KameDa Entry - Exposed !
Title : Exposed !
Author: jolly_roger_77
Rating : -13, maybe -15 but not above.
Warnings : Surely none.
Song : Expose
Summary : Tatsuya could not help worrying about his life and work. Fortunately for him, Kazuya knew him well and understood that.
--
Around eleven pm that night, Kazuya stopped his car before the building where Tatsuya lived. The night was cold and his car's windows were covered by mist. He coughed a little, cut the engine and the air conditioner. He took his cellular phone and pushed a button, making it send some gloomy light on his face. His face was expressionless as he checked the date and time.
It was the 3rd of October. Five to eleven.
Kazuya slipped his phone back in his jacket's pocket and went out of the car. He heightened his jacket's collar as to hide his mouth behind and dug his hands into his pockets. His steps slow, he walked to the door of the building and there, he composed a code known by heart. He crossed a few corridors, took an elevator and soon found himself before Tatsuya's apartment's door. He laid his finger on the bell, took a breath and pushed it to make it ring.
A handful of seconds later, the door opened on his bandmate. Tatsuya was wearing his glasses, some grey and loose sweatpants with a wide white tee-shirt. There were dark circles under his eyes and the folded handkerchief he had in his hands told Kazuya that it was not only Tatsuya was lacking of sleep.
Kazuya's voice was hoarse and tired when he said as a greeting :
"Come with me."
"What ?"
Tatsuya's voice was a somewhat cracked and clearly sounded exhausted. Kazuya repeated what he has just said and added :
"Take some clothes and your toothbrush with you."
"But... I wanna go to sleep..."
"Then take a cup of coffee too."
Hearing Kazuya's self-confident tone and words almost made Tatsuya close his door and walk away. However, there was something in Kazuya's eyes that prevented him from doing so and he ended up telling his colleague to wait a little here, that he would be back within a few minutes. He disappeared from the doorframe and came back as promised approximately five minutes later with the bag he usually used when he went to the gym and a hot thermos packed in his arms.
"I'm here." he simply said, stating the evident.
"I can see it. Now, come."
Tatsuya silently nodded, took his cellular phone and keys from his pocket, which earned him to be told :
"Wait, let your phone here."
"What, why ?"
"Because I know you and I'm sure you'll be stuck on this thing instead of being with me."
Tatsuya could not find anything clever he could say as a reply so he gave in and went back into his apartment to let his mobile there. He came back by Kazuya's side, locked the door behind him and followed the younger man to his car. Obeying to the man's words, he got in the car and sat on the passenger's seat. Kazuya took his jacket off, tossed and threw it onto the back seats then settled before the steering wheel. Tatsuya made his bag slip on the floor and kept his thermos in his hands, as to keep them warm.
"Where are we going ?" he asked his colleague as the latter was starting the engine.
"Somewhere."
Knowing that this reply was surely the best he could have from his colleague for now, Tatsuya gave in again. Giving in recently became one of the things he had to make more and more often, so he just could not mind about such a little thing anymore.
Tonight, traveling in the dark - Right now
This labyrinth of streets and traffic lights is endless
Tatsuya leaned his head against the window and looked at the outside, trying to guess where they were. His head kept on pounding against the glass because of the car's speed, but he just could not bring himself to care. His eyes were firmly stuck onto the lights he could see. Streetlights, lights coming from buildings, car and the few coming from the stars. For the first time since he has moved here, he felt like Tokyo's atmosphere was suffocating. He felt like he was trapped in something too big and difficult for him to understand. It was a little terrifying to be honest.
Kazuya asked him if he wanted him to turn the radio on but Tatsuya did not pay him any attention, barely hearing his voice as he was deeply lost in his thought and the faint scene he had before his eyes. His heart was squeezed in his chest and he could barely breathe as his lungs were taking too much place in his chest. Soon, his sight became blurry as too often those days and a sob painfully crossed his throat.
Kazuya heard it, of course, and he briefly glared at him. He put his hand down onto Tatsuya's thigh, in the best sign of encouragement he could have done. Tatsuya immediately wipes his eyes with the back of his hand and whispered a soft word :
"Koki..."
Kazuya, his eyes glued onto the dark road ahead them, caressed his thigh. This was a simple touch but brought an immense wave of heat to Tatsuya's body. It was like if Kazuya's hand was hotter than his thermos of coffee.
Kazuya did not say anything but removed his hand from Tatsuya's sweatpants to fumble in a little box that was put down between them. Still wordlessly, he held him a tissue out. Tatsuya quickly caught it, had a nod towards Kazuya and blew his nose as discretely as possible. The used handkerchief soon disappeared in a pocket and Tatsuya began looking by the window again.
I just need a thrill tonight - I need a thrill
You cannot savor this feeling of victory if the situation is not pushed to its limits
"Where are we going ?" Tatsuya asked again five minutes later when lights coming from the outside became more and more scattered and rare.
"Somewhere."
"But where is that somewhere ?"
"Far away."
"How far ?"
Tatsuya turned his head and stared at Kazuya. The latter was still concentrated on the road, but had a quick glance and a smile for him.
"Don't worry." Kazuya said "It isn't that far. I will take you back to your flat soon, safe and sound."
"You told me to take clean clothes and my toothbrush. Why ?"
"Because I'll keep you for me a little."
Kazuya's words sounded strangely empty to Tatsuya's ears, but it was surely because he had been recently deceived by many words over the last few days and did not know if he could trust them anymore. He absentmindedly pocked the car window and sighed a little. As if he was replying to a silent question, Kazuya said :
"I thought that you didn't want to be alone tonight, that's why I came."
"But... I didn't..."
"I know you, Ueda. I can bet you were sulking on your own, pacing back and forth in your living-room and wondering why you let your dogs at your parents' home. You didn't want to be left alone tonight, I know you well."
The silent that followed almost sounded like a confession. Kazuya finally turned the radio on and sped up.
"I think you need to be kept busy tonight. And I wanted to do something for you."
"Why ?"
"Isn't that evident ? Because I like you."
This hot passion bounces in my heart and my brows furrow under impatience
Do not mess around so much - Don't look back anymore
Tatsuya had a strangled chuckle. Kazuya sped up again. Although Tatsuya knew that what they were doing was not that careful, that driving almost crazily in the middle of the night, going to a place he did not have a clue about was not something idols - or normal people - were meant to do, he was feeling at ease. In fact, he was almost feeling good. The hot thermos trapped between his hands kept him warm the old rock sound that came from the radio kept him awake and Kazuya's presence by his side made him feel relieved and protected.
Tatsuya felt good when he was with the younger man. That was a little fact that gradually built as years passed by. From colleagues who hated each other they became an unusual mix between siblings, friends and boyfriends. Kazuya cared for him like a mother, he made him laugh like a bestfriend, he wiped his tears like a confidant. There was something strong between them, something they could not really explain themselves. It was a bit strange to feel that way, for sure, but they did not mind at all.
Tatsuya smiled a little at the younger man.
"Sometimes, I wonder if you aren't the person who cares the most for me."
"To be honest, I sometimes wonder the same." Kazuya replied, his voice soft and tender "If I am not the person who cares the most for you, I mean."
"It could be possible. I can't be sure, but it doesn't sound that exaggerated."
Kazuya did not say anything and took a turn. Tatsuya trusted Kazuya's driving, he really did, yet he could not help wondering if the latter knew what he was doing. Controling his voice so he would not sound panicked or insecure, Tatsuya asked once again :
"Seriously... Where are we going ? It's almost midnight and we're here, lost in the middle of a road... We're outside Tokyo now, am I right ?"
"Yeah, you're right. But don't worry, I know where we are. Well... Kinda."
Tatsuya sighed. He hoped Kazuya really knew where they were or else...
"Don't worry !" Kazuya repeated "We won't drive all night long. We'll soon stop and spend the night somewhere."
"Somewhere... Somewhere, but where ?"
Kazuya remained silent for four, five long seconds before he eventually replied :
"A hotel or something. Don't worry, I know a place approximately... Twenty minutes from here or so."
"And after ?"
"We'll left the hotel on the morning and get in the car again. Then I'll bring you to a peaceful place where we could rest."
"But where exactly ?"
"Ueda... Can't you just stay quiet and wait a little ?" Kazuya snapped, frowning "You'll see when we'll be there !"
