Heaven's Just A Sin Away - J2 - NC17 - AU
Title: Heaven's Just A Sin Away.
Author: jeyhawk
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC17
Wordcount: ~ 13 000
Beta: ames1010. I love you babe! You rock my world.
Original Prompt:
Kiss and Dwell
Monique Vicknair has a secret-she's a medium, dedicated to helping spirits cross to the other side. Unfortunately, she's been so busy, she hasn't taken care of her own earthly needs. And it's been a long, long time. So when she meets recently deceased-but oh-so-sexy-Ryan Chappelle, she's more than ready for a fling. Even if it is with a ghost!
Ryan is no stranger to the pleasures of a woman's body, and his death hasn't changed that. But he's never wanted anyone the way he wants Monique. So he's refusing to leave this world until he makes love to her. And if he has to break all the laws of heaven and earth to do it, he will. Again and again and again…
Notes: Written for spn_harlequin. Not brutally true to the prompt but Jared is a medium and Jensen a ghost... that counts, right? :0P I wanna thank all the usual suspects and I hope you people like it. Also... the title has very little to do with the fic. It's a country song title. FTW!
The first time Jared saw a ghost, he was seven years old. His older brother Jeff, ever the caring one, dared him to go into the neighborhood haunted house alone, and Jared had never been one to back down on a dare. The house was old and hadn’t been occupied for at least ten years; debris was cluttered in the corners and it smelled like mildew.
Neighborhood kids had been coming there for years, daring each other to step into its cold, dank depths and all of them swore they had seen, or felt, something. Graffiti covered the walls and the windows had long since been blocked up. The front door hung loose on its hinges, having been broken up too many times and the police had stopped trying to keep the place from being vandalized when it became clear the current owner didn’t care what happened to it.
Parents warned their kids about going into the place, a lot more concerned with loose floorboards than ghosts, though. Jared had heard all the stories and seen the pale faces of kids twice as old as him when they retold their stories of the house, but when he walks up the rickety front steps and pushes the door open, he isn’t scared. The door comes open easily, creaking on rusty hinges and he casts one last look over his shoulder to Jeff’s grinning face before walking in.
It’s dark in the hallway and there are crude drawings on the walls. Jared pauses to look at them for a moment, frowning at something that looks like a nasty flesh eating flower with the words eat my pussy above. Why anyone would want someone to eat his cat is beyond Jared, so he walks further into the house.
He wishes he’d brought a flashlight. He’s not scared of the dark, but he’s afraid he’ll trip and break his arm again like he did last year. It had been fun to see what people wrote on his cast, and the fact that he got all the candy he wanted for a couple of days, but the pain hadn’t been very fun, or the nasty itch that he couldn’t reach to scratch.
It’s cold in the house, way colder than it should be in the middle of a Texas summer without the hum of an AC. In the dim light he can see his breath turning to mist and he rubs his bare arms, the fine hair on his body standing on edge. He walks a few steps forward, keeping his eyes trained on the filthy floor, and when he looks up again there is a girl standing before him.
She looks to be about his age, wearing a dirty, torn sundress. Her clothes aren’t the worst part, though, it’s the bleeding hole in her chest. Jared sucks in a breath, reaching out towards her flickering frame.
“Help me,” she whispers and Jared doesn’t as much hear it as the words just appear in his head.
He swallows. “I don’t know how,” he says.
She lifts her hand, reaching out for him. “Help me.”
He licks his lips, wanting to tell her that he is just seven years old and even though his grandma says he’s old for his age, he still doesn’t know how to help someone that has a huge gaping hole in her chest. Dimly, he hears Jeff call out for him and he answers, keeping his eyes trained on the girl.
There is a sound behind him and Jared looks back, seeing Jeff in the doorway. Suddenly the sweltering heat of summer pours back into the room and when he looks back, the girl is gone.
“You okay?” Jeff asks, trying to sound casual, even though the sound of worried big brother is slipping through.
“Yeah,” Jared says, looking around the room one last time before turning towards his brother. “But this place smells funny.”
Jeff laughs. “Come along, big shot. I’ll buy you an ice cream.”
Jared eagerly follows him out of the house, the girl almost forgotten in the face of an ice cream. Jeff asks him if he saw something in there and not really knowing why, Jared shakes his head. In a way, he would love to brag to his brother that he saw a ghost, but he feels bad because he couldn’t help her. He decides to talk to his grandma about it, because Grandma Padalecki knows about these things.
*
As it is, Jared almost forgets about the ghost before he gets the time to talk to his grandma. She’s busy and he’s caught up in the great flurry of summer and the momentous occasion of his eighth birthday. He has a party with lots of candy and cake out in the yard, and all the kids of the ‘hood are invited.
After the party, though, his grandma comes by to congratulate him, sitting with him on the back porch, looking at the twinkling stars. She looks a little sad and Jared hugs her with one arm, leaning his head against her bony shoulder.
“What’s wrong, Grandma?” he asks.
“It’s nothing you would understand, little one,” she answers, her dark eyes staring blindly up at the sky.
“Try me,” he says, because he’s eight now and his grandma never treated him like a kid before.
She chuckles and turns to look at him, ruffling his hair. He ducks out of the touch and frowns at her.
“It’s just… you know how I see things that other people don’t?”
“Yes, of course,” Jared says, because everyone knows that. His grandma is a medium and people come to her to talk to people that are dead and stuff.
“Well… I thought for sure you had the gift, too,” she says. “But if it doesn’t manifest before your eight birthday, you don’t have it.”
“Manifests?” Jared crinkles his nose; sometimes his grandma talks funny.
“Shows itself.”
“Oh.”
“It doesn’t matter,” his grandma says when she sees the frown on his face. “It’s not the easiest path of life. I shouldn’t have wished it for you.”
“How would I know that it showed itself?” Jared asks, thinking about the girl with a hole in her chest.
“You’d see them. Hear them. Sometimes, maybe, you’d dream dreams that come true, or see glimpses of the future. It’s different for everyone.”
Jared nods, wanting to tell her about the girl, but not knowing how. He doesn’t want his grandma to think he’s making it up just to please her.
“What would I do if I saw a ghost then?”
His grandma gives him a straight forward look, one of the feared Nanna Padalecki looks that sees right through him, and then she smiles.
“You’d try to help it find its way to the other side. Ghosts are generally souls that are trapped on this plane, looking for a way to move on. Pain and confusion made them miss their chance when it came and now they are lost in a world where no one can see them.”
“But how do you do that? Is there, like, a door?”
She chuckles, bumping his shoulder with her own. “Yes, there is. In here.” She taps his forehead with a finger. “But only you would know how to open it.”
“But…”
“That’s enough, Jared,” she says softly. “We’ll talk more about this later. You should be in bed already.”
Jared pouts, but he knows that she is right and it’s always better to go to bed voluntarily than to be forced.
“Night, Nanna,” he says, pressing a kiss to her smooth cheek. “I’ll see you another day.”
“Don’t forget to brush your teeth,” she calls to his retreating back.
“I won’t,” he promises.
*
Two days later, Jared takes his bicycle up to the haunted house, leaving his bike in the grass and walking up to the house. He looks up at the peeled paint of the façade and the boarded up windows, thinking it must have been a pretty house once. Squaring his shoulders, he walks up the front steps and opens the door. It looks the same as it did last time he visited, and he quickly moves through the hall and into the room beyond where he met the girl last time.
She’s not there now, though, and the air isn’t cold like it was last time. It’s a bit chilly and it smells damp and a bit like pee. Jared crinkles his nose, walking further into the room, pulling the flashlight he remembered to bring out of his pocket and turning it on. He swivels the light around, over the filthy floor and the dirty walls.
There is very little furniture left, just a few shelves along one wall and what looks like a three-legged kitchen chair knocked over on the floor. A disgusting looking mattress lies against one wall and he wonders if maybe someone used to live here.
“Hello,” he calls out, his voice sounding small in the emptiness of the house. He’s not exactly scared, but he’s feeling nervous, the skin on the back of his neck prickling uncomfortably.
No one answers, and he takes a few steps forward towards a door at the other side of the room that is gaping open. His tiny flashlight can’t penetrate the dark on the other side and he frowns. He remembers his mother telling him that the old house is dangerous and he really doesn’t want to disappoint her by hurting himself.
Suddenly the airs grow colder and he stops dead in his tracks. The girl flickers into view before him, still wearing the same torn dress and a gaping hole in her chest. Jared feels a little nauseous looking at it, so he raises his eyes to her face, and she’s crying.
“You can’t be here,” she wails. “He’s coming, he’s gonna get you, too.”
“Who’s coming?” Jared asks, the first tendrils of real fear making his heart quicken.
“He is,” she says and dissolves into tears.
She disappears from view, but he can still hear her sobbing. His flashlight flickers and then goes out, casting the room into darkness. Slowly, he starts inching back the way he came, his eyes darting around the room. The place feels different, not like it did the last time he was there.
He gasps when a shadow comes hurtling towards him from across the room. It’s vaguely man-shaped, but flickering wildly like it can’t remember what it used to look like. Jared raises a hand to ward it off with a fearful little cry. The thing runs up to him, reaching claw like hands out for his face and then it connects with his outstretched hand.
A shockwave of icy cold goes through Jared's body and he screams wordlessly, crumbling down to his knees on the uneven floor. Inside his head, he can feel the door that his grandma talked about and somehow he forces it to open up, letting the spirit move through him. With a last flicker of icy cold, it’s over and he falls to the floor panting.
He feels like he’s been running really, really fast for a really long time, his heart struggling to keep up with his painfully gasped breaths.
“He’s gone now,” the girl says and suddenly the room around him changes into a sun-drenched living room.
He breathes a little easier and pushes himself up into sitting position. “What was that?” he asks.
The girl appears before him, her dress no longer torn and the hole in her chest is gone. She’s smiling, her long dark hair braided neatly at her ears.
“You saved me,” she says, crouching down by Jared's side. “Now you have to show me the way.”
Jared swallows, trying to find that door inside, but it seems to be closed again. “I don’t know how,” he says looking down on his hands, noting that a huge bruise is covering his right palm.
He never had a bruised palm before and he slowly flexes his fingers, wincing at the pain.
“Yes, you do,” she says, placing one of her hands on his clammy forehead.
Suddenly, he knows what to do and he opens the door in his mind again. Her eyes sparkle with joy and she bends forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek with her icy lips, before she suddenly dissolves into light. The room shifts and changes around him and he is once again back in the room where he started.
“Girl cooties,” he says with a frown, brushing the back of his hand over his cheek.
His flashlight flickers to life again on the floor and he crawls over, picking it up. He feels weak, like the first time he got out of bed after catching mono last summer.
“Jared, are you in there?”
“Nanna?”
Jared turns towards the door and a wave of relief flows through him when he sees his grandma’s familiar form in the doorway.
“Silly boy,” she says harshly, walking over to him and crouching down. “Silly, stupid boy.”
Jared is about to protest when she suddenly pulls him into a too tight hug that smells faintly like honey.
“Are you hurt?” she asks, her lips against his hair. “Please talk to me.”
“I’m fine,” he says, burying his nose in the crook of her neck.
She easily hoists him up into her arms and carries him out of the house.
“Put me down,” he protests when they get out into the sunlight and she does as he says, pulling herself up to her full height of almost six feet to look down on him.
“Now what on earth were you thinking, Jared Padalecki, going up against that thing all by yourself?”
Jared blinks. “I wasn’t…”
She suddenly grins brighter than the sun. “You got the gift alright,” she says. “And it’s way stronger than mine ever was. I couldn’t take that thing. I tried once and it almost got me killed.”
Jared frowns, it’s not like he did something special, but grandma’s smile is so blinding he finds himself smiling, too, figuring he did well. She offers him her hand and he takes it, walking slowly next to her down the driveway, forgetting all about his bike lying in the grass. There is the promise of cookies and milk in the future, and the world is looking brighter all of a sudden.
