(for yuki_rvclw) Popular Vote - Part 1 of 2
For: yuki_rvclw
Title: Popular Vote
Pairings: Kai/D.O, Baekhyun/Xiumin
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 10,300
Summary: Kyungsoo might not get Jongin’s vote, but that’s okay. He’s after something entirely different anyway.
Author’s Note: The most heartfelt thanks to A for the endless support and E for beta-ing this fic. Dear recipient (and everyone else), I hope you enjoy this.
There was a cluster of people right in front of the school entrance as Jongin dragged himself up the short flight of stairs, mind still hazy with sleep, even though it had been more than an hour since he rolled out of bed to the insistent blaring of his alarm. But then sleepiness was basically his default state, so Jongin had learned to live with it and keep running into or stumbling over things to a bare minimum. And even though he felt the slight prick of curiosity at the unusual gathering of students this early in the day, his deep-rooted instinct to avoid these kind of scenes had him steering away from the loudly chattering group. That was when he heard the loud, booming voice rising over the jumbled patter.
“Vote Park Chanyeol for class president! You know you want to!”
That last part elicited a round of laughter and high-pitched giggles and even Jongin found himself stifling an amused snort. Despite the obnoxious volume of his voice and clear hyper-activeness, there was just something strangely likeable, about Park Chanyeol. It was close to impossible not to pay attention to him and be anything but charmed by his puppy-like character. Which was probably why it took him one step too long to notice the smaller form breaking away from the bustle of people and stepping directly into his path.
He got the image of full lips pulled into an easy smile, black, soft-looking hair and the biggest, most inviting eyes he had ever seen. Eyes that were focusing on him and it almost looked as if he was about to address Jongin. For a crazy second he actually considered stopping and finding out, but then sanity caught up with him and he forcedly snapped his head around, focusing on speeding up his steps until he could push through the milky glass doors into the air-conditioned hallway of his high school.
He felt unusually winded and not even the walk to his locker was enough to shake the strange feeling. He knew that face well, had seen it often enough around school and thought there probably wasn’t a student who hadn’t. Everyone knew Do Kyungsoo or had at least heard of him. Do Kyungsoo, Park Chanyeol and Kim Minseok, three very unlikely best friends, three boys that seemed to be the only topic of conversation around school. Park Chanyeol, part of the basketball team, tall, loud, with way too much energy and a big, bordering on goofy smile. Kim Minseok, the epitome of a social butterfly, with his smooth manners and that biting, but good-natured sense of humor. And then there was Do Kyungsoo, editor of the school paper, a lot more quiet than his two friends, but with the kind of unassuming charm that drew people in droves.
It had pulled at Jongin as well, that one time they had worked on a project together during the last school year. Only his persistent caution and wariness when it came to befriending new people, especially those that drew everyone’s attention so naturally, had kept him at a constant safe distance, even after falling hopelessly for the older boy. Put together in a group with two other classmates who had been at each other’s throats more than they had worked on their science project, Kyungsoo had easily taken charge. His friendly, but calm personality had soothed away Jongin’s automatic cautiousness, had pulled him in so steadily he had barely understood what was happening. And still, or probably because of that, Jongin had made an effort not to cross paths with Kyungsoo after they had finished their project, made a lot easier by the fact that they had literally no classes together this year. It wasn’t that much of an impossibility at a school with as many students as theirs, but Jongin had still taken it as a sign. A sign to ignore the low simmer of attraction and make himself disappear every time he so much as caught sight of the older boy. It was important for him to remember that someone like Kyungsoo would never be interested in a no-name like Jongin and save himself a lot of pain and disappointment by staying away from Do Kyungsoo, like he did from almost everyone else.
And it was the right thing to do, because even now, after nothing more than the most fleeting meeting of their gazes, Jongin felt the hot bubbling of embarrassment and welling of crippling shyness. It was something he had warred with for years and eventually admitted defeat to. There was simply nothing he could do against his deeply ingrained reluctance when it came to drawing any kind of attention to himself. And, to be honest, there were only a few more fail-safe ways of doing that, other than having an open conversation with someone like Kyungsoo. Not that the other boy had wanted to talk to him, there was no reason for that and Jongin had probably just imagined the fleeting flashes of recognition and curiosity in his eyes. After all, who would be curious about someone like Jongin? He had made an effort to stay under everyone’s radar as much as possible, and life wasn’t as movie-like as that he would actually catch the eye of the one person a horribly stubborn part of him just wouldn’t let him forget about.
His best friend Baekhyun often told him he would have no trouble fitting in with the 'in crowd' if he just dressed a little better and cut back on the bolting-as-soon-as-someone-he-didn’t-know-tried-to-talk-to-him-thing, but Jongin had always thought that was a load of crap. Not to mention that it didn’t sound like an appealing prospect at all. He liked his small, but close circle of friends, preferred his widely solitary lifestyle and even though he sometimes wished he were a little less awkward with people, being popular had honestly never appealed to him.
People were scary, easy as that, and having to make conversation with them was already intimidating enough, but talking to popular people? People that would make everyone else wonder what they were talking about or why they were talking to someone like him? That went far beyond intimidating and careened right into terrifying territory.
And speaking of terrifying…
Right then his best friend turned the corner, stormy glare on his face and shorter legs working furiously as he speed-stomped his way over to Jongin. But before Jongin could even open his mouth to give a greeting or ask what was wrong, Baekhyun was already talking, face actually managing to grow even darker with every word. The expression looked almost murderous and it was simply the fact that he knew his small friend was more bark than actual bite that kept him from taking a wary step back.
“I hate Kim Minseok. He can take his damn eye smiles, gaggle of admirers and black soul and go back to hell where he belongs!”
He had absolutely no idea how to reply to that, not just because he didn’t want to set off Baekhyun even more - if that was actually possible - but also because this was probably the first time he had heard someone give anything but the highest of praise to the senior. Yes, Baekhyun had always been wary of Minseok, but Jongin had never before seen him in such a state. He really wondered what had happened to set him off like that. So it was quite fortunate that Baekhyun didn’t require a reply or any encouragement to continue his ranting.
“I always had a suspicion he wasn’t nearly as perfect and nice as everyone made him out to be, but now I’m completely sure of it!”
It was obvious the older boy was trying to calm himself enough to deliver his story in a manner that didn’t make it seem as if he was overly rattled by whatever it was that had happened, but he wasn’t doing a very good job of it, starting to pace up and down in front of Jongin and flailing his arms in a clearly agitated manner to his words.
