[Week 17, Day 2, just before sunrise | Dream] And I breathe no more

[hirac_utzum]

(Warning: This will be triggery, as is it based on the events of the Mara incident.)

Comments

[Action]

[mightstealyrcar]

[Matt slept for a few hours, and he's trying to talk himself into falling asleep again, which never works, but it's too goddamn early to admit it won't work, and far, far too early to get up.

No matter where he leaves the Hitomi, it always seems to end up on the bedside table, so he gets this dream loud and clear, painfully so, the hopelessness, the shame and pain, all of it; it leaves him shaken.

And then he gets pissed.

Fuck you, Kannagara. He scrambles out of bed. Fuck you for doing this to him. Pulls on his shirt. And fuck you so much for making him feel it again.

He doesn't bother sending a message, and he doesn't care that it's not quite light outside. He's damn well going to Elfangor's room, and if J doesn't like it, fuck it, Matt'll take the heat later.

He knocks on the door, quietly.]

Hey, it's me.

[Action]

[hirac_utzum]

[He almost doesn't hear the knock, his own pulse too loud in his ears to hear much of anything.

But he hears Matt's voice.]

Matt...?

[Oh, no. No, no, don't see him like this, not when he's still shaken and fucking weak, not with tears still wet on his face. He scrubs at his face, even though he knows it will probably just make him look more of a mess, but needs to try, needs to pull himself together.]

Sorry. Did I wake you up?

[Action]

[mightstealyrcar]

I was already awake.

[He hugs himself, shivering a bit in the morning cold, feeling thoroughly awkward, because he doesn't know what to do. Doesn't know if there's anything he can do that will be much help.]

Do you... I mean, can I come in? I mean. If you'd rather be alone...

[Action]

[hirac_utzum]

I don't... no, I... I mean. [Shakes his head.] Yes, you can come in. 'course you can.

I... guess you saw. [He can't quite meet Matt's eye. Too ashamed, too raw. Goddamn Hitomi.]

[audio]

[bunzuh]

[ Ax had not been asleep. Ax had been roaming the plains restlessly, wondering about the Animorphs and their battle back home, wondering about the strange sense of disconnect he feels between his natural sense of time and the way it doesn't always (in fact, usually doesn't) line up with the time that passes in Kannagara, wondering about his duties as an aristh and everything in between, wondering, wondering

[audio | private | being E's answering service]

[mightstealyrcar]

[The Hitomi's chime seems loud, and Matt grabs it without thinking, to make it be quiet, and he pitches his voice low; Elfangor has only just drifted off again.]

Hey, Ax, it's Matt, sorry. Your brother's asleep.

[audio | private]

[bunzuh]

[ Oh.

Ax skids to a halt just outside Yomisato proper, replaying Matt's message just to see if he had heard correctly. He had, of course.

Logically, it is totally understandable that Elfangor would be trying to get some real sleep after that. The fact that he has someone around to warn away well-intentioned people who might disturb that rest is also understandable, and fortunate, even.

It's just -

It's just -

Ax drags a hoof through the dirt, twitches his tail uneasily. It's just that he thought he should have been the one by his brother's side.

But then again, he's just an aristh. ]

< I -

I see. Thank you for telling me. >

[audio | private]

[mightstealyrcar]

Oh, I'm not saying don't come over. I was just, um. Right down the hall, y'know. Got here first.

[He's so sticking with audio, and feels like he's intruding again. They're family, and he's just the tagalong geek. And does Ax even know about this… whatever it is?

Matt's not going to be the one to tell him, and feels the whole question is kinda inappropriate right now, anyway. He'd be here no matter what, offering what little help he can.]

So. Yeah. If you're on your way. Don't let me stop you.

[He considers reminding Ax to leave their door intact, but this situation's already uncomfortable enough.]