(no subject)
Title: To Hold (Eighth in the ShinoxKiba/Mark series)
Author: JBMcDragon
Genre: Drama, yaoi
Characters: Kiba and Shino
Rating: Hard R
Summary: Golden bars are still a cage.
Eighth in the Mark series. Links behind cut.
**Shameless pimping: I'm getting a real live story published! It should be out in e-book format this fall (print format next spring)--keep half an eye on my LJ for announcements (or an eye on the kakairu comm, since I'll post fic there when the novella is actually released). Woot!
Author's notes: This is the eighth in the Mark universe. Other stories can be found here:
Mark Yaoi, NC-17, Kiba and Shino.
Important People PG
Noise NC-17
Discomfort PG
Meld PG-13
Names PG
To Have NC-17
I highly recommend reading those before reading this.
To Hold 1/1
JBMcDragon
He squirmed, flesh against flesh, and let his head fall back. Teeth scraped against his neck and he snapped his head up, surprising the other man and catching full lips in a kiss. "Lower," he said, voice rough and husky, and a hand slid down, tugging the zipper on his jeans loose, sliding cool and firm against his cock. Kiba groaned and thrust, loving the feel of friction and heat, a contrast to the cold of the wall against his spine. "Oh, gods," he groaned. "Yeah."
A chest slid against his, lower and lower, until a mouth wrapped around his dick and *sucked.* He tangled his fingers in black hair and closed his eyes, every nerve still wound from his mission twanging, tightening his muscles, dragging nails of lust through his stomach.
It was quick and hard and messy, and exactly what he needed. He came, a tongue lapping at the underside of his cock, tickling his balls, making him whimper.
"Good?" the man on his knees asked a moment later, pulling back.
Kiba dropped and kissed him, tongue thrusting into a hot, wet mouth. Ohhh, good.
**
Neji sat in the formal living room, as immaculately pressed as always.
Shino sat, just as stiff and perfect. A clock marked the silence some distance away, ticking off the seconds. Shino let his eyes drift behind his dark glasses, wishing Hinata would return. She was *late.*
Neji cleared his throat. "I, ah, was sorry to hear about you and Kiba," he said solicitously.
Shino looked at him. "Pardon?"
"You and--and Kiba." Neji looked acutely uncomfortable. Shino supposed it was generous of the man to say anything at all, given how much he didn't like Shino and Kiba's whole situation.
Of course, Shino had no idea what the Hyuuga was talking about. "What about myself and Kiba?"
"That you aren't together," Neji said, frowning. "I mean, I though you were exclu--ah, married?" he was practically wincing, floundering in uncharted waters.
Shino let him flounder for a moment more, then said, "Yes. We are."
Neji looked confused. "But I saw--" then his mouth clicked shut. "I'm sorry. Never mind. I must have been mistaken."
"Yes," Shino said coolly. "You must have." He'd seen? What had he seen? "Kiba just returned from his mission late last night."
"Yes, of course. I was out with Shikamaru yesterday evening, and we thought we saw Kiba. Must have been another Inuzuka," Neji said placatingly.
Shino glared behind his glasses, but let nothing show. He stood, unable to remain seated any longer. "Give Hinata my regards. I'll call her secretary to re-schedule. She's obviously been held up," he said, and excused himself from the room.
His stomach was in knots. Kiba had only returned the night before. He'd stopped at the pub, as he often did after a mission, and staggered home to collapse into bed long before midnight. It was nothing.
Except that since the engagement, there had been a look that appeared sometimes in Kibs's eyes. A look that haunted Shino--the occasional panicked expression, the sudden realization that he was married, he was trapped, and Inuzuka--as Shino had heard time and time again--didn't get married.
It had been fine when they'd just been lovers. No problem. Everything had been great.
Then they'd gotten married, bonding the two clans in such a way that concerns about children or mixing abilities were void. And everything had gone to hell.
Shikamaru, Neji had said. He'd been at the pub with Shikamaru.
The Jounin lived in a nice apartment on the west end of the village, a pretty little place with a balcony big enough for a small rock garden and a chair for cloud gazing.
He was home.
Shino sent a bug up ahead, so that by the time he reached Shikamaru's door the man already had it standing open, though he was outside puttering with a deck of cards. Shino padded quietly up, watching as the Jounin carefully settled a card on the top of a gently wrought castle.
"Ah, there," Shikamaru said with a pleased sigh. Then he turned, squinting against the light. "Can I help you, Shino?" he offered easily.
Shino folded his legs and sat down on the only chair, careful of where he put his feet. There were little tiny card buildings scattered all over the cool marble. "I understand you were at the pub with Neji last night," he said quietly. "I understand you saw Kiba."
He prayed not. And yet, the look he'd seen time after time on his lover's face made him fear the worst.
Shikamaru's expression clouded, and he began to pick up his cards. "Careful what you ask for, Shino," he murmured softly.
"Shikamaru," Shino said, voice quiet but insistent. "Shika. Did you see Kiba?"
Shikamaru shuffled the cards together with dexterous, scarred fingers. "Yes," he said slowly, and began to lay out a pyramid pattern.
When the silence stretched, Shino ground out, "*Shikamaru.*"
"How long have you been married, Shino?" Shikamaru asked idly.
Shino hesitated. "A year."
"And do you honestly suspect Kiba would cheat on you?" Shikamaru asked, slanting an inscrutable look up.
Shino ducked his head, looking out over the balcony railing. He knew his lover's moods, every stray expression. He adored Kiba in a way he had never loved anyone.
And he knew, above all, that Kiba was unhappy. No matter how hard they tried, Kiba wasn't free. He felt trapped. Caught. Betrayed into a marriage he hadn't asked for, hadn't wanted.
Shino would move the sun and moon and stars, if it would make Kiba happy. But it wouldn't.
"Yes," he said quietly. "I honestly suspect Kiba would cheat on me, if he thought it might make him feel free."
Shikamaru looked at him for a long time. The steady regard of those black eyes was almost more than he could carry. Of all the people in the village, Shikamaru, master genius, Ibiki's favorite, informant, double agent, of all the people in the village, Shikamaru saw everything with fathomless black eyes.
"I’m sorry," he said, and turned away to shuffle his cards.
Shino sat, inches away from the other man and yet in another world. Neither acknowledged the other, building the space they each needed.
Then Shino stood and walked out the door.
**
Kiba wandered into the apartment he and his husband had lived in for over a year, feeling vaguely queasy. He set newly bought soy milk--turned out all the Aburame were lactose intolerant--and green tea on the counter, toyed with the idea of making something to settle his stomach, then just headed back to bed. He'd had too much to drink the night before. That was all. It was just--
He stopped in the bedroom doorway. "Hey," he said, dread coiling in his gut. "What are you doing?"
Shino stopped in the midst of folding pants into a suitcase. "What happened last night?"
Kiba hadn't thought he could keep it a secret. But he'd hoped. "Shino, I'm sorry," he said softly, and saw the tiniest eyebrow twitch that spoke worlds to him. Pain, betrayal, hurt. Anger. "I was drinking--" he began, and stopped when Shino turned away and pulled socks out of a drawer. "Shino--"
"We've talked about this," Shino said, voice tight. "You *know* how I feel about--about--" he stopped, and turned. Every move was over controlled. "You *slept* with someone *else?*"
Guilt flashed into anger. "I was *drunk*!" He'd had a pint.
"So now every time you go drinking or clubbing or on a mission I should worry? That makes it okay?" Shino said, quietly and sharply.
"Everyone makes mistakes!" Kiba shouted, knowing he was wrong, unwilling to admit it.
"Not like this," Shino uttered. "Not about something this important." He scooped up undershirts and threw them into his pack.
