[je] fic: in memory of swimming pools and starless nights (ohkura, ryo/shige)
because i got some encouraging feedback and also cuz i want to pimp The Love That Chases by
misticloud :)
Title: In Memory of Swimming Pools and Starless Nights
Written: 150608
Summary: One sees more clearly when watching from behind. Ohkura, Ryo/Shige (implied).
Fandom: Johnny's Entertainment.
Notes: This is like a fic of a fic - the brilliant, words-will-never-describe-how-incredible The Love That Chases by
misticloud. She's kindly given me permission to meddle around in this amazing universe she created, and will hopefully forgive any horrible blunders I made while scribbling this. This draws from events from Part 1, and ends a little after Over and Done With. Inspired by Ayaka's 'Why'.
Disclaimer: Is my surname Kitagawa?
The latest gossip in the hotel rooms and the back of the bus for Kanjani8's 47 Prefectures Tour is the wild speculation on who Ryo's mysterious love interest could be. It's typical of Ryo to become secretive and embarrassed when it comes to people he feels strongly for, but even so, he's incredibly tight-lipped this time round.
Of course, that just whets the others' insatiable curiosity all the more. The older members have all tried one time or another to wheedle the information out of him - Yoko and Hina double-teaming, Subaru trying and totally failing to sneak a look at his phone, and even Yassan and Maru have been recruited into making half-hearted attempts at probing.
As the band traverses the country, they gradually give it up, opting to give Ryo his privacy and space, with the exception of their two oldest members, Yoko having been unaccountably riled up once he realised that Uchi KNOWS but refuses to divulge a single thing. Subaru, though, is merely along for the ride.
At the rehearsal before the night's performance in Nagano, Ohkura watches from behind his drumset as they prod Ryo yet again during a break, trailing behind him all over the stage until he gets fed up and goes hide behind Hina.
As they launch into the next song in the set, Ohkura thinks that they've been going about it the wrong way, searching for answers in all the wrong places.
*
Ohkura's seen a lot of things from his spot at the back of the stage. Having to stay in one place while the others move around, watching from a distance, especially in the beginning when he had just joined Kanjani8, had made him feel apart, cut off. But with the months and years, he's grown to appreciate the unique insights he's gained from this under-rated point of view, helping him understand his bandmates more than if he had been standing right next to them.
He knows that this 'interest' of Ryo's isn't something recent. He reckons he can trace it back to the time when Uchi got caught drinking. At first, like the rest of the members, he thinks it's because Ryo is hit harder than they are, having to deal with the fallout on both ends while soldiering on alone. It's a difficult time for all of them, but Ryo puts on a brave front, brushing off the comfort they want to offer him. All they get is the fake, exaggerated smile he pastes on whenever they are performing.
Then they receive the call about Kusano's incident and NewS' subsequent suspension, and Ryo retreats into himself more than ever. Ohkura recalls seeing Ryo taking out his phone that night, staring, brow furrowed, at the screen for a long moment, before snapping it shut and putting it away. It's the first of many times Ohkura observes this and he begins to suspect there is actually more than just work connecting Ryo's heart to Tokyo.
A few times Ryo even seems to be typing something, but Ohkura gets the feeling that those messages are never sent.
*
Ohkura finally learns the identity of the object of Ryo's affections on the morning they embark on the 47 Prefectures tour. He's resting his head on Ryo's shoulder as usual, trying to catch some shut-eye after having been forced to get up early to be in time for their departure, when the text message arrives. From his vantage point, his eyes catches the name 'Shige' before Ryo scrolls down further and his face breaks out into the disgustingly happy expression Subaru later accuses him of having.
He watches Ryo's faraway smile as he gazes out of the window, and suddenly doesn't feel so sleepy anymore.
*
It's quite difficult to hide things when one is on tour, especially from the person whom you sit next to day in and out when travelling and room with when the budget doesn't stretch to single rooms at certain places.
Ohkura learns the cadence of Ryo's moods, how they are inevitably linked to the phone calls he makes every couple of days to his mysterious 'interest' and the ones that he receives from Uchi from time to time. At first he senses the genuine beat of excitement in his words and actions, an upswing he hasn't seen in Ryo for quite a while now. But as the weeks pass, there is a downturn, and the optimism in Ryo's eyes is no longer as bright when he gets off the phone. He still jokes and laughs with them, but there is a hollow ring to it.
Ohkura tries not to think of the time on the bus when he glimpsed the silver trail of liquid trickling down Ryo's cheek as he watched the neon-lit highway speeding past outside the window.
