Fanfic: Only I Was Left Behind (4/7)
Title: Only I Was Left Behind
Author: Jasmine @ Hyuksu Bar
Pairing: Hyukjae/Junsu
Rating: PG
Genre: AU, Romance, Drama
Length: Multi-chaptered
Summary: In every part of their relationship existed the shadow of somebody else.
Let me tell you a story about Viola, where only I was left behind.
Only I was left behind.
Chapter 4/7
Junsu would never have guessed that initiating a breakup would be such an easy thing. Actually, thinking back, there was really nothing much worth getting sad over. From the beginning, hadn't he already known that he was merely a replacement for that other person?
He would often say, Junsu-yah, you have such an intoxicating smile, just like Byeol-ah.
Junsu-yah, your fragrance is so mild and comforting, yeah, it reminds me of Byeol-ah.
Junsu-yah, if you don't love me, like how Byeol-ah didn't, I'll be really heartbroken.
Byeol-ah, Byeol-ah, it was all about Byeol-ah. In every part of their relationship existed the shadow of somebody else.
Junsu could bear with it. He could wait, until the day Hyukjae truly fell in love with him. He could hold out for the kind of love that belonged only to him. But upon witnessing such a scene from that night, at last he felt like the bulk of his faith had dissipated into thin air. He could not understand, how six months of being such a big part of each others' lives and building upon their relationship still could not outweigh memories of an admiration that never even had a beginning.
Does what you have, really not compare to what you can't get?
---
Such a swift breakup came with its cons as well. It brought on some degree of regret and bitterness, but Junsu was determined to stick by his choice. He answered none of that person's calls, and even whined Jaejoong-hyung into giving him a room to hide in the shophouse above the cafe. He spent most of his days just buried under the covers sleeping his butt off, yet still coerced the compassionate Jaejoong-hyung to continue paying him wages. In the nights, the ground-shaking banging from outside the storefront would wake him. He knew, that Hyukjae had come to look for him again. At such times, he would just bury his head under more pillows, and brainwashed himself to believe that he could ignore the pleas coming from outside and how that person's voice would be laden over with regret and sometimes be accompanied by tears.
"Junsu-yah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"Sorry," He would say repeatedly. "Junsu, I'm really sorry."
But really, what was there to be sorry about? Neither of them had done any wrong. The only thing that had been wrong was their love. Hyukjae had loved him as if he was somebody else's substitute, while he had let himself get pulled in and fell uncontrollably in love with this man. And since it was destined that he would come to realize that he could not accept such a pitiful and charity-like love, it only made sense that he pulled out as early as he could.
So he'd once again pleaded with Jaejoong-hyung to pick up all his belongings, thus not giving Hyukjae even one last chance to explain himself. Hyukjae knew that this time, Junsu was really mad. Junsu understood as well, that this time he was cutting his own backdoor, and that it would not be the same as previous times they fought: There was no turning back, Junsu knew he had hurt Hyukjae's pride enough. As the days passed, that person had stopped coming to knock.
Junsu, too, could no longer afford to lose his pride.
He made up his mind.
Chapters: One Two Three Four Five Six Seven