She'll blend in - she'll find herself
When asked to list my strengths, flexibility is usually one that comes to mind. Broadly speaking, I consider myself to be a "flexible" person. I've adapted to life in two foreign countries and don't often complain to those around me about unfair, irritating things around the house
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Here's how I see it:
Transitions carry with it a lot that is unknown, tumultuous. When there is too much to do, conflict can arise between different aspects in your life. But when given the permission to be in whatever you new world you find yourself in, you do fine. Immersion is unity in many ways as long as you have permission to be there.
Do you have permission to be where you are, just as you are right now? Is it your own permission? Sometimes it sounds like it might be easier to live in a foreign place without expectations--and that's a sentiment that many people have, "let's get away from it all", but I mean something subtly different. In a new world, all is fresh and new, and the days and scenery are full; but in an old world, we tend to see things around us the way we think they are, and these ( ... )
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It is true that I shrink away from conflict - internet and external. I'd rather snuff out the situation than endure the situation in conflict.
Maybe part of my problem is that ever since I moved here in 2008, I've felt "stuck" here. After I finished school, I was determined not to come back to this area. When the job opened up, though, I felt that I had to take it. Maybe I'm still resentful about that. I chose to fly away in high school and I had to bear the burden of that choice; but this feels more like I've been shipped away against my will. Of course, I chose this, too. I just felt that I had no other option at the time. Maybe I need to "own" this choice and just deal with it - at least until another option presents itself.
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I don't know that it makes you feel better that a lot of us are in analogous predicaments--it usually doesn't help me unless I see that there's a way out! But here: despite the dramaticism I try to inject into my own entries, yeah, I've been stuck since 2008 or so too.
I've found that it doesn't help to deny my uneasiness or frustration with things--sometimes I need to shout out loud, even if I mostly end up posting angsty things on LJ. But I've seen and am beginning to learn, since it takes so long to really learn this, that if there's a condition I don't like, I've got to either come up with a way of doing something about it or not. And least I can do is feel less bad about something that I can't change in this instantMaybe in between those two things is the lesson that-- ( ... )
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Today on the walk to work, as the leaves skipped along the pavement, I was thinking about the value in even the small things. You're right when you say that I have a tendency to think of things as trivial. I think that's why the concept of mono no aware captivated my imagination so strongly in college. Perhaps I need to step back and allow myself to rest, dream, and wonder anew for a while.
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