Transcript: Psych 3x05 Disco Didn't Die, It Was Murdered
INT. APARTMENT, NIGHT
1978. A MAN is building a bomb using an alarm clock. He places it carefully into a zippered bag.
EXT. APARTMENT, NIGHT
Sgt. HENRY Spencer listens at the door before motioning to his fellow officers.
HENRY:
Okay, come on. Move it out.
One of the officers uses a small ram to smash the door open.
INT. APARTMENT, NIGHT
The MAN gets to his feet and finishes putting the bomb in the bag just as HENRY enters, gun drawn.
HENRY:
Listen, Franks...
FRANKS hugs the bomb to his chest. HENRY sees the bottles of chemicals on the table.
HENRY:
You have the right not to get shot. Make the wrong move, you lose that right. Put down the bomb.
FRANKS puts down the bomb and raises his hands.
HENRY:
Good move.
EXT. SBPD, DAY
A press conference is being held by the CHIEF. HENRY is standing near the podium.
CHIEF:
We recently obtained intelligence of a bomb plot by an anti-government radical. His intended target was this very building. We owe the success of this investigation and, indeed, our very lives to Sergeant Henry Spencer.
There is applause and choruses of “Well done” and “Good job”.
CHIEF:
Sergeant Spencer, would you like to say a few words?
HENRY:
No, thanks, Chief. A police officer doesn't deserve any special attention for just doin' his job.
PRESENT DAY
INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY
SHAWN and GUS enter with a WOMAN who is carrying a notepad.
SHAWN:
You may be able to sense the electricity in the room. That's because our arrival usually signals that a huge case is going down.
VICK is standing in the doorway to her office.
VICK:
Step in here please, gentlemen.
SHAWN:
That's the Chief. She likes the two of us very much.
LASSITER and JULIET are already in the office. VICK sees the WOMAN.
VICK:
I'm sorry, you are?
SHAWN:
Oh, sorry, Chief. I got roped into doing a silly interview
with The Independent. They've been calling and begging for weeks, and I finally relented.
WOMAN:
But... you called me.
SHAWN:
And you called me back, which means we're both right. The important thing is that you got your cover story.
WOMAN:
Actually, this is page 64.
SHAWN:
It really depends on how you fold it, doesn't it?
VICK:
She can't be in here, so get her the hell out.
GUS and VICK go into the office while SHAWN walks the WOMAN around to a different wall.
SHAWN:
Come to think of it, I think you'll probably get a better shot here through this window. Now, try to catch me with a good expression, preferably with this eyebrow raised... like so. Or my serious face. Best-case scenario, snap a shot when my signature look comes up. I call it Señor Gotcha!
WOMAN:
How will I know what that is?
SHAWN:
You'll know. Good luck. We're all counting on you. (leaves)
INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN enters with a sigh.
SHAWN:
Lassie, you're here! I need you...here. (moves LASSITER aside and pulls up the blind so the WOMAN can see) Thank you. (goes over to VICK) Chief, what's up?
VICK:
Mr. Spencer, as you may be aware, a Cal...
SHAWN strikes a pose, putting his foot up on a chair.
VICK:
California prisoner's advocacy... Are you okay?
SHAWN:
Right as rain. (turns and poses for the camera)
VICK:
Long story short, a handful of convictions, some of them decades old, have been recently called into question.
JULIET:
Unfortunately, the biggest one was a Santa Barbara P.D. conviction. (hands VICK the file)
VICK:
So we're reopening the case and launching a new investigation. Now we're hiring y...
SHAWN hits some modeling poses.
VICK:
You to provide us with any psychic leads that you may have. Now, normally, we don't devote department resources to this, but these are... special circumstances. (hands SHAWN the file)
SHAWN:
Could you do the handoff again, Chief?
SHAWN forces VICK to take it again and then he turns to face the WOMAN who snaps a picture.
SHAWN:
Thanks. (opens and reads the file) Oh, no.
GUS:
What is it?
SHAWN:
It's my dad's biggest case.
SHAWN makes an “ugh” face and the WOMAN snaps a photo and gives a thumbs up. SHAWN shakes his head.
**********************************************************************
PSYCH
“Disco Didn’t Die, It Was Murdered”
By
Saladin K. Patterson
STARRING:
James Roday
Dulé Hill
Timothy Omundson
Maggie Lawson
Kirsten Nelson
And
Corbin Bernsen
DIRECTOR
Mel Damski
**********************************************************************
EXT. SBPD, DAY
VICK walks down the stairs with SHAWN and GUS.
VICK:
It goes without saying, Mr. Spencer, that your father is in no way to participate in this investigation. He's no longer on the force, and his meddling could compromise the case in court. Do I make myself clear?
SHAWN:
Yes, you do, Chief. What isn't clear is why people always say, "it goes without saying," yet still feel compelled to say the thing supposed to go without saying. Doesn't that bother you?
VICK:
No. And frankly, I could care less.
GUS:
Now, that's the one that bothers me. Why do people say, "I could care less" when they mean "I couldn't care less"?
VICK:
Why don't you tell me how to properly say this: if you share any official information about this case with your father or let him anywhere near any new evidence, then the two of you will have to find another police department to work for. And I will personally see to it that each of you is charged with obstruction of justice.
GUS:
You split an infinitive.
SHAWN:
Good catch, Gus.
VICK:
You two realize I carry a gun, right?
GUS:
That was perfectly elocuted.
After a look from VICK, they leave.
INT. PSYCH, DAY
SHAWN and GUS walk in the front door.
SHAWN:
My dad's gonna freak when he sees this. We have to go into stealth mode. No taking his calls. This won't hit the news till tomorrow. That should give us a 24-hour head start.
HENRY is at the fridge in the main office.
HENRY:
Hand it over.
SHAWN:
Dad, how did you get in here?
HENRY:
The unlatched window? The unlocked back door? Maybe this key that I made? You choose one.
SHAWN:
What do you want?
