je_united 2019 - Gift fic for ladyc2
Je_united gift fic for ladyc2
Title: Avoidance
Pairing: Ryo/Okura
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Language
Summary: It's been a year and Ryo has hardly seen or heard from Okura. He doesn't know what he has one to him to deserve this and is looking for answers.
Notes: I hope you are able to enjoy this fic!
Ryo didn't have much luck with the ladies. When he was younger, though, it was much different. During college he could have any girl he wanted, and he did. Every other week there'd be a new girl on his arm. No one seemed turned off by his blatant play-boy ways. It was almost like a status symbol to be chosen by him. But eventually that lifestyle got tiring. It wasn't fun anymore. As he grew, he wanted something more permanent. But nothing ever lasted. It wasn't that he lost his charm or good looks. He could still walk up to almost any lady in a bar and get them to fall for him.
These flings lasted slightly longer than his old escapades. From a few weeks to a month or two. But things still didn't work out. It wasn't because Ryo couldn't keep them, or that the girls would lose interest. Quite the opposite. Ryo was the one who had no interest.
This last girl he was with was no different. They had been together a month. It felt completely suffocating. She wouldn't give him any space. 24/7, she wanted to be in contact with him, she wanted to be right next to him. She was so clingy he couldn't stand it.
“She just wanted to hold hands!” Yoko said, shocked at the exaggerations coming out of Ryo's mouth. “What is going on with you? You ask us to help you find a girl and Hina and I work our asses off to find someone who hasn't heard your name or reputation yet. Next thing we know, you're single again!”
“It's tough out there.” Ryo took a long swig of his beer.
“Bull shit it is. Not for you. You're giving up way to easily. I don't know what he hell you're looking for, but whatever it is you're not letting us know.”
“Hey, I just broke up with someone, I didn't call you to get scolded. If I wanted that, I'd've called Hina.”
“Why did you call me then? Don't you have other friends?”
“Yasu was busy being one with the ocean, Maru would just make everything into a joke, Hina would just scold me, and Okura-” Ryo paused for a moment, following a bubble up to the top of his cup. “Okura's just busy. You're the only one who'd meet me.”
“Thanks, I like being a last resort.”
“You're not, it's just- Hey I have my own issues to worry about I don't need you adding to it.”
“What did he do now?” A rough voice came from behind him and Ryo quickly covered his head. He's rarely a target of Hina's wrath, but with his track record of troubles he's put them through lately, he'd noticed Hina squeezing his hand into a fist to control himself more and more.
“You invited him here?!” Ryo yelled, glaring at Yoko.
“We had plans before you called me. If anything, you're ruining our night.”
Hina scooted between Yoko's chair and the one at the next table to take a seat next to him. He took one look at Ryo and knew exactly what happened. “Again?”
“Get this, she's clingy because she wants to hold hands.”
“Fuck off, Yoko!”
“That's the sixth one!” Hina sighed heavily, rubbing his forehead. “The hell is wrong with you?”
“Maybe it's you guys, maybe you suck at picking out girls.”
Hina tensed immediately and Ryo tightened his cover over his head. “You're going to be rude and blame your failures on US when YOU'RE the one who can't get a girl on your own so you had to come crawling to US for help?!” As he spoke Hina slowly rose out of his chair and was looming over Ryo. Yoko sat back and kept a hold on Hina's wrist to hold him back in case he were to strike.
“Fine, I take it back!”
Hina sat down with a huff and took a swig of Yoko's beer. Ryo couldn't let his guard completely down. Hina was still wound up and one more rude comment from Ryo could totally set him off. He did appreciate all that his friends had done for him. But nothing was working out. Out of frustration, Ryo called for another beer.
~*~
“He's a motherfucking prick, that's what he is!” Ryo blasted, pounding a fist on the table. His face had turned red, and he was no longer sitting straight in his chair, having to lean half of his body on the table to keep him from sliding onto the floor.
Yoko and Hina met eyes. “Here we go.” Yoko mumbled. “We should've cut him off a while ago.”
“Nah. He needs this. The dumb ass. I can't tell if he's just in extreme denial or he's seriously too stupid to realize.”
“Spoiled-ass brat. Thinks he's so great because Daddy runs some gross food chain.”
“You're full of shit, you frequent that place.” Hina reminded him, but talking to a drunk Ryo was useless. He wouldn't listen.
“I give the bastard years of friendship, true, loyal, good friendship, and how does he repay me? Ignoring my messages, pretending I don't exist. I didn't do anything to him!”
“I thought you said he was busy and that's why he couldn't hang out.” Yoko asked.
“Yeah right. I don't know what the fuck the asshole is doing. He won't talk to me.” He took a long drink from his beer. He'd had so many he'd lost count. He started sniffling.
“Oh boy.” Hina pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and tossed it to Ryo. “Turn the tears off, it's unattractive on you.”
“I'm not crying!” he shouted, but he wiped the trail that had worked it's way down his face.
“Well what'd you do to Okura to make him hate you?”
The word 'hate' seemed to have shot Ryo right in the chest. He crumpled over the table, pulling hard at the cloth in his hands.
Ryo hadn't done anything to make Okura hate him, he was very sure of that. They used to be extremely close. They were able to talk to each other about nearly everything. They hung out several times a week. Every so often they'd stay at each others houses. Slowly, Okura stared to pull away. It wasn't noticeable at first, he'd just been a bit slower answering Ryo when he'd text. He became too busy to hang out each and every time Ryo invited him somewhere he'd be rejected. Ryo found out quickly through their mutual friend Yasuda that those two had been hanging out together quite often, despite Okura's claims of being busy. Ryo couldn't even question Okura on why he had time for Yasu but not him. At that point, Okura stopped answering all together. It hurt not knowing what had changed between them to cause such a rift to cause Okura to completely ignore him.
~*~
The cool air sobered Ryo up enough to be able to make his way to Okura's house. Though it had been a good year since he'd been there, he remembered the path perfectly. He'd spent the night several times, plenty of them unannounced and unplanned. Surely Okura wouldn't be so heartless as to reject him when it was past midnight and chilly.
Ryo stood outside Okura's house, staring up at the second floor window. The whole house looked dark. He must be sleeping. But that also meant he must be in his room. Ryo picked up a pebble from the ground and chucked it at the window, making a light 'tonk' sound. A moment later, he tossed another one. Then another. It took about five more pebbles for a lamp to click on in the room.
The curtain was pulled back and Okura's face appeared in the window, his eyes squinted to try and make out what had been making the noise. He held up his phone and turned on the flashlight and shined it right down on Ryo. Their eyes met and his jaw dropped.
“Let me in.” Ryo yelled. Okura's lip curled into a scowl.
“What're you doing?” Okura asked as he opened the window. “It's the middle of the night.”
“I was in the area. Let me up, I'm cold.”
Okura rolled his eyes and backed up from the window. Ryo took that as a 'come in' and began carefully climbing the wall. In his drunken state he had a few near misses with his footing and almost tumbled down to the ground. But he was able to swing his leg over the window sill and get himself into the toasty room.
“I like what you've done with the place.”
“It hasn't changed.” Okura's cold voice sent a chill down Ryo's spine. That is, until he finally got a good look at his old friend.
“Nice undies.” Ryo said, giggling and pointing at Okura's striped underpants. “It's cold, put pants on.”
“I was perfectly warm in bed until you popped up.” Okura dropped down on his bed, propping himself up on the wall. Ryo plopped down next to him. Ryo had questions he wanted to ask Okura now that he had the chance, but his focus was gone. He couldn't help but stare at Okura's pants. Okura had closed his eyes and didn't notice. Staring down at him made Ryo's stomach flip in an oddly good way. His eyes zoned in on the bugle he could see through the fabric. Becoming giddy and giggly, he had the urge to touch him. Smirking to himself, he reached over and tapped his dick, saying 'Ding, ding!' as he did, throwing him into a laughing fit and making Okura jump up instantly, swearing.
“You really are wasted, aren't you!” he stomped to his drawers and pulled out a pair of thick lounge pants and pulled them on before he went downstairs.
It felt like only seconds to Ryo that Okura had been gone. He'd fallen over, laying against the bed. Okura had to pull him up to get him to drink the water he had brought up for him. “Sober up. How the hell did you make it here alive like this?”
Ryo shrugged, drinking the water like he had a hole in his lip. It trickled down the side of his mouth. Okura clicked his tongue and took the cup away. He sighed heavily as he pulled the collar of Ryo's shirt up to wipe away the water. For a second Okura looked at Ryo's eyes, and he was staring back. His hand froze on his chin. Even drunk, Ryo's gaze was intense.
Their eyes were locked on each other, neither looking away. Ryo couldn't tell if it was the alcohol acting on it's own or if he completely lost control of his impulses, but he couldn't hold himself back anymore. Ryo placed a hand on Okura's face and pulled him in, slamming his mouth against Okura's in the sloppiest way possible.
Ryo wasn't completely sure what happened after that. When he opened his eyes, he noticed it was near impossible to see out of his right eye, and there was a throbbing on his cheek. A napkin was shoved up his nose with dried blood that had dripped down it. A paper was placed on his chest with just one word on it- “Leave”.
~*~
“Did you really get into a fight?” Yasu asked when he opened the door the next morning to find Ryo standing there with an extremely black eye. “Did you go to the doctor?”
“I didn't get into a fight,” Ryo said, inviting himself in. “And no, what're they going to do for me? I have pain killers at home.”
Yasu sighed and looked at him disapprovingly and went to the kitchen to get some ice. Ryo collapsed onto the couch and tried not to swear so loudly when Yasu placed the ice pack on his eye. “So how'd this happen? You didn't just bump into anything this hard.”
“Okura did it.”
“Tacchon?! When did you see him?”
“Last night. I ended up at his house.”
“What'd you do to him?”
Ryo hesitated. He wasn't entirely sure if what had happened the night before was all real or if part of it was a dream. Okura socking him hard in the face certainly was real, but he could have punched him for any number of reasons. Ryo never really had the urge to kiss another guy, much less Okura, before. At least, Ryo tried to convince himself of that. Okura was a really good looking guy after all, and within their friend group everyone had gotten kissed by at least one other member at some point. Maru even made it his goal to get each one of them.
“I might have kissed him.”
Yasu's mouth dropped open, and Ryo closed his eyes tight, pretending it was from pain and not embarrassment. “Why would you do that?”
“I don't know, alright? I don't even know if I really did. I was drunk.”
“I bet you did...” he said playfully, lifting the ice pack.
“Like I would d it on purpose!” Yasu raised an eyebrow and Ryo took back the ice pack to hide behind. His dull headache was intensifying. Yasu mumbled 'if you say so' quietly, almost to himself, but Ryo heard it very clearly.
“Hey, Ryo?” Yasu asked after a few minutes of silence. “You seem pretty worried about Tacchon lately.”
“I'm not worried about him.”
“You sure seem to be. You talk about him all the time.”
“I'm not. I just want to know why he won't talk to me anymore.”
“A day doesn't go by that you don't bring him up in some way.”
