je_united gift fic for an_jung
Lovely fic for an_jung
Title: Easy Crazy Break Down
Pairing: Ohno/Nino
Rating: PG
Warnings: Some swearing
Summary: How Ohno and Nino break Jun's brain over the years. Ohmiya as seen through Jun's eyes.
Notes: Dear an_jung. To be quite honest, I don't know if you even like Jun because you didn't mention him at all, but I have a very soft spot for him, and I'm sure that Ohmiya really would break Jun's brain. I sincerely hope you like this! Massive gratitude to my fabulous betas, who shall remain anonymous for obvious reasons <3
Jun thinks he probably should’ve asked these questions a lot earlier than he actually does.
At first, he genuinely doesn’t notice. Work is kind of awesome, way awesomer than homework and school in any case, and it’s becoming a thing to go to dance rehearsals, bumping into each other and sweating and trying really hard to memorize being in the background, swaying, sidestepping and please do not stand out too much, you’re not holding a microphone. So that is really kind of awesome, getting to be on TV and back dancing, because, wow, and he really, really likes it. The others are pretty cool too and he does talk with loads of them, and really, Jun just wants to debut already.
And he’s rehearsing with the others for Domoto-senpai and Domoto-senpai, when a small group of people walks into the room, which in itself is a pretty common occurrence, but Ninomiya to his left is suddenly more alert and more aware of the newcomers than the actual choreography, which, Jun thinks, is terribly unprofessional, and Ninomiya really won’t get to debut if he can’t keep his attention on what he’s supposed to be doing.
Jun shakes his head and does what he’s told.
It’s later and Jun knows Nino better, has even forgiven him for lying to him, the jerk, and it’s when the instructor throws a can of coffee after Ohno-senpai in rehearsal that Jun begins to think that Nino really needs help with his focus, because it’s been more than a few times now that he’s looking somewhere else than at the floor where he’s supposed to be.
“Hey Nino,” he says when the music stops and they’re all going to the showers. “I heard that it helps on concentration when -”
“Uh huh,” Nino says, more like cuts him off, still looking away, and Jun blinks. Nino is looking at Ohno, who looks sheepish and is laughing with some of his friends.
Jun purses his lips. “That was really unprofessional of him. Nino. Nino.”
Nino blinks, turns and refocuses on Jun. “Yes. No. What?”
Jun would, if he could, have pursed his lips even more. Nino seriously has a problem with his attention span these days.
Later, Jun and some of the others are planning to get some food, and Jun turns to tell Nino, except Nino isn’t beside him, he’s honestly almost hanging on Ohno-senpai, oh my god, how embarrassing is that, seriously? Ohno, who looks pretty oblivious to, well, anything that goes on in the world, really, even if he’s pretty awesome and his dancing is pretty awesome, too, and he can sing all of them out of the water by an entire mile. Okay so Jun really admires him, but that isn’t enough of a reason for anyone to hang off him like that, so shamelessly, even if he’s discovered that Nino doesn’t have any grasp of the concept of either shame, personal space or boundaries.
And, as Jun is watching, Nino reaches out and leans on Ohno, seriously, Ohno doesn’t even blink when Nino’s arms wind around his waist. Neither do any of Ohno’s friends, for that matter.
Jun blinks. Nino is so weird.
~~~
And then they debut really quite suddenly, and to be honest, Jun has hoped for it, has hoped for it very much because it’s something he’s wanted to badly ever since he joined, ever since he realized what it meant to debut. He’s just so happy, it doesn’t matter that he’s a bit frightened too, he knows he’s the youngest, both Sakurai-senpai and Ohno-senpai are there, but Nino and Aiba-chan are there as well, so it’ll be good, he’s just so happy.
And well, perhaps the boat is rocking a bit more than he thought it would, but his smile is no less genuine six hours later after they left the harbor, his cheeks actually ache a bit with the effort, but he means it, facing the photographers and holding a microphone to his mouth. And the boat rocks, faces a wave head on, it jolts, and Nino, who is a bit green and wobbly, staggers and then quite suddenly rights himself and manages a smile that actually holds for more than a minute at a time.
When Jun looks closer, he sees Ohno’s hand on Nino’s waist, steadying, and Jun nods, yes, this group is already working well together.
That Nino and Ohno are still holding hands an hour later baffles him a bit, the ground is solid beneath their feet now, but Nino looks like he has no intention of letting go of Ohno’s hand anytime soon - and then it’s not his hand, then it’s his waist, his shoulder (when they sit down, on one occasion even Ohno’s ankle), and Ohno, who looks so perplexed at his very existence here in this group, doesn’t mind, just somehow reaches back as if he can’t not.
“I call sharing a room with Ohno-san,” Nino says even before their manager (a stressed, young man, probably his very first time managing a group, oh that poor guy) has opened his mouth, one hand holding up a fistful of keycards.
His mouth opens and closes several times. He clears his throat. “I thought it’d be good to have Ohno-kun in his own room, and then you four in split in twos. Any protests?”
“I call dibs on Ohno-san,” Nino says quite calmly, fingers tightening on Ohno’s wrist with one hand, the other on Ohno’s hand.
Their manager makes a sound that is really undignified, and he glances at Ohno, gaze flickering to where Nino is very obviously pissing off his territory. “Can you just go along with my suggestion? Please?” He adds, oh, he’s just so green, Jun actually feels kind of sorry for him.
“I can -” is as much as Jun manages before Ohno clears his throat and says, “I don’t mind sharing with Nino. Sho-kun can have his own room then.”
Sho looks so grateful that he could cry. Ohno awkwardly pats his shoulder, Sho with his school and his homework and expectations.
“Then I’ll share with Jun-kun,” Aiba says, smiling brightly, happy with the entire situation if a bit unsure. It’s not like Jun can blame him. “It’ll be fun!”
And it is, it’s really not bad, Aiba is sweet and fun and easy to be around, they talk for ages before they fall asleep, and then he gets woken up really early because Aiba is apparently fueled by sunshine and puppies, and Hawaii is pretty full of the former, so Aiba is already bouncing off the walls at some seriously unearthly time of the morning. When their manager calls them up and tells them to wake Ohno and Nino, Jun volunteers to do so because Aiba is nice, but also way too awake at this point, so getting out of the room seems like an increasingly good idea.
