(for yuki_rvclw) Popular Vote - Part 2 of 2
For: yuki_rvclw
Title: Popular Vote
News about the incident travelled even faster than Jongin had dreaded. By the time last period came around the entire school seemed to have heard about Do Kyungsoo publicly ‘arguing’ with the quiet kid - that would be him - and for once it wasn’t Jongin’s paranoia playing tricks on him. This time people actually were watching him wherever he went and it was the single most awful experience of his entire life.
It was tempting, so tempting to make his escape as soon as the last bell rang, to just go home, crawl into bed and try to forget everything that had happened that day. But the mere thought of stepping out into the hallway with everyone else, to get on the bus and have people staring at him all the way to his stop, had something very close to true nausea rising from his queasy gut. So he stayed behind with Jongdae, Baekhyun and the other campaign helpers who had gotten the permission to use one of the empty classrooms to work on their promotion material. They all knew, of course. Knew why he was sitting in the back of the classroom, earphones plugged in and trying to calm himself as he made himself useful by cutting out the new flyers. But at least no one was asking him about it or giving him overly curious stares. They all concentrated on their work, gave him the space he needed and Jongin was so grateful for that, he could have cried if that wouldn’t have made him look even more pitiful.
Two hours later, finally deeming it safe enough to go home, he said his good-byes, gave a quick, thankful nod when Baekhyun told him to call him later if he needed to and set off towards his locker. The corridors were blessedly empty, save for the occasional late straggler or occasional club member, but Jongin could deal with those.
Or that was what he thought until he closed his locker after getting all the books he would need over the weekend and suddenly found himself face to face with Kim Minseok. The utterly unexpected appearance had him startle away with a jump, just barely biting back an embarrassing yelp and the senior’s eyes widened in response, before he broke out into barely contained laughter. Curiously the soft sound had Jongin settling down, instead of leaving him feeling uneasy and defensive. But something about the say Minseok looked at him told him he wasn’t laughing down on him, was just genuinely amused by Jongin’s violent reaction.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you like that. I was just on my way out. Chanyeol forced us all to produce more buttons, as if we don’t have enough of those already. But I guess with the final voting coming around next week, he’s getting a bit anxious. If making buttons is what’ll keep him from having a nervous breakdown, then I’ll make as many of them as it takes. Believe me, a freaked out Chanyeol is something no one wants to deal with.”
It was amazing. Minseok just kept on talking with that cheerful voice and Jongin actually found himself relaxing. It was as if the older boy knew he needed some time to collect himself and judging by the patient look in his eyes, he probably really did understand. It had Jongin at a bit of a loss. His default reaction had always been discomfort and the urge to flee, so he wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself when all he felt was slight unease without any of its usual severity.
“Anyway, like I said, I was just on my way out saw you here, so I thought we could have a quick talk. I was… curious about you.”
And with that Jongin’s unusual composure came to an abrupt and crushing end. Jongin didn’t think he had ever heard something more terrifying in his life. His horror must have shown clearly on his face, because just a moment later Minseok let out an amused snort, eyes crinkling and nose scrunching up in a way that was adorable to him even in his state of panic.
“Don’t worry”, came the older boy’s immediate all-clear, hand giving a few consoling pats to his arm and the gesture and amused gentleness of his gaze were comforting enough, to have the worst tension draining out of him on an inaudible sigh. “I’m not going to tell everyone about this conversation or start being all buddy-buddy in public.”
The sound of surprise slipped out without him noticing, mind reeling with shock at being figured out so completely.
“What… how…”
“It’s pretty damn obvious you don’t like attention from the way you high-tail it every time you notice someone so much as glancing in your direction.”
“I… hmm…”
“Jongin…”, for the first time Minseok sounded not 100% assured and it had Jongin snapping his gaze back up, from where he had let it drift away. “I hope you don’t mind me asking this, but… what exactly happened earlier today? Soo refused to talk about it, but he looked like he just got dumped by the love of his life. And rumors of you two fighting in the library are spreading like wildfire.”
Three things happened at the same time. His heart gave a wistful pang at the words ‘love of his life’, while he felt his face fall and heavy guilt flooded his gut. It was his fault Kyungsoo was running around feeling bad and thinking about a way to rebuff Jongin as gently as possible. The thought made Jongin earnestly consider staying away forever so he would never have to listen to the older boy rejecting him.
“We didn’t fight.”
Tapping the toe of his scuffed grey sneakers against the bottom of the locker next to him, he didn’t even notice the frown deepening on Minseok’s upturned face, at least not until the senior followed up on his question with another one, clearly determined to get to the bottom of things.
“But something happened. And judging by that look on your face you’re obviously not feeling all that great about it either.”
The fact that Minseok could read him so easily should probably alarm him, but it was actually a relief. For someone as bad at talking as Jongin, it made things so much easier. And something about the older boy just made it seem as if he could entrust him with absolutely everything.
“I made a fool out of myself, that’s what happened.”
“Why don’t you tell me exactly what happened? Because you making a fool out of yourself doesn’t really explain Kyungsoo looking utterly miserable and two seconds away from crying.”
He knew Minseok was probably exaggerating, but that didn’t keep his guilt from wrenching at him even harder. Eventually the senior was going to find out about it anyway, so he might as well just tell him. It wasn’t as if the situation could get that much worse for Jongin at this point. And maybe, if Minseok told Kyungsoo that Jongin had never meant to say that in the library, they could just ignore the entire thing and forget it ever happened.