Ryo threw the ice pack off his face so hard it hit the wall across from them. “How would you feel, huh? If someone you thought you were close to just suddenly decided they didn't want to be near you anymore? Never talked to you anymore? Don't you think you'd question that a bit?”
“It's happened with other old friendships before and you've never been this upset by it.”
“Some people are different! Some people mean more.”
“How much does Tacchon mean to you?”
“He-” Ryo stopped himself. He never considered why it hurt so much that Okura seemed to just end their friendship. He'd been friends with others that were just as close, if not closer, than Okura and they stopped talking long ago. It never made Ryo's chest hurt to think about. “Why does it matter? He's an ass for acting like this instead of being a grown man and be forward with it all. I didn't even do anything to him.”
~*~
“Any reason you're being all delicate with your hand?”
Okura looked down at his slightly swollen hand. He didn't mean to hit Ryo that hard. But he also didn't intend on having Ryo in his house late at night. Nor did he expect Ryo to suddenly kiss him like he had. Okura didn't feel like answering, so he took another big bite of noodles.
“It wouldn't have to do with Ryo's shiny black eye would it?”
Okura accidentally inhaled the broth and couldn't stop coughing. “What?” he managed to breathe out while choking.
“Yasu sent me a picture.” Once Okura got himself under control Maru showed him the picture. Sure enough, there was Ryo, his whole eye black and swollen shut. Okura looked back at his hand. No wonder it hurt so much.
“Wasn't he out with Yoko and Hina last night? Why'd they let him go wandering around completely drunk?”
“Once Ryo has an idea in his head you really can't stop him can you?”
“Bet they didn't even try...” Maru grinned to himself.
Okura was exhausted and ignored him. He hadn't slept at all the night before. He couldn't, not with Ryo lying knocked out on his bedroom floor. Even if Ryo had been able to leave last night, his mind would not have let him rest. He couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. It wasn't an amazing one by any means. Okura was sure he'd had better ones when he was in elementary school. It was sloppy, wet and hard. He had a bruise in the corner of his mouth from Ryo banging into his face so hard that was either too small for Maru to notice, or he was being too polite to mention it.
“This is a good sign, though!” Maru said in an overly cheery tone.
“How the hell is this good?”
“Well, Ryo came over late last night and gave you a kiss, right?” Okura nodded, making a mental note to kick Yasu's ass for being horrible at keeping things to himself. “Maybe that means he likes you!”
“Ryo's kissed plenty of people drunk. This time isn't any different.”
“But he actually went all the way to your house to do it!”
“I'm telling you, that's not it!” Okura snapped. “Anyway, I've been wanting to get away from him, not get closer.”
“And how has that worked out for you? You happier That way?”
Okura didn't answer. He was fine with not seeing Ryo. It took some time to get Ryo to stop bothering him, but eventually he got the point that Okura didn't want to see him anymore. When the invites stopped, when the messages stopped, that was when Okura stopped being fine with it. Even if he didn't respond, there was still some interaction. There was some comfort in knowing Ryo would to try to send him a message every two days, asking him out for a drink, or out to a bar to see a band play. It was easy to ignore him. Okura didn't anticipate how lonely it would feel once Ryo gave up.
“Yeah, I'm fine.”
“The door is open now, you can change your mind...” he nudged him in the arm. “It really is okay to feel how you do, you know.”
Okura rolled his eyes so hard they would've rolled right out of his head. “Just because you love everyone and fine with that doesn't mean everyone else is.”
He shrugged and smiled. “Well, at least I'm happy embracing it!”
~*~
Okura
Sorry for what I did the other day
I was drunk, you know
You know how stupid I get when I'm drinking.
Please answer
Okura
Every few minutes Ryo checked his phone. Six messages sent and not one reply. He made sure his read receipts were turned on. Okura never even opened his message. Wouldn't Okura have questions too? Wouldn't now be the perfect time to clear things up between them?
Ryo deeply regretted being drunk. If anything, he figured he just made things even worse than they had been before. Now he questioned if he didn't accidentally do something while drunk before. He tried to think back, but it was hard enough to fully remember what he'd just done the night before, much less something from a year ago.
Please tell me if I did something. I don't know what I did
It was well past midnight, but Ryo couldn't sleep. He kept looking at his phone. He knew very well he wouldn't get an answer. He shoved his phone under his mattress and rolled over, shutting his eyes tight to try and get some sleep. Just as soon as he started to drift off, his phone beeped and vibrated. He whipped the phone back out so fast he nearly pulled a muscle.
You didn't do anything.
Ryo stared at the message. He read it again. Then again. And once more. While part of him was excessively excited to get more contact from Okura, the message told him absolutely nothing. If anything, it made him even more confused.
Why are you acting like this then?
Ryo stared at his message app, waiting for another notification to come. Nothing else did.
~*~
“Happy Birthday!” Everyone shouted. Streamers popped and scattered all over the table. Maru sat at the head of the table, smiling like a doofus.
“Thanks everyone!”
Everyone went back to find their chairs. Okura tried to take the seat next to Maru, but Yasu intercepted him to set the cake down.
“I wanted to sit there.”
“Oh, sorry!” Instead of moving like he normally would to be polite, Yasu continued to sit down. Okura looked around the table and the rest of the seats were taken except for the seat next to Ryo.
“Hina, switch with me.”
Hina clicked his tongue. “This has been my spot since I got here.”
“Yoko?” Yoko just shook his head and took a drink.
“Yasu please, switch spots with me.” Okura pleaded, gripping Yasu's shoulder.
“But I made this cake, so I want to make sure it gets cut well and everyone gets an even amount.”
“You can do that from any seat!”
“We can't eat it until you sit down!” Hina scolded, throwing a balled up napkin at Okura's head.
“Why am I even here?” Okura asked as he sat down. He could feel Ryo's eyes on him, but he refused to look back. Okura adjusted his chair so that he faced towards Maru and Yasu. “We could've celebrated by ourselves, the three of us.”
Yasu frowned at Okura's rudeness but Maru piped up before Yasu could. “My one and only birthday wish was to have all of my friends here for my birthday! And it happened. It's been months since we were all together!”
To help cut the tension, Yasu raised his glass and yelled, “Kanpai!” Everyone aside from Ryo and Okura raised their glasses. Okura was glaring daggers at Maru for letting this happen. If looks could kill this would be his last birthday.
The night wore on, the drinks kept coming, the boys got louder and rowdier. Okura was too angry to fully enjoy himself. He'd only managed to have two drinks and wasn't feeling any of it. He glanced next to him and Ryo seemed to be in the same mood, but there was a ridiculous amount of bottles and a few shot glasses in front of him. Ryo had been quiet the entire night, silently drinking himself into a stupor. By now, Okura could tell he was hardly coherent and was having a hard time keeping himself upright and was slowly sliding down his chair.
~*~
“See you guys!” Hina shouted a bit too loudly for the time of night it was. Everyone was waving and saying goodbye. Somehow most of them were able to get to their feet and at least somewhat make their way home decently okay. Ryo had been dragged out of the bar and was propped up on the ground against the wall, entirely passed out.
“Who's taking that guy home?” Okura asked Yasu, who'd been tasked with controlling Maru and making sure he actually made it home and not lost in some other city.
“You'll have to.” he said, dodging a flailing arm and trying to get him to quiet down.
“I'll take Maru home, you're already having issues. I'll be able to handle him better.”
“Ryo's dead weight though. You're taller and will have an easier time dragging him home.”
“Don't do this to me.” Okura begged.
Yasu smiled apologetically. “I'm sorry, but you really are the best one to get him home! You'll be fine. He's knocked out anyway, isn't he?”
“You guys are all assholes, you know how I feel about-”
“He got away!” Yasu exclaimed, taking off down the street toward the sound of manic laughing, but not before yelling 'good luck' to Okura.
Okura's hands shook. Every single one of those guys knew this was the last situation Okura wanted to be in. Especially Yasu and Maru. Even though they were long gone, Okura repeatedly shot both middle fingers in the air at their direction.
From behind him, he heard a groan. Ryo had woken up slightly and was bending over, holding his stomach. Okura's stomach lurched as well.
“No, no, no,” Okura groaned, walking toward Ryo to pick him up. “Don't do it, don't do it....”
It was too late. Ryo heaved once and got sick on the sidewalk. Okura whipped around, unable to handle the sound or sight of another person throwing up. His hand went right to his mouth as he gagged. Even more than before he wished someone else would have taken him home. He didn't know what to do if they both got sick.
Slowly, Ryo quieted down and Okura's own nausea subsided enough for him to go to Ryo. Before helping him to his feet, Okura took a cloth from Ryo's bag to wipe off his face and tried to get the little bit that got on his clothes. He had to do it with his eyes closed or else he'd be the one vomiting. Okura tossed the cloth away in the nearest trash can, promising in his mind he'd get him a new one and send Yasu or someone to give it to him.
Ryo really was dead weight. He wasn't willing to walk at all, just letting his legs fall out from under him. Okura didn't want to carry him on his back with his jacket a mess, but trying to get him home any other way was inconvenient. With Ryo limply situated on his back, Okura made his way to Ryo's home. Okura nearly dropped him a few times when he heard some disconcerting gurgling, but Ryo managed to keep it all in.
~*~
Okura dropped Ryo onto his bed. He was completely out cold, and if Okura hadn't felt his breath on his neck the whole way home he would've thought he was dead. Okura very well could have left Ryo as he was, in his dirty day clothes. Ryo wouldn't even know who to be mad at when he woke up. But his own skin was crawling with the fact that Ryo's throw-up stained clothing was on his back that he couldn't even keep it on himself.
He went to Ryo's drawers and found two shirts and lounge pants. He changed himself first and it all was a bit tight and short on him.
He stood over Ryo, wondering where to start first. He couldn't move. He gripped tight on the clothes in his hands. It's just me being a friend helping another drunk friend that can't help himself , Okura told himself. Even so, he couldn't bring himself to touch Ryo.
Minutes passed and Okura was getting tired. He took a big, deep breath and put the clothes aside next to Ryo. He took care of his shirt first, pulling Ryo up trying to keep him as upright as possible while trying to pull his shirt off. Finally he popped it off Ryo's head and tossed the dirty thing aside. In the rush to get the shirt off and away from him, Okura accidentally let Ryo fall back hard onto the bed.
Okura ducked down at the side of the bed, hiding his head under his hands. He was sure that would at least wake him up a little bit. But as Okura kneeled there, he didn't hear a sound. He peeked up over the bed and Ryo was still sound asleep.
Sighing, Okura sat up. He looked at Ryo's face again, letting his eyes slowly trail downwards. He'd seen Ryo shirtless- hell, even completely naked- countless times since they'd met, but never before had seeing him like this made it harder to breathe. His chest never used to ache like this. He'd been in plenty of relationships and had plenty of break ups, but they never made him feel quite like this. He never felt this scared before.
This wasn't how it's supposed to be. He wasn't supposed to have these kinds of feelings for his friend. When it first started happening, he convinced himself he was sick. He even went to the doctors to make sure there wasn't something going on in his chest. The doctors said there was nothing wrong, but Okura didn't believe them. It wasn't until he realized it strictly happened when he was near Ryo that he knew he was falling for him. And he hated it.
