FIC: Different for Girls 6 of 7 (Kat/Elliott)
Author: Clio
Title: Different for Girls Chapter 6 of 7: How Long Has This Been Going On
Pairing: American Idol: Katharine McPhee/Elliott Yamin
Summary: Kat's recent heartbreak has left her a changed woman-and now her old friend Elliott is seeing her in a different light.
Chapter Rating: PG-13
Chapter Length: 3300 words
Disclaimer: People sort of own themselves, don't they? Which means this is a work of fiction.
Notes: Thank you, thank you, thank you lillijulianne. While this story is a sequel of sorts to her sequence of stories about Blake, Chris and Kat, there's probably enough information here to read this on its own. All you need know is that Kat had been engaged to another man at the time she was fooling around with Blake and Chris.
1: But Not For Me | 2: I've Got a Crush on You | 3: Nice Work If You Can Get It | 4: You've Got What Gets Me | 5: They Can't Take That Away From Me
Chapter Six: How Long Has This Been Going On
Kat and Elliott were booked on back-to-back Idol results shows, four and three. Elliott remarked that he must have some kind of final three magic, since this would be the third year in a row that he'd sung on the penultimate results show. Kat said aloud that she wasn't sure that first year counted, but inside she wondered if they both had some kind of bizarre three-based thing in their genes.
They were each headed out on promotional tours shortly after the Idol finale, and Kat's record was getting a pre-release at Starbucks so she'd already done some publicity around California. Once Simon had heard the final record, he'd smelled money, which pacified him, and the machine started up again, only with a slightly different target. VH1, not MTV. Public radio, not the Kiss stations, though Ryan wanted her, partly because he was a doll, and partly to get gossip about her and Elliott. The boy, of course, was wandering off to the soul circuit, BET and WBLS in NY and that sort of thing. They'd laid out their schedules and found a few places where they overlapped, and Kat knew herself well enough to know that she'd be living for those days over the next couple of months.
It was odd to think of the very different place she was now, than she had been the previous spring. She'd never actually fallen in love with someone at the same time they were falling in love with her. Either they didn't, or she didn't, or they did and pursued her until she thought she felt the same, only once she really did with someone else she realized she hadn't with that first person.
So on Wednesday, as they were driving to Burbank for her appearance, Kat said, "Do you think we're going too fast?"
Elliott turned to her. "I don't think this is the time or the place to talk about that."
"Which means yes," she replied. Seeing traffic ahead, she turned to try to detour around it.
"Why-why do you do this?" Elliott asked.
"Do what?"
"Poke things."
"Okay, what does that even mean?"
"Things are good, you poke at them. You can't mean that compliment, so I'll poke until you say something critical. Poke-poke-poke."
"I don't-"
"Don't argue. You did it every week during Idol."
Kat drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. "So you don't think we're going too fast?"
"God!" Elliott shifted in his seat, so his back was against the door, and took her right hand in his. "I think that we have only a few months of being in the same place at the same time , so no, we aren't going too fast. And if we're going to do this, we're going to be apart kind of a lot, so we might as well get used to it. And if we can't get through a month of promotion, how are we going to get through a year of touring? And you need to find some other way to ask me for reassurance when you're nervous about something, because picking a fight isn't it."
"Okay."
"So are you nervous about tonight? Which song did you end up with?"
Nigel had wanted Kat to sing Chris's song, with the double Idol tie-in and all, but Kat wanted to sing the new single, not only because it was a better promotion for the CD, but also because she didn't want to sing that song in public quite yet, much less on the number one television show in America. And since Simon agreed, she got her way. "The single."
"Good. You'll be fine. You've already done three appearances with that song."
"True," she said, squeezing his hand, and felt him squeeze back.
Dress went well, and she came back to her dressing room to find Chris and Blake sitting with Elliott. "Hey," she said, "I didn't know you would be here."
"Of course," Blake said, jumping up to give her a peck on the cheek, as though he were just another fag and she were just another hag. "And we'll be here next week for Elliott, too."
