The Great Bathroom Mirror Escapades--vol 6!
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
Momo and I have a special V-day present for everyone. A new Bathroom Mirrors!
...okay, so it's only for the people who read Bathroom Mirrors. Shut up.
ANYWAY!
Notes:
1. For those of you looking for the Tsunade/Ibiki bondage crack porn that turned up in the comments section of the LAST Bathroom Mirrors story, head over to eshala's LJ. Luckily, they were alllllll emailed to me before she deleted them. Mwahahaha. Surprise porn in my inbox!
2. Links to the other volumes and the, "READ the other volumes and this is a crossover, so read these stories, tool!" note is below, after the fic. I got tired of it taking up space here. :P
The Great Bathroom Mirror Escapades Vol 6:
OMG! Gettin' Some!
By JBMcGroinWarrior and MessyGroinWarriorPeaches
Chapter One: Gettin' Hayate
It had been a month since he and Iruka had moved in together, and things were going pretty well. There were glitches in the apartment he hadn't expected, but overall it wasn't bad--and between Iruka's new teacher salary and his missions, they could *afford* it.
One of the new glitches seemed to be that the mirror looked a bit funny. He cocked his head, mouth full of toothbrush and paste, and eyeballed it. Yup. Fuzzy, kinda. Or maybe just too silver. Could a mirror be too silver?
Then the whole thing shifted, moved aside, and he blinked.
That wasn't *his* bathroom. And--holy gods!--that was IRUKA. NAKED.
Hayate nearly swallowed his toothpaste.
Iruka looked weirdly old. But it was still Iruka. NAKED. He tried not to stare at the man's dick. He firmly kept his eyes upward.
Except when they kept drifting downward.
But then he pulled them firmly back upward.
Until they drifted back down again. Son of a--!
The Iruka in the mirror mouthed something--Hayate was pretty sure it was his name--and then Hayate held up one finger--wait a minute!--and ran from the room.
"Hm hm hum!" he said around his mouthful of toothpaste.
Iruka looked up, a pen stuck in his ponytail and a pencil behind one ear. "Huh?"
"Hm *hm*!" He pointed to the bathroom. Then again. And several more times.
"*What*?" Iruka asked, annoyed, and stood. "Is the toilet backed up again? There's a *plunger* you know . . ."
"HMM!" Hayate said. But Iruka was finally moving, and he raced back into the bathroom.
The mirror was just reflective again. Maybe a little too silver.
"Yeah, so?" Iruka asked, glancing around. He looked at Hayate askance. "Are you okay?"
Hayate stared at the Iruka-less mirror. "Hmm," he said sadly. Then he stooped and spat out his toothpaste, dropping his toothbrush in the sink. "*You* were there! Only old!"
Iruka looked. "What are you talking about?"
"There was--You were--" He started to say 'naked,' but thought maybe Iruka wouldn’t appreciate that (even if Hayate had) (even if he really, really had). Besides, he sounded crazy. "Never mind," he sighed at last. Maybe he'd been on too many missions lately . . .
Although, weren't mission-induced breakdowns supposed to involve bloody corpses, not hot, naked, older versions of your best straight friend? Maybe it was a new kind of psychosis. He liked this kind of psychosis, in that case.
Hayate rinsed his mouth out as Iruka left, and when he looked up--the hot, older Iruka was back! But wearing pants. That part was rather disappointing.
"IRUKA!" Hayate bellowed, but just before Iruka came tearing into the bathroom something slid across the mirror, and the Other Iruka vanished. "Damn it!" Hayate snapped. "He's hiding!"
Iruka looked at him. "Are you sure you're all right?"
Hayate started to be snide, then bit the comment off. "Just--never mind."
Iruka gave him a funny look as he started to leave.
"I'm *fine!*" Hayate yelled.
"Uh huh," Iruka said doubtfully.
Hayate sighed. He could tell there was going to be an appointment with a shrink in his near future. Well, if it was going to go down in his permanent record that he was seeing hot naked older version of his friends, he might as well enjoy it. He tapped the mirror. Damn it, he wanted the hallucination (if it was) to come back! If he was gonna live in a padded cell, he wanted fantasy fodder! Maybe he could convince it to take its pants off again . . .
The too-silver part of the mirror slid aside. The Iruka over there put his hand flat on the mirror, and mouthed slowly, "Are you Hayate?"
Hayate grinned and started to speak--then glanced out the door toward the couch, where Iruka was frowning at his papers. He leaned in so Iruka couldn't see him and mouthed back, with a grin, "Of course! Are you a hallucination?"
