Classic Lines from the WoW Forums
I have a .txt file on my computer into which I paste great lines from the official WoW forums. Sometimes there's a line that's just so funny or clever that I have to save it for posterity. I thought I'd share a few gems.
[This first one is actually one I wrote. I know, quoting myself, tacky...]
Skarlette:
That "new Well of Eternity" thing is a cover story. Illidan's really planning on opening a huge water park in Shadowmoon Valley. After a long day of running around Hellfire Peninsula, a dip in the wave pool would really hit the spot. He'd make so much money he could pay off Kil'Jaeden and live happily ever after.
[The rest are by other people, with my comments in these square brackets as needed]
---------------------------
[Re: why our characters never have to go to the bathroom...]
Yea give Paladins an ability called "Holy Crap" in the next content patch.
--------------------
[In a thread called "another stealth merf on motes?", a typo that lead to much hilarity...]
MERF NAGES.
-------------------
Has raiding taught you nothing?
The way to kill anything significantly larger than you is by putting one guy in front of it, stabbing at its toes and making it very very angry, 5-6 guys behind him stabbing at its ankles, and several more far behind it throwing fireballs at the back of its head.
--------------------
By default, I despise anyone who gives a quest involving Murlocs. It's just cruel. I swear, they send these poor noobs off to their watery demise and talk to the other NPCs while the faint sounds of screams and mugurgles fill the air.
Guard-type guy1: "Ho, citizen! The Murlocs to the East have been increasing in numbers lately, and I'm concerned that my four illegitimate children may be devoured while attempting to piss in the lake. Please do Stormwind a favor and vanquish these foul creatures! I will reward you with 5c and a loaf of mouldy bread."
*Player toddles off*
Guard-type guy2: "Hahaha, I can't believe you got another one to fall for it!"
Guard-type guy1: "Yeah, I just went over there and gave the Murlocs rocket launchers, too."
*BLAM* "AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
Guard-type guy2: "Oh, dammit, I got intestine on my uniform!"
Guard-type guy1: "Quick, can it, here comes another one...."
Guard-type guy1: *harrumph* "Ho, citizen! ..."
----------------------------
Quotes about Illidan and/or Maiev
----------
Let the kid have his well jeez, he's been trying to have one for thousands of years - is it so bad to let him play in the water?
-----------
Illidan is crazy AND power mad. Do you think he'd just sit around splashing with his rubber ducky in a new Well?
--------
When you trust someone called Kiljaden the Deciever you lose bragging rights >.<
--------
You would also go crazy if you had to stare at sexy Maiev for 10,000 years and no sex. Nothing. Not even a wink.
--------
[In a thread talking about the WC3 model for Illidan compared to the new one for WoW]
The poor boy looks under-fed now. What is Vashj doing? Why does she think Illidan keeps her around? Certainly not for her looks. He needs to slap her upside the head and tell her to get her ass back in that kitchen where she belongs.
Actually, I changed my mind. WTF is KAEL doing? He's a mage. He should be conjuring Illidan's dinner. And Kael is so damn powerful he should be conjuring a 3-course meal. A stack of 10 3-course meals at a time :P
Delusional maniacs don't always remember to take the time to make a sandwich.
-----------
If Illidan would just snap out of his little petty crap, he would realize he has a real shot at picking Tyrande up while she's dissatisfied with Green Santa Claus.
---------------------
Illidan, man you're such a noob. QQing in the BC intro is just lame. It's like people's first impression of WoW - OMG I DIDNT EVEN START YET AND SOME NOOB NIGHT ELF IS QQING.
Like, ok, imprisoned for TEN THOUSAND years? You must be hella noob, because CC wears off in 12 seconds max and is on diminishing returns. Maybe you were stunlocked? IDK but if you were CC'd that long you're just a noob.
As far as being banished from your own homeland. That's your own fault; if you didn't become a demon you would be immune to the banish spell.
