[video] || [private]keptdownOctober 26 2010, 22:22:40 UTC
[it's her when he sees this. marianne vi britannia. the woman who did not care for her children, the woman that he, lelouch, and c.c. faced. the woman who stood beside her husband, beside charles, selfishly. the woman who didn't care about nunnally. that woman --
-- who did not deserve to live. he has to bite that back down his throat, seeing lelouch, knowing he's -- replying now. jumping out of the tree and already heading off before he speaks, quietly:]
Hey. Where are you, Lelouch?
[zero's mask and suit left back in the tree with his belt, as suzaku prefers the lighter clothing he has on (something back from that long lost childhood of his, perhaps the matsuri here even), and he's walking
( ... )
[geass. oh, how suzaku loathes it with his entire being. there was a time, probably when he captured lelouch and was going to turn him in to charles, that suzaku was tempted to rip the eye with the geass from lelouch's eye socket. but, he didn't. he didn't back then, because it wasn't his place
( ... )
[ Immediately, Lelouch regrets saying it at all. He doesn't want to be comforted about it. That would validate it. He can't wish for Nunnally to be here. It isn't safe here. He remembers yelling at C.C. about it at the matsuri (when he had been totally wasted): It's not safe here. People stay here. They become not themselves. Lelouch doesn't want that to happen to Nunnally. He'd die before he let it happen. ]
It doesn't matter - it really doesn't. I don't want her to come here. It isn't... It's not safe here.
[ The sun is bright. It's making his head hurt. He should probably consider not staring at it. ]
Suzaku, I...
[ And we're back to this. This not-knowing-what-the-fuck-would-be-appropriate-to-say-in-this-situation. Will Lelouch ever get past this point? ]
Saying that doesn't make it go away. And it obviously matters, as you told me about it. [but after that, he's letting it drop. done. he'll keep it to himself, and not think of it any more.
and then he hears his name. and waits --
-- to get an apology. immediately he wants to ask what it's for, but ... the temptation to reach out and comfort is there, but he keeps himself in check (it's not his place anymore). it's better to leave things be, and let them stay as there for the time being.]
Lelouch finally moves away from the general door area, to go put some water on to boil. They might have a couple tea leaves somewhere. He'd drink hot water with nothing in it at this point. He needs something to do with his hands. ]
Do you remember, [ he says as he rummages through things in the kitchen area ] when we were kids, remember when we lost Nunnally that one time? And it turned out she'd slipped and fallen into your secret hideout?
[when lelouch moved, suzaku stayed still until he was able to mentally confirm that he could go after him. which he did, falling in step as if he were a knight again, only stopping so he can stand against the wall as lelouch preoccupies himself.
the question has him thinking back and smiling.] Yes -- I do. [he's amused for a moment, but soon the smile and any amusement is gone, letting the moment pass and leave him. he can't let himself linger.]
[but was the world really that simple? in the eyes of a child ... it was.
he says nothing, looking away from lelouch and elsewhere. if the world stayed "simple", then lelouch would have never found out that his mother and father truly never cared for him, and those parents of his would actually care about him --
-- god. he'll never tell him. he won't, refuses to do so. lelouch can't take anymore than he already has. finding out that would probably ... create weakness (more weakness, over and over again).
suzaku is tense, but he keeps his gaze averted to, yes, the floor.]
[it takes him no longer than six seconds to formulate a response:] Nothing that would be relevant to the conversation. [which is a twisted around way to confess that, yes, there is something he isn't telling lelouch.
a big something.
but he turns a sharp look to the other and shakes his head.] Don't worry about it right now.
[ Lelouch looks at him for another few seconds before going back to lighting the stove. ] Uh-huh. [ Well, fine. Suzaku isn't obligated to tell him anything. He sloshes some water into a pot. ] Do me a favor - check the cabinet right behind you and see if there's any tea in there. I think there might be something left in a tin I got at the festival.
[he realizes then that -- unless c.c. tells lelouch about that time in the world of c -- lelouch won't ever know what went on there without getting it from him. and it's strange, really, to have the information and not give it to lelouch. strange, unwanted, unneeded.
painful. turning around to go through the cabinet behind him, eyes scanning briefly for a tin his hand reaches out to grab and pull out. into which he goes to lelouch and places the tin, after opening it, in reaching-distance of lelouch's hand.] Your Majesty. [quietly, before turning away again and returning to his post former place.]
Lelouch snatches the tin - yep, maybe three leaves left in there, enough for the weakest pot of tea ever brewed - and fights the urge to just yell at Suzaku again. ]
[completely unresponsive, save him closing his eyes. oh, suzaku hears the words, lets them sink in, accepts them in some form, but it's nothing he can give a response to without telling lelouch to stop calling him "suzaku", and to call him "zero". it's a cruel thing.
a very cruel thing, but suzaku doesn't care anymore. he has to draw the line at a distance lelouch won't be able to step over in their time in kannagara (what was suzaku thinking, becoming semi-attached to lelouch again -- maybe it was instinct).
