Dependable. Reliable. Chapter Two
Title: Dependable. Reliable. Chapter 2/?
Author: Pulpobsessed.
Pairing: Dave/OC. Eventually Dave/Kurt
Characters: This chapter: Dave/OC
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
Summary: 10 years after graduation. Dave is an openly gay man, living in Washington, DC, after a heartbreaking and soul crushing break up, he suddenly finds himself facing McKinley high and his past.
Genre: FutureFic
Disclaimer: Glee belongs to Ryan Murphy. Not me.
A/N. I'm hoping to have the other gleeks make an appearance soon... but for now, I want to explore Dave's character a bit more. But don't worry - the reunion and all of our favorites will be showing up very soon. I hope you like Jessica - I intend for her to show up often. Keep the comments and reviews coming - I'm really happy that you all like what you've read so far.
Chapter 2.
Dave could hear keys jiggling in the deadbolt to his front door. He thought about yelling out for whomever it was to just go the fuck away and leave him alone, but in the end decided that would take too much energy. Instead, he increased the volume on the TV and went back to focusing intently on the mega-sized bag of Doritos that was currently acting as his breakfast.
“Jesus! Did a bomb go on in here or something?” A shrill voice shot out from the hallway as a petite blonde girl, wearing a rather bright purple coat closed the front door behind her. Dave’s best friend, Jessica, stepped into the living room. “Dave?”
“Sorry.” Dave mumbled through a mouthful of process nacho cheese, not taking his eyes from a corny made-for-TV movie featuring Sally Field. “The maid quit.”
Jessica, stepping over chip bags, pizza boxes, beer bottles, ice cream containers, and plates of chicken bones, looked down at Dave, who was lying in just a pair of boxers on the couch. “You have hot wing sauce in your hair.”
“I’ll have that for lunch.”
“So, how long is this going to last?”
“Dunno.” Another handful of chips disappeared into his mouth.
“Dave, you need to leave your apartment. You need to eat... food that is green. You need to go to work.”
“I have never taken a sick day. Cindy is dealing with my kids. I’m taking a few mental health days... I got tossed to the curb for a dentist, I’m fucking allowed. Now will you shut the fuck up, I can’t hear Sally Field.”
“Dave you’ve taken 10 mental health days... this...” she waved her arms to indicate the current state of Dave’s apartment... “is not healthy.”
Dave did not respond, instead he shoved more chips into his mouth and watched a commercial for The Magic Bullet.
“Honey, I’m worried about you. This this not like you at all. For one thing, I’ve never seen your apartment messy like this, nor have I ever seen you not go into the center to check on your kids!”
Dave ate more chips.
“How about we open a couple curtains, get some sun in here? Maybe a shower... please god, take a shower... and then go get a cup of coffee.”
“Nope. I’m good here.”
Jessica ignored him and pulled open his living room drapes. Sunlight flooded the room, making Dave yelp in pain and pull a throw cushion over his face. “Now I can’t see the TV!”
“What a tragedy.... JESUS FUCK! What happened to your wall?!”
“I punched a hole in it when Adam informed me he was fucking a dentist.”
“You punched a hole in your wall?”
“It was better than punching Adam.”
“I would not go that far. I’d rather enjoy punching Adam, or perhaps kicking him as hard as I can in the nuts.”
“He told me I was boring, Jess.”
“What?”
“He told me I was, ‘Dave. Just Dave. Dependable and reliable.’ Not exciting. That’s why he cheated, because he needed to be excited again. Apparently I’m the digestive biscuit version of a gay man.”
“Oh Dave.”
“I miss him. That’s the real sick thing. I miss Adam. I miss his voice. I miss his smile. I miss finding his damn comic books littered everywhere in the apartment. What’s wrong with me? The guy breaks my heart. Sleeps with someone else and lies about it to my face for three months and I fucking miss him. Am I that pathetic?”
“Of course you’re not pathetic! You’re in pain. Come on, Dave. You know that. You’re a social worker, a trained therapist, you know the signs of grief. You miss him because he was a significant part of your life for three years. You built a life with him, and he killed that. You’re grieving for the life you had 5 days ago.”
“I threw up.”
“Huh? What? When?”
“After he told me. I went to the Green Lantern and got drunk and then came home and threw up. A lot. Since then I’ve been lying here, watching TV and eating. I went out once to the store - spent a hundred bucks on beer and chips and shit - and then I came home took off my pants and shirt and haven’t really moved since.”
“And showering?”
“I had one 5 days ago...”
“You haven’t had a shower in 5 days?”
“Not so much, no.”
“Jesus.”
“You like saying that...”