It felt so wrong. His mind kept him up at night imagining different situations he'd be in with previous girlfriends and replacing them with Ryo. Hand holding, cuddling, kissing, making out. It was a battle between those images making him feel extremely good and warm and being disgusted with himself. It was too much for him to handle. Getting away from Ryo seemed like the only thing that might stop it all. It didn't work. Being unable to see him just made him want to give up and go to him. But he feared he wouldn't be able to act normal as they had for years. The only thing Okura thought was worse than feeling this way every time they met was coming out to Ryo and being completely rejected, ruining what they had. Even though he knew ignoring Ryo would eventually have the same outcome, he would at least be able to look back at their old times fondly.
He brought his eyes back to Ryo's face. He hadn't stirred. Okura tapped Ryo's arm lightly. Nothing. He laid his hand down on his arm. Nothing. He gripped and shook his arm, slowly shaking harder. Ryo finally jerked his arm out of Okura's grip but didn't wake up. Okura paused for a moment, waiting to make sure Ryo wasn't about to wake up after bothering him. Then, he slid himself closer to Ryo's face.
His heart was pounding in his ears. They were so close at that moment, closer than they had been in months. The room suddenly felt extremely warm as he stared at Ryo's lips. Countless times he'd thought about kissing him. No matter how much he hated it, how much he wished he didn't want to, the urge was too strong. He would never get a real chance to find out how it would actually be or what it would feel like after. If it made him feel as uncomfortable as thinking about it did, this wasn't what was meant to be. He could force himself out of these thoughts. But if it were to feel as good as it could...he would have to deal with it if it happened.
Okura took a deep breath and leaned forward, pressing his own against Ryo's slightly parted lips. His lips were soft, something he wasn't able to feel when Ryo had forced his kiss. It was much more how Okura had imagined it would feel like. A warmth began pooling in the pit of his stomach, slowly spreading across his body. He rested a hand on Ryo's smooth chest, feeling his heart beating beneath his palm. For the first time that night, he wished Ryo was awake. More than anything, he wanted to feel Ryo's hands on him. He wanted Ryo to kiss him back. But he wouldn't.
Okura pulled back, his breathing heavy and shaky. Ryo hadn't felt a thing. He couldn't be sure if he was thankful for that, or if he was severely disappointed. In any case, he couldn't stay in the same room as Ryo any longer. If he did, Okura was sure he would regret anything he did next. Just glancing at him gave him urges that were becoming increasingly hard to deny himself. He left the bedroom for the bathroom to cool himself down.
It was a while before Okura felt in control of himself again. When he did finally return to the room, Ryo had his arms wrapped around himself, slightly shivering in the chilly room. Okura had felt so warm he didn't even realize the heater wasn't on and forgot he had left Ryo shirtless. Again he propped Ryo up, letting the smaller man lean against his chest as he put the shirt over him. He carefully changed Ryo's pants before covering him up and using the remote to turn the heat up.
It was four AM before Okura laid down on Ryo's couch in the living room. It was too early for the trains to be running, and he was too tired to make the trip anyway. He was exhausted, but his eyes were glued to the ceiling, unwilling to close to give him some relief. Not once through the whole kiss or after did Okura feel as disgusted as he thought, and secretly hoped, he might. His heart was still beating hard in his chest, and he so badly wanted to return to the room. He resisted, and continued staring at the ceiling, praying for sleep to come.
~*~
Ryo tossed and turned, trying to go back to sleep. His stomach was churning and his head was aching so badly he didn't know if he could open his eyes. His mouth felt so dry it was hard to swallow.
Ryo tried to remember how much he drank the night before, but he couldn't remember much of what happened after he made it into the bar. It had been Maru's birthday, and Hina chose to front the bill for everyone. If Ryo was feeling this bad, he knew it had to have been a lot of alcohol. He felt for his phone and instantly regretted turning the blinding screen on. It burned just to look at it. Sure enough there was a text from Hina informing him that he owed him some money for all of his extra orders, and a confusing one from Yasu asking how his night went. Though he couldn't be completely sure, he could've sworn Yasu was at the party. Ryo ignored the messages and tossed his phone to the side. He couldn't stand laying there with the headache anymore and forced himself out of bed to get some medicine.
His body felt extra heavy as he trudged through his apartment. It was dark even though it was after ten. His blinds were drawn and all of the lights were off. The cool water felt good to drink and gave him a very slight relief. Ryo checked the calendar to make sure it really was Sunday, since he didn't plan on doing anything other than lying in bed and sleeping off his hangover.
On the way back to the room, Ryo noticed the reason it was so dark was because there was one of his thick, spare blankets hanging from the curtain rod. There was no way Ryo would have had the balance to be able to hang it. Not only that, he woke up in his room, so there would've been no use for it. Being drunk makes people do weird things, but Ryo had never done that before.
Ryo looked around the room, and everything else seemed to be in order. Nothing out of place, nothing disturbed. Then, he noticed a tuft of brown hair showing over the armrest of the couch. He inched closer, not wanting to disturb whoever it was in case it was someone who sneaked in through the door Ryo probably accidentally left unlocked.
Ryo's heart dropped into his stomach when he looked over the back of the couch and saw Okura there, fast asleep in his own clothing. He looked up at the ceiling, trying to remember what exactly happened the night before to lead to this, but there was nothing. He only remembered arriving at the bar and nothing after. He looked down at himself and realized he wasn't wearing what he had on before.
Okura stirred then, slowly waking up. He stretched , and Ryo couldn't help but stare at the section of skin on his torso that the shirt revealed as it was pulled up. Okura pulled down on the hem, and it was then Ryo realized he was being watched.
He shook his head quickly to snap himself out of it. “What are you doing here?”
Okura sat up, still looking half asleep. “Everyone else left me to take you home. You really need to cut back on the alcohol.”
Ryo rolled his eyes and walked around to the other side of the couch before sitting down. “You're a fine one to talk.”
“I haven't found myself so drunk I bother people in the middle of the night and completely lose consciousness for an entire night in a while.” It'd been so long since they'd had a drink together that Ryo couldn't call Okura out on his bullshit. “You got sick all over the sidewalk too. Got it on yourself and my clothes too.”
Ryo's face heated up in embarrassment. He wasn't so upset he couldn't remember anymore. “So why are you still here?”
“It was 2 AM before we got back here and I couldn't just leave you like you were. And I wouldn't be caught dead walking out in an outfit like this.” Ryo took another look at him. His ankles were showing under the pants that were not his size at all.
“Well, thanks.”
“You owe me more than a thanks.”
“Lets get together some time and I'll make it up to you.”
Ryo was certain he saw Okura's face blush, but Okura turned away so quickly he couldn't be certain. “I was kidding. You don't owe me anything. If anything, it's the others who do.”
“We haven't hung out together in a long time. I want to know what you've been doing. We could catch up.”
“I have better things to do.” Okura said without even a moment of consideration.
A sharp twinge attacked Ryo's heart. “You say that, then I find out from Yasu that you've been with him. Several times. What's up with that?”
“It's none of your business.” Okura stood up from the couch, grabbing his clothes and started putting on his coat, forgetting about the stains.
“Could you stop being an ass for one minute and tell me what I did? There has to be some reason you won't see or talk to me anymore. I have a right to know!”
“Not everything revolves around you!” Okura shouted, snapping the clothes in his hand down sharply. “I have my reasons, and I don't owe you any of them. Things change and you can't stop it. Deal with it.”
He shoved his feet into his shoes he left the house, letting the door slam shut behind him, leaving Ryo standing more confused and hurt than he'd ever been.
~*~
Ryo never got relieved of his hangover that day. The headache and nausea kept coming and going, coinciding with Ryo's thoughts about Okura. Something had changed between them, but Ryo couldn't tell what, and Okura wouldn't even give him a clue. He longed for an explanation of any kind. Even a fake one. Just something to put his mind at ease.
At half past eleven that night, Ryo's phone lit up.
Sorry about earlier.
It was a long night. I wasn't feeling well.
Ryo stared at the two messages, his heart lightening. When minutes passed, he knew better than to expect anymore and knew replying was useless. He was grateful for what he got. For the first time in a while, he fell asleep feeling content.
~*~
“Yasu,” Ryo said, sitting at his friends table, swirling the ice cube around in his drink. His chest had been aching since the night Okura spent the night at his house. He finally replied to Okura's messages, and though he didn't expect anything more, it stung. It had been a very long time since a person had occupied his mind so much. It wasn't the same as before, though. It was more intense than before. The confusion he was feeling about the fact all of his thoughts centered around Okura left him unable to concentrate on anything else. He was exhausted, unable to get a good nights sleep for days.
Once in a while, his mind would wander away from missing him and go to the memory of seeing Okura's waist. He didn't notice it then, but he realized Okura had gone off his diet a bit. He seemed a bit softer than Ryo remembered, but he hardly minded. Okura always seemed happier when he could enjoy whatever food he wanted freely. Ryo found himself wanting to know what the rest of Okura's body looked like, but the thoughts got him more excited than he ever wanted to be while thinking about a friend. The more it happened, the more Ryo found himself accepting it and letting it happen.
There was a light tapping on his head and Ryo shook his head. “Did you actually have something to say or do you just like saying my name?” Though he laughed a little bit, Yasu looked worried. “Did you fall asleep?”
Ryo shook his head again. “I wanted to ask...” Ryo hesitated, taking a deep breath. “How did you feel when you...you know...realized.”
Yasu stared at him, waiting for him to finish his sentence. “Realized what?” He asked when the rest just wasn't coming.
Ryo slid back in his chair, rubbing his face. He sighed heavily. “Realized you were...'that' way.”
Yasu just blinked at him, completely confused. “What way is that?”
Ryo huffed, frustrated with how dense Yasu could be, and he was getting increasingly embarrassed by having to repeat himself. He let his face fall behind his arm on the table.“I just mean realizing you...might feel more for someone like...that. Towards a guy.”
“I wouldn't really know.” Yasu said, shaking his head.
Ryo's head popped up so fast he nearly got a whiplash. “You don't know?”
“No, I don't. I've never really had feelings for a guy.”
“You liar!” Ryo said, pointing at him. “You definitely did! All those times with you and Subaru back then, you two were practically all over each other!”
“That's called showing your friends your love!” Yasu said defensively as his face reddened.
“No, that's friends with benefits!”
“It's called being open-minded and not caring what others think of you and being free to show your affection any way you want!”
Ryo narrowed his eyes at him, still sure he was lying. “You sure?”
“One hundred percent.” Yasu pouted, slumping back into his chair. “I don't know why you guys keep saying that about me.”
Ryo leaned his head back on the table, at a loss. “You're no use then.”
It was quiet for a few moments. “So, you've finally realized then, huh?”
Ryo peeked up over his arm. “What?”
“That you have a thing for Okura.”
Behind his arm, Ryo felt his face heat up. “When did I ever bring up Okura?”
“You didn't have to.”