Tatsuya immediately fell silent, surprised and almost shocked by his colleague's tone. Kazuya's eyes widened as he realized that he had maybe been a bit rude and he gave Tatsuya an apologetic glare.
"H-Hmm... Sorry, I didn't mean to be that..."
Tatsuya shook his head from right to left and said that it was nothing, that it did not matter.
It is just "make or break" - Follow your instincts
This is a unique chance
"I promise you that you'll like it, so... Just enjoy, okay ? Forget everything for tonight and just stay with me."
Tatsuya did not even think that work and stress had driven his colleague crazy and simply nodded once. Staying by Kazuya's side surely was not that bad or terrifying, way on the contrary. He was ready to stay with him as long as needed - as long as could. He felt good when they were that close, together in the same car. They was not even touching each other, their clothes was not even in contact, yet Tatsuya felt as protected as if Kazuya was holding him in his arms and promising him eternity. It felt great, reassuring.
Another song, slower than the one before, played on the radio. It was one of those songs Tatsuya has heard billion times before, but he could not even put a title on it. He closed his eyes a little, paradoxically trying to chase his tiredness away to keep company to Kazuya. Piano notes were now flying in the restrained space, floated between them and squeezed Tatsuya's chest a little. He liked the song that was playing as a background music. He could not put a name on the composer or the singer either, but knew it was one of those songs he used to listen on repeat when he was younger.
As if they were thinking the very same thing, he began humming the melody right when Kazuya began whistling it. Tatsuya opened an eye, they exchanged an amused look and smiled at each other.
Tatsuya opened his thermos and carefully took a long sip of coffee. It burnt his tongue a little but it did not felt that painful, surely because his mind was stuck on the way Kazuya was holding the steering wheel between his hands.
Kazuya wa a beautiful man and it has been a while now since Tatsuya admitted it for the first time. Although they both were too skinny and felt unsure in their own bodies when they were teenagers, they were now well-formed adults. Like in the Ugly Duckling tale, they both grew up, became more confident and accepted themselves as they were. They also became gradually closer. Kazuya forgave Tatsuya for making that thing about fairies up while Tatsuya forgave the latter for being a disrespectful kouhai.
"We're close to the hotel now." Kazuya whispered, like if he was talking to himself "We can expect to be there within five minutes or so..."
Tatsuya nodded once and drank some more coffee, surely to fight against his slight exhaustion that was coming back. As told, Kazuya soon stopped the car on a little parking lot. They were not so many street lights around them but Tatsuya could guess that they were in the middle of nowhere, literally lost halfway on a highway. Kazuya took his safety belt off while Tatsuya was wiping the mist which had formed on the window so he could have a better look at their surroundings.
He blinked as he saw the hotel his colleague told him about. Thanks to the few lights that were put here and there, he could more or less guess what the building looked like. It seemed little, shady and was totally different from those beautiful, luxurious hotels they used to stop at when they were far from Tokyo for their works.
Tatsuya's mouth opened in surprise when his eyes caught a colourful signboard that was circled and lightened by neons. The truth became visible when he murmured, reading the said-sign out loud :
"A love-hotel...?"
As to ask Kazuya some questions on the matter, he turned around to face him. However, he could not say anything as the latter caught him by his shirt and crushed their lips together.
Moving to the top, cutting through this winding road
Unbridled, I'm wild & tough - This is a winning run of a record high
It startled Tatsuya, for sure. Yet, it was not the first time they both shared a kiss and he knew from experience that his colleague's kisses were good enough to make him lose his mind. So, as soon as he had understood what was going on, Tatsuya relaxed his body, closed his eyes and allowed himself to be kissed. Kazuya's tongue felt fierce and rough against his own, the kiss was audacious and had a slight aftertaste of tobacco. Although Tatsuya was firmly keeping his eyes closed, he knew that the other man was staring at his face, surely trying to guess what he was thinking. After all - and that was another thing Tatsuya knew from experience - Kazuya was a control-freak. One of the caring, not too exaggerated kind, yet... He liked to plan everything beforehand, to know exactly what was going on in people's mind and to have a hold on the happenings.
That is the reason why Kazuya is the one who broke the kiss, tearing his mouth apart right when Tatsuya was about to wind his hands around his neck and to pull him even closer. As if nothing had happened, Kazuya then bent and took some of his belongings that were on the backseats. Tatsuya just looked at him, wondering what would come next.
"Yeah, a love-hotel." Kazuya said with a low and hoarse tone "It's cheaper and isn't worse that a more normal one."
"But..."
Tatsuya let his voice trail a little, somewhat fearing to tell what he was thinking out loud. Still, Kazuya knew him well and added, replying to the question that could not come :
"Relax, we won't have sex tonight. Unless you want it, of course."
Kazuya sat back on his seat and checked the contents of the bag he has just taken as well as his jacket's pockets. He nodded to himself and glared at Tatsuya, surely waiting for him to say something. Blushing a little in spite of his own will, Tatsuya muttered :
"Well, no... Of course I don't want... That would be weird..."
Kazuya opened the door and got out of the car, chuckling a little. Tatsuya immediately caught his own bag, followed him outside and closed his own door behind him. His colleague locked his car and they both began walking to the motel's front door. The night was cold and there even was white smoke coming from their nose but they both did not complain about it.
"It wouldn't be weird." Kazuya suddenly said "Plus, it isn't like we never did it or something..."
Tatsuya was somewhat glad his colleague could not perfectly see his face in the dark as he blushes again. He mumbled something and nodded once. Kazuya chuckled again and they both entered the hall. A few words were exchanged between Kazuya and the receptionist, a key was given and the two idols soon went to their room for the night.
This time, Tatsuya was not even surprised when the younger man laid his lips on his own again, as soon as the room door had been closed behind them.
Wake up, feeling -Wake up, feeling
If we are going to dance with so much passion, then what about making it dirtier ?
Tatsuya simply smiled in the kiss and this time, he reacted soon enough to let both his bag and the thermos fall on the fall so he could wrap his arms around Kazuya's waist. Exactly as the time before, they shared a long breath and tenderly drowned themselves in the other. Tatsuya could not lie to himself : it felt good to be kissed that way.
Still, a teasing smirk on his lips, he pushed the younger man away, bent so he could take his bag and coffee back then walked to the bed. He threw his few belongings onto the mattress and turned around, only to see that Kazuya was looking back at him, his lips glowing a little as they were covered by his own saliva.
"I thought you didn't want to have sex tonight..." Tatsuya said, his voice feigning disinterest.
"Kissing and fucking are two different things."
"Yeah, whatever. I think I'll just take a shower and go to bed. We still have some road to do tomorrow, is that right ?"
"Hmm." Kazuya nodded and mechanically checked his mobile "I'll wake you up around eight or nine."
Tatsuya grimaced and whispered something that sounded like "shit". Kazuya sat on the bed, his own bag put down on his knees and said that such an ugly word did not suit his mouth. The other man just ignored him and walked to the bathroom, letting the bag and his coffee behind him. While his colleague was showering, Kazuya caught the coffee and drank some.
He was exhausted, for sure. His week had been horrible and he knew that the days before him - before them - were not going to be any better. Their boss told them about Koki's departure only two days before and even if they could talk altogether on the matter, reuniting the five members of KAT-TUN in a private setting one last time, it still felt a bit unreal. He knew that Tatsuya was thinking the same - that he was feeling the same. They were missing the same person and Kazuya simply wanted to make something for Tatsuya, something that could help him healing his pain. Their pain.
Because he liked him. A lot.
They have been many things to one another since their very first encounter. They have been enemies, they have been co-workers, colleagues, friends, brothers and even lovers. Not really boyfriends, more... Lovers. They just happened to kiss several times on their private life. They sometimes held hands, cuddled, had sex but never really spoke a word about this. Nobody never knew about this and they never really talked about this. They both did not want to commit, thinking that it would be too troublesome, but sharing those kind of things seemed natural for them. They did not have sex like sex-buddies do, no. Their acts were pushed by a strong and sincere affection. An affection so deep that it did not even change their friendship.
Sex did not happen that often between them, only five or six times. And it was always slow, tender, loving and wanted. It felt good. They were not exclusive, they were not a couple. It was just a form of affection, an instinct, their way to tell each other that they could not fully live if separated from one another.
