[reaction] I/II l_shruggedJanuary 3 2011, 22:22:59 UTC
[The burning in his shoulders, coiling around and around the socket, tickling, prodding, begging that you sink your fingers through flesh to itch it and smooth out the wrinkles of tension. Worse yet, his hands are idle yet bound, fingers bending inwards and digging tips into his palms. It’s frustrating, and those familiar unfamiliar sensations that are not solely your own threaten to overwhelm. Inhales the chilly air, lungs almost languid in performing the task, and you recognize that sensation.
There is some panic, that perhaps he - no, those aren’t his thoughts, but - The visual of the two men heading the plane and he strains to identify his thoughts among the mixture of aggravation, fear and determination. And it’s too hard, exhausting, or perhaps that is the result of the struggling.
He.
Who is heAn attractive face, first, brown hair and caramel-toned hues; it dissolves into a younger face, hues duller and expression less intimidating, and the very foreign name breeds such recognition that he almost sinks completely into
( ... )
[private | audio.] --> DONEl_shruggedJanuary 3 2011, 22:41:51 UTC
[And despite the uselessness of words, the general lack of necessity that he respond, a certain degree of respect for privacy (mild bullshit), he decidedly does enable audio. The content and the mention of the eyes was enough to draw interest. And it's, for once, not directed at that which is well beyond his resources. or this world. Given that the man isn't particularly private.
Of course, it wouldn't be very intelligent, socially, to simply approach with mere curiosity. It would also be rather irritating to be prodded immediately following the dream, which is why he does permit the passage of time.
L does understand the basic mechanics of social interaction, surprisingly.
And ten to fifteen minutes in and he speaks in a neutral tone, injecting the query with some level of concern.]
I hope you've recovered now, mm? [Break.] Dreams seem far more elaborate in Kannagara than ever before; clearly not a positive for many of us.
[private | audio.] sorry this took an eternity ;;dramatic_capeJanuary 8 2011, 07:03:26 UTC
[ Dammit, Ryuzaki. You disappear for months and then just have to show up again, incessant nosiness and all, in time to pry your fingers into this? That's actually enraging. That's actually the most infuriating thing Lelouch can think of right now, if he were in a state to be enraged or infuriated. As it is, he's so emotionally numb - or in shock, either works - right now that he just glances at the Hitomi as he walks.
He throws it behind him, knowing it will just reappear in his pocket, and vows to talk to Ryuzaki some other time.
Thus, it is over twelve hours later when Lelouch finally gets up the resolve to answer him. ]
I see you're back. [ He didn't manage to say it with as much light friendliness as he'd usually try to muster. Oh, well. ]
[private | audio.] no problem <3l_shruggedJanuary 8 2011, 11:28:21 UTC
[And, when there is no response, L's recourse is to continue preparing for his journey to Mizusato, though this requires little more than locating an appropriate footwear. The geta strap digs in between his toes and pale fingers react by vainly slipping between the aggressive roughness and his skin. The tip rubs over it absently, thoughtless of the fact that the same index may or may not be prodding his lower lip within the hour. That is, given that he decides the leave early
( ... )
[reaction] || [1/... /checks notebook. hmm, 6, probably. maybe, um ...]keptdownJanuary 4 2011, 03:26:50 UTC
[ He has to force himself to just sit by and watch, to just sit there and take everything in image-wise first (unmoving, unrelenting, as numb as he's ever been). He doesn't want to be still, though; by all means, he wants to be standing up right now to find his Emperor and force him out of it, shake him (hold him) until he wakes up from this -- whatever this is, this dream. This urge, the feeling -- to hold, to protect-- itself, has grown too much, and he doesn't bother stopping it as he brings his knees up to his chest and tilts his head to the side. Sometimes a change of angles is all he needs.
Because he remembers this, vividly.
(Normally, thoughts of Euphemia swept the pain of the betrayal away; telling himself that he did the things he had were for her always made things so much easier for him, anyhow. But, now he replaces Euphemia with him and her. In the beginning, that's what he should have done.)
