Dependable. Reliable. Chapter Seven
Title: Dependable. Reliable. Chapter 7/?
Author: Pulpobsessed.
Pairing: Dave/OC. Eventually Dave/Kurt
Characters: This chapter: Dave Karofsky. Rachel Berry, Kurt Hummel, Puck, Quinn Fabray, various OCs.
Rating: R (for language)
Summary: 10 years after graduation. Dave is an openly gay man, living in Washington, DC, after a heartbreaking and soul crushing break up, he suddenly finds himself facing McKinley high and his past.
Genre: FutureFic
Disclaimer: Glee belongs to Ryan Murphy. Not me.
A/N. Sorry for taking so long to post this - but RL got in the way. Between teaching and my other writing (non fanfic) I had to hit pause on Dave's life for a bit. Plus, I'm having some trouble coming up with various lives for all the gleeks... this is a universe that I'm starting to love with every sentence I write. I hope you all enjoy this one. I'll try to have the next chapter up very soon.
Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3(a) | 3(b) | 4 | 5 | 6
Chapter 7.
“Sir? Are you getting out?”
Dave was shaken out of his reverie by the taxi driver’s voice. He realized that he had been sitting in the back of the cab, holding onto his change from the cab fare, for maybe ten minutes. Lost in thought... no, wait, that’s not quite right... lost in absolute terror over the building in front of him.
“Right. Um. Sorry. Have a great evening.”
Dave got out of the car. He heard the cab drive off. He stared at the set of doors in front of him - a set of doors he walked through almost every day during his teen years. And here he was, ten years later, and his stomach was a mix of butterflies and hornets all buzzing around, attacking his bowels. He looked down the road, contemplating escape. Short of running on foot - which would just be a bad case of deja vu - he had no means of escape left to him. All he could do was walk into that building...
He could do it.
Remember... check-in. Stand at bar. Drink. Get yelled at. Go back to hotel. Drink.
Dave bowed his head, hunched his shoulders - as though he was getting ready to go into battle. Grabbing hold of one of the handles, he pulled the door open and marched through inside.
It was surprising how a place, even after a decade, could look the same, smell the same, feel the same... as thought the past decade had not even happened. The entire building felt exactly the same. The walls were the same color. The lockers - still that garish bright red. The floor still had that weird squeak when you walked on it. There was that lingering scent of sweat, cheap drug store perfume, Ax body spray, and sugar. The place was exactly the same as it was when he was seventeen...except it was smaller... stranger. When he was seventeen, this place had been his entire world, one he thought started and ended at those front doors.
Everything that happened in this building had defined who he was. And who he eventually became as an adult.
As he walked down the hallway towards the gymnasium, flashes of memories from the five years of high-school seemed to assault him... almost like ice cold slushies. .
He and Az trolling the hallways. Hunting their prey. Anyone weaker then they were... especially the gleeks.
Mrs. Pillsbury-Howell’s - or would it be Ms. Pillsbury again - office. Where he first came out - where he spent so many hours becoming a better man. It was in that office that Dave realized the importance and power of talking... a lesson that he had based his entire career on.
Kurt’s locker - where he watched the smaller boy, day after day. Where he threatened Kurt’s life...stole from Kurt. And eventually... became Kurt’s friend.
The locker room. Dave paused. He looked at the door - remembering how Kurt chased him down the hallway. Dave glanced over in the direction of gym... then decided to step inside the locker room. As soon as the door opened he was hit by that familiar, unique smell of sweaty teenager, moist towels, and testosterone. Dave stood in the doorway, the light from the hallway illuminating the red lockers and green benches. Dave stared at the spot where eleven years ago, his entire life had changed....
“You are nothing but a scared little boy who can't handle how extraordinarily ordinary you are!”
The words seemed to still hang in the air all these years later. Those words started a journey that Dave had never expected he would actually be brave enough to go on. But those words had caused him to kiss Kurt Hummel - his first kiss with a boy. And one he certainly never regretted... And that kiss had eventually caused him to admit to himself, and to everyone else in his life, that he’d been hiding in the closet... those words had both destroyed him and set him free at the same time.
Dave simultaneously hated and loved that locker room.
He nodded into the shadows of the room...at the shadows of his past.
Dave stepped back. Letting the door swing shut. He continued down the hallway. He glanced over at the door the choir room. Letting his face break out into a huge grin. For a moment, he could hear the sounds of fourteen voices all singing together. Some of the best hours in his life had been spent in that room. He could remember that day when he had so desperately wanted to talk in and join the gleeks, but had been too afraid to do so. He remembered Rachel’s calm urging. Mrs. P reaching out to him. And all the times after that...the rehearsals, the arguments with everyone else in the club. A sense of inclusion... belonging.
Dave closed his eyes.
He could hear the sound of voices and music coming from the gym. He stepped away from the choir room and continued down the hallway. Just before he got to the doorway, he saw the washroom. For a second he flashed back to that night...the cold porcelain pressing against his back. The heat of Blaine’s lips against his skin...the look in Kurt’s eyes as he walked in on Blaine blowing Dave.
Dave shut his eyes, again. Willing those memories to just get out of his head. But tonight, they seemed imprinted on his brain. Maybe it was being back here again. Or maybe it was the fact that he was going to face all the people who participated in those memories... whatever it was, he just couldn’t seem to shake them. It was as though the entire school was alive - a living organism that was fueled on various traumas of his high school self.
He turned. Facing the door to the gym...
Just on the inside of the door, a small table had been set up. Two petite blond girls sat behind it - with matching toothy grins, staring at him expectantly. Neither Dave recognized.
“Uh, hi. I’m here to check in for the reunion.”
“Oh my god! Awesome! You’re totally in the right place.” Dave was quite sure that every single person who approached this table tonight would get exactly the same over enthusiastic reaction from the small blond girl. “What’s your name?” She, and her massive head of blonde curls, bent over to study a spreadsheet.
“Dave. Dave Karofsky.”
“No way! You were in glee club right!? I loved it when you guys would perform.”
“Oh well... um thanks. It was always a lot of fun. I was also on the football team” He gave her small smile. Why had he offered more information... all he wanted was for this interaction to end.