"Thanks," Elliott said.
It was fun, having them there, out in the audience for her, and it wasn't even so bad since Simon was firmly on her side, so she wore her pretty dress and got compliments from Ryan and people applauded and the song was really starting to feel like it was hers, and she felt ready to make the usual rounds and sell the hell out of this record, which without much radio to get behind her she'd really need to do. They skipped the party after in favor of dinner at a diner, where they slid into the booth with Kat opposite Chris and Elliott opposite Blake, and Chris and Kat conspired to leave Blake and Elliott to their own conversation, under the theory that it was good for them, little control freaks that they tended to be. Which mostly worked, at least that night.
A week later it was her turn to sit in the dressing room and then the audience with Chris and Blake, and get teased by Ryan for being there, and applaud for Elliott who was fantastic as usual and sexy as hell in clothes they'd bought when shopping with Chris. But dinner after was a little different, maybe because Elliott was hyper from performing rather than calm on her behalf, or maybe because Blake had decided he needed more of her attention or more attention generally. This wasn't unlike him, to be honest, but usually there was more of an antecedent, or at least some warning. Still, she was able to parry him fairly well, and she would bet there was some kicking under the table from Chris, but while Elliott didn't do or say much, she was very sure it hadn't gone unnoticed.
That Monday Kat and Elliott had a rare day off and spent it at Kat's, mostly in bed, so when they arrived at the viewing party for the final Idol performances on Tuesday Kat was feeling blissed out and loved and very sexy. As Kat wanted to fuck Elliott as often as possible before they had to separate, they'd done it again that afternoon before showering (well, to be honest, also while showering) and running out to Hollywood.
They walked into the room full of alums-Daughtry was there, taking credit for the whole thing as he'd been the one urging Elliott to call her, and she knew he probably wouldn't have bothered with the party if not for the two of them; Taylor was all performative joviality, though later he asked Kat how she'd got Simon to be enthusiastic about her unconventional record; Kellie was her usual adorable self. And there, with Ace and someone from season 6-Brian? Brendan?-were Blake and Chris.
The AI6'ers were in a huddle on one end of the room and Kat took her time making her way over to them, preferring to visit with the folks from her season and earlier. She realized, as soon as she saw Blake, that he'd know that she'd had an orgasm within the last hour or so, and if he was in the mood he'd been in the week before, that could lead to some trouble, and Kat kicked herself for not having thought of that. That said, it was probably best that she didn't arrange her life around Blake's possible reactions; she adored him, but he was a grown-up.
Once the show started they ended up sitting a ways away from Chris and Blake, which was fine because she knew they'd end up together at the end of the night, and she liked Blake better in smaller groups than at large parties anyway. All these performers in one room did tend to give her a headache. Instead, the folks from various seasons seemed to sort themselves out, variously, and Elliott and Kat ended up back near the Daughtrys and Taylor and his new girl and Ace and Kellie. They cheered both singers though like nearly every year it was clear whom the Idol gods had smiled upon, and when the future runner-up sang the coronation song Kat caught Blake's eye; if nothing else, they would always share that.
After it was over they awaited the arrival of that year's talent. Elliott had wandered off to get more drinks and Kat was talking to Gina and Haley when she felt a familiar pair of hands cupping her breasts from behind. "You look good enough to eat," he whispered into her ear, his breath hot and wet.
"Blake!" Haley shouted. "Time and place!"
"Come on, Hale," Blake said, moving to stand between Gina and Kat. "Kat and I are good friends, aren't we?"
"Of course," Kat said, putting her arm around him and kissing him on the temple. "Of course we are."
Elliott came then and handed her a glass, then gave her a kiss on the cheek and a rub at the back of her neck, and she wondered how much of Blake's little display he'd seen. There was a commotion at the door and they all turned to see the new class of Idol'ers coming in. The little conversation groups that had formed dispersed, and Blake wandered off to do his last-year's-number-two duties, but Kat hung back, Elliott with her.
