Better 3/?
Title: Better 3/?
Pairing: Human Doctor/Rose, mentioning of Nine/Rose, Ten/Rose
Rating: Teen (this rating will increase later)
Timeline: After Journey's End
Summary: The Doctor is traveling on new territory - a human body with a very human single heart, no Tardis, and no time & space. But there's Rose - and all the emotions that resurface with her return. All he wants to do is be with her - but it's not going to be that easy.
A/N: It may be my birthday, but this is a gift to you! A longer chapter than usual. Hope you enjoy!
Want to read it from the beginning? Start here
Rose hung up the phone after ordering the take-away. Facing away from the Doctor, who was sitting on her couch, she looked out her kitchen window onto the darkened street below.
The Doctor was sitting on her couch.
Was he her Doctor, she finally asked herself. As much as a stubborn part of her wanted to scream no at her, she couldn’t help but feel it in her gut that the man who was sitting on her couch, looking as normal and human (because he was) as can be, was her Doctor. She couldn’t fully understand it. Nor could she fully believe it. Working at Torchwood had taught her more than a thing or two, but even then, this metacrisis deal was beyond her knowledge because it was pure him.
She was angry. And hurt. But a good chunk of her insides were also entangled with twinges of happiness because for once…in four years - she didn’t feel completely alone. Rose had her family and Mickey and a few new friends from work with whom she’d spend time with…but no one ever filled the void that he left when he left her. Still, she was angry at the Time Lord in the blue box. The blue box that had become her home and one she was given a chance to temporarily visit when she thought it would finally be forever. He took her choice. He had already taken so much from her.
Rose turned around, her phone firmly in her grasp, to face the man on her couch. The man whose hair was sticking up wildly, just like it always had. The man whose body was wearing a different suit, but whose eyes still made her shiver as they looked longingly into hers, just like he always tried to hide doing before. The man who remembered everything but could finally give her what she wanted most…a life with him by her side.
The Doctor was looking at her and she had the feeling that his eyes had never left her. She could feel so much in that look, emotions she could always see in him and others that were so new to her and yet felt so familiar because they hid underneath his skin when he touched her and his eyes when he would look at her. And now…now it was all there for her to see.
He was human now after all.
***
The Doctor watched Rose as she set the phone down on the table in her kitchen and slowly walked over to where he was seated on the couch. He had watched her so closely so many times, but it was as if he was seeing her for the first time. In a way he was since it was the first time watching her with those eyes. Still, he felt his eyes crawling over her skin, and her curves. The only thing that was missing was her ever-brilliant smile. His heart felt a pang of hurt at it’s loss, but he reminded himself that it wouldn’t always be that way - he’d having her smiling again in no time. And now, the only difference was that he couldn’t stop his eyes from looking at her, not like he had to before. There was only one heart in his chest, but it still beat with the ferocity of two.
She was still wearing her purple jacket and her black slacks that covered her so beautifully. He fought the urge to feel the material under his fingertips. In fact, the Doctor fought all urges to touch Rose right then. He had contented himself earlier with holding her hand, but had felt the emptiness overwhelm him as soon as her hand left his. To be on the safe side, he kept his arms and hands strictly at his sides as she sat next to him. Rose wasn’t quite touching him but having her so close after being away from her was making him a bit impatient. The proximity dizzied him with the same effect as if he had been touching her.
Close, but not nearly enough.
But he’d wait, even if the waiting would hurt that much more now.
Rose, who had been sitting rigidly next to him, appeared to relax slightly as she turned to face him, bringing her leg up on the couch in the process.
“Will you be okay?” she asked, her voice tired and worried.
The Doctor couldn’t decipher if she was asking about him, the quite human Doctor before her, or the other him…the lonely Time Lord. He had a feeling, however, that she was talking about them both.
“Me? I’ll be fine. Wellll…a bit daunting now, the whole new universe, one heart thing…,” he felt his eyes widen as the recent events sunk in, “Blimey, I’m going to have to have a real name, won’t I? And a job…a job! Blimey…BLIMEY…Rose, where do I get a job??” He knew there was more than a twinge of desperation and fear in his voice, but he couldn’t help it.