Iruka shook his head. "You look healthy," Iruka said, his expression implying that this was abnormal. "How old are you?"
"I try to remember to eat vegetables," Hayate said, rolling his eyes. "Iruka's--uh, your--foster brother's a real pain about that." Even if Raidou *was* really hot. "And I'm nineteen."
"Ah," the older Iruka said.
Hayate reached out and put his hand flat against the mirror, opposite of the Iruka's. Weird.
Even weirder when his hand sunk *through* the mirror, and he hit *skin.* He jumped and yanked it back. "Whoa." Then he grinned and poked forward with one finger. The other Iruka didn't look like *his* hand was sinking through . . .
The glass rippled, and he hit flesh again. The mirror felt cold around his finger, but Iruka's hand was warm. The other Iruka. The not-his Iruka. The half-naked Iruka.
The Iruka pulled his hand back just a little.
Hayate pushed, and his hand slid further through, finger still touching Iruka's palm. Glass rippled past his knuckles, over the heel of his palm, cold around his wrist bones. Then he found out that the Iruka in the mirror was a lot faster than his Iruka. He nearly yelped as strong fingers wrapped around his wrist and yanked.
Well, actually, he *did* yelp, but by the time the noise came out of his mouth he'd been dragged across the sink and halfway through the mirror. Arms went around his waist and he was yanked through the rest of the way. His knee smashed against both the porcelain sink, and then the metal faucet, and he winced and thought--shit, maybe he should be *fighting* this--
But then he felt lips on his neck. Whoa.
He was being sexually molested by a really hot, half-naked version of the guy he adored! This was the greatest day *ever.* Damn! Why hadn't *he* been brushing his teeth naked? That would have made it even better! He loved his psychosis! Maybe he could accidentally make his pants fall off . . .
Hayate eep'ed as a hand hit his ass, and he realized this Iruka had actually picked him up and was carrying him out of the room. As he looked back, he saw the guy's foot kick up and shove a one-way mirror back over a mirror that looked into *his* bathroom.
"Can we keep him?" this Iruka asked.
Hayate started to laugh. It was either laugh or panic, and he didn't actually seem to be in any danger. After all, he was getting *hugged.*
There was the sort of pregnant quiet of someone formulating a response. Then a rather mellow voice said, "Do you think you can handle the responsibility?"
"He'll walk me every day!" Hayate couldn't help but quipping, and then burst into laughter. "Put me down, dork!" He squirmed madly--and oooooh, there was warm skin (with weird scars, but that was okay)--and managed to get free. Hands held onto his shoulders and ran down over his arms, and he felt chakra tickle his chakra--checking it, he realized, but couldn’t stop the squirm and laugh. "Knock that off!" He made a half-hearted attempt to knee this Iruka, figuring it'd make the guy stop.
Iruka just blocked it and didn't bother to stop.
"IRUKA!" Hayate said, giggles starting to make him sound really, really stupid and he *hated* being ticklish. It was so unmanly.
This Iruka was grinning like a maniac, and Hayate really didn't get what was *so* great. Then the Iruka said with a near-laugh, "God, you're still so fucking cute!"
"I am not *cute*!" Hayate said, terribly affronted. On the other hand, Iruka thought he was cute!
"You know," the voice behind him said, "you can't actually sleep with him."
Hayate turned. Kakashi was sitting there on the couch like he was *supposed* to be there. Or something. Jerk. And he wasn't even pretending to read his book, and he was staring at Hayate with both eyes--that red one was really weird, and Hayate had never actually *seen* it before. Hayate glared at him. Spoilsport.
"I thought you didn't *like* him," Hayate groused to Iruka, folding both arms over his chest and glaring at Kakashi.
". . . It is a very long story," Iruka said. "And not currently important to the plot--I mean--"
"You should go speak to Genma," Kakashi suggested.
Hayate paused, looking from one man to the other. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. He suddenly realized this wasn't the apartment he shared with Iruka, and these guys were both quite a few years older than the guys he knew, and while this Iruka looked happy to see him this Kakashi didn't . . .
Maybe it *was* a trap.
"Ummmm . . . Iruka?" Hayate asked uncertainly.
"Do you want to go see Genma?" Iruka offered.
"I just . . . uh . . ." Hayate glanced around. This Iruka *did* seem happy to see him--he still had a hand on his shoulder, and it was comforting, not grabbing--and Iruka's chakra felt right. He was just *old.*
Not that Hayate wouldn't do him, if he were interested. And he might be. Hayate couldn't help the smile that crept loose.
