How To Apologize, In Three Easy Steps

[katlyn]

Of course, the "easy" part of the title is a lie.

1. Acknowledge there is a problem. Understand that even if you do not believe that something you did or said was hurtful, the other person does. To disregard this feeling is to disregard the other person entirely. If you are confused about what was hurtful, ask. Any reasonable person will tell you

Comments

[violet_tigress1]

It would be nice if more people understood #3.

[katlyn]

It'd be nice if more people understood and practiced -any- of the above, but #3 most importantly.

[skeets]

This should be required reading for everyone in the world.

If ONLY people actually followed this. Jesus. -_-

[katlyn]

I may say "I'm sorry" for a lot of trivial things, because the words themselves are very trivial to me.

The only way to truly apologize is to say, "I see that I've hurt you. What can I do to make it better?" then DO IT. (To the best of anyone's ability... no-one is Superman but I think for most human beings, even watching someone -try- their hardest to fix it will inevitably fix it.)

I've been thinking of this post for well over a year. I'm just now realizing that I -need- to say it.

[skeets]

It needed to be said! This actually really highlights why several "apologies" I've received in the past haven't actually made me feel any better about the given situation.

And yeah, just seeing someone make the earnest effort, even if they don't succeed, is enough to make *me* feel better. :)

[katlyn]

There's nothing more frustrating than someone saying, "I'm sorry" when they actually haven't even bothered to find out what they should be sorry -about-. It's so incredibly empty and hollow, and ultimately disrespectful of the relationship.

Another phrase I absolutely can't stand is, "I'm sorry that you feel that way." It's a way of saying "I'm sorry" without taking -any- responsibility for the actions that may have caused the hurt. "I'm sorry for any pain I have caused" shows much more true desire to make it right for the other person. Which is what one would hope a genuine, heartfelt apology is for.

[offloe]

Everyone in the world should read this. Thank you for posting it. I favorited this.

[katlyn]

*hugs*

Thank you.

I think that, in the next few days, I'll try to write the flip side as well. That's definitely a perspective that also needs to be stated.

[themindchasm]

I make mistakes.

But it really bothers me when the response to that is not even to tell me what mistake I've made. It does happen that we do things without knowing.

[katlyn]

Totally. This whole thing "apology" thing hinges, of course, on the fact that you've been told that you've hurt someone. I do hurtful things all.the.time. and I have -no- clue about them. If I -did- have a clue I wouldn't do it, damnit, and I'd like to think the same of everyone else I know.

There's always shit on both sides. It's getting through the shit and back to a healthy, respectful place that is the most important part of the whole process.

How are you? *squeezes*

[themindchasm]

I'm doing okay. Just work/home. I've been working on the Nano as best I can (16k words).

I've made an effort to hang with peeps more the last few weeks. I will keep trying, but I'm bad at it. :)

[anywhereanyone]

This is fantastic.