HENRY:
I dropped by to share my new chocolate chip raisin bread recipe with you, Shawn. What do you think? I know Chief Vick just gave you the new Franks case. Why don't you let me take a look at what you're hiding in that folder so I can get moving on this?
SHAWN holds the folder behind him.
SHAWN:
Okay, you're right. Chief Vick did just hire us. But there is no way…
GUS:
Nope.
SHAWN:
…that I'm showing you what's in this folder.
HENRY:
You're lucky I'm asking you. I could do this the simple way. I could grab it, clean up any evidence of struggle before you and your friend knew what hit you.
SHAWN:
In some states, that's child abuse.
GUS:
I think all of them.
SHAWN:
Look, Chief Vick made it clear that you, specifically, were to come nowhere near this case.
HENRY:
This shouldn't even be a case. The son of a bitch was let out on some microcrap problem with my search warrant.
GUS:
Everybody makes mistakes.
HENRY:
(angrily) There was no mistake! (points at GUS)
SHAWN:
Whoa.
SHAWN at GUS sit at their respective desks.
HENRY:
It was the 70's. We did what we had to do. But only when we knew we had the right guy, and I got the right guy. Period.
SHAWN:
Okay. You got the right guy. Still doesn't mean I'm gonna put you on this case. Nor would I even want to. Dad, you have no idea how Gus and I roll... Gus, tell him.
HENRY:
You know what? You go ahead and handle this half-assed like you do everything else. But you bear this in mind. (to GUS) This case is important to a lot of people who could have died if he had blown up our headquarters. (to SHAWN) It should be important to their family members too. (leaves)
SHAWN:
Whoa. (puts file in drawer) Never seen my dad beg before.
GUS:
That's how he begs?
SHAWN:
He's clearly not gonna let this go. So, look, if we're gonna investigate this thing undisturbed, we're gonna have to jump a few steps, fill in the blanks when we're done. We should go straight to the D.A.'s office.
INT. DA’S OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN and GUS sit down on either side of a man reading a newspaper.
HENRY:
Beat you by eight minutes. (lowers paper) Not too embarrassing.
SHAWN and GUS stand quickly.
SHAWN:
Dad, I knew you would come and try to investigate this on your own. Do you have any idea how dangerous this is?
HENRY:
Why? I'm a tax-paying, voting citizen. Therefore, I have a right to speak to any elected official, such as the D.A., I please.
SHAWN:
You don't have to be a tax-paying, voting citizen, do you?
RECEPTIONIST:
May I help you?
The three of them hurry over to the booth.
SHAWN:
Yes. My name is Shawn Spencer. I am the head psychic for the Santa Barbara Police Department. And that is my partner...
HENRY:
Yeah, yeah, that's his partner, Methuselah Honeysuckle, which makes me Old Scratch Johnson. We need to see copies of the original court transcripts for the Eugene Franks case.
RECEPTIONIST:
I'm not sure I can release those.
SHAWN sees a photo of the man with his wife and baby, a selection of paint slips and a boxed Louisville Slugger.
SHAWN:
I'm getting a very soft, cuddly vibe here. It seems like you and your wife are...
HENRY:
They're gonna have another kid. It's a boy. Congratulations. Do yourselves a favor. Don't call it Shawn. Problems. More importantly, according to the Freedom of Information Act, those transcripts are available for viewing. So...
RECEPTIONIST:
Very well. Good point. I'll have our records department make copies.
SHAWN:
Thank you very much.
The RECEPTIONIST takes off his headset and leaves.
SHAWN:
You know, you're putting a damper on the proceedings.
HENRY:
You call it a damper. I call it working…
SHAWN pulls HENRY away from the booth.
SHAWN:
All right, that's it. Come here. All right, I need you to hear me, okay? If you insist on staying involved in this case, there are going to be rules. I was hired by the police department, therefore, it is my ass on the line, and those rules will be made by me. You are no longer a cop. And unless you plan on going back to the Academy climbing the wall, doing the obstacle course where you shoot the bad guys, but not the lady with the sack or the guy with the cane or the squirrel with the tail and the big, fat nut... That started off well.
GUS:
It really fell apart at the end. You should have had a name for the wall or something.
SHAWN:
What I'm saying is that you need to listen to me, is what I'm saying.
HENRY:
All right, Shawn. Point taken. You got a deal. (walks past SHAWN to the door)
SHAWN:
(calls after HENRY) That means you're workin' for me now. Why don't you grab some coffee for us? Black.
HENRY’S already out the door.
GUS:
Two sugars.
SHAWN:
(calls) Two sugars!
INT. PSYCH, DAY
SHAWN and HENRY are sitting at his desk looking over the documents of the Franks case.
SHAWN:
I don't understand... You guys had to handwrite everything? What if you need multiple copies?
GUS sits on the corner of his own desk.
HENRY:
Well, we had one computer, but it took up the entire second floor. Generally, we would use the mimeo machine. (looks at the document in SHAWN’S hand)
SHAWN:
How long did that take, a week?
HENRY:
All the high-tech fancy gadgets they use today don't solve crimes any better than we did. A good detective is born with all the tools he needs right here. (points to his forehead)
The office phone rings and SHAWN looks at the caller ID before answering.
SHAWN:
Hello. Chief, what's the good w... My dad, down at the D.A.'s office? (looks at HENRY who waves his hands in the negative) No, I-I don't think so. I think I can clear this up for ya, Chief. That wasn't my dad. That was Phil Collins. We saw Phil down at the courthouse. My dad gets mistaken for him all the time.
HENRY:
(whispers) I don't look... Shawn, I don't look anything like Phil Collins.
SHAWN and GUS both shush him.
SHAWN:
No, I'm... I'm fairly certain about this, Chief. He was humming “Invisible Touch”, if that helps you. No, I- I wasn't aware that Phil Collins lives in Switzerland. (covers the phone and talks to GUS) How does she know so much about Phil Collins?