“You know how I’m helping Jongdae with his campaign, right? And Minseok knows it just as well. But just now he walks up to me with that infuriating smile and throws Chanyeol’s stupid slogan at me, before offering me one of those horrible, cheesy buttons. I told him ‘no, thank you’ as politely as possible, but does he get the hint? Of course not! Instead he smirks at me, gets all up in my personal space and before I know it he has the button pinned to my new sweater! Then he patted my butt and walked away. Whistling! He actually gropes me and walks away like some sleazy villain in a B-movie! I couldn’t even get a word out, I was so furious!”
Jongin watched as Baekhyun kept on pacing back and forth in front of him and even though he knew he was courting death, the younger just couldn’t hold back his next words.
“So are you actually upset about the manhandling or the fact that he managed to fluster you that easily?”
He knew by the way Baekhyun froze mid-step, wrathful eyes snapping towards him and lips thinning even more, that he had hit pretty close to home. He also realized that he really needed to work on that apparent death wish of his.
Jongin wasn’t sure if it was just his paranoia, but he had the feeling he saw Kyungsoo a lot more often during the following days. Between classes, in the cafeteria, on the bus stop and maybe even one time at the supermarket, although he wasn’t entirely sure about that last one. And for some crazy reason he had the feeling that Kyungsoo had been about to talk to him several of those times. The black-haired boy always seemed to have a smile ready for him, but in a way that almost looked… determined. It was worrisome on so many levels, one of them definitely the way his heart had leaped with every eye contact, so Jongin just kept on ducking out of the way and bolting into the other direction, in case it actually wasn’t just his overactive imagination. Because even though the probability of that was depressingly low, his motto had always been ‘better safe than sorry’ - and ‘do not piss off Byun Baekhyun’, but that hardly mattered at the moment.
Twice Baekhyun had caught him at it and given him that annoyingly knowing look, but the raise of Jongin’s eyebrow with a nod in Minseok’s direction, conveniently right beside Kyungsoo both times, had been enough to turn the superior expression into a disgruntled frown. It had also blessedly shut his friend up before he could say something and confront Jongin about his regular retreats.
Only once had he been caught completely unaware and unable to escape, but that happened during class, while the candidates for the election had been allowed to make their rounds to promote, a situation clearly out of his hands. As Chanyeol’s campaign managers, Kyungsoo and Minseok had been there of course, walking down the rows and handing out flyers, while Chanyeol gave a short speech that Jongin couldn’t recall for the life of him. All he remembered was that suddenly Kyungsoo had stood in front of his table and greeted him with a warm, too damn loud ‘Hey, Jongin!’, eyes turning into vague half-moons and lips pulling up into that - by now - familiar smile. He had mumbled out a nonsensical reply, slumped in his seat to the sounds of whispers starting up around them and refused to look anywhere but at Chanyeol or the teacher for the remainder of class, fingers never ceasing the excessive fiddling with his pen.
Jongin really wondered what had prompted Kyungsoo to single him out like that, as he circled back around the queue of students lining up to buy their lunch, now with a full tray of food balanced in his hands. He immediately quenched the tiny kindling of hope inside of him, knowing he would be foolish to even consider there being a bigger reason behind his friendly greeting. But still…
Sure, Kyungsoo was a generally nice person, even though he always appeared a bit more reserved next to his ridiculously outgoing friends, had smiled at everyone while handing out the flyers, but Jongin had been the only one he had talked to and it worried him. For one, considering his personality, he was really just naturally wary when it came to things like that. People could call him a worrier and paranoid - Baek did it all the time - but he and Kyungsoo were by no means close and Jongin had actively tried to keep his distance from everything that was Do Kyungsoo, in hopes of nipping his very hopeless, very unhealthy crush on the older boy in the bud. And then there was the fact that every time Kyungsoo so much as looked in his direction, leave alone talked to or smiled at him, he just couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, there could be more to it than even Jongin dared to believe 99% of the time.
He knew not to let his mind wander when he was walking, especially not when he was somewhere with a lot of people - also known as ‘potential obstacles’ - but that wasn’t always so easy when it came to a certain black-haired, wide-eyed boy. Jongin should have made more of an effort to watch where he was walking, though, because the next second a minor collision and the resulting rattling of his tray’s contents yanked him rudely out of his thoughts.
It was as if he had summoned him. For a crazy moment Jongin thought he might be imagining things, as hands closed around his own to steady the wobbling tray and that deep, smooth voice reached his ears.
“Careful.”
Gaze snapping up, he found himself looking right at Kyungsoo and his heart gave two twin lurches of panic and elation. As if it wasn’t already bad enough to just walk into someone because he wasn’t paying enough attention, it had to be him of all people. Karma was having its fun with him and Jongin wasn’t he least bit amused. Mostly because he felt himself turning red as a lobster in the face of the brilliant smile Kyungsoo was giving him. This was bad. This was really, really bad.
After months of staying as far away from Do Kyungsoo as possible, he was now standing directly in front of him, looking so handsome and inviting and like everything good in Jongin’s messed up life. And even though he knew it was a horrible idea, potentially disastrous, he found himself shifting just the tiniest bit closer, that strange, almost magnetic pull of the slightly older boy working its baffling magic again. He looked for signs of discomfort, a give-away that he would rather have Jongin taking a step away again, but all that happened was Kyungsoo tipping his head a little farther back so he could continue looking at Jongin’s face, instead of his bobbing adam’s apple.
“Hey, Jongin! Glad I ran into you here, quite literally.” Another peek of white teeth as he flashed a grin full of mirth up at him. “You’re one hard man to pin down, let me tell you that.”
“I… I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying enough attention to where I was going. I do that sometimes… all the time, actually. I’m really sorry for bumping into you.”
“Seriously, don’t worry about it. Like I said, I’m glad we ran into each other. I’ve been trying to talk to you for days, but it was like you disappeared into thin air every single time. If I didn’t know any better I’d think you’re running away from me, but there’s no reason for that, right?”
Oh shit.
Jongin really hoped he was just imagining the way Kyungsoo’s eyes flashed with the barest hint of insecurity, as he bit down on that full lower lip, because the one thing that might actually be worse than having a conversation with the older boy in front of everyone, was him thinking Jongin was actively avoiding him because he had something against him.
“Yeah… no reason.”
He really hoped he didn’t actually sound as unconvincing as he felt.
“You said you wanted to talk to me?”
“Oh, right! First of all…”, Kyungsoo began, giving a little start as if his thoughts had drifted somewhere else for a second, and began to rummage around in his bag, obviously looking for something. “Aha! Here.”
