Fic: ...Clark Is Actually Pretty Ok With This, Thanks (Part 2, 1/3)
Title: ...Clark Is Actually Pretty Ok With This, Thanks (Part 2 -- Lois Gets In On The Bromance Shipping)
Author: josephina_x
Fandom: Smallville
Pairing: Clark, Lex
Rating: R (because it sort of has vague references to themes of BDSM *shrug*)
Spoilers: References season 6 and previous, general spoilers for early season 7 and all prior. Diverges at the end of Wrath (7x07) when Clark goes to talk to Lex.
Word count: 20,000+
Summary: What if Lex decided to be a little more... evil... at the end of Wrath? What if he decided to punish Clark, for Lana's transgression? ...What if Clark agreed to sacrifice himself for her sake? Would Clark break? Or would he... bend?
...Hey, that would be a totally crazy fic, am I right? --Unfortunately, this is not that. (Oops.) Here, Lex kind of goes the other route. You know, the whole brotherly-love one.
So, instead, you get Lex being pissed about Lana treating Clark like her own personal bitch, Clark's "sacrifice" isn't so much of one, and everybody else is left standing around scratching their heads while Lana ends up doing screechy-harpy things which we don't have to hear too much about -- you're welcome. (Chloe does, though. Feel sorry for Chloe, and send her emergency chocolate cake, stat.)
Warnings: Un-beta'd. An ungodly amount of Lois POV. A little character-bashing (screechy!Lana).
Disclaimer: Not mine, not-for-profit.
Comments: Yes, please! :)
Author's Note: At this stage, Lex is still totally uninitiated in the fine arts of BDSM, especially the dominant-submissive... stuff.
Also, I was kind of all over the place for awhile with possible story threads/forks, until canon decided to kick me in the head. (*ow* for damn headshots) But I at least know how this one's gonna end, now. --I'm not sure if my canon-fu is going to work out when I get there, but I'm sure gonna try! :)
Lois' explanations are more or less my own understanding of things, a la reading other fics, a couple wikipedia pages on all that 'safe, sane, and consensual' stuff ^_^ ...and one CSI episode. *facepalm* I'm definitely going to be playing fast-and-loose with the idea of 'pet'itude due to lack of knowledge and for the purpose of Necessary Sacrifices upon the Altar Of Plot. If I'm wrong about anything, I apologize -- no offense is intended. I'll be happy to put corrections in author's notes at the bottom of the fic to clarify if and/or where I'm wrong or very far off base on anything, if anyone would like to let me know.
...Whew, wow, ok, and just a quick heads up: this installment ended up a lot more SRS BSNS than I originally intended. (And so will the next one, for a bit.) I swear that it's kinda necesary for the boys and girls for the sake of future, more happy-fun-time shenanigans, though, or things would've fallen through at a later date in a very bad way. ...But sometimes you gotta break down before you build up, y'know. *shakes fist at plot*
The first part of this fic is here on LJ.
Also posted to AO3 here (includes all chapters to-date).
~*~*~*~*~*~
Lois was walking out through the main area of the Talon, in a hurry to leave for work, checking her watch as she stomped double-time past the various tables in stiletto heels and dodged servers left, then left, then right again.
Then something registered out of the corner of her eye, and she came to a screeching halt.
She turned and clomped back the table and a half and slid in to sit across the booth from one Smallville farmboy, who was looking neither farmboy-ish nor very Smallvillian at the moment.
She planted her elbows on the table, propped her hands up on her fists, and stared for awhile with a small smile at said farmboy.
Clark Kent looked up at her, a little suspiciously, very much the picture of annoyance, and said, "You're gonna be late for work."
"I think I can spend five minutes here talking with you."
Clark frowned at her.
Lois smiled and said, "Aren't you going to even say hello?"
Clark sighed across the table at her and said tiredly, "Hi, Lois."
Lois grinned.
"So, what's all this, Smallville?" she said waving a hand at him. "The way you're decked out, maybe I should be calling you 'Metropolis', instead, and--" Her eyebrows went up as Clark shifted, sitting back, and dropped the arm he'd been using to prop up his chin, so she got a good look at his neck. "Is that a collar?"
Clark sighed again, but this time added a bemused but long-suffering, wincing smile as he rolled his eyes at the ceiling.
"It's not my fault that Cook's chocolate cake tastes so great!" he complained. "I got totally distracted."
Lois blinked at him. "You... got distracted..."
"Stupid Lex and his medieval weapons," Clark muttered, crossing his arms and slouching in his designer slacks and button-down shirt.
"...Uh, yeah, Smallville, that'll get you every time," Lois said uncertainly, wondering what the hell-- wait, Lex? Lex Luthor? What??
Clark gave her a look. "I'd just never seen one before," he said. "If he tries that again, I'll be able to wiggle my legs out of it real quick next time. There's a trick to it," he said, conspiratorilly, leaning forward a bit over the table towards her.
"Um." Lois leaned in a little, dropping one fist. "There's gonna be a next time?"
Clark gave her a 'well, duh!' look. "It's not like I'm gonna keep it on when I shower, so I figure I'll just accidentally 'forget' to put it back on after, and--" Clark glanced up and stopped talking.
"Too late -- I heard that," said Lex, standing there with a cup of coffee in one hand and a muffin in the other.
Lois nearly squeaked as Clark shifted over a little -- automatically -- and Lex dropped down next to him.
"Ok, seriously though," Lois interjected before the two of them started really going at it, with the way they were eyeing each other. "What's with the collar?" She laughed. "Does he, like, own you now, or something?" she teased.
When Lex raised an eyebrow and Clark blushed slightly, Lois' mouth dropped. "Wait -- seriously?" and oh god, this was doing bad things to her brain.
Clark huffed out a breath and said, "It's kind of more like a dare..."
Lex blinked, then turned slightly to look at Clark sideways. He raised both eyebrows slowly as Clark looked away and started to blush a little pink again.
"What? It kind of is," Clark mumbled.
"...This is true," Lex said mildly, pulling off a chunk of his muffin and popping it into his mouth.
"Ok, so what's the dare?" Lois said, because she got BDSM, and she got stupid guy dares, but these two trying to mix them together? Without a half ton of explosives and a shoehorn? Did she miss that day at sex college? Because she totally would've attended that class if she'd known about it.
Lex gave her a long look, then said, "Off the record?"
"Pssh, please. I'm not a society reporter," she said with derision. "Unless this is some kind of weird LuthorCorp meteor-rock project-gone-wrong Chloe's-area-of-expertise thing and you both got hosed--" She shut up at the twin blank looks. "Uh. Right then, not a 'record' thing! --Proceed?" And she put on her best 'listening' look.
Lex gave what almost looked like a sigh, then said, "The 'dare' is: Clark does what I say, and Lana doesn't get jailed for trying to kill me yesterday."
Clark eyed Lex and his muffin sideways.
Lois was too shocked by the first to really pay too much attention to Clark right then.
"Lana-- wait, what??" Lois said, shaking her head. She wasn't sure if she ws more startled by what Luthor had said, or by how completely casual he was being about it. "You're kidding."
"No, I'm really not." Lex said with a smile. "I'd appreciate it if you kept that to yourself, by the way," he said, his smile turning a little more shark-like.
"Like I'd believe that," Lois blew him off.
"Little know fact: all my ex-wives try to kill me," Lex said, like he was amused.
"Yeah, you'd think maybe you'd stop doing that once you picked up on the pattern," Clark poked at him, sounding worn out.
"Maybe I thought the third time was the charm," Lex said mildly, reaching out for his muffin while looking at Clark.
Clark winced at the oblique Lana reference.
Lex's hand closed around empty air.
Lex looked a little blank all of a sudden, as he turned his head to look down at the empty muffin cup sitting on the table in front of him.
He started to look up at Clark, when Clark said suddenly, all outrage, "Lois! Geez, it's bad enough when you steal my muffins!" at which point Lex's head swiveled towards her instead and she got the death glare of her life. She felt her eyes go wide and she leaned back a little away from him.
Lois' mouth dropped open, because -- fuck -- the whole reason Clark hadn't said anything earlier was because he had been too busy sneaking Lex's muffin out from under him and then stuffing it in his mouth and chewing and swallowing it down in record time.
Lex took in a breath and started to open his mouth to say god-knew-what... and then he paused, blinked at her...
--and then rounded on Clark, declaring hotly, "I fed you this morning!"
"I'm still hungry," Clark said, shrugging.
"I don't care!" Lex told him. "Don't steal my muffins!"
...It should be illegal for someone to look that completely innocent and totally mischevious at the same time.
But, more importantly, "When the hell did you learn how to lie like that?' Lois asked Clark, because fuck if that hadn't taken some mad skill -- she'd seen Clark steal that muffin and down it right in front of her, and she'd still been doubting herself! She wasn't sure whether she was more in awe at the brazen outrageousness of it all, or pissed at him for nearly getting her head bitten off by Luthor for something she didn't do.
"What the hell are you talking about, Lane?" Luthor said, glancing back at her with a frown. "Clark's a horrible liar."
Lois opened her mouth to say something... then closed it again, thinking the better of it.
"--hrk--!" said Luthor, through a closed mouthful of coffee that he barely managed to swallow.
Clark smiled.
"Oh man," he said, looking at his fingers. "Must be a new girl on staff today."
"Can't believe they got my order wrong," Lex got out through a clenched jaw, grimacing and suppressing a cough.
"Yeah, everybody knows not to give you the really strong bitter stuff when you ask for it."
Lex looked blank, then turned to Clark, and, wow, was that his poker face, or was that actually his 'what the fuck?' look instead? --Because if that was the second one, Lois had been giving the man waaaaay too much credit.
"It's just a misfilled order," Lex said.
Clark smiled.
"I drink this coffee at home," Lex said darkly.
"Cook fills the supply orders," Clark said.
Lex's eyes started to narrow.
"It's just a label. Reeeeeally easy to change."
Lex glared at him.
"They stock it at the store down the street," Lex said in a patient tone. "I've gotten it for myself before for the coffeemaker at work."
"Which is where Cook buys it from," Clark said, " 'cause you tell her you want things bought local when you can. And you're kinda noticeable, and it's really easy to see you coming, and they put the labels on things when they give them to you, and for the big orders they fill it out of stuff in the back, right?"
Lex went expressionless.
Then Clark went in for the killing blow. "I mean, why wouldn't a grocer who Cook does business with not want to do her a favor to keep her employer happy? And it's not like anbody can really read all those labels on the jars really well from across the counter, anyway. They wouldn't even need to switch the labels--"
"It's. Just. A. Misfilled. Order." Lex repeatedly slowly, glaring bloody murder.
Clark, totally zen, then said: "Well, ok, then you should just be able to go up there and ask somebody different and they'll fill it the way you want it, right?"
Wow. Even Lois could hear the almost-trap there. Clark was totally up to something.
Lex glared at him for awhile, then got up slowly -- not taking his eyes off of him -- and walked back up to the counter.
Clark snickered quietly.
"Wow, Smallville, you weren't kidding about the dares," Lois breathed out.
Clark grinned at her.
"So, seriously though, what--"
"Shh, he's coming back," Clark said.
They waited until he had walked back over, and stood in front of the table.
He glared at them both.
He raised the coffee and took a decent quaff of it, looking smug.
...The smug look didn't last.
In fact, if Lois had to make a guess, as Luthor tried very hard not to spray the mouthful across the width of the table, that was probably him trying out his look of utter horror and disbelief.
He barely managed to swallow it down, then stared at the coffee cup for awhile.
Then he slowly put the coffee cup down on the edge of the table -- carefully, like you'd do if you suddenly realized that you were holding a bomb.
He looked up at Clark.
"You know, it could be a third thing." Clark paused. "Like, maybe I, say... pulled a fast one on you?"
"Don't be ridiculous, you haven't talked to any of the servers since we've been here," Lex blew him off. "If you did I can't see how."
And then he paused as his own words sank in.
Clark grinned.
Lex closed his eyes, composed himself, took one step back, and then opened his eyes and looked directly at Clark with a piercing gaze.
