another update

[kadiera]

Went to church last night with Lauren - "Gay Church" (as it's often called) turns out to be a Metropolitan Community Church. It was nice, with candles and Christmas carols. I think I can count on one hand the number of times I've been in churches since moving to Michigan; at least this one came with all the good stuff about church, and very little

Comments

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

Good luck getting your car back in working order.

I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your relatives. Other people's unpleasant behavior eventually caused me to change where I customarily spend the holidays. It was disappointing to give up a long tradition, but ... 1) I realized that I wasn't getting my holiday needs met there, 2) that was making me snarky and unhappy, and 3) it's hardly fair to criticize other people's behavior in their own home, but if I don't like how they choose to live, then I can choose to be somewhere else.

Perhaps your parents will eventually realize that if they don't provide a tolerable atmosphere, they won't get to enjoy your company very much -- and if they want you around, they'll have to make the space more attractive to you. And if not, you'll know where you stand, and perhaps you'll find more appealing alternatives for holiday company.

Re: Thoughts

[kadiera]

Perhaps your parents will eventually realize that if they don't provide a tolerable atmosphere, they won't get to enjoy your company very muchWell, yeah...the problem is, that's pretty much where we're at. I'd told them after they came to our place for Christmas two years ago that "the family" was not welcome to stay at my house - if they want to come visit they can stay in a hotel. Privately, I told my mother that she could come stay with us by herself, but that I couldn't deal with the attitudes about my choices in my home anymore, and this was the only way I could figure out to deal with it

Re: Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

That's very sad. I hope you can make progress with your mother. As for your father and John ... quite possibly they don't consider that kind of behavior objectionable. There's not much to be done when fundamental standards are different, except to walk away.

May you find better company and activities for future holidays.

By the way, I found it helpful to make a list of what things I wanted in a holiday gather, and to seek out those things. Some of what I expect in a holiday:

* extra-special food.
* communal activities such as cooking, wrapping presents, shopping, feasting.
* setting aside disputes at least temporarily; "holiday cheer."
* telling stories, especially stories from a shared past.
* catching up on important events in each other's lives.
* If there are gifts, they should show that some thought went into matching the recipient, and not just be expensive obligations.

So think about what will make you feel happy and fulfilled ...

[sarahmichigan]

I'm glad you had the gumption to walk out. I've been in similar situations where I felt I really couldn't leave, so I just walked out of the room and read a book in another room (or stuck my fingers in my ears and sang Lalalala quietly to myself in another room until the conversation was over), but would have preferred to leave the house altogether.

[kadiera]

I don't know that I would have left, other than the fact that things were already strained, from issues between my parents, and John's reactions to those issues. So, I had already been thinking for some time that it was likely that things would get out of hand one way or another, so I had plenty of time to prepare for it.

[hrhqod1]

Well I applaud your gumption nonetheless. I too had to hide out in other rooms reading, while at the homes of my more bigoted family members. or, just get up and get another drink