“Then why-”
“We all just assumed.” Yasu smirked at him, as though he was getting back at him for assuming about him. “I told you before, didn't I? You always talk about him. You're always worried about him. You've been upset with him the entire year and wouldn't let it go.”
“You're full of shit.” Ryo thought back throughout the year and Yasu was right. He didn't realize just how long he'd been doing that all for. He didn't want to fully admit it to Yasu, though he knew out of any member he would be the most understanding and wouldn't make fun of him.
“It's true. Get a few drink in you and you'd be a near open book. Not that you explicitly said your actual feelings, but it was obvious enough. Yoko and Hina definitely thought something was up when you had zero interest in the most attractive girls they set you up with and instead chose to complain about Okura not giving you any attention.”
Ryo felt like a complete brat when Yasu put it that way. It wasn't even obvious to himself when things continued to end badly between him and the girls. But even when he was with the girls he couldn't stop thinking about Okura. Things started falling into place, and Ryo couldn't help feeling completely stupid for not realizing sooner.
“Don't worry,” Yasu said, patting Ryo's arm. “We all support you two.”
While Ryo appreciated the sentiment, it wasn't exactly a comfort, considering who that support was coming from. Then, he realized what Yasu said.“Wait, 'you two'?” Yasu just smiled and nodded. “What do you mean?”
~*~
Ryo stood, again, outside of Okura's house. It was the middle of the night and the winter air was especially cold. He could have been a normal person and waited until morning when Okura would actually be awake. But he was restless. Not one part of him could relax enough to let him be at ease. The only thing he wanted to do was talk to Okura. After the few times in the last couple weeks he was able to see and communicate with him, not being around him made him feel like he was going through withdrawal. Ryo tried to tell himself he was being dramatic and tried to cool himself off, but it didn't work. It just wouldn't go away.
Picking up a few small rocks he chucked them at the window. This time, no light turned on. He threw three more, but the room stayed dark.
Hey, Ryo texted. I'm outside.
He waited a few minutes for a reply and none came. Please let me in.
More time went by with nothing. Okura was a decently heavy sleeper, so he wasn't necessarily ignoring him. Instead of trying to text again, he dialed Okura's number. He sat down leaning against the wall, listening to the ring. Voicemail answered. He tried once more, deciding if he didn't answer this time, he would give up and go home. It rang, and rang, and rang. Ryo's heart sank deep down. He got voicemail again and was about to hang up when he heard a groggy voice answer, “Hello?”
As far as it sank down, his heart jumped right up into his throat. He was ready to quit and whatever he had planned to say had left his mind the moment he heard Okura's voice. “It's Ryo.”
“I could tell,” Okura yawned. “I have caller ID. Do you know what time it is?”
“Yeah, sorry. I had to talk to you though.”
“You can call back in the morning.”
“I'm outside.”
There was a pause, and Ryo could hear the subtle, quiet sound of Okura moving around. He looked up, tilting his body back so he could see the window, and Okura was looking down on him. “Hold on.” Okura said before hanging up the phone. Minutes later the front door opened. “Don't you remember what happened the last time you were here?”
“I didn't drink anything this time, I swear.” Okura moved aside to let Ryo in. They went into the living room, where Okura turned on the light before taking a seat on the couch.
“So what did you need to talk about so badly that you felt the need to wake me up in the middle of the night?” Okura asked, rubbing the remaining sleep from his eyes.
Ryo hesitated, not knowing exactly where to start. He was aware of how he felt, knew exactly what it was, but he wasn't sure he had completely accepted it yet. But this desperation he felt told him nothing was going to change about it any time soon.
Taking a deep breath, he said, “Yasu told me why you've been avoiding me.”
Okura sighed heavily, slumping against the couch. He rubbed his hands up and down his face, muttering something Ryo couldn't completely make out, but a few swear words were sprinkled in there. He didn't respond to Ryo, and wouldn't take his hands off his face, but Ryo knew Yasu didn't have long to live now.
“You could've said something.”
Okura let his hands fall onto his lap. “Like you would have?” It was true, if Ryo had been in Okura's position, he most likely would have reacted in the same way. “Anyway I was dealing with it just fine. You didn't have to know.”
“Well I wasn't dealing with it fine. I thought you fucking hated me because you just dropped off the planet with no explanation at all and everyone was always asking me what the hell I did to you.” He let himself get angry, but that wasn't going to get him anywhere. Okura was being open with him right now, he didn't want to ruin anything. “I couldn't stand it. Apparently I wouldn't shut up about you and this whole situation, but I don't remember it really.”
Okura wouldn't turn to him, but out of the corner of his eye he looked at Ryo, looking as tired as he felt. “Maybe I could've said something, but nothing I would've come up with would have been a good enough reason.”
“You couldn't even do it right. You forget, we have mutual friends, ones with big mouths. If you really wanted to get rid of me you should've moved.”
“Would that have been better? Would you have accepted that?”
“At least I could've made up a better reason! But with you hanging around here with Maru and Yasu but completely ignoring me, there wasn't any reason.”
“Sorry.”
Ryo couldn't tell if he was being sincere or if he was just trying to get Ryo off his back. Silence fell between them. Ryo didn't know what to say next. Deep down he was still mad at Okura for what he did, but he also knew he didn't mean harm by it, so it was hard to scold him for it.
“I didn't ask for this, okay?” Okura said so quietly Ryo almost missed it. “I don't want to be this way, alright? I tried to get rid of these feelings. It didn't work.”
Okura was frowning deeply. Ryo could almost feel the pain Okura had been going through all this time. Ryo could only what he was going through, how hurt he felt, but it paled in comparison to Okura fighting with himself. Now that Ryo thought about it, he was surprised he was able to come to terms with himself as easily as he had. He couldn't relate to Okura on this in any way.
“It's not so bad, is it?”
Okura clicked his tongue. “You don't even know.”
“Maybe not exactly, but I've had to come to terms with myself lately, you know.
“It's hard you kn-...what?” Okura met Ryo's eyes, and this time Ryo looked away, nodding. He could hear Okura's breathing quicken, but he quickly changed subjects. He wasn't fully ready to fully tackle that conversation yet. “Anyway, that sounded like something Maru would say. You didn't talk to him, did you?”
“No. I told you I was talking to Yasu.”
“Aah,” Okura said, nodding. “I guess he'd know too.”
“Actually no. He told me he's never liked a guy before.”
Okura's head snapped toward him, utter confusion all over his face. “What?”
“That's what I said.”
“He's gotta be full of it.” Okura said, mumbling that he'd have to find out from him later.
Another short moment of silence passed as Ryo considered what he wanted to say. Quickly weighing the pros and cons in his decision, whether the risk was worth it all or not. “We could just try it out, you know.” Ryo said, looking down at his hands as he fidgeted with them. He could feel Okura staring at him, as though he was trying to gauge how serious Ryo was being.
“I don't know. Like I said this isn't exactly what I wanted.”
“But you do want it. Don't you?” Okura looked away but didn't deny it. “What's the worst that could happen anyway?”
“It doesn't work out and we'll either end up completely distant from each other or end up hating each other, which will just make everything worse since we have the same friends so getting together will be hell.”
“You've thought too hard about that.” Okura shrugged, suddenly having a grumpy look on his face. As lame as Ryo would think it was to do, and despite how much just thinking about it made his hands shake, he reached over and took Okura's hand in his. “Don't think about it then. Whatever happens, happens.”
Okura's arm tensed, but after a few minutes he relaxed. “What's with you? You're not normally like this.”
“I'm exhausted and have been trying to chase you down for a year. Enough happened recently. Just decide before I change my mind.”
Okura chuckled to himself, then nodded. “Fine. Since you want it so much.”
They both finally looked at each other properly. Both of them were red from embarrassment at the exchange they just had, but neither could deny they were over the moon at the moment. Okura leaned in and kissed Ryo first, letting go of every reservation he had before. He finally felt free. Ryo put a hand on the back of Okura's head, his fingers spreading through his hair, using his other hand to pull him closer, giving him a proper kiss back.
~*~
The moment they entered Yoko's house, Ryo and Okura were assaulted with confetti poppers. “Congratulations!” They all shouted. The two shook off the sparkles and rolled their eyes like they were annoyed.
“It's not that big of a deal.” Ryo said stepping up into the house and heading to the kitchen to grab himself a drink.
“You think we're celebrating for you two?” Yoko said. “We're celebrating our freedom from listening to the two of you bellyache about each other nonstop. No more drunken nights listening to In-Denial-Ryo whine and cry about his precious Okura ignoring the shit out of him.”
“We're also finally done with our job trying to impossibly hook Ryo up.” Hina added.
“And you guys didn't even finish your job. Good thing you weren't a service because I wouldn't be paying you anything.”
Yoko put a hand on Ryo's shoulder and smirked at him. “Are you sure we didn't finish our job?”
Hina took Ryo's other shoulder. “Either way, I think we should be compensated for all the work we did do that was ultimately wasted by you.”
Okura could hear the oldest two laughing darkly at Ryo, and he considered going over to save him, but he was also sure he deserved whatever they were doing to him. He took a seat on the couch opposite Maru and Yasu. “I'm just glad you've finally accepted yourself. And, you can finally say I was right all along!”
“Shut up.” said Okura. “That'll never happen.”
“But I was right!!”
“It's nice to see you so happy!” Yasu interrupted what was sure to turn into an argument between the two. “I was worried about you for a while.”
“Oh yeah, I could tell. So worried. You definitely looked out for me by doing the exact opposite of what I asked!”
“If we didn't, you wouldn't be where you are now, would you?”
“They're right,” Ryo said, pressing a beer into Okura's face. Okura took it and Ryo sat down next to him. “You could still be sitting alone at home, pining over me.”
Okura didn't notice how close Ryo got to him, his face less than an inch away. The others seemed to melt somewhere far away.
“If anyone was 'pining', it was you.” Their noses were practically touching, but Okura pulled back the slightest bit, wanting Ryo to work for what he wanted.
“I think we both know who really would be.” He grabbed onto Okura's head to keep him from leaning back any further and pressed his mouth against Okura's, only managing to get him to open his mouth a tiny bit before a loud voice interrupted them.
“Alright, alright,” Yoko said. “We're happy for you guys and all but that doesn't mean we want to see you two making out.
Still bitter from the harassment Ryo just received from Yoko, without warning Ryo forced himself into Okura's mouth, kissing him deeply while managing to make direct eye contact with Yoko, who tried to throw a game case at him but missed. Okura pushed him off, needing to be able to breathe and kicking Ryo for what he'd done.
Maru jumped up and bounded over to the couch, taking the moment of separation between the two to sit himself between them, and though both Ryo and Okura protested, Maru managed to wrap his arms around both of their shoulders. “It's Christmas time everyone! Who brought the presents?”
“How old are you again, five?” Hina asked, but began passing out the gifts everyone had brought for each other.
Ryo looked over at Okura, who was pouting fiercely. Okura met Ryo's eyes and rolled his eyes at Maru who didn't seem like he was about to move any time soon.
“Later,” Ryo mouthed, giving Okura a wink. Okura nodded, knowing Ryo had a much better gift waiting for him at home than anyone there could give him.