He held up an arm and pointed at the coffee counter. "Get up there and get me my coffee," he demanded peevishly.
Clark grinned. But he got.
Lois eyed Lex as he sat down on the other side of the booth to wait for Clark to get back.
She watched as Lex pulled the 'bad coffee' to him, and popped off the lid. He stared down into it for awhile, then grimaced again, managed to put the lid back on in such a way as to communicate his thorough disgust with the contents -- how the hell he did that exactly, Lois wasn't quite sure; she tried it herself in the mirror afterwards and everything and couldn't pull it off before Chloe came in and asked her what she was doing -- and then he pushed it off to the side with the other abandoned cup.
Only then did he look back up at her.
"What? I know he's lying," Lex frowned at her, "I just don't know where the lie is, exactly," he ended on a quieter and more frustrated note.
About that point was when Clark came back over with coffee and another chocolate muffin.
Lois figured that this was why Lex got the big bucks -- he checked to make sure the coffee was drinkable before he stole Clark's muffin and started shoving him towards the big armchairs, declaring that he was relocating them to someplace where he could put his food and beverage where Clark wasn't liable to reach over and steal them from him.
Lois decided that this was probably a good time to get some food herself, glancing at her watch. If she was going to stay any longer, she'd need to spend her breakfast time eating here at the same time she was watching their antics or have to go without.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Ok, so what's the deal with the coffee?" she asked one of the servers at the bar that she knew.
Jodie blushed at her. "Ok, you know how when we were working here, they told us that the recipe for the 'triple punch' was--"
"--Yeah, so?"
Jodie bit her lip. "Ummmmm..."
Lois blinked at her. "They changed the recipe?"
"Nooooo... not, exactly," Jodie said, twisting her towel.
Lois blinked at her, then leaned over the counter a little. "We got the recipe wrong?" she asked in a low undertone.
Jodie blushed a little deeper. "It wasn't just us! Everybody did!" she said frantically. "We had a guy come in yesterday, order one, and complain! He ended up giving us the explicit order, and we looked it up after, and he was totally right!"
Lois' mouth dropped. "So-- wait, did he?" she asked, glancing back at Luthor.
"Yeah, he's the only one who ever orders it," Jodie whispered. "I feel so bad; we've been doing it wrong all this time!" she said.
Lois blinked at her. "Uh... don't you think he would've complained?"
Jodie gave her a sad look. "You didn't usually take the morning shifts when everybody's in a rush. We always give him the new girls, especially when they're having a bad day. He never yells, or complains, or asks them to take it back, or anything. He always smiles, even when it's the wrong order."
"How do you know it's the wrong order?" Lois asked, taking her drink as it was passed to her.
"Uh, he never orders anything with whipped cream."
Lois had to stifle a laugh at that mental image. "Wow."
"Yeah."
"Huh," said Lois, frowning. That didn't exactly mesh up with the guy who had fucked over Wes and turned him into a living weapon system. She turned to look at Luthor. He was sitting in one of the huge armchairs in a circle of four with Clark sitting on the floor at his feet on the 'inside' of the circle. He had his coffee cup and his muffin on a sidetable on the outside rim, well out of Clark's reach.
"Well, protip -- apparently he likes the 'nonstandard' way of making it,' Lois said as she handed over her credit card to pay.
"Oh," Jodie said, then, "--oh!!!" in sudden enlightenment. "So that's why Clark asked for the 'old' version, and why Mrs. Millie wanted to know how we made it!"
Lois turned and blinked at her. "Mrs. Millie?"
"The cook up at the castle," Jodie said. "It was... wow, a couple of years ago, now. She came down here asking if we could show her how he liked his coffee, because she said his old cook had apparently known, but she didn't seem to be quite getting the trick of it."
Lois looked at her, then started to grin, and they both quietly laughed.
"Oh man," Lois said, biting her lip to try and stop grinning like a loon, because, honestly, that had to be the worst practical joke ever. How had Clark known?
"Hey," Lois said as an afterthought. "What kind of muffin did Clark buy?"
~*~*~*~*~*~
Lois walked back over and said, "Hey, Smallville, catch!" before tossing him the chocolate muffin.
Clark caught it, then looked at it, and then her, with a little suspicion.
Lois smiled. She was curious, Clark wasn't a dummy, and this was kind of a test.
--Though not for him.
Lex glanced down and grabbed it away almost immediately.
"Don't go feeding my pet random muffins," he said briskly, leaning forward and setting the muffin down on the low coffee table in front of her as she sat down directly across from him.
...Pet? Lois thought, as Clark outright pouted up at Lex. So, wait -- he does know what he's doing?
"Stop that!" Lex scolded, looking a little put out. "You can't possibly still be hungry."
"You're having coffee and muffins that you could have had at home," Lois pointed out.
Lex turned to stare at her. "That was morning coffee; this is work coffee," he said, like that explained anything.
"And the muffins?"
"I don't have to explain my eating habits to you."
"Geez, I was just asking," Lois backed off.
But then she watched as Clark gave Lex sighing looks, and Lex almost absently handed over his own muffin to Clark. "So what did they say at the counter?" Lex asked as he did so.
Lois smirked evilly. "That they were doing it wrong."
Lois wished she'd had a camera -- the look that Lex got when he realized that she hadn't actually told him anything was unreal.
Clark perked up for all of two seconds over finally getting the muffin... then looked a little guilty. "Um, you want to split it?" he asked Lex, holding it up to him.
Lex blinked. "I thought you were hungry," he said as he took it back.
"Yeah, but I already had one and you haven't."
Lex's eyes narrowed.
Whoops! thought Lois. Gotcha.
"I steal Lois' muffins sometimes," Clark added for plausible deniability, and Lois rolled her eyes -- close save -- as she picked up her own muffin. "She doesn't usually eat two," he said, as Lois was on her first bite, "because she's watching her girlish figure."
Lois nearly choked on her mouthful of muffin.
"I--" She felt a little unreasonably panicky, and nearly coughed and needed a sip of coffee to get it down. "Um--"
"You look fine; a second muffin wouldn't kill you. Clark -- that's a horrible thing to say to a girl," Lex frowned down at him, and then proceeded to futz up the top of Clark's hair in a not-very-friendly way.
"--But she's not a girl, she's Lois!" Clark complained, putting up his arms and defending his head.
"I thought you didn't like reporters," Lois said, eyeing the two of them and cataloging their behavior.
Lex glanced up at her, pausing in his mild torment of Clark. "I don't." He paused for a beat, then frowned. "It's the principle of the thing." He sounded like he was confused as to why he'd have to explain it to anyone.
Ok, wow. That was just... not...
And then she watched Lex split the muffin and hand Clark half. The larger half.
Clark took it from him, and looked at it. He looked up at Lex, and saw how large his piece was.
And then he looked down and got a small smile.
Lois nearly dropped her coffee from nerveless fingers, because she'd seen Clark's big grins, and his lopsided sarcastic smiles, but she'd never seen him smile like that before. Not pure, unadulterated joy.
That thought did bad things to her head, because she knew Lana had did a number on him before she'd met him, but if she couldn't remember a time -- any time -- when he'd looked that happy and loved...
Lex reached down and absently ruffled Clark's hair.
Clark's smile grew into a small bright grin, and he shook his head and said, "Hey, you aren't getting chocolate muffin in my hair, are you?"
"Maybe," Lex smiled.
"Agh, you'd better not; I'll have to wash it, again," Clark complained, biting into his muffin.
"Or I'll have to," Lex said off the cuff, lounging back in his chair and popping another piece into his mouth.
Then they both paused in their chewing and looked at each other.
"Wait, no--" Clark protested, craning his neck up to frown at Lex nervously.
Lex got a grin.
"No no no," said Clark. "My hair! Mine!"
Lex chuckled and leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees and leaning down somewhat. "Hmmm, I don't know. I hear pets are bad about taking their own baths..." he said, starting to get into it.
"Shower," said Clark.
"Bath," said Lex.
Clark made a face.
Lex's smirk turned into a grin (--which was just weird to see on him, because it wasn't even evil or maniacal or anything).
Lois did a mental facepalm and took it back. Lex had no fucking idea what he was doing, really, at all.
...Which was kind of funny as hell, actually. It looked like Clark was actually better at it, even though he obviously didn't have a clue, either.
Well, I guess this is why it's all some weird G-rated version of some kind of mess, instead of, y'know, normal domsub behavior, Lois sighed as she sipped at her coffee and listened to them bicker. No wonder I've been having trouble drawing a bead on them the last fifteen minutes -- there's no bead to draw, she snorted.
But what she figured was the really weird shit was that Luthor was almost acting like a actual human being for once.
...At least until Lana walked up.
When she thought about it later, she could almost forgive them -- divorce brings out the worst in people.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Lex," Lana walked up, declaratively. "Where's-- Clark?!"
Clark winced, then turned and looked up at Lana, smiling weakly. He opened his mouth--
...then seemed to stall out, glanced at Lex, then snapped it shut and turned away.
He looked nervous.
Ok, what the hell was--
"--He's not speaking to you," Lex interrupted smoothly, like an black oil slick, turning in his chair slightly to face Lana.
Lana opened her mouth to retort--
"--because I ordered him not to," Lex ended with a very dark smile.
He popped the last chunk of muffin in his mouth and chewed as Lana stared down at him.
"What?" Lana said, looking down at him in disbelief.
"It's really not that hard to understand, Lana," Lex began, once he'd taken the casual second to swallow. "You're getting what you want, but not quite the way you thought you would."
Lana frowned. "What are you talking about?"
Lex looked up at her with infinite patience. "I'm talking about when you sent Clark over to the mansion to talk me out of destroying your life for trying to murder me, of course, thinking I'd be more amenable to the idea if it came from him." He turned and lifted his coffee cup, taking a sip and pointedly not looking at Lana for a moment. "I decided to take him out of play."
What the hell? Lois thought again, because this right here? Was the Lex Luthor she'd expected to see earlier. ...So what the hell had been earlier?
Lana gave a little laugh in disbelief and miscomprehension. "What the hell are you talking about, Lex? I didn't--"
Lex waved a hand as he rose. "Asking him directly, dropping a hint of worry and knowing he'd take the initiative, knowing and not stopping him -- how you did it is not at issue here." He tilted his head down at her and gave her an unamused frown. "What is at issue is that you seem to think it appropriate to drag other people into the middle of something personal that is only between the two of us," he said, gesturing between them with the hand holding his coffee cup. "That is not acceptable." He tilted his head slightly. "I would have thought better of you, Lana," he said, more softly.
Lois was only half-listening on autopilot at this point. She was still trying to wrap her brain around watching Lex perform a maneuver for Clark that her dad had done for her, multiple times when she was little and another ambassador or general had been getting out of line during negotiations when she'd been in the room: a physical body-block, taking a dominant stance and breaking direct line-of-sight, a subtle redirect of attention.
It pretty much said, 'Leave them out of this, this has nothing to do with them -- you talk to me,' and Lois knew that Lex knew her dad, the General.
She wondered if he'd learned it from him.
...It was more protective than just possessive, and Lois wondered how much of it was a calculated lie, and how much... wasn't.
But given the way Clark was starting to hunch in on himself a little, Lois wasn't going to argue the call.
"You're crazy, Lex," Lana laughed. "I didn't send Clark over to do anything. Why would he go to see you? What 'murder'?" Lana looked incredulous.
Lex clenched and unclenched his jaw and seemed to mentally square his shoulders.
Ok, between the three of them, Lois was starting to wonder whether her bullshit meter was broken, or just needed new batteries. Lois really couldn't think of any reason why Clark wouldn't have contradicted Lex earlier when he'd said what he did if Lex had been lying, but Lana didn't sound like she knew what they'd been talking about.
Somebody was lying.
If Clark's reaction was any indication -- his head twisting upwards, and almost saying something, then not -- then Lana was the one who...
"Lana, I have evidence..." Lex began calmly, quietly.
Lana laughed.
"...backup copies of the security camera footage, copied to a bank of offline servers in a secure location."