"Do you want to leave soon?" he asked.
"Chris Richardson said they wanted to go someplace after," Kat replied, "with a smaller group."
"All right," Elliott said, taking a drink.
"Is that all right?"
He smiled. "Definitely."
They went to a little divey sort of bar in West Hollywood, the kind of place where people leave you alone because they're too cool to acknowledge your existence, where there was still a back room area they filled up, Kat and Elliott and the Daughtrys and Chris and Blake, and Ace and Kellie, and Brandon, and Phil and Chris Sligh and Melinda who Kat hadn't seen in a dog's age, and Gina and Haley, too, and they were pretty rowdy, all things considered, and kind of took over the jukebox, but they also bought a round for everyone in the bar and gave big tips because nearly all of them had worked behind the bar or waiting tables at least once.
After a couple of hours people started to peel off, and somehow Kat and Elliott ended up back at Chris and Blake's place with Gina and Haley and a few other people, smoking a couple joints. It occurred to Kat that she'd never seen Elliott high, but he took papers and the bag from Chris and rolled one of the joints like a pro. At her questioning glance he shrugged and said, "Misspent youth. Didn't want to drink much."
It was all comfortable and woozy, and she was sitting in Elliott's lap on the couch, vaguely stroking his chest, her back against the arm, and then Blake sat on the other end, entangling his feet in hers. Elliott looked over, saw Blake's hand in Gina's hair as she sat on the floor with her back against the cushion, said nothing, but Kat could feel him shifting, putting his arm more firmly around her, and fought a wave of annoyance at his need to stake his claim before Blake because, really. Chris came out from the kitchen, put a bowl of baked cheese and sour cream ruffles in Kat's lap. Kat picked up a chip, offered it to Elliott, but his head was turned away from her, staring at Blake.
"Munchie?" she asked. "When did you eat last?"
"I'm all right," he said, but he pulled the chip into his mouth with his tongue.
A little after that Gina pulled her up to dance around to Kylie Minogue, with Haley too, and the boys were sitting on the couch watching, which seemed unlike Blake, and Haley yanked on him until he got up and pulled Chris along with him-boy your lovin' is all I think about. Kat turned, seeing Elliott sitting on the couch, and maybe it was the pot, and maybe it was how he was looking at her, or knowing that he felt awkward dancing in front of other people sometimes, but she started dancing just for him: there's a dark secret in me. After a bit he raised his hands, taking hers, and then he was on his feet, and they were dancing close and sexy, which she'd never done with him before, even alone. la la la, la-la la-la-la
The song ended, and Kat looked up to see the others watching them. Elliott cleared his throat and let her go, and she could see he was blushing so she kissed him, and Gina and Haley said, "Awwww!" and Elliott went even redder. Chris was laughing, but Blake was just staring, his head cocked. Then he walked right up to her and she was scared for a minute, given what had gone on earlier, but he just hugged her, so tight, his head tucked into her neck, and he whispered, "I'm glad." And when he let her go, she smiled and kissed him on the forehead.
"Call for a cab?" Elliott asked.
Kat nodded, and hugged Blake again, but she could feel Elliott's hand still at the small of her back.
By the time they got back to Elliott's place they were pretty sober but also kind of wired, so they went out on his porch and sat on the floor, their backs against the outside wall, drinking water and looking up at the wind stirring the trees. And then finally, finally he said, "So it was Blake."
"Yeah."
"And Chris too."
"Yeah."
"The tattoo. I should have known." He ran a hand through his hair.
She sat, not moving, just waiting him out.
"Oh god," he said, realizing. "The song." He sprang to his feet and went into the living room.