Shino was leaving. Not just threatening, but actually preparing to go. "You were the one who wanted this in the first place!" Kiba shouted, panic striking.
"Yes. I'm sorry," Shino said quietly, refusing to look up. He flipped the top over and zipped his suitcase. Standing, he pulled the case off the bed. "I need some time."
"You can't just *leave*," Kiba yelled, stepping directly into Shino's path.
Shino stopped, stared at him, cold and hard. The kicaichuu hummed. "I shouldn't have trapped you into marriage. I should have taken my father up on his offer to find a different way. I'm sorry. That was my fault." Then he stepped past, striding down the short hall and into the living room. "This, however, is yours." The door clicked shut behind him.
Kiba stood for a long moment in ringing silence. Emotions tore through him, painful and lightning quick. He reeled, unable to hang onto one thought long enough to see it through. Anger finally rose to the surface, the easiest emotion to deal with, the one he didn't have to blame himself for. Anger was simple. He was angry. Shino made him upset--and he wouldn't think too hard *why* that had happened--and now he was angry.
Kiba raced to the window and leaned out. Down below, Shino marched away. He took a deep breath to shout--something--and couldn't think of a damn thing. Every insult he wanted to scream was stopped by a little voice whispering, "Don't say that. It'd hurt him." Which was stupid, given the circumstances.
Kiba yanked back inside and slammed the window closed.
**
Shino dropped his suitcase on the futon in the guest bedroom, and looked blankly around. He'd hoped--he'd *prayed*--that Kiba would deny it. Would be affronted that he'd even think of it, and would scream at him and accuse him of being untrusting, and then Shino could apologize and feel terrible and pamper and pet the Inuzuka until he calmed down--which might, understandably, take weeks.
He stared at the framed paintings, decorations his mother had hung to make the room more homey.
Kiba hadn't denied it.
Slowly, Shino turned and sat, cradling his head in his hands.
"Shino?" his father said quietly, nothing but a large presence in the doorway. "Are you all right?"
Shino shook his head without looking up. "You were right," he whispered softly. "I should never have married him. Inuzuka weren't meant to be married." He felt hollow, empty, like a void waiting for something to rush in and take over.
He felt like his heart had been ripped out, still beating.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," his father whispered, and the futon creaked as the man sat down, wrapping an arm around Shino's shoulders and pulling him close. A callused hand took Shino's glasses off and tossed them, tugging him closer, into the safety of broad arms.
When he'd been little, he thought those arms could solve every problem. When he'd gotten older, he'd felt them constraining. As a young man, he'd decided they closed too many things out. Now he knew. They held fear, fear of family being hurt, fear of being unable to protect everyone from everything. And they held security, because this was where he could go when everything else was wrong.
Shino leaned into his father, sensing the buzz of kikaichuu under flesh and bones.
**
Kiba stormed around the apartment for a time, then finally took Akamaru for a run. They raced, the two of them, over rooftops and under trees, through parks and over rivers. Chakra meshed, twisted and flowed between them, giving one a needed boost, another the subtlety to affect a partial beast change.
Akamaru, being canine, had more energy than Kiba could ever muster. He kept up, almost always smooth muscles and sleek grace under a heavy fur coat, and Kiba ran and ran until his legs trembled and he couldn't hardly move.
Then he collapsed under a tree, letting the cool moss-covered ground soak away his sweat, and focused on breathing. And only breathing.
"Aka--" he panted, and got a slobbery kiss across his face as his pup, no longer much of a pup, dropped to the ground beside him. Kiba threw himself over the great shoulders, burying his face in fur.
He'd fucked up. He'd fucked up *terribly.*
He hadn't wanted to be married. Inuzuka didn't *get* married. He'd known it would end badly from the beginning. He was trapped, and he'd done something stupid. He'd gnawed his leg free to get loose from the jaws, and the jaws . . .
Had left.
"I don't need 'im," Kiba mumbled into Akamaru, and the dog whined. "I don't! He--he didn't even give me a chance to explain! I didn't *want* to get married!" Akamaru whined again and twisted until he could lick Kiba's arm. Kiba's fingers convulsed, tightening in thick white fur.
He had loved Shino forever. And then he'd gotten what he'd wanted, but--but--Shino wasn't GAY. It couldn't end well. He'd known they were living on borrowed time, that at some point he'd have to leave, that Shino would get tired--and then, before Shino could realize that, they'd been told they had to marry.
Inuzuka didn't get married!
They had flings, and they lived together, and they slept with each other and loved like no other clan, but they didn't *marry!* And no one understood that! He'd been trapped, caught, stuck and waiting for a man to realize he wasn't in love and--and--
Damn Shino!
"I don't need him," Kiba nearly sobbed into Akamaru's fur. "I don't *need* him. It's better this way. He was never going to stay. I--I *want* to fuck other people."
Akamaru whined and twisted under him, a damn uncomfortable pillow. Teeth closed on Kiba's ankle.
"Knock that off!" Kiba shouted, enraged at Akamaru even though it wasn't Akamaru's fault. "Shino should have--shouldn't have--we shouldn't have gotten married! It fucked everything up! I never wanted just one partner, anyway!"
Akamaru snapped again, but Kiba yanked his legs away. He shoved to his feet, unsteady. "Fuck him! Fuck you! I don't--I didn't--It was--" he didn't know what to say, didn't even know what he wanted to say. He scrubbed a hand across his face, felt dirt and sweat crumble free. "I need a shower," he murmured, and with the anger gone as suddenly as it had appeared, began the long trudge home.
**
He couldn't stand his apartment. It seemed empty without Shino, silent without the quiet man studying something or other, papers spread across the table.
Kiba fled.
He didn't need Shino. He hadn't wanted to be married. This wasn't his fault, and he'd show them all.
He refused to be unhappy. This wasn't his fault. This was his mother's fault for forcing him into this marriage, and Shino's fault for baiting him along. He wouldn't be upset about what he'd done--not for them.
The bar was crowded. Kiba forced a smile, a manic laugh, and bought himself three shots. Alcohol was forgiveness, and forgiveness was divine.
Drunkenness brought friends, who bought divinity, and as the priests said, divinity could take away your pain.
**
Shino took missions as often as possible, and tried not to hear the whispers that weren't quiet enough.
He went to his apartment to get his things only when he knew Kiba wouldn't be there. When, for instance, Kiba was out of the village. Or in another man's bed. He tried to pretend like he didn't hear about those, like he didn't know Kiba spent virtually all his nights elsewhere.
Akamaru seemed depressed. The final time Shino went, gathering the last of his belongings, he stopped to pat the big dog lying outside the front door and to let him in. He refilled Akamaru's food and gave him a good brushing, pulling out tufts of shedding fur. Then Shino left a window open so the canine could come and go, picked up his bag, and walked out.
**
"They aren't speaking."
Neji moved his piece, unsure what to say to that declaration. "I'm sorry," he murmured finally.
Hinata fidgeted, plucking at the hem of her shirt. "It's just that, if they're not speaking to each other . . ." she chewed on her lip, moved her piece absently, and stared out the window.
Neji didn't finish her sentence. It hung in the air between them, unspoken and full of emotion: if her Genin team wasn't speaking, then the bonds she'd formed, leaned on, relied on, and come to believe in, were shattered. "If they won't speak to each other," Neji said quietly, staring at the shogi board but not yet moving, "will they speak to you?"
Hinata tapped her index fingers together.
**
"Come in. Welcome," Shino said softly, stepping to one side so that Hinata could enter the little reception room ahead of him. He paused, turning to pull the sliding doors closed, then faced Hinata. She hadn't sat, stood just a few feet away, small and delicate in her oversized coat.
He smiled at her gently. "I haven't seen you in that in years."
She smiled back, pale eyes bright. "I needed the warmth."
