Living & Learning

[jesus_h_biscuit]

There's a funny thing about friends. The real ones, the ones who appreciate your relationships with them and work to maintain them understand that it's not really difficult to make friends - it's keeping them that involves the hard work. Those who aren't really your friends invariably reveal themselves by their intentions and/or failure of

Comments

[djmadadam]

I admit that sometimes I don't want to put in the work. I have this fear that people also won't want to put in the work, a fear that has been confirmed enough times over the years. And, so, I don't always bother. It becomes a matter of the chicken and the egg, at that point, because I can't differentiate between the lack of effort on my part and the lack of effort on anyone else's part.

[jesus_h_biscuit]

I remember feeling that way for much of my life having been burned so many times, I understand where you may be coming from!

[snowboardjoe]

Well said. My friends so support me (both in real life and virtually) when things are shitty and do what I can to support them. Some friends just don't click very well and they fade away (can't expect everyone you meet as someone who will be your friend). It's the friends that matter that deserve your attention and time. Dwelling on the friend who does not reciprocate real friendship is a dead end.

Hmmm..., so what triggered these deep thoughts?

[jesus_h_biscuit]

I think I misjudged someone, or at least discovered that they weren't who I was hoping they would be. It ended up really hurting my feelings initially and that quickly turned to anger once I got hip to what was really going on.

Long story short, I was asked to censor myself because some of the things I post have 'filthy words' in them and not only did they not wish to see these words, their kids use their computer and that was a huge issue.

No trying to discuss this rationally or anything, forget that it's not my job to make anyone else comfortable with me and it is REALLY not my job to raise someone else's kid. What it came down to is that it wasn't just a matter of disagreement, my friendship was apparently a disposable thing and not important enough to even hear me out, let alone discuss the matter. His choice dictated mine - I got nothin' for that kind of bullshit.

[snowboardjoe]

There are plenty of tools here on LJ to manage content from reaching sensitive ears. It's the parents responsibility to make sure they use those tools. If they use them right, it will prevent such issues. That's their problem--not yours. The Internet is not an all friendly place and parents need to monitor for that stuff

[jesus_h_biscuit]

This particular incident happened on Facebook actually, but the same applies - if you log out after you visit the site, then it's really not an issue and not only are you taking responsibility for yourself and your child, you're preventing them from seeing those particular words on that particular page and can go about pretending they're not going to see worse elsewhere on the internet, in movies, video games, television, in school, and in all other areas of real life.

If it was worth shredding a friendship for, then it couldn't have meant too much to him and I'm glad to know it now. That way I know not to invest myself.

[bigfundrew]

yeah
that's just what I was thinking today

I'm having surious problems, though, with the dwelling part..
I dwell. I pine. I hope. I stalk. I try again.
I don't know why.

[jesus_h_biscuit]

I'm trying really hard not to dwell/pine/hope myself, but it's not like feelings for people come with an on/off switch for some of us. I draw the line at stalking!

I'll go on record as saying that anyone who doesn't see how much better THEIR life is made by your presence in it is not only lacking, they're worse for that ignorance.

[bigfundrew]

I KNOW THAT'S ROIGHT!
holla!

*and MAYBE stalking is too harsh a word.....

.....and maybe not.*

[tilia_tomentosa]

Oh yes, maintaining a friendship is hard work... but it isn't the UNPLEASANT kind of hard work if you are the right "combination". At list this is how it is for me. :)

[jesus_h_biscuit]

I could not agree with you more on that point - but unfortunately, some people are just repellent to doing that kind of work because they only want what is easy and what doesn't require much from them.

[snowboardjoe]

I guess some people assume you only have to work hard in maintaining relationships (spouse/partner) and friendships don't count as much?

We know better, but I need to act more on my friendships. Granted I met some wonderful on my recent road trip last week, but I don't do a good job at maintaining local friends.

[jesus_h_biscuit]

I think that it was more a case of not wanting to take responsibility for certain things in an adult way - and when it didn't go the way he wanted it (that being me censoring myself for the sake of his comfort) he decided to pack up his ball and go home. All you can do for that is say "Get the hell on, then."

Life stuff prevents you from doing all you want to do, but yes - you still have to make effort when possible.

[inkyrhythm]

Why is it that some people claim to care and yet never listen to a damn word you have to say? Nothing that matters to you is important to them and they just keep trying to turn you into whatever it is they want you to be. I don't understand that. Sorry for the personal rant, but what you said really hit something I'm dealing with.

[jesus_h_biscuit]

Some people just refuse to accept you as you are, or at least as you choose to be. At a certain point, the responsibility is on you to accept it and no longer invest in them. It's really hard sometimes, but necessary. In my case I had a friend who wasn't willing to let his own self righteousness take a seat to his own responsibilities that he chose to place the blame on - and I couldn't be accommodated in any way in this equation, I guess that was too much to ask for. That's fine, but I don't cotton to that kind of shit from anyone, ever.