To his surprise, however, his babbling made Rose’s lips widen in a smile. Not a polite smile like the ones she had been sending his way, but in an honest-to-goodness-Rose-Tyler smile. He could feel the corners of his mouth pinch up and his heart speed. The worries of a name and getting a job slowly melted away into the background.
And before he could stop himself, though not really finding a reason to do so, he said, “…but for that smile, you can call me whatever you want.”
He then felt the need to add, “Within reason, of course.”
After a quick pause, Rose burst out laughing and the Doctor felt his heart ache as he realized how long he had been without that laugh. And for once, for as long as he could remember, he let himself drown in the sound of it.
***
“What?” he eventually asked, his lips set in a smile.
Rose couldn’t remember the last time she had laughed like that. Her laugh began to die off as she realized that she did remember…it was before the battle. And the last time she had smiled like that was when she saw her Doctor down that long street as she ran toward him.
Her laughter pattered out, and her smile dimmed just a bit as she stared at the human man in front of her. Rose found that she could not take her eyes off of him - some things simply did not change.
“It’s like…it’s like after regeneration,” she said suddenly. Rose could feel her cheeks blush instantly.
He tilted his head to rest on his hand as he rested his arm against the back of the couch, and turned to face her. “What do you mean?” he asked her, honestly curious.
Clearing her throat, she tried to make the thoughts make sense to him, “Well, when you regenerated…you were the same…but slightly different, yeah?” He appeared pleased to realize that she was giving him a chance…that she was trying to understand him.
“So…you believe I’m the Doctor then?” he asked, hope tangled with his words. Still, she could hear a twinge of worry in his question.
Rose’s smile faltered a bit more as she continued looking at him. His unruly hair, his slender frame, goodness…his gob - it had to be him. And yet there was a little something that wasn’t. However, Rose couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing just yet.
The truth was that the entire situation was making her head swim. She'd wanted him with her for the longest time - and this reunion was as bittersweet as it could be. Was it him or was it someone or something completely different? Rose felt that she didn't know what to think. It had been awhile since she'd opened up to someone. She had fought to find herself beside the Doctor since the day she was yanked from it - but she never expected...him.
She reached forward to place a hand on his, resting against his thigh. There was a flash of something in his eyes as their skin met, something Rose could always remember seeing, but just as it was then - it was fleeting before it was to be described.
“I believe that you are…but I also believe that you are something entirely…you.” She smiled gently, hopefully conveying to him that it wasn’t a bad thing to be different. She may not know...what was going on, but she also couldn't fight the innate urge to believe that he was the Doctor. The idea was causing her so much frustration within herself - so many emotions mingling and storming. Rose pushed them away for the time being.
The Doctor, unaware of her worries, grinned at her as they shared their silence.
Eventually, Rose broke it, “Are you…are you…” She didn’t know how to ask the question without breaking her heart. It had already been broken so much that day.
He stopped cradling his head and instead put that hand to much greater use by covering hers. It suddenly felt like he had never stopped touching her.
“Rose, you can ask me anything…especially now.” He meant every word.
Rose wanted to ask about the end of his sentence, but decided to leave it for later.
“Are you…upset…that he left you?” Her voice broke at the end.
She watched as the sparkle in his eyes dimmed just a tiny bit.
***
The Doctor looked down at their hands and repeated her words over and over in his quite-human mind. Was he upset? He felt that he couldn’t answer the question because the he in question was still him. And it was very hard to be completely upset, albeit with no Tardis or way to travel the stars, when he was able to keep Rose.
He knew, of course, that Rose wasn’t his. Not right now anyway. But still, any option that offered him the chance to see her, to touch her and to know that she was only a walk, phone call or hug away was enough.
It was more than enough after everything that had happened between them.
So when he said his answer, he meant it.
“No.”
There was relief in her eyes, though the sadness still shined through. He didn’t want to ruin the suddenly warm silence between them, but he needed to know.