END
Title: Avoidance
Pairing: Ryo/Okura
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Language
Summary: It's been a year and Ryo has hardly seen or heard from Okura. He doesn't know what he has one to him to deserve this and is looking for answers.
Notes: I hope you are able to enjoy this fic!
Ryo didn't have much luck with the ladies. When he was younger, though, it was much different. During college he could have any girl he wanted, and he did. Every other week there'd be a new girl on his arm. No one seemed turned off by his blatant play-boy ways. It was almost like a status symbol to be chosen by him. But eventually that lifestyle got tiring. It wasn't fun anymore. As he grew, he wanted something more permanent. But nothing ever lasted. It wasn't that he lost his charm or good looks. He could still walk up to almost any lady in a bar and get them to fall for him.
These flings lasted slightly longer than his old escapades. From a few weeks to a month or two. But things still didn't work out. It wasn't because Ryo couldn't keep them, or that the girls would lose interest. Quite the opposite. Ryo was the one who had no interest.
This last girl he was with was no different. They had been together a month. It felt completely suffocating. She wouldn't give him any space. 24/7, she wanted to be in contact with him, she wanted to be right next to him. She was so clingy he couldn't stand it.
“She just wanted to hold hands!” Yoko said, shocked at the exaggerations coming out of Ryo's mouth. “What is going on with you? You ask us to help you find a girl and Hina and I work our asses off to find someone who hasn't heard your name or reputation yet. Next thing we know, you're single again!”
“It's tough out there.” Ryo took a long swig of his beer.
“Bull shit it is. Not for you. You're giving up way to easily. I don't know what he hell you're looking for, but whatever it is you're not letting us know.”
“Hey, I just broke up with someone, I didn't call you to get scolded. If I wanted that, I'd've called Hina.”
“Why did you call me then? Don't you have other friends?”
“Yasu was busy being one with the ocean, Maru would just make everything into a joke, Hina would just scold me, and Okura-” Ryo paused for a moment, following a bubble up to the top of his cup. “Okura's just busy. You're the only one who'd meet me.”
“Thanks, I like being a last resort.”
“You're not, it's just- Hey I have my own issues to worry about I don't need you adding to it.”
“What did he do now?” A rough voice came from behind him and Ryo quickly covered his head. He's rarely a target of Hina's wrath, but with his track record of troubles he's put them through lately, he'd noticed Hina squeezing his hand into a fist to control himself more and more.
“You invited him here?!” Ryo yelled, glaring at Yoko.
“We had plans before you called me. If anything, you're ruining our night.”
Hina scooted between Yoko's chair and the one at the next table to take a seat next to him. He took one look at Ryo and knew exactly what happened. “Again?”
“Get this, she's clingy because she wants to hold hands.”
“Fuck off, Yoko!”
“That's the sixth one!” Hina sighed heavily, rubbing his forehead. “The hell is wrong with you?”
“Maybe it's you guys, maybe you suck at picking out girls.”
Hina tensed immediately and Ryo tightened his cover over his head. “You're going to be rude and blame your failures on US when YOU'RE the one who can't get a girl on your own so you had to come crawling to US for help?!” As he spoke Hina slowly rose out of his chair and was looming over Ryo. Yoko sat back and kept a hold on Hina's wrist to hold him back in case he were to strike.
“Fine, I take it back!”
Hina sat down with a huff and took a swig of Yoko's beer. Ryo couldn't let his guard completely down. Hina was still wound up and one more rude comment from Ryo could totally set him off. He did appreciate all that his friends had done for him. But nothing was working out. Out of frustration, Ryo called for another beer.
~*~
“He's a motherfucking prick, that's what he is!” Ryo blasted, pounding a fist on the table. His face had turned red, and he was no longer sitting straight in his chair, having to lean half of his body on the table to keep him from sliding onto the floor.
Yoko and Hina met eyes. “Here we go.” Yoko mumbled. “We should've cut him off a while ago.”
“Nah. He needs this. The dumb ass. I can't tell if he's just in extreme denial or he's seriously too stupid to realize.”
“Spoiled-ass brat. Thinks he's so great because Daddy runs some gross food chain.”
“You're full of shit, you frequent that place.” Hina reminded him, but talking to a drunk Ryo was useless. He wouldn't listen.
“I give the bastard years of friendship, true, loyal, good friendship, and how does he repay me? Ignoring my messages, pretending I don't exist. I didn't do anything to him!”
“I thought you said he was busy and that's why he couldn't hang out.” Yoko asked.
“Yeah right. I don't know what the fuck the asshole is doing. He won't talk to me.” He took a long drink from his beer. He'd had so many he'd lost count. He started sniffling.
“Oh boy.” Hina pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and tossed it to Ryo. “Turn the tears off, it's unattractive on you.”
“I'm not crying!” he shouted, but he wiped the trail that had worked it's way down his face.
“Well what'd you do to Okura to make him hate you?”
The word 'hate' seemed to have shot Ryo right in the chest. He crumpled over the table, pulling hard at the cloth in his hands.
Ryo hadn't done anything to make Okura hate him, he was very sure of that. They used to be extremely close. They were able to talk to each other about nearly everything. They hung out several times a week. Every so often they'd stay at each others houses. Slowly, Okura stared to pull away. It wasn't noticeable at first, he'd just been a bit slower answering Ryo when he'd text. He became too busy to hang out each and every time Ryo invited him somewhere he'd be rejected. Ryo found out quickly through their mutual friend Yasuda that those two had been hanging out together quite often, despite Okura's claims of being busy. Ryo couldn't even question Okura on why he had time for Yasu but not him. At that point, Okura stopped answering all together. It hurt not knowing what had changed between them to cause such a rift to cause Okura to completely ignore him.
~*~
The cool air sobered Ryo up enough to be able to make his way to Okura's house. Though it had been a good year since he'd been there, he remembered the path perfectly. He'd spent the night several times, plenty of them unannounced and unplanned. Surely Okura wouldn't be so heartless as to reject him when it was past midnight and chilly.
Ryo stood outside Okura's house, staring up at the second floor window. The whole house looked dark. He must be sleeping. But that also meant he must be in his room. Ryo picked up a pebble from the ground and chucked it at the window, making a light 'tonk' sound. A moment later, he tossed another one. Then another. It took about five more pebbles for a lamp to click on in the room.
The curtain was pulled back and Okura's face appeared in the window, his eyes squinted to try and make out what had been making the noise. He held up his phone and turned on the flashlight and shined it right down on Ryo. Their eyes met and his jaw dropped.
“Let me in.” Ryo yelled. Okura's lip curled into a scowl.
“What're you doing?” Okura asked as he opened the window. “It's the middle of the night.”
“I was in the area. Let me up, I'm cold.”
Okura rolled his eyes and backed up from the window. Ryo took that as a 'come in' and began carefully climbing the wall. In his drunken state he had a few near misses with his footing and almost tumbled down to the ground. But he was able to swing his leg over the window sill and get himself into the toasty room.
“I like what you've done with the place.”
“It hasn't changed.” Okura's cold voice sent a chill down Ryo's spine. That is, until he finally got a good look at his old friend.
“Nice undies.” Ryo said, giggling and pointing at Okura's striped underpants. “It's cold, put pants on.”
“I was perfectly warm in bed until you popped up.” Okura dropped down on his bed, propping himself up on the wall. Ryo plopped down next to him. Ryo had questions he wanted to ask Okura now that he had the chance, but his focus was gone. He couldn't help but stare at Okura's pants. Okura had closed his eyes and didn't notice. Staring down at him made Ryo's stomach flip in an oddly good way. His eyes zoned in on the bugle he could see through the fabric. Becoming giddy and giggly, he had the urge to touch him. Smirking to himself, he reached over and tapped his dick, saying 'Ding, ding!' as he did, throwing him into a laughing fit and making Okura jump up instantly, swearing.
“You really are wasted, aren't you!” he stomped to his drawers and pulled out a pair of thick lounge pants and pulled them on before he went downstairs.
It felt like only seconds to Ryo that Okura had been gone. He'd fallen over, laying against the bed. Okura had to pull him up to get him to drink the water he had brought up for him. “Sober up. How the hell did you make it here alive like this?”
Ryo shrugged, drinking the water like he had a hole in his lip. It trickled down the side of his mouth. Okura clicked his tongue and took the cup away. He sighed heavily as he pulled the collar of Ryo's shirt up to wipe away the water. For a second Okura looked at Ryo's eyes, and he was staring back. His hand froze on his chin. Even drunk, Ryo's gaze was intense.
Their eyes were locked on each other, neither looking away. Ryo couldn't tell if it was the alcohol acting on it's own or if he completely lost control of his impulses, but he couldn't hold himself back anymore. Ryo placed a hand on Okura's face and pulled him in, slamming his mouth against Okura's in the sloppiest way possible.
Ryo wasn't completely sure what happened after that. When he opened his eyes, he noticed it was near impossible to see out of his right eye, and there was a throbbing on his cheek. A napkin was shoved up his nose with dried blood that had dripped down it. A paper was placed on his chest with just one word on it- “Leave”.
~*~
“Did you really get into a fight?” Yasu asked when he opened the door the next morning to find Ryo standing there with an extremely black eye. “Did you go to the doctor?”
“I didn't get into a fight,” Ryo said, inviting himself in. “And no, what're they going to do for me? I have pain killers at home.”
Yasu sighed and looked at him disapprovingly and went to the kitchen to get some ice. Ryo collapsed onto the couch and tried not to swear so loudly when Yasu placed the ice pack on his eye. “So how'd this happen? You didn't just bump into anything this hard.”
“Okura did it.”
“Tacchon?! When did you see him?”
“Last night. I ended up at his house.”
“What'd you do to him?”
Ryo hesitated. He wasn't entirely sure if what had happened the night before was all real or if part of it was a dream. Okura socking him hard in the face certainly was real, but he could have punched him for any number of reasons. Ryo never really had the urge to kiss another guy, much less Okura, before. At least, Ryo tried to convince himself of that. Okura was a really good looking guy after all, and within their friend group everyone had gotten kissed by at least one other member at some point. Maru even made it his goal to get each one of them.
“I might have kissed him.”
Yasu's mouth dropped open, and Ryo closed his eyes tight, pretending it was from pain and not embarrassment. “Why would you do that?”
“I don't know, alright? I don't even know if I really did. I was drunk.”
“I bet you did...” he said playfully, lifting the ice pack.
“Like I would d it on purpose!” Yasu raised an eyebrow and Ryo took back the ice pack to hide behind. His dull headache was intensifying. Yasu mumbled 'if you say so' quietly, almost to himself, but Ryo heard it very clearly.
“Hey, Ryo?” Yasu asked after a few minutes of silence. “You seem pretty worried about Tacchon lately.”
“I'm not worried about him.”
“You sure seem to be. You talk about him all the time.”
“I'm not. I just want to know why he won't talk to me anymore.”
“A day doesn't go by that you don't bring him up in some way.”