~*~
Eleven Years Later
At nineteen, Jared sports the same unruly mop off too long hair he did when he was eight and his hazel eyes still sparkle with mischief. His grandma is still his hero and he’s still eerily like the kid from The Sixth Sense, only a lot less creepy. Over the years, his gift evolved and his grandma was right when she predicted that he would be much stronger than her. Along with seeing dead people and being able to help them over to the other side, he also has a knack for telling the immediate future and his people reading skills are almost scary in their intensity.
She was also right when she said it wasn’t an easy life and there are days, many of them, that Jared wishes he wasn’t gifted. For example, he has an uncanny way of knowing when people are lying to him and even though people might think that is a good thing, it really isn’t. Take for example the day, at the age of sixteen, that he came out to his older brother. His parents and Meg already knew; Jeff was the only one left to tell.
He’d sat Jeff down in the living room and told him that he was gay. Jeff had blanched slightly and then he had shrugged and clasped Jared's shoulder, saying it was totally okay with him. Jared had smiled, telling Jeff how relieved he was and all the time he’d known Jeff was lying. It had hurt, having Jeff lying to his face about something that important, but at least Jeff had been trying, and that just made it worse.
“Hey, Spirit Boy. You coming out with us tonight?”
Jared looks up from the essay he’s revising at the sound of his roommate’s voice.
“Nah, I think I’m just gonna chill out here,” he answers.
Chad makes a face and plops himself down on Jared's bed. “Suit yourself, Paddywhack. Hanging out here ain’t gonna get your giant ass laid.”
Jared swivels his chair around and pins Chad with a look. “Well, looking at your luck, I would say going out ain’t exactly gonna get me laid, either.”
“Hey, I totally scored last week.”
“Lie.”
“Month.”
“Lie.”
“Year?”
Jared frowns and then he nods. “That sounds about right. Maybe you should stay home and work on your lame ass pick up lines instead.”
“Dude… I hate you.”
“Lie.”
Chad clamps his mouth shut and gives Jared a sourly look. “You’re no fun to hang with, you know that right?”
Jared just grins and arches an eyebrow.
“Not when you’re using your stupid powers for evil,” Chad grumps. “And that’s totally true.”
Jared laughs and turns back towards his desk. “I have to finish this anthropology essay, but I’m sure you will manage to get drunk and embarrass yourself without me.”
“You are such a kiss ass,” Chad grumbles. “The professor already loves your lanky ass, and you still polish your every essay into masterpieces worthy of the Pulitzer.”
Jared blushes a little. “I just want to do well, that’s all.”
“You just want Professor Morgan to bend you over his messy desk and fuck your virgin ass, that’s what you want.”
Jared blushes to the very tips of his ears. “I hate you,” he says.
“Lie,” Chad retorts and gets up from the bed. “If you change your mind, we’ll be at Steve's.”
“Okay.”
Jared spends another hour polishing up his essay, but it’s not as fun anymore. He even skips going through his books to find a fourth source to verify one of his more outrageous claims. Stupid Chad.
So he happens to think Professor Morgan is totally hot; that doesn’t mean he thinks that writing a kick ass essay will get the man into his pants.
Lie, his subconscious whispers to him and he groans, scrubbing his hands over his face.
Chad said once that maybe Jared was crushing on Jeff because he’s unobtainable, and Jared hates to admit it, but maybe Chad is right. The thought of putting himself out there scares the shit out of him. He tried that once and it ended with heartbreak and another dent put in his that weird Padalecki kid reputation.
No one around here calls him that, and Jared doesn’t want them to start. Sure, people knows he’s gay, but he’s generally well liked, people say hi to him in the corridors and Jared hasn’t had that since he was eight.
His cell phone thrills and he picks it up, looking at the display: Jeff.
“Hey,” he answers, saving his document one last time before turning his laptop off.
“Hey,” Jeff says. “How are you doing this fine Friday night?”
Jared can hear people talking in the background and figures Jeff is at some party.
“I’m fine,” he says, pushing back from the desk.
“Let me guess… Holed up in your room doing schoolwork, dressed in those dreadful grey sweats you seem to love so much.”
Jared looks down on himself and curses under his breath. It’s not the first time he wonders if maybe he’s not the only Padalecki kid with a touch of the gift.
“I’ll have you know I was just gonna hit the shower and go out,” Jared says, making a face as he pushes the sweats down his legs with one hand.
Jeff laughs. “I was so right and you know it. Where are you going?”
“Steve's,” Jared says. “Hang on a sec.”
He puts the phone down and pulls his navy t-shirt off before picking the phone up again.
“I’m back.”
“Steve's… Oh you mean the long haired, country bum you introduced me to the last time I was up for a visit.”
Jared makes a face at Jeff’s description, but since he’s essentially right, there is nothing to say, really. “He’s cool,” he says instead, grabbing a towel from his dresser and his toiletry bag before heading for the door.
“Never said he wasn’t,” Jeff says easily.
Jared smiles, pushing the door open and walking out in the corridor. “The way the two of you were chatting it up, I rather thought you were going to get married.”
Jeff laughs and Jared grins a little wider. Whatever issues Jeff once had with his baby brother being gay have disappeared by now, and Jared half expects him to start wearing a rainbow pin on his shirt.
“He’s not really my type,” Jeff says. “Besides, I’m pretty sure that Chris would have kicked my sorry ass into next week. Possessive little guy, ain’t he?”
“A little,” Jared admits.
The corridor is pretty much deserted as he makes his way towards the showers, and he supposes most people are already out having some Friday night fun. A couple of giggling girls spill out from a room further down the corridor and their giggles intensify when they spot him.
“Work it, Jared,” the shorter one, Sandy, shouts and he sways his hips a little for her, making her dissolve into laughter.
“Lame, Padalecki,” the other girl, Allison, says. “Show us some skin.”
Jared looks down his body and gives Allison an arched eyebrow. “I think I’m showing enough skin, thank you very much.”
“Is that Sandy?” Jeff asks, perking up. “Let me talk to her.”
Jared rolls his eyes and holds the phone out for Sandy. “Jeff wants to talk to you,” he says and grins when Sandy blushes almost crimson.
Allison snatches the phone out of his hand and he laughs when she starts interrogation Jeff as to his intentions, until Sandy manages to get the phone from her. Jeff and Sandy met on Jeff’s last visit and sparks were flying between them. He rolls his eyes when Sandy disappears into her room with his phone.
“Tell her to drop it off in my room when she’s done,” Jared says to Allison, who is watching him in a way that creeps him out a little.
“Seriously, Jared… Why don’t you have a boyfriend? You’re fucking smoking.”
Jared blushes down to his nipples and Allison smirks in an entirely too self-satisfied way.
“Bitch,” he mutters and takes off in the direction of the showers again.
“What was that?” she calls out from behind him. “I didn’t quite hear you.”
“I said you’re not too shabby yourself,” Jared answers over his shoulder and Allison laughs.
He smiles the rest of the way to the shower; it’s so nice to have friends again.
*
The gang is already gathered around a table when Jared shows up, and by the look of it, half way to drunk. Chad scoots over when Jared appears, patting the space beside him.
“Sit down, my friend, and join in the debauchery.”
Looking around, Jared can’t really see any debauchery going on, but he sits down anyway. He already knows the people sitting around the table. Mike is a senior and the current chairman of the LGBT club, his lover Tom is seated next to him wearing one edge of Mike's feathered boa around his neck. The two of them make an odd couple, Mike is pretty good looking, but he’s also more hyped than a ferret on crack. Tom is down right hot and so soft mannered, one might take him for dead.
Sophia is seated on Chad’s other side and, as usual, when Chad has had a few too many, Chad is hitting on her with gusto, not caring one bit that she is the secretary of the LGBT club and quite happy with her girlfriend Kate. Chris is watching the two of them from the other side of the table, opposite Jared, apparently waiting for the inevitable blow up.
“Hey guys,” Jared says.
Chris grins briefly at him, but no one else gives him any attention. He sighs and looks towards the bar where Steve is serving drinks alongside three different bartenders from the student ranks. It looks to be a busy night and people are crowding up to the bar, the background noise almost loud enough to drone out the country rock blaring from hidden speakers.
At the end of the bar there is a barstool that is always left empty. If anyone dares sit on it, Steve, Chris, the bartenders, or a regular is bound to come down on them like a ton of bricks. A note saying Taken lies on the seat and Jared has never seen anyone sit on it, until now. A guy is sitting there, elbows resting on the bar, but no one is paying him any attention. He’s got short, dirt blond hair and looks eerily like all the trouble of the world rests on his broad shoulders.
“Hey,” he says, turning towards Chris. “Who’s that guy sitting on the chair?”
Chris’s head whips around and he stares towards the bar. “What guy?”
Jared looks back and the chair is empty. “He’s gone now,” he says vaguely.
Chris presses his lips together. “Are you sure you saw someone?”
“I thought I did, but he must have just been standing next to it or something.”
Jared keeps his eyes trained on the empty chair, but he can’t see the guy anywhere around it. Chris huffs and turns back towards Chad and Sophia. Jared almost opens his mouth to ask about the chair, but both Steve and Chris have made it pretty damned obvious they don’t want to talk about it. There are a million different rumours about it floating around, ranging from mundane to outrageous, but so far none of the ones Jared has heard rings true.
Besides, even though he helps out at the bar sometimes, it’s not like he really knows Steve or Chris, they only started going to the bar a few months ago and the chair was already there by then. Jared half suspects it’s just a joke, something to create a little mystery, but he’s not sure. He tried touching the chair once, but got nothing except for a very fleeting image of dark green eyes.
Throughout the evening that turns out to be quite nice and relaxing, a well deserved break from his studies, Jared sees the mystery guy a few more times. He’s always standing a little to the side of things, looking lost and alone, despite being the hottest guy Jared ever laid his eyes on. His dirty blond hair is streaked by the sun and messed up in a way that makes Jared think about sex.
He’s got a pale golden tan and what looks to be freckles across the bridge of his nose. He’s pretty tall, at least over six feet, and he’s got a good body on him as well. It’s the pretty pink lips and bedroom-eyes that really draws the eye, yet Jared seems to be the only one even noticing him.
As the hour grows late, Jared finds himself scanning the crowd for the mystery guy, a few beers having given him enough courage to maybe even strike up a conversation - anyone that looks that lost and alone ought to be approachable. He wonders if maybe Steve told him off for sitting on the forbidden chair and that is why he looks so sad, or maybe he was stood up, even though Jared can’t think of a single reason anyone would stand someone that gorgeous up.
Around one a.m., when the others start talking about hitting a club, he excuses himself and heads out. He’s had a good time so far, and he doesn’t want to ruin his good mood by heading to some obnoxiously trendy club where people will frown at his simple jeans and t-shirt. The night has turned chilly while he was in the club, and he unties the hoodie he’s got tied around his hips and puts it on.
He spots the mystery man again, leaning against the brick wall of the bar with a cigarette between his pouty lips. The man looks up and spots him, a faint smile lingering on his lips.
“You know,” he says conversationally as Jared moves closer, “if I had spotted something as hot as you in there a few months ago, I would have had your cock down my throat before you even thought to ask for my name.”
Jared blinks, a red-hot blush spreading over his face. “Excuse me?” he more or less squeaks.
The guy starts, dropping his cigarette on the ground. “You can hear me?”
Jared frowns. “Uh… Yeah.”
Now it’s the guy’s turn to blink and blush a little. “For real?”
“Yeah.”
The guy suddenly pushes away from the wall and reaches out to put his hand on Jared's arm - it goes right through. They both look for a while at Jared's still very solid arm and the guy does it again.
