Spock/Uhura, "A Mutual Feeling" Part 2 of 4
Fandom: Star Trek 2009
Title: A Mutual Feeling, Part 2 of 4
Characters/pairings: Uhura, Gaila, Spock, Kirk, Spock/Uhura
Rating: PG-13
Words: 4,149
Disclaimer: Star Trek sure ain't mine
Author's note: Much thanks to mrstater for her beta work on this. It's a far better story because of her.
Summary: The evolution of a harmless crush into one of the most important relationships of Uhura's life. A series of Uhura-centric scenes during her final 18 months at Starfleet Academy. Part I
Part II: Friend
The pounding rhythm of African drums emanating from Nyota's ear-buds set the pace of her feet striking the pavement. She loved rising early in the morning to take her daily run around campus. It was sparsely populated this time of day, and she liked to pretend that she was completely alone, in her own little bubble of peace and serenity.
As she followed the path around the Cochrane Engineering Building she caught sight of a familiar figure walking on an adjoining pathway. It was Commander Spock.
Nyota had successfully avoided any encounters with him over the past three months, and she slowed her pace, hoping he wouldn't see her. But it was already too late.
He raised his hand in salutation, and altered his course to intercept her.
She waved back, and slowed to a walk, reaching up to pull out the ear-buds and tuck them into the compartment on top of the music player clipped to her waist. Her stomach had done a nervous jump when she first saw him, but as she walked toward him she was surprised at how calm and collected she felt.
Though she'd thought about him a great deal for the first few weeks of the new term, her devotion to her work had soon driven him out of her mind. In fact, Nyota didn't believe she'd thought of him at all in more than a month. It felt good to be back in control of her emotions.
"Hello, Commander," she said with a smile as he drew close.
"Hello, Cadet Uhura. I am pleased to see you again. I trust your studies this term are going well?"
"Very well," she said. "It's been a good term for me, so far."
He nodded. "I am certain it has. Captain Nagano speaks very highly of you."
Her stomach took another jump, and she stiffened her spine, clasping her hands in front of her. "How is your term going, Commander?"
His expression altered just enough to convey the faintest hint of a frown. "My students are performing adequately. I was disappointed to discover that none of them show your promise."
She shook her head and smiled. "You flatter me, Commander."
He raised an eyebrow. "I do no such thing. Flattery is highly illogical. I only speak the facts. None of my students this term possess your unparalleled ability to identify sonic anomalies in subspace transmission tests, and few of them possess the ability to manipulate subspace frequency bands with your level of expertise."
Nyota repressed a laugh. His indefatigable pursuit of logic was just as charming as it always had been. "Very well. I'll do my best to avoid ascribing illogical motives to you in the future."
"That would be wise."
Nyota was almost certain she detected the barest trace of a smile on his face, just as she had several times during their conversations in his office. Her stomach did another quick flop.
His eyes briefly flitted over her running outfit. "Do you often go running in the morning?"
"Every day."
"I do, as well. I find running to be an invigorating way to start my day."
She raised her eyebrows. "Really? I'm surprised we haven't seen each other out here before today."
"I normally run on a treadmill in my quarters, so that I can review the latest scientific papers while I exercise."
Nyota shifted back and forth on her feet. They'd shared many long intellectual discussions in his office when she was his student, but this sort of casual banter was something new. She liked it. Somehow, she felt more at ease with him this way.
"Multitasking," she said, nodding her head. "That's very logical."
Spock cocked his head to one side, and narrowed his eyes. "Were you attempting sarcasm?"
She took a tiny step back. "Maybe. A little. I hope you weren't offended?"
"Not at all." There it was again--that small hint of a smile. "I am attempting to cultivate an appreciation of human forms of humor. It is a most perplexing subject."
"I can see how it would be."
They stood in silence for a moment. His gaze down at her was suddenly serious, as if he was appraising her for some sort of assignment. Nyota raised her chin and stood a little straighter.
"Cadet," he asked, "have you ever listened to Vulcan music?"
She shook her head. "I'm afraid I haven't."
He lowered his gaze to ground in front of her in an almost-nervous looking gesture. Nyota scrunched her forehead in confusion. He wasn't supposed to be the nervous one here.
"There is a concert of traditional Vulcan music being presented in the city Performing Arts Center this Saturday evening. It will feature many songs in some of the ancient Vulcan dialects. Given your interest in Vulcan linguistic history, you may find it fascinating." He continued to gaze at the ground near her feet.
"It sounds very interesting."
"Would you care to accompany me to the concert?" he asked.
"I…" Her head was spinning, and her stomach did a few more uncomfortable jumps. She'd just spent three months working to eradicate her crush, and it had only taken a few short minutes to resurrect it. She knew she shouldn't say yes, but how could she bring herself to say no? "Well…"
Though his head was still inclined downward, his eyes glanced up to look at her. He seemed nervous--eager. Nyota wondered if he would feel slighted--or even rejected--if she turned him down. No matter how bad an idea this might turn out to be, she couldn't bring herself to do that to him. "Yes. I would like that very much."