“I kind of let it slip how great I think he is.”
Even after making the decision to tell the senior, admitting it still had him blushing all the way to the roots of his hair.
“You… okay. And what happened then?”
“I ran away. I… I do that a lot.”
A hand on his arm had him looking up despite the sheer debilitating embarrassment flooding through him and the look on Minseok’s face had him giving a start with an emotion he couldn’t quite name. All he knew was that all of a sudden he almost felt… restless.
“So you’re telling me that you all but confessed and then ran away?”
Hearing it said out loud like that actually made the whole situation even worse and the only thing keeping him from curling up and yelling at his failed existence, was his adamant refusal to let himself sink even lower. Instead he just gave a curt, miserable nod.
“But you actually do like him, did I get that right?”
This time it took him considerably longer to dip his head in confirmation, because admitting it to someone else would make his feelings for Kyungsoo even harder to ignore.
He wasn’t quite sure what he had expected to happen after that, but it surely hadn’t been for Minseok’s next words to practically come tumbling out of his mouth, as if he couldn’t get his message across fast enough.
“Okay, listen to me and listen closely. The first thing you need to know about Soo is that he can be totally oblivious and a bit dense about things like that. He gets really focused once he sets himself a goal and he really seems to want to get closer to you. I don’t think he notices how uncomfortable you really are when the attention is on you. So when you run away from him in public he’ll definitely think it’s because he did something wrong, not because you can’t deal with everyone’s eyes on you. But you should cut the poor boy some slack. He likes you a lot, even though you’re always running away from him. And he’s really trying. I’ve never seen Kyungsoo chase someone like he’s chasing you. It has always been the other way around, but I’m starting to understand why he’s acting like that all of a sudden.”
Jongin’s mind was reeling. Kyungsoo… liked him?
“You’re wrong, he can’t actually like me. I’m just… me.”
It just made no sense. Things like that didn’t happen to people like Jongin.
“You really don’t notice.”
There was genuine surprise in the other’s voice and visible on his face. Jongin wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to know, but found himself asking anyway, something about the senior just compelling him to keep on talking.
“Notice what?”
And suddenly Minseok was laughing again, pressing out a “My God, you’re as bad as him”, that confused the hell out of the younger boy before the senior started talking again.
“The way you avoid everyone, but not because you’re an asshole or a loner, but simply because you’re shy, it makes people curious. It’s endearing, to be quite honest. And just talking to you like this, watching you relax enough to not think about the quickest way to escape, it makes me feel… I don’t know… happy, I guess? Like I achieved something amazing. Kyungsoo is constantly talking about this, about you. So believe me when I tell you that he really, really likes you.”
He had no clue how to react to that and when he saw Minseok’s gaze focusing on something over his shoulder for a mere second and he was about to turn around and see what was going on, but the older boy’s hand on his arm stopped him before he could move.
“Well, if you don’t believe me, you’ll just have to wait until Kyungsoo tells you himself.”
Jongin really didn’t think that was ever going to happen, but Minseok seemed completely convinced and it had that foolish hope in him stirring to wakefulness again.
“Tell me this, do you want to be more than friends with Kyungsoo?”
“I…”
“It’s a simple yes or no question, Jongin.”
Knowing how unlikely it would be, even knowing what kind of attention it would draw, he found himself answering Minseok with a surprisingly clear and steady ‘yes’, speaking from a part of him that didn’t care about anything but the way he felt whenever he was next to Kyungsoo. Minseok obviously approved.
“Alright, then trust me.”
And before Jongin could even ask what he was supposed to trust him with, Minseok took a big and completely unexpected step forward. He could actually feel their chests brushing up against each other as the smaller leaned up to murmur into his ear.
“Kyungsoo isn’t just determined and oblivious, he’s also veeeery possessive, so… good luck.”
With that ominous statement he gave him a last smile and lingering pat on the arm, one that felt completely different to the one he had given him before, and walked away with a loud and cheerful “See you on Monday, Jonginnie”.
With no idea what just happened, he wheeled around in Minseok’s direction, just to freeze like a deer caught in the headlights when he saw Kyungsoo standing barely 20 feet away from him, the look on his face one he had never seen before. The tight-lipped expression was miles away from the usual warmth and calmness he radiated and even though Jongin somehow knew Kyungsoo was trying to keep his face carefully blank, he still looked furious to him.
It had him taking a wary step back, despite the fact that Kyungsoo’s movements seemed deliberately slow as he started coming closer. Of course the elder noticed and suddenly all pretense at emotionlessness was gone, eyes flashing with something that looked too much like hurt and fists clenching so hard, he could see his knuckles standing out in sharp, white relief. Some part of him just wanted the other to talk, so he could know what was wrong and fix it, while the other part was afraid of what he might hear. But the time to pick a side ran out when he could see Kyungsoo pulling himself together with a porous kind of determination.
“I’m sure there are better, more subtle ways to ask about this, but whatever they are I can’t think of them right now, so I’m just gonna be upfront.”
But instead of talking on, he took a deep breath, almost as if to brace himself for something and it was enough to have Jongin tensing up to an almost unbearable level, as he watched his eyelashes flutter hectically. Then Kyungsoo leveled him with another look and he somehow managed to look both unflinching and scared at the same time.
“Do you like Minseok?”
What?