Ryo threw the ice pack off his face so hard it hit the wall across from them. “How would you feel, huh? If someone you thought you were close to just suddenly decided they didn't want to be near you anymore? Never talked to you anymore? Don't you think you'd question that a bit?”
“It's happened with other old friendships before and you've never been this upset by it.”
“Some people are different! Some people mean more.”
“How much does Tacchon mean to you?”
“He-” Ryo stopped himself. He never considered why it hurt so much that Okura seemed to just end their friendship. He'd been friends with others that were just as close, if not closer, than Okura and they stopped talking long ago. It never made Ryo's chest hurt to think about. “Why does it matter? He's an ass for acting like this instead of being a grown man and be forward with it all. I didn't even do anything to him.”
~*~
“Any reason you're being all delicate with your hand?”
Okura looked down at his slightly swollen hand. He didn't mean to hit Ryo that hard. But he also didn't intend on having Ryo in his house late at night. Nor did he expect Ryo to suddenly kiss him like he had. Okura didn't feel like answering, so he took another big bite of noodles.
“It wouldn't have to do with Ryo's shiny black eye would it?”
Okura accidentally inhaled the broth and couldn't stop coughing. “What?” he managed to breathe out while choking.
“Yasu sent me a picture.” Once Okura got himself under control Maru showed him the picture. Sure enough, there was Ryo, his whole eye black and swollen shut. Okura looked back at his hand. No wonder it hurt so much.
“Wasn't he out with Yoko and Hina last night? Why'd they let him go wandering around completely drunk?”
“Once Ryo has an idea in his head you really can't stop him can you?”
“Bet they didn't even try...” Maru grinned to himself.
Okura was exhausted and ignored him. He hadn't slept at all the night before. He couldn't, not with Ryo lying knocked out on his bedroom floor. Even if Ryo had been able to leave last night, his mind would not have let him rest. He couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. It wasn't an amazing one by any means. Okura was sure he'd had better ones when he was in elementary school. It was sloppy, wet and hard. He had a bruise in the corner of his mouth from Ryo banging into his face so hard that was either too small for Maru to notice, or he was being too polite to mention it.
“This is a good sign, though!” Maru said in an overly cheery tone.
“How the hell is this good?”
“Well, Ryo came over late last night and gave you a kiss, right?” Okura nodded, making a mental note to kick Yasu's ass for being horrible at keeping things to himself. “Maybe that means he likes you!”
“Ryo's kissed plenty of people drunk. This time isn't any different.”
“But he actually went all the way to your house to do it!”
“I'm telling you, that's not it!” Okura snapped. “Anyway, I've been wanting to get away from him, not get closer.”
“And how has that worked out for you? You happier That way?”
Okura didn't answer. He was fine with not seeing Ryo. It took some time to get Ryo to stop bothering him, but eventually he got the point that Okura didn't want to see him anymore. When the invites stopped, when the messages stopped, that was when Okura stopped being fine with it. Even if he didn't respond, there was still some interaction. There was some comfort in knowing Ryo would to try to send him a message every two days, asking him out for a drink, or out to a bar to see a band play. It was easy to ignore him. Okura didn't anticipate how lonely it would feel once Ryo gave up.
“Yeah, I'm fine.”
“The door is open now, you can change your mind...” he nudged him in the arm. “It really is okay to feel how you do, you know.”
Okura rolled his eyes so hard they would've rolled right out of his head. “Just because you love everyone and fine with that doesn't mean everyone else is.”
He shrugged and smiled. “Well, at least I'm happy embracing it!”
~*~
Okura
Sorry for what I did the other day
I was drunk, you know
You know how stupid I get when I'm drinking.
Please answer
Okura
Every few minutes Ryo checked his phone. Six messages sent and not one reply. He made sure his read receipts were turned on. Okura never even opened his message. Wouldn't Okura have questions too? Wouldn't now be the perfect time to clear things up between them?
Ryo deeply regretted being drunk. If anything, he figured he just made things even worse than they had been before. Now he questioned if he didn't accidentally do something while drunk before. He tried to think back, but it was hard enough to fully remember what he'd just done the night before, much less something from a year ago.
Please tell me if I did something. I don't know what I did
It was well past midnight, but Ryo couldn't sleep. He kept looking at his phone. He knew very well he wouldn't get an answer. He shoved his phone under his mattress and rolled over, shutting his eyes tight to try and get some sleep. Just as soon as he started to drift off, his phone beeped and vibrated. He whipped the phone back out so fast he nearly pulled a muscle.
You didn't do anything.
Ryo stared at the message. He read it again. Then again. And once more. While part of him was excessively excited to get more contact from Okura, the message told him absolutely nothing. If anything, it made him even more confused.
Why are you acting like this then?
Ryo stared at his message app, waiting for another notification to come. Nothing else did.
~*~
“Happy Birthday!” Everyone shouted. Streamers popped and scattered all over the table. Maru sat at the head of the table, smiling like a doofus.
“Thanks everyone!”
Everyone went back to find their chairs. Okura tried to take the seat next to Maru, but Yasu intercepted him to set the cake down.
“I wanted to sit there.”
“Oh, sorry!” Instead of moving like he normally would to be polite, Yasu continued to sit down. Okura looked around the table and the rest of the seats were taken except for the seat next to Ryo.
“Hina, switch with me.”
Hina clicked his tongue. “This has been my spot since I got here.”
“Yoko?” Yoko just shook his head and took a drink.
“Yasu please, switch spots with me.” Okura pleaded, gripping Yasu's shoulder.
“But I made this cake, so I want to make sure it gets cut well and everyone gets an even amount.”
“You can do that from any seat!”
“We can't eat it until you sit down!” Hina scolded, throwing a balled up napkin at Okura's head.
“Why am I even here?” Okura asked as he sat down. He could feel Ryo's eyes on him, but he refused to look back. Okura adjusted his chair so that he faced towards Maru and Yasu. “We could've celebrated by ourselves, the three of us.”
Yasu frowned at Okura's rudeness but Maru piped up before Yasu could. “My one and only birthday wish was to have all of my friends here for my birthday! And it happened. It's been months since we were all together!”
To help cut the tension, Yasu raised his glass and yelled, “Kanpai!” Everyone aside from Ryo and Okura raised their glasses. Okura was glaring daggers at Maru for letting this happen. If looks could kill this would be his last birthday.
The night wore on, the drinks kept coming, the boys got louder and rowdier. Okura was too angry to fully enjoy himself. He'd only managed to have two drinks and wasn't feeling any of it. He glanced next to him and Ryo seemed to be in the same mood, but there was a ridiculous amount of bottles and a few shot glasses in front of him. Ryo had been quiet the entire night, silently drinking himself into a stupor. By now, Okura could tell he was hardly coherent and was having a hard time keeping himself upright and was slowly sliding down his chair.
~*~
“See you guys!” Hina shouted a bit too loudly for the time of night it was. Everyone was waving and saying goodbye. Somehow most of them were able to get to their feet and at least somewhat make their way home decently okay. Ryo had been dragged out of the bar and was propped up on the ground against the wall, entirely passed out.
“Who's taking that guy home?” Okura asked Yasu, who'd been tasked with controlling Maru and making sure he actually made it home and not lost in some other city.
“You'll have to.” he said, dodging a flailing arm and trying to get him to quiet down.
“I'll take Maru home, you're already having issues. I'll be able to handle him better.”
“Ryo's dead weight though. You're taller and will have an easier time dragging him home.”
“Don't do this to me.” Okura begged.
Yasu smiled apologetically. “I'm sorry, but you really are the best one to get him home! You'll be fine. He's knocked out anyway, isn't he?”
“You guys are all assholes, you know how I feel about-”
“He got away!” Yasu exclaimed, taking off down the street toward the sound of manic laughing, but not before yelling 'good luck' to Okura.
Okura's hands shook. Every single one of those guys knew this was the last situation Okura wanted to be in. Especially Yasu and Maru. Even though they were long gone, Okura repeatedly shot both middle fingers in the air at their direction.
From behind him, he heard a groan. Ryo had woken up slightly and was bending over, holding his stomach. Okura's stomach lurched as well.
“No, no, no,” Okura groaned, walking toward Ryo to pick him up. “Don't do it, don't do it....”
It was too late. Ryo heaved once and got sick on the sidewalk. Okura whipped around, unable to handle the sound or sight of another person throwing up. His hand went right to his mouth as he gagged. Even more than before he wished someone else would have taken him home. He didn't know what to do if they both got sick.
Slowly, Ryo quieted down and Okura's own nausea subsided enough for him to go to Ryo. Before helping him to his feet, Okura took a cloth from Ryo's bag to wipe off his face and tried to get the little bit that got on his clothes. He had to do it with his eyes closed or else he'd be the one vomiting. Okura tossed the cloth away in the nearest trash can, promising in his mind he'd get him a new one and send Yasu or someone to give it to him.
Ryo really was dead weight. He wasn't willing to walk at all, just letting his legs fall out from under him. Okura didn't want to carry him on his back with his jacket a mess, but trying to get him home any other way was inconvenient. With Ryo limply situated on his back, Okura made his way to Ryo's home. Okura nearly dropped him a few times when he heard some disconcerting gurgling, but Ryo managed to keep it all in.
~*~
Okura dropped Ryo onto his bed. He was completely out cold, and if Okura hadn't felt his breath on his neck the whole way home he would've thought he was dead. Okura very well could have left Ryo as he was, in his dirty day clothes. Ryo wouldn't even know who to be mad at when he woke up. But his own skin was crawling with the fact that Ryo's throw-up stained clothing was on his back that he couldn't even keep it on himself.
He went to Ryo's drawers and found two shirts and lounge pants. He changed himself first and it all was a bit tight and short on him.
He stood over Ryo, wondering where to start first. He couldn't move. He gripped tight on the clothes in his hands. It's just me being a friend helping another drunk friend that can't help himself , Okura told himself. Even so, he couldn't bring himself to touch Ryo.
Minutes passed and Okura was getting tired. He took a big, deep breath and put the clothes aside next to Ryo. He took care of his shirt first, pulling Ryo up trying to keep him as upright as possible while trying to pull his shirt off. Finally he popped it off Ryo's head and tossed the dirty thing aside. In the rush to get the shirt off and away from him, Okura accidentally let Ryo fall back hard onto the bed.
Okura ducked down at the side of the bed, hiding his head under his hands. He was sure that would at least wake him up a little bit. But as Okura kneeled there, he didn't hear a sound. He peeked up over the bed and Ryo was still sound asleep.
Sighing, Okura sat up. He looked at Ryo's face again, letting his eyes slowly trail downwards. He'd seen Ryo shirtless- hell, even completely naked- countless times since they'd met, but never before had seeing him like this made it harder to breathe. His chest never used to ache like this. He'd been in plenty of relationships and had plenty of break ups, but they never made him feel quite like this. He never felt this scared before.
This wasn't how it's supposed to be. He wasn't supposed to have these kinds of feelings for his friend. When it first started happening, he convinced himself he was sick. He even went to the doctors to make sure there wasn't something going on in his chest. The doctors said there was nothing wrong, but Okura didn't believe them. It wasn't until he realized it strictly happened when he was near Ryo that he knew he was falling for him. And he hated it.