At last, he looked back up to meet her eyes, his features softening again into his barely-there smile. "Excellent. Our encounter this morning has been most fortunate."
Nyota nodded mutely, feeling as if she just been hit by a tidal wave and was still struggling to come up for air.
"I will send you a message containing more details on the concert later today, and we can make arrangements to meet at the venue. Would that be acceptable?"
"Yes. That would be… would be just fine."
He nodded sharply. "Very well. Now, I must go. I am expected at a breakfast meeting in four minutes."
Nyota took another step backward. "Oh, yes. I won't keep you."
And with another short nod, he was gone.
Nyota didn't know how long she stood on the path in front of the engineering building, staring at the ground and wondering what the hell just happened to her. It wasn't until a steady stream of cadets began jostling against her on their way to classes that she roused herself and started jogging back toward her dormitory.
She couldn't read too much into this. It wasn't a date. It couldn't be a date. Vulcans didn't date. Did they? And even if they did, Spock of all people would never break regulations to date a student. It simply wasn't possible.
As she rounded another bend she ran headlong into the very last person she wanted to see that morning--Jim Kirk.
"Hey!" he said as they collided. He gripped her shoulders to help her regain her balance.
"Sorry," she said. "You can let go now." She shrugged him off forcefully.
His usual cocky grin spread across his face. "I'm happy to see you, too, Uhura. How about I play hooky and we go catch some breakfast together?"
"I don't think so." She shook her head. Would he never learn when to give up?
"Oh come on. I'm not all that bad. You just need to give me a chance."
She sighed. "Maybe some other time."
He raised his hand and pointed at her. "I'm going to hold you to that, Yolanda."
"Yolanda?!"
"Damn, that's not it either? How about Nichole? Jasmine? Betty?"
She shook her head. "Give it up, Kirk. I'm not telling." She started to jog away, hearing his laughter echoing behind her.
She was almost grateful for the unexpected encounter. It had finally broken her out of her trance. Now, she just needed to get through the rest of the week.
***
"So, who's the big date?" asked Gaila as Nyota adjusted her hair for the third time that evening.
"It's not a date." Nyota straightened her suit-jacket, appraising her appearance in the mirror.
"True. You don't usually dress like that for dates."
Tonight, after a lengthy internal debate, Nyota had chosen a conservative and professional navy pant-suit. Whether it was really a date or not, wearing one of her little dresses for Spock seemed completely wrong.
"So what is it?" asked Gaila. "A job interview, or something?"
Nyota turned to face her roommate. "Gaila--I wish you would realize that my private life is just that--private."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Gaila shook her head and walked to the door. "I'm going bar-hopping with Tammy. Have fun at your not-a-date. Don't wait up."
"I won't." Nyota was glad to see Gaila go. She was nervous enough as it was, without her roommate interrogating her.
Instead of making use of the Academy's Transporter system, she chose to ride the magnetic train system. She wanted more time to steady her nerves before her arrival. Still, the trip to the Performing Arts Center didn't seem to take nearly enough time.
Spock was already there, waiting by the fountain in the courtyard just as they had arranged. From the look of his plain gray suit, her pantsuit had been the perfect choice. As she drew closer to him, she tried not to think about how good he looked in the soft evening light, and tried to ignore her impression that he actually looked happy to see her.
"I am pleased that you've arrived so early," he said after greeting her. "Your appreciation of the performance will be enhanced by an understanding of the instruments being used, and the musical heritage of my world." He led her toward the concert hall. "There is a display of Vulcan instruments in the lobby. If you will allow me, I can tell you more about them all as you view them."
"That sounds great." She managed to keep her voice steady and calm.
Unexpectedly, she enjoyed his descriptions of the various instruments on display. He had detailed knowledge on the history and usage of each of the instruments, and was able to speak at length on their tonal qualities. Nyota began to suspect that she had somehow been permitted to step beyond his professional exterior to see one of his hobbies.
"You really love music, don't you?" she said.
"I have a deep appreciation for the musical traditions of my people. There is little that gives me greater pleasure than listening to an expert performance of a technically superior composition."
Nyota grinned. "That's something we have in common. My mother is a professional singer. My whole home was filled with music while I was growing up. I sing a little, too, from time to time. Though I'm nowhere near as good as my mother. Do you perform music, as well appreciate it?"
He nodded, the corners of his mouth turned slightly upward in a more obvious smile than she had ever seen him wear before. "I do. I have studied the Vulcan Lute since I was a boy, and am an adept performer."
"Commander Spock," said Nyota with a grin, "I never would have guessed that you were musical."
"Nor I you. Such topics are unlikely to come up in an academic environment dominated by the sciences." He glanced at the large clock on the wall. "The performance begins in ten minutes. We should take our seats."
He turned to head toward their section of the theater. As Nyota began to follow him, a sudden thought rose in her mind. She'd been timid about asking him any personal questions during her entire term as his student, and it had brought her nothing but confusion and frustration. She couldn't make that same mistake again, or it would drive her crazy. If she was about to violate Academy regulations by dating a teacher, she needed to know it.