Jessica looked down at her best friend. Dave’s hair was... disgusting. His chest hair was matted and had various bits of food and sauce stuck to it. He stank like he had been caught in a flood of stale beer. His goatee was unruly. His eyes were red and blood shot from not sleeping and crying.
She really wanted nothing more than to run a bulldozer through Adam Mitchell’s house right now.
“Ok! Enough of this.” She put on her best teacher voice and grabbed the Doritos from him.
“HEY! I was eating those!”
“And now you are going to take a shower.” She grabbed Dave’s rather thick forearm and hauled him up. He stumbled at the sudden shift in position and winced at the sharp pull in his shoulder from how hard Jessica yanked on his arm.
“Ow. How’d you get so strong?”
“Dave. I love you. You are my best friend. You have helped me through so many break ups and one night stand walks-of-shame that I have lost count. You always tell me that things get better, but you need to take the first step. So I am saying exactly the same thing to you. So go! Take that first step and have a shower!”
“Can’t the first step be back to lying down with my chips and Sally Field?”
“No. Shower. Trim your beard. Then we’ll go get coffee and real food.”
Dave stared at his best friend, then down at himself. He looked disgusting. He was disgusting.
“It hurts Jess.”
“I know it does, babe. And it will for a while.”
“Can I have a hug?”
“No. After you shower, then yes. But I really don’t think I can handle you being any closer than this.”
Dave nodded. Pouted slightly. And walked into his bedroom.
***********
Dave had spent a lot of money on his shower head. He had taken the time to research which one he wanted. He had driven around to various stores until he had found the perfect one. He had not been disappointed.
And at this moment, he was cursing Jessica for being right about the shower. He really really needed one.
The water pounded down onto his head, the back of his neck, his upper chest. He turned the shower head onto its maximum strength. And it felt... amazing.
He loved the sensation of the burning hot water searing through his skin, washing away the sweat, the beer, the various food substances. He knew that Jessica was right, wallowing in his own self pity wasn’t going to help him at all. And lying in a dark room with only the TV to keep him company was about as healthy as... well lying in a dark room with only the TV to keep him company.
He just had never felt hurt like this. At least not over a boy. Or at least not in the last 10 years...
Not thinking about that... nope, not now, no way.
Dave sighed and switched off the shower. He grabbed his towel from the rack and stepped into the steamy bathroom. Swiping at the mirror, he took a look at himself.
He was not bad looking. Actually, he was pretty good looking. He had a bit of a rugby player’s build: solid chest, muscular and thick stomach and waist. A light, but prominent, covering of chest hair that started on his pecs, getting darker and more full on his stomach, eventually disappearing underneath the towel at his waist. His arms were large and well muscled. A thick and powerful neck. His face was still soft and round, only now it was decorated by a (now) neatly trimmed goatee. He kept his hair short, which might have been to hide the grey that had started sprouting up on his temples.He guessed that he, in a way, embodied what some might call a muscle or rugby bear. Dave had embraced the bear scene in college. He had immediately felt at home there. After that first bear night at the Green Lantern in first year, he had never really looked back. It had been the first time he’d felt at home in the gay community.
Course, he was also a boring bear. Can’t forget that part.
Sighing he opened the bathroom door and walked back out into his bedroom.
“Jess?”
“Yeah.”
“I want cake with my coffee. Fuck this real food bullshit.”
*********
“Really? You needed fries AND onion rings with your burger?”
“Yup. And don’t forget the cake.”
“Of course not. You did specifically ask for the biggest slice possible.”
Dave glared at Jessica through the darkly tinted lenses of his Prada sunglasses. “I eat my feelings. You know that.”
“Yes, I’ve been watching you do it since our sophomore year.”
“So, you should be used to it by now.”
“Its unhealthy.”
“Hey. You got me outside. That’s something.”
“Yes, so you can continue to eat your weight in crap. You would tell anyone that what you’re doing is awful for them, and we both know it. How many calories do you think you’ve consumed in the past 10 days?”
“A lot.” Dave grumbled in response as he saturated another fry in ketchup.
“Dave, I’m worried. I’ve never seen you like this.”
“Jess. Come on. I think think I deserve a little pity party ok? You’re my best friend, you’re not supposed to lecture me about what I’m doing, you’re supposed to just help me deal with this. I sure as shit didn’t lecture you after your little Atlantic City getaway when Bruce dumped you. Adam told me that everything I thought was perfect with my life was crap. That the person I am is crap. That he would rather toss me to the curb and go excitement hunting because I’m dependable. I’m a fucking social worker who deals with at risk gay teens... I’m supposed to be fucking dependable! I know that eating my feelings is bad for me. But goddamn-it, it makes me feel better right now.”
