Scariest thing we could come up with to do today: Move a piano.

Independence was not an entitlement. We are all expected to do what is necessary to maintain it.

I can say with confidence that I would not be here without my father.

I'll always think of it as "fag day."

If you celebrated Memorial Day by almost killing yourself, you're doing it wrong.

There are lots of mothers out there. Call somebody one today!

I wonder where I can find the screaming sales on black jellybeans without being tempted by the deep discounts on chocolate bunnies...

It's April Fools Day. Does that mean it's my birthday?

Remember, a fifth-century genocide is a reason to party!

I'm giving up self-deprivation for Lent.