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Title: Harry Potter and the Dagger of Ravenclaw, Chapter 2: Awkward
Author: kanedax
Fandom: Harry Potterverse
Spoilers: HBP; Harry Potter and the Seven Soldiers
Rating: R for language and sexual situations
Summary: Harry, Ron, and Hermione are the textbook definition of “Uncomfortable Silence”
Notes: Chapter two of up to ten. As usual, you might want to read my previous work, Harry Potter and the Seven Soldiers, before delving into this work. There are some details of this story that are discussed more thoroughly in the long work. As usual, Harry, Ron, and Hermione ain’t mine. Rowling owns them, and they’ve made her richer than Steve Buscemi.
Previous Chapter (Limassol) / Next Chapter (Cairo)
Harry sat quietly, staring into the smokeless blue flame that he had created after he returned to the campsite. He had been sitting quietly on the log in front of the makeshift fire pit, his face still reading of shock, while Ron and Hermione had pulled their clothes back together in the trees behind him.
Now, as he sat absently poking the fire with a stick, adjusting coals that he fully well knew weren’t there, Hermione and Ron sat across from him, awkwardly chewing on some scones they had pulled from the Sorting Hat. Ron’s shirt was buttoned wrong, and Hermione’s short hair stuck up strangely from where she had slept on it the night before.
Hermione glanced nervously at Ron, then turned back to Harry. “Harry, I…”
Harry threw his finger in the air, silencing her with a word that came out something like “Dzizizfu.” He continued to stare into the fire.
“Harry…”
“Djijip.”
“I think we broke him,” Ron whispered to Hermione.
The three sat in silence. Behind Harry’s eyes, a whirlwind was raging.
That was different.
Shut up, Brain.
Bet you didn’t expect to see that this morning.
Shut up, Brain.
Well, at least now you finally know what Hermione looks like naked.
Brain, I’m warning you…
And Ron.
Brain…
I wonder if Ginny looks like that.
…You think?
Smaller chest than Hermione. Paler skin. Probably frecklier. Pinker nipples.
…
She’s a redhead, you know. Like Ron.
Oh, shut up.
Color’s probably the same. Down below.
Please don’t make me think about Ron’s pubic hair. I’m begging you.
The curtains match the carpet, you know?
Seriously. No more talky. I’ll give you candy.
“I hate awkward silences,” Gavin the Sorting Hat said from the ground nearby.
“Gijifoifvipipip.”
“Oh, come off it!” the Hat yelled. “So they were shagging! Big deal!”
“We weren’t shagging!” Ron yelled at the Hat. He looked at Hermione, who was trying hard not to smile behind her scone, and his ears turned red. “Okay, we were shagging, but not when you found us.”
“Not really any information I want to process right now, thanks, Ron,” Harry cracked.
“What’s the big deal, Potter?” asked Gavin. “It’s not like this is the first time you’ve seen a naked woman before.”
Harry’s face turned even more crimson.
“Oh,” the Hat said quietly.
“Really?” Hermione said, her face turning almost purple from her embarrassment. “Never?”
“Wait,” Ron said, sitting forward. “You were on the Quidditch team for six years. You shared a locker room with Angelina Johnson, Alicia Spinnett, and Katie Bell, and you never even got a peek?”
“Look, could we not talk about this?” Harry said.
“Christ, mate, you were on the same team as Demelza Robins, and she’d flash anyone who gave her a Knut.”
“What about Ginny?” Hermione asked.
“Please don’t ask me about her,” Harry said quietly, rubbing his face with his hands.
“Right,” said Ron forcefully, “Please don’t ask him about his sexual history with my sister. Ever.”
“Harry,” Hermione said, standing up and walking across to join him on the log. “I’m sorry that you had to find us like that. We tried to slip away so you didn’t have to, you know, hear anything. We were going to come back, but I guess we just kinda… wore ourselves out?”