Jongin opened his mouth, but no sound came out, surprise about the ridiculous question rendering him temporarily mute, and before he could compose himself, Kyungsoo was already talking again, obviously unable to keep silent about this.
“I mean until a few days ago I could barely keep you in the same room with me, leave alone have an actual conversation, those few weeks we worked on our project together excluded. But you seemed to have no problem with letting him touch you. You were talking so normally with him, hell, you were even laughing and…”
“For the record, he was the only one laughing.”
Kyungsoo didn’t seem to appreciate the comment, if the flashing of temper in his eyes was anything to go by.
“That’s not the point! You let him touch you and talked to him without running away like you do every time I show up and he had his hand on your arm!”
For some reason that last part seemed to be of particular importance to him. It had him thinking of Minseok’s last remark about Kyungsoo’s possessiveness and that stupid, hopeful part of him gave another stir. Still, he didn’t like seeing the older boy like this - upset, insecure, braced for something he didn’t actually want to hear - so he hastily went to clear up the enormous misunderstanding.
“I don’t like Minseok, at least not in the way I think you’re asking about.” It was impossible not to notice the immediate draining of tension out of Kyungsoo’s body at those words and his stomach gave another silly flutter. “But he seems like a good guy. I have a feeling it’s very hard to dislike Minseok. And I’m pretty sure he just did it to provoke you.”
He didn’t think he had meant to say that out loud, but maybe he was just deluding himself. Maybe he had actually wanted it out in the open, just to see how Kyungsoo would react. And react he certainly did.
“He...”
Face clouding with a thunderous kind of annoyance, those usually so restful, gentle eyes flashed with something that seemed like very bad news for Minseok. Jongin wasn’t proud to admit it, but he felt his body react to the sight - an angry Kyungsoo wasn’t something he had ever seen before - so for his own sake and Minseok’s he quickly pushed on in their conversation.
“Apart from that he didn’t try to start a conversation with all these other people hanging around.”
As a distraction it worked incredibly well. The scowl vanished from Kyungsoo’s face in the blink of an eye, to be replaced by a slight, but definite worry as he searched Jongin’s face with his lower lip caught between his teeth.
“So it’s true? You really hate the attention that much?”
“Yeah.”
It was the first time he had admitted this to Kyungsoo and even though he hated the thought of Kyungsoo thinking of him as weak, it was still a relief to finally have him know. He was pretty sure all the running and stuttering had already made him look like the worst kind of sissy. There was no use in trying to pretend he was anything but completely hopeless as far as social interactions were concerned.
Jongin didn’t know why he had expected some kind of reaction to that statement, but the older boy didn’t seem all that interested. Instead he could see that Kyungsoo had just made a decision - an important one, if the way he stood up just a bit straighter was anything to go by - and the only sign that he had taken note of Jongin’s admission, was the quick look he threw over his shoulder, as if to make sure no one was around to scare the younger away. Then he faced him again and Jongin’s stomach gave a quick jump. He just knew something - something big - was coming.
“I like you.”
The words hit him like a punch to the heart. Despite the strange knowing, Minseok’s insistent claims and the hopeful thoughts he just hadn’t been able to control, the admission still left him reeling. For the first time Jongin thought he might understand what it felt like to truly struggle for breath, as his chest constricted and his heart gave a powerful lurch. But it was the way Kyungsoo was looking at him, all earnest determination and pleading sincerity, that had his entire body heating up in a flash, while a disbelieving kind of wonder spread through him at the older boy’s confession.
“I really like you”, Kyungsoo repeated and Jongin couldn’t have looked away to save his life. “As a matter of fact I’ve liked you for a long time, probably since we did that project together last semester, but I never had the courage to say anything because you were always running away from me. I used this campaign as an excuse to talk to you again and yes, I know it’s totally ridiculous, seeing how there’s no chance in hell you’ll vote for anyone but Jongdae, but this was honestly the only thing I could think of. I thought I might as well try to get closer to you one last time, even if it was a stupid idea.”
Kyungsoo stopped to draw in a deep, obviously nervous breath and Jongin realized he needed the break - and air - as much as the older boy did.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t realize how uncomfortable I was making you every time I talked to you with so many people around. You’d think I’d notice stuff like that, but I…”, he made a frustrated sound in the back of his throat, forehead crinkling, and Jongin could honestly say he had never seen the other boy looking so lost and restless. “My only excuse is that I tend to get a serious case of tunnel vision whenever I really want something and I honestly can’t remember the last time I wanted something as much as I want you.”
Jongin’s heart almost pounded its way out of his chest at that.
“And holy shit, that sounded creepy as hell. I… I’m seriously messing this up, aren’t I? I know I’m doing a piss-poor job of explaining this, but…”
The older boy looked one second away from pulling his hair and Jongin wanted to tell him that no, he wasn’t messing this up, that it didn’t matter that he wasn’t explaining it properly, because none of this would have made any sense to him anyway. He really wanted to, but he couldn’t talk. His tongue, his entire mouth, felt too dry and numb to make answering even a remote possibility. Jongin was sure he was hallucinating. He had to be. It was the only logical explanation for this. Kyungsoo couldn’t like him. He was Kim Jongin, painfully awkward, not the least bit interesting and the person that pretty much broke out in hives when people looked at him too much. This wasn’t some romantic teenage romance where the girl ran away from the guy, never knowing that he had actually been reciprocating her feelings all the time. He couldn’t be that much of a cliché.