GUS:
I don't know.
SHAWN:
Yes. I do hear you. I will make sure he stays away. (ends call) Love you too. (slams phone into stand) Do you see? Do you see? We have to be more careful…
HENRY:
Okay, hot shot! All right, I get it. Tell me what you can glean from this. (puts paper on the desk in front of him)
SHAWN:
You'd like to know what I can glean?
HENRY:
Glean.
SHAWN looks at the paper and sees only “Exhibit A” listed.
SHAWN:
The D.A. arrested after only submitting the initial evidence?
HENRY:
Correct-a-mundo. The evidence I uncovered in that department was so strong, the D.A. didn't need anything else to get a conviction.
GUS:
But all the evidence is poisonous fruit because of the search warrant.
HENRY:
This evidence, yes. Good thing I got a different warrant for the second round and the D.A. didn't submit any of that stuff which means we can use that now. All the high-tech gadgets in the world won't tell you that, will it?
SHAWN:
(gets a drink from the fridge) We gotta get the Chief to let us into the county archives so we can take a look at that evidence. Gus, gimme your keys.
GUS:
That would be a no. Ogletree's checking my mileage.
HENRY:
We'll take my truck. (stands)
SHAWN:
No, we won't. That raises the chances of you being seen again. We'll have to take my motorcycle. I've always wanted to try threesies. Who wants the handlebars? Gus? Feels like you.
GUS:
No.
HENRY:
Yeah, that shouldn't draw any attention. We'll cab it.
SHAWN:
Fine. It's funny. It's usually me who can't show my face in public.
INT. EVIDENCE LOCKUP, DAY
SHAWN, GUS and HENRY are looking at some boxes on a table.
GUS:
Just think, the contents inside these boxes could determine whether someone spends the rest of their life in jail.
SHAWN:
Catch.
SHAWN throws a hammer at GUS who catches it.
SHAWN:
Better hope they don't reopen the Handyman Killer case. Your fingerprints are all over the murder weapon.
GUS:
(drops the hammer) That's not funny, Shawn!
SHAWN:
Dude, I'm kidding. It's not really evidence. It was just lying here. (flips through a notebook)
GUS:
Well, stop it. You know I'm afraid that being wrongfully convicted is the tragic way my story ends.
HENRY:
(brings over a box) Would you two girls stop bitching and see what we got here?
SHAWN:
What is this stuff?
HENRY:
Various possessions, personal effects of Eugene's we found after he was arrested. (opens box) All right, what do we got here? Pawn ticket made out to Eugene a few days before he was arrested.
SHAWN:
(reads ticket) "Goldstein's Pawn". Anybody?
GUS:
Wait. That place is still around.
HENRY:
Desperate people pawn things. Let's see what Eugene pawned and never got back, huh?
SHAWN pulls the ticket out of HENRY’S hands.
INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY
VICK is standing in front of JULIET and LASSITER.
VICK:
Two new cases just came in. One involves an international diamond smuggling ring.
LASSITER:
Sweet!
JULIET:
Bingo!
VICK:
The other involves fraudulent permits at a plastics factory.
JULIET and LASSITER groan and make faces.
VICK:
Well, I'll leave it up to the two of you to decide who gets which. (hands them each a file and leaves)
LASSITER:
(turns to JULIET) I am the head detective.
JULIET:
(faces LASSITER) Who owes me. I covered your butt on last month's paperwork.
LASSITER:
Damn it. (looks around and sees BUZZ) Follow my lead. McNab! Get over here!
BUZZ walks over.
LASSITER:
I don't know, O’Hara. I don't think he's ready.
JULIET:
Yeah, I... I don't think he is either.
BUZZ:
No. I'm ready.
LASSITER:
All right. McNab, how would you like to do some real police work?
BUZZ:
I'd love to.
LASSITER:
Now, technically, you'll be working under Detective O’Hara and myself, but we'll let you take the lead on this. (gives BUZZ a file)
JULIET:
It will be such a good experience for you. It might even earn you a spot on the detective bureau someday.
BUZZ stands a little straighter and looks over at LASSITER who shrugs.
BUZZ:
Wow! Thanks, guys. This means a lot. The fact that you think so highly of me to trust me...
LASSITER:
Yeah, yeah, we love you. Get back to work.
BUZZ smiles and walks away. LASSITER and JULIET look knowingly at each other.
INT. PAWN SHOP, DAY
HENRY, SHAWN and GUS stand at the counter as GOLDSTEIN reads the ticket.
GOLDSTEIN:
This ticket is from 30 years ago when my dad ran the shop. I'll have to go look through the box. (walks to shelves)
SHAWN:
The box? What do you think the box is? A giant room like in “Raiders”?
GUS:
I think it's a box.
SHAWN:
Secret catacombs underneath the building like in “National Treasure”?
GUS:
Shame on you for knowing that.
GOLDSTEIN:
(returns with box) This is where we keep all the old unclaimed stuff from over the years.
GUS:
As I said, a box.
SHAWN:
What do you think's inside the box?
GUS:
Will you calm down?
SHAWN:
I can't, man! There's stuff in there! All kinds of stuff, old stuff, shiny stuff, secret stuff... How come you're not as excited as me?
GUS:
Because I'm not a raccoon.
SHAWN:
You look like a raccoon.
GOLDSTEIN:
Hey, you're in luck. This ticket here matches this old receipt. Not a lot of info on it, I'm afraid.
SHAWN takes the receipt and reads a long number.
HENRY:
I know what that...
SHAWN:
Sshh, let me get it.
HENRY:
Right. Your case.
SHAWN:
Oh, I'm getting something here. Oh, this is intense. I can see Eugene. He's desperate, he's sweating nervously, he's stinky! He wants to get rid of something, cover his tracks, hide where he's been. So, he brings in the title to his car! That must be the Vehicle Identification Number right in there.
HENRY:
(whispers) Right. Whose benefit was that for?
