LJ Idol Week 38: Open topic

[jexia]

My insides are made of fear and inadequacy. I bolster the walls with chocolate, but sometimes they leak. Tiredness wears them down; frustration and hormones wash away at the foundations. I plaster on a facade of competence, slapping flaking layers on top of flaking layers, keeping it together

Comments

[jexia]

My champion is octavia-blue, who is one of the people who has stood me back up repeatedly over the last few days. Her entry is here: http://octavia-blue.livejournal.com/442.html

The rest of you know who you are, and I hope you know how deeply it is appreciated.

[bleodswean]

This was extremely difficult to read. I am worried about you. Your life is FULL with so many things and most of those things are AMAZING things. It sounds as though you're in a low spot and hormones don't help, but the added stresses don't help if they can't be dealt with or relieved. I hope you find relief soon.

You obviously are a writer. This is a medium that calls to you, speaks to you, and that you have a voice to answer with. Don't be so hard on yourself. Writing is a gift, but it is a skill. A learned and practiced skill and those who become great work at it constantly. Most writer write in a vacuum...Idol can be misleading insomuch as the amount of feedback that it garners. You must write for yourself first, practice your art, take notes when you're not writing, sign up for workshops, read read read, and don't let yourself get stretched thin over things that are out of your control.

And cherish these years. They fly.

*hugs*

[jexia]

I'm okay - just too tired to be able to write. This week is not so bad. Thanks for your kind words, though I'm not sure I will do any more writing once Idol is over one way or another!

[bleodswean]

Glad this week is better.

Sorry to hear you feel that way about writing. :( I'm not sure why it's so hard on you - is it the writing or the competitive aspect which is making you so on edge? Do you consider yourself a competitive person?

[jexia]

Me, competitive? Never. *coughcough*

It's just the relentless deadlines. It's hard for me to let go of worrying about all the other things I should be doing (and there's a lot - house inspection coming up soon) enough to get in a place to be creative.

Or sleep, for that matter...

[dmousey]

I'm halfway across the world and I feel for you. Make sure you don't take on too much. There's no rule where you have to do everything, be everything, all you have to do is love them.

This piece was a plea for help and an incredible metamorphosis happened. It was glorious.

::hugg::

[jexia]

Taking on too much is pretty much who I am. Mostly I manage. Sometimes I break. *shrug*

I get it from my mother, who works more than full-time as a teacher (in the school's first e-learning classroom), plays bass clarinet and bari sax in two bands, goes hiking / biking / gym / swimming and last year climbed Mt Kilimanjaro a few days after completing a half-marathon through a safari park at the age of 62.

[dmousey]

Yes... but did she do that when she had you lot at home with her? LOL

Just take care of you too, ok. I take on more than my ffair share also, so it's pretty much a pot/kettle situation. :)

[jexia]

Haha, no, that all came along after we left. She only started doing any exercise things about 8 years ago, and music was about 12 years ago.

[crisp_sobriety]

Oh my goodness.

You're too hard on yourself. You do such an amazing job here at Idol. You comment on everyone and you're brave and honest enough to leave concrit, while turning out pieces of your own, WHILE being a parent in the real world. You're awesome. Never forget.

(Also, your eldest son's drama teacher sounds like a prick).

*hugs*

[jexia]

I've never been awesome, and I don't intend to start at this advanced age! :P

She kicked him out of the drama production last year, which I went along with because he was exhausted by the up to 12 hours of rehearsals a week. Yes, he can be intense, and disruptive, but there is no way she should have let it get so bad that someone complained about him. She's young and I think she just doesn't know how to deal with kids who are outside her expectations.

But she can damn well deal with it an hour a week in a class that we have paid for.

I have told her that if he's disruptive, give one reminder, and then next time just ask him to sit at the side quietly until he's ready to work with the group. Even if he sulks all session, that's still a lesson for him. He'll do better the next week.

I hope it works.

[roina_arwen]

This was raw and wonderful and I too like to "bolster my walls with chocolate," which isn't always a good thing for a diabetic, but it is what it is. You've got lots of folks rooting for you, and I just want you to know that I'm one of them. *hugs*

[jexia]

Thanks, roina_arwen - that's really appreciated.