Lana looked at him.
"Your intrusions into my systems have not gone unnoticed. I simply haven't had a reason to care because you haven't done anything with the information." Lex sighed.
"Don't be ridiculous," Lana scoffed, "If I had--"
"--I generally would not make it publically known which computer systems had been compromised, and simply wait until I knew who the intruder was before acting," Lex explained, then continued just as quietly, "I didn't try to oust your connections to the systems because there is an implicit understanding that doing so would alert you to my awareness of this fact. You are a smart woman, Lana. I have no doubt that when you try again I might not notice where or how you manage to do so, and may not be able to circumnavigate the more sensitive dealings of the company through alternate routes to keep them secure, if necessary."
Lana shook her head. "Lex, if there really is someone hacking into your systems, I'd certainly hope you'd disconnect them. A lot of people are employed by LuthorCorp, not just you. You're putting a lot of people at risk, assuming you're not just having paranoid delusions again," she said sadly.
Lex tensed.
So did Clark.
Clark was staring at the floor. Lex was staring at her.
"Lana--" he started warningly.
"--I mean, really," Lana said condescendingly, "Who believes in little green men?"
"Uh..." Lois looked between the two of them. "You're, uh... that... 'aliens' thing that some of the police talked about? After the meteor shower?" Lois said slowly. She had thought that had been the post-traumatic stress talking, even if it had been a lot of the force... until it wasn't.
Lois knew from Chloe that Lex had spent a couple-month stint in Belle Reeve a few years ago, but she hadn't thought he was that far off the reservation.
"Don't do this, Lana," Lex said under his breath.
"Yes, he does. He was obsessed," she spat out. "Seeing things that weren't there, totally paranoid." She took a breath. "He has no evidence of anything out of the ordinary, and he still--"
"LANA!" he shouted, losing his temper.
Lois' mind was racing about the implications of a delusionally-insane lunatic running LuthorCorp, and she paled.
Lois glanced down at Clark, who was slowly cringing in on himself, like he wanted to disappear into the floor.
"...I don't suppose either of you would like to make an evidentiary comment to that effect?" Lois asked, deciding to play reporter. People usually clammed up when they did that.
"Good luck getting anyone to talk who isn't dead or bought off," Lana said, crossing her arms and staring Lex in the eye.
Lex said, without looking away from Lana, "I have never made any claims for or against the possibility of extraterrestrial life." He took a breath. "I believe that you may wish to find a NASA spokesperson, Miss Lane, if you wish to discuss the rather controversial possibility of microbial life on Mars or the moons of Saturn, such as Titan."
Lana snorted.
"Ok, then," Lois said briskly, not real happy with either of the two of them.
"Clark, come on, we're--" Lana started, craning her neck around Lex.
Lex moved between them again. "He's not going anywhere with you; I told you."
"He's a grown man--"
"--who decided to give me his life in exchange for leaving you to yours, for your most recent transgression," Lex smoothly cut in. "I'd recommend not doing something that might make him regret that."
...And now I have gotten three different explanations for the same thing? Lois felt like those three blind guys with the elephant.
Lana stared up at him, probably feeling about as shocked hearing this version for the first time.
"...What."
"I said--"
Lana waved him off. "You're insane." She grabbed the advantage when he froze, taking the opportunity to walk around him far enough -- closer to Lois -- so that she could finally get a good look at Clark, while Lex wasn't reacting fast enough to stop her.
Lois knew when she saw the dog collar when Lana's expression cracked like a bad plaster mask.
"What the hell are you wearing?" she said in descending tones.
Lex got between them again. "What I told him to."
"He's not your doll," Lana spat out, and it was about that point at which Lois realized that she had to be the only one who could really see Clark from her seated position, the way he was reacting to Lana's words. "Or your slave. You can't tell him what to do."
"So long as he fulfills his end of the bargain, and me mine, that is, in fact, exactly what he will do -- what I tell him," Lex said coldly.
Lana blanched.
"Clark, get up and get out of here now!" she shrieked.
Lois winced along with Clark at that one. Lex started to look like he was getting truly angry.
"Clark!" Lana said again when he didn't move. "Clark, listen to me -- he can't do anything!"
"Lana, stop--" Lex began, before Lois could interject herself -- honestly, the 'following orders' thing was kind of bullshit, the way Clark had been teasing Lex earlier to no end.
"No, you--!" Lana ground her teeth and took a step closer to Lex. "--Even if I admitted something did happen, everyone knows about meteor psychosis," Lana hissed under her breath, not loud enough to carry any further than the four of them, and with that, Lois felt very cold.
Lex looked down his nose at her and dropped his hands to his sides. "Oh, please do try to convince the authorities to recognize that -- I've been trying to no avail for years," he drawled, just as quietly.
"You are lying about the tapes. There is no evidence. It's your word against mine, and all I'll have to do is put Clark on the stand," Lana declared with a smile on her face. "And what do you think he'll say, huh?"
Lois saw Clark's head whip up at that. He almost said something, but something in his eyes died out first. Lois watched as he slowly closed his eyes, and his forehead began to furrow, like the thought was causing him physical pain. His head slowly dropped down onto his knees.
"That would not be wise," Lex said slowly. "There are things that I think we both know that he would rather not talk about--"
"So he lies or pleads the fifth, as if you'd care, except for not getting the outcome you'd want," Lana brushed off. "Now, come on, Clark!" Lana directed at him, more loudly.
Clark was pressing his hands against his head, looking like he was trying to tune out the world.
"Lana, just --stop for a second, ok?" Lois said a little desperately, standing up and putting a hand on her shoulder. She really didn't want to get involved in this mess, but Clark was her friend, and this was getting to be too much, even for her.
Lana brushed her off as Lex turned to her, then turned around to Clark and blinked when he took in what he was seeing.
He immediately took a step forward and knelt down next to him, and Lois saw the aloof and very powerful businessman vanish, to be replaced with only quiet concern. "Clark?"
Clark twitched, and his head only came up just a little.
"I want to go home," he told Lex.
Lex paused for only a second before he said, nonjudgmentally, "All right, Clark."
They both got up and left.
Lois grabbed Lana's arm in a grip when Lana started to move forward to follow them. Lana ended up whirling on her and saying, "Lois, what the hell--?" while at the same time grabbing her wrist lightning-fast in a pincer hold that only looked harmless. Lois had to reflexively let go.
"Ow, Lana! Geez," she complained, rubbing her wrist -- it had hurt like hell, and she just knew she was gonna end up with bruises. She didn't want to think about how to explain this one to Grant.
Lana started to head for the door, Lois following -- god help her, more concerned about what would happen to Clark when Lana caught up to him than what Lex might do with him in the meantime -- when they heard behind them, "Lana? Lois? What's going on?"
Chloe caught up to them in a hurry -- she had a slightly later shift than Lois at the Planet, and was only just leaving the Talon -- wow, Lois was really gonna be late now if she didn't book it like Mario Andretti -- and Lana briefly and quickly started to fill her in.
"Lex did something to Clark -- he thinks he has to do what Lex says--!"
"Woah! Woah! That's not what it sounds like!" Lois started, because given all of Luthor's crazy mindcontrol projects, that came across way worse than--
"It's close enough!" Lana snapped at her, and Lois barely held her ground, eyes widening.
"Ok, wait, hold on," Chloe said, waving her hands a little and getting between them, playing peacekeeper. "Can we start over from the beginning please?"
"There's no time!" Lana interjected. "Lex said he's taking him home."
"What's wrong with the farm?" Chloe asked with a frown.
Lois glanced out the window at Lex and Clark, who were parked right outside on the street, and watched Lex start to pull out, and then saw Clark look panicked and like he was arguing with Lex. Lex looked shocked for a moment, then determined as he pulled an illegal U-turn in the middle of the street -- damn, that car had a tight turn radius!
"I don't think Clark meant he wanted to go to the farm..." Lois said with a breathless laugh, as her cousin and her crazy friend whirled around just in time to see Lex take off down the street in the opposite direction.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Ok, cuz'," Lois sighed as she walked back into their apartment, dropped her bag, and starting pulling off her heels, "What's the damage?"
"Lois!" Chloe said with a startled look upwards from the couch. She had her feet kicked up and her laptop in her lap. "I didn't hear you come in!"
"And I didn't see you at work today. What gives?" Lois had thought that Chloe was right behind her on the way out, only stopping a minute to calm Lana down, maybe make her take some Valium and crash.
"Lana ended up asking me to take a sick day to help her out with a few things," Chloe said with a weak 'what can you do?' smile.
"Oh god, Chloe," Lois groaned, tossing her shoes down by the door and dropping down onto the couch next to her. "Tell me you didn't get roped into this."
"Lois--"
"No, cuz', just-- no." Lois dropped her head back and stared at the ceiling. "Seriously, I'm on Team Clark for this one."
"Lois, 'Team Clark' went back to the mansion with 'Team Lex'," Chloe said disapprovingly.
"Yeah, sure, except that in this case, I think those teams might be the same team," Lois put out there.
"What?" Chloe said, closing her laptop.
"I take it you got the totally biased version, then," Lois sighed as she pulled her legs up and propped her head up on her arm, staring at Chloe.
"Lois--"
"No, look -- you didn't see them before Little Miss Harpy swooped in," Lois objected. "At this point? Even if they both actually got zapped by your magic space rocks, I'm thinking that maybe it was for the best and we should look into making it permanent."
"Lois!"
"Chlo, I'm serious, ok?" Lois leveled with her. "Unless you're planning on nomming Luthor for an Emmy this year, I don't think he was faking anything earlier. They were both happy and relaxed and just fucking around messing with each other before Lana showed up, and Clark started doing his turtle impression and Lex went all Evil Suit again."
Chloe's eyebrows went up.
"No, really. Chloe, if you'd asked me before this morning if I thought Clark was yanking my chain when he said they used to be friends, I would've sworn up and down that he must've been. Either that, or totally naiive or something, but..."
"So which one do you think is the real Lex?' Chloe asked.
Lois snorted and rolled her eyes at the leading question. "Both of them. I like the domsub one that shows up around Clark a lot better though -- he's practically human."
"Domsub?"
Lois blinked at her Kansas born-and-bred cousin, city-girl or not, and sighed. "Uh, yeah. BDSM? Like--"
"Dominatrix? Like, black leather, high heels, and a whip? --And chains?" Chloe's voice went up a few octaves.
"Uh, not all of it's like that --oh, wow," Lois said, her eyes going distant for a second. "Wow. No wonder he and Lana can't get along. Two doms just doesn't work," she said, thinking of Lana's crazy-unexpected transformation that morning -- but then again, most doms apparently were... until the button-down cardigan came off. "Talk about a bitch on heels..."
Lois frowned. "It's kind of weird, though. Most power suits that are guys like subbing... --uh, hey, don't look at me like that," she said as Chloe gave her an ashonished look. "I've just got some friends in the scene, ok? I went, I saw, I decided it wasn't my shot of vodka," she explained, curling up on the couch with a pillow. "But they were nice enough to explain things so I could at least try to understand a little."
She glanced down and realized Chloe had opened up her laptop again. "Hey, I can get how you might wanna go into research mode before talking about this stuff, but you should probably stay away from--" she watched Chloe's eyes go wide "--image search," she ended too late. She sighed.
"I'ma gonna get us some alcohol, ok?" Lois said, abandoning her pillow on the couch as she got up and headed for the kitchen.
"Uh huh," Chloe said, unable to tear her eyes away from whatever porny thing her browser was probably showing her.
Five minutes and a couple shots between them, Chloe was giggling and Lois breathed a sigh of relief that she hadn't completely broken her favorite cousin's brain.
"Ok, ok," Chloe said finally, turning back to Lois. "First off, I think we're missing at least two out of the three SSC--"
"I won't comment on 'sane'," Lois said, rolling her eyes, "But no -- it's definitely consensual," Lois said.
"Lex threatened Lana," Chloe frowned. "Clark's only doing it because--"
"Yeah, no -- maybe that's how they got into this mess, but -- no," Lois shook her head. "Those two ended up explaining it three different ways, and when Smallville put it as a 'dare', Luthor pretty much agreed."