“Are…are you upset…that…he left?” he didn’t know what to expect from his question. Rose was a brilliant person, brilliant beyond anything he had ever seen from any human or otherwise - but even he didn’t expect her to accept him so easily.
Sadness seemed to have conquered her eyes and he had a sudden fear that she would take her hand away from him, but she didn’t. Still, the sorrow didn’t leave her face - nor did he expect it to.
But would it ever?
***
Rose waited a moment before answering his question. Her quiet voice filled her flat as she looked on at their clasped hands, “I don’t know. I waited so long…I worked so hard…to get back to…you…him…” she shook her head and smiled half-heartedly. Slowly, she raised her eyes to meet his. His chocolate-brown eyes searched hers and their look made her heart skip a beat…or two.
In attempt to understand her own feelings, she started again, “I worked so hard…Doctor…to get back to you. And even though you’re here…” she loosened out of his grip so she could trail her fingertips over his knuckles. Rose never thought she would see or feel his hands again. “…even though you’re here, it hurt that it looked effortless for you to leave me behind. Again.”
The Doctor was about to protest, his brow already furrowing, when Rose held up her hand, stopping him.
“I know that it wasn’t effortless. I know you didn’t choose to leave me behind the first time…” A few tears escaped her eyes without her consent; she swiped them away before he could see. But of course he did.
“…Even though you didn’t choose to the first time, Doctor…this time…this time you did. And I know you’re here - but…it’s all so confusing right now,” she let out an exasperated sigh, but didn’t stop trailing her touch along his skin.
It was difficult to say the words - to speak them so honestly with him. She felt she was betraying the Doctor, the one in the beautiful blue box - but how could she lie to him?
It would be too easy…way too easy to pick up where they left off. Mostly because Rose didn’t want to continue the way they were…not with the limitations. She’d been without him in so long that any idea she might have had of going slow and letting him set their pace had flown out the window.
But this was different. This was a whole new Doctor and yet not. Any ideas of taking this at a fast pace were out of the question. She hardly even knew how to feel about it.
Still, just sitting with him made her body ache. He was human - which meant that they would actually be able to move forward if they both wanted to.
Did he want to?
Did she?
She didn’t know. But it felt good to laugh again, to talk to him, to be touching him.
But how could she move forward with him when the Doctor was still out there, somewhere, without her?
***
He looked at her with a plethora of emotions twisting in his eyes. There was a happiness mixed with hope in the fact that she wasn’t outright rejecting him. But there was also a heart-wrenching pain in his lone heart at the thoughts that seemed to be passing through her mind. Didn’t she realize that this was the only way he could have what he wanted and give her the like in return? There had to be some sacrifice and even though she thought that she was the one being sacrificed…or the whole of time and space and the Tardis for him - the real sacrifice was the Time Lord Doctor taking himself out of the equation. He took himself out so that part of him could live that life on the slower path - the one he had always wanted for himself.
Even if he didn’t dare admit it.
Rose was not the consolation prize for the two Doctors; she was the prize, the reward, the blessing. And he, the human-one-heart-mortgage-and-real-name Doctor, was the lucky one. How could he make her understand how much went into his decision?
“Rose,” he heard his voice caress her name with such tenderness that her eyes softened with darkness at the sound of it, “it took so much to leave you. All the time, that’s how it always felt even when you were with me - like I was always leaving you behind. Until the day it actually happened.” The Doctor tried not to let the emotions arise in his chest - the pain he had felt that day. And every day she wasn’t with him.
He continued, “But this was one of the hardest things he’s ever done…that I’ve ever done. I’ve wanted this for so long - and this…this was the only way I could have it. So no, it wasn’t effortless for him to leave you behind…it was anything but.”
Rose’s fingers had stilled on his knuckles and he took advantage of it by letting his fingers caress the back of her soft hand. He could see the goose bumps rising on her arm and part of him relished in the fact that he could do that to her. Looking up into her honey eyes, he let his own half-hearted smile escape on his lips,
“I never was good at saying goodbye.”