With that triumphant exclamation he held a vividly green button with the words ‘Vote Park Chanyeol’ written across it out to him, eyes flashing with a new emotion Jongin couldn’t quite place. All he knew was that it was sheer impossible to tear his eyes away, despite the colorful distraction of the bright button between them.
“Uhm… thanks? You do know that my friend Jongdae is running for school council president as well, right?”
Kyungsoo just waved that away with a careless flick of his wrist and Jongin was torn between following the motion with his eyes and continuing to stare at him.
“That doesn’t matter. Minseok even gave Baekhyun one of these and he’s Jongdae’s campaign manager. Chanyeol is very… determined.”
It seemed to Jongin that that word hadn’t been Kyugnsoo’s first choice, but he just couldn’t make any sense of the overly innocent expression on the smaller’s face.
“Yeah, Baekhyun mentioned it.”
He thought he had kept his voice carefully neutral, but apparently he was wrong, because suddenly Kyungsoo was laughing, clearly amused, and it had Jongin throwing a wary glance around. Which was definitely a mistake as he noticed several curious pairs of eyes looking in their direction, not even trying to hide the fact that they were openly staring at Kyungsoo and him. Jongin felt the bottom of his stomach drop at the realization, skin starting to crawl with the knowledge of all the unwanted attention on him.
“I bet he did.”
If possible Kyungsoo’s voice was even more appealing than before, chuckle still buried in there and amusement making it warmer than it already was. Some time later he would rack his brain over the way it had so easily distracted him, but right then and there all that registered was that the wish to keep him talking was completely overpowering his need to escape.
“Anyway, just because Jongdae is your friend doesn’t mean he’s the best choice, right?”
“Uhm…”
He really, really needed to stop saying that like some brain-dead Neandertal, but his awkwardness was kicking in with full force again, mind going completely blank as he just stared at Kyungsoo giving him what had to be his most winning smile. Luckily it didn’t seem to bother the older boy in the least.
“It’s a shame I have to meet my friends in five minutes, but why don’t you let me buy you lunch tomorrow and we’ll eat together while I try to convince you to vote for Chanyeol?”
He wasn’t even sure what made him say it. Maybe it was the way he could practically feel the stares boring into the back of his head, or the fact that he always felt so on edge whenever he was around Kyungsoo, or maybe it were simply his stellar conversational skills making an unwelcome appearance again. But whatever it was, he really hoped it was never going to happen again.
„Are you trying to vote-buy?”
That had the other’s brows drawing together in momentary confusion, gaze unsure as he blinked up at Jongin, before realization seemed to hit and his mouth and eyes widened in shock.
“What? No!”
The clear outrage on the smaller’s face told Jongin he had obviously been wrong with his suspicion and it didn’t take long before he realized he had just accused Kyungsoo of trying to cheat in the election. It made him want to find a hole, crawl in there and never come back out. But before he could even convince his frozen body to move, Kyungsoo was already talking again and as he was starting to realize, it seemed nearly impossible not to pay complete attention to that deep, mesmerizing voice.
“What do you take me for? Besides, I leave that kind of campaigning to Chanyeol. He’s more than happy to provide people with certain… favors, if you know what I mean.”
For a few moments Jongin was entirely too distracted by the amused, almost mischievous look on Kyungsoo’s face, but then the words registered - he might be the epitome of socially awkward, but that didn’t mean he was completely clueless - and he felt heat shooting to his face.
“I… he… oh.”
He sounded like a complete idiot - not that that was actually anything new - and told himself to stuff it before he could possibly humiliate himself some more. Clamping his mouth shut, he risked a quick glance at the other boy and found himself briefly forgetting that he wasn’t supposed to stare as he tried to decipher the look on that upturned face. Losing his deeply ingrained apprehension for a short moment he almost took a step closer as he realized the other looked a bit like Baekhyun did whenever he was talking about little puppies or his month old nephew - a little dazed, a little amused and with an almost doting shine to his eyes. It definitely wasn’t how people usually reacted when Jongin behaved like the socially challenged dolt he was and it was intriguing and disconcerting at the same time.
But before he could make even more of an idiot out of himself, Baekhyun was suddenly right beside him, “Hi, Kyungsoo. Bye, Kyungsoo. No consorting with the competition, Jongin”, closing his hand around his arm and starting to pull him away. He could have kissed his best friend right then and there, completely ignoring the tiny pinch of disappointment, as he let himself be dragged towards the table where Jongdae was already waiting for them, watching the whole scene with a raised eyebrow. Still, he couldn’t quite keep himself from turning his head to look at Kyungsoo standing there, blinking confusedly and looking the opposite of happy. It was only then that Jongin realized how rude it was to just up and leave in the middle of a conversation - no matter how hard it had been to keep at least a tiny sliver of composure. Not wanting to appear completely without manners, Jongin tentatively raised his free hand and gave a short, little wave. The effect was surprising, to say the least.
Kyungsoo gave a little jerk, before his deep frown melted into a smile that had Jongin feeling equal parts thrilled and despairing, because he desperately wanted it to mean something it surely didn’t. The smaller’s responding finger wave and almost thoughtful expression slipping onto his face left Jongin with the impression that this wasn’t going to be the end of it.
And he had been right.
Just a few days later, with their science teachers away on some sort of state wide conference, Jongin had a free period right before lunch and opposed to most of his other classmates, Jongin decided to spend it in the library, the one place in school that had always been a sort of refuge for him, and get a head start on his homework. But it was a bit hard to concentrate on his schoolwork, when thoughts of heart-shaped smiles and carefully fleeting touches were on constant replay in his mind.
Somehow - he honestly was at a complete loss how - he had actually ended up having lunch with Kyungsoo the day after that memorable conversation. One second he had stepped foot into the cafeteria, entirely unsuspecting, and the next he was suddenly following Kyungsoo to his table, clutching Baekhyun and Jongdae’s arms like they were his only lifelines. He thought he had detected a tiny frown on Kyungsoo’s forehead when Jongin, following the elder’s invitation to join him for lunch, had immediately pulled his two best friends along, but it was gone so fast, he might have just imagined the entire thing. In turn Chanyeol and Minseok had joined their group within minutes of sitting down at one of the larger tables and Jongin could honestly say it had been the most nerve-wrecking and bizarre lunch of his entire life. With Chanyeol and Jongdae carefully eyeing each other across the table, Baekhyun responding to all of Minseok’s quick grins with deep, disapproving frowns and Jongin torn between making himself as small as possible and stealing as many hidden glances at Kyungsoo as he thought he could get away with, it had been… intense. And he wasn’t even talking about the unbearable amount of glances their unlikely group had attracted. He didn’t think any of the others had noticed, but Jongin certainly had.