"A 'dare'??!" Chloe repeated.
"Um," Lois had to think back. "And I quote: 'Clark does what I say, and Lana doesn't get jailed for trying to kill me yesterday.' "
Chloe stared at her.
"...Yeah, they're guys. I think the 'dare' part comes in where Clark keeps trying to annoy Lex to the point that Lex says 'nevermind' before Clark says he wants out, and still leaves Lana alone because he was the one to give up first," Lois shrugged, downing a shot of vodka. "Speaking of," Lois said casually, "did Lana actually do that?"
"Lois--" Chloe started in that particular chiding tone, one Lois recognized.
"No. Stop right there," Lois said with a sinking feeling. "God." She slammed down the bottle, feeling a little ill. "I can't believe that you'd even think of lying to me, to family over some friend!"
"Lois--!" Chloe looked almost desperate.
"No, Chlo'! Lex said it, Clark didn't correct him, and practically outright agreed with him later, and then Lana practically admitted it right at the end before you came downstairs," Lois said. "This isn't a 'Lois has a crazy theory' moment. Don't you dare!"
"She wasn't in her right mind," Chloe said angrily.
"No shit," Lois said. "I bet she wasn't this morning, either."
"Lois--"
"No, I am telling you, this whole thing is bad news, Chlo'," Lois warned her. "It sounded like Luthor was pissed, like he thought Lana had been dragging Clark into the middle of things and Luthor was trying to, not, or something. It sounded like he was getting ready to take the gloves off if she didn't back the hell down, Chlo. I don't want you picking sides and getting caught up in the crossfire."
"She's my friend," Chloe said stubbornly. "I'm not just going to ditch her because Lex decided to turn up the heat."
"I know," Lois said. "But I don't think you want to be blindly backing the one who's running around trying to murder the other one."
"Lex has done way worse, and you know it!" Chloe said.
"...Are you actually ok with Lana trying to kill him?" Lois asked, tilting her head to look at her.
Chloe clenched her jaw. "She wasn't in her right mind," she stressed.
"Ok, fine. Whatever," Lois said, slumping back against the sofa cushions. "Just-- do me a favor, ok?"
"What?"
"If this is some meteor rock thing somehow -- and I'm not saying it is -- then you'd damn well better find the antidote for it, first," Lois said firmly. "Because if it is then I'm pretty sure neither of those poor bastards knows it, and the comedown for Clark will probably end up going down harder than he was senior year over Lana."
Chloe made a face. "Why would you think it isn't, anyway?"
"Because I asked them if it was, and they both looked at me like I was nuts."
Chloe snorted and rolled her eyes.
"I know; just keep an eye out, ok?"
"Sure."
Lois mixed up some more rum and coke for Chloe and handed it over, then poured herself another shot of vodka.
"...You really think it's some kind of a dare?" Chloe asked.
Lois looked at her sideways, and proceeded to explain about the coffee and the muffins.
Chloe blinked at her. "Uh..."
"Yeah. I know. Dommie-subby mindgame bliss all around." Lois downed another shot.
"Clark was making a game. Out of lying," Chloe said speculatively, crossing her arms, frowning, and thinking hard.
"It was more like pulling pranks than shooting the shit, but yeah," Lois agreed. "Silly boys -- I really would've figured Lex for the sub and Clark for the dom, I swear."
"Mm, websites say that some people swap?"
"Eh, maybe." Lois offered. "Seemed pretty consistent to me."
"Are you sure Clark's the sub?" Chloe asked. "It sounded like he was the one controlling Lex more than the other way around."
"That's kind of how it works, Chlo," Lois said. "The sub has the most power, because everything has to stop when they say 'no'."
"Except Clark's not going to," Chloe pointed out.
"Yeah, but I bet it's not because he's worried about Lana anymore, or he wouldn't be pushing the boundaries so much. He feels comfortable enough to try and see what he can get away with," Lois frowned. "I mean, he knows what Lex has been doing just as much as any of us. If he thought Lex was gonna pull something nasty, he'd be scared to death and self-censoring and jittery as hell, not... that." Lois waved a hand.
Then something occurred to Lois. "Oh shit. Luthor's a fucking genius."
"What?"
"The whole daring 'bet' thing," Lois said. "If Clark's worried about Lana, then he'll say 'yes' and he's 'out of play', out of the way from inbetween them--"
"Unless Lex is planning on using him against Lana," Chloe frowned.
"No, that violates the whole no-messing-with-Lana thing, and then Clark's off the hook," Lois said. "and I don't think it's that, or Lex would be more pissed with him about still coveting his ex-wife."
"Ouch," Chloe said, drinking down some of her coke-and-rum.
"But if Clark's okay with whatever, then Clark can point to the whole 'worried about Lana' thing as an excuse to keep going," Lois continued elaborating the original train of thought. "Lex takes the heat as being the overbearing bastard, which fits with the dommie role perfectly, Clark can't really be held accountable for his actions, because he's got his excuse, and they're all happy. Uh, except Lana."
"That..." Chloe scrunched up her face, "...is really twisted and wrong and totally dependent on Lex actually giving a damn about Clark."
"Meh, I guess it could work if Lex was trying to split them up and getting revenge or something that way," Lois offered, "But... yeah. Emmy. Pretty sure he actually gives a damn about Clark."
At Chloe's eyeroll, Lois said, "Look you had to be there, ok?"
"Uh huh," Chloe said noncommitally.
"Besides, with Lana saying she didn't want Clark to go through with it, he totally would've stopped if it was only all for her," Lois pointed out.
"Maybe."
Lois sighed. "Honestly, though. The way Clark likes taking care of people is kinda unreal. I swear he should be a dom though, with the whole down-home man-of-the-house king-of-the-land running-the-farm thing," she frowned. "I mean, I know he bends over backwards for Lana, but..."
Lois stopped and blinked at that.
"--Oh damn, maybe that's why they were fighting over Clark. Maybe Lana was trying to 'train' him or whatever, to flip him from a dom to a really fucking pathetic sub -- because I'm pretty sure she's all about the power-play flagellation stuff the way she was acting earlier once she dropped the mask -- and Lex wasn't having anything for it."
"And we're voting for Lex over Lana again, why?"
"Because Clark was happy and relaxed with Lex, and when Lana showed up he was flinching at every other word that came out of her mouth?" Lois parried. "It's not supposed to be like that. Not with the subby 'pet' stuff. The dommie 'owner' is supposed to take care of the 'pet' and make them feel all good and loved and crap, not verbally kick and abuse them. That's degrading." Lois frowned, because she really didn't like the implications of that, if that had been what Lana had been doing.
Lana had had him all alone on the farm for months, now, doing god-knows-what to him. Lex might have his work cut out for him. ...Except he didn't know what he was fucking doing, really. Ugh. Those two were gonna need some help.
"And the 'owner' gets what out of it? A pat on the back and a feeling of superiority at making a dog out of a person?" Chloe asked snarkily.
"No, that's the wrong way of doing it-- argh, look, I'm not explaining this well," Lois complained, falling backwards on the couch. "It's like... I think they're mostly supposed to be doing the same thing -- taking care of each other, but they do it different ways." Lois looked up at Chloe. "Like, the dom has it easier, because they can just ask and order and they're supposed to do obvious stuff to take care of things. The sub's gotta be a lot more subtle, 'cause the dom won't feel as good if they don't feel like they're in charge all the time," Lois tried to explain. "Like, they can't always ask stuff directly, usually, and they have to be a lot more attentive to the dom's moods and stuff."
"Attentive," Chloe repeated doubtfully.
"Yeah. They've gotta figure out when it's a good time to let the dom do their thing, and when they're getting so stressed out that they should interfere, and do it without being all ordering and dommie about it. Um..." Lois thought for a second. "Like, instead of saying, 'You should stop working because you're too stressed out and it's not good for you,' they've gotta be... more sneaky. Like, distract them by being all, 'I want to play, don't you want to spend time with cute little old me?' instead. --What?" Lois asked when Chloe's eyebrows went up.
"It's just..." Chloe got a weird twisty smile and said, "Clark used to go visit Lex after school and play pool with him at the mansion."
"...Okay?" Lois prompted.
Chloe sighed and looked away, biting her lip. "Clark usually complained about how Lex was always working and needed to take more breaks."
"Hah!" Lois pointed at her. "See! See! That, right there! That's what I'm talking abou-- wait," she stopped, her finger drooping. "When the hell was this again?"
"...Freshman year of high school. And, uh, most of sophmore year, too."
"Oh for god's sake!" Lois complained, throwing up her hands. "See, this is why they need to fix the sex-ed curriculum -- right there! Those two!"
Chloe choked on her rum-and-coke.
"Kansas boys," Lois said, rolling her eyes.
"Ok, ok, hold on," Chloe interrupted. "This thing here says different."
"Right, because everything online--" Lois grumbled. "Pass me this thing -- what is this?"
"Submissives, slaves, and pets," Chloe said, handing over her laptop. "This says pets are the lowest on the spectrum -- total submission and the most in--"
"--'danger of mentally losing their sense of self', thanks, Chlo, I can read," Lois sighed, passing the laptop back. "It also says that that definition isn't universal -- read a couple others," Lois said, pointing at the screen. "Maybe I'm biased because I only got my friends' perspective, but I'm using that term because -- A -- it's the most flexible one I know for what they're doing and -- B -- it doesn't usually involve sex during the 'petplay' or whatever. It isn't even necessarily 'full time', and it doesn't necessarily involve humiliation of the 'pet' or even making the 'pet' actually act like an animal."
Lois sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Not unless the 'pet' is actually wanting and asking for it, anyway, but I seriously don't see Clark getting off on that." She took another gulp of vodka. "--Plus, that's not how they were acting. --Clark and Lex, I mean. I think they're more on the 'petting and stroking and snuggling' end of the spectrum than the 'get down on all fours and eat out of a bowl' side." Then she stopped and got a slightly blank look. "Oh god, I just got a mental image of a snuggly Lex Luthor. Get it out, get it out," she said blandly, reaching for the vodka.
Chloe snickered.
Lois glanced over at her blonde-haired cousin. "Oh god -- please don't, I don't want to know!" Lois said.
" 'Snuggly Lex Luthor'," Chloe repeated darkly, with a giggle and a wide grin.
"Aaugh, no wait! --Alcohol! Alcohol in the hand!" Lois objected as Chloe reached forward and started tickling her while she was still holding on to the open bottle.
They adjourned for a bit for the ticking, the subsequent pillow fight to fend off the attack of the tickling fiend, and then more vodka for the both of them -- because vodka always made everything go down better, in Lois' vaunted opinion.
"This is crazy, you know that, right?" Chloe drawled out slowly, leaning against Lois on the couch.
"Is not," Lois declared right back, gesturing with her cup at her cousin. "It's... it's a beeeau-ti-ful fucked-up thing."
"Crazy," Chloe repeated.
"They just don't know what they're doing," Lois reassured her. "They've got that whole.... social dynamic thing right, but they don't know what they're sup'osed to do, really." She sighed again. "So sad."
"Scary," Chloe said.
"No, sad," Lois frowned, poking Chloe in the shoulder. "They coulda been... they coulda been, for ages." Lois sighed. "Got all outta whack, no balance. Stupid Evil Lex Luthor when Clark isn't around," she grumbled.
Chloe sighed and her head fell down to rest against Lois' shoulder with a soft thump.
"Lightweight," Lois said. "Pfft."
Lois took another gulp of vodka straight from the bottle and narrowed her eyes, thinking of sneaky sneaky plans on how to make sure the two silly Kansas boys stayed together. She was all for a not-evil Lex, after all.
Maybe she couldn't change the past and what happened to Wes, and maybe she couldn't make Luthor burn in hell for it on earth, but she could sure as hell try and make sure he didn't do anything else like that ever again. If that meant shoving him and Clark together and having him too busy with Clark to focus on anything else, instead of locking him in a filthy basement and shoving pins under his fingers and toenails, then fine. So be it.