When Tatsuya went out of the bathroom a few minutes later, he was wearing only his underwear. As to reply to the little frown Kazuya made, he said that he did not want to sleep in the clothes he was wearing just before. Kazuya did not object but knew that Tatsuya actually did not mind sleeping in the clothes he had just removed, but that he wanted to feel Kazuya's body all against his own as he would fall asleep in his arms. He was only yearning for human touch and warmth.
As Tatsuya was arranging his bag and coffee somewhere else in the room, Kazuya took his own clothes off, tossed them aside and sat on the bed. The older man soon rejoined him there, slipped his body between his arms and kissed him.
Wake up, feeling Awake ! Moving at that speed
Your honest heart drives me crazy every time
Honnestly, if they were not both tired and if they were not meant to wake up early on the next morning, then Kazuya would surely have asked Tatsuya if they could not make love, right here and now. Still, he just could not bring himself to do anything else than to kiss him once, then twice and to smile.
Tatsuya's body was heavy on his own, but he did not mind. Another smile bloomed on his lips when his eyes fell on his luxurious wristwatch.
"Oh. Happy birthday, Ueda."
First a bit surprised, Tatsuya then looked at the watch to see that it was approximately midnight and half on the 4 of October. He caught Kazuya's lips under his own once more and thanked him, his voice hoarse and slow. His thirties just pleasantly began. It could have been better, yes, but it was not that bad either, especially since he was tenderly settled in Kazuya's arms.
He kissed him one last time, reluctantly leaving his mouth, and laid under the cover. Immediately after, Kazuya did the same and circled an arm around his body. Their breaths were perfectly synchronised, their heart were beating at the same rhythm and they were both feeling perfectly relaxed. It was like if all the stress they have felt the days before suddenly washed away. And it felt good, for sure.
Feelings tear my excited heart apart
Don't be afraid and walk further
Get some dangerous on tonight
Tatsuya does not remember how they ended up kissing hungrily again on the morning after, yet it did happen. This time, they were both wearing usual clothes and they have just finished eating the few edible things Kazuya had in his bag along with the rest of coffee Tatsuya still had in his thermos. Every kiss was hot, short but still powerful. Good.
"We... We should go, don't you think so ?" Tatsuya suddenly said between two kisses "You told me that this place you wanna take me to isn't that close, so..."
Kazuya groaned a little and forced his tongue down Tatsuya's throat. For sure, they needed to go, but... He did not want to let him go, he did not want Tatsuya to leave his arms. His partner was right, but still...
He wanted to make love to him. He wanted to show him the depths of his affection.
Tatsuya seemed to understand what Kazuya was thinking about. He had a gentle smile, pressed a gentle kiss against his thin lips and promised :
"Once we'll be at that place you wanna show me. Or else, once we'll be back in Tokyo."
Kazuya pouted. If Tatsuya did not want to do it now, then fine. He would wait for him. He stood up, took all his things and they soon could leave the hotel room.
They settled on their respective seat in Kazuya's car and the latter started the engine and began driving. Tatsuya mechanically fumbled with the radio's commands until he has been able to find how to turn it on then comfortably leant back against the backrest. Kazuya's hand found his way to his inner thigh and Tatsuya immediately laid his finger onto the back of that hand, as to keep it even closer. The road they were driving through kept on going farther the horizon and there were not so many cars around them. Once again, Tatsuya could not help wondering where his colleague was taking him.
"Don't worry," Kazuya said, taking his hand out from Tatsuya's clothes at the same time "You'll like it. That place where we're going to, I mean. It's the best idea I had to help you relax..."
The other man just nodded once, without even trying to pretend and to tell that he did not need it. He felt glad he had somebody like Kazuya by his side, really. And - although he did not have a single clue about the said-place - he knew it was surely the best place of the world.
Is there a brand new world at the end of this road ? brand new world
Even if I don't know how many there are
"For how long do we still have to drive before getting there ?"
"Not so long actually, don't worry. We could have done this in one go, without stopping for the night, but I was way too tired to keep on driving."
Tatsuya nodded, thoughtful. He really wondered what was that place his colleague wanted to show him. It should be a beautiful, wonderful place. He was becoming more and more impatient about this place. This time, the radio was playing some old pop song which annoyed Tatsuya a little. Like if Kazuya was thinking the exact same thing, they reached for the radio's button at the very same time in order to change its channel. Kazuya smiled when their hands brushed against each other and when Tatsuya hurriedly took his own hand back, surprised by the sudden touch. Kazuya changed the song that was played, then concentrated on the road again.
"I think that we'll be there in less than half a hour or so. We could even eat our lunch there."
"Fine."
Tatsuya yawned a little. He could not believe he was actually locked in Kazuya's car, going to a place he did not know, he could not believe that his colleague went to his apartment in the middle of the night to take him there, and he could not believe either they spend the night at a love-hotel without doing anything that could be seen as 'disturbing' by the society.
"You know, you should sleep if you're that tired." Kazuya advised him.
"Hmm. That sounds kinda appealing."
A shy smile floating onto his lips, Tatsuya closed his eyes, as to relax better. He could feel Kazuya's gentle glare on him, but did not open his eyes again. He did not feel perfectly well, but his mood is still better than the night before, as he was alone in his huge apartement. Although he did not say it clearly, he is glad Kazuya visited him and took him for a drive, it helped him think to other things, to forget a bit all those worries swimming in his brain and his banal fears. He was glad to have him by his side, giving him the strength and the courage he needed. Kazuya was his guide, his support, his mainstay. Without him, his life would have been a real mess. A real, bland, boring mess. Kazuya was constantly painting his world with a wide range of colours, he was giving it a sense by making it better.
Tatsuya felt truly thankful towards the younger man. He knew Kazuya was surely more mature than him and knew what to do in all kinds of situations.
If Kazuya wanted to rule his life, then Tatsuya would not mind that much.
I just can't keep still tonight - I can't keep still
I'm going to make that world that I don't know scatter.
Tatsuya suddenly opened his eyes when Kazuya sped the car up a little. Surprised, he turned his face around, looking for a reply to his silent questions on his colleague's face. Kazuya just said that he wanted them to reach that place as soon as possible. The older man silently nodded once and closed his eyes again. He knew the other man would not mind if they did not talk together. Trying to relax a little, letting his body being driven with his head leaned against the window glass, painfully bouncing against there, he just listened to the music the radio was broadcasting in the air.
He let himself being rocked by the soft humings Kazuya did on the melody and enjoyed the moment. His hear was not impatient, his heart was not greedy. Something was different from the usual. He felt like he was in a bubble, in a place where nobody could even reach him. Kazuya was protecting him from his fears and suspicions. He was taking him away, bringing him to another world - a better one - where nobody would look for them. It felt like a dream. It was a dream. A real one. And, as every dreams, this one was ephemeral. It was meant to last one day, a few hours only.
Tatsuya perfectly knew it.
He knew that day he was spending with his colleague was bonded to come to an end - as every single day. He would enjoy it as much as possible, he would feel appreciated, loved, protected, would Kazuya take care of him, would kiss him back every time their lips would touch, would do everything he could do to make this day and its night last longer.
Somewhat, he wanted to disappear from the Earth' surface for a while. He wanted to stay away from his mobile phone, he wanted people to forget them for a few days. He wanted to stay alone with Kazuya some time, he wanted to breathe, to relax, to forget everything he wanted to forget, he wanted to live his own life, the life he wanted to have during that single day.
His eyes still closed, he slightly frowned. He liked his job, his colleagues, his fans and family but, this time, he really wanted to step back and to take a rest. He caught his glasses and took them out from his nose. When Kazuya came to his apartement the night before, he had already taken his contact lenses off and was wearing his glasses. Now that he thought about it, it was surely one of the very first time his colleague saw him in such a natural state, wearing his actual glasses and not some made of plastic.
It was the first time one of his colleagues saw him in his real state. That natural, that true, that normal. Although both Kazuya and him were idols known nationwilde, they also both were humans. They laughed, they cried, they liked and felt insecure too.
And, as the humans they were, they both wanted to share some time, kindness and warmth together.
Because there was that bond between them, that link above friendship.
This feeling is growing - Step by step, my heart pounds harder
At those street corners, don't be afraid anymore
In the radio, Paul Mc Cartney was telling somebody else to refrain every time he felt the pain, then advising him not to carry the world other his shoulders. Tatsuya opened his eyes again right at this moment. Kazuya was drumming his fingers onto the steering wheel, humming the song's melody.