“Oh well,” he says with a happy smile. “Two out of three ain’t so bad. My name is Jensen, and I’m very pleased to meet you.”
*
Jensen is, Jared soon decides, a royal pain in the ass. Since Jared is the only one who can actually hear him, Jensen has taken to following Jared around everywhere he goes, chatting up a storm. He’s not like any other ghost Jared has ever met. First of all, he doesn’t seem to want to move on and when Jared reaches out for him, he can’t find the door in his mind to push him through to the other side.
Second, he doesn’t give off the chills, and when Jensen walks through him Jared doesn’t feel cold, but rather warm and a little horny, which is very disconcerting. Thirdly, Jensen's got a dirty mouth on him and he has a knack for making comments in very inopportune moments. And last but not least, Jensen has no shame; he literally follows Jared everywhere, which includes the bathroom and the shower.
“I don’t get it,” Jensen says one day when they are heading out of Professor Morgan’s classroom.
Jensen showed up half way through the class, sitting next to Jared on the floor, commenting on everything from Professor Morgan’s choice of shirt to the way the girl three rows over kept showing her panties. If Jared could, he would have throttled his disrespectful ass - as it was, he just ignored him.
“Get what?” Jared hisses after casting furtive glances around. He’s gotten weird looks more than once for talking to Jensen in public, and he so does not want to be that odd Padalecki kid again.
“What you see in that man… He’s old and gross.”
Jared shoots Jensen an exasperated look. “He’s so not.”
Jensen makes a face that would be cute if he hadn’t been so annoying. “Is too… Besides, you don’t wanna get involved with a guy like him. Good looking enough to get his pick of students and teachers both… he’s bound to be an asshat.”
“I thought you said he was old and gross.”
“Who are you talking to?” a familiar voice says behind Jared, and he spins around with a miserable blush.
“No one, Professor,” he says, just barely restraining himself from glaring at Jensen.
“You know what you should do?” Jensen asks, moving to stand beside Professor Morgan. “You should get a headset, or a hands free, that way you can claim to be on the phone.”
Jared grits his teeth and ignores him. Professor Morgan smiles. “Anyway, Jared, I wanted to talk to you after class, but you disappeared so quickly. Maybe you’d have time to come around my office later.”
“Yes, of course,” Jared says, trying to not sound too eager.
“Don’t do it,” Jensen says with a frown. “Asshat.”
“Maybe around seven? I have a staff meeting and some reports to finish.”
“Okay.”
“Good. See you then.”
Jared looks after the professor until Jensen steps into his line of vision. “What are you? An idiot? The guy is playing you, looking for cheap sex, and you’re just walking right into his neatly set trap.”
“Maybe I don’t mind,” Jared hisses furiously.
Jensen blinks. “If you think that… maybe you don’t know yourself as well as you think.”
“And you do?”
Jensen shrugs. “I know you well enough to know that cheap sex is just going to make you feel dirty. You are so the flowers and chocolate type.”
“Shut up,” Jared says, glaring at him. “Shut up and leave me the fuck alone.”
Jensen disappears after that and Jared tells himself he’s relieved. He doesn’t really want Jensen hanging around all the time; the guy is such an annoyance. A small part of him wonders where Jensen takes off to, but he kind of figures he goes around campus peeping on people and making rude comments that no one can hear. He presses down the tiny amount of guilt he feels at that thought, it’s not his duty to keep Jensen entertained at all times of the day.
*
Jared is nervous when he walks up to Professor Morgan’s office later that night, nervous and a little queasy. It took him forever to decide on something to wear, only to go with the same clothes he’d been wearing all day in the end. He didn’t want to seem too eager, or like this was a date or something. For all he knew, maybe Professor Morgan had a legitimate reason to want to talk to him.
He knocks lightly on the door and pushes it open when someone yells for him to come in from the other side. Professor Morgan’s office is unbelievably cluttered, books and papers stacked everywhere, together with various odd bits and pieces he had found during his travels. It’s been a while since Jared was last in here, but nothing has really changed.
“Ah, Jared,” Professor Morgan says, looking up from a paper clutched between his fingers. “I’m so glad you could make it.”
Jared smiles a little, the air around him suddenly feeling thick and heavy. “Thank you, Professor.”
“I came to wonder the other day, you see, if you were maybe related to Marya Padalecki, the medium?”
Jared swallows thickly, sweat prickling at the back of his neck. “She’s my grandmother.”
Professor Morgan has made it clear in his lectures that he does not believe in the supernatural and Jared has been letting it slide, because so many people don’t.
Professor Morgan purses his lips. “I’ve been trying to get in touch with her, because I find her life interesting and would like to immortalize it in my next book. You know, the supernatural world seen out of the eyes of someone who clearly believes.”
Jared stiffens slightly, anger flaring up within him. “She doesn’t give interviews,” he says hollowly.
“I know.” Professor Morgan turns his comfortable leather chair around to face Jared and purses his lips. “That’s why I am talking to you.”
Jared's eyes narrow, but he doesn’t say anything - he feels sick.
“I was thinking maybe you’d put me in touch with her, negotiate my case. There would, of course, be… benefits.”
Professor Morgan shifts his feet, spreading his legs slightly and Jared wrenches his gaze away, feeling like a world-class idiot.
“I’m sorry, Professor Morgan, I can’t help you there,” he says, the respectful words turning to ashes in his mouth. “My grandma was always a very headstrong woman and if she doesn’t want to talk to you, there is nothing I can do to change her mind.”
“I can’t see why she won’t even talk to me. I just want to do her a favor, really.”
Jared can see the lie like a cloud surrounding Professor Morgan’s face and he swallows against the bile rising in his throat.
“You don’t want to do her any favors,” he says harshly. “You want to use her to make your point, and your point won’t be that there really is such a thing as ghosts, and if you could bag her naïve grandson and your star student along the way, all the more kudos to you, right?”
Professor Morgan blinks. “Now, Jared…”
“Don’t you ‘now, Jared’ me. I won’t help you ridicule my grandmother and I will not sleep with your sorry ass. Was there anything more you wanted?”
Jared can’t help but to grin at the sound of clapping coming from behind him, even though he’s shivering inside. The professor shakes his head and makes a vague gesture towards the door. Jared turns towards it holding himself stiffly.
“I’m sorry,” Professor Morgan says behind him and when Jared glances at him over his shoulder, he looks older than his year, face pale and furrowed.
“You should be,” Jared says before walking out and slamming the door behind him.
“I think I love you,” Jensen exclaims gleefully from behind him. “Seriously, I didn’t know you had it in you.”
Jared glances at him, giving him a wry smile. “I’ve never been so embarrassed in my entire life.”
Jensen grins brightly. “But blushing looks so good on you, baby.”
Jared snorts and pointedly ignores him as he starts walking down the corridor, Jensen trailing after him, re-telling the best parts of Jared's performance as if Jared hadn’t been there.
*
One night a couple of weeks after the Professor Morgan incident, Jared’s lying on his bed talking to Jensen, who’s sitting cross-legged on Jared's desk, when Chad walks in. Jared stops talking mid-sentence and Chad gives him an odd look.
“Okay… Jay-bird… I haven’t brought this up because I kinda like your sorry ass, but you’re starting to freak me out here. Who the fuck are you talking to all the time?”
Jared sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I don’t know what you mean,” he tries, knowing that it’s not going to fool Chad in the slightest.
“Don’t give me that… For a while there I almost believed your whole, ‘I’m talking in my handfree,’ act, but right now, you’re not even wearing the damned thing.” Chad closes the door firmly behind him and leans against the wall, staring at Jared. “If you’re going crazy, man, you’re obligated to tell me.”
Jared laughs. “I’m not going crazy, okay? It’s just… Jensen, is there any way you could show yourself to Chad?”
Jensen hops up from the desk and moves closer to where Chad is standing, looking a little wild.
“You mean there’s a ghost here?” he squeaks.
“Uh…” Jared makes a face. “Yeah.”
Jensen positions himself between Jared and Chad, with his back to Jared.
“Where is it?” Chad asks, his eyes flittering back and forth.
“Right in front of you.”
Chad stiffens, staring straight forward. “I can’t see it.”
“Jen?”
“I’m trying,” Jensen says, sounding annoyed. “But it’s really fucking hard. Besides, I never met anyone that could see me before you.”
Chad blinks and then suddenly his eyes go way wide. “Jesus,” he whispers, making the cross sign rapidly.
Jensen laughs like it’s the funniest thing in the world, bouncing on his heels.
“He can see me, can he?”
Chad tilts his head to the side, reaching a tentative hand out towards Jensen, and then he stiffens.
“He disappeared,” he says weakly.
“He’s still there,” Jared says with a shrug. “But it’s hard work for him, trying to make himself visible.”
Jensen turns around and bounces over to Jared's bed, sitting down on the edge. Jared imagines he can feel the bed dip for a moment.
“So you mean I’ve been sharing this room with a ghost for weeks?”
Jared licks his lips and then nods.
“I need a drink,” Chad says and quickly disappears out the door.
Jared wants to yell “don’t tell anyone” after him, but doesn’t. Chad has been keeping his mouth shut about Jared's abilities this far, Jared hardly thinks he’s gonna spill the whole sordid story now.
“He could see me,” Jensen says, bouncing on the bed. “He could see me. Hey…” He turns around, pinning Jared with a look. “Do you think if I tried really hard that I could show myself to my parents?”
Jared blinks. They never really talked about how Jensen died, or how long ago. “They’re still alive?”
“Uh… yeah,” Jensen says.
“Oh… Well… Maybe you could, but chances are you’d just freak them out.”
“Why did you think my parents were dead?” Jensen asks, looking honestly curious.
Jared shrugs. “I just assumed, but I don’t really know for how long you’ve been dead…”
Jensen suddenly starts laughing, deep and rich, the sound vibrating through Jared's body in a not fully uncomfortable way.
“What?” he asks in confusion.
“I’m not dead,” Jensen says with a grin. “What made you think I was dead?”
“You’re a ghost… I just…”
Jensen laughs again, wiping the back of his hand over his eyes. “Tomorrow after classes I’ll take you to see me. It could be fun.”
Jared’s got a million questions backing up on his tongue, but suddenly Jensen just disappears and Jared is alone. Jensen's alive? As in, not dead? He can’t really wrap his mind around it. If Jensen's alive, then what is he doing walking around without his body?
*
“Turn right here,” Jensen says, pointing towards the next crossroad.
Jared tightens his hold on the wheel and follows the instruction, like he’s been doing for the last hour.
“There it is,” Jensen says, sounding pleased and Jared follows his gaze to an ordinary sprawling brick house, with the words Everest Convalescence Home on an ornate sign above the gates.
Jared makes a left turn and parks the car in the visitors’ parking lot, turning the ignition off and just staring, like the pale red of the bricks holds all the answers to his questions. The house looks nice enough, a big one-story building with lots of windows shaded by a multitude of trees.
“Come on,” Jensen says, sounding excited. “If anyone asks, just say you’re my boyfriend.”
Jared blushes. “I can’t tell people that.”
“Of course you can. It’s room 204. If it’s okay with you, I’ll wait outside for a moment.”
“You’re not coming with me?”
Jensen looks a bit nervous for the first time. “I’ll be there in a minute, okay?”
“Okay,” Jared says, getting out of the car.
His palms are sweating as he makes his way towards the door and he wipes them on his thighs. He walks into a nice looking reception area, the cool of refrigerated air making him shiver after the heat outside.
“Can I help you?” the nice looking woman behind the reception desk asks him.
“I’m looking for room 204,” Jared says, hoping his voice doesn’t betray his nervousness.
“It’s just down the hall to the right,” she says with a sweet smile. “Jensen sure does seem to have a lot of friends.
Jared smiles weakly. “Indeed.”