But Kyungsoo was still standing in front of him, biting his lip and looking almost desperate for Jongin to say something. So he did.
“I’d be the worst kind of boyfriend. I’m probably the most socially awkward person out there. I’m horrible when it comes to making conversation, I have absolutely no experience with dating and I’m clumsy as hell. And it all gets ten times worse when people look at me. I’m afraid of the most ridiculous things, I’ve never done something adventurous or forbidden - unless you count annoying the hell out of Baekhyun on purpose - and I just know you’d get frustrated and annoyed with me in no time. I…”
What happened next was a bit of a blur, happening so fast, he had no chance of keeping up, but Jongin would nevertheless remember it for a very, very long time.
Kyungsoo’s eyes flashed with something that had tingles spreading through his entire body and suddenly the smaller boy was a lot closer than before. There was a warm hand cupping his nape and the next second Jongin was stumbling the last remaining step forward, following the insistent tug and pressure at the back of neck and - holy shit, Do Kyungsoo was kissing him.
Within a few short moments he felt his eyelashes fluttering shut, tension draining out of him with the gentle press of Kyungsoo’s lips and the soothing, light caress of the elder’s thumb at the back of his neck. He breathed out a tiny sound of protest as Kyungsoo pulled back slightly and it had the smaller boy pressing back in in a heartbeat. Jongin was convinced those had to be the softest lips ever, completely mesmerized by the way they carefully slid over his, and - oh God - he smelled so good. Like something he wanted to bury his nose in, curl his body around and breathe in for the rest of eternity.
The hand around his nape tightened and he wasn’t even sure why he did it, but he found himself slightly parting his lips on a breathless whimper and letting Kyungsoo’s tongue slip in. Holding Jongin close, the older boy just carefully licked into his mouth and the taller was sure something inside of him simply exploded. At this point he was practically draped over Kyungsoo, legs barely able to hold him up, but the smaller boy didn’t seem to mind in the least. Instead he was actually being pulled closer by a steadying arm around his waist and he was starting to worry he might just melt right there in the middle of the hallway.
In the middle of the hallway…
Kyungsoo must have felt him tense up, because he was pulling back in the blink of an eye, gaze dark and lips so kiss-swollen, Jongin had the fleeting, crazy urge to lean back in. Then sanity returned and he took a big, but entirely too wobbly step away. It seemed to pull Kyungsoo out of whatever trance-like thoughts he had been in, blinking several times until they cleared and filled with a rueful kind of earnestness.
“Sorry, for doing this here, I just… I really like you, Jongin. I don’t care if you’re awkward or shy or don’t like it when people pay attention to you. You’re the most gentle person I know, you’re honest, so ready to help everyone around you - as long as they don’t notice - you’re clever and don’t think I didn’t notice that smart mouth of yours. And as long as you don’t mind me paying attention to you, I couldn’t care less about the fact that you’d rather stay out of everyone’s sight.” Jongin couldn’t breathe. It felt like something the size of the Rocky Mountains was stuck in his throat and his insides were alive with a mix of disbelieve, euphoria and pure, undiluted happiness. “And I know I’m doing this all ass-backwards, but if you like me back as much as I hope you do, then I want to show you that I can do this.”
“This?”
His voice was steadier than he had expected, but that still meant a mortifying amount of breathlessness.
“Dating you. We don’t have to make a big deal out of it in school or public. As long as I know I’ll be able to hold you, kiss you when we’re alone, I can keep my distance. And I wish there could be a way to avoid all the initial attention this will probably draw to you, but two guys dating is bound to cause quite the stir, so…”
“That’s okay.”
Kyungsoo’s entire body jolted at that, eyes widening in surprise and it was only then that Jongin realized that he had said the words out loud. It was also the same moment he realized that he didn’t want to take them back.
All the times he had complained and agonized about getting too much attention, all those times he had run away from Kyungsoo like a dog with his tail between his legs, he had never truly considered actually being with him. Sure, he’d had his weak moments, hoping and fantasizing about it, but had never dared to believe they would ever be more than very different, very awkward acquaintances. He had tried to stay away because he had always thought it would end with him in the spotlight that Kyungsoo just naturally drew to himself, secretly pining for the older boy, while the other was just being his usual friendly self, before eventually walking away.
But this, this changed things. Completely.
“I… I’d like to try.”
That had a brilliant smile appearing on the smaller’s face. For a second Kyungsoo looked like he was about to yank Jongin in for another kiss and he wasn’t entirely sure if it was disappointment or relief bubbling up in his chest when he could see the other just barely holding himself in check.
“So how about a date?”
He felt his stomach give a painfully nervous lurch. A date. With Kyungsoo. With people watching him bumble his way through his first date ever. It was the perfect recipe for disaster. But at the same time he wanted to say ‘yes’ so badly, it was a physical ache. He could do this. If he wanted to be with Kyungsoo, he would eventually have to get used to it. And it would be worth it. He could do this, if he just found a way to ignore the other people and focus on Kyungsoo. If he-
“You can come over to my place. I’ll cook for us - but don’t expect much - and we can watch a movie or something. Just the two of us. We can take this slow. As slow as you want, Jongin.”
Those words alone shouldn’t have been enough to make him feel that giddy inside, but how could he help himself, when Kyungsoo was officially his now and so ready to make this as easy on him as possible?
Maybe it was wishful thinking, maybe just foolish belief, but Jongin had a feeling this was going to work out. He was going to make sure of it.