"Wait."
Spock halted, and turned to look back at her.
"Before we go in there," she said, "I have a question I need to ask."
"Certainly."
She took a deep breath. "I've never been invited to socialize by a senior officer before. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. I've had an ongoing internal debate for the past few days as to what your invitation actually means. Would you please clarify for me exactly what this--outing--is?"
An expression that might have been embarrassment flitted across Spock's face before it settled back into its normal stoic expression. "I apologize for leaving you with any confusion. I consider you to be a friend, and believed that you would enjoy this concert. Therefore, when I encountered you on campus it seemed logical to invite you to accompany me. Does that clarify the matter?"
Nyota's surge of disappointment was so strong that she felt almost sick, but she did her best to hide it behind a smile.
It was better this way. Already she could hardly believe that she'd been ready to risk all her ambitions on--what? A silly infatuation?
Now she finally knew where she stood with him. Friends. They were friends. She could live with that. "Yes, it does. And… I'm glad to know you think of me as a friend. I feel the same way."
He nodded. "Shall we enter now?"
"Yes. Let's."
***
For the third time that month, Nyota donned a conservative suit and prepared to go out for the night.
"What's up with you and all the suits, lately?" asked Gaila as she rifled through her closet. "Are you dating a gray old Admiral, or something?"
Nyota sighed. "What do I have to keep telling you about my private life?"
"That it's private," Gaila repeated in a mocking tone.
"Exactly."
Gaila pulled another shirt from her closet, examined it, and then tossed it onto the growing pile of rejects at her feet. Suddenly, she bounced up and pointed at Nyota.
"I know!" she said. "You're having a torrid affair with the Vulcan Ambassador!"
"Gaila!"
This was exactly why Nyota was keeping her friendship with Spock a secret. If Gaila found out about it, she would never let Nyota hear the end of it. And with Gaila and her loose lips, gossip might even leak out that Nyota and Spock were dating. Which they weren't. Not really. But it would be hard to convince Gaila otherwise. That's why Nyota had decided to keep this friendship to herself.
"All right! All right," said Gaila. "I'll butt out. Now go have fun with your stodgy old whoever."
"I plan on it," replied Nyota, walking out the door.
Tonight she and Spock were going to a lecture at the San Francisco Museum of Natural History. It was fun having someone intellectually stimulating to hang out with, for a change. Most of her other friends still spent their free time at bars and dance clubs. But Nyota was ready for a different kind of friendship.
And, most of the time, she was able to convince herself that friendship was all that it was.
***
"I assure you, Nyota, I appreciated the artistry of the performance. I merely found the plot far too improbable to satisfy my tastes."
Spock fell in step beside Nyota as they left the theater. She'd taken him to see Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night," and he was not impressed.
"Maybe Shakespeare is just not for you," she said with a smile.
"Perhaps not."
"Well, thanks for giving it a try."
"It was a worthy experiment."
Nyota laughed. "I'm glad to hear it."
For more than four months now they had accompanied one another on at least one outing a week, as well as occasional meetings for lunch at restaurants near campus. And at the start of the latest term, Nyota began working two mornings a week as his research assistant. Recently, she'd been seeing more of Spock than of any of her other friends--including Gaila.
Friendship with Spock had come far more easily than she expected--except for those odd moments where her old attraction would flare back up. She frequently had to remind herself that when she caught him watching her face instead of a lecturer, it was only because he was trying to discern her reaction to the material being presented. And when he ordered her favorite meal for her at a restaurant when she was running late so it would be ready when she arrived, it was only because he was a considerate friend.
And when the sight of his by now familiar almost-smiles made her heart race, she had to remind herself--forcefully--that he was still a teacher, she was still a student, and nothing was ever going to happen.
She was perfectly content with nothing more than his friendship. Or so she kept telling herself.
That night they rode the magnetic train back to campus together. The Academy train station was decorated with a large display of models of the Starships currently under construction. Almost unconsciously, Nyota found herself walking directly toward the large model of the Enterprise--the new flagship of the fleet.
"She's going to be magnificent, isn't she?"
Spock stopped just beside her, with only a few inches of air between them. He nodded. "When she is launched, the Enterprise will be the most expertly engineered and technologically advanced vessel in the fleet. It will indeed be a magnificent ship."
Nyota turned to face him, meeting his eyes. "When I finish my studies at the end of the year, I'm going to request an assignment aboard the Enterprise."
Spock graced her with one of his slight smiles. "A commendable goal. I would be pleased to serve with you aboard the Enterprise."
"Serve with me?" Her eyebrows shot up. "What do you mean?"
A subtle look of smug self-confidence appeared on his face. "Yesterday afternoon Captain Pike offered me the position of Chief Science Officer aboard the Enterprise. I accepted."
The sudden swell of nausea in her chest caught Nyota by surprise. It must have shown on her face.
"Has something distressed you?"