“Right! God, I remember you as Zombie Dave!” She then fell into a fit of laughter as she sorted through a stack of name tags. “Ah! David Karofsky! Here you are.” She pulled out a laminated name tag out and handed it to him.
“Thanks.” Dave couldn’t help but wonder at the idea of laminated name tags. Did they expect everyone to pack away the tags as momentous? Little souvenirs of this momentous occasion? Something he could proudly pull out and show his friends and future boyfriends - ‘Look, this was from my awesome ten year reunion’...no, Dave was pretty sure that by the end of this night, he’d be flinging his out the window of the cab driving him back to the hotel.
He certainly wasn’t putting it in his memory box or some shit like that.
Giving the enthusiastic girl - named Judi, according to her little plastic sign - a one last smile, h e snapped the little clip onto his jacket pocket and entered the gym. Cringing as Judi yelled, “See you later Zombie Dave!”
Where the fuck was the bar?
Dave stopped mid-stride...Holy fuck. It was like someone had taken pictures of every single square inch of their senior prom and had replicated it exactly as it had been ten years ago - from the disco ball, to the steamers on the ceiling and wall, to the round tables, to the buffet table on the back wall. A DJ was standing on the stage playing songs from their high school years - apparently not only was tonight supposed to be a trip down memory lane visually, but it was also meant to bombard the attendants with auditory cues as to how lame they were in high school...
Ke$ha? Really? Did anyone even listen to her anymore...wasn’t she dead from alcohol poisoning or something?
Dave glanced around the room. Small groups of people were standing together - old school friends - all excited to see each other after ten years. Dave couldn’t see any of the gleeks or Az as yet...maybe they all were too cool and important in their lives to bother showing up.
As Dave moved slowly through the room, he caught snippets of conversation - all stereotypical of high school reunions.
“Oh my god! You look exactly the way you did ten years ago!”
“You have how many kids!?”
“Wow - New York, huh? That must have been a change.”
“Was your hair always kinda orange?”
“When did you become a lesbian?”
Dave had to smile at that last one. He glanced over, sadly it was no one he had spent any time with...too bad, they could have formed the gay duo of the evening.
And then...
“Is that Dave Karofsky?”
Dave stopped. Someone had seen him. Recognized him. Called him out. He turned in the direction of the voice... but did not see anyone who he would immediately know from glee club. The chubby face staring back at him was... that guy. From football. Kinda stupid... Looked like an overgrown baby... Steve. Stave. Stram...Stuart....STRANDO!
Yes, that’s it. Strando... the new kid that transferred in just before the infamous halftime show incident. Thick as a ton of bricks... not someone Dave ever really hung out with. The man had put on even more weight... his face resembled a helium ballon attached to a equally oversized body, but quite ready to pop off. And the already thin hair back in high school was practically non-existent. Man, talk about early onset of male pattern baldness. He smiled at the guy. And nodded in recognition. Strando lifted his drink up and waved Dave over. “Come here, I wanna introduce you to my girl Shelly!”
“I’m gonna get a drink, be back in a sec.” Dave called over. Smiling. Oh yeah, he just couldn’t wait to hear all about the tractor sales shop or sporting goods store or whatever store that Stando managed. Much less about the cheerleader girlfriend-turned- plastically enhanced wife that was attached to his arm, and their amazingly perfect two-point-five kids. Yeah...Dave would be running back for that conversation.
“Awesome Dude!” Strando called back, waving his drink unsteadily in the air. Clearly the man was taking this as a chance to get as drunk as humanly possible...he probably had very few of them.
Dave quickly turned away and fled towards the bar. Once there he ordered himself a gin and soda with a twist of lime. Liquid courage in hand, he turned once more and faced the slowly filling room. His eyes scanned the room again:
Science nerds. That Jewish guy, with the big hair, who was always in everyone’s face. Football players galore - all slapping each other on the back like they were still those sweaty high-schoolers, only balding. Even a few cheerios, who had decided to come dressed in their uniforms - really? You’re that desperate to reclaim your youth?
But no gleeks?
Had they seen him when he came in and decided to exist en-mass and get away before he could do more damage? Or had they heard about his coming to the reunion and decided to just stay away period? Dave wouldn’t blame them, really. But the idea that he was so foul, so much of an outcast from the people he had once called his friends...well it hurt. And he didn’t quite know how to make that feel any better. Sure, he’d been expecting something bad to happen, but he’d never expected that they would hate him so much that they just wouldn’t show up.
Well maybe it was better this way.
Which meant that the plan would have to revised. Stand at bar. Be bored. Engage with someone like Strando, or one of the ‘We wish we were still on Coach Slyvester’s cheerio squad’ women. Get slightly tipsy. Leave. Hotel. Bed.
It was just as Dave had finished putting the final touches on this newly develop plan that he saw them... walk in as a group. United.
The gleeks. His (former) friends. But they weren’t all together - there were holes.
The group only consisted of Quinn, Britt, Artie, Puck, Lauren.
But they were missing people - Where was Rachel? Where was Mercedes? Finn? Tina? And most of all...where was Kurt?
Dave looked away fast. He really didn’t want them to see him. He hadn’t realized how intense seeing them again for the first time would be. But the moment that they were in his presence again, it hit him like a brick wall... these were some of the people he had run out on. He had betrayed their best friend - Kurt - and then he had just skipped town. And he had been the cause of Az’s accident - an accident that he left them to clean up. He had not even called to say thank you for looking after Az after the truck rammed into a tree...no, he had been a scared little boy who hid in his room. And then ran away to New York... too afraid to even face them.
Fuck.
There was no way he could do this. Maybe he could just slip out by the side door, get a cab and go home. This was too much. This was too bad of an idea. Why had he let Jess talk him into this? He should have made her come with him.
He could handle any crisis or emergency in his job... hell, he could even handle a suicide attempt by one of his teens, with grace and ease...but he could not, no way no how, handle this. This was too close to him. To personal... he should have left the past where it was. Buried.
Dave had been so lost in thought over being panicked at seeing the gleeks again, that he had not even noticed their approach until a very familiar voice brought him back to reality.