And now I dare enter your realm? Your realm? LOL!
im in ur realm, killing ur troopz
Now for the Sapceberry loladin in the intro, right after Illidan's little QQathon...
Dude, you need some better shoulders. And you had to open your spellbook to cast Blessing of Might? You should have that in your action bar. Noob.
---------------------
* 13. Re: Illidan is a Tool. Get over it. | 04/16/2007 03:54:03 PM CDT
Coreiel [Blizzard Poster]
Locking your thread because I have a crush on Illidan. So there.
------------------------
[In response to a thread called...]
Tell me we don't have to *kill* Illidan!
[...Blizzard poster Nethaera wrote...]
You don't have to if you don't want to. I'm sure he won't mind. ;)
------------
Seriously though, we're not going to kill Illidan. We're going to go through the hell of attunement, get a total of 25 players together, and spend hours upon hours of clearing our way through the Black Temple. When we finally get there, we are going to make Illidan a home cooked meal, draw him a bath, and give him a nice foot rub.
---------------
Illidan does not die.
Maiev gives in to Illidan's seduction and they do a lil scene in the middle of the room while everyone watches, then fly off.
-----------------
She just wants Illidan chained up so she can have 'fun' with him. Bondage in WarCraft? Wtf?
-----------------
Maiev was his jailer for 10,000 years, so I imagine they're like Edith and Archie by now.
-----------------
He is like the single WORST good guy in the entire lore. EVERYTHING Illidan does is for the betterment of his people, but he fails so miserably at everything that he just appears to be evil.
------------------
Ugh, I can't stand Maiev! She's like Captain Ahab, but without
the charm. She's far too petty and duplicitous to deserve the
honor of killing our beloved emo demon-hunter. If anything, that
right should have been reserved for the likes of Malfurion or
Tyrande--because neither of them would want to kill him, and it
would make his death a lot more meaningful, like Darth Vader's
death or something.
-----------------
Sure she puts him back in "prison." We all know what she does with him while no one's looking.
------------------
I mean, if you - as a female - were in dark underground guarding a lone male for 10,000 years, you're bound to do something stupid.
------------------
[When someone got the 'M' names confused...]
Malfurion jailed Illidan, Maiev was just a prison guard who really needed to get laid.
-------------------
Maiev kills Dumbledore and Snape kills Illidan.
------------------
And, lastly...
A Day in the Life of Nefarian
By Kerov of Dethecus server
A day in the life of Lord Victor Nefarius | 08/31/2006 01:17:40 AM CDT
8:00 AM - Woke up, had a light breakfast. Found the orcs playing with that blasted orb again. Put up a notice that the orb was only to be used to control Razorgore, not for fun and games. Promoted Grethlok to orb controller, after eating previous one. Too spicy.
9:00 AM - Revised my dramatic speeches for when heroes invade. Tried testing them out on Rend, but he was busy with his dragon. Worst gift I could have given him.
10:00 AM - Had long distance telepathy call with sis. Said something about her plot being discovered and heroes invading her lair. Told her to calm down and gave her some lines from my dramatic speech. She can be such a pain sometimes.
11:00 AM - Went to see Ragnaros and mock him. Kept spouting stupid one liners like "BY FIRE BE PURGED!" Stood outside his range and laughed at his inability to move.
12:00 PM - Lunch. Gnome a la flambe!
1:00 PM - Daily invasion of the Spire. 10 people charged in, killed a ton of guards, popped all the eggs in my rookery, and died. Ordered replacements to go and patrol the rooms they cleared.
2:00 PM - Oops! Slightly more organized invasion into the Spire. Cleared through to the arena, sent down packs one at a time. Rend got impatient, sent him down last with that stupid dragon he loves so much. He got killed. Big whoopsie there, mainly because his death opened the gates, somehow. Note to self: Get better contractors.
3:00 PM - Vaelstraz invades lair. Walks by Razorgore for some reason, those stupid orcs are slacking off again. Engage in epic battle.