It felt so wrong. His mind kept him up at night imagining different situations he'd be in with previous girlfriends and replacing them with Ryo. Hand holding, cuddling, kissing, making out. It was a battle between those images making him feel extremely good and warm and being disgusted with himself. It was too much for him to handle. Getting away from Ryo seemed like the only thing that might stop it all. It didn't work. Being unable to see him just made him want to give up and go to him. But he feared he wouldn't be able to act normal as they had for years. The only thing Okura thought was worse than feeling this way every time they met was coming out to Ryo and being completely rejected, ruining what they had. Even though he knew ignoring Ryo would eventually have the same outcome, he would at least be able to look back at their old times fondly.
He brought his eyes back to Ryo's face. He hadn't stirred. Okura tapped Ryo's arm lightly. Nothing. He laid his hand down on his arm. Nothing. He gripped and shook his arm, slowly shaking harder. Ryo finally jerked his arm out of Okura's grip but didn't wake up. Okura paused for a moment, waiting to make sure Ryo wasn't about to wake up after bothering him. Then, he slid himself closer to Ryo's face.
His heart was pounding in his ears. They were so close at that moment, closer than they had been in months. The room suddenly felt extremely warm as he stared at Ryo's lips. Countless times he'd thought about kissing him. No matter how much he hated it, how much he wished he didn't want to, the urge was too strong. He would never get a real chance to find out how it would actually be or what it would feel like after. If it made him feel as uncomfortable as thinking about it did, this wasn't what was meant to be. He could force himself out of these thoughts. But if it were to feel as good as it could...he would have to deal with it if it happened.
Okura took a deep breath and leaned forward, pressing his own against Ryo's slightly parted lips. His lips were soft, something he wasn't able to feel when Ryo had forced his kiss. It was much more how Okura had imagined it would feel like. A warmth began pooling in the pit of his stomach, slowly spreading across his body. He rested a hand on Ryo's smooth chest, feeling his heart beating beneath his palm. For the first time that night, he wished Ryo was awake. More than anything, he wanted to feel Ryo's hands on him. He wanted Ryo to kiss him back. But he wouldn't.
Okura pulled back, his breathing heavy and shaky. Ryo hadn't felt a thing. He couldn't be sure if he was thankful for that, or if he was severely disappointed. In any case, he couldn't stay in the same room as Ryo any longer. If he did, Okura was sure he would regret anything he did next. Just glancing at him gave him urges that were becoming increasingly hard to deny himself. He left the bedroom for the bathroom to cool himself down.
It was a while before Okura felt in control of himself again. When he did finally return to the room, Ryo had his arms wrapped around himself, slightly shivering in the chilly room. Okura had felt so warm he didn't even realize the heater wasn't on and forgot he had left Ryo shirtless. Again he propped Ryo up, letting the smaller man lean against his chest as he put the shirt over him. He carefully changed Ryo's pants before covering him up and using the remote to turn the heat up.
It was four AM before Okura laid down on Ryo's couch in the living room. It was too early for the trains to be running, and he was too tired to make the trip anyway. He was exhausted, but his eyes were glued to the ceiling, unwilling to close to give him some relief. Not once through the whole kiss or after did Okura feel as disgusted as he thought, and secretly hoped, he might. His heart was still beating hard in his chest, and he so badly wanted to return to the room. He resisted, and continued staring at the ceiling, praying for sleep to come.
~*~
Ryo tossed and turned, trying to go back to sleep. His stomach was churning and his head was aching so badly he didn't know if he could open his eyes. His mouth felt so dry it was hard to swallow.
Ryo tried to remember how much he drank the night before, but he couldn't remember much of what happened after he made it into the bar. It had been Maru's birthday, and Hina chose to front the bill for everyone. If Ryo was feeling this bad, he knew it had to have been a lot of alcohol. He felt for his phone and instantly regretted turning the blinding screen on. It burned just to look at it. Sure enough there was a text from Hina informing him that he owed him some money for all of his extra orders, and a confusing one from Yasu asking how his night went. Though he couldn't be completely sure, he could've sworn Yasu was at the party. Ryo ignored the messages and tossed his phone to the side. He couldn't stand laying there with the headache anymore and forced himself out of bed to get some medicine.
His body felt extra heavy as he trudged through his apartment. It was dark even though it was after ten. His blinds were drawn and all of the lights were off. The cool water felt good to drink and gave him a very slight relief. Ryo checked the calendar to make sure it really was Sunday, since he didn't plan on doing anything other than lying in bed and sleeping off his hangover.
On the way back to the room, Ryo noticed the reason it was so dark was because there was one of his thick, spare blankets hanging from the curtain rod. There was no way Ryo would have had the balance to be able to hang it. Not only that, he woke up in his room, so there would've been no use for it. Being drunk makes people do weird things, but Ryo had never done that before.
Ryo looked around the room, and everything else seemed to be in order. Nothing out of place, nothing disturbed. Then, he noticed a tuft of brown hair showing over the armrest of the couch. He inched closer, not wanting to disturb whoever it was in case it was someone who sneaked in through the door Ryo probably accidentally left unlocked.
Ryo's heart dropped into his stomach when he looked over the back of the couch and saw Okura there, fast asleep in his own clothing. He looked up at the ceiling, trying to remember what exactly happened the night before to lead to this, but there was nothing. He only remembered arriving at the bar and nothing after. He looked down at himself and realized he wasn't wearing what he had on before.
Okura stirred then, slowly waking up. He stretched , and Ryo couldn't help but stare at the section of skin on his torso that the shirt revealed as it was pulled up. Okura pulled down on the hem, and it was then Ryo realized he was being watched.
He shook his head quickly to snap himself out of it. “What are you doing here?”
Okura sat up, still looking half asleep. “Everyone else left me to take you home. You really need to cut back on the alcohol.”
Ryo rolled his eyes and walked around to the other side of the couch before sitting down. “You're a fine one to talk.”
“I haven't found myself so drunk I bother people in the middle of the night and completely lose consciousness for an entire night in a while.” It'd been so long since they'd had a drink together that Ryo couldn't call Okura out on his bullshit. “You got sick all over the sidewalk too. Got it on yourself and my clothes too.”
Ryo's face heated up in embarrassment. He wasn't so upset he couldn't remember anymore. “So why are you still here?”
“It was 2 AM before we got back here and I couldn't just leave you like you were. And I wouldn't be caught dead walking out in an outfit like this.” Ryo took another look at him. His ankles were showing under the pants that were not his size at all.
“Well, thanks.”
“You owe me more than a thanks.”
“Lets get together some time and I'll make it up to you.”
Ryo was certain he saw Okura's face blush, but Okura turned away so quickly he couldn't be certain. “I was kidding. You don't owe me anything. If anything, it's the others who do.”
“We haven't hung out together in a long time. I want to know what you've been doing. We could catch up.”
“I have better things to do.” Okura said without even a moment of consideration.
A sharp twinge attacked Ryo's heart. “You say that, then I find out from Yasu that you've been with him. Several times. What's up with that?”
“It's none of your business.” Okura stood up from the couch, grabbing his clothes and started putting on his coat, forgetting about the stains.
“Could you stop being an ass for one minute and tell me what I did? There has to be some reason you won't see or talk to me anymore. I have a right to know!”
“Not everything revolves around you!” Okura shouted, snapping the clothes in his hand down sharply. “I have my reasons, and I don't owe you any of them. Things change and you can't stop it. Deal with it.”
He shoved his feet into his shoes he left the house, letting the door slam shut behind him, leaving Ryo standing more confused and hurt than he'd ever been.
~*~
Ryo never got relieved of his hangover that day. The headache and nausea kept coming and going, coinciding with Ryo's thoughts about Okura. Something had changed between them, but Ryo couldn't tell what, and Okura wouldn't even give him a clue. He longed for an explanation of any kind. Even a fake one. Just something to put his mind at ease.
At half past eleven that night, Ryo's phone lit up.
Sorry about earlier.
It was a long night. I wasn't feeling well.
Ryo stared at the two messages, his heart lightening. When minutes passed, he knew better than to expect anymore and knew replying was useless. He was grateful for what he got. For the first time in a while, he fell asleep feeling content.
~*~
“Yasu,” Ryo said, sitting at his friends table, swirling the ice cube around in his drink. His chest had been aching since the night Okura spent the night at his house. He finally replied to Okura's messages, and though he didn't expect anything more, it stung. It had been a very long time since a person had occupied his mind so much. It wasn't the same as before, though. It was more intense than before. The confusion he was feeling about the fact all of his thoughts centered around Okura left him unable to concentrate on anything else. He was exhausted, unable to get a good nights sleep for days.
Once in a while, his mind would wander away from missing him and go to the memory of seeing Okura's waist. He didn't notice it then, but he realized Okura had gone off his diet a bit. He seemed a bit softer than Ryo remembered, but he hardly minded. Okura always seemed happier when he could enjoy whatever food he wanted freely. Ryo found himself wanting to know what the rest of Okura's body looked like, but the thoughts got him more excited than he ever wanted to be while thinking about a friend. The more it happened, the more Ryo found himself accepting it and letting it happen.
There was a light tapping on his head and Ryo shook his head. “Did you actually have something to say or do you just like saying my name?” Though he laughed a little bit, Yasu looked worried. “Did you fall asleep?”
Ryo shook his head again. “I wanted to ask...” Ryo hesitated, taking a deep breath. “How did you feel when you...you know...realized.”
Yasu stared at him, waiting for him to finish his sentence. “Realized what?” He asked when the rest just wasn't coming.
Ryo slid back in his chair, rubbing his face. He sighed heavily. “Realized you were...'that' way.”
Yasu just blinked at him, completely confused. “What way is that?”
Ryo huffed, frustrated with how dense Yasu could be, and he was getting increasingly embarrassed by having to repeat himself. He let his face fall behind his arm on the table.“I just mean realizing you...might feel more for someone like...that. Towards a guy.”
“I wouldn't really know.” Yasu said, shaking his head.
Ryo's head popped up so fast he nearly got a whiplash. “You don't know?”
“No, I don't. I've never really had feelings for a guy.”
“You liar!” Ryo said, pointing at him. “You definitely did! All those times with you and Subaru back then, you two were practically all over each other!”
“That's called showing your friends your love!” Yasu said defensively as his face reddened.
“No, that's friends with benefits!”
“It's called being open-minded and not caring what others think of you and being free to show your affection any way you want!”
Ryo narrowed his eyes at him, still sure he was lying. “You sure?”
“One hundred percent.” Yasu pouted, slumping back into his chair. “I don't know why you guys keep saying that about me.”
Ryo leaned his head back on the table, at a loss. “You're no use then.”
It was quiet for a few moments. “So, you've finally realized then, huh?”
Ryo peeked up over his arm. “What?”
“That you have a thing for Okura.”
Behind his arm, Ryo felt his face heat up. “When did I ever bring up Okura?”
“You didn't have to.”