“Oh my god! Dave?! You’re here!”
Dave spun around to face a slightly older, but still amazingly gorgeous Quinn Fabray. She had stayed super slim. Her hair was shorter than it had been in high-school. But the shoulder length locks framed her face perfectly. She was wearing a rather form fitting knee length black dress, with a light gray cowl scarf thing hanging loosely around her neck. She had on long dangly silver earrings that matched with the slight twinge of silver showing around her neck. Her face barely showed its age - if he hadn’t known her in high school, he would have sworn she was no older than twenty-one.
Dave opened his mouth, unsure of what he was about to say... “Um...yeah. I came. Hi Quinn.” His voice was shaking. He was shaking. He could feel his hand trembling. He could feel the cool spread of sweat starting at his lower back... a sure sign he was extremely nervous.
Quinn stood looking at him for a moment or two. As if unsure of what to do. Then she stepped forward and hugged him.
Dave stood rooted to the spot. Paralyzed and totally confused. He’d been expecting a drink in his face. A slap. A knee in the groin... but a hug. That was new and hard to process. Slowly he raised his arms and hugged her back. They stood there for a moment. Dave had never been super close to Quinn in high-school, she had always remained distant from him. As though the events of her high-school life had been too much for her, and she needed to just separate herself from those around her. She had stayed close to Finn, even going so far as to reconstruct their relationship in that final year...but to Dave, she was distant, cold.
But now, she was squeezing him as though her life depended on keeping him here.
“Quinn?” He tried to ask all of his questions in that one word. Tried to get across his confusion. His awkwardness. His need to understand what was going on.
“We were all so scared!” She shook him in her arms. As though to emphasize her point. “None of us knew what was going on. And then you were gone. We didn’t know what to do. It was as though you were dropping us as friends - like high-school was over and the old Karofsky had returned and you had no need for us as friends. We were all so mad!”
“I..I..” The words didn’t want to come... he’d be right. They were mad.
“But then we found out what really happened... Mercedes told us about your visit to Azimo in the hospital, and Kurt kind of explained what went on at prom...”
“Oh god!” Dave’s voice was a mix between a moan and a cry. He wanted to turn away Hide himself.
“Dave. We don’t care. We all decided that you must have gotten scared. You’d spent so much time trying to make us like you, that you thought we’d hate you or something...so you ran. We all knew you had to be the one to come back to us... we couldn’t chase you down. Although Kurt and Rachel, even Azimo, all tried.”
“I got emails. I couldn’t read them... I was too scared. I was too lost in my own head to deal with it... I have them all saved though.”
“We missed you.”
“Wait.”
This was weird... it sounded as though Quinn was saying they forgave him.
“You’re not mad? None of you?” This was unexpected. This was unreal. This was nothing like what he thought would happen...they didn’t hate him. They didn’t want him to disappear for good. Why? What... Dave closed his eyes. His mind was reeling. The room was starting to slightly swim in front of him. This was something he was not expecting. This went against everything he had prepared himself for. He had expected anger...never had he expected smiles and happiness at seeing him again.
They weren’t mad at him.
“Well, I would not say that all of us aren’t mad.”
Of course - too good to be true, right?
“I mean, I think Kurt and Rachel will have a few choice words for you when they see you... mainly about disappearing for ten years. But they have their own problems to deal with that are a bit bigger... anyways, it’s not my place. And I know that Azimo has been stressed out about tonight. Not sure if you’d be here... I think you owe him an explanation.”
Right... of course... the people he’d been closest too. Those people he’d hurt the most - it was their anger he would have to face, their anger he so rightfully deserved to have thrown at him. Although, if what Quinn said was real... maybe not quite anger....
A new hand landed on Dave’s shoulder. Puck.
“Damn, man. It took a fucking high school reunion to get you to see us? We’ve been emailing you to join our little meet ups for years.”
“Meet ups?”
“Yeah,” Lauren stepped out from behind Puck. “We meet up once a year, in some city or another to catch up. We email you every year.”
Dave mentally flashed to his Gmail account, and the folder named Bad Stuff, where every email from a gleek automatically went into - ten years of avoidance. Ten years of hiding... if only he’d had the guts to look in one of those messages, he would have found out that they wanted him around. He could have saved himself some massive personal torture, not to mention therapy bills. “I didn’t know...I never thought. Oh man...this is a bit much to take in.”
Dave needed to sit down. He reached out behind him and grasped the edge of the bar. Bracing himself. He was starting to get a headache. The room really was spinning.
“Dave? You ok, man.” Artie had wheeled up.
“Sorry. Yeah. I’m just... I mean... Um... I came here expecting to be yelled at. Told to get out. Be attacked and accused...I’ve spent the last ten years certain that I fucked up so royally. That I ruined people’s lives... and here you’re telling me I didn’t.” He took a long swallow of his drink. Letting the gin and lime wake him up a bit.
“You’ve been beating yourself up for ten years?” Quinn’s voice sounded incredulous.
“Let’s just say that my therapist will live very comfortably once she retires because of me.”
“Christ...” Puck muttered, “you need to learn to calm the fuck down, man.”
“My best friend has been telling me that for years.” Yeah, he could not wait to see Jess’s face when he told her about all this.
Dave really did not know how handle this... and what was going to happen when he saw Kurt. How would Kurt act? Would the level of acceptance be the same...if they had been trying to get in touch with him for ten years, was Kurt at the head of that?
Dave felt the uncontrollable urge to run into the hallway and call Jess. Either that or fist pump the air a couple times.
“Uh guys?” Britt’s voice was soft. “Where’s Finn’s? Should we go find him?”
“Crap!” Artie snapped. “We were supposed to keep an eye on him, weren’t we?”
“I’ll go.” Puck let go of Dave’s shoulder. “You, Mr. Karofsky, don’t be going no where, ok? I don’t wanna have to spent ten more years wondering about you.” And with that he slipped back into the mass of ex-McKinleyites.
Dave could feel his face breaking into a huge grin. This night was turning out much better than expected... Hold on, why were they all so concerned about Finn? He turned to Quinn - expecting that if anyone would know what was going on, she would. “What’s wrong with Finn?” Dave asked.