They stood for a moment, awkward. Then Hinata stepped forward, wrapping her arms around Shino's waist, leaning her head against his chest. "Shino, he doesn't mean it," she whispered.
He felt her breath against his coat, her arms muscled beneath layers of cloth. He hugged her back, eyes hot and dry. "I know," Shino said, petting her soothingly. But Kiba was doing it, anyway.
Hinata sniffled, clinging tighter. Shino emotionally distanced himself, providing her support as he had so many times before. Always the rock in their little trio, it was easy to slide into that role again.
He missed Kiba. Gods, he missed Kiba. But the man was living out the freedom he'd wanted so badly. Shino hoped he was happier.
**
Akamaru wouldn't speak to him anymore. It was odd to mourn the absence of a dog's conversation, but Kiba did. He poured food into the dog bowl and reached out to pet soft white fur, rubbing the floppy ears.
Akamaru growled softly.
Kiba straightened. "Want some coffee, Hinata-chan?" He didn't turn to look at her. He'd let her in, despite the early hour, and he knew she was sitting on his futon--the futon he'd bought with Shino when they'd realized they needed some kind of couch. The futon covered with dirty clothes that weren't Shino's, with white fur that Shino had always demanded be cleaned up.
"When did you start drinking coffee?" she asked, her voice small and soft.
He shrugged, shoulders jerking beneath his undershirt. "I dunno." When someone had mentioned it was a good way to get rid of a hangover. That didn't seem to work, but he'd kept drinking it anyway.
He glanced back, watching Hinata. Her lips were pursed, her expression warring between concern and disapproval. He hunched his shoulders and waited for the accusation he felt he deserved.
This wasn't his fault. Shino didn't really love him, anyway. The man just hadn't realized it, yet. Inuzuka didn't get married, and he hadn't wanted to be caged. Fuck 'em all.
He glared at Hinata.
"Why don't you get dressed," she said softly, "and we'll go for ramen?"
**
She'd planned on telling him he was screwing up, that Shino still loved him, that he needed to stop sleeping around and acting like an ass.
Probably not in those words, because Hinata never used those words, but with that intention.
But watching Kiba try desperately to pretend like his soul wasn't bleeding, watching him reel away from her at so much as the breath of an accusation . . . Hinata couldn't do it.
He'd isolated himself, driven away most of his friends, and Hinata could only hope that if she remained with him, when he came around she'd still be there. She had to believe he'd come around.
"Why did you do it?" she asked softly, sitting at a little outdoor table with bowls of ramen in front of them.
Kiba shrugged, peering out across the village. "He doesn't really love me, Hinata. He's not actually gay. He just didn't get a chance to realize it before we got married. And Inuzuka don't marry, anyway! How many times have I heard them say it's the end of things--you get married and you hate your spouse. Better to live free than be trapped like that."
Hinata watched, sifting through his facial expressions, listening with an ear for the truth. All of it was true, and none of it was the reason. But some of it was close.
She wondered if he even knew why he'd done it. "Are you being careful?" she asked, the only advice she could give without sending him skidding away.
He flushed and looked down at his bowl. "I . . . not at first. But I got checked out," he added quickly, "and I've been using condoms, so . . ." He glared across the street again. "It's not like it matters. Shino and I aren't doing anything anyway, and . . ."
"I would be upset if you got sick," Hinata said softly.
Kiba jerked a shrug, his usual grace lost.
"Oh, gods, Kiba," Hinata said achingly. "Don't hurt yourself over this, all right?"
Kiba looked at her, surprise written on his face. "I'm not!"
"Unprotected sex and--be careful on your missions. Please?" Because if he didn't think it mattered for his sake that he got sick, then he might not think it mattered if he got hurt. Or killed.
He flushed. "I'll be careful, Hinata-chan."
**
Shino picked up his mission scroll and started walking out of the office, glancing over it. Then he stopped and turned back, pacing to the desk. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to respectfully decline this mission," he said quietly, setting the scroll back in front of Tsunade.
She looked up, frowning. "Why?"
Shino took a deep breath. "This mission has me paired with Inuzuka Kiba. I don't think--"
"You'll be fine," Tsunade said, and turned back to her aide.
"Then I'd like to respectfully request a psychiatric evaluation first." Shino kept his voice calm, quiet, knowing she could hear him.
Tsunade turned back. "On Kiba?"
"On myself." Because he couldn't work with Kiba. He *couldn't.*
Three months since they'd split, and he could barely look at the other man. Could barely listen when he heard what Kiba was doing. He thought his heart might break all over again, every time he heard that his husband had slept with someone else, shattering their vows over and over.
Tsunade turned back to stare at him. He felt like a fly caught under a microscope. "Very well," she said, taking the scroll. "Report to Ibiki."
Not exactly a psychiatric evaluation. Close enough. It would go on his permanent record, a black spot in an otherwise perfect career. He didn't care. He couldn't work with Kiba.
**
Kiba slammed back against the wall, drunk and horny, someone pressing up against him. Hot breath in his ear, a hand tight around his wrist, lips on his neck.
Not the right someone. The breath smelled wrong. The grip was too broad. The lips were too wet. He tried desperately to ignore it, to not want what he couldn't have.
He couldn't have Shino. Shino didn't really love him. Kiba didn't want to be married, anyway.
Shino hadn't broken their promises, even after four months of separation. He'd let Kiba go, as he'd said he would, and he hadn't found other bodies to warm his bed.
The man ground up against him, pinning him to the wall, slobbering on his neck. It wasn't the man he wanted. "Stop," Kiba said faintly.
Teeth nipped at his jugular, a nose pushing his head back, trying to force submission.
"Stop," Kiba snapped, and rabbit punched the man. The Chuunin staggered back, howling. Laughter flowed through the crowded bar.
"You don't mess with Inuzuka's throats," someone said from the back.
Kiba stumbled toward the door, toward fresh air. Pushed through and collapsed against the wall, looking up at stars struggling to be seen through the village lights.
He wanted Shino. He hadn't wanted to be married, hadn't wanted that cage. Had been afraid that Shino would grow tired, would leave. In sudden drunken clarity, Kiba knew what he'd done--pushed Shino away before Shino could go himself.
But Shino hadn't gone. Even through all this, he'd remained faithful. He didn't sleep with other people, no matter how Kiba tried to drive him to it. He hadn't tried to take the apartment, or bad talked Kiba, or anything exes were supposed to do.
Kiba pulled himself away from the wall. He needed the stars. He needed to go home.
It was cold out by the time he reached the Inuzuka complex. His tent had long since been given away, but his mother's cookfire burned through the night. He sat there, arms tight around his body until the dogs arrived. They slid up to him while their owners slept, curling around him in support no matter what he'd done. They lent their body heat and fur, washed his face with big tongues, curled under his head and around his torso. He looked up at the sky and couldn't see the stars for the water in his eyes. The dogs lapped that up, too, and held him through the night.
**
He'd bathed in the forest stream, brushed his teeth over his mother's basin, drunk tea to soothe the hangover, brushed his hair and put on clean clothes--never mind that they were covered in dog fur.
Then he went to Shino's. Kiba knocked on the door, then stood, fussing with his shirt, his pants. Hoping he looked presentable.
The door opened and he jumped, not prepared to see Shino--
But it wasn't Shino. He blinked and looked around the man, but Shino wasn't in the hall, either. "Is Shino here?" Kiba asked, sniffing. He could smell Shino--his lover, his husband, who still hadn't left him and if he was very lucky never would.
"No."
His gaze snapped to the man in the doorway. Kiba sniffed again. Smelled Shino, not far, in the back maybe. "I can smell him."
"I'm afraid he isn't taking visitors right now."
"I'm not a visitor," Kiba said, feeling his lips lift off his canines. "I'm his husband."
