-
(Untitled)
Sometimes I feel as though I am losing my mind. He married me, why do I feel this feeling deep in the bottom of my belly when I see pictures he took of the girls he's with at OCS. And then I find myself wondering what he thinks of them. If he thinks less of me because I'll never do anything like that, but there they are more woman than I'll ever be ( Read more... ) -
Day 10,008
Sometimes I really have to fight back the urge to just throw up my hands and say fuck it to everything. I feel like I'm drowning in things that I should care about and don't. Why are material possessions such a big deal? Why can I only be happy if I have lots of things and money? Why does my life depend on my credit score? It's stressful and ( Read more... ) -
Day 971
I didn't realize how lonely I was until today. Its sort of pathetic actually. I contemplated all the people I could call but came to the realization of just how desperate that would seem. The desperation oozed out of me when Krystee stopped by the store yesterday with her sister. It's sort of disgusting really. I disgust myself. I don't know how ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
I realize that I've contributed nothing to this world, aside from my mere presence. I always thought I would be something, do something spectacular and yet here I am, almost 30. No college degree, not even the manager of the place I work at anymore. I'm nothing. I've done nothing, I am nothing.
Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.
-
Day 6
It's strange and funny to me how my reaction to this past week mirrors my reaction to the whole Joe thing almost 10 years ago now. The anxiety, the depression. The realization that I have little to no one, except for my parents. The funny thing is that this time around all I want to do is hang out at my parents' house, whereas last time I would ( Read more... ) -
Day 5
It's getting better. I haven't cried since Thursday, which is good. I finally got to talk to him this morning, for almost exactly 5 minutes. We joked about the weather. 10 more weeks. 10 more weeks! It seems like eternity. And then it's more training after that. Apparently 12 weeks! I shouldn't have just looked that up. More later. -
Day 1.1
I'm not quite sure how people are strong enough to do this, because I feel like I'm not anywhere near strong enough. I feel weak and pathetic. I've been wandering around my house blubbering for the past hour trying to find things to occupy my mind and nothing is good enough. And then I find a shirt that he forgot to wash and I melt down ( Read more... ) -
Day 1
So here I am. Alone with the dog in an empty house not knowing what to do with myself. I took Ted to the airport approximately 2 hours ago so he could get on a plane to go to Kansas for basic training. These are the moments when I need to fill my life with things to keep me busy and yet here I am typing away on a computer, feeling sorry for ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
Dear livejournal,
I am so sick of this place. I feel as though I am the only person who really cares. Also, I'm fairly certain I am the only person who works here that has any aesthetic sensibilities. The thing is, I don't know how to get out of here. It's as though the world wants me to stay here and be miserable.
Love,
Jill