Quinn sighed. Closing her eyes. “It’s pretty complicated, Dave.”
“Oh, right. We don’t have to talk about it.”
“No, it’s ok. Finn’s just been going through some shit lately. Ever since the divorce and...”
“Divorce? He’s divorced?”
“We, Dave, We’re divorced. Finn and I got married shortly after high school... we got divorced about two years ago.”
“Oh. Wow. I’m, um, sorry.”
“Yeah. It’s complicated...” Quinn’s voice died off as her eyes drifted over to the doorway to the gym.
“Quinn...you ok?” Dave turned around to see what she was looking at. He felt his eyes grow large as he watched Finn being led into the gym by Rachel and Kurt.
He really had no idea what seeing Kurt again would feel like. The reality of seeing him again, was like having a giant wall of bricks crash down on his head, and then jackhammered into brick dust. Kurt looked so much like he did back in high school - that strong, haughty expression that he always managed to wear. He had changed his hair slightly - it was not quite as wavy as it had once been, he now wore it shorter - but still perfectly styled, it was clearly an expensive hair cut. Kurt had gained a bit of weight, more muscle mass than fat.. but he could still be safely called a twink. His shoulders were broader, his arms looked bigger. On his face he was sporting a pair of, clearly, expensive glasses. Wireframes, but rimless. He was wearing all black - a pair of tight black jeans, a zip-up ribbed sweater worn underneath a slim cut blazer. On his feet he wore a pair of chunky lace up boots - practically military style boots.
As Dave moved his eyes over Kurt’s body, he realized that Kurt looked... well, fucking hot. Dave just shook his head. Seeing Kurt made him realize how much he had missed his friend. Beyond all the screwed up teenage attraction Dave had for Kurt, he saw someone who he had really relied on for support. Suddenly, Dave wanted to run across the gym, grab Kurt and just tell him everything. Everything that had happened to him in the last ten years. Dave could feel a small grin on his face. He felt anxious and excited and fucking terrified all at the same time.
“You’re staring, Dave.” Quinn’s voice again knocked him out of his thoughts and back into reality. Kurt had noticed them and was directing Rachel and Finn towards them. At first, Kurt smiled widely at the sight of Quinn and the others...but then he saw Dave. His expression changed. Completely.
At first, the smile faded. It was replaced by a empty expression. One that quickly shifted again. Kurt’s suddenly looked surprised. Shocked. Amazed. Then a smile slowly began to spread over his face. As though Kurt was seeing a long lost loved one. A look of absolute happiness. He brought one of his hands up to his mouth, grinning behind the outspread fingers. He shook his head. For a moment it looked as if he was about to cry. He then turned to Rachel and excitedly spoke at her, pointing in Dave’s direction. Immediately, the brunette’s eyes snapped towards Dave’s direction. Her eyes going equally as wide as Kurt’s had. She blinked a number of times, as though trying to get it through her head that she really was seeing Dave. Then she smiled. It was a smile of relief. She. slowly, lifted her hand slowly and waved.
Dave smiled back. Rachel and Kurt were smiling at him. Happy to see him. He felt like dancing a jig right on the spot. This was officially the best day of his life, up to this point anyways.
His eyes then settled on Finn...
A Marine military dress uniform.
Dave turned to Quinn. A questioning look on his face. “Is Finn...”
She nodded. “He joined up a year out of high school. He was dangerously close to flunking out of college, so decided that the army was the best idea for him. I disagreed with him. I didn’t want him to go. I begged him. He wouldn’t even consider any other possibility. Kurt, Burt, Carole, even Rachel, tired to convince him that he shouldn’t. But in the end...he signed up. And was shipped off to basic training the following summer. We got married just before he left.”
“Oh. Wow. Was he...”
“Shipped overseas? Yes. He was sent to Afghanistan shortly after he finished training. He was there for a few tours of duty - four years in total. He was...different when he got home.”
“Is that why you two...”
“Got divorced? Yeah.”
Dave turned again, to look at the trio that was slowly making their way across the room towards them. Dave watched Finn, saw the slight stumble in his walk. The way he leaned against Kurt’s shoulder. The unfocused gaze in his eye, with a twinge of anger and resentment.
“Did he start drinking when he got back?”
“Ye... wait... how did you know?”
“His walk. The way he stands. The fact that you guys were supposed to look after him. And that look... I see it sometimes in the eyes of the kids I work with. And I used to work with alcoholics too.”
“Oh. Um, Dave, what do you do?”
“I’m a social worker... mainly with gay youths in Washington.”
“Oh. As in Washington, DC?”
“Yeah. I went to school there at George Washington University, and then just stayed.”
“Wow. But, yes, Finn started having nightmares when he got home. And started drinking soon after. We suffered through for two years until I just couldn’t handle it anymore... he refused - still does refuse - to get help. I left him two years ago. I’m not exactly his favorite person. I think he wants to go back overseas.” She spoke fast... as though she had to get it out as quickly as possible.
“Quinn, I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say.”
“Do you ever see military men like this?” Her face screamed the fact that she still cared deeply for her ex-husband.
“Of course. All the time.”
Just as Quinn was about to respond, Kurt, Rachel, and Finn walked up. Finn angrily glared at Quinn for a moment, then pushed past her - sending a quick glance in Dave’s direction - and walked up to the bar. Quinn sighed. “Guess it’s a ‘not speaking to Quinn day.’” She reached out and touched Dave’s forearm, “I’m really glad you came Dave. Let’s talk more later.” She gave it a squeeze, then smiling widely at Kurt, slipped back into the crowd - with Britt and Artie to find Puck.
Dave watched her, Quinn Fabray cheerleader turned army wife turned divorcee. Yeah, his problems were not all that horrible. Dave suddenly realized that he was standing alone with Kurt and Rachel...all thoughts of Quinn evaporated out of his mind. He had no idea what to do now.
Then, a voice shot through his ear, playing pinball inside his brain. A voice he never actually thought he’d hear again, much less in the happy, excited tone he got to hear now. Kurt’s voice.
