Classic Lines from the WoW Forums - Volume III
It's time for my yearly post of funny lines copy/pasted from the WoW forums.
When something strikes me as particularly clever or amusing, I paste it into a .txt file to save for posterity.
[Here are handy links to Volume I and Volume II.]
Now, without further ado...
[My comments are in square brackets. In several places I edited the original text to correct spelling or punctuation, because I'm picky like that.]
---------------------------
Edwin van Cleef yells: Lapdogs... for all of you!
Edwin van Cleef hands you each a puppy.
---------------------------
No seriously, there's probably going to be some stupid instance for the Caverns of Time where you need to make sure the infinite dragonflight doesn't stop Kael'thas and Vash from meeting at the high school prom or what not.
----------------------
My first trip into Stormwind. I was so in awe of the huge statues on the way in, that I fell into the water and started losing breath. I didn't know the mechanics of swimming and thought that my mail armor was weighing me down, so I proceeded to frantically destroy every piece of armor I had on and died naked.
----------------------
[In a thread about the best/worst names for Death Knights...]
Idkmybffarth
Arthasbtaken
Graveheart
Sephirofl
Kaelthuzad
Lichslapped
Legolarthas
Hellgrazer (Tauren)
Plagueburger (Tauren)
---------------------------
[RE: Arthas/Jaina and Thrall/Jaina...]
Actually that's the real reason the Kalimdor Horde are trying to kill Arthas in the first place. They couldn't care less about vengeance for the Forsaken, Thrall just wants to make sure he doesn't have any competition left!
---------------------------
If a Rhonin action figure came out, it would quickly sell out.
Within 5 hours of it selling out, the top viewed videos on YouTube would be this action figure being dismembered in unspeakable ways.
---------------------------
[Re: Who's the most powerful character in WoW lore?]
Rhonin. There's nothing he can't do, no enemy he can't defeat, no woman he can't sleep with, no plot he can't make suck!
---------------------------
Q: How many Warlocks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but he needs two other people to click on it.
---------------------------
Elevator: *Ding*
Me: Grats.
Other Passengers: Err…
---------------------------
In 2.5, Doom Lord Kazzak will receive vacation time for his success and loyalty to the Legion, and will spawn on that island with the falls in Nagrand.
His new aggro noises will be thus:
"DARN IT ALL TO HECK, I JUST GOT HERE!! DIDN'T EVEN UNFOLD THE CHAIR!!"
"Can I get five minutes, FIVE MINUTES, of peace from you crap-flinging monkeys!?!"
"Let's make your death quick. I have a table reserved at Invasion Point: Hate in half an hour."
---------------------------
[Re: complaints about Kazzak spamming yells in Hellfire Peninsula:]
It's immersion. You're supposed to fear high ranking lieutenants of the Legion.
Or at least be mildly annoyed by them.
---------------------------
Fun Fact: Horde Cows Tip Back.
---------------------------
When was the last time a cow flipped someone off, turned into a bear, killed them, mangled their body and then hopped on a motorcycle and rode off?
---------------------------
Hogger is end game content for bank alts and forum trolls.
---------------------------
[Re: Fandral Staghelm:]
Tyrande probably spends her free time going through the elven laws trying to find some reason to toss your pink ass off the tree.
---------------------------
Malfurion is being kept out of the game because he could single handedly end a lot of trouble going on. Arthas would be a grey mob to Malfurion.
---------------------------
[Re: Kael'thas' whereabouts between WC3 and TK:]
[H]e was skipping all over Outland with the fishies and Flappy McAngstboy
---------------------------
[Re: Kael'thas' new model in Magister's Terrace]
I think Kael'thas needs a jewelcrafter to do something with his new chest piece.
I think he's using the wrong sockets.
------------------------------------------------------
THE LICH KING
To the Lich King, there is no such thing as death. His power to retcon people back to life is supreme.
---------------------------
[Re: Arthas as Lich King = better for Azeroth than Illidan as Lich King]
Frankly, I think a lich elf would be much more dangerous than some long winded human that gets his kicks by teleporting around and yelling at people.
----------------------
Why did they move Dalaran so close to Icecrown Citadel? It's close enough that Arthas could just jump from the mountainside to Dalaran. "HAI GUIZ WUTS GOIN ON IN DIS HEER FLOATING CITY? LOL!"
---------------------------
[In a WoW Insider article about ogres talking to you in Blade's Edge when you kill them after achieving king/queen status, one person wrote:]
"But still, you have to wonder how you can keep killing those who consider you their king."