As he makes his way down the corridor towards Jensen's room, the antiseptic smell tickles his nose and his heart beats way too fast. He wonders if maybe he should have brought something, even though Jensen said he shouldn’t. Room 204 is easy to find and Jared hesitates for the longest of whiles before he pushes the door open.
The room is empty except for the pale form lying in a bed next to the window. There are flowers on every available surface in the room and Jared's nose is assaulted by the thick flowery smell.
“Jensen,” he whispers, slowly moving closer to the bed.
His heart trips when he recognizes the pale face of his favorite ghost on the body in the bed. A chair is pulled up to the bed so he plops down in it, reaching out and putting his hand over Jensen's, resting on pristine sheets. He half expects Jensen's hand to be cold, but it isn’t, and he draws a trembling breath. When he looks closer, he can see Jensen's chest rising and falling slowly in time with his breaths, and he just feels like crying.
“I don’t think I ever told you how beautiful you are,” he whispers, afraid to break the solemn silence of the room. “But you are.”
He squeezes Jensen's hand lightly, his heart beating triple time. He can’t believe he’s really holding Jensen's hand, that Jensen is still alive, breathing on his own. All those things he’s been trying to ignore for the last few weeks come crashing down on him. How Jensen's laugh makes him vibrate inside, how just one smile is enough to light up his day, how much he’s come to rely on Jensen's bitchy comments and lack of tact. How easily he’s gotten used to Jensen's constant presence, and how he can’t stop looking after him when he’s not around.
Sitting there, holding the hand of Jensen's prone body, he finally admits to himself that he’s gone and fallen in love with a ghost, and it feels so good to finally be able to touch him. He slides his hand up and down Jensen's arm, making the fine blond hairs stand on edge and smoothing them back again. The door behind him opens and before Jared has time to react, someone is pulling him out of the chair by the back of his shirt.
“Just who the fuck are you?”
Jared looks down on the man who just accosted him, licking his lips nervously.
“I’m Jensen's boyfriend,” he says, feeling like a complete fake.
“Boyfriend,” the guy sneers and pushes Jared away from the bed. “It’s funny I haven’t seen you around before.”
Jared licks his lips. “I’ve been here a few times,” he says. “It’s just… It’s so hard seeing him like this.”
The guy makes a face and suddenly Jared can see the family likeness. He must have just outed himself and Jensen to Jensen's older brother.
“You know, the day Jensen told me he was gay was the worst fucking day of my life,” the guy says, glancing towards the bed. “My baby brother a fucking fag, you know.”
Jared presses his lips together, hoping that Jensen decides to take a few more minutes outside.
“But, I learned to live with it, calling him every now and then, keeping tabs on him, and strangely he never told me anything about you.”
Jared narrows his eyes. “Did you ever ask? Or did you think calling for idle chit-chat was the same thing as showing him support? Did you ever think of visiting him before he ended up like this, or were you happy just to know he was still alive and well, doing God knows what? Would you have listened if he called you in tears after some guy broke his heart, or would you have hung up, not wanting to hear about his faggoty ways?”
“Who the fuck are you to come here and lecture me when my brother’s in a fucking a coma?”
“I’m his boyfriend and I know how hard it was for him that you didn’t really accept him, that you forced him to pretend to be something else, just to be loved by his own fucking family.”
The guy’s eyes almost bulge out of his head and he furiously points his hand towards the door. “You leave now, before I kick your sorry ass, and if I ever see you here again…”
“You’re gonna what? Hit me? Way to show support for your brother’s choice of lifestyle.” Jared moves towards the door, but pauses with his hand on the door handle. “You know… However much you ignore it, Jensen is always going to be gay and one day, if he wakes up, he might want to take his partner home to meet you… I hope this is not how you’re going to behave then, because it will break his heart.”
Jared pulls the door open and walks out without looking back. He’s shivering inside, scared and angry in an even mix. What the fuck did he just do?
*
Over the course of the next few days, Jensen makes him repeat his argument with Josh over and over like it’s the funniest fucking thing in the world. Jared sullenly retells the story over and over, wondering why Jensen is taking such delight in it. He can’t stop thinking about Jensen in that hospital bed, and how good it felt to finally touch him, until he doesn’t know up from down anymore.
“Tell me about the fight again,” Jensen says one night as Jared is getting ready to go out with Chad and the gang.
“Jesus Christ, Jensen, I’ve recited the damn thing so many times you know it by heart,” Jared growls. “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel like doing it again.”
Jensen doesn’t answer and when Jared turns to look at him, he’s looking down on his hands.
“They talk to me, you know, when they sit by the bed, and in the beginning I had nothing better to do than hang around trying to come up with a way to get back into my body. They are all so remorseful… taking back every harsh word they ever said, promising me they’ll change if I just wake up, but… They said some horrible things, mom, dad and Josh, when I came out to them. Josh at least has been trying, but as you pointed out, he hasn’t really and I just wanted it to be true… I just wanted to think that if I woke up, things would really be different. I would have my brother back and my parents… I wouldn’t be… I don’t know.”
Jared squeezes his eyes shut against the sudden burn and sighs. “I’m sorry,” he says. “And coming out is never easy. I’m sure they’ll try harder once you wake up.”
“Yeah.” Jensen sighs, too. “If I ever do.”
“Of course you will,” Jared says, holding two t-shirts up, wondering which one to wear with his jeans.
“Turn around,” Jensen says from the bed, and Jared dutifully turns towards him and holds the shirts up to his body.
Jensen purses his lips and looks Jared up and down. “It’s such a shame to cover that up with anything, but I like the blue one best.”
Jared blushes a little and hurriedly pulls the blue one on.
“Nice,” Jensen says, nodding to himself. “Very nice.”
“Thanks,” Jared says, swallowing thickly.
He wants to ask Jensen if he’s someone Jensen would go for if he wasn’t currently incapable, but he can’t think of a way to say it that doesn’t reveal how gigantic a dork he is.
“Uh…” he says, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Would it be okay if I went to visit you tomorrow?”
Jensen blinks. “You want to visit me?”
“Yeah… I… I hang out with you all the time, so I kinda want to pay my respect to your body, or something.”
Jensen laughs. “Dork. You totally have the hots for me.”
Jared blushes miserably and looks down on his feet. “Would that be so bad?”
Jensen doesn’t answer and when Jared looks up, he’s gone. Apparently it would be so bad.
*
Jared feels all wrong when he walks into Steve's, like he’s not comfortable in his own skin. He glances towards the bar and the scowl on Steve's face when he spots him makes Jared stop dead in his tracks. Was he supposed to work tonight or something? Then Chris comes walking up to him and he doesn’t look any happier, so Jared tenses up, licking his lips.
“Backroom,” Chris says icily. “Now.”
“What…”
“Now.”
Jared flinches and follows Chris as he takes off through the crowd. He looks around wildly, spotting Chad and the others at their usual table. Chad gives him a look that Jared can’t decipher and Jared mouths help at him. Then Chris is holding the door to the backroom open and Jared reluctantly walks through. Steve slips in before Chris slams the door shut and Jared bites his lip nervously.
“You’re cute when you do that,” Jensen says and Jared twitches, looking around until he spots Jensen sitting in one of the comfy chairs where the bartenders can rest their tired feet during breaks.
It makes him feel slightly better to know that Jensen is there, and yay, Jensen thinks he’s cute.
“Tell me, Jared,” Chris says, leaning again the door with his arms crossed over his chest. “How long have you known us?”
Jared blinks. “A few months… Four maybe?”
“Close to five, actually,” Steve says.
Jared looks from one to the other, wondering if this is a good cop, bad cop set up and what the fuck he did wrong.
“And during these five months, have we not been good friends to you?”
“Uh…” Jared swallows. “Yeah… sure.”
“I love it when they do this,” Jensen says from behind him. “Well, not so much when it’s aimed at me… but they are pretty good performers, don’t you think?”
“Fuck,” Jared says, spinning around and pinning Jensen with a glare.
“What?” Both Steve and Chris say behind him.
“Heee,” Jensen says, clapping his hands in delight. “You’re gonna have to tell them now.”
“Fuck you!”
“Don’t you wish you could.” Jensen looks entirely too smug and Jared growls a little at him, because yeah, he totally does.
He spins back towards Steve and Chris, ignoring Jensen's smug ass for the time being and fixes them both with a glare.
“I’m psychic, or what you might call a medium. I see dead people walking around like normal people, and apparently also comatose people, even though I’m pretty sure they don’t normally do that. I assume this has something to do with me telling Jensen's brother he’s my boyfriend, and you’re rightfully upset because as far as you know, I never even met Jensen, but believe me I have and this was all his bright idea. I can’t really say I appreciate his way of turning my life into an angst-ridden teenage soap opera, but I do appreciate his constant presence in my life. You can chose to believe me, or not, at this point I don’t really care, but I am NOT getting told off about this one more time.”
“Jesus, Jared,” Jensen says, walking right through him to stand before Steve and Chris. “You get me all hot and bothered when you talk like that.”
Steve and Chris are both just gaping at him, mouths hanging open in pure shock.
“If you’re interested, Jensen is standing right in front of you now and if you focus real hard, you might actually see him,” Jared says, pressing his lips together.
Steve and Chris both squint at the empty air before them until Steve's eyes suddenly go comically wide.
“Hot damn,” he whispers, a smile slowly spreading over his face. “Jensen, man… I fucking missed you.”
Jensen laughs, bouncing on his heels again.
“I can’t see him,” Chris whines.
“Just turn your head slightly to the right… Like this.”
Steve cups Chris's jaw with one of his hands, turning Chris's head until he’s looking at Jensen from the corner of his eye.
“Shit,” he says, paling slightly. “Jesus Fucking Christ.”
Jensen is practically vibrating with glee and Jared wishes he could touch him, ground him.
“Tell them they still look like fucking dorks and Chris could really use a fucking haircut.”
“You still look like fucking dorks,” Jared says. “And Chris, you could really use a fucking haircut.”
“No way,” Steve says. “I need something to grab onto when he’s blowing me.”
Jensen laughs, big and happy and Jared realizes these are his real friends; the people he would hang out with if Jared's company wasn’t forced on him. He’d be that odd guy on the outside looking in, pining stupidly after Jensen's delicious ass. Chris would say something like: ’That odd Padalecki kid is staring at you again’ and Jensen would answer: ’I know… I blew the guy once and now he thinks he’s my fucking boyfriend.’
“I can’t see him anymore,” Steve says after a few seconds. “Is he still there?”
“Oh yeah,” Jared says. “But it’s hard for him to stay visible to you.”
“But we can still talk to him… through you?” Chris asks and Jared nods slowly.
This is what he does, he helps spirits to find their way to the other side and he lets them communicate with their loved ones. Sure, it’s been a while, but he used to do it all the time back in San Antonio. And still he’d rather do anything than let Jensen reconnect with his buddies - he’s such a bad person.
They end up spending most of the night in the backroom, drinking beer and talking animatedly. Jared is doing most of the talking, but none of what he’s saying comes from him. It’s oddly like he’s not even there and he suddenly realizes how Jensen feels most of the time. When dawn breaks outside Jensen is the one that finally notices that Jared is pretty much asleep in his seat, retelling Jensen's words without even realizing what he’s saying.
They break up shortly after that and Jared trudges back to the dorms, fighting to keep awake long enough to make it. Jensen left as soon as he walked out of the bar and for some stupid reason he feels used, like his only value is that of being Jensen's voice. Jensen, Chris and Steve are all effortlessly cool, probably have been for most of their lives and Jared isn’t like that. He felt like a fool the first time Chris struck up a conversation with him, stuttering and waiting for the inevitable ridicule.
It didn’t happen, and over the months since then he’s started thinking of Chris and Steve as friends. Not really good friends, but friends nonetheless. This night, though, made him realize they are nothing of the sorts, they’ve just been kind enough to let him think it, and he once again feels like that weird Padalecki kid and he hasn’t felt like that in ages.