Iruka gave him another hug and kissed his cheek. "Okay, c'mon, let's go see Genma and Raidou."
Hayate instantly felt better. If Iruka, who liked him, was coming, too, then it had to be okay. "Right!" he said. Both foster brothers were seriously hot. Not that he'd tell Iruka, of course. Iruka didn't see them that way--except this one was different.
**
Iruka had heard a strange squeak from the bathroom. The strange squeak was okay, but the silence disturbed him.
Half annoyed and half worried, he got up AGAIN to check on Hayate. Only Hayate wasn't there.
Iruka looked around sharply, as if somehow the other Chuunin might be hiding behind the door or the shower curtain or--
He did manage to stop himself from looking in the medicine cabinet. But only after he'd checked under the sink.
The mirror--he'd said something about--
Iruka reached up and pounded on it. Nothing happened. It looked solid enough. Still the same way it had a moment before. His eyes narrowed as he realized that there was a funny sliver on the edge. He peered, and blinked when he saw the sliver reflected . . . something else.
Then it snapped shut.
Iruka yanked back. Shit. Shit!
He raced out. He needed help!
**
Kakashi, being a thoughtful person, changed the channel. There. Now that other Iruka-with-Hayate had a normal mirror again.
**
"Look, the tea's almost done," Raidou said soothingly. He came out with a plateful of brownies he'd made the day before and a glass of milk. "Was it a very bad one?"
"No, just normal. As far as shitty dreams go," Genma said unhappily, sitting on the couch. "Thank you," he said, and took the brownies and milk. Life was a little bit better.
Raidou kissed him on the temple. "I'm gonna go get your tea." He headed toward the kitchen.
Someone knocked at the door. Genma took a deep breath, composed himself, and went to answer it.
He opened it to a dead man.
"Hey!" Hayate said cheerfully. "Iruka's on his way--" he turned back and looked.
Genma slammed the door. Then he sat down on the floor in a little fetal curl and shook uncontrollably.
Raidou felt the change in chakra and ran to the living room to scoop Genma up. "What happened? Are you okay?"
"Ah--it--" Genma kept quivering.
Outside the door, they could hear, "What's the matter with you? I told you to wait!"
Dead people were coming to visit, and all was not well.
"I didn't mean--why's he so upset?" Hayate said back. "I didn't *do* anything!"
Iruka pounded on the door. "Raidou, open up, I'm sorry, brace yourself!"
Raidou opened the door and gave them both--it *was* Hayate--a very blank look. "Iruka, this is the sort of thing you call ahead about. Or send a note. Send one of Kakashi's fucking dogs. You should really not spring this on us."
Hayate shrank back a little. "Sorry," he mumbled, eyes downcast. "I, uh . . . um." He scratched the back of his head and looked away.
"It's all right," Raidou cut him off and held up his hand. "Genma had a nightmare this morning, and it was a little bit of a nastier shock on his system than normal to see you right now. Come in, sit down, would you like some tea? Or coffee?"
Hayate edged in carefully. It was a nice house, but he'd expected that. There was this *great* photo of Raidou--it was obviously Raidou. He *knew* how Raidou looked, even black and white and flipping and--the BEST part--naked. He looked. He looked away, blushing. He looked again. Damn it! Looked away. And looked again. Ohhhh, holy gods . . . He sat down. And crossed his legs.
Raidou looked at Iruka. "Mirror, right?"
Iruka nodded.
"Um, what's with the mirror?" Hayate asked, purposefully NOT looking at the picture any more. Except when he did. This was the best psychosis EVER.
Iruka turned and said, "It's a sporadic one-way portal. We'll probably be able to get you back through in a couple of days."
Genma and Raidou both turned and stared at Iruka.
Hayate glanced between them. And the photo. Damn it, he couldn't really pay attention with that photo there.
Which, Iruka considered, was probably a good thing because he was missing a whole lot of nuance that his Hayate would have picked up on. If he wasn't dead.
Genma took another deep breath and stuffed a brownie into his mouth to think.
"So, uh," Hayate dragged his gaze away from the picture. "I'm . . . stuck? This isn't a breakdown or something?"
Iruka just shook his head. "This happens occasionally, here."
"Maaaaan, Iruka--not you--" he assured the older one quickly, "--is really gonna freak." He stood up and wandered the room, just *happening* to move closer to the photo.
"I've got a whole album of pictures just like that, if you'd like to see them," Genma offered. Raidou flushed.
Hayate turned beet red. He grinned. Hid it. Tried to look cool and grown up. Grinned again. Hid it. "You do?" His voice squeaked a little.