On top of that the last few days had been a true trial for his self-control and abraded nerves. Recognizing it as a lost battle, Jongin had given up on trying to avoid Kyungsoo. For one, it really wasn’t what he wanted anyway and for another, it just seemed like an impossible feat. The older boy seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to Jongin, turning around, looking up or downright running into him, to cheerfully greet or wave at him whenever they so much as set foot into the same room or hallway. At the same time Jongin found himself in the same situations several times. It was just a kind of knowing, a not unpleasant prickling at the back of his neck, and whenever he raised his head or turned around, he would see Kyungsoo leaning at his locker and laughing with his friends or meet his glance across the room.
But even more disconcerting than that were the little touches Jongin was entirely incapable of not noticing. A fleeting brush of the elder’s hand over his arm when they passed each other on their way to their respective classes, a friendly pat on the shoulder and that one utterly staggering moment, when Kyungsoo had stroked Jongin’s fringe out of his forehead, obviously distracted by the way it had fallen over his brows. Every touch had Jongin torn between moving into the brief brushes of skin like a touch-starved kitten and fear that somebody would notice.
Where his days had been the same safe and quiet routine before, staying on the outskirts, spending time with his friends and just waiting for the time he wasn’t constantly surrounded by all these people he didn’t know, he now found himself in a constant state of breathless anticipation. It was exhilarating and exhausting at the same and Jongin wasn’t sure if he even wanted it to stop.
„Is that seat taken?“
Jongin’s hand froze mid-word at the quiet query, body going completely motionless where he was sitting at one of the more secluded library tables. Feeling that faint tingle spreading inside of him, his mind immediately provided a picture of big, curious eyes and full lips to the familiar voice, as he slowly raised his head, unsure if he wanted his hunch to be confirmed or proven wrong. He still wasn’t sure what exactly he felt as his eyes traveled up the length of a slender body dressed in black jeans and a blue and grey striped shirt, to land on a face that had become so familiar over the last few days, the image remained even when the older boy wasn’t standing right in front of him.
Right then Chanyeol’s campaign manager was standing with one hand braced on the back of the chair opposite Jongin’s, head tilted slightly to the side as he patiently waited for an answer. It took him a few seconds to remember the question, but when he did he found himself nodding as if he were a puppet on a string, no apparent control over his body as he simply reacted.
On a rational level Jongin knew it was ridiculous to feel this nervous or excited or whatever he was supposed to call the tangle of emotions he was currently experiencing.
We’re in the library, it’s not as if Kyungsoo’s going to start an actual conversation.
And even if he did, no one was paying attention. The other students were focused on their books or had their eyes glued to the glowing screens of their phones. But still, it didn’t keep the usual discomforting feeling of apprehension and the wish to raise his head until he could just look at Kyungsoo as much as he wanted, from crawling up his spine and settling at his nape like a persistent, burning itch.
Determined, he kept his eyes glued to the page in front of him, fingers gripping the pen in his hand with way more force than necessary, but his concentration was shot. The lines of his history textbook started swimming in front of his eyes, words blurring together until trying to make sense of them became a complete impossibility. It wasn’t until several torturous moments later that his control snapped and he risked a fleeting glance at Kyungsoo. He felt himself jump in his seat as his eyes met the elder’s gaze. Kyungsoo was looking at him straight on, chin propped on his hand and gaze steady, but thoughtful while he watched Jongin. The younger swallowed reflexively, throat dry and tight like it always was in the other’s company and it didn’t help that Kyungsoo’s eyes followed the slight movement with unsettling focus.
“You seem really tense, even though you were definitely fine when I first saw you sitting here. Are you feeling that uncomfortable with me around?”
He sounded puzzled, not exactly hurt, but definitely confused at Jongin’s seeming reluctance to be in his company and it made Jongin feel horrible. He had no idea how to explain to the older boy that he didn’t have anything against him, that he was simply really, really bad when it came to social interactions, especially with people that already made him as nervous as Kyungsoo did. But as usual words failed him as he watched Kyungsoo’s expression fall even more when Jongin didn’t deny him being the cause of his discomfort. He watched the small wrinkle appear between Kyungsoo’s brows, noticed those full lips lose the slight, but ever-present curling at their corners and realized with a heavy feeling in his gut that trepidation was rapidly replacing the curiosity in those big eyes. He had never seen that forlorn look on the senior’s face before. And to be honest, he would have preferred for it to stay that way.
He might not be good with people, but even he could tell that that face wasn’t meant to carry such an expression and he had certainly never wanted to be the person to put it there. Smiles, scowls, looks of complete concentration, that was what it was made for.
“I’m sorry if I did something to offend you or make you feel uncomfortable, I didn’t mean to-“
“No!”
It wasn’t until the exclamation slipped out, way too loud for the library and sounding just panicked enough to be humiliating, especially with the way his voice almost cracked in his haste, that he realized his body had reacted too fast for caution to keep up. In return it hit him just a second later, powerful as ever, as if to make up for the lost opportunity.
Kyungsoo’s eyes were even bigger than usual, staring at him in surprise, and suddenly Jongin was talking again, desperate to at least clear the air about this. He should probably just outright tell him what his problem was, because even if it was going to make him sound like a complete wimp, he had the feeling Kyungsoo would understand.
“That’s not it. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re great, I think you’re really wonderful, it’s just that…”
And that was when he realized what he had just blurted out. He cut himself off with a strangled sound caught somewhere between a gargle and whimper and as he met Kyungsoo’s completely perplexed stare, he knew his face was rapidly draining of all color. Or he would have known if his mind hadn’t gone completely blank with flaring panic.
He hadn’t just called him great and wonderful to his face, had he? Jongin might as well just have told the elder all about his undying crush and offered him a perfumed love letter covered in pink, little hearts.
Please, tell me I didn’t just say that aloud. Please, please, please, PLEASE!
“Jongin…”
The surprised, tentative sound of Kyungsoo’s voice was like a shot going off in his ears. With nothing but the knowledge that he had to get away, get away fast, he shoved up from his seat, chair scraping back with a jarring sound, but this one time Jongin didn’t even care.
“I… I have to go.”
With that he frantically picked up his books, not even bothering with the pen still lying on the table or putting his stuff into his bag. He just clutched everything to his chest, turned around and all but sprinted out of the library. Jongin heard Kyungsoo call out his name a second time, urgent and on the brink of imploring, but nothing - absolutely nothing - could have made him stop.