4:00 PM - Get Vael to 30%, get tired. Mind control him and decide to take a nap.
5:00 PM - Wake up to huge invasion of lair by mortals. Razorgore goes nutso after all his eggs are destroyed, scares off my troops, then gets killed. Gate opens for some reason. Decide to sic Vael on them after using my dramatic speeches I prepared. Found some red scepter shard or something. I figure I'll give them exactly five hours to retrieve it, or I'll destroy it. Quickly write more dramatic speeches about the status of the shard, though I haven't touched it at all.
6:00 PM - Vael was killed, no big loss. Invaders slowed down by supression room. Realized usefulness of room, despite making going to the bathroom a pain. Broodlord killed, someone took his head for some reason.
7:00 PM - Firemaw killed, start to worry. Go through my treasure horde and remove a Stormrage Chestguard and Nemesis Robes, just in case. Note to self: Make dragon soldiers that aren't horribly weak to one element, or at least use more than three of them.
8:00 PM - invaders reach Ebonroc. Start to assemble an elite army of 40 dragonkin, order them to enter throne room one at a time only after I give signal. Only a matter of time, Ebonroc and Flamegor weren't supposed to do anything, I just felt bad for them and gave them some gloves to hold. Shame on me for giving them responsibility.
9:00 PM - Chromaggus released, killed. Opened gate to throne room for some reason. Really need to get that checked out. Invaders charged in, got naked, and danced around in front of me. One talked to me, so I gave him my huge speech, then said the key words, "Let the games begin!" Dragons came out and killed invaders. Had a celebratory 15 minute ice cream break.
10:00 PM - Invaders back, for some reason. Apparently, death is only a minor inconvienience. Weren't naked this time. Killed my army, so I went into dragon form and started attacking. For some reason, I can't hit the healers, this warrior is just too shiny. Glad I brought those chestpieces with me. Keep corrupting mages, like seeing giraffes running around.
11:00 PM - IMPOSSIBLE! I am the master here! You mortals are nothing to my kind! Do you hear me, NOTHING! Good last line.
--------------------
[This first one is actually one I wrote. I know, quoting myself, tacky...]
Skarlette:
That "new Well of Eternity" thing is a cover story. Illidan's really planning on opening a huge water park in Shadowmoon Valley. After a long day of running around Hellfire Peninsula, a dip in the wave pool would really hit the spot. He'd make so much money he could pay off Kil'Jaeden and live happily ever after.
[The rest are by other people, with my comments in these square brackets as needed]
---------------------------
[Re: why our characters never have to go to the bathroom...]
Yea give Paladins an ability called "Holy Crap" in the next content patch.
--------------------
[In a thread called "another stealth merf on motes?", a typo that lead to much hilarity...]
MERF NAGES.
-------------------
Has raiding taught you nothing?
The way to kill anything significantly larger than you is by putting one guy in front of it, stabbing at its toes and making it very very angry, 5-6 guys behind him stabbing at its ankles, and several more far behind it throwing fireballs at the back of its head.
--------------------
By default, I despise anyone who gives a quest involving Murlocs. It's just cruel. I swear, they send these poor noobs off to their watery demise and talk to the other NPCs while the faint sounds of screams and mugurgles fill the air.
Guard-type guy1: "Ho, citizen! The Murlocs to the East have been increasing in numbers lately, and I'm concerned that my four illegitimate children may be devoured while attempting to piss in the lake. Please do Stormwind a favor and vanquish these foul creatures! I will reward you with 5c and a loaf of mouldy bread."
*Player toddles off*
Guard-type guy2: "Hahaha, I can't believe you got another one to fall for it!"
Guard-type guy1: "Yeah, I just went over there and gave the Murlocs rocket launchers, too."
*BLAM* "AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
Guard-type guy2: "Oh, dammit, I got intestine on my uniform!"
Guard-type guy1: "Quick, can it, here comes another one...."
