LJ Idol Week 38: Open topic

[jexia]

My insides are made of fear and inadequacy. I bolster the walls with chocolate, but sometimes they leak. Tiredness wears them down; frustration and hormones wash away at the foundations. I plaster on a facade of competence, slapping flaking layers on top of flaking layers, keeping it together

Comments

[ext_2828400]

Wow, this almost felt too personal to read. I hope your walls are back up and strong soon!

[jexia]

Getting there.

A weekend of mojitos and reading (and the kids getting along for once) helped :)

[i_17bingo]

At the risk of sounding really flippant, you did at least get a good entry out of your pain. And boy is it painful. The frustration and exhaustion really flow out of this piece--so much so that I feel exhausted, and I don't even have children or a tuba.

[jexia]

Thanks. It got done in 20 minutes on the last morning before I went to work, in absolute desperation (part of the problem with the deadline being at 2 or 3pm my time). I... just had nothing, otherwise.

I'm scared about this week. But it will be what it will be.

[alycewilson]

Wow! Sorry you had such a rough week! You write about it in a very evocative way.

[jexia]

Thanks. This week will be better, I hope.

[suesniffsglue]

This is so deeply honest and raw. It's told in such a beautiful way. I agree with bleodswean's comment--don't be so hard on yourself. You've got so much to bring to the table and it's a pleasure each time you share.

[jexia]

Thank you so much for your kind words.

[tsuki_no_bara]

i've thoroughly enjoyed everything of yours i've read for lj idol - because seriously, you're really good and so many of your entries are really inventive and interesting in their interpretations of the prompts - and i'm so sorry it's so hard for you. altho you have a lot going on! and it's impressive that you can write as well as you do, as often as you do, with everything else in your life. plus, as crisp-sobriety pointed out, you take the time to not just comment on everyone else's entries but also offer some gentle critique. you definitely deserve some chocolate.

[jexia]

Thank you - I really appreciate that.

I think I'm chocolate deficient. I've been trying to eat much better since the New Year, and exercise more, and arrgh it's just all more stuff to worry about. Chocolate!