***
Four
Pairing: Human Doctor/Rose, mentioning of Nine/Rose, Ten/Rose
Rating: Teen (this rating will increase later)
Timeline: After Journey's End
Summary: The Doctor is traveling on new territory - a human body with a very human single heart, no Tardis, and no time & space. But there's Rose - and all the emotions that resurface with her return. All he wants to do is be with her - but it's not going to be that easy.
A/N: It may be my birthday, but this is a gift to you! A longer chapter than usual. Hope you enjoy!
Want to read it from the beginning? Start here
Rose hung up the phone after ordering the take-away. Facing away from the Doctor, who was sitting on her couch, she looked out her kitchen window onto the darkened street below.
The Doctor was sitting on her couch.
Was he her Doctor, she finally asked herself. As much as a stubborn part of her wanted to scream no at her, she couldn’t help but feel it in her gut that the man who was sitting on her couch, looking as normal and human (because he was) as can be, was her Doctor. She couldn’t fully understand it. Nor could she fully believe it. Working at Torchwood had taught her more than a thing or two, but even then, this metacrisis deal was beyond her knowledge because it was pure him.
She was angry. And hurt. But a good chunk of her insides were also entangled with twinges of happiness because for once…in four years - she didn’t feel completely alone. Rose had her family and Mickey and a few new friends from work with whom she’d spend time with…but no one ever filled the void that he left when he left her. Still, she was angry at the Time Lord in the blue box. The blue box that had become her home and one she was given a chance to temporarily visit when she thought it would finally be forever. He took her choice. He had already taken so much from her.
Rose turned around, her phone firmly in her grasp, to face the man on her couch. The man whose hair was sticking up wildly, just like it always had. The man whose body was wearing a different suit, but whose eyes still made her shiver as they looked longingly into hers, just like he always tried to hide doing before. The man who remembered everything but could finally give her what she wanted most…a life with him by her side.
The Doctor was looking at her and she had the feeling that his eyes had never left her. She could feel so much in that look, emotions she could always see in him and others that were so new to her and yet felt so familiar because they hid underneath his skin when he touched her and his eyes when he would look at her. And now…now it was all there for her to see.
He was human now after all.
***
The Doctor watched Rose as she set the phone down on the table in her kitchen and slowly walked over to where he was seated on the couch. He had watched her so closely so many times, but it was as if he was seeing her for the first time. In a way he was since it was the first time watching her with those eyes. Still, he felt his eyes crawling over her skin, and her curves. The only thing that was missing was her ever-brilliant smile. His heart felt a pang of hurt at it’s loss, but he reminded himself that it wouldn’t always be that way - he’d having her smiling again in no time. And now, the only difference was that he couldn’t stop his eyes from looking at her, not like he had to before. There was only one heart in his chest, but it still beat with the ferocity of two.
She was still wearing her purple jacket and her black slacks that covered her so beautifully. He fought the urge to feel the material under his fingertips. In fact, the Doctor fought all urges to touch Rose right then. He had contented himself earlier with holding her hand, but had felt the emptiness overwhelm him as soon as her hand left his. To be on the safe side, he kept his arms and hands strictly at his sides as she sat next to him. Rose wasn’t quite touching him but having her so close after being away from her was making him a bit impatient. The proximity dizzied him with the same effect as if he had been touching her.
Close, but not nearly enough.
But he’d wait, even if the waiting would hurt that much more now.
Rose, who had been sitting rigidly next to him, appeared to relax slightly as she turned to face him, bringing her leg up on the couch in the process.
“Will you be okay?” she asked, her voice tired and worried.
The Doctor couldn’t decipher if she was asking about him, the quite human Doctor before her, or the other him…the lonely Time Lord. He had a feeling, however, that she was talking about them both.
“Me? I’ll be fine. Wellll…a bit daunting now, the whole new universe, one heart thing…,” he felt his eyes widen as the recent events sunk in, “Blimey, I’m going to have to have a real name, won’t I? And a job…a job! Blimey…BLIMEY…Rose, where do I get a job??” He knew there was more than a twinge of desperation and fear in his voice, but he couldn’t help it.