[ No? Nothing to say to that? Fine, Suzaku. Fine. Lelouch will just brew this tea. Don't want to talk? Whatever. You came over, Suzaku. You started this. It's not Lelouch's fault he had a stupid nightmare and you apparently just had to leave the tree. Whatever. Whatever.
He doesn't even know why he expects anything anymore.
He pours two mugs of really weak green tea and sets them down on the table in the middle of the kitchen. ]
[tea, tea, tea, hasn't had tea in a while, tea looks good (even if it's weak, it's still tea), so he sets forward to the table -- and lelouch in the process. wondering when he should break it to him, if he should break it to him --]
Charles -- [he starts, knowing it's a touchy subject but continuing on.] he thought he could use the Gods. [stopping at that, to watch lelouch, and see what he'll do. yes, though suzaku first priority was getting lelouch's head out of the nightmare and onto himself (lelouch's apparent enough dislike towards his presence should have been enough to drag something other than wasteful emotions like despair out), his second priority was telling him about charles.
to make at least one of those problems go away, and perhaps even let lelouch know what he had been able to do. the god emperor, the demon emperor, it didn't matter. nothing changed that the fact that lelouch geassed the gods and set time forth once more. nothing would ever change that.]
-- who did not deserve to live. he has to bite that back down his throat, seeing lelouch, knowing he's -- replying now. jumping out of the tree and already heading off before he speaks, quietly:]
Hey. Where are you, Lelouch?
[zero's mask and suit left back in the tree with his belt, as suzaku prefers the lighter clothing he has on (something back from that long lost childhood of his, perhaps the matsuri here even), and he's walking ( ... )
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It doesn't matter - it really doesn't. I don't want her to come here. It isn't... It's not safe here.
[ The sun is bright. It's making his head hurt. He should probably consider not staring at it. ]
Suzaku, I...
[ And we're back to this. This not-knowing-what-the-fuck-would-be-appropriate-to-say-in-this-situation. Will Lelouch ever get past this point? ]
I'm sorry.
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and then he hears his name. and waits --
-- to get an apology. immediately he wants to ask what it's for, but ... the temptation to reach out and comfort is there, but he keeps himself in check (it's not his place anymore). it's better to leave things be, and let them stay as there for the time being.]
It's fine. [...] I forgive you.
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Can it?
Lelouch finally moves away from the general door area, to go put some water on to boil. They might have a couple tea leaves somewhere. He'd drink hot water with nothing in it at this point. He needs something to do with his hands. ]
Do you remember, [ he says as he rummages through things in the kitchen area ] when we were kids, remember when we lost Nunnally that one time? And it turned out she'd slipped and fallen into your secret hideout?
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the question has him thinking back and smiling.] Yes -- I do. [he's amused for a moment, but soon the smile and any amusement is gone, letting the moment pass and leave him. he can't let himself linger.]
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he says nothing, looking away from lelouch and elsewhere. if the world stayed "simple", then lelouch would have never found out that his mother and father truly never cared for him, and those parents of his would actually care about him --
-- god. he'll never tell him. he won't, refuses to do so. lelouch can't take anymore than he already has. finding out that would probably ... create weakness (more weakness, over and over again).
suzaku is tense, but he keeps his gaze averted to, yes, the floor.]
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Is there... something you aren't telling me?
[ It's just the way Suzaku holds himself, stares at the floor. The way he won't meet his gaze. ]
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a big something.
but he turns a sharp look to the other and shakes his head.] Don't worry about it right now.
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painful. turning around to go through the cabinet behind him, eyes scanning briefly for a tin his hand reaches out to grab and pull out. into which he goes to lelouch and places the tin, after opening it, in reaching-distance of lelouch's hand.] Your Majesty. [quietly, before turning away again and returning to his post former place.]
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Lelouch snatches the tin - yep, maybe three leaves left in there, enough for the weakest pot of tea ever brewed - and fights the urge to just yell at Suzaku again. ]
Don't do that.
[ Well, he's not yelling, at any rate. ]
I'm not that person here.
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a very cruel thing, but suzaku doesn't care anymore. he has to draw the line at a distance lelouch won't be able to step over in their time in kannagara (what was suzaku thinking, becoming semi-attached to lelouch again -- maybe it was instinct).
no matter. not saying anything to that.]
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He doesn't even know why he expects anything anymore.
He pours two mugs of really weak green tea and sets them down on the table in the middle of the kitchen. ]
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Charles -- [he starts, knowing it's a touchy subject but continuing on.] he thought he could use the Gods. [stopping at that, to watch lelouch, and see what he'll do. yes, though suzaku first priority was getting lelouch's head out of the nightmare and onto himself (lelouch's apparent enough dislike towards his presence should have been enough to drag something other than wasteful emotions like despair out), his second priority was telling him about charles.
to make at least one of those problems go away, and perhaps even let lelouch know what he had been able to do. the god emperor, the demon emperor, it didn't matter. nothing changed that the fact that lelouch geassed the gods and set time forth once more. nothing would ever change that.]
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