"Yes, a date sounds great."
Title: Popular Vote
News about the incident travelled even faster than Jongin had dreaded. By the time last period came around the entire school seemed to have heard about Do Kyungsoo publicly ‘arguing’ with the quiet kid - that would be him - and for once it wasn’t Jongin’s paranoia playing tricks on him. This time people actually were watching him wherever he went and it was the single most awful experience of his entire life.
It was tempting, so tempting to make his escape as soon as the last bell rang, to just go home, crawl into bed and try to forget everything that had happened that day. But the mere thought of stepping out into the hallway with everyone else, to get on the bus and have people staring at him all the way to his stop, had something very close to true nausea rising from his queasy gut. So he stayed behind with Jongdae, Baekhyun and the other campaign helpers who had gotten the permission to use one of the empty classrooms to work on their promotion material. They all knew, of course. Knew why he was sitting in the back of the classroom, earphones plugged in and trying to calm himself as he made himself useful by cutting out the new flyers. But at least no one was asking him about it or giving him overly curious stares. They all concentrated on their work, gave him the space he needed and Jongin was so grateful for that, he could have cried if that wouldn’t have made him look even more pitiful.
Two hours later, finally deeming it safe enough to go home, he said his good-byes, gave a quick, thankful nod when Baekhyun told him to call him later if he needed to and set off towards his locker. The corridors were blessedly empty, save for the occasional late straggler or occasional club member, but Jongin could deal with those.
Or that was what he thought until he closed his locker after getting all the books he would need over the weekend and suddenly found himself face to face with Kim Minseok. The utterly unexpected appearance had him startle away with a jump, just barely biting back an embarrassing yelp and the senior’s eyes widened in response, before he broke out into barely contained laughter. Curiously the soft sound had Jongin settling down, instead of leaving him feeling uneasy and defensive. But something about the say Minseok looked at him told him he wasn’t laughing down on him, was just genuinely amused by Jongin’s violent reaction.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you like that. I was just on my way out. Chanyeol forced us all to produce more buttons, as if we don’t have enough of those already. But I guess with the final voting coming around next week, he’s getting a bit anxious. If making buttons is what’ll keep him from having a nervous breakdown, then I’ll make as many of them as it takes. Believe me, a freaked out Chanyeol is something no one wants to deal with.”
It was amazing. Minseok just kept on talking with that cheerful voice and Jongin actually found himself relaxing. It was as if the older boy knew he needed some time to collect himself and judging by the patient look in his eyes, he probably really did understand. It had Jongin at a bit of a loss. His default reaction had always been discomfort and the urge to flee, so he wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself when all he felt was slight unease without any of its usual severity.
“Anyway, like I said, I was just on my way out saw you here, so I thought we could have a quick talk. I was… curious about you.”
And with that Jongin’s unusual composure came to an abrupt and crushing end. Jongin didn’t think he had ever heard something more terrifying in his life. His horror must have shown clearly on his face, because just a moment later Minseok let out an amused snort, eyes crinkling and nose scrunching up in a way that was adorable to him even in his state of panic.
“Don’t worry”, came the older boy’s immediate all-clear, hand giving a few consoling pats to his arm and the gesture and amused gentleness of his gaze were comforting enough, to have the worst tension draining out of him on an inaudible sigh. “I’m not going to tell everyone about this conversation or start being all buddy-buddy in public.”
The sound of surprise slipped out without him noticing, mind reeling with shock at being figured out so completely.
“What… how…”
“It’s pretty damn obvious you don’t like attention from the way you high-tail it every time you notice someone so much as glancing in your direction.”
“I… hmm…”
“Jongin…”, for the first time Minseok sounded not 100% assured and it had Jongin snapping his gaze back up, from where he had let it drift away. “I hope you don’t mind me asking this, but… what exactly happened earlier today? Soo refused to talk about it, but he looked like he just got dumped by the love of his life. And rumors of you two fighting in the library are spreading like wildfire.”
Three things happened at the same time. His heart gave a wistful pang at the words ‘love of his life’, while he felt his face fall and heavy guilt flooded his gut. It was his fault Kyungsoo was running around feeling bad and thinking about a way to rebuff Jongin as gently as possible. The thought made Jongin earnestly consider staying away forever so he would never have to listen to the older boy rejecting him.
“We didn’t fight.”
Tapping the toe of his scuffed grey sneakers against the bottom of the locker next to him, he didn’t even notice the frown deepening on Minseok’s upturned face, at least not until the senior followed up on his question with another one, clearly determined to get to the bottom of things.
“But something happened. And judging by that look on your face you’re obviously not feeling all that great about it either.”
The fact that Minseok could read him so easily should probably alarm him, but it was actually a relief. For someone as bad at talking as Jongin, it made things so much easier. And something about the older boy just made it seem as if he could entrust him with absolutely everything.
“I made a fool out of myself, that’s what happened.”
“Why don’t you tell me exactly what happened? Because you making a fool out of yourself doesn’t really explain Kyungsoo looking utterly miserable and two seconds away from crying.”
He knew Minseok was probably exaggerating, but that didn’t keep his guilt from wrenching at him even harder. Eventually the senior was going to find out about it anyway, so he might as well just tell him. It wasn’t as if the situation could get that much worse for Jongin at this point. And maybe, if Minseok told Kyungsoo that Jongin had never meant to say that in the library, they could just ignore the entire thing and forget it ever happened.