Guard-type guy1: *harrumph* "Ho, citizen! ..."
----------------------------
Quotes about Illidan and/or Maiev
----------
Let the kid have his well jeez, he's been trying to have one for thousands of years - is it so bad to let him play in the water?
-----------
Illidan is crazy AND power mad. Do you think he'd just sit around splashing with his rubber ducky in a new Well?
--------
When you trust someone called Kiljaden the Deciever you lose bragging rights >.<
--------
You would also go crazy if you had to stare at sexy Maiev for 10,000 years and no sex. Nothing. Not even a wink.
--------
[In a thread talking about the WC3 model for Illidan compared to the new one for WoW]
The poor boy looks under-fed now. What is Vashj doing? Why does she think Illidan keeps her around? Certainly not for her looks. He needs to slap her upside the head and tell her to get her ass back in that kitchen where she belongs.
Actually, I changed my mind. WTF is KAEL doing? He's a mage. He should be conjuring Illidan's dinner. And Kael is so damn powerful he should be conjuring a 3-course meal. A stack of 10 3-course meals at a time :P
Delusional maniacs don't always remember to take the time to make a sandwich.
-----------
If Illidan would just snap out of his little petty crap, he would realize he has a real shot at picking Tyrande up while she's dissatisfied with Green Santa Claus.
---------------------
Illidan, man you're such a noob. QQing in the BC intro is just lame. It's like people's first impression of WoW - OMG I DIDNT EVEN START YET AND SOME NOOB NIGHT ELF IS QQING.
Like, ok, imprisoned for TEN THOUSAND years? You must be hella noob, because CC wears off in 12 seconds max and is on diminishing returns. Maybe you were stunlocked? IDK but if you were CC'd that long you're just a noob.
As far as being banished from your own homeland. That's your own fault; if you didn't become a demon you would be immune to the banish spell.
And now I dare enter your realm? Your realm? LOL!
im in ur realm, killing ur troopz
Now for the Sapceberry loladin in the intro, right after Illidan's little QQathon...
Dude, you need some better shoulders. And you had to open your spellbook to cast Blessing of Might? You should have that in your action bar. Noob.
---------------------
* 13. Re: Illidan is a Tool. Get over it. | 04/16/2007 03:54:03 PM CDT
Coreiel [Blizzard Poster]
Locking your thread because I have a crush on Illidan. So there.
------------------------
[In response to a thread called...]
Tell me we don't have to *kill* Illidan!
[...Blizzard poster Nethaera wrote...]
You don't have to if you don't want to. I'm sure he won't mind. ;)
------------
Seriously though, we're not going to kill Illidan. We're going to go through the hell of attunement, get a total of 25 players together, and spend hours upon hours of clearing our way through the Black Temple. When we finally get there, we are going to make Illidan a home cooked meal, draw him a bath, and give him a nice foot rub.
---------------
Illidan does not die.
Maiev gives in to Illidan's seduction and they do a lil scene in the middle of the room while everyone watches, then fly off.
-----------------
She just wants Illidan chained up so she can have 'fun' with him. Bondage in WarCraft? Wtf?
-----------------
Maiev was his jailer for 10,000 years, so I imagine they're like Edith and Archie by now.
-----------------
He is like the single WORST good guy in the entire lore. EVERYTHING Illidan does is for the betterment of his people, but he fails so miserably at everything that he just appears to be evil.
------------------
Ugh, I can't stand Maiev! She's like Captain Ahab, but without
the charm. She's far too petty and duplicitous to deserve the
honor of killing our beloved emo demon-hunter. If anything, that
right should have been reserved for the likes of Malfurion or
Tyrande--because neither of them would want to kill him, and it
would make his death a lot more meaningful, like Darth Vader's
death or something.
-----------------
Sure she puts him back in "prison." We all know what she does with him while no one's looking.
------------------
I mean, if you - as a female - were in dark underground guarding a lone male for 10,000 years, you're bound to do something stupid.