To his surprise, however, his babbling made Rose’s lips widen in a smile. Not a polite smile like the ones she had been sending his way, but in an honest-to-goodness-Rose-Tyler smile. He could feel the corners of his mouth pinch up and his heart speed. The worries of a name and getting a job slowly melted away into the background.
And before he could stop himself, though not really finding a reason to do so, he said, “…but for that smile, you can call me whatever you want.”
He then felt the need to add, “Within reason, of course.”
After a quick pause, Rose burst out laughing and the Doctor felt his heart ache as he realized how long he had been without that laugh. And for once, for as long as he could remember, he let himself drown in the sound of it.
***
“What?” he eventually asked, his lips set in a smile.
Rose couldn’t remember the last time she had laughed like that. Her laugh began to die off as she realized that she did remember…it was before the battle. And the last time she had smiled like that was when she saw her Doctor down that long street as she ran toward him.
Her laughter pattered out, and her smile dimmed just a bit as she stared at the human man in front of her. Rose found that she could not take her eyes off of him - some things simply did not change.
“It’s like…it’s like after regeneration,” she said suddenly. Rose could feel her cheeks blush instantly.
He tilted his head to rest on his hand as he rested his arm against the back of the couch, and turned to face her. “What do you mean?” he asked her, honestly curious.
Clearing her throat, she tried to make the thoughts make sense to him, “Well, when you regenerated…you were the same…but slightly different, yeah?” He appeared pleased to realize that she was giving him a chance…that she was trying to understand him.
“So…you believe I’m the Doctor then?” he asked, hope tangled with his words. Still, she could hear a twinge of worry in his question.
Rose’s smile faltered a bit more as she continued looking at him. His unruly hair, his slender frame, goodness…his gob - it had to be him. And yet there was a little something that wasn’t. However, Rose couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing just yet.
The truth was that the entire situation was making her head swim. She'd wanted him with her for the longest time - and this reunion was as bittersweet as it could be. Was it him or was it someone or something completely different? Rose felt that she didn't know what to think. It had been awhile since she'd opened up to someone. She had fought to find herself beside the Doctor since the day she was yanked from it - but she never expected...him.
She reached forward to place a hand on his, resting against his thigh. There was a flash of something in his eyes as their skin met, something Rose could always remember seeing, but just as it was then - it was fleeting before it was to be described.
“I believe that you are…but I also believe that you are something entirely…you.” She smiled gently, hopefully conveying to him that it wasn’t a bad thing to be different. She may not know...what was going on, but she also couldn't fight the innate urge to believe that he was the Doctor. The idea was causing her so much frustration within herself - so many emotions mingling and storming. Rose pushed them away for the time being.
The Doctor, unaware of her worries, grinned at her as they shared their silence.
Eventually, Rose broke it, “Are you…are you…” She didn’t know how to ask the question without breaking her heart. It had already been broken so much that day.
He stopped cradling his head and instead put that hand to much greater use by covering hers. It suddenly felt like he had never stopped touching her.
“Rose, you can ask me anything…especially now.” He meant every word.
Rose wanted to ask about the end of his sentence, but decided to leave it for later.
“Are you…upset…that he left you?” Her voice broke at the end.
She watched as the sparkle in his eyes dimmed just a tiny bit.
***
The Doctor looked down at their hands and repeated her words over and over in his quite-human mind. Was he upset? He felt that he couldn’t answer the question because the he in question was still him. And it was very hard to be completely upset, albeit with no Tardis or way to travel the stars, when he was able to keep Rose.
He knew, of course, that Rose wasn’t his. Not right now anyway. But still, any option that offered him the chance to see her, to touch her and to know that she was only a walk, phone call or hug away was enough.
It was more than enough after everything that had happened between them.
So when he said his answer, he meant it.
“No.”
There was relief in her eyes, though the sadness still shined through. He didn’t want to ruin the suddenly warm silence between them, but he needed to know.
