Stepping Into The Real World - part 4
Stepping into the real world.
Part 4: crotch competitions, booze and the time warp..
Pairing: Jack/Ianto, mentions of other pairings.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: set after cyberwoman but before they keep killing Suzie
Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood... believe me... if i did Jack and Ianto would walk around in nothing but tight pants (and a tie for Ianto) The BBC own it. so as much as i love it i don't own it :(
Summary: The team decide its time to join the real word, but Ianto doesn't seem to think a date night is the way to do it
A/N: Thaanks to Jen who, very kindly, lent me jacks magic potion idea :D
Part 1 - http://jo19844.livejournal.com/11224.html
Part 2 - http://jo19844.livejournal.com/12569.html
Part 3 - http://jo19844.livejournal.com/12901.html
Owen led Toshiko, Jack and Ianto into the bedroom bar and moved quickly through the bar towards the opposite end of the building. It was dark in the club and the loud thud of the music changed to a dull thumping as they reached the relaxation room.
“I like this!” Jack said, looking around the room. It was spacious, with low red lighting and black lace covering the walls. His eyes lit up when he saw the large leather sleigh beds with people draped over them talking and drinking. “Beds!”
“Yeah Jack,” Owen said, “why did you think they call it the bedroom?”
Jack grabbed Ianto by the hand and led him over to a bed in the corner and sat on it, bouncing up and down. “We are definitely coming back here!”
“Why does the smallest thing get you excited?” he asked and Owen whispered something to Toshiko who giggled. “What?”
“Well if small things get him excited then you're quids in,” Owen said and Ianto glared.
“I've had no complaints,” he said, reaching for his belt, “I'll show you, I'll whip it out right nownand and show you if that's what you want.”
“No, mate, that's fine I believe you. Just keep your dick in your pants where it belongs.”
“I think he should get it out,” Tosh said, “in fact you should all get them out and see who's biggest- I can judge.”
“No!” Owen said, “that's sick.”
“That's only because he would lose,” Jack told them, “with little mister 4-inch.” He waved around his pinkie finger
“It's much bigger than four inches!”
“Prove it,” Tosh challenged.
“Fine!” He took Toshiko's hand and placed it over the crotch of his jeans. Tosh moved her head from one side to the other as she weighed up the bulge in her hands. “Well?” he said confidently
“I've felt bigger,” she said, sitting down beside Ianto and putting her hand on his crotch, “like this one.” She turned to Jack, “you're getting a good deal.”
“That's not fair,” Jack moaned, “he's my date and you get to feel him up before I do.” Jack put his hands between Ianto's legs on top of Toshiko's and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Nice.”
A clicking noise startled them and they looked over to Owen who held his phone up and laughed. “That one's going in the Christmas card.” Ianto glared him and stood up, only to be pushed back down by Tosh and Jack. “I thought we needed some nice group pictures.”
“I think we need a drink,” Tosh commented, standing up and grabbing Owen's jacket, dragging him with her. “You're paying.”
Ianto and Jack watched them go and flopped back on the bed at the same time. “What's the most painful way to murder someone?” Jack asked.
“I'll do research.”
“Good.” Jack took a deep breath and turned to that his head rested on the pillow, he turned onto his side and patted the space beside him. Ianto shifted and lay on the other pillow, staring at the ceiling. “I knew I would get you into bed by the end of the night.”
Ianto chuckled and turned on his side to face him. “How long did it take you to think of that one?”
“About three minutes.”
“You're losing your touch.”
“I'll never lose my touch.”
“Or your modesty it would seem,” Ianto said, resting his head on his arm that he reached out in front of him to rest beside Jack's head. His fingers brushed Jack's hair a little and he pursed his lips in contemplation. He bit the inside of his cheek and opened his mouth to speak before closing it again; Jack smiled and then chuckled. “What?”
“You think too much,” Jack said, “I can never read you.”
“I'm sorry,” Ianto sighed, moving his hand from it's place on Jack's hair and placing it between them.