“Dave...I...”
“Do you have any idea how long it took me to find someone like Adam? I have dated a lot of men, Jess. A lot of me. And I’ve slept with a lot of men. They all lasted a week or a few months, maybe a year. But then Adam, he was perfect. He was a total dork, and I feel head over heels in love with him. You know how much I loved him. I had a long term plan for us. And then 10 days ago, BAM! that plan go shoved down my garbage disposal and then fed to the rabid dogs for dinner...”
“That image makes zero sense...”
“Well it’s my image, so it does. So right now, I’m feeling pretty crappy. So what if I took some time off, I never do that remember? So what if I’ve lived off of pizza, chicken wings, ice cream, and Doritos, and beer for the past 10 days. I hurt. Everywhere. So, don’t lecture me Jess, just support me.”
“Fuck, Dave. You know I do. I’m just worried.”
“And I love you for it. But right now, I need you to take an onion ring and help me eat my pain away.”
“Will you go back to work on Monday?”
“Yes.”
“Then I’ll eat an onion ring. This salad is depressing anyways.”
Dave smiled and shoved the plate of fried food towards the blond. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you back.”
“Yeah, well I’m sorry it took me 10 fucking days of not hearing from you before I came over.”
“It’s ok. I really didn’t want to see anyone, but I’m glad you forced me out of the house.”
“Well after this I want to go buy a new jacket, you can help.”
“Can I be bitchy?”
“Isn’t that in your genes?”
“So, yes, then?”
“Yes, you can be a bitch while I try on clothes.”
Dave nodded, satisfied. Maybe this whole ‘doing everyday things’ would not be so bad after all. He looked up, from his fries, at Jess’s face. Yeah, he felt like shit, but at least there was someone to feel shitty with.
“Thanks.” He reached over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it.
“Any time big boy.” Jess smiled. “So....”
“What?”
“Question for you.”
“What?” Suddenly, Dave was not feeling that same sense of security he had a moment ago.
“Are you going to go to your high school reunion? Just to change the subject here.”
“How did you...”
“The invite was on the kitchen counter, I saw it when I was throwing out the casualties of your emotional war from the past 10 days.”
“Oh. And no. I’m not.”
“Why?”
“Seriously, Jess? You’re asking me this now?”
“Yes. It will take your mind of Adam.”
“I really don’t want to talk about this.”
“Why? Its just a high school reunion.”
“I would say that it is significantly more than just a high school reunion.”
“I think you should go.”
“And I think you are entitled to your opinion, but no I really don’t see myself going.”
“Why?”
“Because... because...”
“You have no actual reason, do you?”
“I have a millions reasons.”
“Oh? Such as?”
“The people I went to school with - they really would not want to see me.”
“Its been ten years Dave! Its not like you were a serial killer or something.”
“I think serial killing would have been better than what I was.”
“Dave, we’ve talked about how bad of a bully you were. You were a closeted jock, ass-hat idiot. But you told me that you worked hard to redeem yourself. You were in that... song and dance club, right?”
“Glee club.” Dave muttered, as he attempted to kill his plate by stabbing it with a french fry.”
“Yeah. That. So you sang and danced your way into their hearts. Come on, what’s the worst thing that could happen?”
“I was a lot more than just some bully, Jess. And you know it.”
“Right. That one kid...what was his name?”
“Kurt.” Just saying that name was like being hit by a wrecking ball. All the awful things he did to... before and after the change. The way he made Kurt feel. The look on his face. “I was a monster to him, Jess.”
“That’s a big word to throw around, hon.”
“I spent five years in therapy becoming a different person because of what I did in high school... because of what I did at gradu...”
“Graduation? What did you do at graduation.”
“No. Nothing. Look, Jess, I’m not going to my reunion. I won’t go back to Lima, Ohio. My parents moved to Florida, I live in DC, there is nothing there for me now. Nothing. I can’t face those people. I won’t. I’ve committed my whole life to helping kids who’re like I was at sixteen and seventeen. I’ve tried to come to a place of peace with what happened between Kurt and I a long time ago, not to mention everyone else that I left behind at McKinley. If I went back, I would only run the risk of getting hurt all over again, and right now...I just can’t face that.”
“When is the reunion?” Had Jess even heard any of his rationale?!”
“It’s in three months.”
“So you have three months to get yourself emotionally and mentally ready.”
“Um, what part of all that made it seem like I was going? I just said I don’t want to.”