Part Two
Author: jeyhawk
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC17
Wordcount: ~ 13 000
Beta: ames1010. I love you babe! You rock my world.
Original Prompt:
Kiss and Dwell
Monique Vicknair has a secret-she's a medium, dedicated to helping spirits cross to the other side. Unfortunately, she's been so busy, she hasn't taken care of her own earthly needs. And it's been a long, long time. So when she meets recently deceased-but oh-so-sexy-Ryan Chappelle, she's more than ready for a fling. Even if it is with a ghost!
Ryan is no stranger to the pleasures of a woman's body, and his death hasn't changed that. But he's never wanted anyone the way he wants Monique. So he's refusing to leave this world until he makes love to her. And if he has to break all the laws of heaven and earth to do it, he will. Again and again and again…
Notes: Written for spn_harlequin. Not brutally true to the prompt but Jared is a medium and Jensen a ghost... that counts, right? :0P I wanna thank all the usual suspects and I hope you people like it. Also... the title has very little to do with the fic. It's a country song title. FTW!
The first time Jared saw a ghost, he was seven years old. His older brother Jeff, ever the caring one, dared him to go into the neighborhood haunted house alone, and Jared had never been one to back down on a dare. The house was old and hadn’t been occupied for at least ten years; debris was cluttered in the corners and it smelled like mildew.
Neighborhood kids had been coming there for years, daring each other to step into its cold, dank depths and all of them swore they had seen, or felt, something. Graffiti covered the walls and the windows had long since been blocked up. The front door hung loose on its hinges, having been broken up too many times and the police had stopped trying to keep the place from being vandalized when it became clear the current owner didn’t care what happened to it.
Parents warned their kids about going into the place, a lot more concerned with loose floorboards than ghosts, though. Jared had heard all the stories and seen the pale faces of kids twice as old as him when they retold their stories of the house, but when he walks up the rickety front steps and pushes the door open, he isn’t scared. The door comes open easily, creaking on rusty hinges and he casts one last look over his shoulder to Jeff’s grinning face before walking in.
It’s dark in the hallway and there are crude drawings on the walls. Jared pauses to look at them for a moment, frowning at something that looks like a nasty flesh eating flower with the words eat my pussy above. Why anyone would want someone to eat his cat is beyond Jared, so he walks further into the house.
He wishes he’d brought a flashlight. He’s not scared of the dark, but he’s afraid he’ll trip and break his arm again like he did last year. It had been fun to see what people wrote on his cast, and the fact that he got all the candy he wanted for a couple of days, but the pain hadn’t been very fun, or the nasty itch that he couldn’t reach to scratch.
It’s cold in the house, way colder than it should be in the middle of a Texas summer without the hum of an AC. In the dim light he can see his breath turning to mist and he rubs his bare arms, the fine hair on his body standing on edge. He walks a few steps forward, keeping his eyes trained on the filthy floor, and when he looks up again there is a girl standing before him.
She looks to be about his age, wearing a dirty, torn sundress. Her clothes aren’t the worst part, though, it’s the bleeding hole in her chest. Jared sucks in a breath, reaching out towards her flickering frame.
“Help me,” she whispers and Jared doesn’t as much hear it as the words just appear in his head.
He swallows. “I don’t know how,” he says.
She lifts her hand, reaching out for him. “Help me.”
He licks his lips, wanting to tell her that he is just seven years old and even though his grandma says he’s old for his age, he still doesn’t know how to help someone that has a huge gaping hole in her chest. Dimly, he hears Jeff call out for him and he answers, keeping his eyes trained on the girl.
There is a sound behind him and Jared looks back, seeing Jeff in the doorway. Suddenly the sweltering heat of summer pours back into the room and when he looks back, the girl is gone.
“You okay?” Jeff asks, trying to sound casual, even though the sound of worried big brother is slipping through.
“Yeah,” Jared says, looking around the room one last time before turning towards his brother. “But this place smells funny.”
Jeff laughs. “Come along, big shot. I’ll buy you an ice cream.”
Jared eagerly follows him out of the house, the girl almost forgotten in the face of an ice cream. Jeff asks him if he saw something in there and not really knowing why, Jared shakes his head. In a way, he would love to brag to his brother that he saw a ghost, but he feels bad because he couldn’t help her. He decides to talk to his grandma about it, because Grandma Padalecki knows about these things.
*
As it is, Jared almost forgets about the ghost before he gets the time to talk to his grandma. She’s busy and he’s caught up in the great flurry of summer and the momentous occasion of his eighth birthday. He has a party with lots of candy and cake out in the yard, and all the kids of the ‘hood are invited.
After the party, though, his grandma comes by to congratulate him, sitting with him on the back porch, looking at the twinkling stars. She looks a little sad and Jared hugs her with one arm, leaning his head against her bony shoulder.
“What’s wrong, Grandma?” he asks.
“It’s nothing you would understand, little one,” she answers, her dark eyes staring blindly up at the sky.
“Try me,” he says, because he’s eight now and his grandma never treated him like a kid before.
She chuckles and turns to look at him, ruffling his hair. He ducks out of the touch and frowns at her.
“It’s just… you know how I see things that other people don’t?”
“Yes, of course,” Jared says, because everyone knows that. His grandma is a medium and people come to her to talk to people that are dead and stuff.
“Well… I thought for sure you had the gift, too,” she says. “But if it doesn’t manifest before your eight birthday, you don’t have it.”
“Manifests?” Jared crinkles his nose; sometimes his grandma talks funny.
“Shows itself.”
“Oh.”
“It doesn’t matter,” his grandma says when she sees the frown on his face. “It’s not the easiest path of life. I shouldn’t have wished it for you.”
“How would I know that it showed itself?” Jared asks, thinking about the girl with a hole in her chest.
“You’d see them. Hear them. Sometimes, maybe, you’d dream dreams that come true, or see glimpses of the future. It’s different for everyone.”
Jared nods, wanting to tell her about the girl, but not knowing how. He doesn’t want his grandma to think he’s making it up just to please her.
“What would I do if I saw a ghost then?”
His grandma gives him a straight forward look, one of the feared Nanna Padalecki looks that sees right through him, and then she smiles.
“You’d try to help it find its way to the other side. Ghosts are generally souls that are trapped on this plane, looking for a way to move on. Pain and confusion made them miss their chance when it came and now they are lost in a world where no one can see them.”
“But how do you do that? Is there, like, a door?”
She chuckles, bumping his shoulder with her own. “Yes, there is. In here.” She taps his forehead with a finger. “But only you would know how to open it.”
“But…”
“That’s enough, Jared,” she says softly. “We’ll talk more about this later. You should be in bed already.”
Jared pouts, but he knows that she is right and it’s always better to go to bed voluntarily than to be forced.
“Night, Nanna,” he says, pressing a kiss to her smooth cheek. “I’ll see you another day.”
“Don’t forget to brush your teeth,” she calls to his retreating back.
“I won’t,” he promises.
*
Two days later, Jared takes his bicycle up to the haunted house, leaving his bike in the grass and walking up to the house. He looks up at the peeled paint of the façade and the boarded up windows, thinking it must have been a pretty house once. Squaring his shoulders, he walks up the front steps and opens the door. It looks the same as it did last time he visited, and he quickly moves through the hall and into the room beyond where he met the girl last time.
She’s not there now, though, and the air isn’t cold like it was last time. It’s a bit chilly and it smells damp and a bit like pee. Jared crinkles his nose, walking further into the room, pulling the flashlight he remembered to bring out of his pocket and turning it on. He swivels the light around, over the filthy floor and the dirty walls.
There is very little furniture left, just a few shelves along one wall and what looks like a three-legged kitchen chair knocked over on the floor. A disgusting looking mattress lies against one wall and he wonders if maybe someone used to live here.
“Hello,” he calls out, his voice sounding small in the emptiness of the house. He’s not exactly scared, but he’s feeling nervous, the skin on the back of his neck prickling uncomfortably.
No one answers, and he takes a few steps forward towards a door at the other side of the room that is gaping open. His tiny flashlight can’t penetrate the dark on the other side and he frowns. He remembers his mother telling him that the old house is dangerous and he really doesn’t want to disappoint her by hurting himself.
Suddenly the airs grow colder and he stops dead in his tracks. The girl flickers into view before him, still wearing the same torn dress and a gaping hole in her chest. Jared feels a little nauseous looking at it, so he raises his eyes to her face, and she’s crying.
“You can’t be here,” she wails. “He’s coming, he’s gonna get you, too.”
“Who’s coming?” Jared asks, the first tendrils of real fear making his heart quicken.
“He is,” she says and dissolves into tears.
She disappears from view, but he can still hear her sobbing. His flashlight flickers and then goes out, casting the room into darkness. Slowly, he starts inching back the way he came, his eyes darting around the room. The place feels different, not like it did the last time he was there.
He gasps when a shadow comes hurtling towards him from across the room. It’s vaguely man-shaped, but flickering wildly like it can’t remember what it used to look like. Jared raises a hand to ward it off with a fearful little cry. The thing runs up to him, reaching claw like hands out for his face and then it connects with his outstretched hand.
A shockwave of icy cold goes through Jared's body and he screams wordlessly, crumbling down to his knees on the uneven floor. Inside his head, he can feel the door that his grandma talked about and somehow he forces it to open up, letting the spirit move through him. With a last flicker of icy cold, it’s over and he falls to the floor panting.
He feels like he’s been running really, really fast for a really long time, his heart struggling to keep up with his painfully gasped breaths.
“He’s gone now,” the girl says and suddenly the room around him changes into a sun-drenched living room.
He breathes a little easier and pushes himself up into sitting position. “What was that?” he asks.
The girl appears before him, her dress no longer torn and the hole in her chest is gone. She’s smiling, her long dark hair braided neatly at her ears.
“You saved me,” she says, crouching down by Jared's side. “Now you have to show me the way.”
Jared swallows, trying to find that door inside, but it seems to be closed again. “I don’t know how,” he says looking down on his hands, noting that a huge bruise is covering his right palm.
He never had a bruised palm before and he slowly flexes his fingers, wincing at the pain.
“Yes, you do,” she says, placing one of her hands on his clammy forehead.
Suddenly, he knows what to do and he opens the door in his mind again. Her eyes sparkle with joy and she bends forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek with her icy lips, before she suddenly dissolves into light. The room shifts and changes around him and he is once again back in the room where he started.
“Girl cooties,” he says with a frown, brushing the back of his hand over his cheek.
His flashlight flickers to life again on the floor and he crawls over, picking it up. He feels weak, like the first time he got out of bed after catching mono last summer.
“Jared, are you in there?”
“Nanna?”
Jared turns towards the door and a wave of relief flows through him when he sees his grandma’s familiar form in the doorway.
“Silly boy,” she says harshly, walking over to him and crouching down. “Silly, stupid boy.”
Jared is about to protest when she suddenly pulls him into a too tight hug that smells faintly like honey.
“Are you hurt?” she asks, her lips against his hair. “Please talk to me.”
“I’m fine,” he says, burying his nose in the crook of her neck.
She easily hoists him up into her arms and carries him out of the house.
“Put me down,” he protests when they get out into the sunlight and she does as he says, pulling herself up to her full height of almost six feet to look down on him.
“Now what on earth were you thinking, Jared Padalecki, going up against that thing all by yourself?”
Jared blinks. “I wasn’t…”
She suddenly grins brighter than the sun. “You got the gift alright,” she says. “And it’s way stronger than mine ever was. I couldn’t take that thing. I tried once and it almost got me killed.”
Jared frowns, it’s not like he did something special, but grandma’s smile is so blinding he finds himself smiling, too, figuring he did well. She offers him her hand and he takes it, walking slowly next to her down the driveway, forgetting all about his bike lying in the grass. There is the promise of cookies and milk in the future, and the world is looking brighter all of a sudden.