------------------
[When someone got the 'M' names confused...]
Malfurion jailed Illidan, Maiev was just a prison guard who really needed to get laid.
-------------------
Maiev kills Dumbledore and Snape kills Illidan.
------------------
And, lastly...
A Day in the Life of Nefarian
By Kerov of Dethecus server
A day in the life of Lord Victor Nefarius | 08/31/2006 01:17:40 AM CDT
8:00 AM - Woke up, had a light breakfast. Found the orcs playing with that blasted orb again. Put up a notice that the orb was only to be used to control Razorgore, not for fun and games. Promoted Grethlok to orb controller, after eating previous one. Too spicy.
9:00 AM - Revised my dramatic speeches for when heroes invade. Tried testing them out on Rend, but he was busy with his dragon. Worst gift I could have given him.
10:00 AM - Had long distance telepathy call with sis. Said something about her plot being discovered and heroes invading her lair. Told her to calm down and gave her some lines from my dramatic speech. She can be such a pain sometimes.
11:00 AM - Went to see Ragnaros and mock him. Kept spouting stupid one liners like "BY FIRE BE PURGED!" Stood outside his range and laughed at his inability to move.
12:00 PM - Lunch. Gnome a la flambe!
1:00 PM - Daily invasion of the Spire. 10 people charged in, killed a ton of guards, popped all the eggs in my rookery, and died. Ordered replacements to go and patrol the rooms they cleared.
2:00 PM - Oops! Slightly more organized invasion into the Spire. Cleared through to the arena, sent down packs one at a time. Rend got impatient, sent him down last with that stupid dragon he loves so much. He got killed. Big whoopsie there, mainly because his death opened the gates, somehow. Note to self: Get better contractors.
3:00 PM - Vaelstraz invades lair. Walks by Razorgore for some reason, those stupid orcs are slacking off again. Engage in epic battle.
4:00 PM - Get Vael to 30%, get tired. Mind control him and decide to take a nap.
5:00 PM - Wake up to huge invasion of lair by mortals. Razorgore goes nutso after all his eggs are destroyed, scares off my troops, then gets killed. Gate opens for some reason. Decide to sic Vael on them after using my dramatic speeches I prepared. Found some red scepter shard or something. I figure I'll give them exactly five hours to retrieve it, or I'll destroy it. Quickly write more dramatic speeches about the status of the shard, though I haven't touched it at all.
6:00 PM - Vael was killed, no big loss. Invaders slowed down by supression room. Realized usefulness of room, despite making going to the bathroom a pain. Broodlord killed, someone took his head for some reason.
7:00 PM - Firemaw killed, start to worry. Go through my treasure horde and remove a Stormrage Chestguard and Nemesis Robes, just in case. Note to self: Make dragon soldiers that aren't horribly weak to one element, or at least use more than three of them.
8:00 PM - invaders reach Ebonroc. Start to assemble an elite army of 40 dragonkin, order them to enter throne room one at a time only after I give signal. Only a matter of time, Ebonroc and Flamegor weren't supposed to do anything, I just felt bad for them and gave them some gloves to hold. Shame on me for giving them responsibility.
9:00 PM - Chromaggus released, killed. Opened gate to throne room for some reason. Really need to get that checked out. Invaders charged in, got naked, and danced around in front of me. One talked to me, so I gave him my huge speech, then said the key words, "Let the games begin!" Dragons came out and killed invaders. Had a celebratory 15 minute ice cream break.
10:00 PM - Invaders back, for some reason. Apparently, death is only a minor inconvienience. Weren't naked this time. Killed my army, so I went into dragon form and started attacking. For some reason, I can't hit the healers, this warrior is just too shiny. Glad I brought those chestpieces with me. Keep corrupting mages, like seeing giraffes running around.
11:00 PM - IMPOSSIBLE! I am the master here! You mortals are nothing to my kind! Do you hear me, NOTHING! Good last line.
--------------------