Genma tossed him a black-bound book. "That was our art day."
Still *trying* to seem like he didn't want to melt into a small puddle of goo, Hayate sat down on the couch--book carefully placed in his lap (but tipped up a little, so no one *else* could see what he was looking at)--and started flipping through.
Genma started to calm. This was a little *gay* version of Hayate and he was really cute--but it wasn't really his friend back from the dead to blame it all on him.
Raidou was still trying to think of ways to ask questions while Hayate was distracted. "So . . . have you made Jounin yet?"
Hayate didn't even look up. "Jounin?" he asked, only half interested. "Uh, no." Then he did look up. "I made Chuunin a few years ago, but my Sensei suggested I wait until this year to try for the Jounin exams . . ." He shrugged. "They're coming up." He didn't really care about the Jounin exams all that much. He went back to the book.
"You seem healthy," Raidou commented.
Hayate rolled his eyes and looked at Iruka. "You people are really obsessed with health, aren't you?"
"Only yours," Genma muttered.
Hayate slanted a look at him. "Why?"
They all fell silent. "Um," Genma said.
Hayate waited.
"Raidou? You want to take it from here?"
"You were closer to him than I was," Raidou protested.
"That's why it'll be less painful for you to tell him!"
"Geez, guys," Hayate muttered. "It's not like it's *really* me you're talking about. From what I understand, it's some weird other-old version of me, right?" He glanced around. "You said portal--this is like another dimension or something?"
Iruka took a breath. "Yes, but there's a lot of parallels that stay the same in every dimension we've seen. ALL the Raidous have those scars. All the Irukas have this scar. All the Kakashis have--various problems . . . but all the Kakashis wear masks."
"And all the Hayates are dead," Raidou finished.
Hayate looked uncertainly from one man to the other. They all seemed serious. He closed the book. (Not that it moved off his lap, mind.)
"Not just dead," Genma added. "Sick. Or injured. Sometimes the manner of the affliction changes, but always sick and always coughing."
"You mean like . . . a cold," Hayate said hopefully.
"We mean like . . . emphysema. Or a jutsu that's rotting one of your lungs," Iruka said.
"I . . . I'm not sick," Hayate said slowly. "Or dead." He smiled nervously. "See?" Cripes, they weren't going to kill him or something weird now, were they? To align things? He shifted his grip on the book so he could use it as a weapon.
"You usually die at twenty-three. Your first year back on active duty after having been debilitated somehow," Iruka said clearly. It all seemed to be true--Iruka occasionally got bored and flipped through the mirror, talking to other versions of himself when he couldn't find the good porn. Hayate's illness and death seemed to be a steady phenomenon.
Hayate relaxed a little. "Well, I'm only nineteen, and I'm *not* sick." He opened the book back up. "And I just won't die. Now I know, so . . ." he shrugged. He glanced back up and grinned. "Are you guys *always* together? In every world?" he asked Genma and Raidou.
"Most of 'em," Iruka said. Iruka's version of 'good porn' generally involved Genma, Raidou, and the one-way mirror.
Hayate's grin turned vaguely leer-ish. He looked back down at the book quickly.
"It's a shame, you know," Iruka said, mostly to distract Hayate. "This world's Hayate always turned them down for a three-way."
Hayate's eyes grew very, very large. "Ohhhh, gods, *he* was a total *moron.*" He looked up and grinned at Raidou. "*I* wouldn't turn you down." Even though they were kinda old. Old meant *experienced.* He smiled hopefully.
"Uhhh," Raidou said, then glared at Iruka. "What the hell did you tell him that for?"
Hayate sighed mightily--no threeway for him, he supposed--and looked back at the book. At least he had pictures.
***************************
If you are very good, and eat all your desert, I'll post the next chapter this weekend. >.>
Delayed notes:
The Great Bathroom Mirror Escapades are as follows:
Volume 1
Volume 2
Volume 3, chapter 1, Chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6, chapter 7, chapter 8, chapter 9, chapter 10, Epilogue
Bonus Volume, Bow Chicka Bow Wooooow
Volume 4
Volume 5
Until recently, it was a crossover between JBMcDragon's The Kakashi Mission world, and MessyPeaches Side Effects world (links can be found in volume one and five). Now, that's been extended. >.> But this time you don't need to know anything about the worlds! Yay! (Though, for curiosity's sake, this Hayate was taken from JBMcDragon's Broken Ninja series, set after "Layers of Friendship.")