She was a practical woman. She could work with this.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Next piece of Part 2 is here.
Author: josephina_x
Fandom: Smallville
Pairing: Clark, Lex
Rating: R (because it sort of has vague references to themes of BDSM *shrug*)
Spoilers: References season 6 and previous, general spoilers for early season 7 and all prior. Diverges at the end of Wrath (7x07) when Clark goes to talk to Lex.
Word count: 20,000+
Summary: What if Lex decided to be a little more... evil... at the end of Wrath? What if he decided to punish Clark, for Lana's transgression? ...What if Clark agreed to sacrifice himself for her sake? Would Clark break? Or would he... bend?
...Hey, that would be a totally crazy fic, am I right? --Unfortunately, this is not that. (Oops.) Here, Lex kind of goes the other route. You know, the whole brotherly-love one.
So, instead, you get Lex being pissed about Lana treating Clark like her own personal bitch, Clark's "sacrifice" isn't so much of one, and everybody else is left standing around scratching their heads while Lana ends up doing screechy-harpy things which we don't have to hear too much about -- you're welcome. (Chloe does, though. Feel sorry for Chloe, and send her emergency chocolate cake, stat.)
Warnings: Un-beta'd. An ungodly amount of Lois POV. A little character-bashing (screechy!Lana).
Disclaimer: Not mine, not-for-profit.
Comments: Yes, please! :)
Author's Note: At this stage, Lex is still totally uninitiated in the fine arts of BDSM, especially the dominant-submissive... stuff.
Also, I was kind of all over the place for awhile with possible story threads/forks, until canon decided to kick me in the head. (*ow* for damn headshots) But I at least know how this one's gonna end, now. --I'm not sure if my canon-fu is going to work out when I get there, but I'm sure gonna try! :)
Lois' explanations are more or less my own understanding of things, a la reading other fics, a couple wikipedia pages on all that 'safe, sane, and consensual' stuff ^_^ ...and one CSI episode. *facepalm* I'm definitely going to be playing fast-and-loose with the idea of 'pet'itude due to lack of knowledge and for the purpose of Necessary Sacrifices upon the Altar Of Plot. If I'm wrong about anything, I apologize -- no offense is intended. I'll be happy to put corrections in author's notes at the bottom of the fic to clarify if and/or where I'm wrong or very far off base on anything, if anyone would like to let me know.
...Whew, wow, ok, and just a quick heads up: this installment ended up a lot more SRS BSNS than I originally intended. (And so will the next one, for a bit.) I swear that it's kinda necesary for the boys and girls for the sake of future, more happy-fun-time shenanigans, though, or things would've fallen through at a later date in a very bad way. ...But sometimes you gotta break down before you build up, y'know. *shakes fist at plot*
The first part of this fic is here on LJ.
Also posted to AO3 here (includes all chapters to-date).
~*~*~*~*~*~
Lois was walking out through the main area of the Talon, in a hurry to leave for work, checking her watch as she stomped double-time past the various tables in stiletto heels and dodged servers left, then left, then right again.
Then something registered out of the corner of her eye, and she came to a screeching halt.
She turned and clomped back the table and a half and slid in to sit across the booth from one Smallville farmboy, who was looking neither farmboy-ish nor very Smallvillian at the moment.
She planted her elbows on the table, propped her hands up on her fists, and stared for awhile with a small smile at said farmboy.
Clark Kent looked up at her, a little suspiciously, very much the picture of annoyance, and said, "You're gonna be late for work."
"I think I can spend five minutes here talking with you."
Clark frowned at her.
Lois smiled and said, "Aren't you going to even say hello?"
Clark sighed across the table at her and said tiredly, "Hi, Lois."
Lois grinned.
"So, what's all this, Smallville?" she said waving a hand at him. "The way you're decked out, maybe I should be calling you 'Metropolis', instead, and--" Her eyebrows went up as Clark shifted, sitting back, and dropped the arm he'd been using to prop up his chin, so she got a good look at his neck. "Is that a collar?"
Clark sighed again, but this time added a bemused but long-suffering, wincing smile as he rolled his eyes at the ceiling.
"It's not my fault that Cook's chocolate cake tastes so great!" he complained. "I got totally distracted."
Lois blinked at him. "You... got distracted..."
"Stupid Lex and his medieval weapons," Clark muttered, crossing his arms and slouching in his designer slacks and button-down shirt.
"...Uh, yeah, Smallville, that'll get you every time," Lois said uncertainly, wondering what the hell-- wait, Lex? Lex Luthor? What??
Clark gave her a look. "I'd just never seen one before," he said. "If he tries that again, I'll be able to wiggle my legs out of it real quick next time. There's a trick to it," he said, conspiratorilly, leaning forward a bit over the table towards her.
"Um." Lois leaned in a little, dropping one fist. "There's gonna be a next time?"
Clark gave her a 'well, duh!' look. "It's not like I'm gonna keep it on when I shower, so I figure I'll just accidentally 'forget' to put it back on after, and--" Clark glanced up and stopped talking.
"Too late -- I heard that," said Lex, standing there with a cup of coffee in one hand and a muffin in the other.
Lois nearly squeaked as Clark shifted over a little -- automatically -- and Lex dropped down next to him.
"Ok, seriously though," Lois interjected before the two of them started really going at it, with the way they were eyeing each other. "What's with the collar?" She laughed. "Does he, like, own you now, or something?" she teased.
When Lex raised an eyebrow and Clark blushed slightly, Lois' mouth dropped. "Wait -- seriously?" and oh god, this was doing bad things to her brain.
Clark huffed out a breath and said, "It's kind of more like a dare..."
Lex blinked, then turned slightly to look at Clark sideways. He raised both eyebrows slowly as Clark looked away and started to blush a little pink again.
"What? It kind of is," Clark mumbled.
"...This is true," Lex said mildly, pulling off a chunk of his muffin and popping it into his mouth.
"Ok, so what's the dare?" Lois said, because she got BDSM, and she got stupid guy dares, but these two trying to mix them together? Without a half ton of explosives and a shoehorn? Did she miss that day at sex college? Because she totally would've attended that class if she'd known about it.
Lex gave her a long look, then said, "Off the record?"
"Pssh, please. I'm not a society reporter," she said with derision. "Unless this is some kind of weird LuthorCorp meteor-rock project-gone-wrong Chloe's-area-of-expertise thing and you both got hosed--" She shut up at the twin blank looks. "Uh. Right then, not a 'record' thing! --Proceed?" And she put on her best 'listening' look.
Lex gave what almost looked like a sigh, then said, "The 'dare' is: Clark does what I say, and Lana doesn't get jailed for trying to kill me yesterday."
Clark eyed Lex and his muffin sideways.
Lois was too shocked by the first to really pay too much attention to Clark right then.
"Lana-- wait, what??" Lois said, shaking her head. She wasn't sure if she ws more startled by what Luthor had said, or by how completely casual he was being about it. "You're kidding."
"No, I'm really not." Lex said with a smile. "I'd appreciate it if you kept that to yourself, by the way," he said, his smile turning a little more shark-like.
"Like I'd believe that," Lois blew him off.
"Little know fact: all my ex-wives try to kill me," Lex said, like he was amused.
"Yeah, you'd think maybe you'd stop doing that once you picked up on the pattern," Clark poked at him, sounding worn out.
"Maybe I thought the third time was the charm," Lex said mildly, reaching out for his muffin while looking at Clark.
Clark winced at the oblique Lana reference.
Lex's hand closed around empty air.
Lex looked a little blank all of a sudden, as he turned his head to look down at the empty muffin cup sitting on the table in front of him.
He started to look up at Clark, when Clark said suddenly, all outrage, "Lois! Geez, it's bad enough when you steal my muffins!" at which point Lex's head swiveled towards her instead and she got the death glare of her life. She felt her eyes go wide and she leaned back a little away from him.
Lois' mouth dropped open, because -- fuck -- the whole reason Clark hadn't said anything earlier was because he had been too busy sneaking Lex's muffin out from under him and then stuffing it in his mouth and chewing and swallowing it down in record time.
Lex took in a breath and started to open his mouth to say god-knew-what... and then he paused, blinked at her...
--and then rounded on Clark, declaring hotly, "I fed you this morning!"
"I'm still hungry," Clark said, shrugging.
"I don't care!" Lex told him. "Don't steal my muffins!"
...It should be illegal for someone to look that completely innocent and totally mischevious at the same time.
But, more importantly, "When the hell did you learn how to lie like that?' Lois asked Clark, because fuck if that hadn't taken some mad skill -- she'd seen Clark steal that muffin and down it right in front of her, and she'd still been doubting herself! She wasn't sure whether she was more in awe at the brazen outrageousness of it all, or pissed at him for nearly getting her head bitten off by Luthor for something she didn't do.
"What the hell are you talking about, Lane?" Luthor said, glancing back at her with a frown. "Clark's a horrible liar."
Lois opened her mouth to say something... then closed it again, thinking the better of it.
"--hrk--!" said Luthor, through a closed mouthful of coffee that he barely managed to swallow.
Clark smiled.
"Oh man," he said, looking at his fingers. "Must be a new girl on staff today."
"Can't believe they got my order wrong," Lex got out through a clenched jaw, grimacing and suppressing a cough.
"Yeah, everybody knows not to give you the really strong bitter stuff when you ask for it."
Lex looked blank, then turned to Clark, and, wow, was that his poker face, or was that actually his 'what the fuck?' look instead? --Because if that was the second one, Lois had been giving the man waaaaay too much credit.
"It's just a misfilled order," Lex said.
Clark smiled.
"I drink this coffee at home," Lex said darkly.
"Cook fills the supply orders," Clark said.
Lex's eyes started to narrow.
"It's just a label. Reeeeeally easy to change."
Lex glared at him.
"They stock it at the store down the street," Lex said in a patient tone. "I've gotten it for myself before for the coffeemaker at work."
"Which is where Cook buys it from," Clark said, " 'cause you tell her you want things bought local when you can. And you're kinda noticeable, and it's really easy to see you coming, and they put the labels on things when they give them to you, and for the big orders they fill it out of stuff in the back, right?"
Lex went expressionless.
Then Clark went in for the killing blow. "I mean, why wouldn't a grocer who Cook does business with not want to do her a favor to keep her employer happy? And it's not like anbody can really read all those labels on the jars really well from across the counter, anyway. They wouldn't even need to switch the labels--"
"It's. Just. A. Misfilled. Order." Lex repeatedly slowly, glaring bloody murder.
Clark, totally zen, then said: "Well, ok, then you should just be able to go up there and ask somebody different and they'll fill it the way you want it, right?"
Wow. Even Lois could hear the almost-trap there. Clark was totally up to something.
Lex glared at him for awhile, then got up slowly -- not taking his eyes off of him -- and walked back up to the counter.
Clark snickered quietly.
"Wow, Smallville, you weren't kidding about the dares," Lois breathed out.
Clark grinned at her.
"So, seriously though, what--"
"Shh, he's coming back," Clark said.
They waited until he had walked back over, and stood in front of the table.
He glared at them both.
He raised the coffee and took a decent quaff of it, looking smug.
...The smug look didn't last.
In fact, if Lois had to make a guess, as Luthor tried very hard not to spray the mouthful across the width of the table, that was probably him trying out his look of utter horror and disbelief.
He barely managed to swallow it down, then stared at the coffee cup for awhile.
Then he slowly put the coffee cup down on the edge of the table -- carefully, like you'd do if you suddenly realized that you were holding a bomb.
He looked up at Clark.
"You know, it could be a third thing." Clark paused. "Like, maybe I, say... pulled a fast one on you?"
"Don't be ridiculous, you haven't talked to any of the servers since we've been here," Lex blew him off. "If you did I can't see how."
And then he paused as his own words sank in.
Clark grinned.
Lex closed his eyes, composed himself, took one step back, and then opened his eyes and looked directly at Clark with a piercing gaze.
He held up an arm and pointed at the coffee counter. "Get up there and get me my coffee," he demanded peevishly.
