[video] || [private]keptdownOctober 26 2010, 22:22:40 UTC
[it's her when he sees this. marianne vi britannia. the woman who did not care for her children, the woman that he, lelouch, and c.c. faced. the woman who stood beside her husband, beside charles, selfishly. the woman who didn't care about nunnally. that woman --
-- who did not deserve to live. he has to bite that back down his throat, seeing lelouch, knowing he's -- replying now. jumping out of the tree and already heading off before he speaks, quietly:]
Hey. Where are you, Lelouch?
[zero's mask and suit left back in the tree with his belt, as suzaku prefers the lighter clothing he has on (something back from that long lost childhood of his, perhaps the matsuri here even), and he's walking.
his mind is already set on finding lelouch. he can talk to him more when he finds him. tell him some things, and hide others maybe. and maybe suzaku should be angry at him for the order he was dealed. maybe he shouldn't be leaving the tree -- maybe he should and shouldn't be doing, thinking, a lot of things, but he doesn't care anymore. his duties (ha, is that what you're telling yourself this is?) always come first.
[audio] || [private]dramatic_capeOctober 27 2010, 00:36:04 UTC
[ Suzaku, Lelouch doesn't want to talk to you right now. He still feels sick, sick and strange. There is something wrong with the air, maybe. Or with him. ]
[video] || [private] & [action because i can :|]keptdownOctober 27 2010, 01:01:15 UTC
[badly constructed back door -- flashing an incredulous look to the hitomi. does he even ... no, he'll ask later. maybe. shaking his head then.] Alright.
[and so the feed is somewhat gone. over the rainbow and through the woods, to lelouch's house he goes, la la la -- except that doesn't pass his mind, and he does find it weird that travel's this fast, but one can only do so much when they're running. it's always like that with lelouch. rushing all of the time, rushing to help him, rushing to save him, rushing to stop him, rushing to deal him a few blows --
-- even though he knows he rushes faster than any normal person (used to it, maybe), so maybe it's record time he's making when he does get to his destination. all thanks to the hitomi, of course, maps were always fun things to follow; but even he knows not to barge into someone's house without knocking first, even if this someone in question is one (1) lelouch vi britannia.
but knocking is for strangers, and strangers he and lelouch were not, so there he goes on the hitomi again and pulling the video back up. 'sup. and, awkward.] Ah. I can come in right? [nevermind he just ran there with the intention of doing so, but.]
[ No reply to the Hitomi; instead, Lelouch just pulls the door open, with an expression best described as "are you serious?" ]
Sure.
[ Shit. He is not prepared for Suzaku in his house. Never mind that he hasn't cleaned it since this morning (he tended to clean it a lot); he is not mentally prepared for this. Lelouch runs a hand - shaking only slightly - through his hair. ]
[into which he gives an awkward little smile as an answer to that expression. he is completely serious.]
O-oh. Okay.
[so, pressing forward as usual and noticing that lelouch is, indeed, in his way and seemingly thinking way too hard about something he probably shouldn't be thinking so hard about in the first place. but again, something to let go of for the moment. and, walking around as such, stopping to wait for lelouch then.]
[ Damn, ah, just damn it. He shouldn't have let Suzaku come. Should have just ignored him. Shouldn't have bothered with his stupid affairs last night. If he wanted to go kill a deer or something for the crazy dead goddess, that was his goddamn problem. Lelouch shakes his head, moves away from the door. ]
Can I offer you something? [ He really can't; there isn't any food in the house. C.C.'s off hunting or shopping or doing neither and drinking one of the bars dry instead. ]
I don't know. [ It's a response Lelouch is sick and tired of giving. He's tired of not knowing. He'd give anything for his old certainty. His old world. He rubs at his eyes, lingering over his left.
He is silent for a while. Then, hesitantly: ] I... haven't had to use it yet. Here. [ That unspoken wall. You've taken unconscionable actions. Even more quietly: ] I'd like not to.