SHAWN:
(whispers) Don't ever question my methods in front of a civilian. OK? Never do that.
HENRY:
Come here.
HENRY pushes SHAWN and GUS over to an area of the shop away from the counter.
HENRY:
I always thought that Eugene was gonna use the car in a bomb plot. That was a common M.O. back then. He probably pawned the title to cover his tracks.
GOLDSTEIN:
If nobody reclaimed the title, we would have sold it.
The trio goes into a tight huddle.
GUS:
We could use the VIN number to track where it ended up.
SHAWN:
That could take us all over the city or the state, for that matter, thus increasing the chances that you'll be seen by someone you work with and you being caught by the police.
They all sigh in frustration. SHAWN looks around the shop.
SHAWN:
Unless... (goes to a rack of clothes and pulls out a pair of pants) Nobody recognizes us.
EXT. PAWN SHOP, DAY
HENRY, GUS and SHAWN exit wearing 70s outfits. They walk down the street.
GUS:
I feel ridiculous.
HENRY:
Speak for yourself. I've got this shirt at home. His mother used to love it.
GUS:
Yeah, like 30 years ago.
HENRY:
Kid, I wore it to lunch last week.
EXT. USED CAR LOT, DAY
HENRY spots the car.
HENRY:
There it is.
MAN:
It's been sittin' in some old lady's backyard for dang near 30 years.
HENRY:
You got the keys? Let's take a look inside.
MAN:
Make me an offer and it's yours.
HENRY:
You gotta be kiddin'.
The MAN holds his arms out in an extended shrug.
SHAWN:
Just... give us a second here. (pulls the others away for a sidebar) How much money do we have between us?
HENRY:
What? (pulls out wallet) I think I got about... 50 bucks.
GUS:
I got about $400 between my wallet and my sock. (pulls money from sock) It's my "just in case" money.
SHAWN:
All right. (takes their money) Add in what I have, and we've got about... (pretends to add) $450.
HENRY:
(reaches for money) All right, let me go talk to him.
SHAWN:
Uh, uh, uh. You stand down, Popeye Doyle. I'll handle this. (walks over to MAN) Got about $450 here. Now, how much is this gonna cost me?
MAN:
$450.
SHAWN:
Done.
SHAWN slaps the money into the MAN’S hand. The MAN walks away and SHAWN turns to the others with a laugh.
SHAWN:
He's good!
GUS:
Nice goin', Shawn. That was all of our money.
HENRY:
That's what happens when you send in the one guy who's never bought a car before.
SHAWN:
We had exactly enough.
GUS opens the driver’s door while HENRY walks around to the passenger side.
HENRY:
All right, look at it this way, Gus. It isn't a car, it's a time machine. (starts looking in the back seat) This little kitty's gonna tell us about Eugene 30 years ago.
GUS:
Well, looks like a car to me. And if I bought it, I'm drivin' it. That means my same car rules apply. (sits in driver’s seat) Wipe your shoes before entering. No slamming doors. (adjusts the seat) No food. (the seat lies back flat)
SHAWN grunts as he tries to open the hood. He gives up and wipes his hands together.
SHAWN:
Looks good up here.
SHAWN then spots a partial faded decal in the corner of the windshield. It looks like a stylized rearing horse.
INT. CAR, DAY
HENRY pulls down the back seat to reveal a welded panel. He sees a join at the top.
HENRY:
Doesn't look like factory soldering. (pulls down the panel to reveal a cubby) Smuggler's hatch. (picks up old roll of film and laughs)
EXT. USED CAR LOT, DAY
HENRY stands and holds up the film.
HENRY:
Gotta get this down to the crime lab.
SHAWN:
Uh, uh, uh.
HENRY:
Let me guess. This is where we take one step back before involving the police.
SHAWN:
We need to see what's on that film first. (holds up his right hand)
HENRY throws the film but GUS catches it instead.
SHAWN:
That's how we roll.
SHAWN attempts to slide across the hood on his butt in a cool 70s move but fails. He pushes himself to the other side and stands, clearing his throat.
SHAWN:
(gets into the car) Gonna need a tetanus shot.
EXT. STREET, DAY
HENRY exits the store with the envelope of developed photos.
HENRY:
Got it. Miracle anything came out.
SHAWN takes the envelope and opens it as HENRY leans against the car. GUS is wiping it down with a cloth. Some of the photos are double-exposed and some have the “burned” effect. Most seem to be of Franks posing with the car.
SHAWN:
Whoa, this guy really loved his car, huh?
GUS:
After seeing it all cleaned up, I like it too. In fact, I love it.
SHAWN finds a picture of Franks with another man and woman in militia gear posing with rifles.
SHAWN:
Bingo! You think these two other ones could have had something to do with the bombing?
HENRY:
From the AK-47s they're holding, they had something to do with something. I think it's worth checkin' out.
SHAWN:
There's no telling where they are, if they're even still around.
HENRY:
You know, back then, I used to have this snitch working for me. His name was Pookie. Real weasel. The guy would turn on his Siamese twin for a buck. If these two had anything to do with this, Pookie's the guy who would have known.
SHAWN and GUS smile at the name.
SHAWN:
(clears throat) Sorry. What... What was his name?
HENRY:
Pookie.
GUS:
(laughs) Do you know where we can find this...
HENRY:
Pookie.
SHAWN and GUS laugh.
HENRY:
Yeah, his name is... His name is Pookie Wiggington, and I know where to find him. What's so funny?
SHAWN:
(still laughing) Stop, please! Nothing's funny, you just... But you're keepin' it real right now.
GUS:
Right on.
HENRY:
Let's see if we can find Pookie.
SHAWN and GUS bend over laughing.
HENRY:
See if he still remembers the'70s.
EXT. DANCE CLUB, NIGHT
The car pulls into the lot then turns and skids perfectly into a parking space. The three step out of the car somewhat unsteadily. SHAWN grips the door.