“Dave...”
Author: Pulpobsessed.
Pairing: Dave/OC. Eventually Dave/Kurt
Characters: This chapter: Dave Karofsky. Rachel Berry, Kurt Hummel, Puck, Quinn Fabray, various OCs.
Rating: R (for language)
Summary: 10 years after graduation. Dave is an openly gay man, living in Washington, DC, after a heartbreaking and soul crushing break up, he suddenly finds himself facing McKinley high and his past.
Genre: FutureFic
Disclaimer: Glee belongs to Ryan Murphy. Not me.
A/N. Sorry for taking so long to post this - but RL got in the way. Between teaching and my other writing (non fanfic) I had to hit pause on Dave's life for a bit. Plus, I'm having some trouble coming up with various lives for all the gleeks... this is a universe that I'm starting to love with every sentence I write. I hope you all enjoy this one. I'll try to have the next chapter up very soon.
Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3(a) | 3(b) | 4 | 5 | 6
Chapter 7.
“Sir? Are you getting out?”
Dave was shaken out of his reverie by the taxi driver’s voice. He realized that he had been sitting in the back of the cab, holding onto his change from the cab fare, for maybe ten minutes. Lost in thought... no, wait, that’s not quite right... lost in absolute terror over the building in front of him.
“Right. Um. Sorry. Have a great evening.”
Dave got out of the car. He heard the cab drive off. He stared at the set of doors in front of him - a set of doors he walked through almost every day during his teen years. And here he was, ten years later, and his stomach was a mix of butterflies and hornets all buzzing around, attacking his bowels. He looked down the road, contemplating escape. Short of running on foot - which would just be a bad case of deja vu - he had no means of escape left to him. All he could do was walk into that building...
He could do it.
Remember... check-in. Stand at bar. Drink. Get yelled at. Go back to hotel. Drink.
Dave bowed his head, hunched his shoulders - as though he was getting ready to go into battle. Grabbing hold of one of the handles, he pulled the door open and marched through inside.
It was surprising how a place, even after a decade, could look the same, smell the same, feel the same... as thought the past decade had not even happened. The entire building felt exactly the same. The walls were the same color. The lockers - still that garish bright red. The floor still had that weird squeak when you walked on it. There was that lingering scent of sweat, cheap drug store perfume, Ax body spray, and sugar. The place was exactly the same as it was when he was seventeen...except it was smaller... stranger. When he was seventeen, this place had been his entire world, one he thought started and ended at those front doors.
Everything that happened in this building had defined who he was. And who he eventually became as an adult.
As he walked down the hallway towards the gymnasium, flashes of memories from the five years of high-school seemed to assault him... almost like ice cold slushies. .
He and Az trolling the hallways. Hunting their prey. Anyone weaker then they were... especially the gleeks.
Mrs. Pillsbury-Howell’s - or would it be Ms. Pillsbury again - office. Where he first came out - where he spent so many hours becoming a better man. It was in that office that Dave realized the importance and power of talking... a lesson that he had based his entire career on.
Kurt’s locker - where he watched the smaller boy, day after day. Where he threatened Kurt’s life...stole from Kurt. And eventually... became Kurt’s friend.
The locker room. Dave paused. He looked at the door - remembering how Kurt chased him down the hallway. Dave glanced over in the direction of gym... then decided to step inside the locker room. As soon as the door opened he was hit by that familiar, unique smell of sweaty teenager, moist towels, and testosterone. Dave stood in the doorway, the light from the hallway illuminating the red lockers and green benches. Dave stared at the spot where eleven years ago, his entire life had changed....
“You are nothing but a scared little boy who can't handle how extraordinarily ordinary you are!”
The words seemed to still hang in the air all these years later. Those words started a journey that Dave had never expected he would actually be brave enough to go on. But those words had caused him to kiss Kurt Hummel - his first kiss with a boy. And one he certainly never regretted... And that kiss had eventually caused him to admit to himself, and to everyone else in his life, that he’d been hiding in the closet... those words had both destroyed him and set him free at the same time.
Dave simultaneously hated and loved that locker room.
He nodded into the shadows of the room...at the shadows of his past.
Dave stepped back. Letting the door swing shut. He continued down the hallway. He glanced over at the door the choir room. Letting his face break out into a huge grin. For a moment, he could hear the sounds of fourteen voices all singing together. Some of the best hours in his life had been spent in that room. He could remember that day when he had so desperately wanted to talk in and join the gleeks, but had been too afraid to do so. He remembered Rachel’s calm urging. Mrs. P reaching out to him. And all the times after that...the rehearsals, the arguments with everyone else in the club. A sense of inclusion... belonging.
Dave closed his eyes.
He could hear the sound of voices and music coming from the gym. He stepped away from the choir room and continued down the hallway. Just before he got to the doorway, he saw the washroom. For a second he flashed back to that night...the cold porcelain pressing against his back. The heat of Blaine’s lips against his skin...the look in Kurt’s eyes as he walked in on Blaine blowing Dave.
Dave shut his eyes, again. Willing those memories to just get out of his head. But tonight, they seemed imprinted on his brain. Maybe it was being back here again. Or maybe it was the fact that he was going to face all the people who participated in those memories... whatever it was, he just couldn’t seem to shake them. It was as though the entire school was alive - a living organism that was fueled on various traumas of his high school self.
He turned. Facing the door to the gym...
Just on the inside of the door, a small table had been set up. Two petite blond girls sat behind it - with matching toothy grins, staring at him expectantly. Neither Dave recognized.
“Uh, hi. I’m here to check in for the reunion.”
“Oh my god! Awesome! You’re totally in the right place.” Dave was quite sure that every single person who approached this table tonight would get exactly the same over enthusiastic reaction from the small blond girl. “What’s your name?” She, and her massive head of blonde curls, bent over to study a spreadsheet.
“Dave. Dave Karofsky.”
“No way! You were in glee club right!? I loved it when you guys would perform.”
“Oh well... um thanks. It was always a lot of fun. I was also on the football team” He gave her small smile. Why had he offered more information... all he wanted was for this interaction to end.