...you might want to read the other volumes anyway. So you know what the hell's going on with the mirror. ;)
JB and Momo
Momo and I have a special V-day present for everyone. A new Bathroom Mirrors!
...okay, so it's only for the people who read Bathroom Mirrors. Shut up.
ANYWAY!
Notes:
1. For those of you looking for the Tsunade/Ibiki bondage crack porn that turned up in the comments section of the LAST Bathroom Mirrors story, head over to eshala's LJ. Luckily, they were alllllll emailed to me before she deleted them. Mwahahaha. Surprise porn in my inbox!
2. Links to the other volumes and the, "READ the other volumes and this is a crossover, so read these stories, tool!" note is below, after the fic. I got tired of it taking up space here. :P
The Great Bathroom Mirror Escapades Vol 6:
OMG! Gettin' Some!
By JBMcGroinWarrior and MessyGroinWarriorPeaches
Chapter One: Gettin' Hayate
It had been a month since he and Iruka had moved in together, and things were going pretty well. There were glitches in the apartment he hadn't expected, but overall it wasn't bad--and between Iruka's new teacher salary and his missions, they could *afford* it.
One of the new glitches seemed to be that the mirror looked a bit funny. He cocked his head, mouth full of toothbrush and paste, and eyeballed it. Yup. Fuzzy, kinda. Or maybe just too silver. Could a mirror be too silver?
Then the whole thing shifted, moved aside, and he blinked.
That wasn't *his* bathroom. And--holy gods!--that was IRUKA. NAKED.
Hayate nearly swallowed his toothpaste.
Iruka looked weirdly old. But it was still Iruka. NAKED. He tried not to stare at the man's dick. He firmly kept his eyes upward.
Except when they kept drifting downward.
But then he pulled them firmly back upward.
Until they drifted back down again. Son of a--!
The Iruka in the mirror mouthed something--Hayate was pretty sure it was his name--and then Hayate held up one finger--wait a minute!--and ran from the room.
"Hm hm hum!" he said around his mouthful of toothpaste.
Iruka looked up, a pen stuck in his ponytail and a pencil behind one ear. "Huh?"
"Hm *hm*!" He pointed to the bathroom. Then again. And several more times.
"*What*?" Iruka asked, annoyed, and stood. "Is the toilet backed up again? There's a *plunger* you know . . ."
"HMM!" Hayate said. But Iruka was finally moving, and he raced back into the bathroom.
The mirror was just reflective again. Maybe a little too silver.
"Yeah, so?" Iruka asked, glancing around. He looked at Hayate askance. "Are you okay?"
Hayate stared at the Iruka-less mirror. "Hmm," he said sadly. Then he stooped and spat out his toothpaste, dropping his toothbrush in the sink. "*You* were there! Only old!"
Iruka looked. "What are you talking about?"
"There was--You were--" He started to say 'naked,' but thought maybe Iruka wouldn’t appreciate that (even if Hayate had) (even if he really, really had). Besides, he sounded crazy. "Never mind," he sighed at last. Maybe he'd been on too many missions lately . . .
Although, weren't mission-induced breakdowns supposed to involve bloody corpses, not hot, naked, older versions of your best straight friend? Maybe it was a new kind of psychosis. He liked this kind of psychosis, in that case.
Hayate rinsed his mouth out as Iruka left, and when he looked up--the hot, older Iruka was back! But wearing pants. That part was rather disappointing.
"IRUKA!" Hayate bellowed, but just before Iruka came tearing into the bathroom something slid across the mirror, and the Other Iruka vanished. "Damn it!" Hayate snapped. "He's hiding!"
Iruka looked at him. "Are you sure you're all right?"
Hayate started to be snide, then bit the comment off. "Just--never mind."
Iruka gave him a funny look as he started to leave.
"I'm *fine!*" Hayate yelled.
"Uh huh," Iruka said doubtfully.
Hayate sighed. He could tell there was going to be an appointment with a shrink in his near future. Well, if it was going to go down in his permanent record that he was seeing hot naked older version of his friends, he might as well enjoy it. He tapped the mirror. Damn it, he wanted the hallucination (if it was) to come back! If he was gonna live in a padded cell, he wanted fantasy fodder! Maybe he could convince it to take its pants off again . . .
The too-silver part of the mirror slid aside. The Iruka over there put his hand flat on the mirror, and mouthed slowly, "Are you Hayate?"
Hayate grinned and started to speak--then glanced out the door toward the couch, where Iruka was frowning at his papers. He leaned in so Iruka couldn't see him and mouthed back, with a grin, "Of course! Are you a hallucination?"