["Arthas M." quoted them and responded...]
You get used to it.
Keep up the good work.
- LK
---------------------------
[RE: possible redemption for Arthas:]
"Sorry for, you know, destroying half a continent and unleashing a psychotic race of backstabbing undead upon the world...oh, yeah, also sorry for that whole "plague" thing, I'm not sure what we were doing. Also, the various peoples I've killed and such...yeah...so sorry about that."
"It's cool, I mean, it's not like you killed EVERYONE, hahaha."
--------------------------------------------
DRAGONS
Without going into heaps of discourse about the nature of time, I think we can all agree it's safe to say this:
Nozdormu eats the center of the Tootsie Pop before he licks it.
---------------------------
[RE: Alexstrasza's skanky new BE model and the fanboys drooling on her...]
Why does the image of you impaled on a pike with a sign around your neck seem funny?
The sign of course would be:
Do NOT hit on the Dragon Queen.
-Krasus.
---------------------------
[RE: Korialstrasz's NPC tag]
{Consort of the Queen}, eh? Should just say, {Alexstrasza's "Friend With Benefits"}
[Note: I had to use { } brackets instead of the original angle brackets to keep LJ from formatting it as HTML.] :p
---------------------------
I think having my red whelp pet out should aggro Alexstrasza. She claims to know me since before I was born, I wonder if she knew even back then that I'd spend an afternoon whacking the crap out of her babies trying to convince one of them to stay in backpack and follow me around.
-------------------------------------------------
[Discussion about the Battle for Undercity questline, regarding Jaina whisking Varian & Co. away when he wanted to fight Thrall and Sylvannas:]
She saved him from a whole six-pack of Thrall flavored woop-ass.
----
I was born in the mountains of Dun Morogh. Trained from birth in the ways of a warrior. I have drawn blood for the Alliance and shed my own in return, I have killed for it and I will die for it. As a proud and loyal member of the Alliance I can say without hesitation of fear of contradiction that Thrall would have kicked seven flavors of shît out of Wrynn.
----
So wait...what you're saying is basically:
Alliance side in BG cave.
Jaina opens portal to SW.
Entire alliance clicks portal.
Entire alliance now back in SW.
No wonder we always lose in BGs.
----
[A TROLL PLAYER:]
Honestly, in that sort of battle it really all comes down to how much Jaina interferes. She's roughly on par with Thrall's power. And Wrynn....... well, erm..... kidnapped by Defias much?
Seriously. The alliance is betting on a guy who got owned by Defias? And like, not even in his youth, or when he was weak, when he was at the height of his power, ruling in Stormwind....... He got kidnapped by Defias.
----
[TO WHICH SOMEONE ELSE REPLIED:]
How's your island home coming along, Trolls? Still taken over from you?
----
My sympathy to alliance. Your new king and leader has brainrot worse than any of the Forsaken.
---
I'd think Varian is well-aware that the Lich King is still at large and is likely to squeal in joy if he found out Varian+Thrall went on a full-scale war. That's what I don't understand. Does he seriously think the Horde is bigger threat than the Lich King?
--------------------------------------------
[In a thread where people were writing letters to/from famous NPCs and lore characters:]
Dear Malygos,
I'm sorry, one of 10/25 adventurers has just taken the house key you lent me. I would recommend getting your locks changed.
Kel'Thuzad
----
Dear Grobbulus,
I'm sorry to say, but I won't be inviting you to the annual Naxxramas 4th of July barbeque. Unfortunately, Patchwork brought to my attention the severity of your gastrointestinal situation, and we simply can't risk something like that at the party.
No hard feelings,
Kel'Thuzad
----
Dear Arthas,
They are coming for you. Kill them before the kill you.
Yours sincerely, Yogg-Saron.
PS: C'thun wishes me to tell you that "your heart will explode", whatever that means. I suggest you get rid of it ASAP.
---
Dear Lich King,
Can we get anyone else in the organization to watch Stratholme? Pulling these long distance double shifts is killing me. I mean, I'm so worn out more and more people keep managing to take my horse.
Replacing my horse and zepplin fees to get back and forth are killing me. At least give me a raise.
-Baron Rivendare
----
Dear Kel'Thuzad, Malygos, Sartharion
You guys are doing it all wrong. All you have to do is throw an "!" above your head and they'll do whatever you want them to. Keep some crappy greens and they slaughter entire villages for you. They're suckers like that.
