“Katy are you coming to breakfast?”

Fuck.

I’d fallen back to sleep after 6 am vitals, and suddenly it was quarter to eight and unwelcome morning sunlight was pouring through my window.

Fuck fuck fuck.

I tossed my hospital gown into my laundry basket and sifted through disorganized piles of brand new and to-be-washed clothes, quickly selecting a tie ( Read more... )

“…cuz if that’s what’s buried in my subconscious, let’s just build a Home Depot over it and move on!”

Spent the holiday in the welcome company of Brady and Brian. …whom I was simultaneously…

·         indulgently bouncing between

·         running to & from & back to

·         being passed back and forth by

·         playing with and getting ( Read more... )

Maybe I’m letting go of and embracing the right things, finally.

I went my first 24 hour period of time without throwing up anything. In giving up making thinness my number one priority, other things I’ve considered myself being/becoming:

1. a writer ( Read more... )

I’ve had a hundred million little incidents I’ve wanted to text him throughout the day…because I knew he’d respond with exactly what I needed…I had literally eleven pages of material (non-usable, but physical, legible material no less) I could show for the past fifteen minutes that I’d been filling to distract myself from asking what he was ( Read more... )

The Fickau Fuckery continues.

…as it always will because it is a game I play with myself.

Whoa. Let that sink in for a minute.

“…I’m madly in love with you - and it’s not because of your brains or your personality.” (Little Miss Sunshine - newly committed to directly identifying/crediting anything not said by me)

Brian has been an exercise in ( Read more... )

“…just don’t come complaining to me in ten years. Although you will know where to find me,” laments Norm, waxing poetic to Woody on his wedding day.

“No don’t worry Mr. Peterson - I really love her,” a cherub-faced Harrelson replies, earnestly smitten with his betrothed.

What a gaping chasm of uncertainty in between, both essentially the same ( Read more... )

Things began to get complicated Friday night approximately when I changed my Facebook status to
“[Katy Maier is]trying to get to the bottom of this great muppet caper while watching the Food Network.

Moments later I completely Garden State-d out in front of Brady…something I always swore I thought was the most pointless, self-defeatingly ( Read more... )

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand IN!

with 14 MINUTES TO SPARE on the "changeyourFBstatusbeforeyourexdoes" game that is currently, sadly, your number one priority over the fact that you have lost yet ANOTHER guy to selfishness & vainity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...or, more specifically how YOU are losing your life to selfishness & vanity ( Read more... )

"Honestly, the second you flip your priority from happiness to how you look/much you weigh, everything gets completely fucked."

Me to a friend, before realizing I'd just blown my own mind.

Transcribed from a hand-written, rainbow-colored novella of notebook-torn pages, September 27, 2004.

sixfuckingyearsago.

Just saw orange-hat Jason...thought of you.

Again, feeling like a mentalcase today - but a positive mentalcase today...so that's a plus. I'm not sure how, but I had a voicemail from Brian to wake up to this morning. It was ( Read more... )