*
Ohkura is dozing lightly, exhausted but still not really able to rest completely after their final concert when Ryo's raised voice pulls him back into consciousness. There is a measure of desperation in it that Ohkura never thought he would hear in Ryo other than when he is acting.
Slowly he sits up, unable to tear his gaze away from Ryo's trembling figure as the other man stammers and stumbles through a long-overdue declaration. He's holding his breath together with Ryo, hoping against hope along with him, his heart breaking a little for his friend as the phone finally falls from nerveless fingers.
When Ryo collapses onto his bed, Ohkura's already there to hold him.
*
After Ryo manages to settle into a semblance of calmness, Ohkura asks him what he plans to do next, carefully looking down at the defeated figure who is using his lap as a pillow. Ryo's phone is resting on the carpet near the windows, where he hurled it after the last failed call to Shige.
Ryo is quiet for a long time and Ohkura guiltily wonders if this question has come too late. Should he have said something earlier, shared this with someone - Hina maybe, or Uchi - asked for advice instead of just keeping silent and observing from behind?
“I just want to be with him... I need to see him, hold him,” Ryo's breath hitches, “I'm sorry, I can't let it be. I can't let it be.” Ohkura knows he's not the one who should be listening to this.
He rests a reassuring hand upon Ryo's hair. “Then go be with him. You've already held back too many times, for way too long.”
Ryo's eyes widen as he catches the meaning behind Ohkura's words. “How did you...?”
“I'm sorry, I wasn't always asleep when you were on the phone.”
Ryo turns away and they lapse into quiet again, but this time it's more tranquil. There's an inexplicable air of relief spreading throughout the room. Ohkura glances at the alarm clock on the bedside table. “The first train bound for Tokyo is going to leave in half an hour.”
Ryo rolls onto his back, his eyes closed as if he's imagining another time and place, then draws in a deep breath. “...You're right.” He pushes off the bed and goes over to the window to pick up his phone, pausing to peer through the curtains at the sky outside.
“Ne, Ohkura, the stars out here are really too bright.”
Ohkura doesn't say anything, merely watching as Ryo grabs his wallet and heads out. The door clicks shut behind him and not long after, looking down from the window, Ohkura can see him climbing into a cab. He watches the tail-lights of the vehicle disappear into the distance.
Whatever happens, believe that you can be happy. Believe in yourself, Ryo.
x-posted to
nishikato.
misticloud :)
Title: In Memory of Swimming Pools and Starless Nights
Written: 150608
Summary: One sees more clearly when watching from behind. Ohkura, Ryo/Shige (implied).
Fandom: Johnny's Entertainment.
Notes: This is like a fic of a fic - the brilliant, words-will-never-describe-how-incredible The Love That Chases by
misticloud. She's kindly given me permission to meddle around in this amazing universe she created, and will hopefully forgive any horrible blunders I made while scribbling this. This draws from events from Part 1, and ends a little after Over and Done With. Inspired by Ayaka's 'Why'.
Disclaimer: Is my surname Kitagawa?
The latest gossip in the hotel rooms and the back of the bus for Kanjani8's 47 Prefectures Tour is the wild speculation on who Ryo's mysterious love interest could be. It's typical of Ryo to become secretive and embarrassed when it comes to people he feels strongly for, but even so, he's incredibly tight-lipped this time round.
Of course, that just whets the others' insatiable curiosity all the more. The older members have all tried one time or another to wheedle the information out of him - Yoko and Hina double-teaming, Subaru trying and totally failing to sneak a look at his phone, and even Yassan and Maru have been recruited into making half-hearted attempts at probing.
As the band traverses the country, they gradually give it up, opting to give Ryo his privacy and space, with the exception of their two oldest members, Yoko having been unaccountably riled up once he realised that Uchi KNOWS but refuses to divulge a single thing. Subaru, though, is merely along for the ride.
At the rehearsal before the night's performance in Nagano, Ohkura watches from behind his drumset as they prod Ryo yet again during a break, trailing behind him all over the stage until he gets fed up and goes hide behind Hina.
As they launch into the next song in the set, Ohkura thinks that they've been going about it the wrong way, searching for answers in all the wrong places.
*
Ohkura's seen a lot of things from his spot at the back of the stage. Having to stay in one place while the others move around, watching from a distance, especially in the beginning when he had just joined Kanjani8, had made him feel apart, cut off. But with the months and years, he's grown to appreciate the unique insights he's gained from this under-rated point of view, helping him understand his bandmates more than if he had been standing right next to them.