She shook her head, turning her face away from him. "No. Not at all. I'm just a little tired." She gripped the railing in front of the model display to steady herself. All she could think was that he would be leaving in less than two months. He would be leaving and she might never see him again. "That's…that's wonderful news. Congratulations."
"Thank you. I have also submitted my name for consideration for the post of First Officer."
"Captain Pike would be a fool if he didn't choose you."
"Nyota." Spock's tone was gently chiding.
She tightened her grip on the railing and rocked forward a little. "I know. That was a highly illogical statement. I apologize." She turned her face away from him as another surge of nausea struck her. Her thoughts were spinning out of control. She was going to lose him. He was going to disappear in the black of space, and even if she saw him again after graduating from the Academy, she knew things would never be the same between them again.
She'd been such a fool. How had she ever convinced herself that she only cared for him as a friend? For nearly five months now she'd been living a lie, and it had finally caught up with her.
She tensed in surprise as she felt his hand lightly rest on her shoulder. "My news has distressed you. Do not pretend otherwise, Nyota. Explain."
He had never touched her like this before. She sucked in a deep, heaving breath, and forced herself to meet his eyes. The gleam of concern in them was unmistakable.
"I'm sorry for overreacting," she said. "I'm glad for you. This is a great opportunity. I just…" She took another deep breath, trying to steady her voice. "I didn't expect you to leave the Academy so soon. The Enterprise is scheduled to leave in the middle of June. That's less than two months away."
He raised an eyebrow. "My imminent departure is what has distressed you?"
She closed her eyes. He was still touching her. She couldn't think while he was touching her. She opened her eyes again. "Yes. Your friendship has become--important to me. I was caught off guard by your announcement. It suddenly struck me how much I'll miss you."
He nodded again, and finally removed his hand from her shoulder. Instead, he placed his hand next to hers on the railing, so close that their pinky fingers just grazed each other. He looked back up at the model.
Nyota lowered her own gaze to stare at their hands. This wasn't making it any easier to clear her head. She pulled her hand away, clenching it into a fist at her side.
"I will miss your companionship, as well," he said, still looking up at the model. "However, I see no reason why we cannot continue our friendship via subspace messaging. And I have little doubt that your excellent performance at the Academy will secure you your choice of assignments. I am certain that sometime next year we will have the opportunity to serve together again."
"Yes. Of course this won't end our friendship. I'm just being silly. I apologize."
"Nyota." His voice was firm. Commanding.
She turned to meet his gaze again.
"Nyota," he repeated. "You must never feel an obligation to apologize to me for your emotional responses. I would never expect that of you. Do you understand?"
"Yes." His words gave her the strength to smile again. "I do."
In silence he continued to hold her gaze for several moments before speaking again. "Perhaps it would be best if you return to your dormitory and get some sleep. We can speak of this again at a later time."
"Yes. I think I do need some sleep."
As they turned to walk out of the station, his fingertips grazed lightly across the back of her hand. She wanted to grab his hand and hold it tight in her own, but held herself back. When it came to Spock, there were certain lines she simply couldn't cross.
***
Nyota lay listlessly on her bed, staring at the ceiling. For two weeks now, her heart had been in turmoil.
Spock was leaving, and it felt like he was taking a piece of her soul along with him. She was such an idiot to let herself fall in love with a man she could never have.
And love was exactly what it was. She couldn't deny it any longer. All her pretenses of friendship had been nothing more than childish rationalizations for letting herself fall deeper and deeper into a well she should have avoided in the first place.
The dorm-room door swished open, and Gaila strode in, laughing loudly into her communicator. "Okay. I'll see you tonight. Bye-bye."
Gaila closed her communicator and strode to the middle of the room, glaring down at Nyota.
"There you are," she said. "In case you haven't heard, Nyota, finals are over. You can loosen up now."
Nyota sighed. "If by loosen up you mean getting drunk with you, I think I'll pass."
Gaila sank down onto her bed. "What is wrong with you lately? I thought it was just finals, but if you're still moping around like someone died it's got to be something else. What is it? Did your stodgy old Admiral finally dump you?"
"Something like that." Nyota squeezed her eyes shut, wishing she could forget the last five months of her life.
"Damn. I'm sorry, Nyota. See, this is why you shouldn't keep things like this from me. I should have been there for you."
Gaila had her flaws, but her compassion was one of the reasons Nyota loved her anyway. She opened her eyes and smiled over at her friend. "It's okay. I'm getting through it."
"Are you sure?"
Nyota nodded. "I'm sure."
Gaila pouted. "And are you sure you don't want to come out with me tonight? I know I could find a way to cheer you up."
"No thanks. I don't think I could stomach the noise, tonight."
"Okay. But you really shouldn't stay cooped up here in the dorm like this. The term is over. Get out. Get away, even. You really need a break."
Nyota continued to ponder Gaila's words long after she left. Maybe her friend was right. Maybe she needed to get away. Away from the Academy, and away from Spock.
Maybe it was time to go home.