Kat followed and saw the promo copy of her cd in his hands. He put it in the tray, cued the song, opened the lyric sheet, and just stood there in front of the stereo, listening. She leaned against the doorframe, her hands gripping the wall behind her, and tried not to hold her breath. "Angel" was one of the last songs she started, because Chris had been out on the road until March. She remembered two days before they went into the studio when Chris asked, shyly, if she even still wanted to sing the song, given all that had happened, and she said he'd have to pry it out of her cold, dead hands. Or that day he first played the song for her, and how disconcerting it was that Blake took the entire thing in stride, not even a blink of self-consciousness as he worked out a vocal arrangement. Or the day that Elliott came into the studio and all she could think was that she wasn't the girl in the song anymore, because of her, but also because of him. But she had never thought about how the words must sound to him. She wondered which of these girls he heard in her voice-the one still in love with Blake, or the one licking her wounds, or the girl she was now, the girl who'd recorded the song.
When it was over, Elliott didn't move, didn't turn, just asked, "When did he write this?"
"In the late summer. Before it was over."
"So Chris knew, I mean, how you felt."
"He knew, I knew, we all knew everything. Well, except Blake. I don't think he wanted to know for a while."
"How long? How long did you …" and he stopped, as though he couldn't say it.
"I don't know. Four months straight, I guess, and then off and on once they were on tour, and then when they got back, it was over."
Elliott turned to her then. "Did you break it off, or did he, to be with Chris?"
She took a breath. "I did, because he was in love with Chris. Is."
"But if he had been in love with you-"
"He's not."
"But if he was-"
"But he's not." She turned to look at him. "He wasn't-it wasn't good for me, so I ended it."
"So the drama, the excitement-
"You're plenty exciting, Elliott. Don't worry about that."
"Oh?" he said, putting the cd down. and walking toward her. "Because I don't see anyone writing wistful songs about how I'm not in love with them." He walked back out onto the porch.
"Elliott."
"I'm sorry. It's just-" He stood, paced a little, then sat on the porch railing, facing her. "You and I, we're always going to be working singers. We're good enough and what we want to sing people like and we'll probably work our whole lives, or as long as we want to, and we're lucky. And Chris-give that kid time and he'll be Timbaland. Seriously. But Blake? Blake's a star and he's just getting started and-"
"And he's more than a little self-involved, and he's got the attention span of a toddler, and he's pretty free with his affections, and he can be careless sometimes, without meaning to be," she finished, sitting down at Elliott's feet. "And I adore him-I'm mad about him, and I always will be-but I can't put my heart there. Like tonight? It's not that you never left my side, because of course you did, but that you were there with me." She tapped against the floor for a moment, thinking. "You know, I think the reason that people like the sad love songs more than the happy ones is that more people can relate to them. I know I couldn't really put myself in them, but now … "
Elliott's face softened. "You're not just … do you mean that? Because two weeks ago you thought we were going too fast."
"I was scared, and I was-I've never done this before, Elliott. I've never had someone say the things you say to me and been able to believe that they mean them."
He pushed off the railing and squatted down in front of her, taking her hands in his. "That's not just me. That's you."
"Yeah," she said. "So let Blake be Frank, and we can be … "
"Dean and Sammy?"
"I think Chris is Dean."
"Kinky."
"Kinkier than me being Sammy?"
"No, you were Dean, I was Sammy."
"Of course. Steve and Eydie?"
"Kinda second string, Kat."
She shrugged. "We'll make 'em first string."
Elliott crawled over to sit behind Kat, pulling her back into his arms, his legs outstretched on either side of her.
"You said you didn't care what I did before I kissed you," she whispered.
He kissed her ear. "I don't. It just sucks to be the only guy at the table who doesn't know what's going on, you know?"
"Yeah," she said, running her right hand along his arm.
"I'm gonna miss you."
"Me too."
"Maybe we should have a variety show. We can be the new Sonny and Cher."
"Captain and Tennille."
"I do like hats. Donny and Marie?"
"Now that is kinky."
He chuckled. "Not Nick and Jessica."
"No! I can't even pretend to be that blonde."
"But you're gorgeous enough."
She reached her left hand up to cup his face, and turned her head. "So are you, sweetie. So are you."