“Right! God, I remember you as Zombie Dave!” She then fell into a fit of laughter as she sorted through a stack of name tags. “Ah! David Karofsky! Here you are.” She pulled out a laminated name tag out and handed it to him.
“Thanks.” Dave couldn’t help but wonder at the idea of laminated name tags. Did they expect everyone to pack away the tags as momentous? Little souvenirs of this momentous occasion? Something he could proudly pull out and show his friends and future boyfriends - ‘Look, this was from my awesome ten year reunion’...no, Dave was pretty sure that by the end of this night, he’d be flinging his out the window of the cab driving him back to the hotel.
He certainly wasn’t putting it in his memory box or some shit like that.
Giving the enthusiastic girl - named Judi, according to her little plastic sign - a one last smile, h e snapped the little clip onto his jacket pocket and entered the gym. Cringing as Judi yelled, “See you later Zombie Dave!”
Where the fuck was the bar?
Dave stopped mid-stride...Holy fuck. It was like someone had taken pictures of every single square inch of their senior prom and had replicated it exactly as it had been ten years ago - from the disco ball, to the steamers on the ceiling and wall, to the round tables, to the buffet table on the back wall. A DJ was standing on the stage playing songs from their high school years - apparently not only was tonight supposed to be a trip down memory lane visually, but it was also meant to bombard the attendants with auditory cues as to how lame they were in high school...
Ke$ha? Really? Did anyone even listen to her anymore...wasn’t she dead from alcohol poisoning or something?
Dave glanced around the room. Small groups of people were standing together - old school friends - all excited to see each other after ten years. Dave couldn’t see any of the gleeks or Az as yet...maybe they all were too cool and important in their lives to bother showing up.
As Dave moved slowly through the room, he caught snippets of conversation - all stereotypical of high school reunions.
“Oh my god! You look exactly the way you did ten years ago!”
“You have how many kids!?”
“Wow - New York, huh? That must have been a change.”
“Was your hair always kinda orange?”
“When did you become a lesbian?”
Dave had to smile at that last one. He glanced over, sadly it was no one he had spent any time with...too bad, they could have formed the gay duo of the evening.
And then...
“Is that Dave Karofsky?”
Dave stopped. Someone had seen him. Recognized him. Called him out. He turned in the direction of the voice... but did not see anyone who he would immediately know from glee club. The chubby face staring back at him was... that guy. From football. Kinda stupid... Looked like an overgrown baby... Steve. Stave. Stram...Stuart....STRANDO!
Yes, that’s it. Strando... the new kid that transferred in just before the infamous halftime show incident. Thick as a ton of bricks... not someone Dave ever really hung out with. The man had put on even more weight... his face resembled a helium ballon attached to a equally oversized body, but quite ready to pop off. And the already thin hair back in high school was practically non-existent. Man, talk about early onset of male pattern baldness. He smiled at the guy. And nodded in recognition. Strando lifted his drink up and waved Dave over. “Come here, I wanna introduce you to my girl Shelly!”
“I’m gonna get a drink, be back in a sec.” Dave called over. Smiling. Oh yeah, he just couldn’t wait to hear all about the tractor sales shop or sporting goods store or whatever store that Stando managed. Much less about the cheerleader girlfriend-turned- plastically enhanced wife that was attached to his arm, and their amazingly perfect two-point-five kids. Yeah...Dave would be running back for that conversation.
“Awesome Dude!” Strando called back, waving his drink unsteadily in the air. Clearly the man was taking this as a chance to get as drunk as humanly possible...he probably had very few of them.
Dave quickly turned away and fled towards the bar. Once there he ordered himself a gin and soda with a twist of lime. Liquid courage in hand, he turned once more and faced the slowly filling room. His eyes scanned the room again:
Science nerds. That Jewish guy, with the big hair, who was always in everyone’s face. Football players galore - all slapping each other on the back like they were still those sweaty high-schoolers, only balding. Even a few cheerios, who had decided to come dressed in their uniforms - really? You’re that desperate to reclaim your youth?
But no gleeks?
Had they seen him when he came in and decided to exist en-mass and get away before he could do more damage? Or had they heard about his coming to the reunion and decided to just stay away period? Dave wouldn’t blame them, really. But the idea that he was so foul, so much of an outcast from the people he had once called his friends...well it hurt. And he didn’t quite know how to make that feel any better. Sure, he’d been expecting something bad to happen, but he’d never expected that they would hate him so much that they just wouldn’t show up.
Well maybe it was better this way.
Which meant that the plan would have to revised. Stand at bar. Be bored. Engage with someone like Strando, or one of the ‘We wish we were still on Coach Slyvester’s cheerio squad’ women. Get slightly tipsy. Leave. Hotel. Bed.
It was just as Dave had finished putting the final touches on this newly develop plan that he saw them... walk in as a group. United.
The gleeks. His (former) friends. But they weren’t all together - there were holes.
The group only consisted of Quinn, Britt, Artie, Puck, Lauren.
But they were missing people - Where was Rachel? Where was Mercedes? Finn? Tina? And most of all...where was Kurt?
Dave looked away fast. He really didn’t want them to see him. He hadn’t realized how intense seeing them again for the first time would be. But the moment that they were in his presence again, it hit him like a brick wall... these were some of the people he had run out on. He had betrayed their best friend - Kurt - and then he had just skipped town. And he had been the cause of Az’s accident - an accident that he left them to clean up. He had not even called to say thank you for looking after Az after the truck rammed into a tree...no, he had been a scared little boy who hid in his room. And then ran away to New York... too afraid to even face them.
Fuck.
There was no way he could do this. Maybe he could just slip out by the side door, get a cab and go home. This was too much. This was too bad of an idea. Why had he let Jess talk him into this? He should have made her come with him.
He could handle any crisis or emergency in his job... hell, he could even handle a suicide attempt by one of his teens, with grace and ease...but he could not, no way no how, handle this. This was too close to him. To personal... he should have left the past where it was. Buried.
Dave had been so lost in thought over being panicked at seeing the gleeks again, that he had not even noticed their approach until a very familiar voice brought him back to reality.