~*~
Eleven Years Later
At nineteen, Jared sports the same unruly mop off too long hair he did when he was eight and his hazel eyes still sparkle with mischief. His grandma is still his hero and he’s still eerily like the kid from The Sixth Sense, only a lot less creepy. Over the years, his gift evolved and his grandma was right when she predicted that he would be much stronger than her. Along with seeing dead people and being able to help them over to the other side, he also has a knack for telling the immediate future and his people reading skills are almost scary in their intensity.
She was also right when she said it wasn’t an easy life and there are days, many of them, that Jared wishes he wasn’t gifted. For example, he has an uncanny way of knowing when people are lying to him and even though people might think that is a good thing, it really isn’t. Take for example the day, at the age of sixteen, that he came out to his older brother. His parents and Meg already knew; Jeff was the only one left to tell.
He’d sat Jeff down in the living room and told him that he was gay. Jeff had blanched slightly and then he had shrugged and clasped Jared's shoulder, saying it was totally okay with him. Jared had smiled, telling Jeff how relieved he was and all the time he’d known Jeff was lying. It had hurt, having Jeff lying to his face about something that important, but at least Jeff had been trying, and that just made it worse.
“Hey, Spirit Boy. You coming out with us tonight?”
Jared looks up from the essay he’s revising at the sound of his roommate’s voice.
“Nah, I think I’m just gonna chill out here,” he answers.
Chad makes a face and plops himself down on Jared's bed. “Suit yourself, Paddywhack. Hanging out here ain’t gonna get your giant ass laid.”
Jared swivels his chair around and pins Chad with a look. “Well, looking at your luck, I would say going out ain’t exactly gonna get me laid, either.”
“Hey, I totally scored last week.”
“Lie.”
“Month.”
“Lie.”
“Year?”
Jared frowns and then he nods. “That sounds about right. Maybe you should stay home and work on your lame ass pick up lines instead.”
“Dude… I hate you.”
“Lie.”
Chad clamps his mouth shut and gives Jared a sourly look. “You’re no fun to hang with, you know that right?”
Jared just grins and arches an eyebrow.
“Not when you’re using your stupid powers for evil,” Chad grumps. “And that’s totally true.”
Jared laughs and turns back towards his desk. “I have to finish this anthropology essay, but I’m sure you will manage to get drunk and embarrass yourself without me.”
“You are such a kiss ass,” Chad grumbles. “The professor already loves your lanky ass, and you still polish your every essay into masterpieces worthy of the Pulitzer.”
Jared blushes a little. “I just want to do well, that’s all.”
“You just want Professor Morgan to bend you over his messy desk and fuck your virgin ass, that’s what you want.”
Jared blushes to the very tips of his ears. “I hate you,” he says.
“Lie,” Chad retorts and gets up from the bed. “If you change your mind, we’ll be at Steve's.”
“Okay.”
Jared spends another hour polishing up his essay, but it’s not as fun anymore. He even skips going through his books to find a fourth source to verify one of his more outrageous claims. Stupid Chad.
So he happens to think Professor Morgan is totally hot; that doesn’t mean he thinks that writing a kick ass essay will get the man into his pants.
Lie, his subconscious whispers to him and he groans, scrubbing his hands over his face.
Chad said once that maybe Jared was crushing on Jeff because he’s unobtainable, and Jared hates to admit it, but maybe Chad is right. The thought of putting himself out there scares the shit out of him. He tried that once and it ended with heartbreak and another dent put in his that weird Padalecki kid reputation.
No one around here calls him that, and Jared doesn’t want them to start. Sure, people knows he’s gay, but he’s generally well liked, people say hi to him in the corridors and Jared hasn’t had that since he was eight.
His cell phone thrills and he picks it up, looking at the display: Jeff.
“Hey,” he answers, saving his document one last time before turning his laptop off.
“Hey,” Jeff says. “How are you doing this fine Friday night?”
Jared can hear people talking in the background and figures Jeff is at some party.
“I’m fine,” he says, pushing back from the desk.
“Let me guess… Holed up in your room doing schoolwork, dressed in those dreadful grey sweats you seem to love so much.”
Jared looks down on himself and curses under his breath. It’s not the first time he wonders if maybe he’s not the only Padalecki kid with a touch of the gift.
“I’ll have you know I was just gonna hit the shower and go out,” Jared says, making a face as he pushes the sweats down his legs with one hand.
Jeff laughs. “I was so right and you know it. Where are you going?”
“Steve's,” Jared says. “Hang on a sec.”
He puts the phone down and pulls his navy t-shirt off before picking the phone up again.
“I’m back.”
“Steve's… Oh you mean the long haired, country bum you introduced me to the last time I was up for a visit.”
Jared makes a face at Jeff’s description, but since he’s essentially right, there is nothing to say, really. “He’s cool,” he says instead, grabbing a towel from his dresser and his toiletry bag before heading for the door.
“Never said he wasn’t,” Jeff says easily.
Jared smiles, pushing the door open and walking out in the corridor. “The way the two of you were chatting it up, I rather thought you were going to get married.”
Jeff laughs and Jared grins a little wider. Whatever issues Jeff once had with his baby brother being gay have disappeared by now, and Jared half expects him to start wearing a rainbow pin on his shirt.
“He’s not really my type,” Jeff says. “Besides, I’m pretty sure that Chris would have kicked my sorry ass into next week. Possessive little guy, ain’t he?”
“A little,” Jared admits.
The corridor is pretty much deserted as he makes his way towards the showers, and he supposes most people are already out having some Friday night fun. A couple of giggling girls spill out from a room further down the corridor and their giggles intensify when they spot him.
“Work it, Jared,” the shorter one, Sandy, shouts and he sways his hips a little for her, making her dissolve into laughter.
“Lame, Padalecki,” the other girl, Allison, says. “Show us some skin.”
Jared looks down his body and gives Allison an arched eyebrow. “I think I’m showing enough skin, thank you very much.”
“Is that Sandy?” Jeff asks, perking up. “Let me talk to her.”
Jared rolls his eyes and holds the phone out for Sandy. “Jeff wants to talk to you,” he says and grins when Sandy blushes almost crimson.
Allison snatches the phone out of his hand and he laughs when she starts interrogation Jeff as to his intentions, until Sandy manages to get the phone from her. Jeff and Sandy met on Jeff’s last visit and sparks were flying between them. He rolls his eyes when Sandy disappears into her room with his phone.
“Tell her to drop it off in my room when she’s done,” Jared says to Allison, who is watching him in a way that creeps him out a little.
“Seriously, Jared… Why don’t you have a boyfriend? You’re fucking smoking.”
Jared blushes down to his nipples and Allison smirks in an entirely too self-satisfied way.
“Bitch,” he mutters and takes off in the direction of the showers again.
“What was that?” she calls out from behind him. “I didn’t quite hear you.”
“I said you’re not too shabby yourself,” Jared answers over his shoulder and Allison laughs.
He smiles the rest of the way to the shower; it’s so nice to have friends again.
*
The gang is already gathered around a table when Jared shows up, and by the look of it, half way to drunk. Chad scoots over when Jared appears, patting the space beside him.
“Sit down, my friend, and join in the debauchery.”
Looking around, Jared can’t really see any debauchery going on, but he sits down anyway. He already knows the people sitting around the table. Mike is a senior and the current chairman of the LGBT club, his lover Tom is seated next to him wearing one edge of Mike's feathered boa around his neck. The two of them make an odd couple, Mike is pretty good looking, but he’s also more hyped than a ferret on crack. Tom is down right hot and so soft mannered, one might take him for dead.
Sophia is seated on Chad’s other side and, as usual, when Chad has had a few too many, Chad is hitting on her with gusto, not caring one bit that she is the secretary of the LGBT club and quite happy with her girlfriend Kate. Chris is watching the two of them from the other side of the table, opposite Jared, apparently waiting for the inevitable blow up.
“Hey guys,” Jared says.
Chris grins briefly at him, but no one else gives him any attention. He sighs and looks towards the bar where Steve is serving drinks alongside three different bartenders from the student ranks. It looks to be a busy night and people are crowding up to the bar, the background noise almost loud enough to drone out the country rock blaring from hidden speakers.
At the end of the bar there is a barstool that is always left empty. If anyone dares sit on it, Steve, Chris, the bartenders, or a regular is bound to come down on them like a ton of bricks. A note saying Taken lies on the seat and Jared has never seen anyone sit on it, until now. A guy is sitting there, elbows resting on the bar, but no one is paying him any attention. He’s got short, dirt blond hair and looks eerily like all the trouble of the world rests on his broad shoulders.
“Hey,” he says, turning towards Chris. “Who’s that guy sitting on the chair?”
Chris’s head whips around and he stares towards the bar. “What guy?”
Jared looks back and the chair is empty. “He’s gone now,” he says vaguely.
Chris presses his lips together. “Are you sure you saw someone?”
“I thought I did, but he must have just been standing next to it or something.”
Jared keeps his eyes trained on the empty chair, but he can’t see the guy anywhere around it. Chris huffs and turns back towards Chad and Sophia. Jared almost opens his mouth to ask about the chair, but both Steve and Chris have made it pretty damned obvious they don’t want to talk about it. There are a million different rumours about it floating around, ranging from mundane to outrageous, but so far none of the ones Jared has heard rings true.
Besides, even though he helps out at the bar sometimes, it’s not like he really knows Steve or Chris, they only started going to the bar a few months ago and the chair was already there by then. Jared half suspects it’s just a joke, something to create a little mystery, but he’s not sure. He tried touching the chair once, but got nothing except for a very fleeting image of dark green eyes.
Throughout the evening that turns out to be quite nice and relaxing, a well deserved break from his studies, Jared sees the mystery guy a few more times. He’s always standing a little to the side of things, looking lost and alone, despite being the hottest guy Jared ever laid his eyes on. His dirty blond hair is streaked by the sun and messed up in a way that makes Jared think about sex.
He’s got a pale golden tan and what looks to be freckles across the bridge of his nose. He’s pretty tall, at least over six feet, and he’s got a good body on him as well. It’s the pretty pink lips and bedroom-eyes that really draws the eye, yet Jared seems to be the only one even noticing him.
As the hour grows late, Jared finds himself scanning the crowd for the mystery guy, a few beers having given him enough courage to maybe even strike up a conversation - anyone that looks that lost and alone ought to be approachable. He wonders if maybe Steve told him off for sitting on the forbidden chair and that is why he looks so sad, or maybe he was stood up, even though Jared can’t think of a single reason anyone would stand someone that gorgeous up.
Around one a.m., when the others start talking about hitting a club, he excuses himself and heads out. He’s had a good time so far, and he doesn’t want to ruin his good mood by heading to some obnoxiously trendy club where people will frown at his simple jeans and t-shirt. The night has turned chilly while he was in the club, and he unties the hoodie he’s got tied around his hips and puts it on.
He spots the mystery man again, leaning against the brick wall of the bar with a cigarette between his pouty lips. The man looks up and spots him, a faint smile lingering on his lips.
“You know,” he says conversationally as Jared moves closer, “if I had spotted something as hot as you in there a few months ago, I would have had your cock down my throat before you even thought to ask for my name.”
Jared blinks, a red-hot blush spreading over his face. “Excuse me?” he more or less squeaks.
The guy starts, dropping his cigarette on the ground. “You can hear me?”
Jared frowns. “Uh… Yeah.”
Now it’s the guy’s turn to blink and blush a little. “For real?”
“Yeah.”
The guy suddenly pushes away from the wall and reaches out to put his hand on Jared's arm - it goes right through. They both look for a while at Jared's still very solid arm and the guy does it again.
“Oh well,” he says with a happy smile. “Two out of three ain’t so bad. My name is Jensen, and I’m very pleased to meet you.”