Chapter 7: Aren't You Kind of Glad We Did?
Title: Different for Girls Chapter 6 of 7: How Long Has This Been Going On
Pairing: American Idol: Katharine McPhee/Elliott Yamin
Summary: Kat's recent heartbreak has left her a changed woman-and now her old friend Elliott is seeing her in a different light.
Chapter Rating: PG-13
Chapter Length: 3300 words
Disclaimer: People sort of own themselves, don't they? Which means this is a work of fiction.
Notes: Thank you, thank you, thank you lillijulianne. While this story is a sequel of sorts to her sequence of stories about Blake, Chris and Kat, there's probably enough information here to read this on its own. All you need know is that Kat had been engaged to another man at the time she was fooling around with Blake and Chris.
1: But Not For Me | 2: I've Got a Crush on You | 3: Nice Work If You Can Get It | 4: You've Got What Gets Me | 5: They Can't Take That Away From Me
Chapter Six: How Long Has This Been Going On
Kat and Elliott were booked on back-to-back Idol results shows, four and three. Elliott remarked that he must have some kind of final three magic, since this would be the third year in a row that he'd sung on the penultimate results show. Kat said aloud that she wasn't sure that first year counted, but inside she wondered if they both had some kind of bizarre three-based thing in their genes.
They were each headed out on promotional tours shortly after the Idol finale, and Kat's record was getting a pre-release at Starbucks so she'd already done some publicity around California. Once Simon had heard the final record, he'd smelled money, which pacified him, and the machine started up again, only with a slightly different target. VH1, not MTV. Public radio, not the Kiss stations, though Ryan wanted her, partly because he was a doll, and partly to get gossip about her and Elliott. The boy, of course, was wandering off to the soul circuit, BET and WBLS in NY and that sort of thing. They'd laid out their schedules and found a few places where they overlapped, and Kat knew herself well enough to know that she'd be living for those days over the next couple of months.
It was odd to think of the very different place she was now, than she had been the previous spring. She'd never actually fallen in love with someone at the same time they were falling in love with her. Either they didn't, or she didn't, or they did and pursued her until she thought she felt the same, only once she really did with someone else she realized she hadn't with that first person.
So on Wednesday, as they were driving to Burbank for her appearance, Kat said, "Do you think we're going too fast?"
Elliott turned to her. "I don't think this is the time or the place to talk about that."
"Which means yes," she replied. Seeing traffic ahead, she turned to try to detour around it.
"Why-why do you do this?" Elliott asked.
"Do what?"
"Poke things."
"Okay, what does that even mean?"
"Things are good, you poke at them. You can't mean that compliment, so I'll poke until you say something critical. Poke-poke-poke."
"I don't-"
"Don't argue. You did it every week during Idol."
Kat drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. "So you don't think we're going too fast?"
"God!" Elliott shifted in his seat, so his back was against the door, and took her right hand in his. "I think that we have only a few months of being in the same place at the same time , so no, we aren't going too fast. And if we're going to do this, we're going to be apart kind of a lot, so we might as well get used to it. And if we can't get through a month of promotion, how are we going to get through a year of touring? And you need to find some other way to ask me for reassurance when you're nervous about something, because picking a fight isn't it."
"Okay."
"So are you nervous about tonight? Which song did you end up with?"
Nigel had wanted Kat to sing Chris's song, with the double Idol tie-in and all, but Kat wanted to sing the new single, not only because it was a better promotion for the CD, but also because she didn't want to sing that song in public quite yet, much less on the number one television show in America. And since Simon agreed, she got her way. "The single."
"Good. You'll be fine. You've already done three appearances with that song."
"True," she said, squeezing his hand, and felt him squeeze back.
Dress went well, and she came back to her dressing room to find Chris and Blake sitting with Elliott. "Hey," she said, "I didn't know you would be here."
"Of course," Blake said, jumping up to give her a peck on the cheek, as though he were just another fag and she were just another hag. "And we'll be here next week for Elliott, too."
