Week 24, Day 1 ✦ Dream ✦ "Flying"
<< Dream contains references to child-suicide. Viewer discretion is advised! >>
( The sky was beautiful that day. It was perfectly clear, cold and bright, the pale sky done in a delicate blue that snapped of ice in the wind and deceptively sunny winter days. )
( The sky was beautiful that day. It was perfectly clear, cold and bright, the pale sky done in a delicate blue that snapped of ice in the wind and deceptively sunny winter days. )
Comments 52
Awareness hit a little more with the realization that he had a strong arm wrapped around his waist and a heavy leg caught between his own, pinning one down.
He was thankful then for the dim, false morning light, enough to cover the faint dust of a blush warming his face as he pushed up onto an elbow - after elbowing the ninja currently using him for a body pillow - and peered over the side.]
Fai? Fai, you alright?
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Hrrrngh. Whazzit?
[With a discontented grumble, he lifted his face from the curve of Yuui's neck and blinked, sleepily. When he saw Fai on the floor of the bedroom he lifted one thick eyebrow in inquiry.]
You okay, kid?
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[Yuui was big again. Youou was...was big again. Fai hesitated, desperately trying to control his expression and managed to come across as bewildered rather than stricken.
He would not cry. Couldn't.
Yuui didn't deserve that, nor Kurogane. They hadn't chosen to become small, or to become big. It was some magic of this place, it had to be. The idea that Yuui would willingly forsake him was too much to think about. Fai remembered to breath and tried a shaky smile.]
It was a dream... I fell out of the bed.
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[ The rather pleasant sensation that teased his skin at the damned nuzzling was completely and utterly ignored (right?) as Yuui gave Kurogane one last light elbow to the ribs and managed to slip out of his hold, enough to scoot over and lean over the edge of the bed.
It was effortless to lift his twin from the floor, now, and the regret at 'growing up' again was there, too, reflected in his eyes. Just another reminder of the time that separated him from Fai and an unwelcome one at that.
He could feel it, the sharp pinprick of tears that threatened and for once he strove to keep them from falling.
Fai didn't need that, it wasn't either of their faults.
So with a nimble little twist, he lifted his twin from the floor and tossed him down onto the bed between him and Kurogane, returned that wisp of a smile with one of his own, as if to reassure silently that he still understood what his beloved brother was feeling.]
Not good at all, but we're here - right Kuro-sama? Wanna talk about it, Fai?
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Isn't it obvious?
Because he does know that some people haven't lost anyone precious to them yet. Maybe he has just forgotten how that feels, even if it was only a couple of years ago, perhaps not even that long ago, that his family started dying, started getting murdered.
Maybe he has just forgotten how it feels to have everyone you love alive, to not have experienced that pain that never quite goes away even as you accept the situation, to not have watched it tear everyone left apart.
He can't understand why you would want to put anyone through that. No matter the reason...]
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Why?
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Seeing it again, in this strange, secondhand way brought it flooding back, and with that; horror. Yuui couldn't see this. He'd...]
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Because... One of us had to die, so the other could go free. I had to free Yuui.
[He closes his eyes against the memory of a booming voice. "You must choose!"
He can't remember if the voice is his uncle's or Fei Wong Reed's.]
I had to.
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[That's all that Kanda wants to think of after seeing this, but it's not quite that simple. It just might be that one thing that redeems humans, even if he can't really understand it. Still, it makes him think of things he doesn't want to remember, doesn't want to understand, doesn't want to acknowledge. And thanks to that, he has no wish nor strength to respond in any way.]
[Because when faced with a choice, he had killed his closest person himself.]
[But a few muttered words slip out anyway, a Hitomi button pressed mechanically to deliver the message before the whole device is turned off and tossed into a corner.]
...you're an idiot.
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[Denial? It's par for the course.]
I don't want anyone to be hurt.
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[A little hard to believe, this is.]
I'm not afraid of your fucking brother! You're missing the point!
[RUBBING TEMPLES.]
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[He's no longer yelling, at least, though still sounds a little annoyed.]
Why the hell would you do something like that. You do realize all you accomplished was hurting what's precious to you.
[Like your goddamn brother, for example. Who's also the one to start the fights here, he might add. But that's not the point here.]
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[The two brothers, ready to die for each other, one of them finally fulfilling it. Gilbert feels a little sick while watching it, but it's probably from fighting uninvited tears.]
[He's quite certain he could never feel this strongly, and it makes him disgusted with himself. Because he should cherish his little brother very much, and yet... Why must he be like that? Why does he continue to hurt Vincent this way? He deserves a much better brother than Gilbert, he really does. Why can't they be -- like before[Seeing this, he can only hope Vince doesn't already have a head full of similar stupid, ridiculous ideas of not being needed and wanting to disappear. Because if he does, it's all Gilbert's fault. And it might break him. Even if maybe he'd manage to keep smiling, like his Master had showed him, there's no saying if it wouldn't only be an empty shell ( ... )
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Only. That wasn't possible, apparently.
He wasn't sure quite what brought him up and into the hallway itself, but the sound from his brother's room? Well, it brings him right to where he wants to be most, inside that room.
He flies through the door without hesitation, dressed in a nightshirt, his eyes quickly taking in the scene. No pause at all, once he realizes where Gilbert is sitting; quick strides bring him toward the desk.]
Gil? Gil!?
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What is it, Vince?
[His voice doesn't sound at all irritated how it often tends to when his brother suddenly invades his room; it's actually almost soft, and maybe a little tired. He's probably smiling faintly under that cover, but he's not showing his face just yet. Calm down, calm down.]
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Is it because something has changed between them, or is Gilbert just that exhausted?
Well. Vincent will see.
He steps up behind his brother at the desk, reaches out, settles both hands on Gilbert's shoulders from behind... and begins kneading gently.]
I thought I heard something.
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He'd stopped and set the bag down beside a tree, just off the visible path and crouched down to watch.
The breath he'd taken to steel himself to whatever he was about to see was utterly useless when the dream blinked onto the screen.
His fingers tightened as every emotion - exhilaration, weariness, ragged exhaustion - flooded him, resonated with a blinding clarity with the child he'd been that day, making it hard to draw a single breath.
But what hurt the most was that fleeting moment of joy when their eyes met.
What cut the deepest was the pervading sense of peace right before the end that had him pitching the Hitomi as hard as he could at another tree as if it burned ( ... )
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