Aiba wanders (skip-bounces) off in search of breakfast and Jun knocks on the door to Nino’s and Ohno’s hotel room, only hears a vague moan of oh my god it’s way too early for this shit, and he grins, tries the door knob that gives, and then he’s tiptoeing inside (and the room is blissfully dark, they had apparently remembered to draw the curtains shut last night, Jun will apparently need to remind himself of the genius invention of curtains). In the dark, his fingers find the light switch, and he’s gleefully looking forward to letting the light shine bright on them.
He switches it.
He blinks. Turns it off. Turns it on again.
“Jun-kun, if that’s you, piss off,” Nino groans from the bed. From where he’s wound around Ohno, who looks comatose, mouth open and is actually drooling a bit. Nino looks disoriented and vaguely pissed off as if it’s Jun’s fault that mornings in general exist. He raises his head, manages a dark-eyed squint, untangles one arm from around Ohno and scratches his hair. “What.”
Talking. That would be a good thing to be doing right now. Or disappearing through the floor. Or hiding in a closet. Or talking. Just talking, right about now, remembering how his mouth works, lips forming words. He switches the light off again.
“Jun-kun, what the hell,” and Nino has moved from vaguely pissed to majorly pissed in the span of five seconds. Awesome.
“Manager-san says we have to get up.”
Nino groans, probably in pain that his life is early calls and Jun waking him up. “Seriously?”
Jun swallows, remembers how to work his throat so he doesn’t choke. “Yeah. So. Um. Maybe you guys could get up.”
Nino heaves a gigantic, long-suffering sigh. “Can you leave the light on again when you leave? Will be easier to wake Oh-chan up, he sleeps like a log, oh my god.”
Jun has already turned away when he flips the light switch again.
~~~
“It’s not true, right? It’s just a joke, right?”
Sho is laughing at Ohno, patting his shoulder and looking entirely unapologetic. “I’m afraid not.”
Ohno looks downright panicked at that. Jun wants to reach over and say it’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’re fine, you can do it, but he doesn’t even get that far before Nino has materialized from absolutely nowhere and attached himself to Ohno like an extra limb or like two crabs with their claws caught, and he says, as if there’s really nothing else he could be saying in this situation, “Do your best, Leader!”
Ohno seems like he’ll rather be anywhere but here where he just won rock-paper-scissors and looks like he lost instead. Nino’s knuckles are tight on his arm, eyes fierce, and Jun thinks he’ll tell Ohno later.
~~~
When he gets to work, Ohno and Nino are sitting incredibly close on the couch, Ohno had probably started out watching Nino play Gameboy but then dozed off in the process. It needs to be said that the couch comfortably fits three people with normal, existing personal spaces. Sho is doing his homework on the table, looking irritable as he does these days, and Aiba is snoring on the floor.
Jun knows that sometimes, it’s really best that he doesn’t know. And he really doesn’t want to know. Nino is button-smashing quite intensively, body jerking with it, and Ohno snores a little bit, some kind of noise from the back of his throat, that should be disgusting, but by the power of Ohno somehow just isn’t.
Clearing his throat, Jun carefully steps over Aiba, sets his bag down and sits in the chair opposite of Nino, next to Sho. Sho doesn’t look up, just waves with his left hand while his right hand keeps scribbling.
“Hello, Jun-chan,” Nino says and profoundly doesn’t look up from his game. There’s an ominous sound coming from the machine and Nino looks murderous for a moment, but when Ohno shifts a bit and wrinkles his nose, he stills, pauses, looks at Ohno until Ohno relaxes again, and Nino pets his thigh before resuming his game.
Jun stares. He’s long since given up on trying to decipher Nino’s moods as they are as plentiful as they are unpredictable, but this is weird, even for Nino.
Nino looks up at him. “What?”
“Nothing,” Jun says quickly.
Nino rolls his eyes, mutters, “nothing, my ass,” and resumes gaming once again.
Jun decides on the safer option of conversational topics. “Why is Aiba-chan sleeping on the floor?”
“Because he said it’s the most comfortable place right now,” Nino says, still wholly focused on his game and carefully not dislodging Ohno’s head that has now lolled to rest on Nino’s shoulder. Sho makes a sound of utter frustration and bangs his head into the table.
Jun tries to make sense of everything and comes up rather short. “And Ohno-kun?”
Nino doesn’t even blink. “What about him?”
“Why is he asleep?” He doesn’t say, what’s wrong with the couch so he couldn’t just sleep there and not on you?
Nino looks like he would shrug if it wouldn’t jig Ohno’s head. Not that that would wake him up, Jun is quite sure Ohno can sleep from anything, the end of the world included. “He’s tired, I kept him up all night.”
Jun blinks. And calmly decides that no, he really, really, really, really doesn’t want to know.
~~~
No one knows where Nino is. That wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn’t for the fact that they’re supposed to be on stage and performing their new single in a very short time now, and Aiba is lying down in the green room, trying to breathe without straining his poor lungs and his stitches, Sho is looking harassed and weary and is muttering numbers and theories, Ohno is effectively trying to disappear into the wall, and Jun just wants everyone to be present, physically and mentally, right this moment.
Their manager sticks his head into the room, looks green when his mental count of them only mounts to four, and he disappears again, hissing “Babysitting, oh my god,” under his breath.
Jun knows the feeling. “Where is he?”
Aiba’s mouth is permanently set in a miserable, tight line these days, and he rolls on the couch, opens his mouth, swallows, says, “I think he’s just out for a smoke.”
Sho, who’s trying to cut back on the smoking while trying to keep up his grades and be an idol all at the same time, makes a sound that indicates he would kill for a cigarette and kind of hates the entire world right now. Jun can relate to that, too.
Aiba looks up at them both. “Where’s Leader?”
Jun whips his head around. Oh shit.