"Thanks," Elliott said.
It was fun, having them there, out in the audience for her, and it wasn't even so bad since Simon was firmly on her side, so she wore her pretty dress and got compliments from Ryan and people applauded and the song was really starting to feel like it was hers, and she felt ready to make the usual rounds and sell the hell out of this record, which without much radio to get behind her she'd really need to do. They skipped the party after in favor of dinner at a diner, where they slid into the booth with Kat opposite Chris and Elliott opposite Blake, and Chris and Kat conspired to leave Blake and Elliott to their own conversation, under the theory that it was good for them, little control freaks that they tended to be. Which mostly worked, at least that night.
A week later it was her turn to sit in the dressing room and then the audience with Chris and Blake, and get teased by Ryan for being there, and applaud for Elliott who was fantastic as usual and sexy as hell in clothes they'd bought when shopping with Chris. But dinner after was a little different, maybe because Elliott was hyper from performing rather than calm on her behalf, or maybe because Blake had decided he needed more of her attention or more attention generally. This wasn't unlike him, to be honest, but usually there was more of an antecedent, or at least some warning. Still, she was able to parry him fairly well, and she would bet there was some kicking under the table from Chris, but while Elliott didn't do or say much, she was very sure it hadn't gone unnoticed.
That Monday Kat and Elliott had a rare day off and spent it at Kat's, mostly in bed, so when they arrived at the viewing party for the final Idol performances on Tuesday Kat was feeling blissed out and loved and very sexy. As Kat wanted to fuck Elliott as often as possible before they had to separate, they'd done it again that afternoon before showering (well, to be honest, also while showering) and running out to Hollywood.
They walked into the room full of alums-Daughtry was there, taking credit for the whole thing as he'd been the one urging Elliott to call her, and she knew he probably wouldn't have bothered with the party if not for the two of them; Taylor was all performative joviality, though later he asked Kat how she'd got Simon to be enthusiastic about her unconventional record; Kellie was her usual adorable self. And there, with Ace and someone from season 6-Brian? Brendan?-were Blake and Chris.
The AI6'ers were in a huddle on one end of the room and Kat took her time making her way over to them, preferring to visit with the folks from her season and earlier. She realized, as soon as she saw Blake, that he'd know that she'd had an orgasm within the last hour or so, and if he was in the mood he'd been in the week before, that could lead to some trouble, and Kat kicked herself for not having thought of that. That said, it was probably best that she didn't arrange her life around Blake's possible reactions; she adored him, but he was a grown-up.
Once the show started they ended up sitting a ways away from Chris and Blake, which was fine because she knew they'd end up together at the end of the night, and she liked Blake better in smaller groups than at large parties anyway. All these performers in one room did tend to give her a headache. Instead, the folks from various seasons seemed to sort themselves out, variously, and Elliott and Kat ended up back near the Daughtrys and Taylor and his new girl and Ace and Kellie. They cheered both singers though like nearly every year it was clear whom the Idol gods had smiled upon, and when the future runner-up sang the coronation song Kat caught Blake's eye; if nothing else, they would always share that.
After it was over they awaited the arrival of that year's talent. Elliott had wandered off to get more drinks and Kat was talking to Gina and Haley when she felt a familiar pair of hands cupping her breasts from behind. "You look good enough to eat," he whispered into her ear, his breath hot and wet.
"Blake!" Haley shouted. "Time and place!"
"Come on, Hale," Blake said, moving to stand between Gina and Kat. "Kat and I are good friends, aren't we?"
"Of course," Kat said, putting her arm around him and kissing him on the temple. "Of course we are."
Elliott came then and handed her a glass, then gave her a kiss on the cheek and a rub at the back of her neck, and she wondered how much of Blake's little display he'd seen. There was a commotion at the door and they all turned to see the new class of Idol'ers coming in. The little conversation groups that had formed dispersed, and Blake wandered off to do his last-year's-number-two duties, but Kat hung back, Elliott with her.