He knows that this 'interest' of Ryo's isn't something recent. He reckons he can trace it back to the time when Uchi got caught drinking. At first, like the rest of the members, he thinks it's because Ryo is hit harder than they are, having to deal with the fallout on both ends while soldiering on alone. It's a difficult time for all of them, but Ryo puts on a brave front, brushing off the comfort they want to offer him. All they get is the fake, exaggerated smile he pastes on whenever they are performing.
Then they receive the call about Kusano's incident and NewS' subsequent suspension, and Ryo retreats into himself more than ever. Ohkura recalls seeing Ryo taking out his phone that night, staring, brow furrowed, at the screen for a long moment, before snapping it shut and putting it away. It's the first of many times Ohkura observes this and he begins to suspect there is actually more than just work connecting Ryo's heart to Tokyo.
A few times Ryo even seems to be typing something, but Ohkura gets the feeling that those messages are never sent.
*
Ohkura finally learns the identity of the object of Ryo's affections on the morning they embark on the 47 Prefectures tour. He's resting his head on Ryo's shoulder as usual, trying to catch some shut-eye after having been forced to get up early to be in time for their departure, when the text message arrives. From his vantage point, his eyes catches the name 'Shige' before Ryo scrolls down further and his face breaks out into the disgustingly happy expression Subaru later accuses him of having.
He watches Ryo's faraway smile as he gazes out of the window, and suddenly doesn't feel so sleepy anymore.
*
It's quite difficult to hide things when one is on tour, especially from the person whom you sit next to day in and out when travelling and room with when the budget doesn't stretch to single rooms at certain places.
Ohkura learns the cadence of Ryo's moods, how they are inevitably linked to the phone calls he makes every couple of days to his mysterious 'interest' and the ones that he receives from Uchi from time to time. At first he senses the genuine beat of excitement in his words and actions, an upswing he hasn't seen in Ryo for quite a while now. But as the weeks pass, there is a downturn, and the optimism in Ryo's eyes is no longer as bright when he gets off the phone. He still jokes and laughs with them, but there is a hollow ring to it.
Ohkura tries not to think of the time on the bus when he glimpsed the silver trail of liquid trickling down Ryo's cheek as he watched the neon-lit highway speeding past outside the window.
*
Ohkura is dozing lightly, exhausted but still not really able to rest completely after their final concert when Ryo's raised voice pulls him back into consciousness. There is a measure of desperation in it that Ohkura never thought he would hear in Ryo other than when he is acting.
Slowly he sits up, unable to tear his gaze away from Ryo's trembling figure as the other man stammers and stumbles through a long-overdue declaration. He's holding his breath together with Ryo, hoping against hope along with him, his heart breaking a little for his friend as the phone finally falls from nerveless fingers.
When Ryo collapses onto his bed, Ohkura's already there to hold him.
*
After Ryo manages to settle into a semblance of calmness, Ohkura asks him what he plans to do next, carefully looking down at the defeated figure who is using his lap as a pillow. Ryo's phone is resting on the carpet near the windows, where he hurled it after the last failed call to Shige.
Ryo is quiet for a long time and Ohkura guiltily wonders if this question has come too late. Should he have said something earlier, shared this with someone - Hina maybe, or Uchi - asked for advice instead of just keeping silent and observing from behind?
“I just want to be with him... I need to see him, hold him,” Ryo's breath hitches, “I'm sorry, I can't let it be. I can't let it be.” Ohkura knows he's not the one who should be listening to this.
He rests a reassuring hand upon Ryo's hair. “Then go be with him. You've already held back too many times, for way too long.”
Ryo's eyes widen as he catches the meaning behind Ohkura's words. “How did you...?”
“I'm sorry, I wasn't always asleep when you were on the phone.”
Ryo turns away and they lapse into quiet again, but this time it's more tranquil. There's an inexplicable air of relief spreading throughout the room. Ohkura glances at the alarm clock on the bedside table. “The first train bound for Tokyo is going to leave in half an hour.”
Ryo rolls onto his back, his eyes closed as if he's imagining another time and place, then draws in a deep breath. “...You're right.” He pushes off the bed and goes over to the window to pick up his phone, pausing to peer through the curtains at the sky outside.
“Ne, Ohkura, the stars out here are really too bright.”
Ohkura doesn't say anything, merely watching as Ryo grabs his wallet and heads out. The door clicks shut behind him and not long after, looking down from the window, Ohkura can see him climbing into a cab. He watches the tail-lights of the vehicle disappear into the distance.
Whatever happens, believe that you can be happy. Believe in yourself, Ryo.
x-posted to
nishikato.