He knows the TV station and he knows where they usually sneak out for a smoke, so his pace is brisk as he powerwalks through the hallways and gives terse nods to whoever says hello, and he finally gets to the stairs out back. He opens the door, prepared to maybe shout a bit if that will make Nino move faster, because now he also has to find Ohno, but all he sees is Nino at the bottom of the stairs, curled into Ohno, who is standing two steps higher and has both arms folded protectively around Nino’s shoulders.
Nino looks small in a way that Jun can’t ever remember him looking, and he closes the door almost all the way shut again, giving him just a sliver of view.
“He’s okay,” Ohno is saying, “he’s here and he’s okay. He’ll be great, he just needs rest.”
“He’s an idiot and he shouldn’t be allowed to work.”
Ohno’s hands stroke at Nino’s back and he says nothing as Nino shudders into him. He says something that apparently makes all the sense in the world to Ohno, as he just nods and pets the skin at the back of Nino’s neck. He leans over Nino, rests his head on Nino’s and just holds him close, and Jun can just see Nino’s arms tightening.
“He’s okay,” Ohno says again.
“I hate him,” Nino says with feeling.
“No, you don’t,” Ohno says.
“No, I really, really do.”
“Liar,” Ohno chides, gently, rocks him to both sides and makes him chuckle wetly. “We have songs to sing. Smoking break is over. Are you ready to go?”
It feels like Jun just witnessed something very private in a so very not private place; there’s something to be said for the atmosphere Ohno brings with him, but this is different, and no matter how oddly okay Ohno is with having people in his personal space (or rather, how he just doesn’t protest even if he does mind) it’s always been different with Nino.
He closes the door and walks back to the others, there’s no reason why they should know he’d been listening.
~~~
With his nose buried in the newest script, reading corrections, he opens the door and stops.
Nino is flat on his back on the table while Ohno leans over him, looking intensely at his face.
“Er,” Jun says.
They both look over at Jun.
“Nino’s got something in his eye,” Ohno says.
Nino nods, though his gaze looks surprisingly clear for someone who has something in his eye.
Jun resigns himself to another day of events he’ll store in the to never be examined again box. “I’ll leave you to it,” he says and backtracks.
~~~
He’s not sure how he feels about the rowing, and he’s even less sure how he feels about Hikaru-san, but he really does feel genuinely bad about all the phone calls from Ohno he’d let go unanswered. He was angry, he was busy, he was tired, so exhausted and frustrated, and he’d just wanted a break, wanted some time off for once, because his normal days consisted of being on, all the time, and then his free time turned into TV, too, with all the rowing, the practice, the desperate inadequacy.
It’s a feeling he really doesn’t like.
Above all else, he feels guilty, it’s a stinging weight in his chest, and it has nothing to do with the nasty looks it feels like everyone has been throwing him ever since he got there more than fashionably late. Ohno’s embrace had been warm and genuine, the way he hugged him just a little closer when he’d made to let go.
Ohno’s smile is always honest.
And it’s kind of weird sleeping there when he hasn’t been there for the entire training camp, to get last pick of the beds, but they’re not leaving until morning, so he has to. So when Jun can’t sleep in the very, very early morning, he gets up, looks out the window and sees Ohno walking around outside, just a little, a lit cigarette between his fingers, the glowing end of it as Ohno takes a drag.
He needs to apologize. For a lot of things. He takes his robe and goes outside.
And there’s Nino by him now, holding his arm, and they’re murmuring in that quiet way they do while they sit down, sitting close for warmth, Jun suspects.
“He looked happy,” Ohno is saying when Jun gets closer, stepping carefully. “Didn’t he?”
“I told you,” Nino says, stealing Ohno’s cigarette. “You know I’m always right.” And then, low, “Yes, he I suppose he did. He did.”
“That made me really happy, that he was smiling,” Ohno says.
Nino takes a long drag of the cigarette, passes it back to Ohno and exhales, the white smoke uncurling in the early morning. He huffs, “he’d better.”
Ohno says nothing to that, just holds the cigarette as it burns.
“The best leader in the world,” Nino promises, holds Ohno’s wrist up so he can take a drag from the cigarette from Ohno’s hand. “You should get back to bed.”
“Mm.”
Nino knocks their shoulders. “You didn’t sleep last night either, did you?”
Ohno doesn’t say anything at first, but then; “I had to keep trying.”
As if Jun wasn’t feeling guilty enough already. Eavesdroppers truly never hear anything they want to hear.
They don’t say anything for a while for a while and Jun is about to go back inside, resigned to the fact that he won’t get to apologize yet, when Nino very gently says, “it’s okay. You’re okay.”
Ohno’s head is bowed when Jun looks back at them, but he’s not sure what Nino thinks is okay - in any case, Jun will try and get some sleep. He’ll apologize every day if he has to.
~~~
Nino calls Ohno minutes before he’s supposed to be on stage. Sho has been trying to talk him out of it since obviously Ohno would have more thought in his head than actually carrying his cell phone with him on opening night, minutes before he’s supposed to be on stage.
Ohno picks up. Jun knows this from the way Nino’s entire face lights up and not just with I told you so.
“Break lots of legs,” Nino is saying quite vehemently. “All of them.”
And then Jun takes Nino’s phone and turns it off. “Enjoy the play.”
They really do. Now that Jun has, admittedly, pulled his head out of his ass and realized that doing his job doesn’t necessarily have to be just one or the other, that he can do things for himself and do his job, and that his job is actually doing something for himself, it’s not that bad.
It’s actually quite good.
They take Ohno out to dinner afterwards. He’s tired but grinning and they cheer to him. Maybe he’s a little too tired for the amount of beer they get into him, because by dessert, he’s keeling over.
“I’ll take him home,” Nino says with an easy grin when he hitches Ohno up, his arm slung around Ohno’s waist, Ohno’s arm over his shoulders. Now that Jun thinks about it, Nino was on the water wagon all night. Curious. “Someone needs to be able to get him back in one piece he has two performances tomorrow.”
They’ve learned over the years already that if Nino says he’s taking Ohno home, he’s taking Ohno home, regardless of whether his own home is in the completely opposite direction. No one bats an eye at it, although sometimes Jun catches Sho’s eye and shrugs. Tonight is not one of those times as Sho just smiles warmly at Ohno and hugs him quickly. Jun thinks that just as he probably won’t get over how thoroughly great Sho is, Sho will never get over how awesome he thinks Ohno is.
