The Gang of One: Creating A Bill Only a Mother Could Love, er, Pass
Health Care Q&A, Part I
Health Care Q&A, Part II
Q. So, um, how'd that Senate Finance Committee thing work out putting together a bill?
A. You mean the America's healthy Future Act of 2009 ? The bill Senator Baucus announced by his lonesome on Wednesday?
Q. What happened to the Gang of Six? Didn't Baucus spend a bazillion hours trying to get them to agree on something?
A. They became the Gang of One.
Q. Zounds! What happened? Some kind of Christian three-in-one ritual that got the multiplier wrong?
A. Not that I know of, but that's as good a theory as any I've heard.
While we aren't privy to their thoughts and secret communications (though occasionally some things do leak out), what we do know is that Senator Baucus stood alone on Wednesday, September 16h (a day after his previously announced deadline) at the press conference announcing the bill.
Q. No Grassley? No Snowe? No Enzi? No Blitzen?
A. No, not a one. No Democrats (or flying reindeer, for that matter) either.
Q. Not a single Democrat stood with the Democratic Chairman of the Senate Finance Committee as he was announcing possibly the single most important piece of legislation in a decade?
A. Do I hear an echo?
Q. So what do people think of the bill?
A. The left thinks its an abomination. The right thinks its an abomination. Some in the media claimed the bill was DOA.
Q. What does the middle think?
A. The middle is concerned.
Q. About what?
A. Cost. Coverage. Coops. Cohabitation. Cooties.
Q. So does anyone actually like it?
A. No.
Q. Oh come on!
A. Well, okay. Someone does like it.
Q. I knew it! Who?
A. Your Aunt Lucy. The crazy one. She likes it.
Q. How do you know so much about my crazy aunt?
A. I said she was crazy. I didn't say she was ugly. And she likes
getting mentioned in the press.
Q. Oh, gag me with a spoon. So what now?
A. The Senate Finance Committee will vote on amendments and eventually the bill itself.
Q. What will the bill look like after they vote on 543 amendments?
A. Swiss cheese? A 6-dimensional torus? A Klein bottle? Your guess is as good as mine.
Q. But you're the one answering the questions!
A. Yeah, but I'm not frackin' Harry Seldon.
Q. Okay, okay. Then what?
A. That's the $64,000,000,000 question. In theory, the powers that be in the Senate will create some kind of bill out of whatever comes out of the Senate Finance Committee, what has already come out of the Senate HELP Committee (pdf), and whatever else said powers want to include or excise from the bill.
Q. And then what?
A. The Republicans filibuster it.
Q. Why would they do that?
A. They want to kill your grandmother.
Q. I thought that was the Democrats?
A. Oh, right. Actually they want to break Obama and ship him off to Elba deport him back to Kenya.
Q. Can they succeed in doing that?
A. Deporting him? Not likely. But there is always hope.
Q. No! Forget about deportation. At least until next year. Can they
succeed in filibustering?
A. That depends on a) whether there is a 2nd (Democratic) Senator
from Massachusetts when they try it, and b) whether all the Democratic
Caucus Senators support a filibuster override, or, barring a) and b),
potentially on Senator Olympia Snowe of Maine.
Q. Why her?
A. She is the only Republican even remotely likely to vote for any
health care bill that Democrats support.
Q. And why would that be?
A. Who knows? It might be because Maine voted for Obama over McCain by a margin of 59%-41%. It might be because Obama has a much higher favorability rating right now in Maine than she does. It could be that (same poll) the public option and by association health care reform are seriously popular in Maine.
In any case she basically told the rest of the Republican Party to leave her alone or else. Or not. Depending on how you take what she said.
Q. And what if, for whatever reason, a filibuster can't be overcome?
A. Then Harry Reid, the Senate Majority Leader, has threatened to use the reconciliation process to pass a health care reform bill as part of this coming year's Federal budget, requiring a simply majority (50 + Biden tie break) to pass a bill.
Q. Reid? Threaten? Do those two words belong in the same article, let alone the same sentence?
A. Reid is in deep, deep doo doo. Perhaps he has decided his only hope is to act like a Majority Leader instead of a wimp, spineless wimp, useless, spineless wimp, out-of-touch, useless, spineless wimp. Or not. It's not like anyone in Nevada wants health care reform, just because Nevada has one of the higher rates of non-elderly uninsured in the country, in part due to a record-high unemployment rate.
Q. Well, why didn't they just go with that in the first place, instead of wasting all our time?
A. It's the US Senate. They never do anything if they can help it, and if they can't help it, they try very hard to make it as difficult as possible. And besides, everyone wants a bipartisan bill.
Q. Groan. Let's not go there again. So what's the bottom line?
A. The bottom line is that, while the Senate debates ponders fiddles, insurance companies are figuring out new and ever cleverer ways of gaming the system, such as declaring domestic violence and Caesarean births to be 'pre-existing conditions.'