*
Jensen is, Jared soon decides, a royal pain in the ass. Since Jared is the only one who can actually hear him, Jensen has taken to following Jared around everywhere he goes, chatting up a storm. He’s not like any other ghost Jared has ever met. First of all, he doesn’t seem to want to move on and when Jared reaches out for him, he can’t find the door in his mind to push him through to the other side.
Second, he doesn’t give off the chills, and when Jensen walks through him Jared doesn’t feel cold, but rather warm and a little horny, which is very disconcerting. Thirdly, Jensen's got a dirty mouth on him and he has a knack for making comments in very inopportune moments. And last but not least, Jensen has no shame; he literally follows Jared everywhere, which includes the bathroom and the shower.
“I don’t get it,” Jensen says one day when they are heading out of Professor Morgan’s classroom.
Jensen showed up half way through the class, sitting next to Jared on the floor, commenting on everything from Professor Morgan’s choice of shirt to the way the girl three rows over kept showing her panties. If Jared could, he would have throttled his disrespectful ass - as it was, he just ignored him.
“Get what?” Jared hisses after casting furtive glances around. He’s gotten weird looks more than once for talking to Jensen in public, and he so does not want to be that odd Padalecki kid again.
“What you see in that man… He’s old and gross.”
Jared shoots Jensen an exasperated look. “He’s so not.”
Jensen makes a face that would be cute if he hadn’t been so annoying. “Is too… Besides, you don’t wanna get involved with a guy like him. Good looking enough to get his pick of students and teachers both… he’s bound to be an asshat.”
“I thought you said he was old and gross.”
“Who are you talking to?” a familiar voice says behind Jared, and he spins around with a miserable blush.
“No one, Professor,” he says, just barely restraining himself from glaring at Jensen.
“You know what you should do?” Jensen asks, moving to stand beside Professor Morgan. “You should get a headset, or a hands free, that way you can claim to be on the phone.”
Jared grits his teeth and ignores him. Professor Morgan smiles. “Anyway, Jared, I wanted to talk to you after class, but you disappeared so quickly. Maybe you’d have time to come around my office later.”
“Yes, of course,” Jared says, trying to not sound too eager.
“Don’t do it,” Jensen says with a frown. “Asshat.”
“Maybe around seven? I have a staff meeting and some reports to finish.”
“Okay.”
“Good. See you then.”
Jared looks after the professor until Jensen steps into his line of vision. “What are you? An idiot? The guy is playing you, looking for cheap sex, and you’re just walking right into his neatly set trap.”
“Maybe I don’t mind,” Jared hisses furiously.
Jensen blinks. “If you think that… maybe you don’t know yourself as well as you think.”
“And you do?”
Jensen shrugs. “I know you well enough to know that cheap sex is just going to make you feel dirty. You are so the flowers and chocolate type.”
“Shut up,” Jared says, glaring at him. “Shut up and leave me the fuck alone.”
Jensen disappears after that and Jared tells himself he’s relieved. He doesn’t really want Jensen hanging around all the time; the guy is such an annoyance. A small part of him wonders where Jensen takes off to, but he kind of figures he goes around campus peeping on people and making rude comments that no one can hear. He presses down the tiny amount of guilt he feels at that thought, it’s not his duty to keep Jensen entertained at all times of the day.
*
Jared is nervous when he walks up to Professor Morgan’s office later that night, nervous and a little queasy. It took him forever to decide on something to wear, only to go with the same clothes he’d been wearing all day in the end. He didn’t want to seem too eager, or like this was a date or something. For all he knew, maybe Professor Morgan had a legitimate reason to want to talk to him.
He knocks lightly on the door and pushes it open when someone yells for him to come in from the other side. Professor Morgan’s office is unbelievably cluttered, books and papers stacked everywhere, together with various odd bits and pieces he had found during his travels. It’s been a while since Jared was last in here, but nothing has really changed.
“Ah, Jared,” Professor Morgan says, looking up from a paper clutched between his fingers. “I’m so glad you could make it.”
Jared smiles a little, the air around him suddenly feeling thick and heavy. “Thank you, Professor.”
“I came to wonder the other day, you see, if you were maybe related to Marya Padalecki, the medium?”
Jared swallows thickly, sweat prickling at the back of his neck. “She’s my grandmother.”
Professor Morgan has made it clear in his lectures that he does not believe in the supernatural and Jared has been letting it slide, because so many people don’t.
Professor Morgan purses his lips. “I’ve been trying to get in touch with her, because I find her life interesting and would like to immortalize it in my next book. You know, the supernatural world seen out of the eyes of someone who clearly believes.”
Jared stiffens slightly, anger flaring up within him. “She doesn’t give interviews,” he says hollowly.
“I know.” Professor Morgan turns his comfortable leather chair around to face Jared and purses his lips. “That’s why I am talking to you.”
Jared's eyes narrow, but he doesn’t say anything - he feels sick.
“I was thinking maybe you’d put me in touch with her, negotiate my case. There would, of course, be… benefits.”
Professor Morgan shifts his feet, spreading his legs slightly and Jared wrenches his gaze away, feeling like a world-class idiot.
“I’m sorry, Professor Morgan, I can’t help you there,” he says, the respectful words turning to ashes in his mouth. “My grandma was always a very headstrong woman and if she doesn’t want to talk to you, there is nothing I can do to change her mind.”
“I can’t see why she won’t even talk to me. I just want to do her a favor, really.”
Jared can see the lie like a cloud surrounding Professor Morgan’s face and he swallows against the bile rising in his throat.
“You don’t want to do her any favors,” he says harshly. “You want to use her to make your point, and your point won’t be that there really is such a thing as ghosts, and if you could bag her naïve grandson and your star student along the way, all the more kudos to you, right?”
Professor Morgan blinks. “Now, Jared…”
“Don’t you ‘now, Jared’ me. I won’t help you ridicule my grandmother and I will not sleep with your sorry ass. Was there anything more you wanted?”
Jared can’t help but to grin at the sound of clapping coming from behind him, even though he’s shivering inside. The professor shakes his head and makes a vague gesture towards the door. Jared turns towards it holding himself stiffly.
“I’m sorry,” Professor Morgan says behind him and when Jared glances at him over his shoulder, he looks older than his year, face pale and furrowed.
“You should be,” Jared says before walking out and slamming the door behind him.
“I think I love you,” Jensen exclaims gleefully from behind him. “Seriously, I didn’t know you had it in you.”
Jared glances at him, giving him a wry smile. “I’ve never been so embarrassed in my entire life.”
Jensen grins brightly. “But blushing looks so good on you, baby.”
Jared snorts and pointedly ignores him as he starts walking down the corridor, Jensen trailing after him, re-telling the best parts of Jared's performance as if Jared hadn’t been there.
*
One night a couple of weeks after the Professor Morgan incident, Jared’s lying on his bed talking to Jensen, who’s sitting cross-legged on Jared's desk, when Chad walks in. Jared stops talking mid-sentence and Chad gives him an odd look.
“Okay… Jay-bird… I haven’t brought this up because I kinda like your sorry ass, but you’re starting to freak me out here. Who the fuck are you talking to all the time?”
Jared sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I don’t know what you mean,” he tries, knowing that it’s not going to fool Chad in the slightest.
“Don’t give me that… For a while there I almost believed your whole, ‘I’m talking in my handfree,’ act, but right now, you’re not even wearing the damned thing.” Chad closes the door firmly behind him and leans against the wall, staring at Jared. “If you’re going crazy, man, you’re obligated to tell me.”
Jared laughs. “I’m not going crazy, okay? It’s just… Jensen, is there any way you could show yourself to Chad?”
Jensen hops up from the desk and moves closer to where Chad is standing, looking a little wild.
“You mean there’s a ghost here?” he squeaks.
“Uh…” Jared makes a face. “Yeah.”
Jensen positions himself between Jared and Chad, with his back to Jared.
“Where is it?” Chad asks, his eyes flittering back and forth.
“Right in front of you.”
Chad stiffens, staring straight forward. “I can’t see it.”
“Jen?”
“I’m trying,” Jensen says, sounding annoyed. “But it’s really fucking hard. Besides, I never met anyone that could see me before you.”
Chad blinks and then suddenly his eyes go way wide. “Jesus,” he whispers, making the cross sign rapidly.
Jensen laughs like it’s the funniest thing in the world, bouncing on his heels.
“He can see me, can he?”
Chad tilts his head to the side, reaching a tentative hand out towards Jensen, and then he stiffens.
“He disappeared,” he says weakly.
“He’s still there,” Jared says with a shrug. “But it’s hard work for him, trying to make himself visible.”
Jensen turns around and bounces over to Jared's bed, sitting down on the edge. Jared imagines he can feel the bed dip for a moment.
“So you mean I’ve been sharing this room with a ghost for weeks?”
Jared licks his lips and then nods.
“I need a drink,” Chad says and quickly disappears out the door.
Jared wants to yell “don’t tell anyone” after him, but doesn’t. Chad has been keeping his mouth shut about Jared's abilities this far, Jared hardly thinks he’s gonna spill the whole sordid story now.
“He could see me,” Jensen says, bouncing on the bed. “He could see me. Hey…” He turns around, pinning Jared with a look. “Do you think if I tried really hard that I could show myself to my parents?”
Jared blinks. They never really talked about how Jensen died, or how long ago. “They’re still alive?”
“Uh… yeah,” Jensen says.
“Oh… Well… Maybe you could, but chances are you’d just freak them out.”
“Why did you think my parents were dead?” Jensen asks, looking honestly curious.
Jared shrugs. “I just assumed, but I don’t really know for how long you’ve been dead…”
Jensen suddenly starts laughing, deep and rich, the sound vibrating through Jared's body in a not fully uncomfortable way.
“What?” he asks in confusion.
“I’m not dead,” Jensen says with a grin. “What made you think I was dead?”
“You’re a ghost… I just…”
Jensen laughs again, wiping the back of his hand over his eyes. “Tomorrow after classes I’ll take you to see me. It could be fun.”
Jared’s got a million questions backing up on his tongue, but suddenly Jensen just disappears and Jared is alone. Jensen's alive? As in, not dead? He can’t really wrap his mind around it. If Jensen's alive, then what is he doing walking around without his body?
*
“Turn right here,” Jensen says, pointing towards the next crossroad.
Jared tightens his hold on the wheel and follows the instruction, like he’s been doing for the last hour.
“There it is,” Jensen says, sounding pleased and Jared follows his gaze to an ordinary sprawling brick house, with the words Everest Convalescence Home on an ornate sign above the gates.
Jared makes a left turn and parks the car in the visitors’ parking lot, turning the ignition off and just staring, like the pale red of the bricks holds all the answers to his questions. The house looks nice enough, a big one-story building with lots of windows shaded by a multitude of trees.
“Come on,” Jensen says, sounding excited. “If anyone asks, just say you’re my boyfriend.”
Jared blushes. “I can’t tell people that.”
“Of course you can. It’s room 204. If it’s okay with you, I’ll wait outside for a moment.”
“You’re not coming with me?”
Jensen looks a bit nervous for the first time. “I’ll be there in a minute, okay?”
“Okay,” Jared says, getting out of the car.
His palms are sweating as he makes his way towards the door and he wipes them on his thighs. He walks into a nice looking reception area, the cool of refrigerated air making him shiver after the heat outside.
“Can I help you?” the nice looking woman behind the reception desk asks him.
“I’m looking for room 204,” Jared says, hoping his voice doesn’t betray his nervousness.
“It’s just down the hall to the right,” she says with a sweet smile. “Jensen sure does seem to have a lot of friends.
Jared smiles weakly. “Indeed.”
As he makes his way down the corridor towards Jensen's room, the antiseptic smell tickles his nose and his heart beats way too fast. He wonders if maybe he should have brought something, even though Jensen said he shouldn’t. Room 204 is easy to find and Jared hesitates for the longest of whiles before he pushes the door open.