The man inclined his head. "Shino has said he is not seeing you. I'm sorry."
Kiba stood as the man stepped back and closed the door.
Not seeing him.
He stepped down off the porch.
Not seeing him.
He paused, looking at the windows, rows upon rows of eyes watching him from behind dark glass.
Not seeing him.
He turned and walked away.
**
Hinata poured tea, unable to look at the bundle of misery across from her.
"I fucked up," Kiba said softly, arms wrapped around his knees.
Hinata said nothing. He was right.
"Shino wouldn't see me."
After four months of burning bridges, she wasn't surprised.
"Hinata--I didn't mean to hurt him," Kiba whispered. "I love him. I was just--I didn't want him to leave me, and I screwed up." He was quiet for a long time. Then, finally, "Am I really a horrible person?"
She looked up, and saw it in his eyes: he expected forgiveness. Absolution for the things he'd done, for breaking Shino's heart. He expected her to tell him he wasn't a bad person, that Shino was wrong for not taking him back despite the nights he'd spent with other men, knowing how Shino felt about that betrayal. Then he could be the victim again, he could be wounded and it would be all right.
But it wasn't all right. He'd done this.
Hinata floundered, unsure what to say. A voice behind her spoke instead.
"Yes."
Kiba's gaze shot upward, surprised. Hinata turned to see Neji standing in the doorway, his pale eyes narrowed.
Neji stepped into the room, eyes locked on Kiba. "You profess to love that man. You promised not to hurt him. You held his heart in your hands and you broke it, knowing the whole while that what you were doing would shatter him. Yes, you are a horrible person."
Kiba shook his head sharply, standing.
"Hinata and I married because we were told to, not for love. And I wouldn't do to her what you've done to Shino. You say you hold him in higher regard than anyone else on this world. You took the one thing you knew he couldn't forgive, and you did it. Over and over again."
"Shut up," Kiba snapped, hands curling into fists.
"No." Neji was calm, implacable. "You hurt him, and now you want him back and you expect him to just take you? All those months of betrayal forgotten? You expect to be forgiven, and why? Because you love him? He loved you." Neji tipped his head, looking down his nose at Kiba, lip lifted in a sneer. "You are less than a horrible person. You disgust me."
"You son of a--" Kiba began, but Neji turned and walked from the room. "He's wrong," Kiba snarled, nearly shaking with anger. "He's *wrong.*"
Hinata sipped her tea and said nothing.
**
"Kiba's been asking for you."
Shino didn't look up from his scroll, sitting quiet and reserved on a mat. "I know."
His father stepped farther into the room, sitting down across from him. "Are you going to see him?"
"No." There was no hesitation. He'd had enough heartbreak. He'd set Kiba free, which was what Kiba had always wanted. He'd hurt over the last months, more than he'd thought possible. Finally, *finally* he was becoming numb, and now Kiba wanted to see him? No. He couldn't do it.
"I think you should."
He didn't look up. "Why? Is this causing a rift in Aburame-Inuzuka relations?"
"No," his father said, frowning.
"Has Tsunade ordered us to live together again?"
"No," his father repeated.
"Then I don't need to see him."
Cloth shifted. "It might help you."
Shino hurt. "It won't."
"Shino--"
"Please, Father," he said, standing. "Please." He left the room, unable to bear the conversation anymore. He wanted Kiba back. Wanted him back more than anything, and knew that things would never be the same. Never.
**
"What does he want from me?" Kiba nearly shouted at Hinata, distressed. "It's been two months! Two months, Hinata-chan, and he still won't see me!"
"Kiba," she said softly, trying to imagine how to explain it to him. Four months of hell versus two of Kiba behaving. The scales weren't even. She didn't know if you could even scales like these, anyway.
"He won't even talk to me. How can I show him that I'm doing what he wants if he won't even talk to me?"
She hated seeing her friends like this. Shino seemed a robot, going through the motions of every day life without a soul. Kiba was killing himself being perfect, doing his missions and coming home, training, nothing else.
"All I want is another chance," Kiba said, words nearly a whisper, all the anxiety gone, washed away by despair. "I love him. I was wrong. I want to be married again. Hell, he can put me in a real cage if it means he'll take me back."
**
"No."
"But, Shino," Hinata tried, tapping her fingers together, "he's really sorry."
"I can't do it, Hinata." Shino picked up a pebble from the riverbank, running his fingers over it. "Don't ask me."
"He just wants to talk to you."
The pebble was smooth, almost perfect. A fine crack ran down the center. Shino closed his eyes, feeling for it. He couldn't. He knew it was there, that a sharp rap would break the stone in two, but he couldn't feel it. "Tell him that if he comes by, I'll talk to him. And that's all."
"I'll tell him." Soft lips pressed against his cheek; Shino stooped a little so Hinata could reach easier. Then she was gone.
**
Kiba took extra care with his appearance. He washed everything and brushed his hair. He flossed between his teeth, and gargled with mouthwash. He made sure his clothes were clean, and he wore the pants Shino liked with the shirt that made him look a little older.
He'd step back into his cage and live there happily, if Shino would just be there, too.
He took Akamaru, because the dog wouldn't stay behind. They walked slowly to the Aburame residence, so Kiba didn't get all sweaty. Shino was always cool and collected; Kiba wanted to look like he could be, too.
The walk through the front gardens was the longest he'd ever taken. Kiba knocked on the door and waited, trying not to fidget.
Shino opened it.
He looked thinner than Kiba remembered. Paler, too. More inscrutable behind the dark glasses and bulky coat.
"Hi," Kiba said softly, and tried a smile.
Shino just inclined his head. He didn't step out, and he didn't invite Kiba in. Akamaru whined. Shino smiled at the dog, bending to scratch his floppy ears with big hands. "Hello, Akamaru," he said softly.
Kiba looked longingly at the dog and Shino, wishing he could be greeted and forgiven as easily. "I'm sorry," he blurted.
Shino stilled. He straightened, face implacable again. "Me, too. I shouldn't have forced you into marriage."
"No--" Kiba said quietly, flushing. "I--I mean, I liked marriage. Only . . . I thought you were gonna leave me." Hinata had said to be honest. He stared at his feet. He should have worn sandals, not boots. Should have picked pants that didn't look like he was trying to impress. Was he too desperate? He didn't know.
"I wouldn't have left you, Kiba," Shino said softly, deep voice filling the distance between them.
"I know that now. And I'm sorry. Please forgive me?" He looked up, hoping against hope that Shino would just smile and tell him all was forgotten.
Shino didn't smile. "You're forgiven."
But things didn't seem better. "Can we . . . go back to the way things were?"
A minute shift of muscles; the tiniest alteration in stance. "I can't do that."
Kiba stopped breathing. Started again, painfully. "But--"
"I'm sorry."
"I love you." That was supposed to make everything better, right? "Shino--I love you."
Shino looked at him, face pale. "I love you, too. But I can't trust you."
Kiba shook his head. "Yes, you can. I promise. I--"
"You promised before. And when things got too much, you broke that promise."
"I was drunk," Kiba said quickly.
"So I should only worry when you're on missions and might drink? Or when you return, and might drink? Or when you go to see your friends, and might drink?" Shino spoke softly, a sad smile on his lips. "No. You were right. We should never have trapped you like that." His voice was rough.
"Shino," Kiba said quickly, feeling the man pull away, draw back into the house. "Wait." Desperate now, and he didn't care. "I promise to do better. Please."
Shino leaned in, fingers light on Kiba's jaw, and kissed him softly. "I love you," he whispered, and moved away.
Kiba tasted salt on his lips. Shino stepped inside. The door closed.
For a long moment, Kiba just stood there. Then, slowly, he backed down the porch stairs. And walked away.