[ Isolation, that's the thing. Kannagara is a hell of isolation, or it at least can be. Nothing is familiar here. Everything is foreign, alien, difficult to understand. The thing is, there are no secrets here. Eventually, they'll get it all out of you. And Lelouch knows that once his Geass is made general knowledge, he's not going to be able to interact with anyone the way he could before. The power of the king will isolate you, C.C. had said, and he's learned it time and time again.
It doesn't matter if I don't. They'll find out. Eventually. [ It burns fitfully behind his eye in the aftermath of the dream. Lelouch rubs at the eyelid. ] I don't...
[ He trails off. He doesn't know what to say. He doesn't even know why he's saying this. ]
[it doesn't matter if i don't. they'll find out. eventually. i don't -- hm.] You have C.C. at your side now, and all of the people you've met here, and those you've even become friends with. They'll understand. I've met a few of them over the network.
[he falls silent a moment, debating whether or not he should tell lelouch about it ... but, he doesn't see any other way to help this situation.] Yoite -- he's trying to help make your stay here in Kannagara, for however long it lasts, a good one. [mentioning nothing about it being his own idea, and that yoite is helping suzaku do so, mentioning nothing along that border.]
He wants you to be happy. [dramatic gesture, go -- arms sweeping open, as if to motion at how happy yoite (and suzaku) want lelouch to be.]
I can't. [ He snaps this, though it's more like a fear-bite than anything. ] I can't do that. That's how -
[ But Lelouch cuts himself off. Suzaku shouldn't know this. That's how Euphemia... Because he'd dared to take off his mask. To open up. To try to share something with her. The power of the king will isolate you, he can't forget that. Or something worse could happen. Somehow. ]
Yoite - [ he grimaces ] Yoite's just looking for someone to believe in. [ He thinks he sees something in Lelouch. It's just another mask. Lelouch is hollow inside. Just a series of masks, until you break down past the last layers to find nothing in there. Reduce the equation of a human being down far enough, and you'd get zero. Pure none. ]
Don't tell me you can't, you're just refusing to do so. I've seen you do it many times before, so just do it. I'm not as stupid as you'd like to think. It will have no effect on me, and no one can see us. [frowning.] Stop hesitating.
Is that the excuse you're going to give me, Lelouch? Whether Yoite is looking for someone to believe in or not does not negate the fact that he wants you to be happy. [happy just be happy please and stop giving me that look. zero, nothing and yet everything, full of infinite possibilities.]
[ Lelouch stands there for a moment, jaw set, glaring at the sun on its way down. It's close to twilight. Then, sullenly, he reaches up and gently takes the contact out of his eye, replacing it in its case. He blinks a few times until his eye stops watering. ]
I can't be happy here, Suzaku. Not without Nunnally.
[ There it is, there it finally is, out in the open. His ultimate selfishness: he can't be happy, really happy, without Nunnally. Just knowing she's happy will never be enough. It's at the point where he'd war with the gods just to see her face one more time. Just to touch her. It aches that badly. ]
-- who did not deserve to live. he has to bite that back down his throat, seeing lelouch, knowing he's -- replying now. jumping out of the tree and already heading off before he speaks, quietly:]
Hey. Where are you, Lelouch?
[zero's mask and suit left back in the tree with his belt, as suzaku prefers the lighter clothing he has on (something back from that long lost childhood of his, perhaps the matsuri here even), and he's walking.
his mind is already set on finding lelouch. he can talk to him more when he finds him. tell him some things, and hide others maybe. and maybe suzaku should be angry at him for the order he was dealed. maybe he shouldn't be leaving the tree -- maybe he should and shouldn't be doing, thinking, a lot of things, but he doesn't care anymore. his duties (ha, is that what you're telling yourself this is?) always come first.
always.]
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Where else would I be?
[ His voice is hoarse from coughing. ]
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Where are you exactly? [pressing for an answer, before he tries to find him blindly. lord knows he'll look all week.]