“We didn’t mean to get you worried, Harry, I swear,” said Ron quietly. “But, we’re going to Cairo tomorrow. We thought who knows what was going to happen? And we’ve barely had any time alone, what with all the time at the Burrow and at Hogwarts and, you know… One thing lead to another and…”
“I know,” said Harry. “I understand. It was just, I don’t know, a shock to the system.”
“Because of Weasley’s sister,” Gavin said from the ground.
“Once again the Hat loves the brutal honesty,” Ron groaned. “Could we get off of my sister for just a minute?”
“Gavin’s right,” Harry said.
“Who’s Gavin?”
“Christ,” sighed the Hat. “I’ve been hanging six inches from his wedding tackle for the past week, and the kid doesn’t even know my name.”
“I just miss her,” said Harry, rolling the stick between his fingers. “Seeing you two, having each other nearby… Just kinda hit me, you know?”
“Oh, Harry,” Hermione said sadly, putting her arm around him.
“You know it’s for the best, Harry,” Ron said. “She’s safe at Hogwarts.”
“And she hates me because of it.”
“She doesn’t hate you,” Hermione said firmly. “When I talked to her at Hogwarts, she made sure that I tell you that. There’s disappointment. She wants to be with you, too. But she doesn’t hate you.”
Harry sighed, and chuckled. “What I wouldn’t give for a simple life.”
“Still could happen,” said Hermione. “Don’t give up hope, okay?”
Harry nodded. “Thanks.”
“Besides, life can’t be that bad,” said Hermione with a half smile. “After all, you did get to see me naked.”
Harry laughed. “Well, there was that.”
“Not something that rolls around every day,” Hermione laughed.
“But I did have to see Ron, too,” said Harry. “And, I’ll be honest, it didn’t take me long to start comparing you to what I thought Ginny would look like.”
“You shouldn’t think of my girlfriend naked,” said Ron. “Or my sister, for that matter.”
Hermione shrugged. “I’ve seen her in the Gryffindor showers a few times. She looks good. She works out more than me, and it shows.”
“You know,” Harry said carefully, “I haven’t decided if I’m ready for you to tell me this or not.”
“You’re not ready!” Ron yelled.
“Okay, even though I know I’m going to regret this later,” Harry said, eyeing Ron jokingly, “I think I’m a little ready.”
“No you’re not!”
“She’s more of an A-cup compared to my B,” Hermione said, watching with amusement as Ron screamed and covered his ears. “She’s got smaller nipples, too, but they’re perkier.”
“Lalalalalala!” Ron sang, squeezing his hands tightly to his ears.
“And she’s got a landing strip.”
“I’M NOT LISTENING!”
Harry laughed out loud. “You know Ginny would kill you if she found out you were telling me this, right?”
“No she wouldn’t,” Hermione joked. “She told me she would have given you any of this information if you had asked. And if you two were still together when the summer started she would have shown you herself. Besides, she already knows more about you than you think.”
“What?”
Hermione laughed as Harry’s face turned pale. “She tried to bribe Moaning Myrtle for details after your night in the prefect’s bathroom.”
“Bribed her?” Harry asked, his face turning crimson again. “With what?”
“Nothing, actually,” said Hermione. “Myrtle was more than happy to tell Ginny about her time in the tub with you. Myrtle was actually quite taken with you. She didn’t even need anything from Ginny, she was just happy to be the center of attention.”
“ARE WE DONE WITH THIS CONVERSATION?” Ron screamed from the other side of the clearing.
“Wait,” said Harry. “You weren’t privy to any of this information, were you?”
“No, I wasn’t,” said Hermione. “Don’t worry. I know nothing about what’s down below.”
“Good,” Harry sighed.
“Although,” Hermione continued, her eyes never leaving Ron, “You’ve seen me. All’s fair now, isn’t it?”
“YOU’RE NOT SEEING MY BEST FRIEND NAKED!!!!” Ron hollered.
Hermione smiled and winked at Harry. “I knew he could hear us.”
“Are you two done?” Ron whimpered, walking back over to them, “or will I have to scour my brain with sandpaper?”