The car was still driving fast, trying to cross a certain distance as fast as possible. Kazuya told him that they were slowly getting to their aim, that they should be arrived very soon. Tatsuya looked by the windows, wondering once more when they could be. Of course, he could not recognize everything, but guessed that they have left the highway and were now in a little road, driving to a peaceful city. Tatsuya did not even know in which prefecture they could be. He could not check on his cellular phone, as his colleague told him not to take it with them as they left Tokyo.
Tatsuya's stomach growled a little, Kazuya smiled and promised him that they would eat soon.
The man kept his words and Tatsuya had his nose literally stuck against the window to look outside the car when Kazuya finally parked. It had been approximately two hours, maybe three since they have left the hotel they have spent the night in and... They were finally arrived.
As soon as the car was stopped, Tatsuya dashed outside, wanting to know where they were. Kazuya took his time and rejoined him, locking his car behind them. Tatsuya looked all around him, his eyes widely opened and trying to understand what that place was.
They were in the countryside, obviously. There were mostly green fields around them, spreading under the large grey sky. A light wind was blowing, surrounding them and playing with their clothes and hair. Kazuya wrapped an arm around Tatsuya's shoulder, as to bring him closer to his body. Tatsuya readjusted his glasses onto his nose and Kazuya pointed at the scenery around them, saying :
"So ? Do you like it ?"
"Well..."
Although Tatsuya used to live in such places as he was a little boy, he could not say that pastures and stuff were his thing. Kazuya smiled and pointed at something located at Tatsuya's left. The older man turned around a little and looked at the few, traditional-looking houses that stood here. He could not understand why his colleague brought him to such a place without a decent reason. He could not get why they were doing here while they could be at Tokyo, in their respective apartment.
Kazuya patted his shoulder and explained while pointing a one of those houses :
"I rent this one. We're gonna spend the two days to come here."
"Eh ? Why ? Wait... What ?"
Evolution comes by "give and take"
Just set your instincts free and drive with all your might
"I rent this place for the two days to come. I thought you need to step back and breathe, this is the best idea I had."
"But..."
Tatsuya was glad and touched by Kazuya's words, but... But. There was a but. A huge but. They could do this kind of thing. They could not leave Tokyo just like that, skip work without saying a word and letting everything behind them - although it was for two days only. They were not dreamers anymore, they were adults. At least, they were meant to be adults. Could they really disappear like that for a while ?
"Kame, I don't think..."
"It isn't that unreasonable, don't worry." Kazuya said with a smile "Or maybe it is. But I don't really care. We shouldn't care. I mean, you can at least take some impromptu and unplanned holidays, right ? Our agency doesn't have the right to get mad at us for this."
Tatsuya wanted to tell the other that it was wrong, that their agency could - and would - blame them for what they were doing. He also wanted to tell something about how their families and friends could be worrying for them at the moment, since he could not send them mails nor answer to their calls. Yet, he decided not to say anything like that and his fingers just caught Kazuya's jacket.
"I know we would regret it if we don't do it now. We should just enjoy this occasion. Forget about our obligations and just spend this given time with me. Am I asking for too much ?"
"Well..."
"Am I asking for too much, Ueda ?" Kazuya repeated, his eyes looking straight at Tatsuya's.
The older man bit his lips and looked down at his feet. He did not take enough spare clothes to spend two days here and he did not have any food with him either. He did not want everyone in Tokyo wondering where he could have gone and he did not want to think about this either. Kazuya was somewhat right. They could act egoistically for once. Forget everything, everyone and live here for a few hours.
Tatsuya knew it was a mistake to let themselves go that way, yet... He wanted to do it. He knew he should not care about the consequences for now.
"Yeah. You're asking for too much. But I don't think I mind that much, actually. I think we deserve this freedom."
The limit is up to date so I'll free myself from it and go anywhere
Keep on fighting Run & gun Do this winning run in style
Kazuya smiled, of that little smile of him which told Ueda that he was right, that they both had the right to be fully free from anything. Yet, that smile also reminded the other man that this time spent together was bonded to come to an end. That is why he caught his colleague's wrist - not daring to take his hand yet - and walked towards the house he rent for them.
Kazuya fumbled in his jacket's pocket, opened the door and they both stepped inside. It smells old wood, dust and happiness. Tatsuya decided that he liked that smell and breathed as deeply as possible in order to fill his lungs with that scent. His fingers let Kazuya's wrist go so he could take his shoes off.
Then, his colleague walking behind him, Tatsuya visited the place. He smiled a little as he saw the way the rooms were decorated. It was very simple and somewhat made him think of the way his grandparents' place was arranged when he was younger. Most of the furniture were made of wood and the few decorative objects laid here and there seemed to be unexpectedly old.
Of course, there was only one bed in the bedroom. It was big enough for two and Tatsuya immediately threw an amused glare to his colleague as he saw it. Kazuya just bit on his lower lip, looking slightly embarrassed to feel the other man's on him. As to escape from Tatsuya's inquiring glare, Kazuya checked his wristwatch and gently took Tatsuya's hand in his own to lead him to the kitchen. There, Tatsuya absentmindedly sat on a chair and stared at the other man as the latter was looking for something in a cupboard.
"I... There's some food here... What do you wanna eat...?"
"Anything would be fine with me." Tatsuya just smiled. "Just cook whatever you want."
Kazuya nodded once. He knew Tatsuya would not help him cooking food for them both. He knew the man for a long time and did not even hoped for him to give him a helping hand. Tatsuya had never really been the kind who would help somebody doing chores. Kazuya knew it and did not really mind either. He preferred taking care of the older man that being the one taken in care.
A smile stuck onto his lips he began preparing some pastas, this dish being his among his favourites and the one he liked cooking the most.
While Kazuya was cooking, Tatsuya kept his eyes locked on his back, peacefully looking at what he was during. His mind was still somewhat strangely blank as he thought about all those little things that had happened over the last few hours. He still could not really believe he was here, in some little town he did not know, waiting for the lunch Kazuya was preparing to be done so they could eat together. He could not believe he was here, with Kazuya out of all the people. He could not believe he was spending his thirtieth birthday with him.
Too many things had happened over those last days and he could not properly realize half of them. Koki had just been fired. Their band - that little family they have built altogether along the years - had been broken once more. He also had plenty of his usual worries - something about a fight he recently had with his older sister, some hurtful words exchanged with one of his boxing-buddy, and how he missed his dogs as he could not spend so many time with them.
His head was full of those tiny disappointments, of those failures and fears.
Kazuya was right. He really needed to get everything out of his brain.
But Kazuya was always right. Especially when it comes to this kind of thing.
Moving to the top, cutting through this winding road
Unbridled, I'm wild & tough - This is a winning run of a record high
Tatsuya heard the faint noise of the raw pastas falling in some boiling water. A shadow passed on his eyes. While Kazuya was now busy cutting some vegetables in order to prepare the sauce that would accompany their meal, he slowly stood up from his chair. His bare feet slipping on the tiles, he approached the younger man and carefully wrapped his arms around his waist.
Kazuya jumped out in surprise and almost cut his finger. He then completely relaxed when Tatsuya pressed his lips against his shoulder.
"W-What ?" he mechanically asked.
Tatsuya shook his head. Nothing. There was nothing special. He just wanted to do that, for some unknown reason. Kazuya seemed to understand and put the knife he was holding down onto the cutting board. His hands were cold when they embraced Tatsuya's own. The older man put his chin down on Kazuya's shoulder. Contrasting with his hands, this part of Kazuya's body was warm.
Tatsuya's voice sounded a bit hoarse and tired when he whispered :
"I like you."
He could almost /feel/ Kazuya's smile. The man's fingers squeezed his hands a little.
"Me too. I like you."
"I knew that already." Tatsuya grinned a little "It's been a while since the first time you said it..."
"For sure. But words of love and affection are meant to be repeated, if they're sincere. That's what being an idol taught me."
Tatsuya's grin widened. He turned his head and kissed a spot on Kazuya's neck. He was glad to be here with him. He was glad they had the opportunity to spend his birthday together, cut from the rest of the society. He was glad he did not have to think about anything else but him.
He was glad their bond was that deep, that genuine and strong. He was glad they shared the same feelings. He was glad Kazuya could give him enough strength to keep on moving and fighting. He was glad Kazuya was the only man on Earth who could expose all of him so naturally.