“Dave, honey, I’ve known you for a very long time. Ten years now, ever since I spilled my latte all over you on the first day of class our freshman year. And then later embarrassed myself further by asking you out, only to have you tell me you were gay. In those ten years, you’ve become my best friend - even if you look rather anxious every time I have a hot coffee around you. And I know that the social worker/therapist/crazy mental health fanatic part of your brain is already trying to tell you that going to that reunion will be good - bring you closure or some shit like that. However, I also know that the stubborn part of you will refuse to go. And in the end, you’ll do exactly what you’re telling me you’re going to do... not go.”
“So why are we even talking about this. Eat more onion rings and let’s talk about anything else...”
“We’re talking about this because its the fact that I know exactly what you are going to do, which makes you the dependable, reliable guy...”
“Hey! That’s not fair.”
“Dave. You’re so worried about getting hurt or taking chances that you end up being the guy who over analyzes everything. Everyone knows that a Dave decision will take forever to be made, because every pro and con has to be weighed. Every possible outcome or consequence has to be thought out. Dave it took you three years to decide to move in with Adam. Most gay couples are living together after a year.”
“I...I...”
“So, I’m asking you to not consider the consequences. I think you should do the thing that dependable and reliable Dave would not do. Go. Go to the reunion. Be spontaneous and just see what happens. Sure you might get hurt. Or you might find something amazing about yourself. Who knows.”
“Its just not that easy Jess. I don’t know if any of those people even want to see me again.”
“So what?! You’re not the kid you were. You’ve changed. You’re a totally different person than you were ten years ago. You’ll show them how amazing you are now, you’ll apologize, maybe it will be good for you. It might break you out of this idea that you’re boring...”
“I am really boring aren’t I?”
“No, you’re just very careful with yourself and your feelings. You’re guarded... so you like to plan.”
“And that makes me boring.”
“You’re changing the subject.”
“I am not. Its connected. I’m guarded, which makes me reliable cause I am always there, I’m the constant in everyone’s lives, and that makes me boring.”
“So do something unexpected, for yourself. If you were your own therapist, what would you say?”
“Broaden your horizons. Take a risk and see what happens.”
“So, go to the reunion and see what happens.”
“Can’t I just go on a cruise and see what happens?”
“You can... but I am not sure the result would be the same.”
“What if it was a gay cruise - the drinking and the sex would relax me?”
“Dave, at least think about it?”
“I can think about it... no promises though. Still think the cruise option is the best one.”
“Deal.” Jess stuck out her hand. “Shake on it.”
“Fine. Deal. How about we go shopping now?”
********
Dave walked into his dark apartment, dropping his bags on the floor and switching on the hallway light. He scanned the apartment. Jess had done a very good job of cleaning up. Every pizza box and chip bag was gone. There was a small collection of beer bottles by his recycle bin. The room, however, still smelled of sweat and beer, but a couple open windows would solve that.
He kicked off his shoes, grabbed his bags and went to deposit them in the bed room.
Once that was done, he wandered into the kitchen. Dave planned on getting himself a beer, but as he walked past the kitchen island he saw the letter from McKinley High. It was just sitting there, mocking him. Reminding him of everything Jess said over lunch.
He picked up the letter. Reading it, for what seemed like the thousandth time. Was Jess right? Would going to the reunion help break him of this lifestyle that kept him guarded as an act of self-preservation? Where he was so frightened of doing the wrong thing because it might undo ten years of a lot of therapy. Would going to this reunion count as being spontaneous enough?
He had no idea what to do...
Seeing them all again. Seeing Kurt. Fuck... he would have to see Kurt again. Talk to Kurt. Could he really handle that? After everything with Adam could he handle seeing the one person who broke him the first time, the one person that he first broke? Could he really handle that emotional minefield so soon after having his heart broken? He’d have to face what he did. All the things he did.
Hudson... what would it mean having to see him again. A man who was his enemy, turned friend and then enemy again. Or Berry - he had come out to her before anyone else. They had a real friendship based on trust and honesty... could he even face her again? Or the rest of them... the Glee Club. They had let him in. And then he did... well he did what he did. Then he just disappeared.
And then there was Az. Fuck... he had not even thought of him.
He had become a monster at the end. Would ten years and all the work he put into making himself a better person, a stronger person. Someone who helps kids - gay kids. Kurt would probably see that as being somewhat admirable. But was it enough? Would it bring him closure? The kind of closure he needed - would doing this help him deal with Adam? Could going back to Lima mean that he could change his life? He had lost Adam because of the person Lima and his actions there had made him, could going back help him to change his life yet again....maybe one spontaneous action might make a little less dependable and a little more, well exciting.
Dave sighed. He unlocked his phone and dialed. He closed his eyes.
“Hi, this is Dave Karofsky. Um... I got the invite to the ten year reunion. Yeah, I wanted to RSVP.”
