married/have children since I was 10 and it hasn't changed.
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It wasn't exactly a fantasy that survived adulthood - especially after I learned how to cook.
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My cat has been called "Spike" for the past eight years, and it has proven a *big* mistake, since he's the fattest cat I ever saw.
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