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thank you for reading!!
Author: jolly_roger_77
Rating : -13, maybe -15 but not above.
Warnings : Surely none.
Song : Expose
Summary : Tatsuya could not help worrying about his life and work. Fortunately for him, Kazuya knew him well and understood that.
--
Around eleven pm that night, Kazuya stopped his car before the building where Tatsuya lived. The night was cold and his car's windows were covered by mist. He coughed a little, cut the engine and the air conditioner. He took his cellular phone and pushed a button, making it send some gloomy light on his face. His face was expressionless as he checked the date and time.
It was the 3rd of October. Five to eleven.
Kazuya slipped his phone back in his jacket's pocket and went out of the car. He heightened his jacket's collar as to hide his mouth behind and dug his hands into his pockets. His steps slow, he walked to the door of the building and there, he composed a code known by heart. He crossed a few corridors, took an elevator and soon found himself before Tatsuya's apartment's door. He laid his finger on the bell, took a breath and pushed it to make it ring.
A handful of seconds later, the door opened on his bandmate. Tatsuya was wearing his glasses, some grey and loose sweatpants with a wide white tee-shirt. There were dark circles under his eyes and the folded handkerchief he had in his hands told Kazuya that it was not only Tatsuya was lacking of sleep.
Kazuya's voice was hoarse and tired when he said as a greeting :
"Come with me."
"What ?"
Tatsuya's voice was a somewhat cracked and clearly sounded exhausted. Kazuya repeated what he has just said and added :
"Take some clothes and your toothbrush with you."
"But... I wanna go to sleep..."
"Then take a cup of coffee too."
Hearing Kazuya's self-confident tone and words almost made Tatsuya close his door and walk away. However, there was something in Kazuya's eyes that prevented him from doing so and he ended up telling his colleague to wait a little here, that he would be back within a few minutes. He disappeared from the doorframe and came back as promised approximately five minutes later with the bag he usually used when he went to the gym and a hot thermos packed in his arms.
"I'm here." he simply said, stating the evident.
"I can see it. Now, come."
Tatsuya silently nodded, took his cellular phone and keys from his pocket, which earned him to be told :
"Wait, let your phone here."
"What, why ?"
"Because I know you and I'm sure you'll be stuck on this thing instead of being with me."
Tatsuya could not find anything clever he could say as a reply so he gave in and went back into his apartment to let his mobile there. He came back by Kazuya's side, locked the door behind him and followed the younger man to his car. Obeying to the man's words, he got in the car and sat on the passenger's seat. Kazuya took his jacket off, tossed and threw it onto the back seats then settled before the steering wheel. Tatsuya made his bag slip on the floor and kept his thermos in his hands, as to keep them warm.
"Where are we going ?" he asked his colleague as the latter was starting the engine.
"Somewhere."
Knowing that this reply was surely the best he could have from his colleague for now, Tatsuya gave in again. Giving in recently became one of the things he had to make more and more often, so he just could not mind about such a little thing anymore.
Tonight, traveling in the dark - Right now
This labyrinth of streets and traffic lights is endless
Tatsuya leaned his head against the window and looked at the outside, trying to guess where they were. His head kept on pounding against the glass because of the car's speed, but he just could not bring himself to care. His eyes were firmly stuck onto the lights he could see. Streetlights, lights coming from buildings, car and the few coming from the stars. For the first time since he has moved here, he felt like Tokyo's atmosphere was suffocating. He felt like he was trapped in something too big and difficult for him to understand. It was a little terrifying to be honest.
Kazuya asked him if he wanted him to turn the radio on but Tatsuya did not pay him any attention, barely hearing his voice as he was deeply lost in his thought and the faint scene he had before his eyes. His heart was squeezed in his chest and he could barely breathe as his lungs were taking too much place in his chest. Soon, his sight became blurry as too often those days and a sob painfully crossed his throat.
Kazuya heard it, of course, and he briefly glared at him. He put his hand down onto Tatsuya's thigh, in the best sign of encouragement he could have done. Tatsuya immediately wipes his eyes with the back of his hand and whispered a soft word :
"Koki..."
Kazuya, his eyes glued onto the dark road ahead them, caressed his thigh. This was a simple touch but brought an immense wave of heat to Tatsuya's body. It was like if Kazuya's hand was hotter than his thermos of coffee.
Kazuya did not say anything but removed his hand from Tatsuya's sweatpants to fumble in a little box that was put down between them. Still wordlessly, he held him a tissue out. Tatsuya quickly caught it, had a nod towards Kazuya and blew his nose as discretely as possible. The used handkerchief soon disappeared in a pocket and Tatsuya began looking by the window again.
I just need a thrill tonight - I need a thrill
You cannot savor this feeling of victory if the situation is not pushed to its limits
"Where are we going ?" Tatsuya asked again five minutes later when lights coming from the outside became more and more scattered and rare.
"Somewhere."
"But where is that somewhere ?"
"Far away."
"How far ?"
Tatsuya turned his head and stared at Kazuya. The latter was still concentrated on the road, but had a quick glance and a smile for him.
"Don't worry." Kazuya said "It isn't that far. I will take you back to your flat soon, safe and sound."
"You told me to take clean clothes and my toothbrush. Why ?"
"Because I'll keep you for me a little."
Kazuya's words sounded strangely empty to Tatsuya's ears, but it was surely because he had been recently deceived by many words over the last few days and did not know if he could trust them anymore. He absentmindedly pocked the car window and sighed a little. As if he was replying to a silent question, Kazuya said :
"I thought that you didn't want to be alone tonight, that's why I came."
"But... I didn't..."
"I know you, Ueda. I can bet you were sulking on your own, pacing back and forth in your living-room and wondering why you let your dogs at your parents' home. You didn't want to be left alone tonight, I know you well."
The silent that followed almost sounded like a confession. Kazuya finally turned the radio on and sped up.
"I think you need to be kept busy tonight. And I wanted to do something for you."
"Why ?"
"Isn't that evident ? Because I like you."
This hot passion bounces in my heart and my brows furrow under impatience
Do not mess around so much - Don't look back anymore
Tatsuya had a strangled chuckle. Kazuya sped up again. Although Tatsuya knew that what they were doing was not that careful, that driving almost crazily in the middle of the night, going to a place he did not have a clue about was not something idols - or normal people - were meant to do, he was feeling at ease. In fact, he was almost feeling good. The hot thermos trapped between his hands kept him warm the old rock sound that came from the radio kept him awake and Kazuya's presence by his side made him feel relieved and protected.
Tatsuya felt good when he was with the younger man. That was a little fact that gradually built as years passed by. From colleagues who hated each other they became an unusual mix between siblings, friends and boyfriends. Kazuya cared for him like a mother, he made him laugh like a bestfriend, he wiped his tears like a confidant. There was something strong between them, something they could not really explain themselves. It was a bit strange to feel that way, for sure, but they did not mind at all.
Tatsuya smiled a little at the younger man.
"Sometimes, I wonder if you aren't the person who cares the most for me."
"To be honest, I sometimes wonder the same." Kazuya replied, his voice soft and tender "If I am not the person who cares the most for you, I mean."
"It could be possible. I can't be sure, but it doesn't sound that exaggerated."
Kazuya did not say anything and took a turn. Tatsuya trusted Kazuya's driving, he really did, yet he could not help wondering if the latter knew what he was doing. Controling his voice so he would not sound panicked or insecure, Tatsuya asked once again :
"Seriously... Where are we going ? It's almost midnight and we're here, lost in the middle of a road... We're outside Tokyo now, am I right ?"
"Yeah, you're right. But don't worry, I know where we are. Well... Kinda."
Tatsuya sighed. He hoped Kazuya really knew where they were or else...
"Don't worry !" Kazuya repeated "We won't drive all night long. We'll soon stop and spend the night somewhere."
"Somewhere... Somewhere, but where ?"
Kazuya remained silent for four, five long seconds before he eventually replied :
"A hotel or something. Don't worry, I know a place approximately... Twenty minutes from here or so."
"And after ?"
"We'll left the hotel on the morning and get in the car again. Then I'll bring you to a peaceful place where we could rest."
"But where exactly ?"
"Ueda... Can't you just stay quiet and wait a little ?" Kazuya snapped, frowning "You'll see when we'll be there !"