Iruka shook his head. "You look healthy," Iruka said, his expression implying that this was abnormal. "How old are you?"
"I try to remember to eat vegetables," Hayate said, rolling his eyes. "Iruka's--uh, your--foster brother's a real pain about that." Even if Raidou *was* really hot. "And I'm nineteen."
"Ah," the older Iruka said.
Hayate reached out and put his hand flat against the mirror, opposite of the Iruka's. Weird.
Even weirder when his hand sunk *through* the mirror, and he hit *skin.* He jumped and yanked it back. "Whoa." Then he grinned and poked forward with one finger. The other Iruka didn't look like *his* hand was sinking through . . .
The glass rippled, and he hit flesh again. The mirror felt cold around his finger, but Iruka's hand was warm. The other Iruka. The not-his Iruka. The half-naked Iruka.
The Iruka pulled his hand back just a little.
Hayate pushed, and his hand slid further through, finger still touching Iruka's palm. Glass rippled past his knuckles, over the heel of his palm, cold around his wrist bones. Then he found out that the Iruka in the mirror was a lot faster than his Iruka. He nearly yelped as strong fingers wrapped around his wrist and yanked.
Well, actually, he *did* yelp, but by the time the noise came out of his mouth he'd been dragged across the sink and halfway through the mirror. Arms went around his waist and he was yanked through the rest of the way. His knee smashed against both the porcelain sink, and then the metal faucet, and he winced and thought--shit, maybe he should be *fighting* this--
But then he felt lips on his neck. Whoa.
He was being sexually molested by a really hot, half-naked version of the guy he adored! This was the greatest day *ever.* Damn! Why hadn't *he* been brushing his teeth naked? That would have made it even better! He loved his psychosis! Maybe he could accidentally make his pants fall off . . .
Hayate eep'ed as a hand hit his ass, and he realized this Iruka had actually picked him up and was carrying him out of the room. As he looked back, he saw the guy's foot kick up and shove a one-way mirror back over a mirror that looked into *his* bathroom.
"Can we keep him?" this Iruka asked.
Hayate started to laugh. It was either laugh or panic, and he didn't actually seem to be in any danger. After all, he was getting *hugged.*
There was the sort of pregnant quiet of someone formulating a response. Then a rather mellow voice said, "Do you think you can handle the responsibility?"
"He'll walk me every day!" Hayate couldn't help but quipping, and then burst into laughter. "Put me down, dork!" He squirmed madly--and oooooh, there was warm skin (with weird scars, but that was okay)--and managed to get free. Hands held onto his shoulders and ran down over his arms, and he felt chakra tickle his chakra--checking it, he realized, but couldn’t stop the squirm and laugh. "Knock that off!" He made a half-hearted attempt to knee this Iruka, figuring it'd make the guy stop.
Iruka just blocked it and didn't bother to stop.
"IRUKA!" Hayate said, giggles starting to make him sound really, really stupid and he *hated* being ticklish. It was so unmanly.
This Iruka was grinning like a maniac, and Hayate really didn't get what was *so* great. Then the Iruka said with a near-laugh, "God, you're still so fucking cute!"
"I am not *cute*!" Hayate said, terribly affronted. On the other hand, Iruka thought he was cute!
"You know," the voice behind him said, "you can't actually sleep with him."
Hayate turned. Kakashi was sitting there on the couch like he was *supposed* to be there. Or something. Jerk. And he wasn't even pretending to read his book, and he was staring at Hayate with both eyes--that red one was really weird, and Hayate had never actually *seen* it before. Hayate glared at him. Spoilsport.
"I thought you didn't *like* him," Hayate groused to Iruka, folding both arms over his chest and glaring at Kakashi.
". . . It is a very long story," Iruka said. "And not currently important to the plot--I mean--"
"You should go speak to Genma," Kakashi suggested.
Hayate paused, looking from one man to the other. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. He suddenly realized this wasn't the apartment he shared with Iruka, and these guys were both quite a few years older than the guys he knew, and while this Iruka looked happy to see him this Kakashi didn't . . .
Maybe it *was* a trap.
"Ummmm . . . Iruka?" Hayate asked uncertainly.
"Do you want to go see Genma?" Iruka offered.
"I just . . . uh . . ." Hayate glanced around. This Iruka *did* seem happy to see him--he still had a hand on his shoulder, and it was comforting, not grabbing--and Iruka's chakra felt right. He was just *old.*
Not that Hayate wouldn't do him, if he were interested. And he might be. Hayate couldn't help the smile that crept loose.