Title: Popular Vote
Pairings: Kai/D.O, Baekhyun/Xiumin
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 10,300
Summary: Kyungsoo might not get Jongin’s vote, but that’s okay. He’s after something entirely different anyway.
Author’s Note: The most heartfelt thanks to A for the endless support and E for beta-ing this fic. Dear recipient (and everyone else), I hope you enjoy this.
There was a cluster of people right in front of the school entrance as Jongin dragged himself up the short flight of stairs, mind still hazy with sleep, even though it had been more than an hour since he rolled out of bed to the insistent blaring of his alarm. But then sleepiness was basically his default state, so Jongin had learned to live with it and keep running into or stumbling over things to a bare minimum. And even though he felt the slight prick of curiosity at the unusual gathering of students this early in the day, his deep-rooted instinct to avoid these kind of scenes had him steering away from the loudly chattering group. That was when he heard the loud, booming voice rising over the jumbled patter.
“Vote Park Chanyeol for class president! You know you want to!”
That last part elicited a round of laughter and high-pitched giggles and even Jongin found himself stifling an amused snort. Despite the obnoxious volume of his voice and clear hyper-activeness, there was just something strangely likeable, about Park Chanyeol. It was close to impossible not to pay attention to him and be anything but charmed by his puppy-like character. Which was probably why it took him one step too long to notice the smaller form breaking away from the bustle of people and stepping directly into his path.
He got the image of full lips pulled into an easy smile, black, soft-looking hair and the biggest, most inviting eyes he had ever seen. Eyes that were focusing on him and it almost looked as if he was about to address Jongin. For a crazy second he actually considered stopping and finding out, but then sanity caught up with him and he forcedly snapped his head around, focusing on speeding up his steps until he could push through the milky glass doors into the air-conditioned hallway of his high school.
He felt unusually winded and not even the walk to his locker was enough to shake the strange feeling. He knew that face well, had seen it often enough around school and thought there probably wasn’t a student who hadn’t. Everyone knew Do Kyungsoo or had at least heard of him. Do Kyungsoo, Park Chanyeol and Kim Minseok, three very unlikely best friends, three boys that seemed to be the only topic of conversation around school. Park Chanyeol, part of the basketball team, tall, loud, with way too much energy and a big, bordering on goofy smile. Kim Minseok, the epitome of a social butterfly, with his smooth manners and that biting, but good-natured sense of humor. And then there was Do Kyungsoo, editor of the school paper, a lot more quiet than his two friends, but with the kind of unassuming charm that drew people in droves.
It had pulled at Jongin as well, that one time they had worked on a project together during the last school year. Only his persistent caution and wariness when it came to befriending new people, especially those that drew everyone’s attention so naturally, had kept him at a constant safe distance, even after falling hopelessly for the older boy. Put together in a group with two other classmates who had been at each other’s throats more than they had worked on their science project, Kyungsoo had easily taken charge. His friendly, but calm personality had soothed away Jongin’s automatic cautiousness, had pulled him in so steadily he had barely understood what was happening. And still, or probably because of that, Jongin had made an effort not to cross paths with Kyungsoo after they had finished their project, made a lot easier by the fact that they had literally no classes together this year. It wasn’t that much of an impossibility at a school with as many students as theirs, but Jongin had still taken it as a sign. A sign to ignore the low simmer of attraction and make himself disappear every time he so much as caught sight of the older boy. It was important for him to remember that someone like Kyungsoo would never be interested in a no-name like Jongin and save himself a lot of pain and disappointment by staying away from Do Kyungsoo, like he did from almost everyone else.
And it was the right thing to do, because even now, after nothing more than the most fleeting meeting of their gazes, Jongin felt the hot bubbling of embarrassment and welling of crippling shyness. It was something he had warred with for years and eventually admitted defeat to. There was simply nothing he could do against his deeply ingrained reluctance when it came to drawing any kind of attention to himself. And, to be honest, there were only a few more fail-safe ways of doing that, other than having an open conversation with someone like Kyungsoo. Not that the other boy had wanted to talk to him, there was no reason for that and Jongin had probably just imagined the fleeting flashes of recognition and curiosity in his eyes. After all, who would be curious about someone like Jongin? He had made an effort to stay under everyone’s radar as much as possible, and life wasn’t as movie-like as that he would actually catch the eye of the one person a horribly stubborn part of him just wouldn’t let him forget about.
His best friend Baekhyun often told him he would have no trouble fitting in with the 'in crowd' if he just dressed a little better and cut back on the bolting-as-soon-as-someone-he-didn’t-know-tried-to-talk-to-him-thing, but Jongin had always thought that was a load of crap. Not to mention that it didn’t sound like an appealing prospect at all. He liked his small, but close circle of friends, preferred his widely solitary lifestyle and even though he sometimes wished he were a little less awkward with people, being popular had honestly never appealed to him.
People were scary, easy as that, and having to make conversation with them was already intimidating enough, but talking to popular people? People that would make everyone else wonder what they were talking about or why they were talking to someone like him? That went far beyond intimidating and careened right into terrifying territory.
And speaking of terrifying…
Right then his best friend turned the corner, stormy glare on his face and shorter legs working furiously as he speed-stomped his way over to Jongin. But before Jongin could even open his mouth to give a greeting or ask what was wrong, Baekhyun was already talking, face actually managing to grow even darker with every word. The expression looked almost murderous and it was simply the fact that he knew his small friend was more bark than actual bite that kept him from taking a wary step back.
“I hate Kim Minseok. He can take his damn eye smiles, gaggle of admirers and black soul and go back to hell where he belongs!”
He had absolutely no idea how to reply to that, not just because he didn’t want to set off Baekhyun even more - if that was actually possible - but also because this was probably the first time he had heard someone give anything but the highest of praise to the senior. Yes, Baekhyun had always been wary of Minseok, but Jongin had never before seen him in such a state. He really wondered what had happened to set him off like that. So it was quite fortunate that Baekhyun didn’t require a reply or any encouragement to continue his ranting.
“I always had a suspicion he wasn’t nearly as perfect and nice as everyone made him out to be, but now I’m completely sure of it!”
It was obvious the older boy was trying to calm himself enough to deliver his story in a manner that didn’t make it seem as if he was overly rattled by whatever it was that had happened, but he wasn’t doing a very good job of it, starting to pace up and down in front of Jongin and flailing his arms in a clearly agitated manner to his words.