A/N: ETA Part III now available. Thanks so much for reading!
Title: A Mutual Feeling, Part 2 of 4
Characters/pairings: Uhura, Gaila, Spock, Kirk, Spock/Uhura
Rating: PG-13
Words: 4,149
Disclaimer: Star Trek sure ain't mine
Author's note: Much thanks to mrstater for her beta work on this. It's a far better story because of her.
Summary: The evolution of a harmless crush into one of the most important relationships of Uhura's life. A series of Uhura-centric scenes during her final 18 months at Starfleet Academy. Part I
Part II: Friend
The pounding rhythm of African drums emanating from Nyota's ear-buds set the pace of her feet striking the pavement. She loved rising early in the morning to take her daily run around campus. It was sparsely populated this time of day, and she liked to pretend that she was completely alone, in her own little bubble of peace and serenity.
As she followed the path around the Cochrane Engineering Building she caught sight of a familiar figure walking on an adjoining pathway. It was Commander Spock.
Nyota had successfully avoided any encounters with him over the past three months, and she slowed her pace, hoping he wouldn't see her. But it was already too late.
He raised his hand in salutation, and altered his course to intercept her.
She waved back, and slowed to a walk, reaching up to pull out the ear-buds and tuck them into the compartment on top of the music player clipped to her waist. Her stomach had done a nervous jump when she first saw him, but as she walked toward him she was surprised at how calm and collected she felt.
Though she'd thought about him a great deal for the first few weeks of the new term, her devotion to her work had soon driven him out of her mind. In fact, Nyota didn't believe she'd thought of him at all in more than a month. It felt good to be back in control of her emotions.
"Hello, Commander," she said with a smile as he drew close.
"Hello, Cadet Uhura. I am pleased to see you again. I trust your studies this term are going well?"
"Very well," she said. "It's been a good term for me, so far."
He nodded. "I am certain it has. Captain Nagano speaks very highly of you."
Her stomach took another jump, and she stiffened her spine, clasping her hands in front of her. "How is your term going, Commander?"
His expression altered just enough to convey the faintest hint of a frown. "My students are performing adequately. I was disappointed to discover that none of them show your promise."
She shook her head and smiled. "You flatter me, Commander."
He raised an eyebrow. "I do no such thing. Flattery is highly illogical. I only speak the facts. None of my students this term possess your unparalleled ability to identify sonic anomalies in subspace transmission tests, and few of them possess the ability to manipulate subspace frequency bands with your level of expertise."
Nyota repressed a laugh. His indefatigable pursuit of logic was just as charming as it always had been. "Very well. I'll do my best to avoid ascribing illogical motives to you in the future."
"That would be wise."
Nyota was almost certain she detected the barest trace of a smile on his face, just as she had several times during their conversations in his office. Her stomach did another quick flop.
His eyes briefly flitted over her running outfit. "Do you often go running in the morning?"
"Every day."
"I do, as well. I find running to be an invigorating way to start my day."
She raised her eyebrows. "Really? I'm surprised we haven't seen each other out here before today."
"I normally run on a treadmill in my quarters, so that I can review the latest scientific papers while I exercise."
Nyota shifted back and forth on her feet. They'd shared many long intellectual discussions in his office when she was his student, but this sort of casual banter was something new. She liked it. Somehow, she felt more at ease with him this way.
"Multitasking," she said, nodding her head. "That's very logical."
Spock cocked his head to one side, and narrowed his eyes. "Were you attempting sarcasm?"
She took a tiny step back. "Maybe. A little. I hope you weren't offended?"
"Not at all." There it was again--that small hint of a smile. "I am attempting to cultivate an appreciation of human forms of humor. It is a most perplexing subject."
"I can see how it would be."
They stood in silence for a moment. His gaze down at her was suddenly serious, as if he was appraising her for some sort of assignment. Nyota raised her chin and stood a little straighter.
"Cadet," he asked, "have you ever listened to Vulcan music?"
She shook her head. "I'm afraid I haven't."
He lowered his gaze to ground in front of her in an almost-nervous looking gesture. Nyota scrunched her forehead in confusion. He wasn't supposed to be the nervous one here.
"There is a concert of traditional Vulcan music being presented in the city Performing Arts Center this Saturday evening. It will feature many songs in some of the ancient Vulcan dialects. Given your interest in Vulcan linguistic history, you may find it fascinating." He continued to gaze at the ground near her feet.
"It sounds very interesting."
"Would you care to accompany me to the concert?" he asked.
"I…" Her head was spinning, and her stomach did a few more uncomfortable jumps. She'd just spent three months working to eradicate her crush, and it had only taken a few short minutes to resurrect it. She knew she shouldn't say yes, but how could she bring herself to say no? "Well…"
Though his head was still inclined downward, his eyes glanced up to look at her. He seemed nervous--eager. Nyota wondered if he would feel slighted--or even rejected--if she turned him down. No matter how bad an idea this might turn out to be, she couldn't bring herself to do that to him. "Yes. I would like that very much."
