Shattered Glass (7/?) - Dare To Hope
2 Months Later…..
Sephy Grant-Clifford’s Computer/Drive: U/Documents.
Disk 82.
It’s been two months since Jack’s attack. We still don’t know what it is, completely, that took his mind. He lies, still, in the lower elements, in his cell- Toshiko has asked Owen, twice, for Jack to be allowed on the upper grounds, if only for the sake of Ianto. I believe Jack has now become an obstacle in Tosh and Owen’s relationship.
Owen refused on both of Tosh’s requests, and even on Gwen’s.
Ianto remains silent. So do I. I cry every night, alone in my bed, because it’s all I can do. I don’t think my tears make a difference to Ianto now. I don’t think anyone even registers to him, by face or spirit.
To him, Jack is now some part of his body; he is never without him- Ianto breathes, eats and drinks for him. He is Jack’s eyes, his mind. The mind that Ianto would be desperate as to do anything to have back.
But Ianto remains silent. So do I. I dare not hope that Ianto knows of my existence anymore, and he dares not to hope that Jack will ever come back to him.
But, then, why does he look at the Captain like that? Why does he sit, everyday, by him, outside his cell, just staring; as if to will his soul back?
And why does it make me want to scream, cry, bleed? To see my lover like that?
Because Ianto loves him. Misses him, wants him. A way that he had never loved, missed or wanted me. I believe Ianto learnt love in the Captain’s words.
When he had some.
Because Jack is getting worse. Everyday he is falling deeper, drowning in the sin that has penetrated his mind. I know it sounds horrible, outrageous even, but that’s the only way I can explain it. There’s something in Jack’s mind- his…soul- that is slowly killing him. Jack never speaks, not even for his lover. Ianto. He never moves, he never opens his eyes. But, as Owen says, Jack hasn’t got long now.
And its tearing us all apart. Jack was the life and soul of Torchwood, anyone can admit that. He was the natural leader; none of them have known Torchwood without him. I have, but I am indifferent. Now he is here, the corpse of Torchwood just scares me. Torchwood needs Jack.
But….he is dying. An immortal man is losing his time.
I guess, the only immortal thing left now, is Ianto’s love for him. Because he dares to hope.
So do I.
*
‘Ianto…….’ Tosh whispered, almost silently.
Ianto felt, rather than heard, her soft pleas. He smiled briefly. ‘Just going to check on Jack’, he whispered back. ‘I won’t be long’.
Tosh opened her mouth, looked at Gwen, who had looked up from her computer, then nodded. As she watched Ianto tread away, Tosh sighed deeply, her breathes echoing in the silence of the Hub.
Silence. It had been so, ever since...two months ago. No one dared speak what all were afraid of, everyone just fended, for themselves, as best as they could.
Silence was all they had, now. Tears cascaded slowly down Tosh’s majestic face, as the laughter of Jack….all his schemes…his flirting….rang in her mind.
Her tears hit the floor, the laptop, the skirt, everything, threatening to drown her.
*
Ianto softly walked to Jack’s cell, instantly putting on a cheery tone.
‘Hi, cariad’, he said, beaming at the Captain. ‘How are you, today?’
Less than a metre away from the Welshman, he could hear Jack’s slow breathing, as he began his daily talk with Jack. The Captain’s body lay, still, on the small bed arranged for him, in the room only Owen was allowed in.
‘I’m okay, today, cariad’, Ianto continued. ‘I see you are too. Owen told me that your progress is very good today. He says your breathing normally again. Remember your little incident last month? Don’t you dare scare me like that again!’
Ianto reminiscenced, with a jerk, to the former month, and how Jack had suddenly opened his eyes and sat up, only to be unable to breath. Owen had only got there in time, to hook Jack onto an oxygen tank. Shaking his head, Ianto resolved that that time was over. He prayed it would never happen again.
‘Owen told me that you could probably start breathing on your own again’, the Welshman carried on. ‘So we can finally get rid of that stupid thing, can’t we? You wouldn’t think the oxygen tank goes with your clothes, would you? Not much of a period era fashion statement, I admit…..’
Ianto eyed Jack, as always, hoping for some sign that Jack could hear him, at least know that his lover was close.