SHAWN:
(looks sick) If that had been on purpose, that would have been totally cool.
GUS:
I need to get that power steering fixed. Not to mention the seat is jammed all the way to the front and makes my entire left side fall asleep. (walks like 70s cool)
They walk to the entrance of the club.
INT. DANCE CLUB, NIGHT
The club is decorated like the 70s and disco is playing. Everyone is dressed like the 70s as well.
DJ:
And remember, tomorrow night will be Ladies' Night at the Top Flight Dance Club, where it's the'70s every night!
SHAWN:
Don't worry! I think Pookie remembers the'70s just fine. By the way, I'm just puttin' this out there. Once we re-solve this case, preserve your legacy as a detective, you don't have to say thank you. No biggie.
HENRY:
Course it is. Heck, let me say it right now. Thank you, Gus.
GUS:
You're welcome. (takes off sunglasses)
HENRY:
(sees a black man up by the DJ) That's Pookie. Let's go.
HENRY walks away, and, after a shared glance, SHAWN and GUS follow. They meet up with POOKIE behind a beaded curtain.
POOKIE:
Officer Spencer. Long time no see. What brings you gentlemen to my establishment?
SHAWN:
Well, Mr. Pookie…
GUS laughs.
SHAWN:
As you may have heard, the D.A. recently overturned the conviction on the Eugene Franks bombing case.
POOKIE:
Maybe I heard. Maybe I didn't.
SHAWN:
Right. We're lookin' for information on a few people that might have used to run with old Eugene.
POOKIE:
Sorry. I don't know what you're talkin' about.
HENRY:
All right. I know how this works. Hit the other sock. Give him some money.
POOKIE:
No offense, guys, but I don't need your pocket change.
SHAWN:
(puts hands to his head) Mr. Pookie, I can see two of Eugene's partners in crime, a man and a woman. Dangerous, highly skilled with military weapons, but not U.S. military, smuggled weapons.
POOKIE:
I used to trip like that, always looking for the escape.
HENRY:
Pookie, he's cool. He's... Psychic.
POOKIE:
Really? Then I can dig it. Spiritual.
SHAWN:
Yeah.
POOKIE:
(taps forehead) Third eye.
SHAWN:
(points) That's where it is.
POOKIE:
You guys are deep. Like me. Gimme five.
POOKIE and GUS slap hands.
POOKIE:
So, listen, you were dead on it. Check this out. The cats you were describing ran with Eugene, all right. There were two of 'em. Derek Ford, white guy, stringy hair, and his old lady Melanie, really fine. I got shot over a white girl like that once. Anyway, they were together in a militant organization with Eugene called S.A.G., Soldiers Against Government. They were into all kind of radical stuff.
SHAWN:
Why would Eugene go all those years and not rat them out?
POOKIE:
Word on the street was that SAG was ruthless. Nobody dared cross them, not even one of their own.
HENRY walks away from the table, dejected.
SHAWN:
So, Eugene was just a patsy?
POOKIE:
You didn't hear it from me. No, them suckers are dangerous!
SHAWN sighs as he walks over to HENRY who is leaning on another table.
HENRY:
He had partners. My biggest bust, and I was wrong.
SHAWN makes to put a hand on HENRY’S shoulder, but his father waves him off and he rubs his head instead.
EXT. SBPD, DAY
A disheveled LASSITER slams the car door shut and turns to face an equally disheveled JULIET.
LASSITER:
Everything hurts.
JULIET:
(rubs her upper arm) You had to be a tough guy and go in first. Let's just fill out the incident report and be done with this fiasco. Ow.
INT. SBPD, DAY
LASSITER and JULIET trudge into the station. BUZZ spots them.
BUZZ:
(walks with them) What happened to you guys?
LASSITER:
The diamond smuggling case that Detective O’Hara wanted to take didn't go quite as planned.
JULIET:
That I wanted to take? You're the one who insisted on it, Mr. Head Detective.
LASSITER:
(sighs) Basically, we conducted a stake out to catch the smugglers red-handed, but when we opened the cargo container to seize the evidence, we discovered we had the wrong one.
JULIET:
This one belonged to exotic animal smugglers, and it was filled with wild marmosets.
LASSITER:
I hate marmosets.
JULIET:
Apparently, they don't like being shot at.
LASSITER:
No, apparently not.
JULIET:
All I can remember after that are hundreds of those tiny, razor-sharp claws and teeth!
LASSITER:
Lower primate, my ass. I recognize a military formation when I see one.
BUZZ:
You'll be happy to know that case you gave me took a fun turn.
LASSITER:
(sarcastically) That's great!
LASSITER and JULIET walk around either side of BUZZ.
BUZZ:
It turns out that plastics factory was a front for real-life sea pirates. (grins and walks away)
LASSITER and JULIET stop and turn around.
JULIET:
You're kidding.
BUZZ:
No. They've been using high-tech boats and GPS to rob freighters in the shipping lanes. Now, I'm teaming up with the Coast Guard for a showdown off the Santa Barbara coast.
LASSITER:
On the high seas?
BUZZ:
Appears so.
JULIET and LASSITER exchange a look.
LASSITER:
Aw, gosh! I'm sorry, Buzz, but... you need a certain level of clearance to work with the Coast Guard. It's... It's department rules. (slaps BUZZ lightly on the arm)
BUZZ:
Really?
JULIET:
Yeah. Yeah, I'm afraid we're gonna have to take over from here. But good work on getting us to this point.
BUZZ:
Oh. Well, it was fun while it lasted.
JULIET:
Yeah.
LASSITER:
(takes file from BUZZ) Yeah. Good work, buddy.
LASSITER and JULIET walk away from BUZZ.
LASSITER:
(whispers) We're gonna capture pirates!
JULIET:
(whispers) I know!
They slap each other’s hand.
JULIET:
Ow!
LASSITER:
Almost makes up for the rabies shots.
JULIET:
Almost.
They walk off in different directions.