At last, he looked back up to meet her eyes, his features softening again into his barely-there smile. "Excellent. Our encounter this morning has been most fortunate."
Nyota nodded mutely, feeling as if she just been hit by a tidal wave and was still struggling to come up for air.
"I will send you a message containing more details on the concert later today, and we can make arrangements to meet at the venue. Would that be acceptable?"
"Yes. That would be… would be just fine."
He nodded sharply. "Very well. Now, I must go. I am expected at a breakfast meeting in four minutes."
Nyota took another step backward. "Oh, yes. I won't keep you."
And with another short nod, he was gone.
Nyota didn't know how long she stood on the path in front of the engineering building, staring at the ground and wondering what the hell just happened to her. It wasn't until a steady stream of cadets began jostling against her on their way to classes that she roused herself and started jogging back toward her dormitory.
She couldn't read too much into this. It wasn't a date. It couldn't be a date. Vulcans didn't date. Did they? And even if they did, Spock of all people would never break regulations to date a student. It simply wasn't possible.
As she rounded another bend she ran headlong into the very last person she wanted to see that morning--Jim Kirk.
"Hey!" he said as they collided. He gripped her shoulders to help her regain her balance.
"Sorry," she said. "You can let go now." She shrugged him off forcefully.
His usual cocky grin spread across his face. "I'm happy to see you, too, Uhura. How about I play hooky and we go catch some breakfast together?"
"I don't think so." She shook her head. Would he never learn when to give up?
"Oh come on. I'm not all that bad. You just need to give me a chance."
She sighed. "Maybe some other time."
He raised his hand and pointed at her. "I'm going to hold you to that, Yolanda."
"Yolanda?!"
"Damn, that's not it either? How about Nichole? Jasmine? Betty?"
She shook her head. "Give it up, Kirk. I'm not telling." She started to jog away, hearing his laughter echoing behind her.
She was almost grateful for the unexpected encounter. It had finally broken her out of her trance. Now, she just needed to get through the rest of the week.
***
"So, who's the big date?" asked Gaila as Nyota adjusted her hair for the third time that evening.
"It's not a date." Nyota straightened her suit-jacket, appraising her appearance in the mirror.
"True. You don't usually dress like that for dates."
Tonight, after a lengthy internal debate, Nyota had chosen a conservative and professional navy pant-suit. Whether it was really a date or not, wearing one of her little dresses for Spock seemed completely wrong.
"So what is it?" asked Gaila. "A job interview, or something?"
Nyota turned to face her roommate. "Gaila--I wish you would realize that my private life is just that--private."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Gaila shook her head and walked to the door. "I'm going bar-hopping with Tammy. Have fun at your not-a-date. Don't wait up."
"I won't." Nyota was glad to see Gaila go. She was nervous enough as it was, without her roommate interrogating her.
Instead of making use of the Academy's Transporter system, she chose to ride the magnetic train system. She wanted more time to steady her nerves before her arrival. Still, the trip to the Performing Arts Center didn't seem to take nearly enough time.
Spock was already there, waiting by the fountain in the courtyard just as they had arranged. From the look of his plain gray suit, her pantsuit had been the perfect choice. As she drew closer to him, she tried not to think about how good he looked in the soft evening light, and tried to ignore her impression that he actually looked happy to see her.
"I am pleased that you've arrived so early," he said after greeting her. "Your appreciation of the performance will be enhanced by an understanding of the instruments being used, and the musical heritage of my world." He led her toward the concert hall. "There is a display of Vulcan instruments in the lobby. If you will allow me, I can tell you more about them all as you view them."
"That sounds great." She managed to keep her voice steady and calm.
Unexpectedly, she enjoyed his descriptions of the various instruments on display. He had detailed knowledge on the history and usage of each of the instruments, and was able to speak at length on their tonal qualities. Nyota began to suspect that she had somehow been permitted to step beyond his professional exterior to see one of his hobbies.
"You really love music, don't you?" she said.
"I have a deep appreciation for the musical traditions of my people. There is little that gives me greater pleasure than listening to an expert performance of a technically superior composition."
Nyota grinned. "That's something we have in common. My mother is a professional singer. My whole home was filled with music while I was growing up. I sing a little, too, from time to time. Though I'm nowhere near as good as my mother. Do you perform music, as well appreciate it?"
He nodded, the corners of his mouth turned slightly upward in a more obvious smile than she had ever seen him wear before. "I do. I have studied the Vulcan Lute since I was a boy, and am an adept performer."
"Commander Spock," said Nyota with a grin, "I never would have guessed that you were musical."
"Nor I you. Such topics are unlikely to come up in an academic environment dominated by the sciences." He glanced at the large clock on the wall. "The performance begins in ten minutes. We should take our seats."
He turned to head toward their section of the theater. As Nyota began to follow him, a sudden thought rose in her mind. She'd been timid about asking him any personal questions during her entire term as his student, and it had brought her nothing but confusion and frustration. She couldn't make that same mistake again, or it would drive her crazy. If she was about to violate Academy regulations by dating a teacher, she needed to know it.