"Do you want to leave soon?" he asked.
"Chris Richardson said they wanted to go someplace after," Kat replied, "with a smaller group."
"All right," Elliott said, taking a drink.
"Is that all right?"
He smiled. "Definitely."
They went to a little divey sort of bar in West Hollywood, the kind of place where people leave you alone because they're too cool to acknowledge your existence, where there was still a back room area they filled up, Kat and Elliott and the Daughtrys and Chris and Blake, and Ace and Kellie, and Brandon, and Phil and Chris Sligh and Melinda who Kat hadn't seen in a dog's age, and Gina and Haley, too, and they were pretty rowdy, all things considered, and kind of took over the jukebox, but they also bought a round for everyone in the bar and gave big tips because nearly all of them had worked behind the bar or waiting tables at least once.
After a couple of hours people started to peel off, and somehow Kat and Elliott ended up back at Chris and Blake's place with Gina and Haley and a few other people, smoking a couple joints. It occurred to Kat that she'd never seen Elliott high, but he took papers and the bag from Chris and rolled one of the joints like a pro. At her questioning glance he shrugged and said, "Misspent youth. Didn't want to drink much."
It was all comfortable and woozy, and she was sitting in Elliott's lap on the couch, vaguely stroking his chest, her back against the arm, and then Blake sat on the other end, entangling his feet in hers. Elliott looked over, saw Blake's hand in Gina's hair as she sat on the floor with her back against the cushion, said nothing, but Kat could feel him shifting, putting his arm more firmly around her, and fought a wave of annoyance at his need to stake his claim before Blake because, really. Chris came out from the kitchen, put a bowl of baked cheese and sour cream ruffles in Kat's lap. Kat picked up a chip, offered it to Elliott, but his head was turned away from her, staring at Blake.
"Munchie?" she asked. "When did you eat last?"
"I'm all right," he said, but he pulled the chip into his mouth with his tongue.
A little after that Gina pulled her up to dance around to Kylie Minogue, with Haley too, and the boys were sitting on the couch watching, which seemed unlike Blake, and Haley yanked on him until he got up and pulled Chris along with him-boy your lovin' is all I think about. Kat turned, seeing Elliott sitting on the couch, and maybe it was the pot, and maybe it was how he was looking at her, or knowing that he felt awkward dancing in front of other people sometimes, but she started dancing just for him: there's a dark secret in me. After a bit he raised his hands, taking hers, and then he was on his feet, and they were dancing close and sexy, which she'd never done with him before, even alone. la la la, la-la la-la-la
The song ended, and Kat looked up to see the others watching them. Elliott cleared his throat and let her go, and she could see he was blushing so she kissed him, and Gina and Haley said, "Awwww!" and Elliott went even redder. Chris was laughing, but Blake was just staring, his head cocked. Then he walked right up to her and she was scared for a minute, given what had gone on earlier, but he just hugged her, so tight, his head tucked into her neck, and he whispered, "I'm glad." And when he let her go, she smiled and kissed him on the forehead.
"Call for a cab?" Elliott asked.
Kat nodded, and hugged Blake again, but she could feel Elliott's hand still at the small of her back.
By the time they got back to Elliott's place they were pretty sober but also kind of wired, so they went out on his porch and sat on the floor, their backs against the outside wall, drinking water and looking up at the wind stirring the trees. And then finally, finally he said, "So it was Blake."
"Yeah."
"And Chris too."
"Yeah."
"The tattoo. I should have known." He ran a hand through his hair.
She sat, not moving, just waiting him out.
"Oh god," he said, realizing. "The song." He sprang to his feet and went into the living room.