“Are…are you upset…that…he left?” he didn’t know what to expect from his question. Rose was a brilliant person, brilliant beyond anything he had ever seen from any human or otherwise - but even he didn’t expect her to accept him so easily.
Sadness seemed to have conquered her eyes and he had a sudden fear that she would take her hand away from him, but she didn’t. Still, the sorrow didn’t leave her face - nor did he expect it to.
But would it ever?
***
Rose waited a moment before answering his question. Her quiet voice filled her flat as she looked on at their clasped hands, “I don’t know. I waited so long…I worked so hard…to get back to…you…him…” she shook her head and smiled half-heartedly. Slowly, she raised her eyes to meet his. His chocolate-brown eyes searched hers and their look made her heart skip a beat…or two.
In attempt to understand her own feelings, she started again, “I worked so hard…Doctor…to get back to you. And even though you’re here…” she loosened out of his grip so she could trail her fingertips over his knuckles. Rose never thought she would see or feel his hands again. “…even though you’re here, it hurt that it looked effortless for you to leave me behind. Again.”
The Doctor was about to protest, his brow already furrowing, when Rose held up her hand, stopping him.
“I know that it wasn’t effortless. I know you didn’t choose to leave me behind the first time…” A few tears escaped her eyes without her consent; she swiped them away before he could see. But of course he did.
“…Even though you didn’t choose to the first time, Doctor…this time…this time you did. And I know you’re here - but…it’s all so confusing right now,” she let out an exasperated sigh, but didn’t stop trailing her touch along his skin.
It was difficult to say the words - to speak them so honestly with him. She felt she was betraying the Doctor, the one in the beautiful blue box - but how could she lie to him?
It would be too easy…way too easy to pick up where they left off. Mostly because Rose didn’t want to continue the way they were…not with the limitations. She’d been without him in so long that any idea she might have had of going slow and letting him set their pace had flown out the window.
But this was different. This was a whole new Doctor and yet not. Any ideas of taking this at a fast pace were out of the question. She hardly even knew how to feel about it.
Still, just sitting with him made her body ache. He was human - which meant that they would actually be able to move forward if they both wanted to.
Did he want to?
Did she?
She didn’t know. But it felt good to laugh again, to talk to him, to be touching him.
But how could she move forward with him when the Doctor was still out there, somewhere, without her?
***
He looked at her with a plethora of emotions twisting in his eyes. There was a happiness mixed with hope in the fact that she wasn’t outright rejecting him. But there was also a heart-wrenching pain in his lone heart at the thoughts that seemed to be passing through her mind. Didn’t she realize that this was the only way he could have what he wanted and give her the like in return? There had to be some sacrifice and even though she thought that she was the one being sacrificed…or the whole of time and space and the Tardis for him - the real sacrifice was the Time Lord Doctor taking himself out of the equation. He took himself out so that part of him could live that life on the slower path - the one he had always wanted for himself.
Even if he didn’t dare admit it.
Rose was not the consolation prize for the two Doctors; she was the prize, the reward, the blessing. And he, the human-one-heart-mortgage-and-real-name Doctor, was the lucky one. How could he make her understand how much went into his decision?
“Rose,” he heard his voice caress her name with such tenderness that her eyes softened with darkness at the sound of it, “it took so much to leave you. All the time, that’s how it always felt even when you were with me - like I was always leaving you behind. Until the day it actually happened.” The Doctor tried not to let the emotions arise in his chest - the pain he had felt that day. And every day she wasn’t with him.
He continued, “But this was one of the hardest things he’s ever done…that I’ve ever done. I’ve wanted this for so long - and this…this was the only way I could have it. So no, it wasn’t effortless for him to leave you behind…it was anything but.”
Rose’s fingers had stilled on his knuckles and he took advantage of it by letting his fingers caress the back of her soft hand. He could see the goose bumps rising on her arm and part of him relished in the fact that he could do that to her. Looking up into her honey eyes, he let his own half-hearted smile escape on his lips,
“I never was good at saying goodbye.”
***
Four