That's why he watches it to its full entirety, unfeeling and just so damn numb, even when Lelouch screams and Nunnally's
( ... )
[3/la dee da ...]keptdownJanuary 4 2011, 03:28:03 UTC
[ He regrets it immediately, should have understood that he should have left it alone, shouldn't have touched it, (shouldn't exist) shouldn't have cared. Zero wouldn't have gave it a second thought --
murderer
-- shut up shut up shut up I did what I had to just shut the fuck up you killed Euphemia and made me think I killed Nunnally made me kill all of those people --
And he has to remember forgiveness somewhere in there after this, has to remember to keep his own thoughts under control, listen to Lelouch's, and try to fucking understand something here. Oh, he does, little by little, smoldering fear, and a pain that aches something new ...
[4/this is a very mindfuck-y dream aaa]keptdownJanuary 4 2011, 03:29:20 UTC
[ It makes sense, he finds himself thinking near the end, forcing his self-control down on his flaring emotions reacting to this, being this. Suzaku is dead. Suzaku is dead remember you are Zero. At least, according to his gravestone and death certificate that Lelouch-the-mighty-Emperor kept (pompous, irritating bastard-of-all-bastards). Anything left, any traces of 'Kururugi Suzaku,' that were left after that happened to be forced upon Lelouch vi Britannia, who took those pieces with him when he died (Suzaku accepts that Geass). Rightfully so, as it should been, as it should have been all along. Lelouch, who doesn't realize he has most of the pieces on the board --
-- that's why it didn't hurt as much as it would have when Lelouch told him he couldn't be happy without Nunnally. Why, after this dream ends and Lelouch screams, Zero can close his eyes. Remaining a cold and never faltering, never moving, stone statue for the rest of his life.
But this -- it truly does have an effect on him, shaking him deep down. He can't deny
( ... )
[He is numb. Numb with horror at this--at seeing, feeling what it is like to have your memories ripped from you, drained dry of what is most important to you.
(Will Loren ever remember him? Actually remember him, as more than a flash of blue--but as friend, comrade in battle, lover, spouse? It seems less and less likely as the days pass by and the awkwardness simmers.)
He wants to tell Lelouch that he understands, but he doesn't, not really, not from this angle. But he has been affected by this sort of thing, affected deeply, and to that degree he can extend his empathy. Perhaps later, when this is not so raw and lingering, when the dream has had time to fade a bit, as memories are apt to do.
But he should talk to him, nonetheless. They haven't really talked since that incident...
[ Reaction/Video ]ad_salvatioJanuary 21 2011, 01:12:10 UTC
[ He shouldn't have touched it. He shouldn't have, and he knew it, shouldn't have looked but he did it, and it just doesn't end, does it. Doesn't stop, this terrible thing that goes on and on and it's a little too familiar, a little too much like the darkness that was his prison for what could have been days or weeks or months. Losing time, not even understanding the concept of it, because he didn't understand anything at all, didn't know anything beyond the darkness and the memory of closing light in the distance and a face of midnight black. He had become one with it, had been reduced down to this: a man who did not even know he was a man, locked up in a dark coffin, and when he sleeps his dreams are as empty as the night around him
( ... )
[ Reaction/Video ]ad_salvatioJanuary 21 2011, 01:12:22 UTC
[ Easier to be nothing, to be one with the silence and the stillness of the darkness, to spread yourself so thin you no longer have a body and for a while, the pain disappears, your muscles disintegrate into bone and then your skin evaporates and you are dust, you are air, you are not a man with no name who doesn't know his own face or the sound of his voice or what living even is or that he is alive and what it means to breathe or why he is here and not outside where the light shines and voices collect into sounds that form into words that have meaning beyond the ones you make to keep yourself company because you know you are alone if only because you cannot forget the face of the man who took away the only light you had ever known. And so this is not really nothing, not really, not nothing because there was light beyond it for a moment, for a flicker before the boom and the lock, before the silence began and before the night stretched on for so long you could have forgotten that when you opened your eyes you saw it. That light
( ... )
[audio | private]dramatic_capeJanuary 21 2011, 04:55:26 UTC
[ Lelouch sees this hours later, after dawn turned the sky pink, after he crashed at Elfangor's house and let something less sleep than unconsciousness take him under for a few hours. Sees Peter drop the Hitomi and look like he might vomit or faint or both.