It’s probably just the laws of nature at work.
Perhaps the way Nino curls protectively around Ohno’s arm is just the laws of nature as well, but it’s genuinely hard to tell when Nino at his most open is like pulling teeth and Ohno at best is earnest but terribly clever at misdirecting.
For now, he watches Nino haul Ohno to his car and he thinks: it’s been a good night.
~~~
Nino is in a foul mood. Jun thinks it rather might have something to do with the fact that Sho takes Ohno out for dinner really often these days.
Over the years, Jun has learned a lot of things: about the world, about himself and his group members, one of them being that green is not a good color on Nino. For his part, Ohno appears to be pretty much oblivious to everything going on around him and Jun hasn’t yet managed to figure out how much Ohno actually ignores and how much he just pretends to ignore. Jun doesn’t even think that Ohno is ignoring Nino, but rather that Sho is just quicker.
“Nino,” Jun says, feeling exasperated with these idiots. He has pretty much figured out that whatever they want to do, he doesn’t want or need to know the details, but Nino being right up mean is idiocy. “Get a grip.”
Nino plays on although his grip on the Nintendo is really tight.
“Seriously,” Jun sighs. “It’s stupid.”
No reaction.
“Nino, that vein pulsing on your temple makes you look fifty. Think of your career.” If nothing else, Nino can read into that what he will. “And anyway, Sho-kun is probably just trying to convince Leader into giving him free drawing lessons.”
Nino glances up. “Doubtful,” he says eventually. “But Sho-chan’s probably just filing it under subject research for the exhibition.”
Jun quirks his lips. “He would,” he allows. “You could just ask to go with them, you know they’d say yes.”
Nino shrugs as if it doesn’t matter.
Sometimes it really is like pulling teeth, and Jun really should have resigned himself a long time ago to the fact that those two will actually never make sense in any given meaning of the word. They’ve been doing this for almost ten years and Jun feels nowhere near any closer to figuring out what they’re doing, but then again, he’s not entirely sure that they know what they’re doing on any given day.
Whatever.
~~~
The concert is over and Jun feels jittery, every nerve in his body is alight with adrenaline and the audience roaring their name and Jun just can’t stop grinning.
“Should we go back? Encore?”
Someone is shouting somewhere to his left and he grabs for his microphone again. “Everyone, back on stage!”
The audience is deafening and he’s still laughing and he looks for the others to make sure they’re on his heels, and Ohno’s hand is so tight on Nino’s hand that the skin is slightly white. Jun frowns but doesn’t register more because they’re there and lights are on. He’s used to not getting answers, not the ones he wants in any case, and he knows he won’t get them now anyway.
They’ll probably just say that Nino was warming Ohno’s hand. It’s probably partly true, anyway.
~~~
They spend an entire month (June, Jun thinks dimly, why is June particularly worrisome to him?) not speaking to each other outside of cameras, for no discernable reason. They’re perfectly cordial, easy to laugh in interviews but carefully affectionate in calculated ways, and the one time Jun actually inhales and opens his mouth to ask what the hell they think they’re playing at, Ohno very calmly places a hand on his elbow and Jun’s mouth goes dry.
For all that he wants to say that it isn’t fair and whatever they’re doing concerns them all, they’ve never actually done anything to them. Ohno looks resigned, somehow, his smile a little bit dimmer, his shoulders hunched, and all Jun feels is protective and exasperated and so fond. They’re idiots.
~~~
The less said about Nino’s mood for the duration of Ohno’s trip overseas, the better.
~~~
It goes like this:
In a room, Ohno sits down with Jun and puts two strong beers on the table in front of them. He says, very calmly, very matter of fact: “You already know what I’m supposed to say.”
It’s taken them maybe fifteen years, maybe more, to get them all used to them being them, to there being a them, and for all the times Jun has wanted to strangle them throughout the years, he supposes they had a point with it. An extremely badly made point, but a point, nevertheless. They’ve made him want to rip his hair out and slam his head through the nearest wall with their antics, but… Ohno looks at him with soft eyes and a wry smile, and he very methodically opens the beers.
“Leader, it’s eleven AM,” Jun says.
“Well,” Ohno says and shrugs. “I still think it’s a good idea. It’s for all the times you thought we were idiots. An offering of good-will.”
“There isn’t enough beer in the world if you want to go with that,” Jun points out and hopes his eyebrow is doing the inquisitive thing. Judging by Ohno’s reaction, he’s not particularly successful.
Ohno shrugs again. “It’s not a big deal,” he finally says. “We’ve… it’s been a long time coming.”
“Telling us?”
“Everything,” Ohno clarifies even though it’s not clarification at all. “Nino is - “
“A brat?” Jun suggests and Ohno chuckles. “Terrifying? Homicidal?”
“Complicated,” Ohno corrects, grinning. “I think that’s the very nicest way to describe that aspect of him. Complicated. I’m not easy either,” he adds with a self-deprecating twist of lips. “Add the two of us and things could go nuclear.”
Jun laughs. “There’s nothing nuclear about you guys,” he says and rolls his eyes. “Although if we can avoid a repeat of that year you guys weren’t talking to each other for the entirety of June, that’d be quite awesome.”
Ohno frowns. “What happened in June?”
“How would I know? You’re the one that lived through it! It was absolutely arctic between you guys.”
“Delusional,” Ohno says out of the corner of his mouth and offers Jun one of the beers. “Cheers?”
“I’m still not sure why you’d need the beer,” Jun says but takes it anyway.
Ohno’s grin is wicked. “At least be happy that you got me to talk about this and not Nino, because he threatened to maul me against a door so you’d just see for yourselves.”
Jun blinks, then groans, long and heartfelt. “I don’t want to think about your sex lives.”
“Too late,” Ohno laughs and clinks their bottles. “Cheers.”
“I hate you,” Jun says and means it, but Ohno is still laughing.
“No, you don’t,” he says, confident and warm and Jun really thinks that maybe, they had a point with it all along.