“I kind of let it slip how great I think he is.”
Even after making the decision to tell the senior, admitting it still had him blushing all the way to the roots of his hair.
“You… okay. And what happened then?”
“I ran away. I… I do that a lot.”
A hand on his arm had him looking up despite the sheer debilitating embarrassment flooding through him and the look on Minseok’s face had him giving a start with an emotion he couldn’t quite name. All he knew was that all of a sudden he almost felt… restless.
“So you’re telling me that you all but confessed and then ran away?”
Hearing it said out loud like that actually made the whole situation even worse and the only thing keeping him from curling up and yelling at his failed existence, was his adamant refusal to let himself sink even lower. Instead he just gave a curt, miserable nod.
“But you actually do like him, did I get that right?”
This time it took him considerably longer to dip his head in confirmation, because admitting it to someone else would make his feelings for Kyungsoo even harder to ignore.
He wasn’t quite sure what he had expected to happen after that, but it surely hadn’t been for Minseok’s next words to practically come tumbling out of his mouth, as if he couldn’t get his message across fast enough.
“Okay, listen to me and listen closely. The first thing you need to know about Soo is that he can be totally oblivious and a bit dense about things like that. He gets really focused once he sets himself a goal and he really seems to want to get closer to you. I don’t think he notices how uncomfortable you really are when the attention is on you. So when you run away from him in public he’ll definitely think it’s because he did something wrong, not because you can’t deal with everyone’s eyes on you. But you should cut the poor boy some slack. He likes you a lot, even though you’re always running away from him. And he’s really trying. I’ve never seen Kyungsoo chase someone like he’s chasing you. It has always been the other way around, but I’m starting to understand why he’s acting like that all of a sudden.”
Jongin’s mind was reeling. Kyungsoo… liked him?
“You’re wrong, he can’t actually like me. I’m just… me.”
It just made no sense. Things like that didn’t happen to people like Jongin.
“You really don’t notice.”
There was genuine surprise in the other’s voice and visible on his face. Jongin wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to know, but found himself asking anyway, something about the senior just compelling him to keep on talking.
“Notice what?”
And suddenly Minseok was laughing again, pressing out a “My God, you’re as bad as him”, that confused the hell out of the younger boy before the senior started talking again.
“The way you avoid everyone, but not because you’re an asshole or a loner, but simply because you’re shy, it makes people curious. It’s endearing, to be quite honest. And just talking to you like this, watching you relax enough to not think about the quickest way to escape, it makes me feel… I don’t know… happy, I guess? Like I achieved something amazing. Kyungsoo is constantly talking about this, about you. So believe me when I tell you that he really, really likes you.”
He had no clue how to react to that and when he saw Minseok’s gaze focusing on something over his shoulder for a mere second and he was about to turn around and see what was going on, but the older boy’s hand on his arm stopped him before he could move.
“Well, if you don’t believe me, you’ll just have to wait until Kyungsoo tells you himself.”
Jongin really didn’t think that was ever going to happen, but Minseok seemed completely convinced and it had that foolish hope in him stirring to wakefulness again.
“Tell me this, do you want to be more than friends with Kyungsoo?”
“I…”
“It’s a simple yes or no question, Jongin.”
Knowing how unlikely it would be, even knowing what kind of attention it would draw, he found himself answering Minseok with a surprisingly clear and steady ‘yes’, speaking from a part of him that didn’t care about anything but the way he felt whenever he was next to Kyungsoo. Minseok obviously approved.
“Alright, then trust me.”
And before Jongin could even ask what he was supposed to trust him with, Minseok took a big and completely unexpected step forward. He could actually feel their chests brushing up against each other as the smaller leaned up to murmur into his ear.
“Kyungsoo isn’t just determined and oblivious, he’s also veeeery possessive, so… good luck.”
With that ominous statement he gave him a last smile and lingering pat on the arm, one that felt completely different to the one he had given him before, and walked away with a loud and cheerful “See you on Monday, Jonginnie”.
With no idea what just happened, he wheeled around in Minseok’s direction, just to freeze like a deer caught in the headlights when he saw Kyungsoo standing barely 20 feet away from him, the look on his face one he had never seen before. The tight-lipped expression was miles away from the usual warmth and calmness he radiated and even though Jongin somehow knew Kyungsoo was trying to keep his face carefully blank, he still looked furious to him.
It had him taking a wary step back, despite the fact that Kyungsoo’s movements seemed deliberately slow as he started coming closer. Of course the elder noticed and suddenly all pretense at emotionlessness was gone, eyes flashing with something that looked too much like hurt and fists clenching so hard, he could see his knuckles standing out in sharp, white relief. Some part of him just wanted the other to talk, so he could know what was wrong and fix it, while the other part was afraid of what he might hear. But the time to pick a side ran out when he could see Kyungsoo pulling himself together with a porous kind of determination.
“I’m sure there are better, more subtle ways to ask about this, but whatever they are I can’t think of them right now, so I’m just gonna be upfront.”
But instead of talking on, he took a deep breath, almost as if to brace himself for something and it was enough to have Jongin tensing up to an almost unbearable level, as he watched his eyelashes flutter hectically. Then Kyungsoo leveled him with another look and he somehow managed to look both unflinching and scared at the same time.
“Do you like Minseok?”
What?
Jongin opened his mouth, but no sound came out, surprise about the ridiculous question rendering him temporarily mute, and before he could compose himself, Kyungsoo was already talking again, obviously unable to keep silent about this.