Author: Pulpobsessed.
Pairing: Dave/OC. Eventually Dave/Kurt
Characters: This chapter: Dave/OC
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
Summary: 10 years after graduation. Dave is an openly gay man, living in Washington, DC, after a heartbreaking and soul crushing break up, he suddenly finds himself facing McKinley high and his past.
Genre: FutureFic
Disclaimer: Glee belongs to Ryan Murphy. Not me.
A/N. I'm hoping to have the other gleeks make an appearance soon... but for now, I want to explore Dave's character a bit more. But don't worry - the reunion and all of our favorites will be showing up very soon. I hope you like Jessica - I intend for her to show up often. Keep the comments and reviews coming - I'm really happy that you all like what you've read so far.
Chapter 2.
Dave could hear keys jiggling in the deadbolt to his front door. He thought about yelling out for whomever it was to just go the fuck away and leave him alone, but in the end decided that would take too much energy. Instead, he increased the volume on the TV and went back to focusing intently on the mega-sized bag of Doritos that was currently acting as his breakfast.
“Jesus! Did a bomb go on in here or something?” A shrill voice shot out from the hallway as a petite blonde girl, wearing a rather bright purple coat closed the front door behind her. Dave’s best friend, Jessica, stepped into the living room. “Dave?”
“Sorry.” Dave mumbled through a mouthful of process nacho cheese, not taking his eyes from a corny made-for-TV movie featuring Sally Field. “The maid quit.”
Jessica, stepping over chip bags, pizza boxes, beer bottles, ice cream containers, and plates of chicken bones, looked down at Dave, who was lying in just a pair of boxers on the couch. “You have hot wing sauce in your hair.”
“I’ll have that for lunch.”
“So, how long is this going to last?”
“Dunno.” Another handful of chips disappeared into his mouth.
“Dave, you need to leave your apartment. You need to eat... food that is green. You need to go to work.”
“I have never taken a sick day. Cindy is dealing with my kids. I’m taking a few mental health days... I got tossed to the curb for a dentist, I’m fucking allowed. Now will you shut the fuck up, I can’t hear Sally Field.”
“Dave you’ve taken 10 mental health days... this...” she waved her arms to indicate the current state of Dave’s apartment... “is not healthy.”
Dave did not respond, instead he shoved more chips into his mouth and watched a commercial for The Magic Bullet.
“Honey, I’m worried about you. This this not like you at all. For one thing, I’ve never seen your apartment messy like this, nor have I ever seen you not go into the center to check on your kids!”
Dave ate more chips.
“How about we open a couple curtains, get some sun in here? Maybe a shower... please god, take a shower... and then go get a cup of coffee.”
“Nope. I’m good here.”
Jessica ignored him and pulled open his living room drapes. Sunlight flooded the room, making Dave yelp in pain and pull a throw cushion over his face. “Now I can’t see the TV!”
“What a tragedy.... JESUS FUCK! What happened to your wall?!”
“I punched a hole in it when Adam informed me he was fucking a dentist.”
“You punched a hole in your wall?”
“It was better than punching Adam.”
“I would not go that far. I’d rather enjoy punching Adam, or perhaps kicking him as hard as I can in the nuts.”
“He told me I was boring, Jess.”
“What?”
“He told me I was, ‘Dave. Just Dave. Dependable and reliable.’ Not exciting. That’s why he cheated, because he needed to be excited again. Apparently I’m the digestive biscuit version of a gay man.”
“Oh Dave.”
“I miss him. That’s the real sick thing. I miss Adam. I miss his voice. I miss his smile. I miss finding his damn comic books littered everywhere in the apartment. What’s wrong with me? The guy breaks my heart. Sleeps with someone else and lies about it to my face for three months and I fucking miss him. Am I that pathetic?”
“Of course you’re not pathetic! You’re in pain. Come on, Dave. You know that. You’re a social worker, a trained therapist, you know the signs of grief. You miss him because he was a significant part of your life for three years. You built a life with him, and he killed that. You’re grieving for the life you had 5 days ago.”
“I threw up.”
“Huh? What? When?”
“After he told me. I went to the Green Lantern and got drunk and then came home and threw up. A lot. Since then I’ve been lying here, watching TV and eating. I went out once to the store - spent a hundred bucks on beer and chips and shit - and then I came home took off my pants and shirt and haven’t really moved since.”
“And showering?”
“I had one 5 days ago...”
“You haven’t had a shower in 5 days?”
“Not so much, no.”
“Jesus.”
“You like saying that...”