“No, I kind of like it.” Jack moved closed to him and his hand hand on his hip. “By this stage in a date I usually know where I'm going to end up, but with you I'm not so sure,” Jack said and Ianto refused to meet his eye line, “I have no idea whether I'm going home with you.”
Ianto looked up at him and licked his lip slowly before speaking, “do you want to come home with me?”
“Is that a question or an invitation?” he asked, “because those are two very different things.”
“Right now it's a question,” Ianto said, fixing his gaze on Jack as he spoke, waiting for his reply.
“Ianto.” Jack moved closer to him until their bodies were almost touching, “I've wanted to go home with you from the moment I first saw you.” Ianto tried to look away from him but something wouldn't let him and his eyes were fixed as Jack ran his fingers up his side. “Everything you do just makes me crazy.”
“It does?”
“Yeah. I mean when you're down in the garage with the SUV and I turn on the monitors and you're waxing it?” Jack moved closer to him until Ianto could feel his warm breath tickle his lips. “When you're leaning over with your jacket off and your hands running over it I want to be that car.”
Ianto moved his hand from between them and slid it underneath Jack's cheek as it rested in the pillow, running his thumb over his cheekbone. Jack edged closer.
“When I see you down there, I just want to go down there and bend you over the bonnet.”
“And do what?”
Jack smiled then raised his eyebrows suggestively and looked at Ianto who just stared at him, his eyes fixed as he shifted closer to him. “You do know that now I can't move until this goes away,” Ianto said, pressing his hips against Jack who opened his mouth in genuine surprise.
“It's moments like this that I wish we weren't in public,” Jack said, “because I have several ideas of things to do with that.”
Ianto said nothing, but pulled Jack closer to his lips with the hand that cupped his cheek. He kissed his lips softly, sucking Jack's bottom lip into his mouth and ran his free hand over his hip. Jack moaned into him and ran his hands over Ianto's arse, pulling him against him. The younger man shifted his weight, placing his knee between Jack's legs, rolling on top of him. The kiss was soft and Jack sucked Ianto's tongue into his mouth, which caused Ianto to moan. He Tangled one of his hands in Ianto's hair and let the other move underneath his jumper, touching the soft skin beneath it.
A click in the background followed by a small chorus of giggles forced them to break apart.
“For fucks sake Jack,” Owen laughed, putting his phone back in his pocket, “put the tea boy down, it's sick.”
“We should have left it a little longer,” Tosh said, “we could have had a live sex show you do have a record function on there.”
“You do know that the beds are just for decoration don't you? You're not actually meant to shag on them.”
Ianto rolled back onto his side and looked at Jack who gazed at his crotch and smirked. “You'll have to give us a minute,” he said.
“Oh,” Tosh laughed, taking a seat next to Ianto's back and leaning in to whisper in his ear, “that's just embarrassing. You can't hide that!”
“Yeah,” he groaned, closing his eyes.
“Just think about Owen naked, that'll get it to shrivel up,” she sugested.
Ianto chuckled and dropped his head to Jack's shoulder, who looked at him confused. “What?”
Ianto leaned over to a his ear and repeated it. Jack looked over at Owen fro a moment before laughing too, letting Toshiko and Ianto collapse onto of him in a fit of giggles.
“What?”
“Your cock!” Jack laughed, and the younger man rolled onto his back and put his arm around Tosh, holding her against his chest. Jack joined them, collapsing onto the other side of Ianto, pounding his chest as they laughed.
“Fuck off!”
“I'm sorry,” Tosh said in a fit of giggles, pushing herself up from Ianto's chest and crawling over to the edge of the bed. “we're sorry.” She reached up and grabbed Owen's jacket, pulling him down onto the bed.
“We're pissed,” Owen said, lying beside Tosh and resting his head on her chest when she climbed back up beside Ianto.
“A bit.”
“How is it that we all come out with dates and end up alone?” Owen asked.
“Ahem!” Jack motioned between himself and Ianto, “I still have my date.”
“Yes, we're still here. You two just drove your dates away,” Ianto said.