Abercrombie
----
Dear Arthas,
My eye can beat up your eye!
Love,
C'thun
----
Dear Uncle Malygos,
Have you tried doing more deep breathing exercises? It does wonders for me.
PS. Can you watch my kids next Tuesday? They're a bit of a handful, but they love to play with the lesser races.
XOXO
Onyxia
-------------
Dear Magmadar/Chromaggus/Gluth,
LAPDOGS! ALL OF YOU!
Edwin Van Cleef
--------------------------------------------------
[RE: What's under Light's Hope Chapel that drove off the Lich King at the end of the Death Knight questline?]
-----------------------------------------
[And, finally, the Illidan and/or Maiev section...]
----
Jealousy is a natural trait of every single person, and had Tyrande loved Illidan instead of Malfurion, it's likely that we'd be fighting Malfurion in the Black Temple in place of Illidan.
-------------------
Illidan will now Possess Maiev's first born.
Hey Sargeras did it =P
-------------------
He [Illidan] should get rezed by Tia Dalma so we could find Turalyon at Northrend, imo.
"SO TELL ME, WHAT HAS BECOME OF ME TEMPLE?!"
-------------------
Ya know what's funny? Illidan sold out on his people by creating a new Well of Eternity to keep his magic and immortality intact. Then that got destroyed, and the NElves lost their immortality and stuff.
Then... they... made a new... tree... just like Illidan did...
-------------------
Yeah but every time Illidan runs back to his corpse another raid comes in and downs him. Talk about camping.
When something strikes me as particularly clever or amusing, I paste it into a .txt file to save for posterity.
[Here are handy links to Volume I and Volume II.]
Now, without further ado...
[My comments are in square brackets. In several places I edited the original text to correct spelling or punctuation, because I'm picky like that.]
---------------------------
Edwin van Cleef yells: Lapdogs... for all of you!
Edwin van Cleef hands you each a puppy.
---------------------------
No seriously, there's probably going to be some stupid instance for the Caverns of Time where you need to make sure the infinite dragonflight doesn't stop Kael'thas and Vash from meeting at the high school prom or what not.
----------------------
My first trip into Stormwind. I was so in awe of the huge statues on the way in, that I fell into the water and started losing breath. I didn't know the mechanics of swimming and thought that my mail armor was weighing me down, so I proceeded to frantically destroy every piece of armor I had on and died naked.
----------------------
[In a thread about the best/worst names for Death Knights...]
Idkmybffarth
Arthasbtaken
Graveheart
Sephirofl
Kaelthuzad
Lichslapped
Legolarthas
Hellgrazer (Tauren)
Plagueburger (Tauren)
---------------------------
[RE: Arthas/Jaina and Thrall/Jaina...]
Actually that's the real reason the Kalimdor Horde are trying to kill Arthas in the first place. They couldn't care less about vengeance for the Forsaken, Thrall just wants to make sure he doesn't have any competition left!
---------------------------
If a Rhonin action figure came out, it would quickly sell out.
Within 5 hours of it selling out, the top viewed videos on YouTube would be this action figure being dismembered in unspeakable ways.
---------------------------
[Re: Who's the most powerful character in WoW lore?]
Rhonin. There's nothing he can't do, no enemy he can't defeat, no woman he can't sleep with, no plot he can't make suck!
---------------------------
Q: How many Warlocks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but he needs two other people to click on it.
---------------------------
Elevator: *Ding*
Me: Grats.
Other Passengers: Err…
---------------------------
In 2.5, Doom Lord Kazzak will receive vacation time for his success and loyalty to the Legion, and will spawn on that island with the falls in Nagrand.
His new aggro noises will be thus:
"DARN IT ALL TO HECK, I JUST GOT HERE!! DIDN'T EVEN UNFOLD THE CHAIR!!"
"Can I get five minutes, FIVE MINUTES, of peace from you crap-flinging monkeys!?!"
"Let's make your death quick. I have a table reserved at Invasion Point: Hate in half an hour."
---------------------------
[Re: complaints about Kazzak spamming yells in Hellfire Peninsula:]
It's immersion. You're supposed to fear high ranking lieutenants of the Legion.
Or at least be mildly annoyed by them.
---------------------------
Fun Fact: Horde Cows Tip Back.
---------------------------
When was the last time a cow flipped someone off, turned into a bear, killed them, mangled their body and then hopped on a motorcycle and rode off?
