the polyamory subreddit would drive me nuts if I went back there

[kanzeon_2040]

Poly people are generally so much more controlling than relationship anarchists. So many rules and boundaries! So many rules to break and then grief to feel! Mainly they seem to have or want multiple monogamous relationships, with all the implicit mutual slaveries and oxymorons those would entail

Comments

[matrixmann]

Relationship anarchism - there's a question that I have.

Can it be that, whatever one's personal "style" is to have whatever relationships with other humans, the final image how someone's pattern for relationships looks like can be very individual?

Like... one manages to acquire a harem behind themselves because they find 3 or 4 people which are mainly interested in one person and don't want or have the time for a relationship with someone else (or a live-in relationship) - and another person, there it is like in your case, everyone of all of them live scattered across the whole country, with you being the second or third "choice" or someone to return to now and then?

[kanzeon_2040]

I do think the results can be very individual. There are people who are only interested in one relationship who don't mind if their partners have sex and/or romance with others. Often for the reason you say, they don't have time for more than one relationship or are satisfied with focusing on their one partner. Some people call this a mono-poly relationship, but I think that's a bit of a misnomer; I think you aren't really monogamous if you're willing to let your partners be poly because the hard work of poly is letting go of that feeling of ownership of your partners. The easy part of poly is getting to fuck around, the hard part is letting your partner(s) fuck around.

[matrixmann]

A basic openness in my case stems from the circumstance of having recognized, there's never gonna be just one person in which all my needs and desires will be united. It's just too unlikely, too unrealistic. Because these things are... how do I say? ...very, very selective and specialized, perhaps even contradictory in some parts

[ahunter3]

I tend to call myself poly but except for having a really absolute attitude about coercion being wrong - and that includes the fuzzy coercion from structural power imbalances like doing your intern or your student - I'm a "no rules" person. For me poly is about not infringing on your (singular or plural) partners' right to do any damn thing they want that doesn't involve you. If it *does* involve you, you get to say no to it if it isn't for you.

Relationship anarchist or polyamorist?

[kanzeon_2040]

You sound RA to me :-)