“I think that's because I kept trying to touch your bottom,” Tosh whispered.
“And my crotch,” he added, “don't forget my crotch.”
“Nobody has touched my crotch yet!” Jack complained, “someone touch my crotch!” Ianto took Toshiko's hand and put it on the crotch of Jack's jeans, covering it with his own. “I could go for this!”
Owen sighed heavily and rolled onto his back on the edge of the bed.
“I think Owen's in a sulk!” Jack said, leaning over Tosh and Ianto, he took Ianto's hand and placed it on Owen's jeans. “lets make him happy.”
"No! All man hands off my dick!” Ianto and Jack removed their hands from his jeans and Tosh moved away. “I said man hands,” Owen said, taking Toshiko's hand and putting it back where it was, “lady hands are allowed. ”
“I think now would be the perfect time for us to go for a dance,” Jack said, standing up and pulling Ianto with him.
“Is this really a good idea?” Ianto asked as Jack dragged him onto the dance floor, “I mean Tosh has had a skin full and Owen isn't far behind.”
“They'll be fine.”
“Do we have to dance?” he groaned.
“Yes! You can't come to a nightclub and not dance.”
“Can't I?”
“No.”
“But I look silly when I dance,” he complained.
“You look adorable when you dance.”
“I look stupid when I dance.”
“You look adorable when you dance,” Jack repeated, putting his hands on his chest as he pushed him slowly towards the dance floor, ignoring his protests.
Jack tried to suppress his laughter as he watched Ianto try to dance to the fourteenth consecutive song, he could tell he was tiring himself out and the six drinks he'd had in an hour were starting to rush to his head. He wasn't completely drunk but he was definitely getting there. Ianto moved towards him and put his hands on his shoulders, leaning into his ear to shout over the music.
“I told you I look silly when I dance.”
“You look adorable,” Jack replied, pulling him against him, “even though you look like you're dancing on hot coals ad you're rather drunk.”
“I'm tipsy!” he said defensively in a thick Welsh accent that made something inside Jack growl. Ianto lowered his hands to Jack's arse and nuzzled his nose into his neck, kissing it softly.
“I like you tipsy,” Jack said, “you're like a big welsh whore.”
“You think I'm a whore now,you just wait till I'm drunk.”
“Can I get you another drink?” Jack asked.
“You just want to get me drunk so that you can seduce me,”he accused.
“I could seduce you anyway.”
“Not if I seduced you first,” Ianto said, moving his lips to Jack's mouth and kissing him, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him closer.
“It doesn't take much to seduce me,” Jack mumbled, “I'm a floozie at the best of times.”
Ianto moved his kisses to Jack's jaw and planted a trail to his ear; he sucked his earlobe into his mouth and Jack moaned deeply, squeezing Ianto's arse and pressing himself into him. “You're an ear fetishist,” Ianto accused, doing it again just to hear the moan.
“Nope.” Jack inhaled deeply when he did it again. “You're just very good at that.”
“Do you want to take me home yet?” he whispered.
“Oh yeah,” Jack mumbled, “I'm taking you home right after the next song,” he said, “It's special.”
“You requested didn't you?” Ianto asked moving away and Jack smiled mischievously, “what did you do?”
“You'll have to wait and see.”
“It's YMCA isn't it?”
“No,” he laughed.
“The Macarenna?”
“Nope.”
“It's raining men,” Ianto accused, “you requested raining men didn't you?”
“You'll have to wait and see,” Jack chuckled, taking Ianto's hand and leading him off the dance floor, “but whatever I did request is something that we need to see Owen dance to.”
Ianto followed Jack over to the relaxation area and spit out his drink when he saw Owen and Tosh kissing on the bed, hands everywhere.
“Oh god,” Jack laughed, “maybe we shouldn't have left them alone when there's so little blood in their alcohol stream.”
“I think it's time for payback,” Ianto said, taking his phone out of his pocket and taking a picture, “that one's for the newsletter.”
“We don't have a newsletter.”
“We do now.”