The room is empty except for the pale form lying in a bed next to the window. There are flowers on every available surface in the room and Jared's nose is assaulted by the thick flowery smell.
“Jensen,” he whispers, slowly moving closer to the bed.
His heart trips when he recognizes the pale face of his favorite ghost on the body in the bed. A chair is pulled up to the bed so he plops down in it, reaching out and putting his hand over Jensen's, resting on pristine sheets. He half expects Jensen's hand to be cold, but it isn’t, and he draws a trembling breath. When he looks closer, he can see Jensen's chest rising and falling slowly in time with his breaths, and he just feels like crying.
“I don’t think I ever told you how beautiful you are,” he whispers, afraid to break the solemn silence of the room. “But you are.”
He squeezes Jensen's hand lightly, his heart beating triple time. He can’t believe he’s really holding Jensen's hand, that Jensen is still alive, breathing on his own. All those things he’s been trying to ignore for the last few weeks come crashing down on him. How Jensen's laugh makes him vibrate inside, how just one smile is enough to light up his day, how much he’s come to rely on Jensen's bitchy comments and lack of tact. How easily he’s gotten used to Jensen's constant presence, and how he can’t stop looking after him when he’s not around.
Sitting there, holding the hand of Jensen's prone body, he finally admits to himself that he’s gone and fallen in love with a ghost, and it feels so good to finally be able to touch him. He slides his hand up and down Jensen's arm, making the fine blond hairs stand on edge and smoothing them back again. The door behind him opens and before Jared has time to react, someone is pulling him out of the chair by the back of his shirt.
“Just who the fuck are you?”
Jared looks down on the man who just accosted him, licking his lips nervously.
“I’m Jensen's boyfriend,” he says, feeling like a complete fake.
“Boyfriend,” the guy sneers and pushes Jared away from the bed. “It’s funny I haven’t seen you around before.”
Jared licks his lips. “I’ve been here a few times,” he says. “It’s just… It’s so hard seeing him like this.”
The guy makes a face and suddenly Jared can see the family likeness. He must have just outed himself and Jensen to Jensen's older brother.
“You know, the day Jensen told me he was gay was the worst fucking day of my life,” the guy says, glancing towards the bed. “My baby brother a fucking fag, you know.”
Jared presses his lips together, hoping that Jensen decides to take a few more minutes outside.
“But, I learned to live with it, calling him every now and then, keeping tabs on him, and strangely he never told me anything about you.”
Jared narrows his eyes. “Did you ever ask? Or did you think calling for idle chit-chat was the same thing as showing him support? Did you ever think of visiting him before he ended up like this, or were you happy just to know he was still alive and well, doing God knows what? Would you have listened if he called you in tears after some guy broke his heart, or would you have hung up, not wanting to hear about his faggoty ways?”
“Who the fuck are you to come here and lecture me when my brother’s in a fucking a coma?”
“I’m his boyfriend and I know how hard it was for him that you didn’t really accept him, that you forced him to pretend to be something else, just to be loved by his own fucking family.”
The guy’s eyes almost bulge out of his head and he furiously points his hand towards the door. “You leave now, before I kick your sorry ass, and if I ever see you here again…”
“You’re gonna what? Hit me? Way to show support for your brother’s choice of lifestyle.” Jared moves towards the door, but pauses with his hand on the door handle. “You know… However much you ignore it, Jensen is always going to be gay and one day, if he wakes up, he might want to take his partner home to meet you… I hope this is not how you’re going to behave then, because it will break his heart.”
Jared pulls the door open and walks out without looking back. He’s shivering inside, scared and angry in an even mix. What the fuck did he just do?
*
Over the course of the next few days, Jensen makes him repeat his argument with Josh over and over like it’s the funniest fucking thing in the world. Jared sullenly retells the story over and over, wondering why Jensen is taking such delight in it. He can’t stop thinking about Jensen in that hospital bed, and how good it felt to finally touch him, until he doesn’t know up from down anymore.
“Tell me about the fight again,” Jensen says one night as Jared is getting ready to go out with Chad and the gang.
“Jesus Christ, Jensen, I’ve recited the damn thing so many times you know it by heart,” Jared growls. “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel like doing it again.”
Jensen doesn’t answer and when Jared turns to look at him, he’s looking down on his hands.
“They talk to me, you know, when they sit by the bed, and in the beginning I had nothing better to do than hang around trying to come up with a way to get back into my body. They are all so remorseful… taking back every harsh word they ever said, promising me they’ll change if I just wake up, but… They said some horrible things, mom, dad and Josh, when I came out to them. Josh at least has been trying, but as you pointed out, he hasn’t really and I just wanted it to be true… I just wanted to think that if I woke up, things would really be different. I would have my brother back and my parents… I wouldn’t be… I don’t know.”
Jared squeezes his eyes shut against the sudden burn and sighs. “I’m sorry,” he says. “And coming out is never easy. I’m sure they’ll try harder once you wake up.”
“Yeah.” Jensen sighs, too. “If I ever do.”
“Of course you will,” Jared says, holding two t-shirts up, wondering which one to wear with his jeans.
“Turn around,” Jensen says from the bed, and Jared dutifully turns towards him and holds the shirts up to his body.
Jensen purses his lips and looks Jared up and down. “It’s such a shame to cover that up with anything, but I like the blue one best.”
Jared blushes a little and hurriedly pulls the blue one on.
“Nice,” Jensen says, nodding to himself. “Very nice.”
“Thanks,” Jared says, swallowing thickly.
He wants to ask Jensen if he’s someone Jensen would go for if he wasn’t currently incapable, but he can’t think of a way to say it that doesn’t reveal how gigantic a dork he is.
“Uh…” he says, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Would it be okay if I went to visit you tomorrow?”
Jensen blinks. “You want to visit me?”
“Yeah… I… I hang out with you all the time, so I kinda want to pay my respect to your body, or something.”
Jensen laughs. “Dork. You totally have the hots for me.”
Jared blushes miserably and looks down on his feet. “Would that be so bad?”
Jensen doesn’t answer and when Jared looks up, he’s gone. Apparently it would be so bad.
*
Jared feels all wrong when he walks into Steve's, like he’s not comfortable in his own skin. He glances towards the bar and the scowl on Steve's face when he spots him makes Jared stop dead in his tracks. Was he supposed to work tonight or something? Then Chris comes walking up to him and he doesn’t look any happier, so Jared tenses up, licking his lips.
“Backroom,” Chris says icily. “Now.”
“What…”
“Now.”
Jared flinches and follows Chris as he takes off through the crowd. He looks around wildly, spotting Chad and the others at their usual table. Chad gives him a look that Jared can’t decipher and Jared mouths help at him. Then Chris is holding the door to the backroom open and Jared reluctantly walks through. Steve slips in before Chris slams the door shut and Jared bites his lip nervously.
“You’re cute when you do that,” Jensen says and Jared twitches, looking around until he spots Jensen sitting in one of the comfy chairs where the bartenders can rest their tired feet during breaks.
It makes him feel slightly better to know that Jensen is there, and yay, Jensen thinks he’s cute.
“Tell me, Jared,” Chris says, leaning again the door with his arms crossed over his chest. “How long have you known us?”
Jared blinks. “A few months… Four maybe?”
“Close to five, actually,” Steve says.
Jared looks from one to the other, wondering if this is a good cop, bad cop set up and what the fuck he did wrong.
“And during these five months, have we not been good friends to you?”
“Uh…” Jared swallows. “Yeah… sure.”
“I love it when they do this,” Jensen says from behind him. “Well, not so much when it’s aimed at me… but they are pretty good performers, don’t you think?”
“Fuck,” Jared says, spinning around and pinning Jensen with a glare.
“What?” Both Steve and Chris say behind him.
“Heee,” Jensen says, clapping his hands in delight. “You’re gonna have to tell them now.”
“Fuck you!”
“Don’t you wish you could.” Jensen looks entirely too smug and Jared growls a little at him, because yeah, he totally does.
He spins back towards Steve and Chris, ignoring Jensen's smug ass for the time being and fixes them both with a glare.
“I’m psychic, or what you might call a medium. I see dead people walking around like normal people, and apparently also comatose people, even though I’m pretty sure they don’t normally do that. I assume this has something to do with me telling Jensen's brother he’s my boyfriend, and you’re rightfully upset because as far as you know, I never even met Jensen, but believe me I have and this was all his bright idea. I can’t really say I appreciate his way of turning my life into an angst-ridden teenage soap opera, but I do appreciate his constant presence in my life. You can chose to believe me, or not, at this point I don’t really care, but I am NOT getting told off about this one more time.”
“Jesus, Jared,” Jensen says, walking right through him to stand before Steve and Chris. “You get me all hot and bothered when you talk like that.”
Steve and Chris are both just gaping at him, mouths hanging open in pure shock.
“If you’re interested, Jensen is standing right in front of you now and if you focus real hard, you might actually see him,” Jared says, pressing his lips together.
Steve and Chris both squint at the empty air before them until Steve's eyes suddenly go comically wide.
“Hot damn,” he whispers, a smile slowly spreading over his face. “Jensen, man… I fucking missed you.”
Jensen laughs, bouncing on his heels again.
“I can’t see him,” Chris whines.
“Just turn your head slightly to the right… Like this.”
Steve cups Chris's jaw with one of his hands, turning Chris's head until he’s looking at Jensen from the corner of his eye.
“Shit,” he says, paling slightly. “Jesus Fucking Christ.”
Jensen is practically vibrating with glee and Jared wishes he could touch him, ground him.
“Tell them they still look like fucking dorks and Chris could really use a fucking haircut.”
“You still look like fucking dorks,” Jared says. “And Chris, you could really use a fucking haircut.”
“No way,” Steve says. “I need something to grab onto when he’s blowing me.”
Jensen laughs, big and happy and Jared realizes these are his real friends; the people he would hang out with if Jared's company wasn’t forced on him. He’d be that odd guy on the outside looking in, pining stupidly after Jensen's delicious ass. Chris would say something like: ’That odd Padalecki kid is staring at you again’ and Jensen would answer: ’I know… I blew the guy once and now he thinks he’s my fucking boyfriend.’
“I can’t see him anymore,” Steve says after a few seconds. “Is he still there?”
“Oh yeah,” Jared says. “But it’s hard for him to stay visible to you.”
“But we can still talk to him… through you?” Chris asks and Jared nods slowly.
This is what he does, he helps spirits to find their way to the other side and he lets them communicate with their loved ones. Sure, it’s been a while, but he used to do it all the time back in San Antonio. And still he’d rather do anything than let Jensen reconnect with his buddies - he’s such a bad person.
They end up spending most of the night in the backroom, drinking beer and talking animatedly. Jared is doing most of the talking, but none of what he’s saying comes from him. It’s oddly like he’s not even there and he suddenly realizes how Jensen feels most of the time. When dawn breaks outside Jensen is the one that finally notices that Jared is pretty much asleep in his seat, retelling Jensen's words without even realizing what he’s saying.
They break up shortly after that and Jared trudges back to the dorms, fighting to keep awake long enough to make it. Jensen left as soon as he walked out of the bar and for some stupid reason he feels used, like his only value is that of being Jensen's voice. Jensen, Chris and Steve are all effortlessly cool, probably have been for most of their lives and Jared isn’t like that. He felt like a fool the first time Chris struck up a conversation with him, stuttering and waiting for the inevitable ridicule.
It didn’t happen, and over the months since then he’s started thinking of Chris and Steve as friends. Not really good friends, but friends nonetheless. This night, though, made him realize they are nothing of the sorts, they’ve just been kind enough to let him think it, and he once again feels like that weird Padalecki kid and he hasn’t felt like that in ages.
Part Two