[4/this is a very mindfuck-y dream aaa]keptdownJanuary 4 2011, 03:29:20 UTC
[ It makes sense, he finds himself thinking near the end, forcing his self-control down on his flaring emotions reacting to this, being this. Suzaku is dead. Suzaku is dead remember you are Zero. At least, according to his gravestone and death certificate that Lelouch-the-mighty-Emperor kept (pompous, irritating bastard-of-all-bastards). Anything left, any traces of 'Kururugi Suzaku,' that were left after that happened to be forced upon Lelouch vi Britannia, who took those pieces with him when he died (Suzaku accepts that Geass). Rightfully so, as it should been, as it should have been all along. Lelouch, who doesn't realize he has most of the pieces on the board --
-- that's why it didn't hurt as much as it would have when Lelouch told him he couldn't be happy without Nunnally. Why, after this dream ends and Lelouch screams, Zero can close his eyes. Remaining a cold and never faltering, never moving, stone statue for the rest of his life.
But this -- it truly does have an effect on him, shaking him deep down. He can't deny it, can't sit here and say that he doesn't feel anything. Hell, Suzaku feels; Zero feels too, just ... differently. He'd been trained (three months doesn't feel like training, though) to act and react appropriately in front of people, to choose them over him as he had been since he killed his father, but ...
There's no one here; only him, two rabbits, and this Hitomi that made him feel even more utter despair -- the despair and fear that Lelouch went through. Lelouch, who is truly so close to cracking (probably definitely already has), who was so soft and warm and desperate in his arms -- this isn't how he -- how -- Suzaku (no, Zero) realizes that he deserves it, knows he always has. Hypocritical, masochistic little him, a symbol of justice, Justice itself, standing beside Nunnally vi Britannia. ]
-- that's why it didn't hurt as much as it would have when Lelouch told him he couldn't be happy without Nunnally. Why, after this dream ends and Lelouch screams, Zero can close his eyes. Remaining a cold and never faltering, never moving, stone statue for the rest of his life.
But this -- it truly does have an effect on him, shaking him deep down. He can't deny it, can't sit here and say that he doesn't feel anything. Hell, Suzaku feels; Zero feels too, just ... differently. He'd been trained (three months doesn't feel like training, though) to act and react appropriately in front of people, to choose them over him as he had been since he killed his father, but ...
There's no one here; only him, two rabbits, and this Hitomi that made him feel even more utter despair -- the despair and fear that Lelouch went through. Lelouch, who is truly so close to cracking (probably definitely already has), who was so soft and warm and desperate in his arms -- this isn't how he -- how -- Suzaku (no, Zero) realizes that he deserves it, knows he always has. Hypocritical, masochistic little him, a symbol of justice, Justice itself, standing beside Nunnally vi Britannia. ]
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