Clark grinned. But he got.
Lois eyed Lex as he sat down on the other side of the booth to wait for Clark to get back.
She watched as Lex pulled the 'bad coffee' to him, and popped off the lid. He stared down into it for awhile, then grimaced again, managed to put the lid back on in such a way as to communicate his thorough disgust with the contents -- how the hell he did that exactly, Lois wasn't quite sure; she tried it herself in the mirror afterwards and everything and couldn't pull it off before Chloe came in and asked her what she was doing -- and then he pushed it off to the side with the other abandoned cup.
Only then did he look back up at her.
"What? I know he's lying," Lex frowned at her, "I just don't know where the lie is, exactly," he ended on a quieter and more frustrated note.
About that point was when Clark came back over with coffee and another chocolate muffin.
Lois figured that this was why Lex got the big bucks -- he checked to make sure the coffee was drinkable before he stole Clark's muffin and started shoving him towards the big armchairs, declaring that he was relocating them to someplace where he could put his food and beverage where Clark wasn't liable to reach over and steal them from him.
Lois decided that this was probably a good time to get some food herself, glancing at her watch. If she was going to stay any longer, she'd need to spend her breakfast time eating here at the same time she was watching their antics or have to go without.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Ok, so what's the deal with the coffee?" she asked one of the servers at the bar that she knew.
Jodie blushed at her. "Ok, you know how when we were working here, they told us that the recipe for the 'triple punch' was--"
"--Yeah, so?"
Jodie bit her lip. "Ummmmm..."
Lois blinked at her. "They changed the recipe?"
"Nooooo... not, exactly," Jodie said, twisting her towel.
Lois blinked at her, then leaned over the counter a little. "We got the recipe wrong?" she asked in a low undertone.
Jodie blushed a little deeper. "It wasn't just us! Everybody did!" she said frantically. "We had a guy come in yesterday, order one, and complain! He ended up giving us the explicit order, and we looked it up after, and he was totally right!"
Lois' mouth dropped. "So-- wait, did he?" she asked, glancing back at Luthor.
"Yeah, he's the only one who ever orders it," Jodie whispered. "I feel so bad; we've been doing it wrong all this time!" she said.
Lois blinked at her. "Uh... don't you think he would've complained?"
Jodie gave her a sad look. "You didn't usually take the morning shifts when everybody's in a rush. We always give him the new girls, especially when they're having a bad day. He never yells, or complains, or asks them to take it back, or anything. He always smiles, even when it's the wrong order."
"How do you know it's the wrong order?" Lois asked, taking her drink as it was passed to her.
"Uh, he never orders anything with whipped cream."
Lois had to stifle a laugh at that mental image. "Wow."
"Yeah."
"Huh," said Lois, frowning. That didn't exactly mesh up with the guy who had fucked over Wes and turned him into a living weapon system. She turned to look at Luthor. He was sitting in one of the huge armchairs in a circle of four with Clark sitting on the floor at his feet on the 'inside' of the circle. He had his coffee cup and his muffin on a sidetable on the outside rim, well out of Clark's reach.
"Well, protip -- apparently he likes the 'nonstandard' way of making it,' Lois said as she handed over her credit card to pay.
"Oh," Jodie said, then, "--oh!!!" in sudden enlightenment. "So that's why Clark asked for the 'old' version, and why Mrs. Millie wanted to know how we made it!"
Lois turned and blinked at her. "Mrs. Millie?"
"The cook up at the castle," Jodie said. "It was... wow, a couple of years ago, now. She came down here asking if we could show her how he liked his coffee, because she said his old cook had apparently known, but she didn't seem to be quite getting the trick of it."
Lois looked at her, then started to grin, and they both quietly laughed.
"Oh man," Lois said, biting her lip to try and stop grinning like a loon, because, honestly, that had to be the worst practical joke ever. How had Clark known?
"Hey," Lois said as an afterthought. "What kind of muffin did Clark buy?"
~*~*~*~*~*~
Lois walked back over and said, "Hey, Smallville, catch!" before tossing him the chocolate muffin.
Clark caught it, then looked at it, and then her, with a little suspicion.
Lois smiled. She was curious, Clark wasn't a dummy, and this was kind of a test.
--Though not for him.
Lex glanced down and grabbed it away almost immediately.
"Don't go feeding my pet random muffins," he said briskly, leaning forward and setting the muffin down on the low coffee table in front of her as she sat down directly across from him.
...Pet? Lois thought, as Clark outright pouted up at Lex. So, wait -- he does know what he's doing?
"Stop that!" Lex scolded, looking a little put out. "You can't possibly still be hungry."
"You're having coffee and muffins that you could have had at home," Lois pointed out.
Lex turned to stare at her. "That was morning coffee; this is work coffee," he said, like that explained anything.
"And the muffins?"
"I don't have to explain my eating habits to you."
"Geez, I was just asking," Lois backed off.
But then she watched as Clark gave Lex sighing looks, and Lex almost absently handed over his own muffin to Clark. "So what did they say at the counter?" Lex asked as he did so.
Lois smirked evilly. "That they were doing it wrong."
Lois wished she'd had a camera -- the look that Lex got when he realized that she hadn't actually told him anything was unreal.
Clark perked up for all of two seconds over finally getting the muffin... then looked a little guilty. "Um, you want to split it?" he asked Lex, holding it up to him.
Lex blinked. "I thought you were hungry," he said as he took it back.
"Yeah, but I already had one and you haven't."
Lex's eyes narrowed.
Whoops! thought Lois. Gotcha.
"I steal Lois' muffins sometimes," Clark added for plausible deniability, and Lois rolled her eyes -- close save -- as she picked up her own muffin. "She doesn't usually eat two," he said, as Lois was on her first bite, "because she's watching her girlish figure."
Lois nearly choked on her mouthful of muffin.
"I--" She felt a little unreasonably panicky, and nearly coughed and needed a sip of coffee to get it down. "Um--"
"You look fine; a second muffin wouldn't kill you. Clark -- that's a horrible thing to say to a girl," Lex frowned down at him, and then proceeded to futz up the top of Clark's hair in a not-very-friendly way.
"--But she's not a girl, she's Lois!" Clark complained, putting up his arms and defending his head.
"I thought you didn't like reporters," Lois said, eyeing the two of them and cataloging their behavior.
Lex glanced up at her, pausing in his mild torment of Clark. "I don't." He paused for a beat, then frowned. "It's the principle of the thing." He sounded like he was confused as to why he'd have to explain it to anyone.
Ok, wow. That was just... not...
And then she watched Lex split the muffin and hand Clark half. The larger half.
Clark took it from him, and looked at it. He looked up at Lex, and saw how large his piece was.
And then he looked down and got a small smile.
Lois nearly dropped her coffee from nerveless fingers, because she'd seen Clark's big grins, and his lopsided sarcastic smiles, but she'd never seen him smile like that before. Not pure, unadulterated joy.
That thought did bad things to her head, because she knew Lana had did a number on him before she'd met him, but if she couldn't remember a time -- any time -- when he'd looked that happy and loved...
Lex reached down and absently ruffled Clark's hair.
Clark's smile grew into a small bright grin, and he shook his head and said, "Hey, you aren't getting chocolate muffin in my hair, are you?"
"Maybe," Lex smiled.
"Agh, you'd better not; I'll have to wash it, again," Clark complained, biting into his muffin.
"Or I'll have to," Lex said off the cuff, lounging back in his chair and popping another piece into his mouth.
Then they both paused in their chewing and looked at each other.
"Wait, no--" Clark protested, craning his neck up to frown at Lex nervously.
Lex got a grin.
"No no no," said Clark. "My hair! Mine!"
Lex chuckled and leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees and leaning down somewhat. "Hmmm, I don't know. I hear pets are bad about taking their own baths..." he said, starting to get into it.
"Shower," said Clark.
"Bath," said Lex.
Clark made a face.
Lex's smirk turned into a grin (--which was just weird to see on him, because it wasn't even evil or maniacal or anything).
Lois did a mental facepalm and took it back. Lex had no fucking idea what he was doing, really, at all.
...Which was kind of funny as hell, actually. It looked like Clark was actually better at it, even though he obviously didn't have a clue, either.
Well, I guess this is why it's all some weird G-rated version of some kind of mess, instead of, y'know, normal domsub behavior, Lois sighed as she sipped at her coffee and listened to them bicker. No wonder I've been having trouble drawing a bead on them the last fifteen minutes -- there's no bead to draw, she snorted.
But what she figured was the really weird shit was that Luthor was almost acting like a actual human being for once.
...At least until Lana walked up.
When she thought about it later, she could almost forgive them -- divorce brings out the worst in people.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Lex," Lana walked up, declaratively. "Where's-- Clark?!"
Clark winced, then turned and looked up at Lana, smiling weakly. He opened his mouth--
...then seemed to stall out, glanced at Lex, then snapped it shut and turned away.
He looked nervous.
Ok, what the hell was--
"--He's not speaking to you," Lex interrupted smoothly, like an black oil slick, turning in his chair slightly to face Lana.
Lana opened her mouth to retort--
"--because I ordered him not to," Lex ended with a very dark smile.
He popped the last chunk of muffin in his mouth and chewed as Lana stared down at him.
"What?" Lana said, looking down at him in disbelief.
"It's really not that hard to understand, Lana," Lex began, once he'd taken the casual second to swallow. "You're getting what you want, but not quite the way you thought you would."
Lana frowned. "What are you talking about?"
Lex looked up at her with infinite patience. "I'm talking about when you sent Clark over to the mansion to talk me out of destroying your life for trying to murder me, of course, thinking I'd be more amenable to the idea if it came from him." He turned and lifted his coffee cup, taking a sip and pointedly not looking at Lana for a moment. "I decided to take him out of play."
What the hell? Lois thought again, because this right here? Was the Lex Luthor she'd expected to see earlier. ...So what the hell had been earlier?
Lana gave a little laugh in disbelief and miscomprehension. "What the hell are you talking about, Lex? I didn't--"
Lex waved a hand as he rose. "Asking him directly, dropping a hint of worry and knowing he'd take the initiative, knowing and not stopping him -- how you did it is not at issue here." He tilted his head down at her and gave her an unamused frown. "What is at issue is that you seem to think it appropriate to drag other people into the middle of something personal that is only between the two of us," he said, gesturing between them with the hand holding his coffee cup. "That is not acceptable." He tilted his head slightly. "I would have thought better of you, Lana," he said, more softly.
Lois was only half-listening on autopilot at this point. She was still trying to wrap her brain around watching Lex perform a maneuver for Clark that her dad had done for her, multiple times when she was little and another ambassador or general had been getting out of line during negotiations when she'd been in the room: a physical body-block, taking a dominant stance and breaking direct line-of-sight, a subtle redirect of attention.
It pretty much said, 'Leave them out of this, this has nothing to do with them -- you talk to me,' and Lois knew that Lex knew her dad, the General.
She wondered if he'd learned it from him.
...It was more protective than just possessive, and Lois wondered how much of it was a calculated lie, and how much... wasn't.
But given the way Clark was starting to hunch in on himself a little, Lois wasn't going to argue the call.
"You're crazy, Lex," Lana laughed. "I didn't send Clark over to do anything. Why would he go to see you? What 'murder'?" Lana looked incredulous.
Lex clenched and unclenched his jaw and seemed to mentally square his shoulders.
Ok, between the three of them, Lois was starting to wonder whether her bullshit meter was broken, or just needed new batteries. Lois really couldn't think of any reason why Clark wouldn't have contradicted Lex earlier when he'd said what he did if Lex had been lying, but Lana didn't sound like she knew what they'd been talking about.
Somebody was lying.
If Clark's reaction was any indication -- his head twisting upwards, and almost saying something, then not -- then Lana was the one who...
"Lana, I have evidence..." Lex began calmly, quietly.
Lana laughed.
"...backup copies of the security camera footage, copied to a bank of offline servers in a secure location."
Lana looked at him.
"Your intrusions into my systems have not gone unnoticed. I simply haven't had a reason to care because you haven't done anything with the information." Lex sighed.
