[Dong Bang Shin Ki] A Man Who Wasn't There [4/?]

[kai_yukashi]

Chapter 4

If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being, and who is willing to destroy his own heart?
            - Alexander Solzhensitsvn

Comments

[rain_streaked]

Oh man, way to keep a reader in suspence. I'm loving this so far, especially the Yoochun/Junsu interaction.

All I can say is - pay attention to tenses... It's not as much as last chapters, but I saw places where you switched over to present tense and it made the (otherwise enjoyable) read a bit rocky. Do you have a beta reader who can just check over your work before you post?

I hope you aren't offended by my comment - I'm saying it because your fic intrigues me and I really want to read more! :D I'm waiting eagerly for the next chapter.

[kai_yukashi]

unfortunately I don't have a beta. x___x Yeah I'm pretty much aware of my problems with tenses. What i've been doing, since I don't have a beta, is reread it over and over again to catch the most obvious tense problems. The ones that are left are basically the ones that 1) didn't catch or 2) wasn't sure if I was SUPPOSED to have it in a certain tense. Not being a native Eng speaker (although i've been in US for over 10 years now actually...) means I never started really with the basics, so I'm really rocky on it. x__x If you see some of the really obvious ones, feel free to point it out and I'll fix it in my final version. I plan to finish writing this (possibly) unbetaed, and then at the very end I'm going to have it betaed, proofed, get the plot straightened even more, and then release a completed pdf version, just for the hell of it. lol But that's still somewhat far down...we haven't even gotten to the Jaeho yet. *cries

[tumi18]

spot

[tumi18]

Park Yoochun was, without a doubt, an ass-man.
LOL no one can resist junsu'sass.. straight or not <333

i love yoosu's meeting.. yoochun teasing junsu like that isssshhh <333 .. i bet junsu's surprise to hear / see him play the piano...

hmm.. i wonder where's jaejoong...

[virginangelic]

spot.

[virginangelic]

I must say that his story has gotten a hold on me. The suspense was nicely built up and I absolutely love the Yoosu scenes! Update soon. :)

[jaeho_lover09]

NEW READER.!!
haha:))
i like your fic.!!
the story line is interesting.
and the way you write is different from the other writers. :D

looking forward for the jaeho goodness. ^_^

and the yoosu is lovely.
maybe xiah would fall inlove with chunnie when he played the piano.. aww.. ^_^

Park Yoochun was, without a doubt, an ass-man.
this is soooo true. :> ahaha:))
since xiah has the curviest ass..micky and jae on the other hand has the flattest ones. LOL

update soon.! ne~.? ^_~

[rainbowpebbles]

the yoosu was very, very endearing (: and junsu's duckie butt! haha!

heechul and kangin! although they didn't really talk very much. hope to see more of them in future chapters...

patiently waiting for the jaeho! update soon ^-^