“Then why-”
“We all just assumed.” Yasu smirked at him, as though he was getting back at him for assuming about him. “I told you before, didn't I? You always talk about him. You're always worried about him. You've been upset with him the entire year and wouldn't let it go.”
“You're full of shit.” Ryo thought back throughout the year and Yasu was right. He didn't realize just how long he'd been doing that all for. He didn't want to fully admit it to Yasu, though he knew out of any member he would be the most understanding and wouldn't make fun of him.
“It's true. Get a few drink in you and you'd be a near open book. Not that you explicitly said your actual feelings, but it was obvious enough. Yoko and Hina definitely thought something was up when you had zero interest in the most attractive girls they set you up with and instead chose to complain about Okura not giving you any attention.”
Ryo felt like a complete brat when Yasu put it that way. It wasn't even obvious to himself when things continued to end badly between him and the girls. But even when he was with the girls he couldn't stop thinking about Okura. Things started falling into place, and Ryo couldn't help feeling completely stupid for not realizing sooner.
“Don't worry,” Yasu said, patting Ryo's arm. “We all support you two.”
While Ryo appreciated the sentiment, it wasn't exactly a comfort, considering who that support was coming from. Then, he realized what Yasu said.“Wait, 'you two'?” Yasu just smiled and nodded. “What do you mean?”
~*~
Ryo stood, again, outside of Okura's house. It was the middle of the night and the winter air was especially cold. He could have been a normal person and waited until morning when Okura would actually be awake. But he was restless. Not one part of him could relax enough to let him be at ease. The only thing he wanted to do was talk to Okura. After the few times in the last couple weeks he was able to see and communicate with him, not being around him made him feel like he was going through withdrawal. Ryo tried to tell himself he was being dramatic and tried to cool himself off, but it didn't work. It just wouldn't go away.
Picking up a few small rocks he chucked them at the window. This time, no light turned on. He threw three more, but the room stayed dark.
Hey, Ryo texted. I'm outside.
He waited a few minutes for a reply and none came. Please let me in.
More time went by with nothing. Okura was a decently heavy sleeper, so he wasn't necessarily ignoring him. Instead of trying to text again, he dialed Okura's number. He sat down leaning against the wall, listening to the ring. Voicemail answered. He tried once more, deciding if he didn't answer this time, he would give up and go home. It rang, and rang, and rang. Ryo's heart sank deep down. He got voicemail again and was about to hang up when he heard a groggy voice answer, “Hello?”
As far as it sank down, his heart jumped right up into his throat. He was ready to quit and whatever he had planned to say had left his mind the moment he heard Okura's voice. “It's Ryo.”
“I could tell,” Okura yawned. “I have caller ID. Do you know what time it is?”
“Yeah, sorry. I had to talk to you though.”
“You can call back in the morning.”
“I'm outside.”
There was a pause, and Ryo could hear the subtle, quiet sound of Okura moving around. He looked up, tilting his body back so he could see the window, and Okura was looking down on him. “Hold on.” Okura said before hanging up the phone. Minutes later the front door opened. “Don't you remember what happened the last time you were here?”
“I didn't drink anything this time, I swear.” Okura moved aside to let Ryo in. They went into the living room, where Okura turned on the light before taking a seat on the couch.
“So what did you need to talk about so badly that you felt the need to wake me up in the middle of the night?” Okura asked, rubbing the remaining sleep from his eyes.
Ryo hesitated, not knowing exactly where to start. He was aware of how he felt, knew exactly what it was, but he wasn't sure he had completely accepted it yet. But this desperation he felt told him nothing was going to change about it any time soon.
Taking a deep breath, he said, “Yasu told me why you've been avoiding me.”
Okura sighed heavily, slumping against the couch. He rubbed his hands up and down his face, muttering something Ryo couldn't completely make out, but a few swear words were sprinkled in there. He didn't respond to Ryo, and wouldn't take his hands off his face, but Ryo knew Yasu didn't have long to live now.
“You could've said something.”
Okura let his hands fall onto his lap. “Like you would have?” It was true, if Ryo had been in Okura's position, he most likely would have reacted in the same way. “Anyway I was dealing with it just fine. You didn't have to know.”
“Well I wasn't dealing with it fine. I thought you fucking hated me because you just dropped off the planet with no explanation at all and everyone was always asking me what the hell I did to you.” He let himself get angry, but that wasn't going to get him anywhere. Okura was being open with him right now, he didn't want to ruin anything. “I couldn't stand it. Apparently I wouldn't shut up about you and this whole situation, but I don't remember it really.”
Okura wouldn't turn to him, but out of the corner of his eye he looked at Ryo, looking as tired as he felt. “Maybe I could've said something, but nothing I would've come up with would have been a good enough reason.”
“You couldn't even do it right. You forget, we have mutual friends, ones with big mouths. If you really wanted to get rid of me you should've moved.”
“Would that have been better? Would you have accepted that?”
“At least I could've made up a better reason! But with you hanging around here with Maru and Yasu but completely ignoring me, there wasn't any reason.”
“Sorry.”
Ryo couldn't tell if he was being sincere or if he was just trying to get Ryo off his back. Silence fell between them. Ryo didn't know what to say next. Deep down he was still mad at Okura for what he did, but he also knew he didn't mean harm by it, so it was hard to scold him for it.
“I didn't ask for this, okay?” Okura said so quietly Ryo almost missed it. “I don't want to be this way, alright? I tried to get rid of these feelings. It didn't work.”
Okura was frowning deeply. Ryo could almost feel the pain Okura had been going through all this time. Ryo could only what he was going through, how hurt he felt, but it paled in comparison to Okura fighting with himself. Now that Ryo thought about it, he was surprised he was able to come to terms with himself as easily as he had. He couldn't relate to Okura on this in any way.
“It's not so bad, is it?”
Okura clicked his tongue. “You don't even know.”
“Maybe not exactly, but I've had to come to terms with myself lately, you know.
“It's hard you kn-...what?” Okura met Ryo's eyes, and this time Ryo looked away, nodding. He could hear Okura's breathing quicken, but he quickly changed subjects. He wasn't fully ready to fully tackle that conversation yet. “Anyway, that sounded like something Maru would say. You didn't talk to him, did you?”
“No. I told you I was talking to Yasu.”
“Aah,” Okura said, nodding. “I guess he'd know too.”
“Actually no. He told me he's never liked a guy before.”
Okura's head snapped toward him, utter confusion all over his face. “What?”
“That's what I said.”
“He's gotta be full of it.” Okura said, mumbling that he'd have to find out from him later.
Another short moment of silence passed as Ryo considered what he wanted to say. Quickly weighing the pros and cons in his decision, whether the risk was worth it all or not. “We could just try it out, you know.” Ryo said, looking down at his hands as he fidgeted with them. He could feel Okura staring at him, as though he was trying to gauge how serious Ryo was being.
“I don't know. Like I said this isn't exactly what I wanted.”
“But you do want it. Don't you?” Okura looked away but didn't deny it. “What's the worst that could happen anyway?”
“It doesn't work out and we'll either end up completely distant from each other or end up hating each other, which will just make everything worse since we have the same friends so getting together will be hell.”
“You've thought too hard about that.” Okura shrugged, suddenly having a grumpy look on his face. As lame as Ryo would think it was to do, and despite how much just thinking about it made his hands shake, he reached over and took Okura's hand in his. “Don't think about it then. Whatever happens, happens.”
Okura's arm tensed, but after a few minutes he relaxed. “What's with you? You're not normally like this.”
“I'm exhausted and have been trying to chase you down for a year. Enough happened recently. Just decide before I change my mind.”
Okura chuckled to himself, then nodded. “Fine. Since you want it so much.”
They both finally looked at each other properly. Both of them were red from embarrassment at the exchange they just had, but neither could deny they were over the moon at the moment. Okura leaned in and kissed Ryo first, letting go of every reservation he had before. He finally felt free. Ryo put a hand on the back of Okura's head, his fingers spreading through his hair, using his other hand to pull him closer, giving him a proper kiss back.
~*~
The moment they entered Yoko's house, Ryo and Okura were assaulted with confetti poppers. “Congratulations!” They all shouted. The two shook off the sparkles and rolled their eyes like they were annoyed.
“It's not that big of a deal.” Ryo said stepping up into the house and heading to the kitchen to grab himself a drink.
“You think we're celebrating for you two?” Yoko said. “We're celebrating our freedom from listening to the two of you bellyache about each other nonstop. No more drunken nights listening to In-Denial-Ryo whine and cry about his precious Okura ignoring the shit out of him.”
“We're also finally done with our job trying to impossibly hook Ryo up.” Hina added.
“And you guys didn't even finish your job. Good thing you weren't a service because I wouldn't be paying you anything.”
Yoko put a hand on Ryo's shoulder and smirked at him. “Are you sure we didn't finish our job?”
Hina took Ryo's other shoulder. “Either way, I think we should be compensated for all the work we did do that was ultimately wasted by you.”
Okura could hear the oldest two laughing darkly at Ryo, and he considered going over to save him, but he was also sure he deserved whatever they were doing to him. He took a seat on the couch opposite Maru and Yasu. “I'm just glad you've finally accepted yourself. And, you can finally say I was right all along!”
“Shut up.” said Okura. “That'll never happen.”
“But I was right!!”
“It's nice to see you so happy!” Yasu interrupted what was sure to turn into an argument between the two. “I was worried about you for a while.”
“Oh yeah, I could tell. So worried. You definitely looked out for me by doing the exact opposite of what I asked!”
“If we didn't, you wouldn't be where you are now, would you?”
“They're right,” Ryo said, pressing a beer into Okura's face. Okura took it and Ryo sat down next to him. “You could still be sitting alone at home, pining over me.”
Okura didn't notice how close Ryo got to him, his face less than an inch away. The others seemed to melt somewhere far away.
“If anyone was 'pining', it was you.” Their noses were practically touching, but Okura pulled back the slightest bit, wanting Ryo to work for what he wanted.
“I think we both know who really would be.” He grabbed onto Okura's head to keep him from leaning back any further and pressed his mouth against Okura's, only managing to get him to open his mouth a tiny bit before a loud voice interrupted them.
“Alright, alright,” Yoko said. “We're happy for you guys and all but that doesn't mean we want to see you two making out.
Still bitter from the harassment Ryo just received from Yoko, without warning Ryo forced himself into Okura's mouth, kissing him deeply while managing to make direct eye contact with Yoko, who tried to throw a game case at him but missed. Okura pushed him off, needing to be able to breathe and kicking Ryo for what he'd done.
Maru jumped up and bounded over to the couch, taking the moment of separation between the two to sit himself between them, and though both Ryo and Okura protested, Maru managed to wrap his arms around both of their shoulders. “It's Christmas time everyone! Who brought the presents?”
“How old are you again, five?” Hina asked, but began passing out the gifts everyone had brought for each other.
Ryo looked over at Okura, who was pouting fiercely. Okura met Ryo's eyes and rolled his eyes at Maru who didn't seem like he was about to move any time soon.
“Later,” Ryo mouthed, giving Okura a wink. Okura nodded, knowing Ryo had a much better gift waiting for him at home than anyone there could give him.
END