“Oh my god! Dave?! You’re here!”
Dave spun around to face a slightly older, but still amazingly gorgeous Quinn Fabray. She had stayed super slim. Her hair was shorter than it had been in high-school. But the shoulder length locks framed her face perfectly. She was wearing a rather form fitting knee length black dress, with a light gray cowl scarf thing hanging loosely around her neck. She had on long dangly silver earrings that matched with the slight twinge of silver showing around her neck. Her face barely showed its age - if he hadn’t known her in high school, he would have sworn she was no older than twenty-one.
Dave opened his mouth, unsure of what he was about to say... “Um...yeah. I came. Hi Quinn.” His voice was shaking. He was shaking. He could feel his hand trembling. He could feel the cool spread of sweat starting at his lower back... a sure sign he was extremely nervous.
Quinn stood looking at him for a moment or two. As if unsure of what to do. Then she stepped forward and hugged him.
Dave stood rooted to the spot. Paralyzed and totally confused. He’d been expecting a drink in his face. A slap. A knee in the groin... but a hug. That was new and hard to process. Slowly he raised his arms and hugged her back. They stood there for a moment. Dave had never been super close to Quinn in high-school, she had always remained distant from him. As though the events of her high-school life had been too much for her, and she needed to just separate herself from those around her. She had stayed close to Finn, even going so far as to reconstruct their relationship in that final year...but to Dave, she was distant, cold.
But now, she was squeezing him as though her life depended on keeping him here.
“Quinn?” He tried to ask all of his questions in that one word. Tried to get across his confusion. His awkwardness. His need to understand what was going on.
“We were all so scared!” She shook him in her arms. As though to emphasize her point. “None of us knew what was going on. And then you were gone. We didn’t know what to do. It was as though you were dropping us as friends - like high-school was over and the old Karofsky had returned and you had no need for us as friends. We were all so mad!”
“I..I..” The words didn’t want to come... he’d be right. They were mad.
“But then we found out what really happened... Mercedes told us about your visit to Azimo in the hospital, and Kurt kind of explained what went on at prom...”
“Oh god!” Dave’s voice was a mix between a moan and a cry. He wanted to turn away Hide himself.
“Dave. We don’t care. We all decided that you must have gotten scared. You’d spent so much time trying to make us like you, that you thought we’d hate you or something...so you ran. We all knew you had to be the one to come back to us... we couldn’t chase you down. Although Kurt and Rachel, even Azimo, all tried.”
“I got emails. I couldn’t read them... I was too scared. I was too lost in my own head to deal with it... I have them all saved though.”
“We missed you.”
“Wait.”
This was weird... it sounded as though Quinn was saying they forgave him.
“You’re not mad? None of you?” This was unexpected. This was unreal. This was nothing like what he thought would happen...they didn’t hate him. They didn’t want him to disappear for good. Why? What... Dave closed his eyes. His mind was reeling. The room was starting to slightly swim in front of him. This was something he was not expecting. This went against everything he had prepared himself for. He had expected anger...never had he expected smiles and happiness at seeing him again.
They weren’t mad at him.
“Well, I would not say that all of us aren’t mad.”
Of course - too good to be true, right?
“I mean, I think Kurt and Rachel will have a few choice words for you when they see you... mainly about disappearing for ten years. But they have their own problems to deal with that are a bit bigger... anyways, it’s not my place. And I know that Azimo has been stressed out about tonight. Not sure if you’d be here... I think you owe him an explanation.”
Right... of course... the people he’d been closest too. Those people he’d hurt the most - it was their anger he would have to face, their anger he so rightfully deserved to have thrown at him. Although, if what Quinn said was real... maybe not quite anger....
A new hand landed on Dave’s shoulder. Puck.
“Damn, man. It took a fucking high school reunion to get you to see us? We’ve been emailing you to join our little meet ups for years.”
“Meet ups?”
“Yeah,” Lauren stepped out from behind Puck. “We meet up once a year, in some city or another to catch up. We email you every year.”
Dave mentally flashed to his Gmail account, and the folder named Bad Stuff, where every email from a gleek automatically went into - ten years of avoidance. Ten years of hiding... if only he’d had the guts to look in one of those messages, he would have found out that they wanted him around. He could have saved himself some massive personal torture, not to mention therapy bills. “I didn’t know...I never thought. Oh man...this is a bit much to take in.”
Dave needed to sit down. He reached out behind him and grasped the edge of the bar. Bracing himself. He was starting to get a headache. The room really was spinning.
“Dave? You ok, man.” Artie had wheeled up.
“Sorry. Yeah. I’m just... I mean... Um... I came here expecting to be yelled at. Told to get out. Be attacked and accused...I’ve spent the last ten years certain that I fucked up so royally. That I ruined people’s lives... and here you’re telling me I didn’t.” He took a long swallow of his drink. Letting the gin and lime wake him up a bit.
“You’ve been beating yourself up for ten years?” Quinn’s voice sounded incredulous.
“Let’s just say that my therapist will live very comfortably once she retires because of me.”
“Christ...” Puck muttered, “you need to learn to calm the fuck down, man.”
“My best friend has been telling me that for years.” Yeah, he could not wait to see Jess’s face when he told her about all this.
Dave really did not know how handle this... and what was going to happen when he saw Kurt. How would Kurt act? Would the level of acceptance be the same...if they had been trying to get in touch with him for ten years, was Kurt at the head of that?
Dave felt the uncontrollable urge to run into the hallway and call Jess. Either that or fist pump the air a couple times.
“Uh guys?” Britt’s voice was soft. “Where’s Finn’s? Should we go find him?”
“Crap!” Artie snapped. “We were supposed to keep an eye on him, weren’t we?”
“I’ll go.” Puck let go of Dave’s shoulder. “You, Mr. Karofsky, don’t be going no where, ok? I don’t wanna have to spent ten more years wondering about you.” And with that he slipped back into the mass of ex-McKinleyites.
Dave could feel his face breaking into a huge grin. This night was turning out much better than expected... Hold on, why were they all so concerned about Finn? He turned to Quinn - expecting that if anyone would know what was going on, she would. “What’s wrong with Finn?” Dave asked.