---------------------------
Hogger is end game content for bank alts and forum trolls.
---------------------------
[Re: Fandral Staghelm:]
Tyrande probably spends her free time going through the elven laws trying to find some reason to toss your pink ass off the tree.
---------------------------
Malfurion is being kept out of the game because he could single handedly end a lot of trouble going on. Arthas would be a grey mob to Malfurion.
---------------------------
[Re: Kael'thas' whereabouts between WC3 and TK:]
[H]e was skipping all over Outland with the fishies and Flappy McAngstboy
---------------------------
[Re: Kael'thas' new model in Magister's Terrace]
I think Kael'thas needs a jewelcrafter to do something with his new chest piece.
I think he's using the wrong sockets.
------------------------------------------------------
THE LICH KING
To the Lich King, there is no such thing as death. His power to retcon people back to life is supreme.
---------------------------
[Re: Arthas as Lich King = better for Azeroth than Illidan as Lich King]
Frankly, I think a lich elf would be much more dangerous than some long winded human that gets his kicks by teleporting around and yelling at people.
----------------------
Why did they move Dalaran so close to Icecrown Citadel? It's close enough that Arthas could just jump from the mountainside to Dalaran. "HAI GUIZ WUTS GOIN ON IN DIS HEER FLOATING CITY? LOL!"
---------------------------
[In a WoW Insider article about ogres talking to you in Blade's Edge when you kill them after achieving king/queen status, one person wrote:]
"But still, you have to wonder how you can keep killing those who consider you their king."
["Arthas M." quoted them and responded...]
You get used to it.
Keep up the good work.
- LK
---------------------------
[RE: possible redemption for Arthas:]
"Sorry for, you know, destroying half a continent and unleashing a psychotic race of backstabbing undead upon the world...oh, yeah, also sorry for that whole "plague" thing, I'm not sure what we were doing. Also, the various peoples I've killed and such...yeah...so sorry about that."
"It's cool, I mean, it's not like you killed EVERYONE, hahaha."
--------------------------------------------
DRAGONS
Without going into heaps of discourse about the nature of time, I think we can all agree it's safe to say this:
Nozdormu eats the center of the Tootsie Pop before he licks it.
---------------------------
[RE: Alexstrasza's skanky new BE model and the fanboys drooling on her...]
Why does the image of you impaled on a pike with a sign around your neck seem funny?
The sign of course would be:
Do NOT hit on the Dragon Queen.
-Krasus.
---------------------------
[RE: Korialstrasz's NPC tag]
{Consort of the Queen}, eh? Should just say, {Alexstrasza's "Friend With Benefits"}
[Note: I had to use { } brackets instead of the original angle brackets to keep LJ from formatting it as HTML.] :p
---------------------------
I think having my red whelp pet out should aggro Alexstrasza. She claims to know me since before I was born, I wonder if she knew even back then that I'd spend an afternoon whacking the crap out of her babies trying to convince one of them to stay in backpack and follow me around.
-------------------------------------------------
[Discussion about the Battle for Undercity questline, regarding Jaina whisking Varian & Co. away when he wanted to fight Thrall and Sylvannas:]
She saved him from a whole six-pack of Thrall flavored woop-ass.
----
I was born in the mountains of Dun Morogh. Trained from birth in the ways of a warrior. I have drawn blood for the Alliance and shed my own in return, I have killed for it and I will die for it. As a proud and loyal member of the Alliance I can say without hesitation of fear of contradiction that Thrall would have kicked seven flavors of shît out of Wrynn.
----
So wait...what you're saying is basically:
Alliance side in BG cave.
Jaina opens portal to SW.
Entire alliance clicks portal.
Entire alliance now back in SW.
No wonder we always lose in BGs.
----
[A TROLL PLAYER:]
Honestly, in that sort of battle it really all comes down to how much Jaina interferes. She's roughly on par with Thrall's power. And Wrynn....... well, erm..... kidnapped by Defias much?
Seriously. The alliance is betting on a guy who got owned by Defias? And like, not even in his youth, or when he was weak, when he was at the height of his power, ruling in Stormwind....... He got kidnapped by Defias.
----
[TO WHICH SOMEONE ELSE REPLIED:]
How's your island home coming along, Trolls? Still taken over from you?
----
My sympathy to alliance. Your new king and leader has brainrot worse than any of the Forsaken.