Jessica looked down at her best friend. Dave’s hair was... disgusting. His chest hair was matted and had various bits of food and sauce stuck to it. He stank like he had been caught in a flood of stale beer. His goatee was unruly. His eyes were red and blood shot from not sleeping and crying.
She really wanted nothing more than to run a bulldozer through Adam Mitchell’s house right now.
“Ok! Enough of this.” She put on her best teacher voice and grabbed the Doritos from him.
“HEY! I was eating those!”
“And now you are going to take a shower.” She grabbed Dave’s rather thick forearm and hauled him up. He stumbled at the sudden shift in position and winced at the sharp pull in his shoulder from how hard Jessica yanked on his arm.
“Ow. How’d you get so strong?”
“Dave. I love you. You are my best friend. You have helped me through so many break ups and one night stand walks-of-shame that I have lost count. You always tell me that things get better, but you need to take the first step. So I am saying exactly the same thing to you. So go! Take that first step and have a shower!”
“Can’t the first step be back to lying down with my chips and Sally Field?”
“No. Shower. Trim your beard. Then we’ll go get coffee and real food.”
Dave stared at his best friend, then down at himself. He looked disgusting. He was disgusting.
“It hurts Jess.”
“I know it does, babe. And it will for a while.”
“Can I have a hug?”
“No. After you shower, then yes. But I really don’t think I can handle you being any closer than this.”
Dave nodded. Pouted slightly. And walked into his bedroom.
***********
Dave had spent a lot of money on his shower head. He had taken the time to research which one he wanted. He had driven around to various stores until he had found the perfect one. He had not been disappointed.
And at this moment, he was cursing Jessica for being right about the shower. He really really needed one.
The water pounded down onto his head, the back of his neck, his upper chest. He turned the shower head onto its maximum strength. And it felt... amazing.
He loved the sensation of the burning hot water searing through his skin, washing away the sweat, the beer, the various food substances. He knew that Jessica was right, wallowing in his own self pity wasn’t going to help him at all. And lying in a dark room with only the TV to keep him company was about as healthy as... well lying in a dark room with only the TV to keep him company.
He just had never felt hurt like this. At least not over a boy. Or at least not in the last 10 years...
Not thinking about that... nope, not now, no way.
Dave sighed and switched off the shower. He grabbed his towel from the rack and stepped into the steamy bathroom. Swiping at the mirror, he took a look at himself.
He was not bad looking. Actually, he was pretty good looking. He had a bit of a rugby player’s build: solid chest, muscular and thick stomach and waist. A light, but prominent, covering of chest hair that started on his pecs, getting darker and more full on his stomach, eventually disappearing underneath the towel at his waist. His arms were large and well muscled. A thick and powerful neck. His face was still soft and round, only now it was decorated by a (now) neatly trimmed goatee. He kept his hair short, which might have been to hide the grey that had started sprouting up on his temples.He guessed that he, in a way, embodied what some might call a muscle or rugby bear. Dave had embraced the bear scene in college. He had immediately felt at home there. After that first bear night at the Green Lantern in first year, he had never really looked back. It had been the first time he’d felt at home in the gay community.
Course, he was also a boring bear. Can’t forget that part.
Sighing he opened the bathroom door and walked back out into his bedroom.
“Jess?”
“Yeah.”
“I want cake with my coffee. Fuck this real food bullshit.”
*********
“Really? You needed fries AND onion rings with your burger?”
“Yup. And don’t forget the cake.”
“Of course not. You did specifically ask for the biggest slice possible.”
Dave glared at Jessica through the darkly tinted lenses of his Prada sunglasses. “I eat my feelings. You know that.”
“Yes, I’ve been watching you do it since our sophomore year.”
“So, you should be used to it by now.”
“Its unhealthy.”
“Hey. You got me outside. That’s something.”
“Yes, so you can continue to eat your weight in crap. You would tell anyone that what you’re doing is awful for them, and we both know it. How many calories do you think you’ve consumed in the past 10 days?”
“A lot.” Dave grumbled in response as he saturated another fry in ketchup.
“Dave, I’m worried. I’ve never seen you like this.”
“Jess. Come on. I think think I deserve a little pity party ok? You’re my best friend, you’re not supposed to lecture me about what I’m doing, you’re supposed to just help me deal with this. I sure as shit didn’t lecture you after your little Atlantic City getaway when Bruce dumped you. Adam told me that everything I thought was perfect with my life was crap. That the person I am is crap. That he would rather toss me to the curb and go excitement hunting because I’m dependable. I’m a fucking social worker who deals with at risk gay teens... I’m supposed to be fucking dependable! I know that eating my feelings is bad for me. But goddamn-it, it makes me feel better right now.”