"Wait."
Spock halted, and turned to look back at her.
"Before we go in there," she said, "I have a question I need to ask."
"Certainly."
She took a deep breath. "I've never been invited to socialize by a senior officer before. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. I've had an ongoing internal debate for the past few days as to what your invitation actually means. Would you please clarify for me exactly what this--outing--is?"
An expression that might have been embarrassment flitted across Spock's face before it settled back into its normal stoic expression. "I apologize for leaving you with any confusion. I consider you to be a friend, and believed that you would enjoy this concert. Therefore, when I encountered you on campus it seemed logical to invite you to accompany me. Does that clarify the matter?"
Nyota's surge of disappointment was so strong that she felt almost sick, but she did her best to hide it behind a smile.
It was better this way. Already she could hardly believe that she'd been ready to risk all her ambitions on--what? A silly infatuation?
Now she finally knew where she stood with him. Friends. They were friends. She could live with that. "Yes, it does. And… I'm glad to know you think of me as a friend. I feel the same way."
He nodded. "Shall we enter now?"
"Yes. Let's."
***
For the third time that month, Nyota donned a conservative suit and prepared to go out for the night.
"What's up with you and all the suits, lately?" asked Gaila as she rifled through her closet. "Are you dating a gray old Admiral, or something?"
Nyota sighed. "What do I have to keep telling you about my private life?"
"That it's private," Gaila repeated in a mocking tone.
"Exactly."
Gaila pulled another shirt from her closet, examined it, and then tossed it onto the growing pile of rejects at her feet. Suddenly, she bounced up and pointed at Nyota.
"I know!" she said. "You're having a torrid affair with the Vulcan Ambassador!"
"Gaila!"
This was exactly why Nyota was keeping her friendship with Spock a secret. If Gaila found out about it, she would never let Nyota hear the end of it. And with Gaila and her loose lips, gossip might even leak out that Nyota and Spock were dating. Which they weren't. Not really. But it would be hard to convince Gaila otherwise. That's why Nyota had decided to keep this friendship to herself.
"All right! All right," said Gaila. "I'll butt out. Now go have fun with your stodgy old whoever."
"I plan on it," replied Nyota, walking out the door.
Tonight she and Spock were going to a lecture at the San Francisco Museum of Natural History. It was fun having someone intellectually stimulating to hang out with, for a change. Most of her other friends still spent their free time at bars and dance clubs. But Nyota was ready for a different kind of friendship.
And, most of the time, she was able to convince herself that friendship was all that it was.
***
"I assure you, Nyota, I appreciated the artistry of the performance. I merely found the plot far too improbable to satisfy my tastes."
Spock fell in step beside Nyota as they left the theater. She'd taken him to see Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night," and he was not impressed.
"Maybe Shakespeare is just not for you," she said with a smile.
"Perhaps not."
"Well, thanks for giving it a try."
"It was a worthy experiment."
Nyota laughed. "I'm glad to hear it."
For more than four months now they had accompanied one another on at least one outing a week, as well as occasional meetings for lunch at restaurants near campus. And at the start of the latest term, Nyota began working two mornings a week as his research assistant. Recently, she'd been seeing more of Spock than of any of her other friends--including Gaila.
Friendship with Spock had come far more easily than she expected--except for those odd moments where her old attraction would flare back up. She frequently had to remind herself that when she caught him watching her face instead of a lecturer, it was only because he was trying to discern her reaction to the material being presented. And when he ordered her favorite meal for her at a restaurant when she was running late so it would be ready when she arrived, it was only because he was a considerate friend.
And when the sight of his by now familiar almost-smiles made her heart race, she had to remind herself--forcefully--that he was still a teacher, she was still a student, and nothing was ever going to happen.
She was perfectly content with nothing more than his friendship. Or so she kept telling herself.
That night they rode the magnetic train back to campus together. The Academy train station was decorated with a large display of models of the Starships currently under construction. Almost unconsciously, Nyota found herself walking directly toward the large model of the Enterprise--the new flagship of the fleet.
"She's going to be magnificent, isn't she?"
Spock stopped just beside her, with only a few inches of air between them. He nodded. "When she is launched, the Enterprise will be the most expertly engineered and technologically advanced vessel in the fleet. It will indeed be a magnificent ship."
Nyota turned to face him, meeting his eyes. "When I finish my studies at the end of the year, I'm going to request an assignment aboard the Enterprise."
Spock graced her with one of his slight smiles. "A commendable goal. I would be pleased to serve with you aboard the Enterprise."
"Serve with me?" Her eyebrows shot up. "What do you mean?"
A subtle look of smug self-confidence appeared on his face. "Yesterday afternoon Captain Pike offered me the position of Chief Science Officer aboard the Enterprise. I accepted."
The sudden swell of nausea in her chest caught Nyota by surprise. It must have shown on her face.
"Has something distressed you?"