Jack walked over to the bed and sat down on it, tapping Owen on the shoulder, who turned around and looked at him with half open eyes. “What?”
“You're going to regret that in the morning.”
“I'll think about that in the morning,” Owen slurred.
“Come with me.” Jack pulled Owen up by the hand and pushed him towards the dance floor, “Ianto, get her onto the dance floor.”
Ianto pulled Tosh to the edge of the bed and she looked at him, “I don't feel like dancing, i feel a little ill."
“Sorry Sushi, Captains orders.” Ianto pulled Toshiko up by her hands and then bent over, putting his shoulder into her waist before slinging her over his shoulder. “You must dance, drunk or not.”
“Why?”
“Because then he's taking me home,” he told her as she hung down his back touching his arse with her hands. “Stop touching my bottom.”
“But I have a good view!” she slurred. Toshiko slapped his arse.
“Ouch!”
Toshiko slapped his arse again and again until it became a rhythm. “I can play bongo's on your bottom.”
“It's not like you can play a tune.”
“Oh no?” she challenged. Toshiko tapped his arse again in time to a tune in her head, “Guess the tune.”
“No idea.”
“I'll give you a clue.” she said and started to sing to the beat. “I like big butts and I cannot lie, all you other brothers can't deny, when a guy walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face it gets you sprung, wanna pull out your--”
“Okay!” Ianto cut her off and slid her onto the dance floor. “Don't damage my goods.”
“But they're so pretty,” she said, holding onto his shirt and pulling him down, “dump Jack and come home with me so I can damage you properly.”
“Sorry, I think I much prefer Jack damaging my goods and I'm pretty sure Owen has his eyes on yours,” Ianto said looking over at Owen who was barely standing.
“We're all pretty much pissed aren't we?” Tosh asked.
“Oh yeah.”
Jack approached them and pulled them over the dance floor.
“Team activity,” he said, standing behind Ianto who leaned back against him. The whole dance floor let out a simultaneous groan as the requested song started to play and Jack started to speak the words into Ianto's ear eerily, and he groaned. “It's astounding, time is fleeting, madness takes it's toll.”
“The fucking time warp!” Owen moaned, burying his head into Toshiko's shoulder. “I hate this song!”
“I love this song!” Tosh replied, turning to Jack and Ianto, “I remember doing the time warp, drinking those moments when the blackness would hit me and the void would be calling, let's do the time warp again--”
“How ironic,” he groaned.
Owen felt himself be pulled into the dance by Ianto and Jack who stood close together, Ianto's back against Jack's chest.
“Come on Owen,” Ianto said, “Just a jump to your left, and a step to the ri-i-i-i-i-ght”
“With your hands on your hips!”
“Bring your knees in tight.” Ianto pushed Owen down and out his hands on his hips. “But it's the pelvic--”
“Hell no!” Owen jumped away as Ianto and Jack stood together and did the thrust. “You're not dong that with me teaboy!”
“Wouldn't even want to.”
Toshiko giggled through the entire dance as Owen played along and Jack and Ianto stayed glued together.
“Come on,” Owen said at the end of the song, grabbing her hand, “back to the bed. I need to reclaim my masculinity.” He swept her away and headed back over to the relaxation area determinedly.
“They're going to regret that,” Ianto said, reaching behind him and putting his hands on Jack's arse.
“No. Those two have been doing that for years!”
“Really?” Ianto spun around and almost fell over, steadying himself on Jack's shoulders.
“I think you're falling for me,” Jack chuckled, putting his hand around Ianto's waist and guiding him over to the bar. “You need to sober up.”
“I'm not drunk.”
“That's what drunk people that can't stand up without falling over say.”
“And that's what their sober boyfriends say, when they haven't had nearly enough.”
“Boyfriend?” Jack chuckled with a raised eyebrow. “Last time I checked I was just your date.”
“You've been promoted,” Ianto said, catching the bar as he fell onto it.
“One more drink and we're leaving.” Jack ordered Ianto a drink and slipped something into it before giving it to him. “Maybe this will sober you up a little.”