EXT. HENRY’S HOUSE, YARD, DAY
HENRY is raking as SHAWN watches. They are back in their regular clothes.
HENRY:
Let's face it, Shawn. I blew the case.
SHAWN:
You're quitting on me?
HENRY:
I'm not quitting. I just realized that maybe Chief Vick is right. I should stay out of it.
SHAWN:
Dad, this was your big case.
HENRY:
(laughs) My big case? My big bust? You see, that's the problem right there. That's how I started seeing it. But, in reality, it's a Santa Barbara P.D. case and always has been. (puts down rack)
SHAWN:
You don't believe that.
HENRY:
A good detective knows when to let it go. That's a lesson both you and I could learn right now. (goes inside)
EXT. HENRY’S HOUSE, DRIVEWAY, DAY
SHAWN walks around to where GUS is waiting by the car.
GUS:
Where's your dad?
SHAWN:
He's not coming. He says it's to protect the case, but I can tell it's really bumming him out that he got fooled 30 years ago.
They get in the car.
SHAWN:
I can't believe I'm about to say this, but instead of lording over him that this is our case, our rules, I think we have to convince him that we can't solve this thing without him.
GUS:
How do we do that?
SHAWN:
Most likely, through the use of trickery.
INT. CAR, DAY
SHAWN and GUS are driving through a neighborhood, HENRY is in the backseat.
HENRY:
What kind of wood are we gonna use for these bookshelves, Gus?
GUS:
Uh, cypress?
SHAWN:
Cypress? Really?
GUS:
It's a good wood. It's what Noah's ark was made of.
HENRY:
You wanna use something that breathes a little more. But don't worry, we'll hit a lumberyard on the way there. At least I get a chance to use my new laser level.
GUS pulls into the driveway of a typical suburban house.
HENRY:
Gus, why are we stopping here?
GUS:
No reason. I just randomly selected this spot.
HENRY:
Don't be a smart-ass. You're reading an address of a piece of paper, we're sitting in somebody's driveway. Whose house is this?
An SUV drives slowly up the road as they talk.
SHAWN:
Okay, look, Dad. Actually, we're dropping in on some people that we know.
They hear screeching tires and look to see the SUV pulling away.
GUS:
Shawn, I think that's them!
HENRY:
What the hell is going on?
SHAWN:
Don't lose 'em! Go! Go, go, go! Come on!
GUS reverses and turns out of the driveway, losing a hubcap as he does. They chase the other car through the neighborhood until GUS blocks the road with the car.
GUS:
So, what do we do now?
SHAWN:
I don't know. I've never cornered anyone before.
EXT. STREET, DAY
SHAWN and GUS get out of the car. GUS has the laser level in his hand.
SHAWN:
Whoo! You better hope they're not uneven in there.
They approach the other car.
GUS:
I'm gonna blind 'em with the laser, Shawn.
SHAWN leans forward to tap on the passenger window the backs away quickly. GUS raises the laser. The window rolls down and we see an older couple - 50s or 60s.
WOMAN:
May we help you?
SHAWN:
(approaches car) Derek and Melanie Ford? Or should I say, "Soldiers Against Government"?
INT. FORD HOUSE, KITCHEN, DAY
MELANIE is chopping vegetables. DEREK gets SHAWN and GUS something to drink.
DEREK:
You sure your father doesn't want to come inside?
Through a window we see HENRY leaning against the car in the driveway.
SHAWN:
Oh, no, no, no. He's clinically insane and a biter.
DEREK:
Sorry again about running from you guys. But when we saw the Mercury Cougar in the driveway, we just figured it was Eugene coming after us for revenge.
GUS:
Revenge for what?
DEREK:
He thinks that we set him up to take the rap for the police headquarters bombing.
MELANIE:
We know he's been asking around town about us, trying to figure out our whereabouts. We thought he'd finally found us.
SHAWN:
Well, don't you worry about that. You help us with this investigation, we will make sure the police protect you from your old pal.
DEREK:
Thank you.
MELANIE:
Tell him everything, honey.
DEREK:
After Eugene got arrested 30 years ago, we freaked out, and we stopped our radical ways.
MELANIE:
We became Soldiers for Government and we built this great life.
DEREK:
You have to believe us. We had nothing to do with setting Eugene up. I mean, we were all brainwashed. We were all caught up in the movement.
GUS:
Do you know of anyone else who would have wanted to set him up?
We hear the knife slice and MELANIE cries out.
MELANIE:
Oh! (pinches her finger and sucks on it)
DEREK:
Honey, are you okay?
MELANIE:
Mmm. Oh, yeah. Oh! I cut myself pretty good. I, uh, excuse me. I'm gonna have to go put something on this. (leaves)
SHAWN sees some mail on the counter and one envelope has the same logo as the decal on Eugene’s car.
DEREK:
I’m sorry.
SHAWN:
We should get going.
DEREK:
Oh, no!
SHAWN:
No. no, no. Thank you for your cooperation. (shakes DEREK’S hand) And rest assured, Eugene will not learn of your whereabouts. Thanks again.
DEREK:
Yes.
GUS shakes DEREK’S hand on his way out.
SHAWN:
(calls) Hope your finger feels better!
MELANIE:
(calls) Thank you!
SHAWN and GUS leave.
EXT. DRIVEWAY, DAY
SHAWN:
Good news, Pop! The trail is hot again.
HENRY:
Like I said, count me out.
GUS gets in the car.
SHAWN:
Damn it, Dad! Do you have to be so prideful all the time? So, you made a mistake 30 years ago. Nobody cares. Just get over it.
GUS gets out of the car.
HENRY:
Not everybody's as comfortable screwin' up as you are, kid.
SHAWN:
I'm comfortable 'cos my mistakes were the only thing that was ever pointed out to me.
SHAWN starts to get in the car, but HENRY pulls him back. GUS gets into the car again. GUS gets out again.