--End
*edit: if you enjoyed this, please consider checking out www.jbmcdonald.com!
Author: JBMcDragon
Genre: Drama, yaoi
Characters: Kiba and Shino
Rating: Hard R
Summary: Golden bars are still a cage.
Eighth in the Mark series. Links behind cut.
**Shameless pimping: I'm getting a real live story published! It should be out in e-book format this fall (print format next spring)--keep half an eye on my LJ for announcements (or an eye on the kakairu comm, since I'll post fic there when the novella is actually released). Woot!
Author's notes: This is the eighth in the Mark universe. Other stories can be found here:
Mark Yaoi, NC-17, Kiba and Shino.
Important People PG
Noise NC-17
Discomfort PG
Meld PG-13
Names PG
To Have NC-17
I highly recommend reading those before reading this.
To Hold 1/1
JBMcDragon
He squirmed, flesh against flesh, and let his head fall back. Teeth scraped against his neck and he snapped his head up, surprising the other man and catching full lips in a kiss. "Lower," he said, voice rough and husky, and a hand slid down, tugging the zipper on his jeans loose, sliding cool and firm against his cock. Kiba groaned and thrust, loving the feel of friction and heat, a contrast to the cold of the wall against his spine. "Oh, gods," he groaned. "Yeah."
A chest slid against his, lower and lower, until a mouth wrapped around his dick and *sucked.* He tangled his fingers in black hair and closed his eyes, every nerve still wound from his mission twanging, tightening his muscles, dragging nails of lust through his stomach.
It was quick and hard and messy, and exactly what he needed. He came, a tongue lapping at the underside of his cock, tickling his balls, making him whimper.
"Good?" the man on his knees asked a moment later, pulling back.
Kiba dropped and kissed him, tongue thrusting into a hot, wet mouth. Ohhh, good.
**
Neji sat in the formal living room, as immaculately pressed as always.
Shino sat, just as stiff and perfect. A clock marked the silence some distance away, ticking off the seconds. Shino let his eyes drift behind his dark glasses, wishing Hinata would return. She was *late.*
Neji cleared his throat. "I, ah, was sorry to hear about you and Kiba," he said solicitously.
Shino looked at him. "Pardon?"
"You and--and Kiba." Neji looked acutely uncomfortable. Shino supposed it was generous of the man to say anything at all, given how much he didn't like Shino and Kiba's whole situation.
Of course, Shino had no idea what the Hyuuga was talking about. "What about myself and Kiba?"
"That you aren't together," Neji said, frowning. "I mean, I though you were exclu--ah, married?" he was practically wincing, floundering in uncharted waters.
Shino let him flounder for a moment more, then said, "Yes. We are."
Neji looked confused. "But I saw--" then his mouth clicked shut. "I'm sorry. Never mind. I must have been mistaken."
"Yes," Shino said coolly. "You must have." He'd seen? What had he seen? "Kiba just returned from his mission late last night."
"Yes, of course. I was out with Shikamaru yesterday evening, and we thought we saw Kiba. Must have been another Inuzuka," Neji said placatingly.
Shino glared behind his glasses, but let nothing show. He stood, unable to remain seated any longer. "Give Hinata my regards. I'll call her secretary to re-schedule. She's obviously been held up," he said, and excused himself from the room.
His stomach was in knots. Kiba had only returned the night before. He'd stopped at the pub, as he often did after a mission, and staggered home to collapse into bed long before midnight. It was nothing.
Except that since the engagement, there had been a look that appeared sometimes in Kibs's eyes. A look that haunted Shino--the occasional panicked expression, the sudden realization that he was married, he was trapped, and Inuzuka--as Shino had heard time and time again--didn't get married.
It had been fine when they'd just been lovers. No problem. Everything had been great.
Then they'd gotten married, bonding the two clans in such a way that concerns about children or mixing abilities were void. And everything had gone to hell.
Shikamaru, Neji had said. He'd been at the pub with Shikamaru.
The Jounin lived in a nice apartment on the west end of the village, a pretty little place with a balcony big enough for a small rock garden and a chair for cloud gazing.
He was home.
Shino sent a bug up ahead, so that by the time he reached Shikamaru's door the man already had it standing open, though he was outside puttering with a deck of cards. Shino padded quietly up, watching as the Jounin carefully settled a card on the top of a gently wrought castle.
"Ah, there," Shikamaru said with a pleased sigh. Then he turned, squinting against the light. "Can I help you, Shino?" he offered easily.
Shino folded his legs and sat down on the only chair, careful of where he put his feet. There were little tiny card buildings scattered all over the cool marble. "I understand you were at the pub with Neji last night," he said quietly. "I understand you saw Kiba."
He prayed not. And yet, the look he'd seen time after time on his lover's face made him fear the worst.
Shikamaru's expression clouded, and he began to pick up his cards. "Careful what you ask for, Shino," he murmured softly.
"Shikamaru," Shino said, voice quiet but insistent. "Shika. Did you see Kiba?"
Shikamaru shuffled the cards together with dexterous, scarred fingers. "Yes," he said slowly, and began to lay out a pyramid pattern.
When the silence stretched, Shino ground out, "*Shikamaru.*"
"How long have you been married, Shino?" Shikamaru asked idly.
Shino hesitated. "A year."
"And do you honestly suspect Kiba would cheat on you?" Shikamaru asked, slanting an inscrutable look up.
Shino ducked his head, looking out over the balcony railing. He knew his lover's moods, every stray expression. He adored Kiba in a way he had never loved anyone.
And he knew, above all, that Kiba was unhappy. No matter how hard they tried, Kiba wasn't free. He felt trapped. Caught. Betrayed into a marriage he hadn't asked for, hadn't wanted.
Shino would move the sun and moon and stars, if it would make Kiba happy. But it wouldn't.
"Yes," he said quietly. "I honestly suspect Kiba would cheat on me, if he thought it might make him feel free."
Shikamaru looked at him for a long time. The steady regard of those black eyes was almost more than he could carry. Of all the people in the village, Shikamaru, master genius, Ibiki's favorite, informant, double agent, of all the people in the village, Shikamaru saw everything with fathomless black eyes.
"I’m sorry," he said, and turned away to shuffle his cards.
Shino sat, inches away from the other man and yet in another world. Neither acknowledged the other, building the space they each needed.
Then Shino stood and walked out the door.
**
Kiba wandered into the apartment he and his husband had lived in for over a year, feeling vaguely queasy. He set newly bought soy milk--turned out all the Aburame were lactose intolerant--and green tea on the counter, toyed with the idea of making something to settle his stomach, then just headed back to bed. He'd had too much to drink the night before. That was all. It was just--
He stopped in the bedroom doorway. "Hey," he said, dread coiling in his gut. "What are you doing?"
Shino stopped in the midst of folding pants into a suitcase. "What happened last night?"
Kiba hadn't thought he could keep it a secret. But he'd hoped. "Shino, I'm sorry," he said softly, and saw the tiniest eyebrow twitch that spoke worlds to him. Pain, betrayal, hurt. Anger. "I was drinking--" he began, and stopped when Shino turned away and pulled socks out of a drawer. "Shino--"
"We've talked about this," Shino said, voice tight. "You *know* how I feel about--about--" he stopped, and turned. Every move was over controlled. "You *slept* with someone *else?*"
Guilt flashed into anger. "I was *drunk*!" He'd had a pint.
"So now every time you go drinking or clubbing or on a mission I should worry? That makes it okay?" Shino said, quietly and sharply.
"Everyone makes mistakes!" Kiba shouted, knowing he was wrong, unwilling to admit it.
"Not like this," Shino uttered. "Not about something this important." He scooped up undershirts and threw them into his pack.