Q. Wouldn't it make more sense to deport the insurance company execs?
A. Only if they can't produce a birth certificate.
Health Care Q&A, Part II
Q. So, um, how'd that Senate Finance Committee thing work out putting together a bill?
A. You mean the America's healthy Future Act of 2009 ? The bill Senator Baucus announced by his lonesome on Wednesday?
Q. What happened to the Gang of Six? Didn't Baucus spend a bazillion hours trying to get them to agree on something?
A. They became the Gang of One.
Q. Zounds! What happened? Some kind of Christian three-in-one ritual that got the multiplier wrong?
A. Not that I know of, but that's as good a theory as any I've heard.
While we aren't privy to their thoughts and secret communications (though occasionally some things do leak out), what we do know is that Senator Baucus stood alone on Wednesday, September 16h (a day after his previously announced deadline) at the press conference announcing the bill.
Q. No Grassley? No Snowe? No Enzi? No Blitzen?
A. No, not a one. No Democrats (or flying reindeer, for that matter) either.
Q. Not a single Democrat stood with the Democratic Chairman of the Senate Finance Committee as he was announcing possibly the single most important piece of legislation in a decade?
A. Do I hear an echo?
Q. So what do people think of the bill?
A. The left thinks its an abomination. The right thinks its an abomination. Some in the media claimed the bill was DOA.
Q. What does the middle think?
A. The middle is concerned.
Q. About what?
A. Cost. Coverage. Coops. Cohabitation. Cooties.
Q. So does anyone actually like it?
A. No.
Q. Oh come on!
A. Well, okay. Someone does like it.
Q. I knew it! Who?
A. Your Aunt Lucy. The crazy one. She likes it.
Q. How do you know so much about my crazy aunt?
A. I said she was crazy. I didn't say she was ugly. And she likes
getting mentioned in the press.
Q. Oh, gag me with a spoon. So what now?
A. The Senate Finance Committee will vote on amendments and eventually the bill itself.
Q. What will the bill look like after they vote on 543 amendments?
A. Swiss cheese? A 6-dimensional torus? A Klein bottle? Your guess is as good as mine.
Q. But you're the one answering the questions!
A. Yeah, but I'm not frackin' Harry Seldon.
Q. Okay, okay. Then what?
A. That's the $64,000,000,000 question. In theory, the powers that be in the Senate will create some kind of bill out of whatever comes out of the Senate Finance Committee, what has already come out of the Senate HELP Committee (pdf), and whatever else said powers want to include or excise from the bill.
Q. And then what?
A. The Republicans filibuster it.
Q. Why would they do that?
A. They want to kill your grandmother.
Q. I thought that was the Democrats?
A. Oh, right. Actually they want to break Obama and ship him off to Elba deport him back to Kenya.
Q. Can they succeed in doing that?
A. Deporting him? Not likely. But there is always hope.
Q. No! Forget about deportation. At least until next year. Can they
succeed in filibustering?
A. That depends on a) whether there is a 2nd (Democratic) Senator
from Massachusetts when they try it, and b) whether all the Democratic
Caucus Senators support a filibuster override, or, barring a) and b),
potentially on Senator Olympia Snowe of Maine.
Q. Why her?
A. She is the only Republican even remotely likely to vote for any
health care bill that Democrats support.
Q. And why would that be?
A. Who knows? It might be because Maine voted for Obama over McCain by a margin of 59%-41%. It might be because Obama has a much higher favorability rating right now in Maine than she does. It could be that (same poll) the public option and by association health care reform are seriously popular in Maine.
In any case she basically told the rest of the Republican Party to leave her alone or else. Or not. Depending on how you take what she said.
Q. And what if, for whatever reason, a filibuster can't be overcome?
A. Then Harry Reid, the Senate Majority Leader, has threatened to use the reconciliation process to pass a health care reform bill as part of this coming year's Federal budget, requiring a simply majority (50 + Biden tie break) to pass a bill.
Q. Reid? Threaten? Do those two words belong in the same article, let alone the same sentence?
A. Reid is in deep, deep doo doo. Perhaps he has decided his only hope is to act like a Majority Leader instead of a wimp, spineless wimp, useless, spineless wimp, out-of-touch, useless, spineless wimp. Or not. It's not like anyone in Nevada wants health care reform, just because Nevada has one of the higher rates of non-elderly uninsured in the country, in part due to a record-high unemployment rate.
Q. Well, why didn't they just go with that in the first place, instead of wasting all our time?
A. It's the US Senate. They never do anything if they can help it, and if they can't help it, they try very hard to make it as difficult as possible. And besides, everyone wants a bipartisan bill.
Q. Groan. Let's not go there again. So what's the bottom line?
A. The bottom line is that, while the Senate debates ponders fiddles, insurance companies are figuring out new and ever cleverer ways of gaming the system, such as declaring domestic violence and Caesarean births to be 'pre-existing conditions.'
Q. Wouldn't it make more sense to deport the insurance company execs?
A. Only if they can't produce a birth certificate.