Week 24, Day 1 ✦ Dream ✦ "Flying"

[towertwin]

<< Dream contains references to child-suicide. Viewer discretion is advised! >>

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[Reaction]

[devotedraven]

[Once again.]

[The two brothers, ready to die for each other, one of them finally fulfilling it. Gilbert feels a little sick while watching it, but it's probably from fighting uninvited tears.]

[He's quite certain he could never feel this strongly, and it makes him disgusted with himself. Because he should cherish his little brother very much, and yet... Why must he be like that? Why does he continue to hurt Vincent this way? He deserves a much better brother than Gilbert, he really does. Why can't they be -- like before[Seeing this, he can only hope Vince doesn't already have a head full of similar stupid, ridiculous ideas of not being needed and wanting to disappear. Because if he does, it's all Gilbert's fault. And it might break him. Even if maybe he'd manage to keep smiling, like his Master had showed him, there's no saying if it wouldn't only be an empty shell

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[nightraysewerat]

[This time, it is Vincent who has missed the dream. Simply because he had actually been... not quite sleeping, but lying in the dark with his eyes closed, listening. It was strange to be back in the house: not even because he had been gone long, but because he'd intended to stay gone.

Only. That wasn't possible, apparently.

He wasn't sure quite what brought him up and into the hallway itself, but the sound from his brother's room? Well, it brings him right to where he wants to be most, inside that room.

He flies through the door without hesitation, dressed in a nightshirt, his eyes quickly taking in the scene. No pause at all, once he realizes where Gilbert is sitting; quick strides bring him toward the desk.]

Gil? Gil!?

[Action]

[devotedraven]

[Gilbert flinches a little at the sound of the door opening and his brother's voice, but doesn't move from where he's sitting, fingers digging into his hair a little. He takes a shaky breath, trying to calm himself; he doesn't want his voice to tremble.]

What is it, Vince?

[His voice doesn't sound at all irritated how it often tends to when his brother suddenly invades his room; it's actually almost soft, and maybe a little tired. He's probably smiling faintly under that cover, but he's not showing his face just yet. Calm down, calm down.]

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[nightraysewerat]

[Why is Gilbert sitting up at the desk crying? He sounded like he was crying, anyway, and now his voice... it's just not what Vincent expects. Where's the lack of patience and frustration with him?

Is it because something has changed between them, or is Gilbert just that exhausted?

Well. Vincent will see.

He steps up behind his brother at the desk, reaches out, settles both hands on Gilbert's shoulders from behind... and begins kneading gently.]

I thought I heard something.

[Action]

[devotedraven]

[Gilbert inhales once more; the shaking finally seems to stop, and he lowers one hand down on the desk, somewhat lifelessly almost, while still holding the other on his face and looking down.]

[This touch is soothing, but he doesn't deserve it.]

I-it's nothing. You don't have to...

[He cuts off suddenly, something in his throat not wanting him to continue. Dammit.]

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[nightraysewerat]

[Silly Gilbert. Vincent gently flicks at his ear with one finger before going right back to massaging.]

Are you going to tell me what's wrong?

[It's a simple question, really. Claiming there's nothing wrong at all just isn't going to cut it.]

[Action]

[devotedraven]

[A faint smile at the flick on Gilbert's face; it's funny for him to be the one scolded all of the sudden. He doesn't complain though, and just remains still, before shrugging a little bit and slowly shaking his head.]

[He can almost read Vincent's mind about this, and drops the idea to insist there's nothing at all; his brother does know him quite well despite everything, and they do kind of get along better in this world...]

I'm... not even sure it... can be put to words.

[At least he has no idea how to do it.]

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[nightraysewerat]

Is there anything I can do?

[Anything at all? He'll do it, you know. If it's killing someone or hurting himself or giving everything up, it doesn't matter. Anything.]

I just want to help.

[Vincent's fingers work the tense muscles of Gilbert's shoulders insistently, determined.]

[Action]

[devotedraven]

[Gilbert doesn't move, still looking down. There's just no way to phrase what's turning over and over in his chest right now, awakened by witnessing that kid's dream. And he's always known that for Vincent, it's all about him, everything, always... and that only makes it more difficult

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[nightraysewerat]

[The fingers working at Gilbert's shoulders still, with the words. There's a moment where Vincent's entire form is frozen, stiff, completely caught off guard by his brother's question.

He has said that he'll do anything, hasn't he? And it's never mattered, whether it's killing or putting himself in danger, whether it's destroying everything they know, as long as it's for Gilbert.

But this one thing... he simply doesn't know how.

And yet his brother is asking him, straight out, directly. He can't just ignore that. Finally, after a moment, he slips one hand from Gilbert's shoulder, slides it up into his brother's dark hair, gently coming his fingers through it.]

That would take quite the burden off you, wouldn't it?

[Action]

[devotedraven]

[He flinches and freezes as the simple question rings like accusation in his ears, his head hanging lower. It's true that this might be part of a reason he wants it; after all, if only Vincent had more regards for himself, he wouldn't feel half as guilty for not loving him enough himself. Then he wouldn't be the only source of care and support his brother has, he wouldn't be as vital to him, and the additional closeness wouldn't have to exist. So is he really saying it just because he wants to keep running away?]

[No, it's not just that. It's because he cares that he wants his brother not to depend so much on him. Because Gilbert is a horrible, horrible older brother and Vincent deserves so much better. Because he doesn't want him to suffer just because he's such a bad person.]

[His voice breaks and starts trembling again, and he speaks very quietly.]

T-that's not it... you shouldn't care about me so much, Vince. I'm not worth it.

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[nightraysewerat]

Big brother.

[Vincent continues his gentle petting at Gilbert's hair, his voice coming out in a quiet rebuke. He draws in a deep breath, his quick mind trying to find the proper order for the words to convey his feelings, in the moment.

Most of what he would like to say is impossible, too much, things that will simply drive Gilbert away. He's done that so many times in the past, spoken to his brother in the wrong manner and seen the rejection in those golden eyes.

He couldn't see those eyes, now. But he had silky dark locks under his fingers, and as he spoke again, he leaned over the back of Gilbert's chair, pressed his lips against his brother's crown.]

I will learn to love myself more, yes. You cannot ask me to love you any less, however. It's not in me to do so.

[Action]

[devotedraven]

[It's not as good as he'd wish for, but it's better than he expected, and he nods a bit with a choked sob, his hands moving to find at least one of Vincent's and squeeze it.]

Thank you...

[It's quiet, soft and genuine, even if he's not sure himself why he's feeling so grateful for something like this. He just wants his brother to manage to be happy without having to forget what's important to him either, and... even if for a moment, he wonders that maybe it's possible.]

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[nightraysewerat]

[His brother, reaching for his hand. Taking it, of his own accord. There is nothing Vincent won't promise to get that; except of course, the thing he has just refused. He closes his eyes, leans further over Gilbert, his head falling atop Gilbert's, his lips pressing against dark hair.]

You should rest, brother.

[Is this too much? Will he be pushed away, now? He clutches almost desperately at the hand in his own, suddenly almost frozen.]

[Action]

[devotedraven]

[Gilbert might be tensing up a little but he's not going to push his brother away; he simply doesn't have it in him, not after the heart-ripping train of thoughts he's just been on. He doesn't try to pull away his hand, either, just stays perfectly still. Even relaxing again, a little.]

I'll be fine...

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[nightraysewerat]

You're exhausted and upset.

[Vincent strokes his thumb against the back of Gilbert's hand, and then says softly.]

Go back to bed for a little. I'll watch over you.