~~~
The end
Title: Easy Crazy Break Down
Pairing: Ohno/Nino
Rating: PG
Warnings: Some swearing
Summary: How Ohno and Nino break Jun's brain over the years. Ohmiya as seen through Jun's eyes.
Notes: Dear an_jung. To be quite honest, I don't know if you even like Jun because you didn't mention him at all, but I have a very soft spot for him, and I'm sure that Ohmiya really would break Jun's brain. I sincerely hope you like this! Massive gratitude to my fabulous betas, who shall remain anonymous for obvious reasons <3
Jun thinks he probably should’ve asked these questions a lot earlier than he actually does.
At first, he genuinely doesn’t notice. Work is kind of awesome, way awesomer than homework and school in any case, and it’s becoming a thing to go to dance rehearsals, bumping into each other and sweating and trying really hard to memorize being in the background, swaying, sidestepping and please do not stand out too much, you’re not holding a microphone. So that is really kind of awesome, getting to be on TV and back dancing, because, wow, and he really, really likes it. The others are pretty cool too and he does talk with loads of them, and really, Jun just wants to debut already.
And he’s rehearsing with the others for Domoto-senpai and Domoto-senpai, when a small group of people walks into the room, which in itself is a pretty common occurrence, but Ninomiya to his left is suddenly more alert and more aware of the newcomers than the actual choreography, which, Jun thinks, is terribly unprofessional, and Ninomiya really won’t get to debut if he can’t keep his attention on what he’s supposed to be doing.
Jun shakes his head and does what he’s told.
It’s later and Jun knows Nino better, has even forgiven him for lying to him, the jerk, and it’s when the instructor throws a can of coffee after Ohno-senpai in rehearsal that Jun begins to think that Nino really needs help with his focus, because it’s been more than a few times now that he’s looking somewhere else than at the floor where he’s supposed to be.
“Hey Nino,” he says when the music stops and they’re all going to the showers. “I heard that it helps on concentration when -”
“Uh huh,” Nino says, more like cuts him off, still looking away, and Jun blinks. Nino is looking at Ohno, who looks sheepish and is laughing with some of his friends.
Jun purses his lips. “That was really unprofessional of him. Nino. Nino.”
Nino blinks, turns and refocuses on Jun. “Yes. No. What?”
Jun would, if he could, have pursed his lips even more. Nino seriously has a problem with his attention span these days.
Later, Jun and some of the others are planning to get some food, and Jun turns to tell Nino, except Nino isn’t beside him, he’s honestly almost hanging on Ohno-senpai, oh my god, how embarrassing is that, seriously? Ohno, who looks pretty oblivious to, well, anything that goes on in the world, really, even if he’s pretty awesome and his dancing is pretty awesome, too, and he can sing all of them out of the water by an entire mile. Okay so Jun really admires him, but that isn’t enough of a reason for anyone to hang off him like that, so shamelessly, even if he’s discovered that Nino doesn’t have any grasp of the concept of either shame, personal space or boundaries.
And, as Jun is watching, Nino reaches out and leans on Ohno, seriously, Ohno doesn’t even blink when Nino’s arms wind around his waist. Neither do any of Ohno’s friends, for that matter.
Jun blinks. Nino is so weird.
~~~
And then they debut really quite suddenly, and to be honest, Jun has hoped for it, has hoped for it very much because it’s something he’s wanted to badly ever since he joined, ever since he realized what it meant to debut. He’s just so happy, it doesn’t matter that he’s a bit frightened too, he knows he’s the youngest, both Sakurai-senpai and Ohno-senpai are there, but Nino and Aiba-chan are there as well, so it’ll be good, he’s just so happy.
And well, perhaps the boat is rocking a bit more than he thought it would, but his smile is no less genuine six hours later after they left the harbor, his cheeks actually ache a bit with the effort, but he means it, facing the photographers and holding a microphone to his mouth. And the boat rocks, faces a wave head on, it jolts, and Nino, who is a bit green and wobbly, staggers and then quite suddenly rights himself and manages a smile that actually holds for more than a minute at a time.
When Jun looks closer, he sees Ohno’s hand on Nino’s waist, steadying, and Jun nods, yes, this group is already working well together.
That Nino and Ohno are still holding hands an hour later baffles him a bit, the ground is solid beneath their feet now, but Nino looks like he has no intention of letting go of Ohno’s hand anytime soon - and then it’s not his hand, then it’s his waist, his shoulder (when they sit down, on one occasion even Ohno’s ankle), and Ohno, who looks so perplexed at his very existence here in this group, doesn’t mind, just somehow reaches back as if he can’t not.
“I call sharing a room with Ohno-san,” Nino says even before their manager (a stressed, young man, probably his very first time managing a group, oh that poor guy) has opened his mouth, one hand holding up a fistful of keycards.
His mouth opens and closes several times. He clears his throat. “I thought it’d be good to have Ohno-kun in his own room, and then you four in split in twos. Any protests?”
“I call dibs on Ohno-san,” Nino says quite calmly, fingers tightening on Ohno’s wrist with one hand, the other on Ohno’s hand.
Their manager makes a sound that is really undignified, and he glances at Ohno, gaze flickering to where Nino is very obviously pissing off his territory. “Can you just go along with my suggestion? Please?” He adds, oh, he’s just so green, Jun actually feels kind of sorry for him.
“I can -” is as much as Jun manages before Ohno clears his throat and says, “I don’t mind sharing with Nino. Sho-kun can have his own room then.”
Sho looks so grateful that he could cry. Ohno awkwardly pats his shoulder, Sho with his school and his homework and expectations.
“Then I’ll share with Jun-kun,” Aiba says, smiling brightly, happy with the entire situation if a bit unsure. It’s not like Jun can blame him. “It’ll be fun!”
And it is, it’s really not bad, Aiba is sweet and fun and easy to be around, they talk for ages before they fall asleep, and then he gets woken up really early because Aiba is apparently fueled by sunshine and puppies, and Hawaii is pretty full of the former, so Aiba is already bouncing off the walls at some seriously unearthly time of the morning. When their manager calls them up and tells them to wake Ohno and Nino, Jun volunteers to do so because Aiba is nice, but also way too awake at this point, so getting out of the room seems like an increasingly good idea.