"Don't be ridiculous," Lana scoffed, "If I had--"
"--I generally would not make it publically known which computer systems had been compromised, and simply wait until I knew who the intruder was before acting," Lex explained, then continued just as quietly, "I didn't try to oust your connections to the systems because there is an implicit understanding that doing so would alert you to my awareness of this fact. You are a smart woman, Lana. I have no doubt that when you try again I might not notice where or how you manage to do so, and may not be able to circumnavigate the more sensitive dealings of the company through alternate routes to keep them secure, if necessary."
Lana shook her head. "Lex, if there really is someone hacking into your systems, I'd certainly hope you'd disconnect them. A lot of people are employed by LuthorCorp, not just you. You're putting a lot of people at risk, assuming you're not just having paranoid delusions again," she said sadly.
Lex tensed.
So did Clark.
Clark was staring at the floor. Lex was staring at her.
"Lana--" he started warningly.
"--I mean, really," Lana said condescendingly, "Who believes in little green men?"
"Uh..." Lois looked between the two of them. "You're, uh... that... 'aliens' thing that some of the police talked about? After the meteor shower?" Lois said slowly. She had thought that had been the post-traumatic stress talking, even if it had been a lot of the force... until it wasn't.
Lois knew from Chloe that Lex had spent a couple-month stint in Belle Reeve a few years ago, but she hadn't thought he was that far off the reservation.
"Don't do this, Lana," Lex said under his breath.
"Yes, he does. He was obsessed," she spat out. "Seeing things that weren't there, totally paranoid." She took a breath. "He has no evidence of anything out of the ordinary, and he still--"
"LANA!" he shouted, losing his temper.
Lois' mind was racing about the implications of a delusionally-insane lunatic running LuthorCorp, and she paled.
Lois glanced down at Clark, who was slowly cringing in on himself, like he wanted to disappear into the floor.
"...I don't suppose either of you would like to make an evidentiary comment to that effect?" Lois asked, deciding to play reporter. People usually clammed up when they did that.
"Good luck getting anyone to talk who isn't dead or bought off," Lana said, crossing her arms and staring Lex in the eye.
Lex said, without looking away from Lana, "I have never made any claims for or against the possibility of extraterrestrial life." He took a breath. "I believe that you may wish to find a NASA spokesperson, Miss Lane, if you wish to discuss the rather controversial possibility of microbial life on Mars or the moons of Saturn, such as Titan."
Lana snorted.
"Ok, then," Lois said briskly, not real happy with either of the two of them.
"Clark, come on, we're--" Lana started, craning her neck around Lex.
Lex moved between them again. "He's not going anywhere with you; I told you."
"He's a grown man--"
"--who decided to give me his life in exchange for leaving you to yours, for your most recent transgression," Lex smoothly cut in. "I'd recommend not doing something that might make him regret that."
...And now I have gotten three different explanations for the same thing? Lois felt like those three blind guys with the elephant.
Lana stared up at him, probably feeling about as shocked hearing this version for the first time.
"...What."
"I said--"
Lana waved him off. "You're insane." She grabbed the advantage when he froze, taking the opportunity to walk around him far enough -- closer to Lois -- so that she could finally get a good look at Clark, while Lex wasn't reacting fast enough to stop her.
Lois knew when she saw the dog collar when Lana's expression cracked like a bad plaster mask.
"What the hell are you wearing?" she said in descending tones.
Lex got between them again. "What I told him to."
"He's not your doll," Lana spat out, and it was about that point at which Lois realized that she had to be the only one who could really see Clark from her seated position, the way he was reacting to Lana's words. "Or your slave. You can't tell him what to do."
"So long as he fulfills his end of the bargain, and me mine, that is, in fact, exactly what he will do -- what I tell him," Lex said coldly.
Lana blanched.
"Clark, get up and get out of here now!" she shrieked.
Lois winced along with Clark at that one. Lex started to look like he was getting truly angry.
"Clark!" Lana said again when he didn't move. "Clark, listen to me -- he can't do anything!"
"Lana, stop--" Lex began, before Lois could interject herself -- honestly, the 'following orders' thing was kind of bullshit, the way Clark had been teasing Lex earlier to no end.
"No, you--!" Lana ground her teeth and took a step closer to Lex. "--Even if I admitted something did happen, everyone knows about meteor psychosis," Lana hissed under her breath, not loud enough to carry any further than the four of them, and with that, Lois felt very cold.
Lex looked down his nose at her and dropped his hands to his sides. "Oh, please do try to convince the authorities to recognize that -- I've been trying to no avail for years," he drawled, just as quietly.
"You are lying about the tapes. There is no evidence. It's your word against mine, and all I'll have to do is put Clark on the stand," Lana declared with a smile on her face. "And what do you think he'll say, huh?"
Lois saw Clark's head whip up at that. He almost said something, but something in his eyes died out first. Lois watched as he slowly closed his eyes, and his forehead began to furrow, like the thought was causing him physical pain. His head slowly dropped down onto his knees.
"That would not be wise," Lex said slowly. "There are things that I think we both know that he would rather not talk about--"
"So he lies or pleads the fifth, as if you'd care, except for not getting the outcome you'd want," Lana brushed off. "Now, come on, Clark!" Lana directed at him, more loudly.
Clark was pressing his hands against his head, looking like he was trying to tune out the world.
"Lana, just --stop for a second, ok?" Lois said a little desperately, standing up and putting a hand on her shoulder. She really didn't want to get involved in this mess, but Clark was her friend, and this was getting to be too much, even for her.
Lana brushed her off as Lex turned to her, then turned around to Clark and blinked when he took in what he was seeing.
He immediately took a step forward and knelt down next to him, and Lois saw the aloof and very powerful businessman vanish, to be replaced with only quiet concern. "Clark?"
Clark twitched, and his head only came up just a little.
"I want to go home," he told Lex.
Lex paused for only a second before he said, nonjudgmentally, "All right, Clark."
They both got up and left.
Lois grabbed Lana's arm in a grip when Lana started to move forward to follow them. Lana ended up whirling on her and saying, "Lois, what the hell--?" while at the same time grabbing her wrist lightning-fast in a pincer hold that only looked harmless. Lois had to reflexively let go.
"Ow, Lana! Geez," she complained, rubbing her wrist -- it had hurt like hell, and she just knew she was gonna end up with bruises. She didn't want to think about how to explain this one to Grant.
Lana started to head for the door, Lois following -- god help her, more concerned about what would happen to Clark when Lana caught up to him than what Lex might do with him in the meantime -- when they heard behind them, "Lana? Lois? What's going on?"
Chloe caught up to them in a hurry -- she had a slightly later shift than Lois at the Planet, and was only just leaving the Talon -- wow, Lois was really gonna be late now if she didn't book it like Mario Andretti -- and Lana briefly and quickly started to fill her in.
"Lex did something to Clark -- he thinks he has to do what Lex says--!"
"Woah! Woah! That's not what it sounds like!" Lois started, because given all of Luthor's crazy mindcontrol projects, that came across way worse than--
"It's close enough!" Lana snapped at her, and Lois barely held her ground, eyes widening.
"Ok, wait, hold on," Chloe said, waving her hands a little and getting between them, playing peacekeeper. "Can we start over from the beginning please?"
"There's no time!" Lana interjected. "Lex said he's taking him home."
"What's wrong with the farm?" Chloe asked with a frown.
Lois glanced out the window at Lex and Clark, who were parked right outside on the street, and watched Lex start to pull out, and then saw Clark look panicked and like he was arguing with Lex. Lex looked shocked for a moment, then determined as he pulled an illegal U-turn in the middle of the street -- damn, that car had a tight turn radius!
"I don't think Clark meant he wanted to go to the farm..." Lois said with a breathless laugh, as her cousin and her crazy friend whirled around just in time to see Lex take off down the street in the opposite direction.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Ok, cuz'," Lois sighed as she walked back into their apartment, dropped her bag, and starting pulling off her heels, "What's the damage?"
"Lois!" Chloe said with a startled look upwards from the couch. She had her feet kicked up and her laptop in her lap. "I didn't hear you come in!"
"And I didn't see you at work today. What gives?" Lois had thought that Chloe was right behind her on the way out, only stopping a minute to calm Lana down, maybe make her take some Valium and crash.
"Lana ended up asking me to take a sick day to help her out with a few things," Chloe said with a weak 'what can you do?' smile.
"Oh god, Chloe," Lois groaned, tossing her shoes down by the door and dropping down onto the couch next to her. "Tell me you didn't get roped into this."
"Lois--"
"No, cuz', just-- no." Lois dropped her head back and stared at the ceiling. "Seriously, I'm on Team Clark for this one."
"Lois, 'Team Clark' went back to the mansion with 'Team Lex'," Chloe said disapprovingly.
"Yeah, sure, except that in this case, I think those teams might be the same team," Lois put out there.
"What?" Chloe said, closing her laptop.
"I take it you got the totally biased version, then," Lois sighed as she pulled her legs up and propped her head up on her arm, staring at Chloe.
"Lois--"
"No, look -- you didn't see them before Little Miss Harpy swooped in," Lois objected. "At this point? Even if they both actually got zapped by your magic space rocks, I'm thinking that maybe it was for the best and we should look into making it permanent."
"Lois!"
"Chlo, I'm serious, ok?" Lois leveled with her. "Unless you're planning on nomming Luthor for an Emmy this year, I don't think he was faking anything earlier. They were both happy and relaxed and just fucking around messing with each other before Lana showed up, and Clark started doing his turtle impression and Lex went all Evil Suit again."
Chloe's eyebrows went up.
"No, really. Chloe, if you'd asked me before this morning if I thought Clark was yanking my chain when he said they used to be friends, I would've sworn up and down that he must've been. Either that, or totally naiive or something, but..."
"So which one do you think is the real Lex?' Chloe asked.
Lois snorted and rolled her eyes at the leading question. "Both of them. I like the domsub one that shows up around Clark a lot better though -- he's practically human."
"Domsub?"
Lois blinked at her Kansas born-and-bred cousin, city-girl or not, and sighed. "Uh, yeah. BDSM? Like--"
"Dominatrix? Like, black leather, high heels, and a whip? --And chains?" Chloe's voice went up a few octaves.
"Uh, not all of it's like that --oh, wow," Lois said, her eyes going distant for a second. "Wow. No wonder he and Lana can't get along. Two doms just doesn't work," she said, thinking of Lana's crazy-unexpected transformation that morning -- but then again, most doms apparently were... until the button-down cardigan came off. "Talk about a bitch on heels..."
Lois frowned. "It's kind of weird, though. Most power suits that are guys like subbing... --uh, hey, don't look at me like that," she said as Chloe gave her an ashonished look. "I've just got some friends in the scene, ok? I went, I saw, I decided it wasn't my shot of vodka," she explained, curling up on the couch with a pillow. "But they were nice enough to explain things so I could at least try to understand a little."
She glanced down and realized Chloe had opened up her laptop again. "Hey, I can get how you might wanna go into research mode before talking about this stuff, but you should probably stay away from--" she watched Chloe's eyes go wide "--image search," she ended too late. She sighed.
"I'ma gonna get us some alcohol, ok?" Lois said, abandoning her pillow on the couch as she got up and headed for the kitchen.
"Uh huh," Chloe said, unable to tear her eyes away from whatever porny thing her browser was probably showing her.
Five minutes and a couple shots between them, Chloe was giggling and Lois breathed a sigh of relief that she hadn't completely broken her favorite cousin's brain.
"Ok, ok," Chloe said finally, turning back to Lois. "First off, I think we're missing at least two out of the three SSC--"
"I won't comment on 'sane'," Lois said, rolling her eyes, "But no -- it's definitely consensual," Lois said.
"Lex threatened Lana," Chloe frowned. "Clark's only doing it because--"
"Yeah, no -- maybe that's how they got into this mess, but -- no," Lois shook her head. "Those two ended up explaining it three different ways, and when Smallville put it as a 'dare', Luthor pretty much agreed."