“Dave...I...”
“Do you have any idea how long it took me to find someone like Adam? I have dated a lot of men, Jess. A lot of me. And I’ve slept with a lot of men. They all lasted a week or a few months, maybe a year. But then Adam, he was perfect. He was a total dork, and I feel head over heels in love with him. You know how much I loved him. I had a long term plan for us. And then 10 days ago, BAM! that plan go shoved down my garbage disposal and then fed to the rabid dogs for dinner...”
“That image makes zero sense...”
“Well it’s my image, so it does. So right now, I’m feeling pretty crappy. So what if I took some time off, I never do that remember? So what if I’ve lived off of pizza, chicken wings, ice cream, and Doritos, and beer for the past 10 days. I hurt. Everywhere. So, don’t lecture me Jess, just support me.”
“Fuck, Dave. You know I do. I’m just worried.”
“And I love you for it. But right now, I need you to take an onion ring and help me eat my pain away.”
“Will you go back to work on Monday?”
“Yes.”
“Then I’ll eat an onion ring. This salad is depressing anyways.”
Dave smiled and shoved the plate of fried food towards the blond. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you back.”
“Yeah, well I’m sorry it took me 10 fucking days of not hearing from you before I came over.”
“It’s ok. I really didn’t want to see anyone, but I’m glad you forced me out of the house.”
“Well after this I want to go buy a new jacket, you can help.”
“Can I be bitchy?”
“Isn’t that in your genes?”
“So, yes, then?”
“Yes, you can be a bitch while I try on clothes.”
Dave nodded, satisfied. Maybe this whole ‘doing everyday things’ would not be so bad after all. He looked up, from his fries, at Jess’s face. Yeah, he felt like shit, but at least there was someone to feel shitty with.
“Thanks.” He reached over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it.
“Any time big boy.” Jess smiled. “So....”
“What?”
“Question for you.”
“What?” Suddenly, Dave was not feeling that same sense of security he had a moment ago.
“Are you going to go to your high school reunion? Just to change the subject here.”
“How did you...”
“The invite was on the kitchen counter, I saw it when I was throwing out the casualties of your emotional war from the past 10 days.”
“Oh. And no. I’m not.”
“Why?”
“Seriously, Jess? You’re asking me this now?”
“Yes. It will take your mind of Adam.”
“I really don’t want to talk about this.”
“Why? Its just a high school reunion.”
“I would say that it is significantly more than just a high school reunion.”
“I think you should go.”
“And I think you are entitled to your opinion, but no I really don’t see myself going.”
“Why?”
“Because... because...”
“You have no actual reason, do you?”
“I have a millions reasons.”
“Oh? Such as?”
“The people I went to school with - they really would not want to see me.”
“Its been ten years Dave! Its not like you were a serial killer or something.”
“I think serial killing would have been better than what I was.”
“Dave, we’ve talked about how bad of a bully you were. You were a closeted jock, ass-hat idiot. But you told me that you worked hard to redeem yourself. You were in that... song and dance club, right?”
“Glee club.” Dave muttered, as he attempted to kill his plate by stabbing it with a french fry.”
“Yeah. That. So you sang and danced your way into their hearts. Come on, what’s the worst thing that could happen?”
“I was a lot more than just some bully, Jess. And you know it.”
“Right. That one kid...what was his name?”
“Kurt.” Just saying that name was like being hit by a wrecking ball. All the awful things he did to... before and after the change. The way he made Kurt feel. The look on his face. “I was a monster to him, Jess.”
“That’s a big word to throw around, hon.”
“I spent five years in therapy becoming a different person because of what I did in high school... because of what I did at gradu...”
“Graduation? What did you do at graduation.”
“No. Nothing. Look, Jess, I’m not going to my reunion. I won’t go back to Lima, Ohio. My parents moved to Florida, I live in DC, there is nothing there for me now. Nothing. I can’t face those people. I won’t. I’ve committed my whole life to helping kids who’re like I was at sixteen and seventeen. I’ve tried to come to a place of peace with what happened between Kurt and I a long time ago, not to mention everyone else that I left behind at McKinley. If I went back, I would only run the risk of getting hurt all over again, and right now...I just can’t face that.”
“When is the reunion?” Had Jess even heard any of his rationale?!”
“It’s in three months.”
“So you have three months to get yourself emotionally and mentally ready.”
“Um, what part of all that made it seem like I was going? I just said I don’t want to.”