“You know how I’m helping Jongdae with his campaign, right? And Minseok knows it just as well. But just now he walks up to me with that infuriating smile and throws Chanyeol’s stupid slogan at me, before offering me one of those horrible, cheesy buttons. I told him ‘no, thank you’ as politely as possible, but does he get the hint? Of course not! Instead he smirks at me, gets all up in my personal space and before I know it he has the button pinned to my new sweater! Then he patted my butt and walked away. Whistling! He actually gropes me and walks away like some sleazy villain in a B-movie! I couldn’t even get a word out, I was so furious!”
Jongin watched as Baekhyun kept on pacing back and forth in front of him and even though he knew he was courting death, the younger just couldn’t hold back his next words.
“So are you actually upset about the manhandling or the fact that he managed to fluster you that easily?”
He knew by the way Baekhyun froze mid-step, wrathful eyes snapping towards him and lips thinning even more, that he had hit pretty close to home. He also realized that he really needed to work on that apparent death wish of his.
Jongin wasn’t sure if it was just his paranoia, but he had the feeling he saw Kyungsoo a lot more often during the following days. Between classes, in the cafeteria, on the bus stop and maybe even one time at the supermarket, although he wasn’t entirely sure about that last one. And for some crazy reason he had the feeling that Kyungsoo had been about to talk to him several of those times. The black-haired boy always seemed to have a smile ready for him, but in a way that almost looked… determined. It was worrisome on so many levels, one of them definitely the way his heart had leaped with every eye contact, so Jongin just kept on ducking out of the way and bolting into the other direction, in case it actually wasn’t just his overactive imagination. Because even though the probability of that was depressingly low, his motto had always been ‘better safe than sorry’ - and ‘do not piss off Byun Baekhyun’, but that hardly mattered at the moment.
Twice Baekhyun had caught him at it and given him that annoyingly knowing look, but the raise of Jongin’s eyebrow with a nod in Minseok’s direction, conveniently right beside Kyungsoo both times, had been enough to turn the superior expression into a disgruntled frown. It had also blessedly shut his friend up before he could say something and confront Jongin about his regular retreats.
Only once had he been caught completely unaware and unable to escape, but that happened during class, while the candidates for the election had been allowed to make their rounds to promote, a situation clearly out of his hands. As Chanyeol’s campaign managers, Kyungsoo and Minseok had been there of course, walking down the rows and handing out flyers, while Chanyeol gave a short speech that Jongin couldn’t recall for the life of him. All he remembered was that suddenly Kyungsoo had stood in front of his table and greeted him with a warm, too damn loud ‘Hey, Jongin!’, eyes turning into vague half-moons and lips pulling up into that - by now - familiar smile. He had mumbled out a nonsensical reply, slumped in his seat to the sounds of whispers starting up around them and refused to look anywhere but at Chanyeol or the teacher for the remainder of class, fingers never ceasing the excessive fiddling with his pen.
Jongin really wondered what had prompted Kyungsoo to single him out like that, as he circled back around the queue of students lining up to buy their lunch, now with a full tray of food balanced in his hands. He immediately quenched the tiny kindling of hope inside of him, knowing he would be foolish to even consider there being a bigger reason behind his friendly greeting. But still…
Sure, Kyungsoo was a generally nice person, even though he always appeared a bit more reserved next to his ridiculously outgoing friends, had smiled at everyone while handing out the flyers, but Jongin had been the only one he had talked to and it worried him. For one, considering his personality, he was really just naturally wary when it came to things like that. People could call him a worrier and paranoid - Baek did it all the time - but he and Kyungsoo were by no means close and Jongin had actively tried to keep his distance from everything that was Do Kyungsoo, in hopes of nipping his very hopeless, very unhealthy crush on the older boy in the bud. And then there was the fact that every time Kyungsoo so much as looked in his direction, leave alone talked to or smiled at him, he just couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, there could be more to it than even Jongin dared to believe 99% of the time.
He knew not to let his mind wander when he was walking, especially not when he was somewhere with a lot of people - also known as ‘potential obstacles’ - but that wasn’t always so easy when it came to a certain black-haired, wide-eyed boy. Jongin should have made more of an effort to watch where he was walking, though, because the next second a minor collision and the resulting rattling of his tray’s contents yanked him rudely out of his thoughts.
It was as if he had summoned him. For a crazy moment Jongin thought he might be imagining things, as hands closed around his own to steady the wobbling tray and that deep, smooth voice reached his ears.
“Careful.”
Gaze snapping up, he found himself looking right at Kyungsoo and his heart gave two twin lurches of panic and elation. As if it wasn’t already bad enough to just walk into someone because he wasn’t paying enough attention, it had to be him of all people. Karma was having its fun with him and Jongin wasn’t he least bit amused. Mostly because he felt himself turning red as a lobster in the face of the brilliant smile Kyungsoo was giving him. This was bad. This was really, really bad.
After months of staying as far away from Do Kyungsoo as possible, he was now standing directly in front of him, looking so handsome and inviting and like everything good in Jongin’s messed up life. And even though he knew it was a horrible idea, potentially disastrous, he found himself shifting just the tiniest bit closer, that strange, almost magnetic pull of the slightly older boy working its baffling magic again. He looked for signs of discomfort, a give-away that he would rather have Jongin taking a step away again, but all that happened was Kyungsoo tipping his head a little farther back so he could continue looking at Jongin’s face, instead of his bobbing adam’s apple.
“Hey, Jongin! Glad I ran into you here, quite literally.” Another peek of white teeth as he flashed a grin full of mirth up at him. “You’re one hard man to pin down, let me tell you that.”
“I… I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying enough attention to where I was going. I do that sometimes… all the time, actually. I’m really sorry for bumping into you.”
“Seriously, don’t worry about it. Like I said, I’m glad we ran into each other. I’ve been trying to talk to you for days, but it was like you disappeared into thin air every single time. If I didn’t know any better I’d think you’re running away from me, but there’s no reason for that, right?”
Oh shit.
Jongin really hoped he was just imagining the way Kyungsoo’s eyes flashed with the barest hint of insecurity, as he bit down on that full lower lip, because the one thing that might actually be worse than having a conversation with the older boy in front of everyone, was him thinking Jongin was actively avoiding him because he had something against him.
“Yeah… no reason.”
He really hoped he didn’t actually sound as unconvincing as he felt.
“You said you wanted to talk to me?”
“Oh, right! First of all…”, Kyungsoo began, giving a little start as if his thoughts had drifted somewhere else for a second, and began to rummage around in his bag, obviously looking for something. “Aha! Here.”