Tatsuya immediately fell silent, surprised and almost shocked by his colleague's tone. Kazuya's eyes widened as he realized that he had maybe been a bit rude and he gave Tatsuya an apologetic glare.
"H-Hmm... Sorry, I didn't mean to be that..."
Tatsuya shook his head from right to left and said that it was nothing, that it did not matter.
It is just "make or break" - Follow your instincts
This is a unique chance
"I promise you that you'll like it, so... Just enjoy, okay ? Forget everything for tonight and just stay with me."
Tatsuya did not even think that work and stress had driven his colleague crazy and simply nodded once. Staying by Kazuya's side surely was not that bad or terrifying, way on the contrary. He was ready to stay with him as long as needed - as long as could. He felt good when they were that close, together in the same car. They was not even touching each other, their clothes was not even in contact, yet Tatsuya felt as protected as if Kazuya was holding him in his arms and promising him eternity. It felt great, reassuring.
Another song, slower than the one before, played on the radio. It was one of those songs Tatsuya has heard billion times before, but he could not even put a title on it. He closed his eyes a little, paradoxically trying to chase his tiredness away to keep company to Kazuya. Piano notes were now flying in the restrained space, floated between them and squeezed Tatsuya's chest a little. He liked the song that was playing as a background music. He could not put a name on the composer or the singer either, but knew it was one of those songs he used to listen on repeat when he was younger.
As if they were thinking the very same thing, he began humming the melody right when Kazuya began whistling it. Tatsuya opened an eye, they exchanged an amused look and smiled at each other.
Tatsuya opened his thermos and carefully took a long sip of coffee. It burnt his tongue a little but it did not felt that painful, surely because his mind was stuck on the way Kazuya was holding the steering wheel between his hands.
Kazuya wa a beautiful man and it has been a while now since Tatsuya admitted it for the first time. Although they both were too skinny and felt unsure in their own bodies when they were teenagers, they were now well-formed adults. Like in the Ugly Duckling tale, they both grew up, became more confident and accepted themselves as they were. They also became gradually closer. Kazuya forgave Tatsuya for making that thing about fairies up while Tatsuya forgave the latter for being a disrespectful kouhai.
"We're close to the hotel now." Kazuya whispered, like if he was talking to himself "We can expect to be there within five minutes or so..."
Tatsuya nodded once and drank some more coffee, surely to fight against his slight exhaustion that was coming back. As told, Kazuya soon stopped the car on a little parking lot. They were not so many street lights around them but Tatsuya could guess that they were in the middle of nowhere, literally lost halfway on a highway. Kazuya took his safety belt off while Tatsuya was wiping the mist which had formed on the window so he could have a better look at their surroundings.
He blinked as he saw the hotel his colleague told him about. Thanks to the few lights that were put here and there, he could more or less guess what the building looked like. It seemed little, shady and was totally different from those beautiful, luxurious hotels they used to stop at when they were far from Tokyo for their works.
Tatsuya's mouth opened in surprise when his eyes caught a colourful signboard that was circled and lightened by neons. The truth became visible when he murmured, reading the said-sign out loud :
"A love-hotel...?"
As to ask Kazuya some questions on the matter, he turned around to face him. However, he could not say anything as the latter caught him by his shirt and crushed their lips together.
Moving to the top, cutting through this winding road
Unbridled, I'm wild & tough - This is a winning run of a record high
It startled Tatsuya, for sure. Yet, it was not the first time they both shared a kiss and he knew from experience that his colleague's kisses were good enough to make him lose his mind. So, as soon as he had understood what was going on, Tatsuya relaxed his body, closed his eyes and allowed himself to be kissed. Kazuya's tongue felt fierce and rough against his own, the kiss was audacious and had a slight aftertaste of tobacco. Although Tatsuya was firmly keeping his eyes closed, he knew that the other man was staring at his face, surely trying to guess what he was thinking. After all - and that was another thing Tatsuya knew from experience - Kazuya was a control-freak. One of the caring, not too exaggerated kind, yet... He liked to plan everything beforehand, to know exactly what was going on in people's mind and to have a hold on the happenings.
That is the reason why Kazuya is the one who broke the kiss, tearing his mouth apart right when Tatsuya was about to wind his hands around his neck and to pull him even closer. As if nothing had happened, Kazuya then bent and took some of his belongings that were on the backseats. Tatsuya just looked at him, wondering what would come next.
"Yeah, a love-hotel." Kazuya said with a low and hoarse tone "It's cheaper and isn't worse that a more normal one."
"But..."
Tatsuya let his voice trail a little, somewhat fearing to tell what he was thinking out loud. Still, Kazuya knew him well and added, replying to the question that could not come :
"Relax, we won't have sex tonight. Unless you want it, of course."
Kazuya sat back on his seat and checked the contents of the bag he has just taken as well as his jacket's pockets. He nodded to himself and glared at Tatsuya, surely waiting for him to say something. Blushing a little in spite of his own will, Tatsuya muttered :
"Well, no... Of course I don't want... That would be weird..."
Kazuya opened the door and got out of the car, chuckling a little. Tatsuya immediately caught his own bag, followed him outside and closed his own door behind him. His colleague locked his car and they both began walking to the motel's front door. The night was cold and there even was white smoke coming from their nose but they both did not complain about it.
"It wouldn't be weird." Kazuya suddenly said "Plus, it isn't like we never did it or something..."
Tatsuya was somewhat glad his colleague could not perfectly see his face in the dark as he blushes again. He mumbled something and nodded once. Kazuya chuckled again and they both entered the hall. A few words were exchanged between Kazuya and the receptionist, a key was given and the two idols soon went to their room for the night.
This time, Tatsuya was not even surprised when the younger man laid his lips on his own again, as soon as the room door had been closed behind them.
Wake up, feeling -Wake up, feeling
If we are going to dance with so much passion, then what about making it dirtier ?
Tatsuya simply smiled in the kiss and this time, he reacted soon enough to let both his bag and the thermos fall on the fall so he could wrap his arms around Kazuya's waist. Exactly as the time before, they shared a long breath and tenderly drowned themselves in the other. Tatsuya could not lie to himself : it felt good to be kissed that way.
Still, a teasing smirk on his lips, he pushed the younger man away, bent so he could take his bag and coffee back then walked to the bed. He threw his few belongings onto the mattress and turned around, only to see that Kazuya was looking back at him, his lips glowing a little as they were covered by his own saliva.
"I thought you didn't want to have sex tonight..." Tatsuya said, his voice feigning disinterest.
"Kissing and fucking are two different things."
"Yeah, whatever. I think I'll just take a shower and go to bed. We still have some road to do tomorrow, is that right ?"
"Hmm." Kazuya nodded and mechanically checked his mobile "I'll wake you up around eight or nine."
Tatsuya grimaced and whispered something that sounded like "shit". Kazuya sat on the bed, his own bag put down on his knees and said that such an ugly word did not suit his mouth. The other man just ignored him and walked to the bathroom, letting the bag and his coffee behind him. While his colleague was showering, Kazuya caught the coffee and drank some.
He was exhausted, for sure. His week had been horrible and he knew that the days before him - before them - were not going to be any better. Their boss told them about Koki's departure only two days before and even if they could talk altogether on the matter, reuniting the five members of KAT-TUN in a private setting one last time, it still felt a bit unreal. He knew that Tatsuya was thinking the same - that he was feeling the same. They were missing the same person and Kazuya simply wanted to make something for Tatsuya, something that could help him healing his pain. Their pain.
Because he liked him. A lot.
They have been many things to one another since their very first encounter. They have been enemies, they have been co-workers, colleagues, friends, brothers and even lovers. Not really boyfriends, more... Lovers. They just happened to kiss several times on their private life. They sometimes held hands, cuddled, had sex but never really spoke a word about this. Nobody never knew about this and they never really talked about this. They both did not want to commit, thinking that it would be too troublesome, but sharing those kind of things seemed natural for them. They did not have sex like sex-buddies do, no. Their acts were pushed by a strong and sincere affection. An affection so deep that it did not even change their friendship.
Sex did not happen that often between them, only five or six times. And it was always slow, tender, loving and wanted. It felt good. They were not exclusive, they were not a couple. It was just a form of affection, an instinct, their way to tell each other that they could not fully live if separated from one another.