“I mean until a few days ago I could barely keep you in the same room with me, leave alone have an actual conversation, those few weeks we worked on our project together excluded. But you seemed to have no problem with letting him touch you. You were talking so normally with him, hell, you were even laughing and…”
“For the record, he was the only one laughing.”
Kyungsoo didn’t seem to appreciate the comment, if the flashing of temper in his eyes was anything to go by.
“That’s not the point! You let him touch you and talked to him without running away like you do every time I show up and he had his hand on your arm!”
For some reason that last part seemed to be of particular importance to him. It had him thinking of Minseok’s last remark about Kyungsoo’s possessiveness and that stupid, hopeful part of him gave another stir. Still, he didn’t like seeing the older boy like this - upset, insecure, braced for something he didn’t actually want to hear - so he hastily went to clear up the enormous misunderstanding.
“I don’t like Minseok, at least not in the way I think you’re asking about.” It was impossible not to notice the immediate draining of tension out of Kyungsoo’s body at those words and his stomach gave another silly flutter. “But he seems like a good guy. I have a feeling it’s very hard to dislike Minseok. And I’m pretty sure he just did it to provoke you.”
He didn’t think he had meant to say that out loud, but maybe he was just deluding himself. Maybe he had actually wanted it out in the open, just to see how Kyungsoo would react. And react he certainly did.
“He...”
Face clouding with a thunderous kind of annoyance, those usually so restful, gentle eyes flashed with something that seemed like very bad news for Minseok. Jongin wasn’t proud to admit it, but he felt his body react to the sight - an angry Kyungsoo wasn’t something he had ever seen before - so for his own sake and Minseok’s he quickly pushed on in their conversation.
“Apart from that he didn’t try to start a conversation with all these other people hanging around.”
As a distraction it worked incredibly well. The scowl vanished from Kyungsoo’s face in the blink of an eye, to be replaced by a slight, but definite worry as he searched Jongin’s face with his lower lip caught between his teeth.
“So it’s true? You really hate the attention that much?”
“Yeah.”
It was the first time he had admitted this to Kyungsoo and even though he hated the thought of Kyungsoo thinking of him as weak, it was still a relief to finally have him know. He was pretty sure all the running and stuttering had already made him look like the worst kind of sissy. There was no use in trying to pretend he was anything but completely hopeless as far as social interactions were concerned.
Jongin didn’t know why he had expected some kind of reaction to that statement, but the older boy didn’t seem all that interested. Instead he could see that Kyungsoo had just made a decision - an important one, if the way he stood up just a bit straighter was anything to go by - and the only sign that he had taken note of Jongin’s admission, was the quick look he threw over his shoulder, as if to make sure no one was around to scare the younger away. Then he faced him again and Jongin’s stomach gave a quick jump. He just knew something - something big - was coming.
“I like you.”
The words hit him like a punch to the heart. Despite the strange knowing, Minseok’s insistent claims and the hopeful thoughts he just hadn’t been able to control, the admission still left him reeling. For the first time Jongin thought he might understand what it felt like to truly struggle for breath, as his chest constricted and his heart gave a powerful lurch. But it was the way Kyungsoo was looking at him, all earnest determination and pleading sincerity, that had his entire body heating up in a flash, while a disbelieving kind of wonder spread through him at the older boy’s confession.
“I really like you”, Kyungsoo repeated and Jongin couldn’t have looked away to save his life. “As a matter of fact I’ve liked you for a long time, probably since we did that project together last semester, but I never had the courage to say anything because you were always running away from me. I used this campaign as an excuse to talk to you again and yes, I know it’s totally ridiculous, seeing how there’s no chance in hell you’ll vote for anyone but Jongdae, but this was honestly the only thing I could think of. I thought I might as well try to get closer to you one last time, even if it was a stupid idea.”
Kyungsoo stopped to draw in a deep, obviously nervous breath and Jongin realized he needed the break - and air - as much as the older boy did.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t realize how uncomfortable I was making you every time I talked to you with so many people around. You’d think I’d notice stuff like that, but I…”, he made a frustrated sound in the back of his throat, forehead crinkling, and Jongin could honestly say he had never seen the other boy looking so lost and restless. “My only excuse is that I tend to get a serious case of tunnel vision whenever I really want something and I honestly can’t remember the last time I wanted something as much as I want you.”
Jongin’s heart almost pounded its way out of his chest at that.
“And holy shit, that sounded creepy as hell. I… I’m seriously messing this up, aren’t I? I know I’m doing a piss-poor job of explaining this, but…”
The older boy looked one second away from pulling his hair and Jongin wanted to tell him that no, he wasn’t messing this up, that it didn’t matter that he wasn’t explaining it properly, because none of this would have made any sense to him anyway. He really wanted to, but he couldn’t talk. His tongue, his entire mouth, felt too dry and numb to make answering even a remote possibility. Jongin was sure he was hallucinating. He had to be. It was the only logical explanation for this. Kyungsoo couldn’t like him. He was Kim Jongin, painfully awkward, not the least bit interesting and the person that pretty much broke out in hives when people looked at him too much. This wasn’t some romantic teenage romance where the girl ran away from the guy, never knowing that he had actually been reciprocating her feelings all the time. He couldn’t be that much of a cliché.
But Kyungsoo was still standing in front of him, biting his lip and looking almost desperate for Jongin to say something. So he did.