Shino was leaving. Not just threatening, but actually preparing to go. "You were the one who wanted this in the first place!" Kiba shouted, panic striking.
"Yes. I'm sorry," Shino said quietly, refusing to look up. He flipped the top over and zipped his suitcase. Standing, he pulled the case off the bed. "I need some time."
"You can't just *leave*," Kiba yelled, stepping directly into Shino's path.
Shino stopped, stared at him, cold and hard. The kicaichuu hummed. "I shouldn't have trapped you into marriage. I should have taken my father up on his offer to find a different way. I'm sorry. That was my fault." Then he stepped past, striding down the short hall and into the living room. "This, however, is yours." The door clicked shut behind him.
Kiba stood for a long moment in ringing silence. Emotions tore through him, painful and lightning quick. He reeled, unable to hang onto one thought long enough to see it through. Anger finally rose to the surface, the easiest emotion to deal with, the one he didn't have to blame himself for. Anger was simple. He was angry. Shino made him upset--and he wouldn't think too hard *why* that had happened--and now he was angry.
Kiba raced to the window and leaned out. Down below, Shino marched away. He took a deep breath to shout--something--and couldn't think of a damn thing. Every insult he wanted to scream was stopped by a little voice whispering, "Don't say that. It'd hurt him." Which was stupid, given the circumstances.
Kiba yanked back inside and slammed the window closed.
**
Shino dropped his suitcase on the futon in the guest bedroom, and looked blankly around. He'd hoped--he'd *prayed*--that Kiba would deny it. Would be affronted that he'd even think of it, and would scream at him and accuse him of being untrusting, and then Shino could apologize and feel terrible and pamper and pet the Inuzuka until he calmed down--which might, understandably, take weeks.
He stared at the framed paintings, decorations his mother had hung to make the room more homey.
Kiba hadn't denied it.
Slowly, Shino turned and sat, cradling his head in his hands.
"Shino?" his father said quietly, nothing but a large presence in the doorway. "Are you all right?"
Shino shook his head without looking up. "You were right," he whispered softly. "I should never have married him. Inuzuka weren't meant to be married." He felt hollow, empty, like a void waiting for something to rush in and take over.
He felt like his heart had been ripped out, still beating.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," his father whispered, and the futon creaked as the man sat down, wrapping an arm around Shino's shoulders and pulling him close. A callused hand took Shino's glasses off and tossed them, tugging him closer, into the safety of broad arms.
When he'd been little, he thought those arms could solve every problem. When he'd gotten older, he'd felt them constraining. As a young man, he'd decided they closed too many things out. Now he knew. They held fear, fear of family being hurt, fear of being unable to protect everyone from everything. And they held security, because this was where he could go when everything else was wrong.
Shino leaned into his father, sensing the buzz of kikaichuu under flesh and bones.
**
Kiba stormed around the apartment for a time, then finally took Akamaru for a run. They raced, the two of them, over rooftops and under trees, through parks and over rivers. Chakra meshed, twisted and flowed between them, giving one a needed boost, another the subtlety to affect a partial beast change.
Akamaru, being canine, had more energy than Kiba could ever muster. He kept up, almost always smooth muscles and sleek grace under a heavy fur coat, and Kiba ran and ran until his legs trembled and he couldn't hardly move.
Then he collapsed under a tree, letting the cool moss-covered ground soak away his sweat, and focused on breathing. And only breathing.
"Aka--" he panted, and got a slobbery kiss across his face as his pup, no longer much of a pup, dropped to the ground beside him. Kiba threw himself over the great shoulders, burying his face in fur.
He'd fucked up. He'd fucked up *terribly.*
He hadn't wanted to be married. Inuzuka didn't *get* married. He'd known it would end badly from the beginning. He was trapped, and he'd done something stupid. He'd gnawed his leg free to get loose from the jaws, and the jaws . . .
Had left.
"I don't need 'im," Kiba mumbled into Akamaru, and the dog whined. "I don't! He--he didn't even give me a chance to explain! I didn't *want* to get married!" Akamaru whined again and twisted until he could lick Kiba's arm. Kiba's fingers convulsed, tightening in thick white fur.
He had loved Shino forever. And then he'd gotten what he'd wanted, but--but--Shino wasn't GAY. It couldn't end well. He'd known they were living on borrowed time, that at some point he'd have to leave, that Shino would get tired--and then, before Shino could realize that, they'd been told they had to marry.
Inuzuka didn't get married!
They had flings, and they lived together, and they slept with each other and loved like no other clan, but they didn't *marry!* And no one understood that! He'd been trapped, caught, stuck and waiting for a man to realize he wasn't in love and--and--
Damn Shino!
"I don't need him," Kiba nearly sobbed into Akamaru's fur. "I don't *need* him. It's better this way. He was never going to stay. I--I *want* to fuck other people."
Akamaru whined and twisted under him, a damn uncomfortable pillow. Teeth closed on Kiba's ankle.
"Knock that off!" Kiba shouted, enraged at Akamaru even though it wasn't Akamaru's fault. "Shino should have--shouldn't have--we shouldn't have gotten married! It fucked everything up! I never wanted just one partner, anyway!"
Akamaru snapped again, but Kiba yanked his legs away. He shoved to his feet, unsteady. "Fuck him! Fuck you! I don't--I didn't--It was--" he didn't know what to say, didn't even know what he wanted to say. He scrubbed a hand across his face, felt dirt and sweat crumble free. "I need a shower," he murmured, and with the anger gone as suddenly as it had appeared, began the long trudge home.
**
He couldn't stand his apartment. It seemed empty without Shino, silent without the quiet man studying something or other, papers spread across the table.
Kiba fled.
He didn't need Shino. He hadn't wanted to be married. This wasn't his fault, and he'd show them all.
He refused to be unhappy. This wasn't his fault. This was his mother's fault for forcing him into this marriage, and Shino's fault for baiting him along. He wouldn't be upset about what he'd done--not for them.
The bar was crowded. Kiba forced a smile, a manic laugh, and bought himself three shots. Alcohol was forgiveness, and forgiveness was divine.
Drunkenness brought friends, who bought divinity, and as the priests said, divinity could take away your pain.
**
Shino took missions as often as possible, and tried not to hear the whispers that weren't quiet enough.
He went to his apartment to get his things only when he knew Kiba wouldn't be there. When, for instance, Kiba was out of the village. Or in another man's bed. He tried to pretend like he didn't hear about those, like he didn't know Kiba spent virtually all his nights elsewhere.
Akamaru seemed depressed. The final time Shino went, gathering the last of his belongings, he stopped to pat the big dog lying outside the front door and to let him in. He refilled Akamaru's food and gave him a good brushing, pulling out tufts of shedding fur. Then Shino left a window open so the canine could come and go, picked up his bag, and walked out.
**
"They aren't speaking."
Neji moved his piece, unsure what to say to that declaration. "I'm sorry," he murmured finally.
Hinata fidgeted, plucking at the hem of her shirt. "It's just that, if they're not speaking to each other . . ." she chewed on her lip, moved her piece absently, and stared out the window.
Neji didn't finish her sentence. It hung in the air between them, unspoken and full of emotion: if her Genin team wasn't speaking, then the bonds she'd formed, leaned on, relied on, and come to believe in, were shattered. "If they won't speak to each other," Neji said quietly, staring at the shogi board but not yet moving, "will they speak to you?"
Hinata tapped her index fingers together.
**
"Come in. Welcome," Shino said softly, stepping to one side so that Hinata could enter the little reception room ahead of him. He paused, turning to pull the sliding doors closed, then faced Hinata. She hadn't sat, stood just a few feet away, small and delicate in her oversized coat.
He smiled at her gently. "I haven't seen you in that in years."
She smiled back, pale eyes bright. "I needed the warmth."