No sign. Jack’s face was blank, and pale. Ianto stared at him, desperately, several unspoken sentences bubbling inside him. The pain of constantly seeing Jack, his lover and his best friend, like this would never leave him, his body tearing at him to rip open the screen acting as the barrier between him and the Captain, and to hold him close.
‘Jack?’ Ianto said coarsely, fighting tears. ‘Can you hear me?’ Tears were brimming on the cusp of his eyes, threatening to fall. Ianto shook them away.
‘It doesn’t matter. At least I know you’re here’ Ianto caught his words.
At least I know you’re here.
‘You’re not really here, are you?’ Ianto whispered, his voice rising. ‘Tell me….Are you Jack? You aren’t, are you? You’re that…THING that’s taken him!’
Suddenly, Ianto lost his restraint.
‘JACK!’ he screamed, his lungs tearing open, raw. ‘Don’t do this to me! I can’t stand it! Two months…two months I’ve been waiting! Please….Please….Come back…..I’m sorry…’
Ianto continued to sob, his voice wearing away. He wiped his tears, and smiled at the unconscious body, that appeared to have noticed nothing.
‘Jack’, he repeated, smiling sadly, tears beginning to fall again. ‘Remember that time; I wanted you to meet my mother? She was so excited, but you said you didn’t want to. So we didn’t go. She was so disappointed; she wouldn’t talk to me for days. She’s a good person, my mother, you two would’ve got along, really.’
Ianto hesitated. ‘But why didn’t you want to see my mam? She didn’t mind us, she didn’t mind when I said I was bisexual, and that I have a male partner. She loved you the minute she heard that I had someone. But…why couldn’t you meet her? Was it too much? Were you afraid that it would mean I was ….something? To you? Tell me….were we ever serious? In an actual relationship?’
Ianto shut the side of his brain that was betraying him. He looked at Jack again, and kneeled on the floor leaning on the thin screen.
‘It doesn’t matter’, he said, softly. ‘Not anymore. Just know that I love you, Jack. I never really told you….I told my mam that you are something to me.’
*
‘Owen? Will you come down now?’ Tosh said, opening the door to Jack’s office.
Owen turned to look at her, from Jack’s computer. This was where he stayed everyday, searching through Jacks files, belongings, for some clue as to what was wrong with him, and how to…save Jack.
‘Hang on’, Owen said to her, typing. He looked up again, and beckoned the Japanese woman to him.
Tosh sighed, and moved to Owens seat, almost to sit on his lap. They kissed briefly, passion that had had to be restrained pouring out.
‘We’ll be okay, Jack will….’ Tosh stopped. Owen stroked her long mane of hair, eyes for her only, while pangs of guilt, fatigue and sadness washed over him. Ianto hadn’t been himself for days, without Jack…..Feeling guilty for the Welshman, he hadn’t given Tosh the attention she deserved, becoming totally obsessed with helping Jack. He vowed to make it up to her.
But not now.
‘Tosh’, he began, but was cut short. Tosh slipped off Owen.
‘Don’t tell me’, she said, with a tired smile. ‘You’re going to stay here tonight, too?’
Owen stared at her, guilt waves almost getting the better of him. He got up to hug her, holding her this time.
‘Please, Tosh’, Owen said, into his lover’s hair. ‘Don’t do this to me now. We’ve got to do something’.
Tosh looked at the doctor, noticing that he looked as tired as she felt. ‘I know, Owen…we all are. Do what you’ve got to do’.
Letting go, she saluted him, before walking out.
Tosh didn’t know that that would be the last time she would see Owen.
*
Harkness Child, I am calling thee.
Shut up! Let me go! Can you see? Can you see what you’re doing to them? To Ianto? Look at him!
Child, he is not important to My schemes. Let the lower mortal weep.
LOOK AT HIM! I CAN’T DO THIS TO HIM. LET ME GO. PLEASE….
Actually, Harkness Child, I shalt need to leave thee for a short while…I need food.
Then what the fuck are you doing to me, if you aren’t eating my insides, you freak? You’re living off me, admit it!
Indeed, I am, to some extent, using thee as host. But thee is not substance, Child. Thou art My body, now.
Hang on…What do you mean by food? You don’t mean…
No matter as to what I mean by the definition of ‘Food’, Child. Just think of what I am proposing: thee shalt have the time I am gone, to thy self, so thee can talk to this….mortal that is sobbing at thy deathbed.
I’m going to…I’m going to die?