“Dave, honey, I’ve known you for a very long time. Ten years now, ever since I spilled my latte all over you on the first day of class our freshman year. And then later embarrassed myself further by asking you out, only to have you tell me you were gay. In those ten years, you’ve become my best friend - even if you look rather anxious every time I have a hot coffee around you. And I know that the social worker/therapist/crazy mental health fanatic part of your brain is already trying to tell you that going to that reunion will be good - bring you closure or some shit like that. However, I also know that the stubborn part of you will refuse to go. And in the end, you’ll do exactly what you’re telling me you’re going to do... not go.”
“So why are we even talking about this. Eat more onion rings and let’s talk about anything else...”
“We’re talking about this because its the fact that I know exactly what you are going to do, which makes you the dependable, reliable guy...”
“Hey! That’s not fair.”
“Dave. You’re so worried about getting hurt or taking chances that you end up being the guy who over analyzes everything. Everyone knows that a Dave decision will take forever to be made, because every pro and con has to be weighed. Every possible outcome or consequence has to be thought out. Dave it took you three years to decide to move in with Adam. Most gay couples are living together after a year.”
“I...I...”
“So, I’m asking you to not consider the consequences. I think you should do the thing that dependable and reliable Dave would not do. Go. Go to the reunion. Be spontaneous and just see what happens. Sure you might get hurt. Or you might find something amazing about yourself. Who knows.”
“Its just not that easy Jess. I don’t know if any of those people even want to see me again.”
“So what?! You’re not the kid you were. You’ve changed. You’re a totally different person than you were ten years ago. You’ll show them how amazing you are now, you’ll apologize, maybe it will be good for you. It might break you out of this idea that you’re boring...”
“I am really boring aren’t I?”
“No, you’re just very careful with yourself and your feelings. You’re guarded... so you like to plan.”
“And that makes me boring.”
“You’re changing the subject.”
“I am not. Its connected. I’m guarded, which makes me reliable cause I am always there, I’m the constant in everyone’s lives, and that makes me boring.”
“So do something unexpected, for yourself. If you were your own therapist, what would you say?”
“Broaden your horizons. Take a risk and see what happens.”
“So, go to the reunion and see what happens.”
“Can’t I just go on a cruise and see what happens?”
“You can... but I am not sure the result would be the same.”
“What if it was a gay cruise - the drinking and the sex would relax me?”
“Dave, at least think about it?”
“I can think about it... no promises though. Still think the cruise option is the best one.”
“Deal.” Jess stuck out her hand. “Shake on it.”
“Fine. Deal. How about we go shopping now?”
********
Dave walked into his dark apartment, dropping his bags on the floor and switching on the hallway light. He scanned the apartment. Jess had done a very good job of cleaning up. Every pizza box and chip bag was gone. There was a small collection of beer bottles by his recycle bin. The room, however, still smelled of sweat and beer, but a couple open windows would solve that.
He kicked off his shoes, grabbed his bags and went to deposit them in the bed room.
Once that was done, he wandered into the kitchen. Dave planned on getting himself a beer, but as he walked past the kitchen island he saw the letter from McKinley High. It was just sitting there, mocking him. Reminding him of everything Jess said over lunch.
He picked up the letter. Reading it, for what seemed like the thousandth time. Was Jess right? Would going to the reunion help break him of this lifestyle that kept him guarded as an act of self-preservation? Where he was so frightened of doing the wrong thing because it might undo ten years of a lot of therapy. Would going to this reunion count as being spontaneous enough?
He had no idea what to do...
Seeing them all again. Seeing Kurt. Fuck... he would have to see Kurt again. Talk to Kurt. Could he really handle that? After everything with Adam could he handle seeing the one person who broke him the first time, the one person that he first broke? Could he really handle that emotional minefield so soon after having his heart broken? He’d have to face what he did. All the things he did.
Hudson... what would it mean having to see him again. A man who was his enemy, turned friend and then enemy again. Or Berry - he had come out to her before anyone else. They had a real friendship based on trust and honesty... could he even face her again? Or the rest of them... the Glee Club. They had let him in. And then he did... well he did what he did. Then he just disappeared.
And then there was Az. Fuck... he had not even thought of him.
He had become a monster at the end. Would ten years and all the work he put into making himself a better person, a stronger person. Someone who helps kids - gay kids. Kurt would probably see that as being somewhat admirable. But was it enough? Would it bring him closure? The kind of closure he needed - would doing this help him deal with Adam? Could going back to Lima mean that he could change his life? He had lost Adam because of the person Lima and his actions there had made him, could going back help him to change his life yet again....maybe one spontaneous action might make a little less dependable and a little more, well exciting.
Dave sighed. He unlocked his phone and dialed. He closed his eyes.
“Hi, this is Dave Karofsky. Um... I got the invite to the ten year reunion. Yeah, I wanted to RSVP.”