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Kusasato. Third house to the north. The one with the badly-constructed back door. [ At least they fixed the unicorn hole before it got really cold. ]
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[and so the feed is somewhat gone. over the rainbow and through the woods, to lelouch's house he goes, la la la -- except that doesn't pass his mind, and he does find it weird that travel's this fast, but one can only do so much when they're running. it's always like that with lelouch. rushing all of the time, rushing to help him, rushing to save him, rushing to stop him, rushing to deal him a few blows --
-- even though he knows he rushes faster than any normal person (used to it, maybe), so maybe it's record time he's making when he does get to his destination. all thanks to the hitomi, of course, maps were always fun things to follow; but even he knows not to barge into someone's house without knocking first, even if this someone in question is one (1) lelouch vi britannia.
but knocking is for strangers, and strangers he and lelouch were not, so there he goes on the hitomi again and pulling the video back up. 'sup. and, awkward.] Ah. I can come in right? [nevermind he just ran there with the intention of doing so, but.]
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Sure.
[ Shit. He is not prepared for Suzaku in his house. Never mind that he hasn't cleaned it since this morning (he tended to clean it a lot); he is not mentally prepared for this. Lelouch runs a hand - shaking only slightly - through his hair. ]
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O-oh. Okay.
[so, pressing forward as usual and noticing that lelouch is, indeed, in his way and seemingly thinking way too hard about something he probably shouldn't be thinking so hard about in the first place. but again, something to let go of for the moment. and, walking around as such, stopping to wait for lelouch then.]
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Can I offer you something? [ He really can't; there isn't any food in the house. C.C.'s off hunting or shopping or doing neither and drinking one of the bars dry instead. ]
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But are you going to be? [okay, is what he means, but he figures that's going to be obvious.]
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He is silent for a while. Then, hesitantly: ] I... haven't had to use it yet. Here. [ That unspoken wall. You've taken unconscionable actions. Even more quietly: ] I'd like not to.
[ Isolation, that's the thing. Kannagara is a hell of isolation, or it at least can be. Nothing is familiar here. Everything is foreign, alien, difficult to understand. The thing is, there are no secrets here. Eventually, they'll get it all out of you. And Lelouch knows that once his Geass is made general knowledge, he's not going to be able to interact with anyone the way he could before. The power of the king will isolate you, C.C. had said, and he's learned it time and time again.
He's sick of being lonely. ]
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[ He trails off. He doesn't know what to say. He doesn't even know why he's saying this. ]
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[it doesn't matter if i don't. they'll find out. eventually. i don't -- hm.] You have C.C. at your side now, and all of the people you've met here, and those you've even become friends with. They'll understand. I've met a few of them over the network.
[he falls silent a moment, debating whether or not he should tell lelouch about it ... but, he doesn't see any other way to help this situation.] Yoite -- he's trying to help make your stay here in Kannagara, for however long it lasts, a good one. [mentioning nothing about it being his own idea, and that yoite is helping suzaku do so, mentioning nothing along that border.]
He wants you to be happy. [dramatic gesture, go -- arms sweeping open, as if to motion at how happy yoite (and suzaku) want lelouch to be.]
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[ But Lelouch cuts himself off. Suzaku shouldn't know this. That's how Euphemia... Because he'd dared to take off his mask. To open up. To try to share something with her. The power of the king will isolate you, he can't forget that. Or something worse could happen. Somehow. ]
Yoite - [ he grimaces ] Yoite's just looking for someone to believe in. [ He thinks he sees something in Lelouch. It's just another mask. Lelouch is hollow inside. Just a series of masks, until you break down past the last layers to find nothing in there. Reduce the equation of a human being down far enough, and you'd get zero. Pure none. ]
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Is that the excuse you're going to give me, Lelouch? Whether Yoite is looking for someone to believe in or not does not negate the fact that he wants you to be happy. [happy just be happy please and stop giving me that look. zero, nothing and yet everything, full of infinite possibilities.]
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I can't be happy here, Suzaku. Not without Nunnally.
[ There it is, there it finally is, out in the open. His ultimate selfishness: he can't be happy, really happy, without Nunnally. Just knowing she's happy will never be enough. It's at the point where he'd war with the gods just to see her face one more time. Just to touch her. It aches that badly. ]
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