---
I'd think Varian is well-aware that the Lich King is still at large and is likely to squeal in joy if he found out Varian+Thrall went on a full-scale war. That's what I don't understand. Does he seriously think the Horde is bigger threat than the Lich King?
--------------------------------------------
[In a thread where people were writing letters to/from famous NPCs and lore characters:]
Dear Malygos,
I'm sorry, one of 10/25 adventurers has just taken the house key you lent me. I would recommend getting your locks changed.
Kel'Thuzad
----
Dear Grobbulus,
I'm sorry to say, but I won't be inviting you to the annual Naxxramas 4th of July barbeque. Unfortunately, Patchwork brought to my attention the severity of your gastrointestinal situation, and we simply can't risk something like that at the party.
No hard feelings,
Kel'Thuzad
----
Dear Arthas,
They are coming for you. Kill them before the kill you.
Yours sincerely, Yogg-Saron.
PS: C'thun wishes me to tell you that "your heart will explode", whatever that means. I suggest you get rid of it ASAP.
---
Dear Lich King,
Can we get anyone else in the organization to watch Stratholme? Pulling these long distance double shifts is killing me. I mean, I'm so worn out more and more people keep managing to take my horse.
Replacing my horse and zepplin fees to get back and forth are killing me. At least give me a raise.
-Baron Rivendare
----
Dear Kel'Thuzad, Malygos, Sartharion
You guys are doing it all wrong. All you have to do is throw an "!" above your head and they'll do whatever you want them to. Keep some crappy greens and they slaughter entire villages for you. They're suckers like that.
Abercrombie
----
Dear Arthas,
My eye can beat up your eye!
Love,
C'thun
----
Dear Uncle Malygos,
Have you tried doing more deep breathing exercises? It does wonders for me.
PS. Can you watch my kids next Tuesday? They're a bit of a handful, but they love to play with the lesser races.
XOXO
Onyxia
-------------
Dear Magmadar/Chromaggus/Gluth,
LAPDOGS! ALL OF YOU!
Edwin Van Cleef
--------------------------------------------------
[RE: What's under Light's Hope Chapel that drove off the Lich King at the end of the Death Knight questline?]
- Arthas' baby pictures
- Zombies
- More zombies
- Mankrik's wife
- The zombie of Mankrik's wife
- Saddam's WMDs
- Large. Hadron. Collider.
- An illegal baccarat operation
- Febreeze
- A reversed upside-down LHC parallel universe with rainbow ponies and Arthas playing Barbie with Jaina
- The Holy Hand Grenade
- Uther spamming consecrate and never going out of mana
- A speakeasy
- Hogger
- Waldo
- The Sword of a Thousand Truths being wielded by a goatee-sporting Arthas from the "Evil Parallel Universe"
- Your Mom
- The recipe for Coke and KFC's list of 11 herbs and spices/
- There is an unpatched pally from 2.01 under there that's been building a reckoning bomb since 2004
- Hello Kitty Subterranean Adventure bonus zone
- The final printed copies of Warcraft Adventures
- And you wondered where all those missing socks from the dryer went...
- Devilsaurs, lots and lots of devilsaurs.
- I heard it was core hounds. (They can't get the rank and file to kill them at the same time and loot them...)
- Dirt ... And maybe some rocks?
- Dirt. Arthas hates to get his armor messy, and the dirt under the chapel is extra dirty dirt.
- Jimmy Hoffa (Definately this. If they let Arthas convert Jimmy to the scourge, it could be devastating. Do you know how hard it would be to take over Azeroth with the possibility of scourge Local 101 going on strike looming over you?)
-----------------------------------------
[And, finally, the Illidan and/or Maiev section...]
----
Jealousy is a natural trait of every single person, and had Tyrande loved Illidan instead of Malfurion, it's likely that we'd be fighting Malfurion in the Black Temple in place of Illidan.
-------------------
Illidan will now Possess Maiev's first born.
Hey Sargeras did it =P
-------------------
He [Illidan] should get rezed by Tia Dalma so we could find Turalyon at Northrend, imo.
"SO TELL ME, WHAT HAS BECOME OF ME TEMPLE?!"
-------------------
Ya know what's funny? Illidan sold out on his people by creating a new Well of Eternity to keep his magic and immortality intact. Then that got destroyed, and the NElves lost their immortality and stuff.
Then... they... made a new... tree... just like Illidan did...
-------------------
Yeah but every time Illidan runs back to his corpse another raid comes in and downs him. Talk about camping.