Quinn sighed. Closing her eyes. “It’s pretty complicated, Dave.”
“Oh, right. We don’t have to talk about it.”
“No, it’s ok. Finn’s just been going through some shit lately. Ever since the divorce and...”
“Divorce? He’s divorced?”
“We, Dave, We’re divorced. Finn and I got married shortly after high school... we got divorced about two years ago.”
“Oh. Wow. I’m, um, sorry.”
“Yeah. It’s complicated...” Quinn’s voice died off as her eyes drifted over to the doorway to the gym.
“Quinn...you ok?” Dave turned around to see what she was looking at. He felt his eyes grow large as he watched Finn being led into the gym by Rachel and Kurt.
He really had no idea what seeing Kurt again would feel like. The reality of seeing him again, was like having a giant wall of bricks crash down on his head, and then jackhammered into brick dust. Kurt looked so much like he did back in high school - that strong, haughty expression that he always managed to wear. He had changed his hair slightly - it was not quite as wavy as it had once been, he now wore it shorter - but still perfectly styled, it was clearly an expensive hair cut. Kurt had gained a bit of weight, more muscle mass than fat.. but he could still be safely called a twink. His shoulders were broader, his arms looked bigger. On his face he was sporting a pair of, clearly, expensive glasses. Wireframes, but rimless. He was wearing all black - a pair of tight black jeans, a zip-up ribbed sweater worn underneath a slim cut blazer. On his feet he wore a pair of chunky lace up boots - practically military style boots.
As Dave moved his eyes over Kurt’s body, he realized that Kurt looked... well, fucking hot. Dave just shook his head. Seeing Kurt made him realize how much he had missed his friend. Beyond all the screwed up teenage attraction Dave had for Kurt, he saw someone who he had really relied on for support. Suddenly, Dave wanted to run across the gym, grab Kurt and just tell him everything. Everything that had happened to him in the last ten years. Dave could feel a small grin on his face. He felt anxious and excited and fucking terrified all at the same time.
“You’re staring, Dave.” Quinn’s voice again knocked him out of his thoughts and back into reality. Kurt had noticed them and was directing Rachel and Finn towards them. At first, Kurt smiled widely at the sight of Quinn and the others...but then he saw Dave. His expression changed. Completely.
At first, the smile faded. It was replaced by a empty expression. One that quickly shifted again. Kurt’s suddenly looked surprised. Shocked. Amazed. Then a smile slowly began to spread over his face. As though Kurt was seeing a long lost loved one. A look of absolute happiness. He brought one of his hands up to his mouth, grinning behind the outspread fingers. He shook his head. For a moment it looked as if he was about to cry. He then turned to Rachel and excitedly spoke at her, pointing in Dave’s direction. Immediately, the brunette’s eyes snapped towards Dave’s direction. Her eyes going equally as wide as Kurt’s had. She blinked a number of times, as though trying to get it through her head that she really was seeing Dave. Then she smiled. It was a smile of relief. She. slowly, lifted her hand slowly and waved.
Dave smiled back. Rachel and Kurt were smiling at him. Happy to see him. He felt like dancing a jig right on the spot. This was officially the best day of his life, up to this point anyways.
His eyes then settled on Finn...
A Marine military dress uniform.
Dave turned to Quinn. A questioning look on his face. “Is Finn...”
She nodded. “He joined up a year out of high school. He was dangerously close to flunking out of college, so decided that the army was the best idea for him. I disagreed with him. I didn’t want him to go. I begged him. He wouldn’t even consider any other possibility. Kurt, Burt, Carole, even Rachel, tired to convince him that he shouldn’t. But in the end...he signed up. And was shipped off to basic training the following summer. We got married just before he left.”
“Oh. Wow. Was he...”
“Shipped overseas? Yes. He was sent to Afghanistan shortly after he finished training. He was there for a few tours of duty - four years in total. He was...different when he got home.”
“Is that why you two...”
“Got divorced? Yeah.”
Dave turned again, to look at the trio that was slowly making their way across the room towards them. Dave watched Finn, saw the slight stumble in his walk. The way he leaned against Kurt’s shoulder. The unfocused gaze in his eye, with a twinge of anger and resentment.
“Did he start drinking when he got back?”
“Ye... wait... how did you know?”
“His walk. The way he stands. The fact that you guys were supposed to look after him. And that look... I see it sometimes in the eyes of the kids I work with. And I used to work with alcoholics too.”
“Oh. Um, Dave, what do you do?”
“I’m a social worker... mainly with gay youths in Washington.”
“Oh. As in Washington, DC?”
“Yeah. I went to school there at George Washington University, and then just stayed.”
“Wow. But, yes, Finn started having nightmares when he got home. And started drinking soon after. We suffered through for two years until I just couldn’t handle it anymore... he refused - still does refuse - to get help. I left him two years ago. I’m not exactly his favorite person. I think he wants to go back overseas.” She spoke fast... as though she had to get it out as quickly as possible.
“Quinn, I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say.”
“Do you ever see military men like this?” Her face screamed the fact that she still cared deeply for her ex-husband.
“Of course. All the time.”
Just as Quinn was about to respond, Kurt, Rachel, and Finn walked up. Finn angrily glared at Quinn for a moment, then pushed past her - sending a quick glance in Dave’s direction - and walked up to the bar. Quinn sighed. “Guess it’s a ‘not speaking to Quinn day.’” She reached out and touched Dave’s forearm, “I’m really glad you came Dave. Let’s talk more later.” She gave it a squeeze, then smiling widely at Kurt, slipped back into the crowd - with Britt and Artie to find Puck.
Dave watched her, Quinn Fabray cheerleader turned army wife turned divorcee. Yeah, his problems were not all that horrible. Dave suddenly realized that he was standing alone with Kurt and Rachel...all thoughts of Quinn evaporated out of his mind. He had no idea what to do now.
Then, a voice shot through his ear, playing pinball inside his brain. A voice he never actually thought he’d hear again, much less in the happy, excited tone he got to hear now. Kurt’s voice.
“Dave...”