Hermione stood up and kissed Ron on the cheek. “Sorry, Ron, we’re done.”
“Harry, seriously,” Ron said to Harry. “I’m sorry about this. We’ll be good, okay? No more PDA.”
“No, it’s alright,” Harry relented. “I mean, I definitely don’t want to see… that… again. But you two are together. Like Professor McGonagall said, Dumbledore would be happier to know there was a little more love in the world. Love’s good to have, especially out here. I don’t want to be the one to foul that up for you two.”
“Are you sure, Harry?” Hermione asked softly.
“Well, if we could come up with some sort of magical, outdoor version of hanging a sock on the doorknob, I wouldn’t complain,” admitted Harry. “But otherwise, yeah.”
Hermione grinned, her face once again turning pink. “I’ll see what I can come up with.”
“We’re good?” Ron asked, holding out his hand. Harry took it in his own and shook it.
“We’re good.”
“Good,” Hermione said, wrapping Harry in a big hug. “I love you, too, you know that?”
“Yeah,” Harry sighed, his mind once again trailing back to the redheaded girl who was probably getting ready for Herbology right now. “I know.”
“And, just so we’re clear, we’re not going to talk about my sister in any state of nudity ever again, right?” Ron said loudly. “If you even mention her in a bikini I’m slapping that smirk right off your face.”
“If you all are done with your little love fest,” the Sorting Hat said from behind them, “Don’t we have somewhere to be?”
“Yeah,” Harry said, standing up. “We should probably get a move on. Daylight’s burning, and I want to be in and out of Cairo as quick as we can.”
“Did you eat, Harry?” Hermione asked as she pointed her wand at the blue flame, which instantly disappeared.
Harry picked up his Covert Cowl and shook his head. “I’ll eat something on the flight. Think you could spare an apple, Gavin?”
“Hey, it’s your food, not mine,” the Hat said as Ron strapped him to his belt, throwing his Cowl over his shoulders. The three walked over to the pile of broomsticks next to the fire pit and strapped the broom quivers over their shoulders before removing the brooms from them.
“If anybody needs to pee,” said Harry, “Now’s the time to do it. This flight’s going to be the hardest one yet. Harder than the Channel. We’re looking at eight or nine hours of nothing but water beneath us. We can’t land until we hit Egyptian coast, so if we need to break, if we need to relieve ourselves, we’ll be doing it side-saddle.”
“Cowl’s up?” Ron asked.
“Nah,” Harry said as Ron tossed him an apple. “Invisibility Cloaks for now. We won’t have to worry about protecting our identities till we hit the mainland.”
“Thank God,” Hermione groaned as she adjusted the huge Hogwarts compendium on her back. “This book’s going to be enough of a bear. Strapping my boobs up for ten hours on top of that didn’t sound like a good time.”
“The Mediterranean’s busy,” continued Harry as he took a bite from the apple, “but if we stay high enough, we should be safe enough leaving our heads uncovered. That way we won’t sweat to death, and we’ll be able to see each other at all times.”
“Give me one of those apples, would you, Ron?” Hermione asked. Ron smiled, nodded, and pulled another apple from the Hat.
“Everybody ready?” Harry asked. “Hermione, give us some direction?”
Hermione pulled the wand from her cloak and, holding the broomstick in place with her legs, held it in her hand. She cast a non-verbal spell, and the wand floated in the air, spinning until it pointed toward the water.
“That’s the way,” she said, making sure she was aiming herself in that direction before she put the wand back in her pocket. She took a bite of the apple. “But we should probably stop every few hours to make sure we’re still on track.”
“Right,” Harry said, pulling his Invisibility Cloak from the pocket of his robes and pulling it around him, leaving only his head floating in thin air. The other two did the same.
“Last chance.”
“Can we just go already?” Ron said. “Before I lose my nerve?”
Harry laughed, and turned back toward the water, where Cairo and the Horcrux awaited.
“And we’re off,” he said, and the three Gryffindor heads floated over the sea and were soon gone over the horizon.
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