I apologize, Child. I do regret. It is the only way. Thee will not have another chance to talk to the mortal, take this chance, and be gone with it.
What if I say no?
Then thou shalt die, miserable and alone. I believe this human…Thee call him ‘Ianto’…loves thee? As a mate?
Er…I think he does.
So…thy answer?
Fine.
Clarify, Child.
FINE! GO!
I shalt be back…Child.
Please. Please. Just give me time. I need him.
*
‘Ianto! IANTO!’
Ianto found himself leaning completely against the glass screen of Jack’s cell, half asleep, tears dried.
‘Wha…?’ he yawned, before losing his breath at the scene. ‘JACK!’
Jack was tapping, persistently, on the glass, as if to claw his way out. ‘Ianto!’
The Welshman stood, bewildered, pressed against the glass, his desperate lover doing the same.
‘Jack! Is that you?’, he croaked, rapidly. ‘How….?’
Jack banged impatiently on the glass and the walls, his hands inches away from Ianto, the few centimetres of glass making all the difference. ‘Can’t you open it? Please, Yan….’
Yan.
Ianto’s heart came to life, finally truly believing Jack was here and now; the soreness within him throbbed at the use of his pet name, and desperation took over. If anything, seeing Jack like this….He would be ready to kill, maim, anything, if it meant he could better the state for Jack.
The Captain had never depended on him more.
‘Wait a second’, Ianto breathed, and Jack stopped tapping. The seconds drew on, as Ianto looked around him, the weevils in the other cells staring at the two men in curiosity.
Finally, Ianto found a chair- hard, solid…Perfect.
‘Jack, move out of the way’, Ianto said, holding the heavy chair in his palms.
‘But…what?!...’
‘MOVE!’
Jack obeyed, leaving seconds before Ianto threw the chair at the glass, breaking it into pieces.
Jack stood, swaying on the spot, feeling weak. The shatters of glass lay on the floor, enough to draw blood. He looked up at the Welshman.
His lover.
The person he needed.
He missed.
But it wasn’t going to last.
It’s over.
There isn’t time.
I only have now.
It’s all forbidden.
It’s not allowed.
Can I dare to touch what I cannot have?
‘Ianto’, Jack whispered, weakly. ‘Long time no see?’
Ianto stared at him, tears steaming down again. His heart thumped in agony and so, so much want….He needed Jack, but he needed him all.
‘Jack….I…..I love you.’ Ianto breathed, starving for air. It was now, or it was nothing at all. Jack walked carefully through the glass, and fell into Ianto’s arms.
‘I know’, Jack whispered, letting a tear escape him. ‘I know, I know. You know…I do too.’
‘Do what?’
‘Love you, Yan! I love you!’
Ianto laughed the feeling almost unknown to him. Jack was here, with him.
‘I’m so sorry, Yan’, Jack croaked. ‘I….I wasn’t enough. Sephy…’
Ianto cut across him.’Sh! Forget Sephy. You’re enough for me, Jack, you just don’t know it. Perhaps its time you did.’
‘I know now’, Jack groaned. ‘Yan……’
Ianto buried his head on his lovers shoulder, breathing in the gentle musk, the sweat, the tang of Jack himself. At last. ‘Yes?’
‘I need you. So, so much.’
Ianto stroked Jack’s neck, and found himself holding Jacks entire body weight. ‘Then come to bed with me. Upstairs’.
*
Come to Me, Human.
Owen jerked awake. What was that? Maybe he was dreaming.
Rubbing his eyes, he thought of Toshiko, and how he should be heading home. He stood up.
Human, thee be Mine…
‘What?’ Owen said, before yelling. ‘Who’s there? Ianto?’
I am not that mortal. I am thy superior….
Owen was beginning to freak out. ‘What? You’re that thing, aren’t you? Inside Jack! What do you want?’
Food.
*
Somewhere, Jack and Ianto were lost in their own world, Ianto sleeping calmly, more than he had in months.
Jack looked at his whole profile, sadness taking waves through him. He bent to kiss Ianto’s bare neck.
‘Goodbye’, he whispered.
Somehow, Jack knew, this wasn’t how it was going to end.
TBC.
So- What did you think? Are we completely mad (there’s plenty of evidence)? Is this too fluffy, or too less? Come on, press the comments button below, let us know what you think!