When Tatsuya went out of the bathroom a few minutes later, he was wearing only his underwear. As to reply to the little frown Kazuya made, he said that he did not want to sleep in the clothes he was wearing just before. Kazuya did not object but knew that Tatsuya actually did not mind sleeping in the clothes he had just removed, but that he wanted to feel Kazuya's body all against his own as he would fall asleep in his arms. He was only yearning for human touch and warmth.
As Tatsuya was arranging his bag and coffee somewhere else in the room, Kazuya took his own clothes off, tossed them aside and sat on the bed. The older man soon rejoined him there, slipped his body between his arms and kissed him.
Wake up, feeling Awake ! Moving at that speed
Your honest heart drives me crazy every time
Honnestly, if they were not both tired and if they were not meant to wake up early on the next morning, then Kazuya would surely have asked Tatsuya if they could not make love, right here and now. Still, he just could not bring himself to do anything else than to kiss him once, then twice and to smile.
Tatsuya's body was heavy on his own, but he did not mind. Another smile bloomed on his lips when his eyes fell on his luxurious wristwatch.
"Oh. Happy birthday, Ueda."
First a bit surprised, Tatsuya then looked at the watch to see that it was approximately midnight and half on the 4 of October. He caught Kazuya's lips under his own once more and thanked him, his voice hoarse and slow. His thirties just pleasantly began. It could have been better, yes, but it was not that bad either, especially since he was tenderly settled in Kazuya's arms.
He kissed him one last time, reluctantly leaving his mouth, and laid under the cover. Immediately after, Kazuya did the same and circled an arm around his body. Their breaths were perfectly synchronised, their heart were beating at the same rhythm and they were both feeling perfectly relaxed. It was like if all the stress they have felt the days before suddenly washed away. And it felt good, for sure.
Feelings tear my excited heart apart
Don't be afraid and walk further
Get some dangerous on tonight
Tatsuya does not remember how they ended up kissing hungrily again on the morning after, yet it did happen. This time, they were both wearing usual clothes and they have just finished eating the few edible things Kazuya had in his bag along with the rest of coffee Tatsuya still had in his thermos. Every kiss was hot, short but still powerful. Good.
"We... We should go, don't you think so ?" Tatsuya suddenly said between two kisses "You told me that this place you wanna take me to isn't that close, so..."
Kazuya groaned a little and forced his tongue down Tatsuya's throat. For sure, they needed to go, but... He did not want to let him go, he did not want Tatsuya to leave his arms. His partner was right, but still...
He wanted to make love to him. He wanted to show him the depths of his affection.
Tatsuya seemed to understand what Kazuya was thinking about. He had a gentle smile, pressed a gentle kiss against his thin lips and promised :
"Once we'll be at that place you wanna show me. Or else, once we'll be back in Tokyo."
Kazuya pouted. If Tatsuya did not want to do it now, then fine. He would wait for him. He stood up, took all his things and they soon could leave the hotel room.
They settled on their respective seat in Kazuya's car and the latter started the engine and began driving. Tatsuya mechanically fumbled with the radio's commands until he has been able to find how to turn it on then comfortably leant back against the backrest. Kazuya's hand found his way to his inner thigh and Tatsuya immediately laid his finger onto the back of that hand, as to keep it even closer. The road they were driving through kept on going farther the horizon and there were not so many cars around them. Once again, Tatsuya could not help wondering where his colleague was taking him.
"Don't worry," Kazuya said, taking his hand out from Tatsuya's clothes at the same time "You'll like it. That place where we're going to, I mean. It's the best idea I had to help you relax..."
The other man just nodded once, without even trying to pretend and to tell that he did not need it. He felt glad he had somebody like Kazuya by his side, really. And - although he did not have a single clue about the said-place - he knew it was surely the best place of the world.
Is there a brand new world at the end of this road ? brand new world
Even if I don't know how many there are
"For how long do we still have to drive before getting there ?"
"Not so long actually, don't worry. We could have done this in one go, without stopping for the night, but I was way too tired to keep on driving."
Tatsuya nodded, thoughtful. He really wondered what was that place his colleague wanted to show him. It should be a beautiful, wonderful place. He was becoming more and more impatient about this place. This time, the radio was playing some old pop song which annoyed Tatsuya a little. Like if Kazuya was thinking the exact same thing, they reached for the radio's button at the very same time in order to change its channel. Kazuya smiled when their hands brushed against each other and when Tatsuya hurriedly took his own hand back, surprised by the sudden touch. Kazuya changed the song that was played, then concentrated on the road again.
"I think that we'll be there in less than half a hour or so. We could even eat our lunch there."
"Fine."
Tatsuya yawned a little. He could not believe he was actually locked in Kazuya's car, going to a place he did not know, he could not believe that his colleague went to his apartment in the middle of the night to take him there, and he could not believe either they spend the night at a love-hotel without doing anything that could be seen as 'disturbing' by the society.
"You know, you should sleep if you're that tired." Kazuya advised him.
"Hmm. That sounds kinda appealing."
A shy smile floating onto his lips, Tatsuya closed his eyes, as to relax better. He could feel Kazuya's gentle glare on him, but did not open his eyes again. He did not feel perfectly well, but his mood is still better than the night before, as he was alone in his huge apartement. Although he did not say it clearly, he is glad Kazuya visited him and took him for a drive, it helped him think to other things, to forget a bit all those worries swimming in his brain and his banal fears. He was glad to have him by his side, giving him the strength and the courage he needed. Kazuya was his guide, his support, his mainstay. Without him, his life would have been a real mess. A real, bland, boring mess. Kazuya was constantly painting his world with a wide range of colours, he was giving it a sense by making it better.
Tatsuya felt truly thankful towards the younger man. He knew Kazuya was surely more mature than him and knew what to do in all kinds of situations.
If Kazuya wanted to rule his life, then Tatsuya would not mind that much.
I just can't keep still tonight - I can't keep still
I'm going to make that world that I don't know scatter.
Tatsuya suddenly opened his eyes when Kazuya sped the car up a little. Surprised, he turned his face around, looking for a reply to his silent questions on his colleague's face. Kazuya just said that he wanted them to reach that place as soon as possible. The older man silently nodded once and closed his eyes again. He knew the other man would not mind if they did not talk together. Trying to relax a little, letting his body being driven with his head leaned against the window glass, painfully bouncing against there, he just listened to the music the radio was broadcasting in the air.
He let himself being rocked by the soft humings Kazuya did on the melody and enjoyed the moment. His hear was not impatient, his heart was not greedy. Something was different from the usual. He felt like he was in a bubble, in a place where nobody could even reach him. Kazuya was protecting him from his fears and suspicions. He was taking him away, bringing him to another world - a better one - where nobody would look for them. It felt like a dream. It was a dream. A real one. And, as every dreams, this one was ephemeral. It was meant to last one day, a few hours only.
Tatsuya perfectly knew it.
He knew that day he was spending with his colleague was bonded to come to an end - as every single day. He would enjoy it as much as possible, he would feel appreciated, loved, protected, would Kazuya take care of him, would kiss him back every time their lips would touch, would do everything he could do to make this day and its night last longer.
Somewhat, he wanted to disappear from the Earth' surface for a while. He wanted to stay away from his mobile phone, he wanted people to forget them for a few days. He wanted to stay alone with Kazuya some time, he wanted to breathe, to relax, to forget everything he wanted to forget, he wanted to live his own life, the life he wanted to have during that single day.
His eyes still closed, he slightly frowned. He liked his job, his colleagues, his fans and family but, this time, he really wanted to step back and to take a rest. He caught his glasses and took them out from his nose. When Kazuya came to his apartement the night before, he had already taken his contact lenses off and was wearing his glasses. Now that he thought about it, it was surely one of the very first time his colleague saw him in such a natural state, wearing his actual glasses and not some made of plastic.
It was the first time one of his colleagues saw him in his real state. That natural, that true, that normal. Although both Kazuya and him were idols known nationwilde, they also both were humans. They laughed, they cried, they liked and felt insecure too.
And, as the humans they were, they both wanted to share some time, kindness and warmth together.
Because there was that bond between them, that link above friendship.
This feeling is growing - Step by step, my heart pounds harder
At those street corners, don't be afraid anymore
In the radio, Paul Mc Cartney was telling somebody else to refrain every time he felt the pain, then advising him not to carry the world other his shoulders. Tatsuya opened his eyes again right at this moment. Kazuya was drumming his fingers onto the steering wheel, humming the song's melody.