They stood for a moment, awkward. Then Hinata stepped forward, wrapping her arms around Shino's waist, leaning her head against his chest. "Shino, he doesn't mean it," she whispered.
He felt her breath against his coat, her arms muscled beneath layers of cloth. He hugged her back, eyes hot and dry. "I know," Shino said, petting her soothingly. But Kiba was doing it, anyway.
Hinata sniffled, clinging tighter. Shino emotionally distanced himself, providing her support as he had so many times before. Always the rock in their little trio, it was easy to slide into that role again.
He missed Kiba. Gods, he missed Kiba. But the man was living out the freedom he'd wanted so badly. Shino hoped he was happier.
**
Akamaru wouldn't speak to him anymore. It was odd to mourn the absence of a dog's conversation, but Kiba did. He poured food into the dog bowl and reached out to pet soft white fur, rubbing the floppy ears.
Akamaru growled softly.
Kiba straightened. "Want some coffee, Hinata-chan?" He didn't turn to look at her. He'd let her in, despite the early hour, and he knew she was sitting on his futon--the futon he'd bought with Shino when they'd realized they needed some kind of couch. The futon covered with dirty clothes that weren't Shino's, with white fur that Shino had always demanded be cleaned up.
"When did you start drinking coffee?" she asked, her voice small and soft.
He shrugged, shoulders jerking beneath his undershirt. "I dunno." When someone had mentioned it was a good way to get rid of a hangover. That didn't seem to work, but he'd kept drinking it anyway.
He glanced back, watching Hinata. Her lips were pursed, her expression warring between concern and disapproval. He hunched his shoulders and waited for the accusation he felt he deserved.
This wasn't his fault. Shino didn't really love him, anyway. The man just hadn't realized it, yet. Inuzuka didn't get married, and he hadn't wanted to be caged. Fuck 'em all.
He glared at Hinata.
"Why don't you get dressed," she said softly, "and we'll go for ramen?"
**
She'd planned on telling him he was screwing up, that Shino still loved him, that he needed to stop sleeping around and acting like an ass.
Probably not in those words, because Hinata never used those words, but with that intention.
But watching Kiba try desperately to pretend like his soul wasn't bleeding, watching him reel away from her at so much as the breath of an accusation . . . Hinata couldn't do it.
He'd isolated himself, driven away most of his friends, and Hinata could only hope that if she remained with him, when he came around she'd still be there. She had to believe he'd come around.
"Why did you do it?" she asked softly, sitting at a little outdoor table with bowls of ramen in front of them.
Kiba shrugged, peering out across the village. "He doesn't really love me, Hinata. He's not actually gay. He just didn't get a chance to realize it before we got married. And Inuzuka don't marry, anyway! How many times have I heard them say it's the end of things--you get married and you hate your spouse. Better to live free than be trapped like that."
Hinata watched, sifting through his facial expressions, listening with an ear for the truth. All of it was true, and none of it was the reason. But some of it was close.
She wondered if he even knew why he'd done it. "Are you being careful?" she asked, the only advice she could give without sending him skidding away.
He flushed and looked down at his bowl. "I . . . not at first. But I got checked out," he added quickly, "and I've been using condoms, so . . ." He glared across the street again. "It's not like it matters. Shino and I aren't doing anything anyway, and . . ."
"I would be upset if you got sick," Hinata said softly.
Kiba jerked a shrug, his usual grace lost.
"Oh, gods, Kiba," Hinata said achingly. "Don't hurt yourself over this, all right?"
Kiba looked at her, surprise written on his face. "I'm not!"
"Unprotected sex and--be careful on your missions. Please?" Because if he didn't think it mattered for his sake that he got sick, then he might not think it mattered if he got hurt. Or killed.
He flushed. "I'll be careful, Hinata-chan."
**
Shino picked up his mission scroll and started walking out of the office, glancing over it. Then he stopped and turned back, pacing to the desk. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to respectfully decline this mission," he said quietly, setting the scroll back in front of Tsunade.
She looked up, frowning. "Why?"
Shino took a deep breath. "This mission has me paired with Inuzuka Kiba. I don't think--"
"You'll be fine," Tsunade said, and turned back to her aide.
"Then I'd like to respectfully request a psychiatric evaluation first." Shino kept his voice calm, quiet, knowing she could hear him.
Tsunade turned back. "On Kiba?"
"On myself." Because he couldn't work with Kiba. He *couldn't.*
Three months since they'd split, and he could barely look at the other man. Could barely listen when he heard what Kiba was doing. He thought his heart might break all over again, every time he heard that his husband had slept with someone else, shattering their vows over and over.
Tsunade turned back to stare at him. He felt like a fly caught under a microscope. "Very well," she said, taking the scroll. "Report to Ibiki."
Not exactly a psychiatric evaluation. Close enough. It would go on his permanent record, a black spot in an otherwise perfect career. He didn't care. He couldn't work with Kiba.
**
Kiba slammed back against the wall, drunk and horny, someone pressing up against him. Hot breath in his ear, a hand tight around his wrist, lips on his neck.
Not the right someone. The breath smelled wrong. The grip was too broad. The lips were too wet. He tried desperately to ignore it, to not want what he couldn't have.
He couldn't have Shino. Shino didn't really love him. Kiba didn't want to be married, anyway.
Shino hadn't broken their promises, even after four months of separation. He'd let Kiba go, as he'd said he would, and he hadn't found other bodies to warm his bed.
The man ground up against him, pinning him to the wall, slobbering on his neck. It wasn't the man he wanted. "Stop," Kiba said faintly.
Teeth nipped at his jugular, a nose pushing his head back, trying to force submission.
"Stop," Kiba snapped, and rabbit punched the man. The Chuunin staggered back, howling. Laughter flowed through the crowded bar.
"You don't mess with Inuzuka's throats," someone said from the back.
Kiba stumbled toward the door, toward fresh air. Pushed through and collapsed against the wall, looking up at stars struggling to be seen through the village lights.
He wanted Shino. He hadn't wanted to be married, hadn't wanted that cage. Had been afraid that Shino would grow tired, would leave. In sudden drunken clarity, Kiba knew what he'd done--pushed Shino away before Shino could go himself.
But Shino hadn't gone. Even through all this, he'd remained faithful. He didn't sleep with other people, no matter how Kiba tried to drive him to it. He hadn't tried to take the apartment, or bad talked Kiba, or anything exes were supposed to do.
Kiba pulled himself away from the wall. He needed the stars. He needed to go home.
It was cold out by the time he reached the Inuzuka complex. His tent had long since been given away, but his mother's cookfire burned through the night. He sat there, arms tight around his body until the dogs arrived. They slid up to him while their owners slept, curling around him in support no matter what he'd done. They lent their body heat and fur, washed his face with big tongues, curled under his head and around his torso. He looked up at the sky and couldn't see the stars for the water in his eyes. The dogs lapped that up, too, and held him through the night.
**
He'd bathed in the forest stream, brushed his teeth over his mother's basin, drunk tea to soothe the hangover, brushed his hair and put on clean clothes--never mind that they were covered in dog fur.
Then he went to Shino's. Kiba knocked on the door, then stood, fussing with his shirt, his pants. Hoping he looked presentable.
The door opened and he jumped, not prepared to see Shino--
But it wasn't Shino. He blinked and looked around the man, but Shino wasn't in the hall, either. "Is Shino here?" Kiba asked, sniffing. He could smell Shino--his lover, his husband, who still hadn't left him and if he was very lucky never would.
"No."
His gaze snapped to the man in the doorway. Kiba sniffed again. Smelled Shino, not far, in the back maybe. "I can smell him."
"I'm afraid he isn't taking visitors right now."
"I'm not a visitor," Kiba said, feeling his lips lift off his canines. "I'm his husband."