With that triumphant exclamation he held a vividly green button with the words ‘Vote Park Chanyeol’ written across it out to him, eyes flashing with a new emotion Jongin couldn’t quite place. All he knew was that it was sheer impossible to tear his eyes away, despite the colorful distraction of the bright button between them.
“Uhm… thanks? You do know that my friend Jongdae is running for school council president as well, right?”
Kyungsoo just waved that away with a careless flick of his wrist and Jongin was torn between following the motion with his eyes and continuing to stare at him.
“That doesn’t matter. Minseok even gave Baekhyun one of these and he’s Jongdae’s campaign manager. Chanyeol is very… determined.”
It seemed to Jongin that that word hadn’t been Kyugnsoo’s first choice, but he just couldn’t make any sense of the overly innocent expression on the smaller’s face.
“Yeah, Baekhyun mentioned it.”
He thought he had kept his voice carefully neutral, but apparently he was wrong, because suddenly Kyungsoo was laughing, clearly amused, and it had Jongin throwing a wary glance around. Which was definitely a mistake as he noticed several curious pairs of eyes looking in their direction, not even trying to hide the fact that they were openly staring at Kyungsoo and him. Jongin felt the bottom of his stomach drop at the realization, skin starting to crawl with the knowledge of all the unwanted attention on him.
“I bet he did.”
If possible Kyungsoo’s voice was even more appealing than before, chuckle still buried in there and amusement making it warmer than it already was. Some time later he would rack his brain over the way it had so easily distracted him, but right then and there all that registered was that the wish to keep him talking was completely overpowering his need to escape.
“Anyway, just because Jongdae is your friend doesn’t mean he’s the best choice, right?”
“Uhm…”
He really, really needed to stop saying that like some brain-dead Neandertal, but his awkwardness was kicking in with full force again, mind going completely blank as he just stared at Kyungsoo giving him what had to be his most winning smile. Luckily it didn’t seem to bother the older boy in the least.
“It’s a shame I have to meet my friends in five minutes, but why don’t you let me buy you lunch tomorrow and we’ll eat together while I try to convince you to vote for Chanyeol?”
He wasn’t even sure what made him say it. Maybe it was the way he could practically feel the stares boring into the back of his head, or the fact that he always felt so on edge whenever he was around Kyungsoo, or maybe it were simply his stellar conversational skills making an unwelcome appearance again. But whatever it was, he really hoped it was never going to happen again.
„Are you trying to vote-buy?”
That had the other’s brows drawing together in momentary confusion, gaze unsure as he blinked up at Jongin, before realization seemed to hit and his mouth and eyes widened in shock.
“What? No!”
The clear outrage on the smaller’s face told Jongin he had obviously been wrong with his suspicion and it didn’t take long before he realized he had just accused Kyungsoo of trying to cheat in the election. It made him want to find a hole, crawl in there and never come back out. But before he could even convince his frozen body to move, Kyungsoo was already talking again and as he was starting to realize, it seemed nearly impossible not to pay complete attention to that deep, mesmerizing voice.
“What do you take me for? Besides, I leave that kind of campaigning to Chanyeol. He’s more than happy to provide people with certain… favors, if you know what I mean.”
For a few moments Jongin was entirely too distracted by the amused, almost mischievous look on Kyungsoo’s face, but then the words registered - he might be the epitome of socially awkward, but that didn’t mean he was completely clueless - and he felt heat shooting to his face.
“I… he… oh.”
He sounded like a complete idiot - not that that was actually anything new - and told himself to stuff it before he could possibly humiliate himself some more. Clamping his mouth shut, he risked a quick glance at the other boy and found himself briefly forgetting that he wasn’t supposed to stare as he tried to decipher the look on that upturned face. Losing his deeply ingrained apprehension for a short moment he almost took a step closer as he realized the other looked a bit like Baekhyun did whenever he was talking about little puppies or his month old nephew - a little dazed, a little amused and with an almost doting shine to his eyes. It definitely wasn’t how people usually reacted when Jongin behaved like the socially challenged dolt he was and it was intriguing and disconcerting at the same time.
But before he could make even more of an idiot out of himself, Baekhyun was suddenly right beside him, “Hi, Kyungsoo. Bye, Kyungsoo. No consorting with the competition, Jongin”, closing his hand around his arm and starting to pull him away. He could have kissed his best friend right then and there, completely ignoring the tiny pinch of disappointment, as he let himself be dragged towards the table where Jongdae was already waiting for them, watching the whole scene with a raised eyebrow. Still, he couldn’t quite keep himself from turning his head to look at Kyungsoo standing there, blinking confusedly and looking the opposite of happy. It was only then that Jongin realized how rude it was to just up and leave in the middle of a conversation - no matter how hard it had been to keep at least a tiny sliver of composure. Not wanting to appear completely without manners, Jongin tentatively raised his free hand and gave a short, little wave. The effect was surprising, to say the least.
Kyungsoo gave a little jerk, before his deep frown melted into a smile that had Jongin feeling equal parts thrilled and despairing, because he desperately wanted it to mean something it surely didn’t. The smaller’s responding finger wave and almost thoughtful expression slipping onto his face left Jongin with the impression that this wasn’t going to be the end of it.
And he had been right.
Just a few days later, with their science teachers away on some sort of state wide conference, Jongin had a free period right before lunch and opposed to most of his other classmates, Jongin decided to spend it in the library, the one place in school that had always been a sort of refuge for him, and get a head start on his homework. But it was a bit hard to concentrate on his schoolwork, when thoughts of heart-shaped smiles and carefully fleeting touches were on constant replay in his mind.
Somehow - he honestly was at a complete loss how - he had actually ended up having lunch with Kyungsoo the day after that memorable conversation. One second he had stepped foot into the cafeteria, entirely unsuspecting, and the next he was suddenly following Kyungsoo to his table, clutching Baekhyun and Jongdae’s arms like they were his only lifelines. He thought he had detected a tiny frown on Kyungsoo’s forehead when Jongin, following the elder’s invitation to join him for lunch, had immediately pulled his two best friends along, but it was gone so fast, he might have just imagined the entire thing. In turn Chanyeol and Minseok had joined their group within minutes of sitting down at one of the larger tables and Jongin could honestly say it had been the most nerve-wrecking and bizarre lunch of his entire life. With Chanyeol and Jongdae carefully eyeing each other across the table, Baekhyun responding to all of Minseok’s quick grins with deep, disapproving frowns and Jongin torn between making himself as small as possible and stealing as many hidden glances at Kyungsoo as he thought he could get away with, it had been… intense. And he wasn’t even talking about the unbearable amount of glances their unlikely group had attracted. He didn’t think any of the others had noticed, but Jongin certainly had.