Aiba wanders (skip-bounces) off in search of breakfast and Jun knocks on the door to Nino’s and Ohno’s hotel room, only hears a vague moan of oh my god it’s way too early for this shit, and he grins, tries the door knob that gives, and then he’s tiptoeing inside (and the room is blissfully dark, they had apparently remembered to draw the curtains shut last night, Jun will apparently need to remind himself of the genius invention of curtains). In the dark, his fingers find the light switch, and he’s gleefully looking forward to letting the light shine bright on them.
He switches it.
He blinks. Turns it off. Turns it on again.
“Jun-kun, if that’s you, piss off,” Nino groans from the bed. From where he’s wound around Ohno, who looks comatose, mouth open and is actually drooling a bit. Nino looks disoriented and vaguely pissed off as if it’s Jun’s fault that mornings in general exist. He raises his head, manages a dark-eyed squint, untangles one arm from around Ohno and scratches his hair. “What.”
Talking. That would be a good thing to be doing right now. Or disappearing through the floor. Or hiding in a closet. Or talking. Just talking, right about now, remembering how his mouth works, lips forming words. He switches the light off again.
“Jun-kun, what the hell,” and Nino has moved from vaguely pissed to majorly pissed in the span of five seconds. Awesome.
“Manager-san says we have to get up.”
Nino groans, probably in pain that his life is early calls and Jun waking him up. “Seriously?”
Jun swallows, remembers how to work his throat so he doesn’t choke. “Yeah. So. Um. Maybe you guys could get up.”
Nino heaves a gigantic, long-suffering sigh. “Can you leave the light on again when you leave? Will be easier to wake Oh-chan up, he sleeps like a log, oh my god.”
Jun has already turned away when he flips the light switch again.
~~~
“It’s not true, right? It’s just a joke, right?”
Sho is laughing at Ohno, patting his shoulder and looking entirely unapologetic. “I’m afraid not.”
Ohno looks downright panicked at that. Jun wants to reach over and say it’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’re fine, you can do it, but he doesn’t even get that far before Nino has materialized from absolutely nowhere and attached himself to Ohno like an extra limb or like two crabs with their claws caught, and he says, as if there’s really nothing else he could be saying in this situation, “Do your best, Leader!”
Ohno seems like he’ll rather be anywhere but here where he just won rock-paper-scissors and looks like he lost instead. Nino’s knuckles are tight on his arm, eyes fierce, and Jun thinks he’ll tell Ohno later.
~~~
When he gets to work, Ohno and Nino are sitting incredibly close on the couch, Ohno had probably started out watching Nino play Gameboy but then dozed off in the process. It needs to be said that the couch comfortably fits three people with normal, existing personal spaces. Sho is doing his homework on the table, looking irritable as he does these days, and Aiba is snoring on the floor.
Jun knows that sometimes, it’s really best that he doesn’t know. And he really doesn’t want to know. Nino is button-smashing quite intensively, body jerking with it, and Ohno snores a little bit, some kind of noise from the back of his throat, that should be disgusting, but by the power of Ohno somehow just isn’t.
Clearing his throat, Jun carefully steps over Aiba, sets his bag down and sits in the chair opposite of Nino, next to Sho. Sho doesn’t look up, just waves with his left hand while his right hand keeps scribbling.
“Hello, Jun-chan,” Nino says and profoundly doesn’t look up from his game. There’s an ominous sound coming from the machine and Nino looks murderous for a moment, but when Ohno shifts a bit and wrinkles his nose, he stills, pauses, looks at Ohno until Ohno relaxes again, and Nino pets his thigh before resuming his game.
Jun stares. He’s long since given up on trying to decipher Nino’s moods as they are as plentiful as they are unpredictable, but this is weird, even for Nino.
Nino looks up at him. “What?”
“Nothing,” Jun says quickly.
Nino rolls his eyes, mutters, “nothing, my ass,” and resumes gaming once again.
Jun decides on the safer option of conversational topics. “Why is Aiba-chan sleeping on the floor?”
“Because he said it’s the most comfortable place right now,” Nino says, still wholly focused on his game and carefully not dislodging Ohno’s head that has now lolled to rest on Nino’s shoulder. Sho makes a sound of utter frustration and bangs his head into the table.
Jun tries to make sense of everything and comes up rather short. “And Ohno-kun?”
Nino doesn’t even blink. “What about him?”
“Why is he asleep?” He doesn’t say, what’s wrong with the couch so he couldn’t just sleep there and not on you?
Nino looks like he would shrug if it wouldn’t jig Ohno’s head. Not that that would wake him up, Jun is quite sure Ohno can sleep from anything, the end of the world included. “He’s tired, I kept him up all night.”
Jun blinks. And calmly decides that no, he really, really, really, really doesn’t want to know.
~~~
No one knows where Nino is. That wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn’t for the fact that they’re supposed to be on stage and performing their new single in a very short time now, and Aiba is lying down in the green room, trying to breathe without straining his poor lungs and his stitches, Sho is looking harassed and weary and is muttering numbers and theories, Ohno is effectively trying to disappear into the wall, and Jun just wants everyone to be present, physically and mentally, right this moment.
Their manager sticks his head into the room, looks green when his mental count of them only mounts to four, and he disappears again, hissing “Babysitting, oh my god,” under his breath.
Jun knows the feeling. “Where is he?”
Aiba’s mouth is permanently set in a miserable, tight line these days, and he rolls on the couch, opens his mouth, swallows, says, “I think he’s just out for a smoke.”
Sho, who’s trying to cut back on the smoking while trying to keep up his grades and be an idol all at the same time, makes a sound that indicates he would kill for a cigarette and kind of hates the entire world right now. Jun can relate to that, too.
Aiba looks up at them both. “Where’s Leader?”
Jun whips his head around. Oh shit.