“I’d be the worst kind of boyfriend. I’m probably the most socially awkward person out there. I’m horrible when it comes to making conversation, I have absolutely no experience with dating and I’m clumsy as hell. And it all gets ten times worse when people look at me. I’m afraid of the most ridiculous things, I’ve never done something adventurous or forbidden - unless you count annoying the hell out of Baekhyun on purpose - and I just know you’d get frustrated and annoyed with me in no time. I…”
What happened next was a bit of a blur, happening so fast, he had no chance of keeping up, but Jongin would nevertheless remember it for a very, very long time.
Kyungsoo’s eyes flashed with something that had tingles spreading through his entire body and suddenly the smaller boy was a lot closer than before. There was a warm hand cupping his nape and the next second Jongin was stumbling the last remaining step forward, following the insistent tug and pressure at the back of neck and - holy shit, Do Kyungsoo was kissing him.
Within a few short moments he felt his eyelashes fluttering shut, tension draining out of him with the gentle press of Kyungsoo’s lips and the soothing, light caress of the elder’s thumb at the back of his neck. He breathed out a tiny sound of protest as Kyungsoo pulled back slightly and it had the smaller boy pressing back in in a heartbeat. Jongin was convinced those had to be the softest lips ever, completely mesmerized by the way they carefully slid over his, and - oh God - he smelled so good. Like something he wanted to bury his nose in, curl his body around and breathe in for the rest of eternity.
The hand around his nape tightened and he wasn’t even sure why he did it, but he found himself slightly parting his lips on a breathless whimper and letting Kyungsoo’s tongue slip in. Holding Jongin close, the older boy just carefully licked into his mouth and the taller was sure something inside of him simply exploded. At this point he was practically draped over Kyungsoo, legs barely able to hold him up, but the smaller boy didn’t seem to mind in the least. Instead he was actually being pulled closer by a steadying arm around his waist and he was starting to worry he might just melt right there in the middle of the hallway.
In the middle of the hallway…
Kyungsoo must have felt him tense up, because he was pulling back in the blink of an eye, gaze dark and lips so kiss-swollen, Jongin had the fleeting, crazy urge to lean back in. Then sanity returned and he took a big, but entirely too wobbly step away. It seemed to pull Kyungsoo out of whatever trance-like thoughts he had been in, blinking several times until they cleared and filled with a rueful kind of earnestness.
“Sorry, for doing this here, I just… I really like you, Jongin. I don’t care if you’re awkward or shy or don’t like it when people pay attention to you. You’re the most gentle person I know, you’re honest, so ready to help everyone around you - as long as they don’t notice - you’re clever and don’t think I didn’t notice that smart mouth of yours. And as long as you don’t mind me paying attention to you, I couldn’t care less about the fact that you’d rather stay out of everyone’s sight.” Jongin couldn’t breathe. It felt like something the size of the Rocky Mountains was stuck in his throat and his insides were alive with a mix of disbelieve, euphoria and pure, undiluted happiness. “And I know I’m doing this all ass-backwards, but if you like me back as much as I hope you do, then I want to show you that I can do this.”
“This?”
His voice was steadier than he had expected, but that still meant a mortifying amount of breathlessness.
“Dating you. We don’t have to make a big deal out of it in school or public. As long as I know I’ll be able to hold you, kiss you when we’re alone, I can keep my distance. And I wish there could be a way to avoid all the initial attention this will probably draw to you, but two guys dating is bound to cause quite the stir, so…”
“That’s okay.”
Kyungsoo’s entire body jolted at that, eyes widening in surprise and it was only then that Jongin realized that he had said the words out loud. It was also the same moment he realized that he didn’t want to take them back.
All the times he had complained and agonized about getting too much attention, all those times he had run away from Kyungsoo like a dog with his tail between his legs, he had never truly considered actually being with him. Sure, he’d had his weak moments, hoping and fantasizing about it, but had never dared to believe they would ever be more than very different, very awkward acquaintances. He had tried to stay away because he had always thought it would end with him in the spotlight that Kyungsoo just naturally drew to himself, secretly pining for the older boy, while the other was just being his usual friendly self, before eventually walking away.
But this, this changed things. Completely.
“I… I’d like to try.”
That had a brilliant smile appearing on the smaller’s face. For a second Kyungsoo looked like he was about to yank Jongin in for another kiss and he wasn’t entirely sure if it was disappointment or relief bubbling up in his chest when he could see the other just barely holding himself in check.
“So how about a date?”
He felt his stomach give a painfully nervous lurch. A date. With Kyungsoo. With people watching him bumble his way through his first date ever. It was the perfect recipe for disaster. But at the same time he wanted to say ‘yes’ so badly, it was a physical ache. He could do this. If he wanted to be with Kyungsoo, he would eventually have to get used to it. And it would be worth it. He could do this, if he just found a way to ignore the other people and focus on Kyungsoo. If he-
“You can come over to my place. I’ll cook for us - but don’t expect much - and we can watch a movie or something. Just the two of us. We can take this slow. As slow as you want, Jongin.”
Those words alone shouldn’t have been enough to make him feel that giddy inside, but how could he help himself, when Kyungsoo was officially his now and so ready to make this as easy on him as possible?
Maybe it was wishful thinking, maybe just foolish belief, but Jongin had a feeling this was going to work out. He was going to make sure of it.
"Yes, a date sounds great."