Comments | jooles34: Ramblings on bisexuality; mine, questions of, and attitudes towards

jooles34

Ramblings on bisexuality; mine, questions of, and attitudes towards

Dec 05, 2010 22:23

I get asked a lot of questions about bisexuality so thought I’d ramble a bit about it; about my experiences being bi, and some more general stuff about attitudes towards bis, sexuality and labels in case anyone is vaguely interested.

Sorry it got a bit out of hand…

( Ramblings including some naughty words here. )

ramblings, bisexuality

Comments 31

jcad6169 December 5 2010, 23:57:02 UTC

I really enjoyed reading this. I kept wanting to say sexuality is fluid, right up 'til I read it in your post :). It is also quite confusing for the family of the people who are bi or gay. I knew my son was gay very early, he was never attracted to girl pics, always had pinups of men ect. Yesterday he said he might be bi, but he wasn't sure. He knows we don't care, as long as he is good to his partners and they make him happy, but we have to redefine our expectations of what our life would be also when we discover our children will not provide the things we have grown up to expect. Grandchildren, proms, weddings ect. there is more too it but I am not talented enough to express what it is. This is not well written I know. I have raised my children with the understanding that different is not a bad thing, that it increases growth and stimulates ideas, so they are not afraid to be different. The hardest thing they had to learn was that they DO have to play roles at times, like it or not. Teachers, Bosses, and others expect certain ( ... )

jooles34 December 6 2010, 00:38:52 UTC

Thank you so much for your reply. And I'll be upfront and say it made me cry. My parents do not accept my sexuality at all and it is so wonderful to hear of someone supporting their child so completely. This may sound weird but from someone that doesn't have that I thank you.

I get that they are worried that if I end up with a woman I won't have the white wedding etc that parents plan for their children, it must be a confusing and tough adjustment, but I was with my ex girlf for four years and they wouldn't even have her name said out loud.

To my mind the signs were always there. Growing up there were pics of girls and boys on my walls, I crossed dressed throughout my teens, but it still came as a shock to them. I always hoped they would come around and accept it, but now I have accepeted that is not going to happen.

I think your reply is well written and again I thank you for it. It sounds like you have done a fantastic job with your boys.

(The comment has been removed)

jooles34 December 6 2010, 00:58:11 UTC

I agree that the gay community can be as un-understanding about bisexulity as the straight community and frequently as unaccpeting ( ... )

facing_the_wind December 6 2010, 01:18:18 UTC

I understand more than I can say. I'm probably about a 4 on your scale. I lean towards men, but I think it's mostly because I've grown up fancying them and only came to terms with the fact that it wasn't just a 'I wish I was that girl' but 'I wish I HAD that girl' in my early twenties. And I've never really gotten anywhere with girls just because I haven't done much 'dating' since my early twenties. Soooo... Yeah ( ... )

jooles34 December 6 2010, 21:46:11 UTC

Hurrah for not being ashamed!!

Bis I think are often treated worse by the gay community. They seem to think even more that we should just choose, or that we're just too scared to be "properly gay", or leaving ourselves a back up plan or something. But as you say, you'd think people that had faced discrimintation would be a little more open minded.

*hugs you*

facing_the_wind December 6 2010, 01:21:34 UTC

ALSO AS A COMPLETELY RANDOM RP NOTE, I HATE WHEN PEOPLE PLAY BI CHARACTERS JUST TO GET AROUND THEM BEING GAY BUT THEN HAVE THEM NEVER EVEN NOTICE ANYONE WITH GIRLY BITS!!! YES, BI BOYS CAN LIKE BOYS, BUT THEY TEND TO LIKE GIRLS, TOO, OTHERWISE THEY'RE CALLED GAY.

.../rant

huskyfriends December 6 2010, 04:10:21 UTC

I love that I have found wonderful people like you who understand. It took me until this year, when I was 30, to tell my Dad that I was bisexual. I did it over breakfast at a restaurant so he wouldn't make a scene. I doubted he did, but there was that tiny shard of fear. I asked him if he knew. He said he had ideas but didn't know anything for sure. Then he goes on to tell me, "well who knows, you're uncle was gay." This was the first I had ever heard of my Uncle Lowell being gay, but it makes so much sense (their Dad died when Lowell was 16, so he became the "father" and never married, and they lived in the south ( ... )

jooles34 December 6 2010, 21:54:36 UTC

With the exception of my parents none of my family know. We're not close enough for me to tell them and my parents are too ashamed too. But that's life. I'm dealing with it. It's good that you have someone.

And sometimes for an easy life it's just as well that people will find a way to explain things away for themselves. I'm all about the easy life.

It's good that you've come to terms with things yourself. Like I say, I've seen friends go through it and can only imagine how hard it is.

Oh, and if your cousins have questions, they might find this site useful.
http://www.scarleteen.com/