He knows the TV station and he knows where they usually sneak out for a smoke, so his pace is brisk as he powerwalks through the hallways and gives terse nods to whoever says hello, and he finally gets to the stairs out back. He opens the door, prepared to maybe shout a bit if that will make Nino move faster, because now he also has to find Ohno, but all he sees is Nino at the bottom of the stairs, curled into Ohno, who is standing two steps higher and has both arms folded protectively around Nino’s shoulders.
Nino looks small in a way that Jun can’t ever remember him looking, and he closes the door almost all the way shut again, giving him just a sliver of view.
“He’s okay,” Ohno is saying, “he’s here and he’s okay. He’ll be great, he just needs rest.”
“He’s an idiot and he shouldn’t be allowed to work.”
Ohno’s hands stroke at Nino’s back and he says nothing as Nino shudders into him. He says something that apparently makes all the sense in the world to Ohno, as he just nods and pets the skin at the back of Nino’s neck. He leans over Nino, rests his head on Nino’s and just holds him close, and Jun can just see Nino’s arms tightening.
“He’s okay,” Ohno says again.
“I hate him,” Nino says with feeling.
“No, you don’t,” Ohno says.
“No, I really, really do.”
“Liar,” Ohno chides, gently, rocks him to both sides and makes him chuckle wetly. “We have songs to sing. Smoking break is over. Are you ready to go?”
It feels like Jun just witnessed something very private in a so very not private place; there’s something to be said for the atmosphere Ohno brings with him, but this is different, and no matter how oddly okay Ohno is with having people in his personal space (or rather, how he just doesn’t protest even if he does mind) it’s always been different with Nino.
He closes the door and walks back to the others, there’s no reason why they should know he’d been listening.
~~~
With his nose buried in the newest script, reading corrections, he opens the door and stops.
Nino is flat on his back on the table while Ohno leans over him, looking intensely at his face.
“Er,” Jun says.
They both look over at Jun.
“Nino’s got something in his eye,” Ohno says.
Nino nods, though his gaze looks surprisingly clear for someone who has something in his eye.
Jun resigns himself to another day of events he’ll store in the to never be examined again box. “I’ll leave you to it,” he says and backtracks.
~~~
He’s not sure how he feels about the rowing, and he’s even less sure how he feels about Hikaru-san, but he really does feel genuinely bad about all the phone calls from Ohno he’d let go unanswered. He was angry, he was busy, he was tired, so exhausted and frustrated, and he’d just wanted a break, wanted some time off for once, because his normal days consisted of being on, all the time, and then his free time turned into TV, too, with all the rowing, the practice, the desperate inadequacy.
It’s a feeling he really doesn’t like.
Above all else, he feels guilty, it’s a stinging weight in his chest, and it has nothing to do with the nasty looks it feels like everyone has been throwing him ever since he got there more than fashionably late. Ohno’s embrace had been warm and genuine, the way he hugged him just a little closer when he’d made to let go.
Ohno’s smile is always honest.
And it’s kind of weird sleeping there when he hasn’t been there for the entire training camp, to get last pick of the beds, but they’re not leaving until morning, so he has to. So when Jun can’t sleep in the very, very early morning, he gets up, looks out the window and sees Ohno walking around outside, just a little, a lit cigarette between his fingers, the glowing end of it as Ohno takes a drag.
He needs to apologize. For a lot of things. He takes his robe and goes outside.
And there’s Nino by him now, holding his arm, and they’re murmuring in that quiet way they do while they sit down, sitting close for warmth, Jun suspects.
“He looked happy,” Ohno is saying when Jun gets closer, stepping carefully. “Didn’t he?”
“I told you,” Nino says, stealing Ohno’s cigarette. “You know I’m always right.” And then, low, “Yes, he I suppose he did. He did.”
“That made me really happy, that he was smiling,” Ohno says.
Nino takes a long drag of the cigarette, passes it back to Ohno and exhales, the white smoke uncurling in the early morning. He huffs, “he’d better.”
Ohno says nothing to that, just holds the cigarette as it burns.
“The best leader in the world,” Nino promises, holds Ohno’s wrist up so he can take a drag from the cigarette from Ohno’s hand. “You should get back to bed.”
“Mm.”
Nino knocks their shoulders. “You didn’t sleep last night either, did you?”
Ohno doesn’t say anything at first, but then; “I had to keep trying.”
As if Jun wasn’t feeling guilty enough already. Eavesdroppers truly never hear anything they want to hear.
They don’t say anything for a while for a while and Jun is about to go back inside, resigned to the fact that he won’t get to apologize yet, when Nino very gently says, “it’s okay. You’re okay.”
Ohno’s head is bowed when Jun looks back at them, but he’s not sure what Nino thinks is okay - in any case, Jun will try and get some sleep. He’ll apologize every day if he has to.
~~~
Nino calls Ohno minutes before he’s supposed to be on stage. Sho has been trying to talk him out of it since obviously Ohno would have more thought in his head than actually carrying his cell phone with him on opening night, minutes before he’s supposed to be on stage.
Ohno picks up. Jun knows this from the way Nino’s entire face lights up and not just with I told you so.
“Break lots of legs,” Nino is saying quite vehemently. “All of them.”
And then Jun takes Nino’s phone and turns it off. “Enjoy the play.”
They really do. Now that Jun has, admittedly, pulled his head out of his ass and realized that doing his job doesn’t necessarily have to be just one or the other, that he can do things for himself and do his job, and that his job is actually doing something for himself, it’s not that bad.
It’s actually quite good.
They take Ohno out to dinner afterwards. He’s tired but grinning and they cheer to him. Maybe he’s a little too tired for the amount of beer they get into him, because by dessert, he’s keeling over.
“I’ll take him home,” Nino says with an easy grin when he hitches Ohno up, his arm slung around Ohno’s waist, Ohno’s arm over his shoulders. Now that Jun thinks about it, Nino was on the water wagon all night. Curious. “Someone needs to be able to get him back in one piece he has two performances tomorrow.”
They’ve learned over the years already that if Nino says he’s taking Ohno home, he’s taking Ohno home, regardless of whether his own home is in the completely opposite direction. No one bats an eye at it, although sometimes Jun catches Sho’s eye and shrugs. Tonight is not one of those times as Sho just smiles warmly at Ohno and hugs him quickly. Jun thinks that just as he probably won’t get over how thoroughly great Sho is, Sho will never get over how awesome he thinks Ohno is.