Iruka gave him another hug and kissed his cheek. "Okay, c'mon, let's go see Genma and Raidou."
Hayate instantly felt better. If Iruka, who liked him, was coming, too, then it had to be okay. "Right!" he said. Both foster brothers were seriously hot. Not that he'd tell Iruka, of course. Iruka didn't see them that way--except this one was different.
**
Iruka had heard a strange squeak from the bathroom. The strange squeak was okay, but the silence disturbed him.
Half annoyed and half worried, he got up AGAIN to check on Hayate. Only Hayate wasn't there.
Iruka looked around sharply, as if somehow the other Chuunin might be hiding behind the door or the shower curtain or--
He did manage to stop himself from looking in the medicine cabinet. But only after he'd checked under the sink.
The mirror--he'd said something about--
Iruka reached up and pounded on it. Nothing happened. It looked solid enough. Still the same way it had a moment before. His eyes narrowed as he realized that there was a funny sliver on the edge. He peered, and blinked when he saw the sliver reflected . . . something else.
Then it snapped shut.
Iruka yanked back. Shit. Shit!
He raced out. He needed help!
**
Kakashi, being a thoughtful person, changed the channel. There. Now that other Iruka-with-Hayate had a normal mirror again.
**
"Look, the tea's almost done," Raidou said soothingly. He came out with a plateful of brownies he'd made the day before and a glass of milk. "Was it a very bad one?"
"No, just normal. As far as shitty dreams go," Genma said unhappily, sitting on the couch. "Thank you," he said, and took the brownies and milk. Life was a little bit better.
Raidou kissed him on the temple. "I'm gonna go get your tea." He headed toward the kitchen.
Someone knocked at the door. Genma took a deep breath, composed himself, and went to answer it.
He opened it to a dead man.
"Hey!" Hayate said cheerfully. "Iruka's on his way--" he turned back and looked.
Genma slammed the door. Then he sat down on the floor in a little fetal curl and shook uncontrollably.
Raidou felt the change in chakra and ran to the living room to scoop Genma up. "What happened? Are you okay?"
"Ah--it--" Genma kept quivering.
Outside the door, they could hear, "What's the matter with you? I told you to wait!"
Dead people were coming to visit, and all was not well.
"I didn't mean--why's he so upset?" Hayate said back. "I didn't *do* anything!"
Iruka pounded on the door. "Raidou, open up, I'm sorry, brace yourself!"
Raidou opened the door and gave them both--it *was* Hayate--a very blank look. "Iruka, this is the sort of thing you call ahead about. Or send a note. Send one of Kakashi's fucking dogs. You should really not spring this on us."
Hayate shrank back a little. "Sorry," he mumbled, eyes downcast. "I, uh . . . um." He scratched the back of his head and looked away.
"It's all right," Raidou cut him off and held up his hand. "Genma had a nightmare this morning, and it was a little bit of a nastier shock on his system than normal to see you right now. Come in, sit down, would you like some tea? Or coffee?"
Hayate edged in carefully. It was a nice house, but he'd expected that. There was this *great* photo of Raidou--it was obviously Raidou. He *knew* how Raidou looked, even black and white and flipping and--the BEST part--naked. He looked. He looked away, blushing. He looked again. Damn it! Looked away. And looked again. Ohhhh, holy gods . . . He sat down. And crossed his legs.
Raidou looked at Iruka. "Mirror, right?"
Iruka nodded.
"Um, what's with the mirror?" Hayate asked, purposefully NOT looking at the picture any more. Except when he did. This was the best psychosis EVER.
Iruka turned and said, "It's a sporadic one-way portal. We'll probably be able to get you back through in a couple of days."
Genma and Raidou both turned and stared at Iruka.
Hayate glanced between them. And the photo. Damn it, he couldn't really pay attention with that photo there.
Which, Iruka considered, was probably a good thing because he was missing a whole lot of nuance that his Hayate would have picked up on. If he wasn't dead.
Genma took another deep breath and stuffed a brownie into his mouth to think.
"So, uh," Hayate dragged his gaze away from the picture. "I'm . . . stuck? This isn't a breakdown or something?"
Iruka just shook his head. "This happens occasionally, here."
"Maaaaan, Iruka--not you--" he assured the older one quickly, "--is really gonna freak." He stood up and wandered the room, just *happening* to move closer to the photo.
"I've got a whole album of pictures just like that, if you'd like to see them," Genma offered. Raidou flushed.
Hayate turned beet red. He grinned. Hid it. Tried to look cool and grown up. Grinned again. Hid it. "You do?" His voice squeaked a little.