On top of that the last few days had been a true trial for his self-control and abraded nerves. Recognizing it as a lost battle, Jongin had given up on trying to avoid Kyungsoo. For one, it really wasn’t what he wanted anyway and for another, it just seemed like an impossible feat. The older boy seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to Jongin, turning around, looking up or downright running into him, to cheerfully greet or wave at him whenever they so much as set foot into the same room or hallway. At the same time Jongin found himself in the same situations several times. It was just a kind of knowing, a not unpleasant prickling at the back of his neck, and whenever he raised his head or turned around, he would see Kyungsoo leaning at his locker and laughing with his friends or meet his glance across the room.
But even more disconcerting than that were the little touches Jongin was entirely incapable of not noticing. A fleeting brush of the elder’s hand over his arm when they passed each other on their way to their respective classes, a friendly pat on the shoulder and that one utterly staggering moment, when Kyungsoo had stroked Jongin’s fringe out of his forehead, obviously distracted by the way it had fallen over his brows. Every touch had Jongin torn between moving into the brief brushes of skin like a touch-starved kitten and fear that somebody would notice.
Where his days had been the same safe and quiet routine before, staying on the outskirts, spending time with his friends and just waiting for the time he wasn’t constantly surrounded by all these people he didn’t know, he now found himself in a constant state of breathless anticipation. It was exhilarating and exhausting at the same and Jongin wasn’t sure if he even wanted it to stop.
„Is that seat taken?“
Jongin’s hand froze mid-word at the quiet query, body going completely motionless where he was sitting at one of the more secluded library tables. Feeling that faint tingle spreading inside of him, his mind immediately provided a picture of big, curious eyes and full lips to the familiar voice, as he slowly raised his head, unsure if he wanted his hunch to be confirmed or proven wrong. He still wasn’t sure what exactly he felt as his eyes traveled up the length of a slender body dressed in black jeans and a blue and grey striped shirt, to land on a face that had become so familiar over the last few days, the image remained even when the older boy wasn’t standing right in front of him.
Right then Chanyeol’s campaign manager was standing with one hand braced on the back of the chair opposite Jongin’s, head tilted slightly to the side as he patiently waited for an answer. It took him a few seconds to remember the question, but when he did he found himself nodding as if he were a puppet on a string, no apparent control over his body as he simply reacted.
On a rational level Jongin knew it was ridiculous to feel this nervous or excited or whatever he was supposed to call the tangle of emotions he was currently experiencing.
We’re in the library, it’s not as if Kyungsoo’s going to start an actual conversation.
And even if he did, no one was paying attention. The other students were focused on their books or had their eyes glued to the glowing screens of their phones. But still, it didn’t keep the usual discomforting feeling of apprehension and the wish to raise his head until he could just look at Kyungsoo as much as he wanted, from crawling up his spine and settling at his nape like a persistent, burning itch.
Determined, he kept his eyes glued to the page in front of him, fingers gripping the pen in his hand with way more force than necessary, but his concentration was shot. The lines of his history textbook started swimming in front of his eyes, words blurring together until trying to make sense of them became a complete impossibility. It wasn’t until several torturous moments later that his control snapped and he risked a fleeting glance at Kyungsoo. He felt himself jump in his seat as his eyes met the elder’s gaze. Kyungsoo was looking at him straight on, chin propped on his hand and gaze steady, but thoughtful while he watched Jongin. The younger swallowed reflexively, throat dry and tight like it always was in the other’s company and it didn’t help that Kyungsoo’s eyes followed the slight movement with unsettling focus.
“You seem really tense, even though you were definitely fine when I first saw you sitting here. Are you feeling that uncomfortable with me around?”
He sounded puzzled, not exactly hurt, but definitely confused at Jongin’s seeming reluctance to be in his company and it made Jongin feel horrible. He had no idea how to explain to the older boy that he didn’t have anything against him, that he was simply really, really bad when it came to social interactions, especially with people that already made him as nervous as Kyungsoo did. But as usual words failed him as he watched Kyungsoo’s expression fall even more when Jongin didn’t deny him being the cause of his discomfort. He watched the small wrinkle appear between Kyungsoo’s brows, noticed those full lips lose the slight, but ever-present curling at their corners and realized with a heavy feeling in his gut that trepidation was rapidly replacing the curiosity in those big eyes. He had never seen that forlorn look on the senior’s face before. And to be honest, he would have preferred for it to stay that way.
He might not be good with people, but even he could tell that that face wasn’t meant to carry such an expression and he had certainly never wanted to be the person to put it there. Smiles, scowls, looks of complete concentration, that was what it was made for.
“I’m sorry if I did something to offend you or make you feel uncomfortable, I didn’t mean to-“
“No!”
It wasn’t until the exclamation slipped out, way too loud for the library and sounding just panicked enough to be humiliating, especially with the way his voice almost cracked in his haste, that he realized his body had reacted too fast for caution to keep up. In return it hit him just a second later, powerful as ever, as if to make up for the lost opportunity.
Kyungsoo’s eyes were even bigger than usual, staring at him in surprise, and suddenly Jongin was talking again, desperate to at least clear the air about this. He should probably just outright tell him what his problem was, because even if it was going to make him sound like a complete wimp, he had the feeling Kyungsoo would understand.
“That’s not it. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re great, I think you’re really wonderful, it’s just that…”
And that was when he realized what he had just blurted out. He cut himself off with a strangled sound caught somewhere between a gargle and whimper and as he met Kyungsoo’s completely perplexed stare, he knew his face was rapidly draining of all color. Or he would have known if his mind hadn’t gone completely blank with flaring panic.
He hadn’t just called him great and wonderful to his face, had he? Jongin might as well just have told the elder all about his undying crush and offered him a perfumed love letter covered in pink, little hearts.
Please, tell me I didn’t just say that aloud. Please, please, please, PLEASE!
“Jongin…”
The surprised, tentative sound of Kyungsoo’s voice was like a shot going off in his ears. With nothing but the knowledge that he had to get away, get away fast, he shoved up from his seat, chair scraping back with a jarring sound, but this one time Jongin didn’t even care.
“I… I have to go.”
With that he frantically picked up his books, not even bothering with the pen still lying on the table or putting his stuff into his bag. He just clutched everything to his chest, turned around and all but sprinted out of the library. Jongin heard Kyungsoo call out his name a second time, urgent and on the brink of imploring, but nothing - absolutely nothing - could have made him stop.