She shook her head, turning her face away from him. "No. Not at all. I'm just a little tired." She gripped the railing in front of the model display to steady herself. All she could think was that he would be leaving in less than two months. He would be leaving and she might never see him again. "That's…that's wonderful news. Congratulations."
"Thank you. I have also submitted my name for consideration for the post of First Officer."
"Captain Pike would be a fool if he didn't choose you."
"Nyota." Spock's tone was gently chiding.
She tightened her grip on the railing and rocked forward a little. "I know. That was a highly illogical statement. I apologize." She turned her face away from him as another surge of nausea struck her. Her thoughts were spinning out of control. She was going to lose him. He was going to disappear in the black of space, and even if she saw him again after graduating from the Academy, she knew things would never be the same between them again.
She'd been such a fool. How had she ever convinced herself that she only cared for him as a friend? For nearly five months now she'd been living a lie, and it had finally caught up with her.
She tensed in surprise as she felt his hand lightly rest on her shoulder. "My news has distressed you. Do not pretend otherwise, Nyota. Explain."
He had never touched her like this before. She sucked in a deep, heaving breath, and forced herself to meet his eyes. The gleam of concern in them was unmistakable.
"I'm sorry for overreacting," she said. "I'm glad for you. This is a great opportunity. I just…" She took another deep breath, trying to steady her voice. "I didn't expect you to leave the Academy so soon. The Enterprise is scheduled to leave in the middle of June. That's less than two months away."
He raised an eyebrow. "My imminent departure is what has distressed you?"
She closed her eyes. He was still touching her. She couldn't think while he was touching her. She opened her eyes again. "Yes. Your friendship has become--important to me. I was caught off guard by your announcement. It suddenly struck me how much I'll miss you."
He nodded again, and finally removed his hand from her shoulder. Instead, he placed his hand next to hers on the railing, so close that their pinky fingers just grazed each other. He looked back up at the model.
Nyota lowered her own gaze to stare at their hands. This wasn't making it any easier to clear her head. She pulled her hand away, clenching it into a fist at her side.
"I will miss your companionship, as well," he said, still looking up at the model. "However, I see no reason why we cannot continue our friendship via subspace messaging. And I have little doubt that your excellent performance at the Academy will secure you your choice of assignments. I am certain that sometime next year we will have the opportunity to serve together again."
"Yes. Of course this won't end our friendship. I'm just being silly. I apologize."
"Nyota." His voice was firm. Commanding.
She turned to meet his gaze again.
"Nyota," he repeated. "You must never feel an obligation to apologize to me for your emotional responses. I would never expect that of you. Do you understand?"
"Yes." His words gave her the strength to smile again. "I do."
In silence he continued to hold her gaze for several moments before speaking again. "Perhaps it would be best if you return to your dormitory and get some sleep. We can speak of this again at a later time."
"Yes. I think I do need some sleep."
As they turned to walk out of the station, his fingertips grazed lightly across the back of her hand. She wanted to grab his hand and hold it tight in her own, but held herself back. When it came to Spock, there were certain lines she simply couldn't cross.
***
Nyota lay listlessly on her bed, staring at the ceiling. For two weeks now, her heart had been in turmoil.
Spock was leaving, and it felt like he was taking a piece of her soul along with him. She was such an idiot to let herself fall in love with a man she could never have.
And love was exactly what it was. She couldn't deny it any longer. All her pretenses of friendship had been nothing more than childish rationalizations for letting herself fall deeper and deeper into a well she should have avoided in the first place.
The dorm-room door swished open, and Gaila strode in, laughing loudly into her communicator. "Okay. I'll see you tonight. Bye-bye."
Gaila closed her communicator and strode to the middle of the room, glaring down at Nyota.
"There you are," she said. "In case you haven't heard, Nyota, finals are over. You can loosen up now."
Nyota sighed. "If by loosen up you mean getting drunk with you, I think I'll pass."
Gaila sank down onto her bed. "What is wrong with you lately? I thought it was just finals, but if you're still moping around like someone died it's got to be something else. What is it? Did your stodgy old Admiral finally dump you?"
"Something like that." Nyota squeezed her eyes shut, wishing she could forget the last five months of her life.
"Damn. I'm sorry, Nyota. See, this is why you shouldn't keep things like this from me. I should have been there for you."
Gaila had her flaws, but her compassion was one of the reasons Nyota loved her anyway. She opened her eyes and smiled over at her friend. "It's okay. I'm getting through it."
"Are you sure?"
Nyota nodded. "I'm sure."
Gaila pouted. "And are you sure you don't want to come out with me tonight? I know I could find a way to cheer you up."
"No thanks. I don't think I could stomach the noise, tonight."
"Okay. But you really shouldn't stay cooped up here in the dorm like this. The term is over. Get out. Get away, even. You really need a break."
Nyota continued to ponder Gaila's words long after she left. Maybe her friend was right. Maybe she needed to get away. Away from the Academy, and away from Spock.
Maybe it was time to go home.
A/N: ETA Part III now available. Thanks so much for reading!