HENRY:
Here we go, here we go. Would you put away the violin? I pointed out the good stuff, Shawn, but usually, you were too busy bragging and showing off to take notice.
GUS:
Enough! I'm sick of you two fighting all the time! Listen, Mr. Spencer, Shawn needs you on the case because, frankly, you're old, and we were barely even alive during the'70s. And Shawn, your dad needs you on the case because even though you can be annoying, you actually have a brilliant idea every now and then. But you're both too damn stubborn to admit you need each other. Now can we go, please? Thank you. (gets in the car and slams the door)
HENRY:
Is he always such a know-it-all?
SHAWN:
You don't know the half of it. Very preachy.
LATER…
INT. CAR, DAY
HENRY:
So, tell me what you have.
SHAWN:
I think there's another SAG member out there.
GUS:
How do you know that?
SHAWN:
Did you see Melanie when we asked her if there was anyone else who'd want to set up Eugene? She cut herself right there, right there on the spot.
HENRY:
Yeah, no, no. Maybe they were telling you what they wanted you to know, not what you needed to know.
SHAWN:
I think they're protecting somebody from Eugene.
GUS:
But there were only three people in the picture.
SHAWN:
No, there was four. The three of them and whoever took the picture.
HENRY:
Maybe they're protecting an old mentor.
SHAWN:
I'm pretty sure that Eugene met Derek and Melanie when they were all students at Santa Barbara University. Let's see if they shared any professors or advisors or RAs. RA, that's a thing, right?
GUS:
It is.
SHAWN:
Okay, let's do this. Back to undercover.
EXT, SBU, COURTYARD, DAY
They are back in their 70s clothes. SHAWN is on the phone.
SHAWN:
Got it. Thank you, Jules. (closes phone and they walk towards entrance) All right, according to Juliet, University records show that our SAG members only shared one professor, and that is Dr. Richard Colbert.
INT. SBU, HALL, DAY
They enter the hall and spot Colbert’s office.
SHAWN:
(knocks) Doctor Colbert?
SHAWN tries the door and it’s unlocked. They go inside.
INT. SBU, COLBERT’S OFFICE, DAY
They walk past a bulletin board and some file cabinets. SHAWN tries a drawer but it’s locked. They stop, and, in unison, remove their sunglasses. Colbert is dead on the floor. SHAWN spots something up one of his nostrils and sees a cloth on a counter.
SHAWN:
I think Eugene got here before we did.
EXT, SBU, COURTYARD, DAY
BUZZ greets LASSITER and JULIET as they arrive on scene.
BUZZ:
I've been waiting for you guys.
LASSITER:
Yeah, we got your call when we were out on the open ocean chasing down our sea pirates at flank. That's a nautical term for maximum speed.
JULIET:
We cordoned the private vessel before they could club haul, that's the nautical term for evasive maneuver, and make it to international waters.
BUZZ:
That sounds awesome. What do modern-day sea pirates look like?
JULIET:
We have no idea. Apparently, once you get three miles out, it's out of our jurisdiction, so the coast guard has us sequestered to a tiny, windowless cabin on the lubber deck.
LASSITER:
Yeah, apparently that's a nautical term for “place they send you to puke”.
JULIET:
Had to wash my hair three times.
LASSITER:
Still sorry about that.
JULIET:
Let's do this.
They enter the building.
INT. SBU, COLBERT’S OFFICE, DAY
Forensics are already there going over the scene.
JULIET:
So, what do we have here?
BUZZ:
The deceased is one Dr. Richard Colbert. Male, 60 years old, professor of chemistry. Apparently, he died from a lab accident involving poisonous hydrochloric acid fumes.
SHAWN and GUS enter as BUZZ is talking.
LASSITER:
When will people ever learn that alcohol and hydrochloric acid don't mix?
GUS:
Technically, they do. See, the hydrogen atoms in the acid form a loose bond with the chlorine...
LASSITER:
What the hell are you wearing?
SHAWN:
Ooooh! I'm gettin' some serious jive, and it is fly.
GUS makes a buzzing sound. Behind BUZZ, we can see HENRY through a window in the hall.
SHAWN:
I can see the struggle. There's a rag on Colbert's face. It was him who masterminded the bombing, 30 years ago. He set Eugene up. And Eugene has murdered him in revenge.
As SHAWN is talking, HENRY looks at the bottles of chemicals and remembers the night of the bust. He waves his hat to get SHAWN’S attention.
SHAWN:
But wait, there's more! Ooh! Yeah, the feel is strong. (walks over to the counter near HENRY) Oooh! I am gettin' it! And it is a bad mother...
GUS:
Shut your mouth!
SHAWN:
I'm havin' a vision.
GUS:
I can dig it.
SHAWN turns to watch HENRY and tries to guess what he’s saying with hand motions like a horrible game of charades.
SHAWN:
Ooh! It's a… It’s a big birthday cake!
GUS:
Ooh! Make a wish! What?
SHAWN:
Bomb. Eugene's built another bomb! He built it here in the lab! That's how he's gonna exact his revenge on the remaining members of SAG! We've gotta stop him now!
Nobody moves.
SHAWN:
That…That's all I got. The jive's over. We should go before people explode.
Everybody runs out.
EXT. STREET, DAY
A black-and-white patrol car races down the road, siren on, followed by LASSITER’S car and then GUS’ car. They stop in front of the Fords’ house. Two cars are already there.
EXT. DRIVEWAY, DAY
As the new arrivals get out of their respective cars, two officers bring EUGENE around from the backyard. One is carrying a bag.
OFFICER:
Found him lookin' around out back. Must have hidden this under the house. (hands LASSITER the bag)
LASSITER:
(opens the bag) We got a bomb! (puts bag on the ground) Which... hasn't been activated.
EUGENE sighs.
LASSITER:
(to OFFICER) Call the bomb squad.
The OFFICER walks away, talking into his radio.
LASSITER:
Eugene, looks like you've been up to your old tricks.
