My life is ashambles.   No big surprise...I don't think I've ever had a good journal entry.

I've lost my job, I'm not due for Long Term Disability until December, so I won't be paid until January.  My son has Asberger's Syndrome (a mild form of Autism), my daughter and son are mourning the '"loss"" of their father....dead beat piece of shit....so ( Read more... )

Well, it feels like that's all I do on here anyways.  Good news, got the disability check after 3 1/2 months and threats of forclosure, bad news, out again on medical leave.  I just want to be normal....but I guess I never had a chance at "normal"....dysfunction IS normal.  I have good and bad days.  On good days I get a lot done, bad days... ( Read more... )

Just click the top web address, you'll see the montage...As the days go on, I regret more and more, the lack of things I had to say to my dad.

http://www.onetruemedia.com/share_view_player?p=29bee3b550fa1c10dfed76" quality="high" scale="noscale" ( Read more... )

It started around noon...I started to cry a little...no big deal, I do that everyday.  After a half hour, it was turning into sobs...I called my Primary Dr...he doesn't handle the medication, I call my psychiatrist...voicemail.  After an hour of uncontrollable sobbing, I call my mother (who is in shock b/c I never cry really), she calls my shrink ( Read more... )

It's just so amazing how much motivation and determination I have in the morning....I guess b/c I look at it as "I have all day to get all I want done"...then of course time flies by...I end up just sitting w/ my head in my hands, crying occasionally, then I take my anti-anxiety meds...then I'm tired...so I take a nap..then I wake up, only about an ( Read more... )

HOORAY!!!   It's over.  I already feel like I can breathe a little better.  How did it finally end?  He insulted my friends and family b/c they don't like him....and it hurt his feelings.  Duh...gee, i wonder why they might not like you.  Could it be that you're controlling, manipulative, emotionally abusive?  Perhaps that you made me worse instead ( Read more... )

It's been 5 weeks since I last worked at all.  I want to go back to work.  I have $0.00 in income.  Disability....needs more paperwork, Human Services...needs more paperwork, Preventing forclosure of my home....needs more paperwork.  I'm surrounded by piles of paperwork and I don't know who needs what to help me.  I'm lost and confused. I have no ( Read more... )

I don't know...is it me?  I call the cops on him 2x, I kick him out of the house....he wants to"work it out" anyway...I kind of agree....but then I changed my mind.  So I am accused of lying...that something is going on and I'm not telling him, and he's still pleading to work it out as I'm telling him, I don't want to be in a relationship.  I know ( Read more... )

I've been on livejournal for about a year and a half.....hmmm....I'm not quite sure yet how you meet people on here.  Any suggetions?
Thanx.
~Johanna

Why is it that when things are bad, they get soooooo bad?   Just a brief overview of my life for the past month.....

~Put on disability b/c of my Generalized Anxiety Disorder
~Go to NY to get away, son ends up hospitalized for the whole visit
~Continue to have complete emotional breakdowns
~2.0 Xanax has no affect on me (that's usually enough to ( Read more... )