The man inclined his head. "Shino has said he is not seeing you. I'm sorry."
Kiba stood as the man stepped back and closed the door.
Not seeing him.
He stepped down off the porch.
Not seeing him.
He paused, looking at the windows, rows upon rows of eyes watching him from behind dark glass.
Not seeing him.
He turned and walked away.
**
Hinata poured tea, unable to look at the bundle of misery across from her.
"I fucked up," Kiba said softly, arms wrapped around his knees.
Hinata said nothing. He was right.
"Shino wouldn't see me."
After four months of burning bridges, she wasn't surprised.
"Hinata--I didn't mean to hurt him," Kiba whispered. "I love him. I was just--I didn't want him to leave me, and I screwed up." He was quiet for a long time. Then, finally, "Am I really a horrible person?"
She looked up, and saw it in his eyes: he expected forgiveness. Absolution for the things he'd done, for breaking Shino's heart. He expected her to tell him he wasn't a bad person, that Shino was wrong for not taking him back despite the nights he'd spent with other men, knowing how Shino felt about that betrayal. Then he could be the victim again, he could be wounded and it would be all right.
But it wasn't all right. He'd done this.
Hinata floundered, unsure what to say. A voice behind her spoke instead.
"Yes."
Kiba's gaze shot upward, surprised. Hinata turned to see Neji standing in the doorway, his pale eyes narrowed.
Neji stepped into the room, eyes locked on Kiba. "You profess to love that man. You promised not to hurt him. You held his heart in your hands and you broke it, knowing the whole while that what you were doing would shatter him. Yes, you are a horrible person."
Kiba shook his head sharply, standing.
"Hinata and I married because we were told to, not for love. And I wouldn't do to her what you've done to Shino. You say you hold him in higher regard than anyone else on this world. You took the one thing you knew he couldn't forgive, and you did it. Over and over again."
"Shut up," Kiba snapped, hands curling into fists.
"No." Neji was calm, implacable. "You hurt him, and now you want him back and you expect him to just take you? All those months of betrayal forgotten? You expect to be forgiven, and why? Because you love him? He loved you." Neji tipped his head, looking down his nose at Kiba, lip lifted in a sneer. "You are less than a horrible person. You disgust me."
"You son of a--" Kiba began, but Neji turned and walked from the room. "He's wrong," Kiba snarled, nearly shaking with anger. "He's *wrong.*"
Hinata sipped her tea and said nothing.
**
"Kiba's been asking for you."
Shino didn't look up from his scroll, sitting quiet and reserved on a mat. "I know."
His father stepped farther into the room, sitting down across from him. "Are you going to see him?"
"No." There was no hesitation. He'd had enough heartbreak. He'd set Kiba free, which was what Kiba had always wanted. He'd hurt over the last months, more than he'd thought possible. Finally, *finally* he was becoming numb, and now Kiba wanted to see him? No. He couldn't do it.
"I think you should."
He didn't look up. "Why? Is this causing a rift in Aburame-Inuzuka relations?"
"No," his father said, frowning.
"Has Tsunade ordered us to live together again?"
"No," his father repeated.
"Then I don't need to see him."
Cloth shifted. "It might help you."
Shino hurt. "It won't."
"Shino--"
"Please, Father," he said, standing. "Please." He left the room, unable to bear the conversation anymore. He wanted Kiba back. Wanted him back more than anything, and knew that things would never be the same. Never.
**
"What does he want from me?" Kiba nearly shouted at Hinata, distressed. "It's been two months! Two months, Hinata-chan, and he still won't see me!"
"Kiba," she said softly, trying to imagine how to explain it to him. Four months of hell versus two of Kiba behaving. The scales weren't even. She didn't know if you could even scales like these, anyway.
"He won't even talk to me. How can I show him that I'm doing what he wants if he won't even talk to me?"
She hated seeing her friends like this. Shino seemed a robot, going through the motions of every day life without a soul. Kiba was killing himself being perfect, doing his missions and coming home, training, nothing else.
"All I want is another chance," Kiba said, words nearly a whisper, all the anxiety gone, washed away by despair. "I love him. I was wrong. I want to be married again. Hell, he can put me in a real cage if it means he'll take me back."
**
"No."
"But, Shino," Hinata tried, tapping her fingers together, "he's really sorry."
"I can't do it, Hinata." Shino picked up a pebble from the riverbank, running his fingers over it. "Don't ask me."
"He just wants to talk to you."
The pebble was smooth, almost perfect. A fine crack ran down the center. Shino closed his eyes, feeling for it. He couldn't. He knew it was there, that a sharp rap would break the stone in two, but he couldn't feel it. "Tell him that if he comes by, I'll talk to him. And that's all."
"I'll tell him." Soft lips pressed against his cheek; Shino stooped a little so Hinata could reach easier. Then she was gone.
**
Kiba took extra care with his appearance. He washed everything and brushed his hair. He flossed between his teeth, and gargled with mouthwash. He made sure his clothes were clean, and he wore the pants Shino liked with the shirt that made him look a little older.
He'd step back into his cage and live there happily, if Shino would just be there, too.
He took Akamaru, because the dog wouldn't stay behind. They walked slowly to the Aburame residence, so Kiba didn't get all sweaty. Shino was always cool and collected; Kiba wanted to look like he could be, too.
The walk through the front gardens was the longest he'd ever taken. Kiba knocked on the door and waited, trying not to fidget.
Shino opened it.
He looked thinner than Kiba remembered. Paler, too. More inscrutable behind the dark glasses and bulky coat.
"Hi," Kiba said softly, and tried a smile.
Shino just inclined his head. He didn't step out, and he didn't invite Kiba in. Akamaru whined. Shino smiled at the dog, bending to scratch his floppy ears with big hands. "Hello, Akamaru," he said softly.
Kiba looked longingly at the dog and Shino, wishing he could be greeted and forgiven as easily. "I'm sorry," he blurted.
Shino stilled. He straightened, face implacable again. "Me, too. I shouldn't have forced you into marriage."
"No--" Kiba said quietly, flushing. "I--I mean, I liked marriage. Only . . . I thought you were gonna leave me." Hinata had said to be honest. He stared at his feet. He should have worn sandals, not boots. Should have picked pants that didn't look like he was trying to impress. Was he too desperate? He didn't know.
"I wouldn't have left you, Kiba," Shino said softly, deep voice filling the distance between them.
"I know that now. And I'm sorry. Please forgive me?" He looked up, hoping against hope that Shino would just smile and tell him all was forgotten.
Shino didn't smile. "You're forgiven."
But things didn't seem better. "Can we . . . go back to the way things were?"
A minute shift of muscles; the tiniest alteration in stance. "I can't do that."
Kiba stopped breathing. Started again, painfully. "But--"
"I'm sorry."
"I love you." That was supposed to make everything better, right? "Shino--I love you."
Shino looked at him, face pale. "I love you, too. But I can't trust you."
Kiba shook his head. "Yes, you can. I promise. I--"
"You promised before. And when things got too much, you broke that promise."
"I was drunk," Kiba said quickly.
"So I should only worry when you're on missions and might drink? Or when you return, and might drink? Or when you go to see your friends, and might drink?" Shino spoke softly, a sad smile on his lips. "No. You were right. We should never have trapped you like that." His voice was rough.
"Shino," Kiba said quickly, feeling the man pull away, draw back into the house. "Wait." Desperate now, and he didn't care. "I promise to do better. Please."
Shino leaned in, fingers light on Kiba's jaw, and kissed him softly. "I love you," he whispered, and moved away.
Kiba tasted salt on his lips. Shino stepped inside. The door closed.
For a long moment, Kiba just stood there. Then, slowly, he backed down the porch stairs. And walked away.
--End
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