And wonders. Wonders how much he really knows about Peter. Peter... who now shares the power of the king. (The power of the king will isolate you - is that true any longer?)
[audio | private]ad_salvatioJanuary 21 2011, 05:02:07 UTC
[ Is he alright. Oh yes, he's fine, perfectly fine, fine as fine can be, no there's nothing wrong at all, he did not just see what he's been trying to forget he saw a few hours ago. He's not quite at the verge of throwing up any more, and has calmed down considerably since, and curses lightly under his breath when he realizes that he must have accidentally sent a response of some kind. ]
Comments 26
There is some panic, that perhaps he - no, those aren’t his thoughts, but - The visual of the two men heading the plane and he strains to identify his thoughts among the mixture of aggravation, fear and determination. And it’s too hard, exhausting, or perhaps that is the result of the struggling.
He.
Who is heAn attractive face, first, brown hair and caramel-toned hues; it dissolves into a younger face, hues duller and expression less intimidating, and the very foreign name breeds such recognition that he almost sinks completely into ( ... )
Reply
Reply
Of course, it wouldn't be very intelligent, socially, to simply approach with mere curiosity. It would also be rather irritating to be prodded immediately following the dream, which is why he does permit the passage of time.
L does understand the basic mechanics of social interaction, surprisingly.
And ten to fifteen minutes in and he speaks in a neutral tone, injecting the query with some level of concern.]
I hope you've recovered now, mm? [Break.] Dreams seem far more elaborate in Kannagara than ever before; clearly not a positive for many of us.
Reply
He throws it behind him, knowing it will just reappear in his pocket, and vows to talk to Ryuzaki some other time.
Thus, it is over twelve hours later when Lelouch finally gets up the resolve to answer him. ]
I see you're back. [ He didn't manage to say it with as much light friendliness as he'd usually try to muster. Oh, well. ]
Reply
Reply
Because he remembers this, vividly.
(Normally, thoughts of Euphemia swept the pain of the betrayal away; telling himself that he did the things he had were for her always made things so much easier for him, anyhow. But, now he replaces Euphemia with him and her. In the beginning, that's what he should have done.)
That's why he watches it to its full entirety, unfeeling and just so damn numb, even when Lelouch screams and Nunnally's ( ... )
Reply
Reply
murderer
-- shut up shut up shut up I did what I had to just shut the fuck up you killed Euphemia and made me think I killed Nunnally made me kill all of those people --
And he has to remember forgiveness somewhere in there after this, has to remember to keep his own thoughts under control, listen to Lelouch's, and try to fucking understand something here. Oh, he does, little by little, smoldering fear, and a pain that aches something new ...
He will make it through this to the end. ]
Reply
-- that's why it didn't hurt as much as it would have when Lelouch told him he couldn't be happy without Nunnally. Why, after this dream ends and Lelouch screams, Zero can close his eyes. Remaining a cold and never faltering, never moving, stone statue for the rest of his life.
But this -- it truly does have an effect on him, shaking him deep down. He can't deny ( ... )
Reply
(Will Loren ever remember him? Actually remember him, as more than a flash of blue--but as friend, comrade in battle, lover, spouse? It seems less and less likely as the days pass by and the awkwardness simmers.)
He wants to tell Lelouch that he understands, but he doesn't, not really, not from this angle. But he has been affected by this sort of thing, affected deeply, and to that degree he can extend his empathy. Perhaps later, when this is not so raw and lingering, when the dream has had time to fade a bit, as memories are apt to do.
But he should talk to him, nonetheless. They haven't really talked since that incident...
Yes, later would be for the best.]
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And wonders. Wonders how much he really knows about Peter. Peter... who now shares the power of the king. (The power of the king will isolate you - is that true any longer?)
Lelouch keys over to audio and replies. ]
Peter? Are you alright?
Reply
Yeah... yeah, I'm okay. Sorry about that.
[ And then a slight pause. Hesitant. ]
Are you okay?
Reply
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