It’s probably just the laws of nature at work.
Perhaps the way Nino curls protectively around Ohno’s arm is just the laws of nature as well, but it’s genuinely hard to tell when Nino at his most open is like pulling teeth and Ohno at best is earnest but terribly clever at misdirecting.
For now, he watches Nino haul Ohno to his car and he thinks: it’s been a good night.
~~~
Nino is in a foul mood. Jun thinks it rather might have something to do with the fact that Sho takes Ohno out for dinner really often these days.
Over the years, Jun has learned a lot of things: about the world, about himself and his group members, one of them being that green is not a good color on Nino. For his part, Ohno appears to be pretty much oblivious to everything going on around him and Jun hasn’t yet managed to figure out how much Ohno actually ignores and how much he just pretends to ignore. Jun doesn’t even think that Ohno is ignoring Nino, but rather that Sho is just quicker.
“Nino,” Jun says, feeling exasperated with these idiots. He has pretty much figured out that whatever they want to do, he doesn’t want or need to know the details, but Nino being right up mean is idiocy. “Get a grip.”
Nino plays on although his grip on the Nintendo is really tight.
“Seriously,” Jun sighs. “It’s stupid.”
No reaction.
“Nino, that vein pulsing on your temple makes you look fifty. Think of your career.” If nothing else, Nino can read into that what he will. “And anyway, Sho-kun is probably just trying to convince Leader into giving him free drawing lessons.”
Nino glances up. “Doubtful,” he says eventually. “But Sho-chan’s probably just filing it under subject research for the exhibition.”
Jun quirks his lips. “He would,” he allows. “You could just ask to go with them, you know they’d say yes.”
Nino shrugs as if it doesn’t matter.
Sometimes it really is like pulling teeth, and Jun really should have resigned himself a long time ago to the fact that those two will actually never make sense in any given meaning of the word. They’ve been doing this for almost ten years and Jun feels nowhere near any closer to figuring out what they’re doing, but then again, he’s not entirely sure that they know what they’re doing on any given day.
Whatever.
~~~
The concert is over and Jun feels jittery, every nerve in his body is alight with adrenaline and the audience roaring their name and Jun just can’t stop grinning.
“Should we go back? Encore?”
Someone is shouting somewhere to his left and he grabs for his microphone again. “Everyone, back on stage!”
The audience is deafening and he’s still laughing and he looks for the others to make sure they’re on his heels, and Ohno’s hand is so tight on Nino’s hand that the skin is slightly white. Jun frowns but doesn’t register more because they’re there and lights are on. He’s used to not getting answers, not the ones he wants in any case, and he knows he won’t get them now anyway.
They’ll probably just say that Nino was warming Ohno’s hand. It’s probably partly true, anyway.
~~~
They spend an entire month (June, Jun thinks dimly, why is June particularly worrisome to him?) not speaking to each other outside of cameras, for no discernable reason. They’re perfectly cordial, easy to laugh in interviews but carefully affectionate in calculated ways, and the one time Jun actually inhales and opens his mouth to ask what the hell they think they’re playing at, Ohno very calmly places a hand on his elbow and Jun’s mouth goes dry.
For all that he wants to say that it isn’t fair and whatever they’re doing concerns them all, they’ve never actually done anything to them. Ohno looks resigned, somehow, his smile a little bit dimmer, his shoulders hunched, and all Jun feels is protective and exasperated and so fond. They’re idiots.
~~~
The less said about Nino’s mood for the duration of Ohno’s trip overseas, the better.
~~~
It goes like this:
In a room, Ohno sits down with Jun and puts two strong beers on the table in front of them. He says, very calmly, very matter of fact: “You already know what I’m supposed to say.”
It’s taken them maybe fifteen years, maybe more, to get them all used to them being them, to there being a them, and for all the times Jun has wanted to strangle them throughout the years, he supposes they had a point with it. An extremely badly made point, but a point, nevertheless. They’ve made him want to rip his hair out and slam his head through the nearest wall with their antics, but… Ohno looks at him with soft eyes and a wry smile, and he very methodically opens the beers.
“Leader, it’s eleven AM,” Jun says.
“Well,” Ohno says and shrugs. “I still think it’s a good idea. It’s for all the times you thought we were idiots. An offering of good-will.”
“There isn’t enough beer in the world if you want to go with that,” Jun points out and hopes his eyebrow is doing the inquisitive thing. Judging by Ohno’s reaction, he’s not particularly successful.
Ohno shrugs again. “It’s not a big deal,” he finally says. “We’ve… it’s been a long time coming.”
“Telling us?”
“Everything,” Ohno clarifies even though it’s not clarification at all. “Nino is - “
“A brat?” Jun suggests and Ohno chuckles. “Terrifying? Homicidal?”
“Complicated,” Ohno corrects, grinning. “I think that’s the very nicest way to describe that aspect of him. Complicated. I’m not easy either,” he adds with a self-deprecating twist of lips. “Add the two of us and things could go nuclear.”
Jun laughs. “There’s nothing nuclear about you guys,” he says and rolls his eyes. “Although if we can avoid a repeat of that year you guys weren’t talking to each other for the entirety of June, that’d be quite awesome.”
Ohno frowns. “What happened in June?”
“How would I know? You’re the one that lived through it! It was absolutely arctic between you guys.”
“Delusional,” Ohno says out of the corner of his mouth and offers Jun one of the beers. “Cheers?”
“I’m still not sure why you’d need the beer,” Jun says but takes it anyway.
Ohno’s grin is wicked. “At least be happy that you got me to talk about this and not Nino, because he threatened to maul me against a door so you’d just see for yourselves.”
Jun blinks, then groans, long and heartfelt. “I don’t want to think about your sex lives.”
“Too late,” Ohno laughs and clinks their bottles. “Cheers.”
“I hate you,” Jun says and means it, but Ohno is still laughing.
“No, you don’t,” he says, confident and warm and Jun really thinks that maybe, they had a point with it all along.
~~~
The end