"A 'dare'??!" Chloe repeated.
"Um," Lois had to think back. "And I quote: 'Clark does what I say, and Lana doesn't get jailed for trying to kill me yesterday.' "
Chloe stared at her.
"...Yeah, they're guys. I think the 'dare' part comes in where Clark keeps trying to annoy Lex to the point that Lex says 'nevermind' before Clark says he wants out, and still leaves Lana alone because he was the one to give up first," Lois shrugged, downing a shot of vodka. "Speaking of," Lois said casually, "did Lana actually do that?"
"Lois--" Chloe started in that particular chiding tone, one Lois recognized.
"No. Stop right there," Lois said with a sinking feeling. "God." She slammed down the bottle, feeling a little ill. "I can't believe that you'd even think of lying to me, to family over some friend!"
"Lois--!" Chloe looked almost desperate.
"No, Chlo'! Lex said it, Clark didn't correct him, and practically outright agreed with him later, and then Lana practically admitted it right at the end before you came downstairs," Lois said. "This isn't a 'Lois has a crazy theory' moment. Don't you dare!"
"She wasn't in her right mind," Chloe said angrily.
"No shit," Lois said. "I bet she wasn't this morning, either."
"Lois--"
"No, I am telling you, this whole thing is bad news, Chlo'," Lois warned her. "It sounded like Luthor was pissed, like he thought Lana had been dragging Clark into the middle of things and Luthor was trying to, not, or something. It sounded like he was getting ready to take the gloves off if she didn't back the hell down, Chlo. I don't want you picking sides and getting caught up in the crossfire."
"She's my friend," Chloe said stubbornly. "I'm not just going to ditch her because Lex decided to turn up the heat."
"I know," Lois said. "But I don't think you want to be blindly backing the one who's running around trying to murder the other one."
"Lex has done way worse, and you know it!" Chloe said.
"...Are you actually ok with Lana trying to kill him?" Lois asked, tilting her head to look at her.
Chloe clenched her jaw. "She wasn't in her right mind," she stressed.
"Ok, fine. Whatever," Lois said, slumping back against the sofa cushions. "Just-- do me a favor, ok?"
"What?"
"If this is some meteor rock thing somehow -- and I'm not saying it is -- then you'd damn well better find the antidote for it, first," Lois said firmly. "Because if it is then I'm pretty sure neither of those poor bastards knows it, and the comedown for Clark will probably end up going down harder than he was senior year over Lana."
Chloe made a face. "Why would you think it isn't, anyway?"
"Because I asked them if it was, and they both looked at me like I was nuts."
Chloe snorted and rolled her eyes.
"I know; just keep an eye out, ok?"
"Sure."
Lois mixed up some more rum and coke for Chloe and handed it over, then poured herself another shot of vodka.
"...You really think it's some kind of a dare?" Chloe asked.
Lois looked at her sideways, and proceeded to explain about the coffee and the muffins.
Chloe blinked at her. "Uh..."
"Yeah. I know. Dommie-subby mindgame bliss all around." Lois downed another shot.
"Clark was making a game. Out of lying," Chloe said speculatively, crossing her arms, frowning, and thinking hard.
"It was more like pulling pranks than shooting the shit, but yeah," Lois agreed. "Silly boys -- I really would've figured Lex for the sub and Clark for the dom, I swear."
"Mm, websites say that some people swap?"
"Eh, maybe." Lois offered. "Seemed pretty consistent to me."
"Are you sure Clark's the sub?" Chloe asked. "It sounded like he was the one controlling Lex more than the other way around."
"That's kind of how it works, Chlo," Lois said. "The sub has the most power, because everything has to stop when they say 'no'."
"Except Clark's not going to," Chloe pointed out.
"Yeah, but I bet it's not because he's worried about Lana anymore, or he wouldn't be pushing the boundaries so much. He feels comfortable enough to try and see what he can get away with," Lois frowned. "I mean, he knows what Lex has been doing just as much as any of us. If he thought Lex was gonna pull something nasty, he'd be scared to death and self-censoring and jittery as hell, not... that." Lois waved a hand.
Then something occurred to Lois. "Oh shit. Luthor's a fucking genius."
"What?"
"The whole daring 'bet' thing," Lois said. "If Clark's worried about Lana, then he'll say 'yes' and he's 'out of play', out of the way from inbetween them--"
"Unless Lex is planning on using him against Lana," Chloe frowned.
"No, that violates the whole no-messing-with-Lana thing, and then Clark's off the hook," Lois said. "and I don't think it's that, or Lex would be more pissed with him about still coveting his ex-wife."
"Ouch," Chloe said, drinking down some of her coke-and-rum.
"But if Clark's okay with whatever, then Clark can point to the whole 'worried about Lana' thing as an excuse to keep going," Lois continued elaborating the original train of thought. "Lex takes the heat as being the overbearing bastard, which fits with the dommie role perfectly, Clark can't really be held accountable for his actions, because he's got his excuse, and they're all happy. Uh, except Lana."
"That..." Chloe scrunched up her face, "...is really twisted and wrong and totally dependent on Lex actually giving a damn about Clark."
"Meh, I guess it could work if Lex was trying to split them up and getting revenge or something that way," Lois offered, "But... yeah. Emmy. Pretty sure he actually gives a damn about Clark."
At Chloe's eyeroll, Lois said, "Look you had to be there, ok?"
"Uh huh," Chloe said noncommitally.
"Besides, with Lana saying she didn't want Clark to go through with it, he totally would've stopped if it was only all for her," Lois pointed out.
"Maybe."
Lois sighed. "Honestly, though. The way Clark likes taking care of people is kinda unreal. I swear he should be a dom though, with the whole down-home man-of-the-house king-of-the-land running-the-farm thing," she frowned. "I mean, I know he bends over backwards for Lana, but..."
Lois stopped and blinked at that.
"--Oh damn, maybe that's why they were fighting over Clark. Maybe Lana was trying to 'train' him or whatever, to flip him from a dom to a really fucking pathetic sub -- because I'm pretty sure she's all about the power-play flagellation stuff the way she was acting earlier once she dropped the mask -- and Lex wasn't having anything for it."
"And we're voting for Lex over Lana again, why?"
"Because Clark was happy and relaxed with Lex, and when Lana showed up he was flinching at every other word that came out of her mouth?" Lois parried. "It's not supposed to be like that. Not with the subby 'pet' stuff. The dommie 'owner' is supposed to take care of the 'pet' and make them feel all good and loved and crap, not verbally kick and abuse them. That's degrading." Lois frowned, because she really didn't like the implications of that, if that had been what Lana had been doing.
Lana had had him all alone on the farm for months, now, doing god-knows-what to him. Lex might have his work cut out for him. ...Except he didn't know what he was fucking doing, really. Ugh. Those two were gonna need some help.
"And the 'owner' gets what out of it? A pat on the back and a feeling of superiority at making a dog out of a person?" Chloe asked snarkily.
"No, that's the wrong way of doing it-- argh, look, I'm not explaining this well," Lois complained, falling backwards on the couch. "It's like... I think they're mostly supposed to be doing the same thing -- taking care of each other, but they do it different ways." Lois looked up at Chloe. "Like, the dom has it easier, because they can just ask and order and they're supposed to do obvious stuff to take care of things. The sub's gotta be a lot more subtle, 'cause the dom won't feel as good if they don't feel like they're in charge all the time," Lois tried to explain. "Like, they can't always ask stuff directly, usually, and they have to be a lot more attentive to the dom's moods and stuff."
"Attentive," Chloe repeated doubtfully.
"Yeah. They've gotta figure out when it's a good time to let the dom do their thing, and when they're getting so stressed out that they should interfere, and do it without being all ordering and dommie about it. Um..." Lois thought for a second. "Like, instead of saying, 'You should stop working because you're too stressed out and it's not good for you,' they've gotta be... more sneaky. Like, distract them by being all, 'I want to play, don't you want to spend time with cute little old me?' instead. --What?" Lois asked when Chloe's eyebrows went up.
"It's just..." Chloe got a weird twisty smile and said, "Clark used to go visit Lex after school and play pool with him at the mansion."
"...Okay?" Lois prompted.
Chloe sighed and looked away, biting her lip. "Clark usually complained about how Lex was always working and needed to take more breaks."
"Hah!" Lois pointed at her. "See! See! That, right there! That's what I'm talking abou-- wait," she stopped, her finger drooping. "When the hell was this again?"
"...Freshman year of high school. And, uh, most of sophmore year, too."
"Oh for god's sake!" Lois complained, throwing up her hands. "See, this is why they need to fix the sex-ed curriculum -- right there! Those two!"
Chloe choked on her rum-and-coke.
"Kansas boys," Lois said, rolling her eyes.
"Ok, ok, hold on," Chloe interrupted. "This thing here says different."
"Right, because everything online--" Lois grumbled. "Pass me this thing -- what is this?"
"Submissives, slaves, and pets," Chloe said, handing over her laptop. "This says pets are the lowest on the spectrum -- total submission and the most in--"
"--'danger of mentally losing their sense of self', thanks, Chlo, I can read," Lois sighed, passing the laptop back. "It also says that that definition isn't universal -- read a couple others," Lois said, pointing at the screen. "Maybe I'm biased because I only got my friends' perspective, but I'm using that term because -- A -- it's the most flexible one I know for what they're doing and -- B -- it doesn't usually involve sex during the 'petplay' or whatever. It isn't even necessarily 'full time', and it doesn't necessarily involve humiliation of the 'pet' or even making the 'pet' actually act like an animal."
Lois sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Not unless the 'pet' is actually wanting and asking for it, anyway, but I seriously don't see Clark getting off on that." She took another gulp of vodka. "--Plus, that's not how they were acting. --Clark and Lex, I mean. I think they're more on the 'petting and stroking and snuggling' end of the spectrum than the 'get down on all fours and eat out of a bowl' side." Then she stopped and got a slightly blank look. "Oh god, I just got a mental image of a snuggly Lex Luthor. Get it out, get it out," she said blandly, reaching for the vodka.
Chloe snickered.
Lois glanced over at her blonde-haired cousin. "Oh god -- please don't, I don't want to know!" Lois said.
" 'Snuggly Lex Luthor'," Chloe repeated darkly, with a giggle and a wide grin.
"Aaugh, no wait! --Alcohol! Alcohol in the hand!" Lois objected as Chloe reached forward and started tickling her while she was still holding on to the open bottle.
They adjourned for a bit for the ticking, the subsequent pillow fight to fend off the attack of the tickling fiend, and then more vodka for the both of them -- because vodka always made everything go down better, in Lois' vaunted opinion.
"This is crazy, you know that, right?" Chloe drawled out slowly, leaning against Lois on the couch.
"Is not," Lois declared right back, gesturing with her cup at her cousin. "It's... it's a beeeau-ti-ful fucked-up thing."
"Crazy," Chloe repeated.
"They just don't know what they're doing," Lois reassured her. "They've got that whole.... social dynamic thing right, but they don't know what they're sup'osed to do, really." She sighed again. "So sad."
"Scary," Chloe said.
"No, sad," Lois frowned, poking Chloe in the shoulder. "They coulda been... they coulda been, for ages." Lois sighed. "Got all outta whack, no balance. Stupid Evil Lex Luthor when Clark isn't around," she grumbled.
Chloe sighed and her head fell down to rest against Lois' shoulder with a soft thump.
"Lightweight," Lois said. "Pfft."
Lois took another gulp of vodka straight from the bottle and narrowed her eyes, thinking of sneaky sneaky plans on how to make sure the two silly Kansas boys stayed together. She was all for a not-evil Lex, after all.
Maybe she couldn't change the past and what happened to Wes, and maybe she couldn't make Luthor burn in hell for it on earth, but she could sure as hell try and make sure he didn't do anything else like that ever again. If that meant shoving him and Clark together and having him too busy with Clark to focus on anything else, instead of locking him in a filthy basement and shoving pins under his fingers and toenails, then fine. So be it.
She was a practical woman. She could work with this.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Next piece of Part 2 is here.