Genma tossed him a black-bound book. "That was our art day."
Still *trying* to seem like he didn't want to melt into a small puddle of goo, Hayate sat down on the couch--book carefully placed in his lap (but tipped up a little, so no one *else* could see what he was looking at)--and started flipping through.
Genma started to calm. This was a little *gay* version of Hayate and he was really cute--but it wasn't really his friend back from the dead to blame it all on him.
Raidou was still trying to think of ways to ask questions while Hayate was distracted. "So . . . have you made Jounin yet?"
Hayate didn't even look up. "Jounin?" he asked, only half interested. "Uh, no." Then he did look up. "I made Chuunin a few years ago, but my Sensei suggested I wait until this year to try for the Jounin exams . . ." He shrugged. "They're coming up." He didn't really care about the Jounin exams all that much. He went back to the book.
"You seem healthy," Raidou commented.
Hayate rolled his eyes and looked at Iruka. "You people are really obsessed with health, aren't you?"
"Only yours," Genma muttered.
Hayate slanted a look at him. "Why?"
They all fell silent. "Um," Genma said.
Hayate waited.
"Raidou? You want to take it from here?"
"You were closer to him than I was," Raidou protested.
"That's why it'll be less painful for you to tell him!"
"Geez, guys," Hayate muttered. "It's not like it's *really* me you're talking about. From what I understand, it's some weird other-old version of me, right?" He glanced around. "You said portal--this is like another dimension or something?"
Iruka took a breath. "Yes, but there's a lot of parallels that stay the same in every dimension we've seen. ALL the Raidous have those scars. All the Irukas have this scar. All the Kakashis have--various problems . . . but all the Kakashis wear masks."
"And all the Hayates are dead," Raidou finished.
Hayate looked uncertainly from one man to the other. They all seemed serious. He closed the book. (Not that it moved off his lap, mind.)
"Not just dead," Genma added. "Sick. Or injured. Sometimes the manner of the affliction changes, but always sick and always coughing."
"You mean like . . . a cold," Hayate said hopefully.
"We mean like . . . emphysema. Or a jutsu that's rotting one of your lungs," Iruka said.
"I . . . I'm not sick," Hayate said slowly. "Or dead." He smiled nervously. "See?" Cripes, they weren't going to kill him or something weird now, were they? To align things? He shifted his grip on the book so he could use it as a weapon.
"You usually die at twenty-three. Your first year back on active duty after having been debilitated somehow," Iruka said clearly. It all seemed to be true--Iruka occasionally got bored and flipped through the mirror, talking to other versions of himself when he couldn't find the good porn. Hayate's illness and death seemed to be a steady phenomenon.
Hayate relaxed a little. "Well, I'm only nineteen, and I'm *not* sick." He opened the book back up. "And I just won't die. Now I know, so . . ." he shrugged. He glanced back up and grinned. "Are you guys *always* together? In every world?" he asked Genma and Raidou.
"Most of 'em," Iruka said. Iruka's version of 'good porn' generally involved Genma, Raidou, and the one-way mirror.
Hayate's grin turned vaguely leer-ish. He looked back down at the book quickly.
"It's a shame, you know," Iruka said, mostly to distract Hayate. "This world's Hayate always turned them down for a three-way."
Hayate's eyes grew very, very large. "Ohhhh, gods, *he* was a total *moron.*" He looked up and grinned at Raidou. "*I* wouldn't turn you down." Even though they were kinda old. Old meant *experienced.* He smiled hopefully.
"Uhhh," Raidou said, then glared at Iruka. "What the hell did you tell him that for?"
Hayate sighed mightily--no threeway for him, he supposed--and looked back at the book. At least he had pictures.
***************************
If you are very good, and eat all your desert, I'll post the next chapter this weekend. >.>
Delayed notes:
The Great Bathroom Mirror Escapades are as follows:
Volume 1
Volume 2
Volume 3, chapter 1, Chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6, chapter 7, chapter 8, chapter 9, chapter 10, Epilogue
Bonus Volume, Bow Chicka Bow Wooooow
Volume 4
Volume 5
Until recently, it was a crossover between JBMcDragon's The Kakashi Mission world, and MessyPeaches Side Effects world (links can be found in volume one and five). Now, that's been extended. >.> But this time you don't need to know anything about the worlds! Yay! (Though, for curiosity's sake, this Hayate was taken from JBMcDragon's Broken Ninja series, set after "Layers of Friendship.")
...you might want to read the other volumes anyway. So you know what the hell's going on with the mirror. ;)
JB and Momo