Kat followed and saw the promo copy of her cd in his hands. He put it in the tray, cued the song, opened the lyric sheet, and just stood there in front of the stereo, listening. She leaned against the doorframe, her hands gripping the wall behind her, and tried not to hold her breath. "Angel" was one of the last songs she started, because Chris had been out on the road until March. She remembered two days before they went into the studio when Chris asked, shyly, if she even still wanted to sing the song, given all that had happened, and she said he'd have to pry it out of her cold, dead hands. Or that day he first played the song for her, and how disconcerting it was that Blake took the entire thing in stride, not even a blink of self-consciousness as he worked out a vocal arrangement. Or the day that Elliott came into the studio and all she could think was that she wasn't the girl in the song anymore, because of her, but also because of him. But she had never thought about how the words must sound to him. She wondered which of these girls he heard in her voice-the one still in love with Blake, or the one licking her wounds, or the girl she was now, the girl who'd recorded the song.
When it was over, Elliott didn't move, didn't turn, just asked, "When did he write this?"
"In the late summer. Before it was over."
"So Chris knew, I mean, how you felt."
"He knew, I knew, we all knew everything. Well, except Blake. I don't think he wanted to know for a while."
"How long? How long did you …" and he stopped, as though he couldn't say it.
"I don't know. Four months straight, I guess, and then off and on once they were on tour, and then when they got back, it was over."
Elliott turned to her then. "Did you break it off, or did he, to be with Chris?"
She took a breath. "I did, because he was in love with Chris. Is."
"But if he had been in love with you-"
"He's not."
"But if he was-"
"But he's not." She turned to look at him. "He wasn't-it wasn't good for me, so I ended it."
"So the drama, the excitement-
"You're plenty exciting, Elliott. Don't worry about that."
"Oh?" he said, putting the cd down. and walking toward her. "Because I don't see anyone writing wistful songs about how I'm not in love with them." He walked back out onto the porch.
"Elliott."
"I'm sorry. It's just-" He stood, paced a little, then sat on the porch railing, facing her. "You and I, we're always going to be working singers. We're good enough and what we want to sing people like and we'll probably work our whole lives, or as long as we want to, and we're lucky. And Chris-give that kid time and he'll be Timbaland. Seriously. But Blake? Blake's a star and he's just getting started and-"
"And he's more than a little self-involved, and he's got the attention span of a toddler, and he's pretty free with his affections, and he can be careless sometimes, without meaning to be," she finished, sitting down at Elliott's feet. "And I adore him-I'm mad about him, and I always will be-but I can't put my heart there. Like tonight? It's not that you never left my side, because of course you did, but that you were there with me." She tapped against the floor for a moment, thinking. "You know, I think the reason that people like the sad love songs more than the happy ones is that more people can relate to them. I know I couldn't really put myself in them, but now … "
Elliott's face softened. "You're not just … do you mean that? Because two weeks ago you thought we were going too fast."
"I was scared, and I was-I've never done this before, Elliott. I've never had someone say the things you say to me and been able to believe that they mean them."
He pushed off the railing and squatted down in front of her, taking her hands in his. "That's not just me. That's you."
"Yeah," she said. "So let Blake be Frank, and we can be … "
"Dean and Sammy?"
"I think Chris is Dean."
"Kinky."
"Kinkier than me being Sammy?"
"No, you were Dean, I was Sammy."
"Of course. Steve and Eydie?"
"Kinda second string, Kat."
She shrugged. "We'll make 'em first string."
Elliott crawled over to sit behind Kat, pulling her back into his arms, his legs outstretched on either side of her.
"You said you didn't care what I did before I kissed you," she whispered.
He kissed her ear. "I don't. It just sucks to be the only guy at the table who doesn't know what's going on, you know?"
"Yeah," she said, running her right hand along his arm.
"I'm gonna miss you."
"Me too."
"Maybe we should have a variety show. We can be the new Sonny and Cher."
"Captain and Tennille."
"I do like hats. Donny and Marie?"
"Now that is kinky."
He chuckled. "Not Nick and Jessica."
"No! I can't even pretend to be that blonde."
"But you're gorgeous enough."
She reached her left hand up to cup his face, and turned her head. "So are you, sweetie. So are you."
Chapter 7: Aren't You Kind of Glad We Did?