EUGENE:
(scoffs) I'm only here because they called me saying they were finally ready to come clean.
The Fords are clinging to each other, watching the proceedings. The OFFICER returns and takes up his position at EUGENE’S side.
LASSITER:
Invited guests don't go snoopin' around the back, do they?
EUGENE:
I was just checking to see if anybody was home. I swear!
LASSITER:
Save it for the trial. You're under arrest for the murder of Richard Colbert.
The officers start to lead EUGENE away.
EUGENE:
Wait, wait! Colbert's dead?
LASSITER:
And the attempted murder of Derek and Melanie Ford.
DEREK:
Thank God, you stopped him in time.
SHAWN sees MELANIE place her hand on DEREK’S shoulder and her finger is perfectly fine, not bandaged like it should have been.
>>>FLASHBACK>>>
INT. FORD HOUSE, KITCHEN, DAY
MELANIE:
I cut myself pretty good. I, uh, excuse me. I'm gonna have to go put something on this.
INT. CAR, DAY
HENRY:
Maybe they were telling you what they wanted you to know, not what you needed to know.
>>>END FLASHBACK>>>
It falls into place for SHAWN.
SHAWN:
Whoa. (taps GUS on the chest before approaching the Fords) Lies! Lies! Lies! Lies! Yeah! You two. You were two young kids in way over your head with the militant SAG so you used Eugene as a scapegoat, didn't you? Set him up to take the fall for the police headquarters bombing so you could make a clean break. But then you heard he got out early, and you were afraid he'd come track you down and expose your criminal past.
>>>FLASHBACK>>>
INT. FORD HOUSE, KITCHEN, DAY
MELANIE:
We know he's been asking around town about us, trying to figure out our whereabouts. We thought he'd finally found us.
>>>END FLASHBACK>>>
SHAWN:
Because of the four members of SAG, only two of you are doin' okay for yourselves. Eugene has lost 30 years, and he will be marked as a criminal forever. And Dr. Colbert, his drinking destroyed his career. But you two, your life is picture-perfect. And you would kill to protect it. First, it was Dr. Colbert. His guilt-ridden conscience and drunk mouth would cause him to confess everything to Eugene. And then the plan was simple. Frame Eugene for that murder, and then blow Eugene up right along with all the traces to your past so you could move on to a very bright, white pickety future.
MELANIE:
That's a preposterous theory. Preposterous!
DEREK:
You have no proof.
SHAWN:
Oh, really? What if I did somethin' like this? (presses a few buttons and activates bomb)
LASSITER:
Spencer, what did you just do?
SHAWN:
In exactly one minute, we will all be blown to smithereens or the people responsible for making that bomb will deactivate it.
DEREK:
Don't look at me. He's crazy.
EUGENE:
Yeah, I don't know how to do it either.
LASSITER:
I demand that someone disarm this bomb right now!
GUS runs away. Officers clear the area of spectators. Everyone looks at the bomb as the seconds tick away. SHAWN looks up calmly from his watch to DEREK who breaks and stops the bomb. There are four seconds left. SHAWN leans against one of the cars.
LASSITER:
Arrest them.
Come on. (pulls DEREK up)
LASSITER:
(to officers with EUGENE) Go.
The prisoners are taken away.
LASSITER:
Spencer, I'd appreciate it in the future if you just played with your own life.
SHAWN:
Come on, Lassie. If Derek hadn't caved, I would have just deactivated it myself. It’s very easy. You just clip the red wire and the green wire at the same time.
LASSITER and JULIET look at the bomb.
JULIET:
Uh, Shawn, there is no green wire.
SHAWN:
Really? Huh? Well, in that case, we all would have died.
JULIET and LASSITER walk back to their car.
SHAWN:
I am starving. Who's up for fajitas? My treat. Oh, come on, you guys! Not everybody would have died. Well, a couple of people would have lived. Those are the... The odds are that at least one... Gus would have made it.
SHAWN looks up to the sky, puts his hands together and mouths a silent “Thank you”.
EXT. SBPD, DAY
SHAWN and HENRY are walking to the entrance.
SHAWN:
It'll only take a few minutes for me to finish my interview with “The Independent”.
HENRY:
I still don't see why you have to drag me into this.
SHAWN:
I told you... They're gonna wanna hear about my last case, which was originally your case, and without you, it wouldn't have been solved again.
HENRY:
Interviews, press, hair... Those are your things.
SHAWN:
A little attention isn't gonna kill you, Dad.
HENRY:
(stops) Oh, and wait.
SHAWN:
What?
HENRY:
Thank you. (puts a hand on SHAWN’S shoulder then goes inside)
SHAWN doesn’t know what to make of the exchange. He looks at his shoulder before heading inside.
INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY
LASSITER and JULIET are telling the reporter about the bomb, making themselves the heroes.
LASSITER:
As the bomb ticked all the way down to zero, we held our ground. And I looked those culprits in the eye, and they knew that their time was up.
JULIET:
We don't seek out the high-profile cases. They just have a way of finding us. (laughs) Well, we should just show her.
LASSITER:
That's a great idea.
JULIET:
Yeah, um… You were there. You were here.
SHAWN and HENRY watch from the hall as they try to re-create the scene.
LASSITER:
Oh, I was here?
JULIET:
You were like here-ish and I was like, here. No, we walked up, and then they walked out.
LASSITER:
They did?
HENRY pats SHAWN on the back and leaves.
JULIET:
Yeah, they came up.
LASSITER:
Oh! Right, I remember, right, so… They had the bomb.
JULIET:
They had the bomb.
LASSITER:
Really. It was really dangerous.
JULIET:
They didn’t know it was a bomb. They didn’t.
SHAWN walks away.
EXT. STREET, DAY
GUS is driving the car, grooving to some “Car Wash”. Then we hear metallic clanging and the engine starts smoking. GUS waves at the smoke but has to pull over to the side of the road. He grabs his bag and gets out of the car then starts hitch-hiking.