The car was still driving fast, trying to cross a certain distance as fast as possible. Kazuya told him that they were slowly getting to their aim, that they should be arrived very soon. Tatsuya looked by the windows, wondering once more when they could be. Of course, he could not recognize everything, but guessed that they have left the highway and were now in a little road, driving to a peaceful city. Tatsuya did not even know in which prefecture they could be. He could not check on his cellular phone, as his colleague told him not to take it with them as they left Tokyo.
Tatsuya's stomach growled a little, Kazuya smiled and promised him that they would eat soon.
The man kept his words and Tatsuya had his nose literally stuck against the window to look outside the car when Kazuya finally parked. It had been approximately two hours, maybe three since they have left the hotel they have spent the night in and... They were finally arrived.
As soon as the car was stopped, Tatsuya dashed outside, wanting to know where they were. Kazuya took his time and rejoined him, locking his car behind them. Tatsuya looked all around him, his eyes widely opened and trying to understand what that place was.
They were in the countryside, obviously. There were mostly green fields around them, spreading under the large grey sky. A light wind was blowing, surrounding them and playing with their clothes and hair. Kazuya wrapped an arm around Tatsuya's shoulder, as to bring him closer to his body. Tatsuya readjusted his glasses onto his nose and Kazuya pointed at the scenery around them, saying :
"So ? Do you like it ?"
"Well..."
Although Tatsuya used to live in such places as he was a little boy, he could not say that pastures and stuff were his thing. Kazuya smiled and pointed at something located at Tatsuya's left. The older man turned around a little and looked at the few, traditional-looking houses that stood here. He could not understand why his colleague brought him to such a place without a decent reason. He could not get why they were doing here while they could be at Tokyo, in their respective apartment.
Kazuya patted his shoulder and explained while pointing a one of those houses :
"I rent this one. We're gonna spend the two days to come here."
"Eh ? Why ? Wait... What ?"
Evolution comes by "give and take"
Just set your instincts free and drive with all your might
"I rent this place for the two days to come. I thought you need to step back and breathe, this is the best idea I had."
"But..."
Tatsuya was glad and touched by Kazuya's words, but... But. There was a but. A huge but. They could do this kind of thing. They could not leave Tokyo just like that, skip work without saying a word and letting everything behind them - although it was for two days only. They were not dreamers anymore, they were adults. At least, they were meant to be adults. Could they really disappear like that for a while ?
"Kame, I don't think..."
"It isn't that unreasonable, don't worry." Kazuya said with a smile "Or maybe it is. But I don't really care. We shouldn't care. I mean, you can at least take some impromptu and unplanned holidays, right ? Our agency doesn't have the right to get mad at us for this."
Tatsuya wanted to tell the other that it was wrong, that their agency could - and would - blame them for what they were doing. He also wanted to tell something about how their families and friends could be worrying for them at the moment, since he could not send them mails nor answer to their calls. Yet, he decided not to say anything like that and his fingers just caught Kazuya's jacket.
"I know we would regret it if we don't do it now. We should just enjoy this occasion. Forget about our obligations and just spend this given time with me. Am I asking for too much ?"
"Well..."
"Am I asking for too much, Ueda ?" Kazuya repeated, his eyes looking straight at Tatsuya's.
The older man bit his lips and looked down at his feet. He did not take enough spare clothes to spend two days here and he did not have any food with him either. He did not want everyone in Tokyo wondering where he could have gone and he did not want to think about this either. Kazuya was somewhat right. They could act egoistically for once. Forget everything, everyone and live here for a few hours.
Tatsuya knew it was a mistake to let themselves go that way, yet... He wanted to do it. He knew he should not care about the consequences for now.
"Yeah. You're asking for too much. But I don't think I mind that much, actually. I think we deserve this freedom."
The limit is up to date so I'll free myself from it and go anywhere
Keep on fighting Run & gun Do this winning run in style
Kazuya smiled, of that little smile of him which told Ueda that he was right, that they both had the right to be fully free from anything. Yet, that smile also reminded the other man that this time spent together was bonded to come to an end. That is why he caught his colleague's wrist - not daring to take his hand yet - and walked towards the house he rent for them.
Kazuya fumbled in his jacket's pocket, opened the door and they both stepped inside. It smells old wood, dust and happiness. Tatsuya decided that he liked that smell and breathed as deeply as possible in order to fill his lungs with that scent. His fingers let Kazuya's wrist go so he could take his shoes off.
Then, his colleague walking behind him, Tatsuya visited the place. He smiled a little as he saw the way the rooms were decorated. It was very simple and somewhat made him think of the way his grandparents' place was arranged when he was younger. Most of the furniture were made of wood and the few decorative objects laid here and there seemed to be unexpectedly old.
Of course, there was only one bed in the bedroom. It was big enough for two and Tatsuya immediately threw an amused glare to his colleague as he saw it. Kazuya just bit on his lower lip, looking slightly embarrassed to feel the other man's on him. As to escape from Tatsuya's inquiring glare, Kazuya checked his wristwatch and gently took Tatsuya's hand in his own to lead him to the kitchen. There, Tatsuya absentmindedly sat on a chair and stared at the other man as the latter was looking for something in a cupboard.
"I... There's some food here... What do you wanna eat...?"
"Anything would be fine with me." Tatsuya just smiled. "Just cook whatever you want."
Kazuya nodded once. He knew Tatsuya would not help him cooking food for them both. He knew the man for a long time and did not even hoped for him to give him a helping hand. Tatsuya had never really been the kind who would help somebody doing chores. Kazuya knew it and did not really mind either. He preferred taking care of the older man that being the one taken in care.
A smile stuck onto his lips he began preparing some pastas, this dish being his among his favourites and the one he liked cooking the most.
While Kazuya was cooking, Tatsuya kept his eyes locked on his back, peacefully looking at what he was during. His mind was still somewhat strangely blank as he thought about all those little things that had happened over the last few hours. He still could not really believe he was here, in some little town he did not know, waiting for the lunch Kazuya was preparing to be done so they could eat together. He could not believe he was here, with Kazuya out of all the people. He could not believe he was spending his thirtieth birthday with him.
Too many things had happened over those last days and he could not properly realize half of them. Koki had just been fired. Their band - that little family they have built altogether along the years - had been broken once more. He also had plenty of his usual worries - something about a fight he recently had with his older sister, some hurtful words exchanged with one of his boxing-buddy, and how he missed his dogs as he could not spend so many time with them.
His head was full of those tiny disappointments, of those failures and fears.
Kazuya was right. He really needed to get everything out of his brain.
But Kazuya was always right. Especially when it comes to this kind of thing.
Moving to the top, cutting through this winding road
Unbridled, I'm wild & tough - This is a winning run of a record high
Tatsuya heard the faint noise of the raw pastas falling in some boiling water. A shadow passed on his eyes. While Kazuya was now busy cutting some vegetables in order to prepare the sauce that would accompany their meal, he slowly stood up from his chair. His bare feet slipping on the tiles, he approached the younger man and carefully wrapped his arms around his waist.
Kazuya jumped out in surprise and almost cut his finger. He then completely relaxed when Tatsuya pressed his lips against his shoulder.
"W-What ?" he mechanically asked.
Tatsuya shook his head. Nothing. There was nothing special. He just wanted to do that, for some unknown reason. Kazuya seemed to understand and put the knife he was holding down onto the cutting board. His hands were cold when they embraced Tatsuya's own. The older man put his chin down on Kazuya's shoulder. Contrasting with his hands, this part of Kazuya's body was warm.
Tatsuya's voice sounded a bit hoarse and tired when he whispered :
"I like you."
He could almost /feel/ Kazuya's smile. The man's fingers squeezed his hands a little.
"Me too. I like you."
"I knew that already." Tatsuya grinned a little "It's been a while since the first time you said it..."
"For sure. But words of love and affection are meant to be repeated, if they're sincere. That's what being an idol taught me."
Tatsuya's grin widened. He turned his head and kissed a spot on Kazuya's neck. He was glad to be here with him. He was glad they had the opportunity to spend his birthday together, cut from the rest of the society. He was glad he did not have to think about anything else but him.
He was glad their bond was that deep, that genuine and strong. He was glad they shared the same feelings. He was glad Kazuya could give him enough strength to keep on moving and fighting. He was glad Kazuya was the only man on Earth who could expose all of him so naturally.
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