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And the crack-over continues. So, Volume three of The Great Bathroom Mirror Escapades is loonnnnng. Here's chapter one. I'll post chapter two in a few days. ;)
Title: The Bathroom Mirror Escapades, Vol. 3
In Which Raidou Gets A Talking-To About His Sexuality, and Genma is Quite Put Out
Authors: MessyPeaches and JBMcDragon
Status: In progress
Rating: Er. There's one chapter that's like, hard R/soft NC-17. R overall for language.
Summary: Following in the footsteps of Volume 1 and Volume 2, shit happens. Momo and JB laugh.
Author's notes: This follows from The Great Bathroom Mirror Escapades Volume 1 and Volume 2. If you haven't read them first, I recommend reading at least the first one to figure out what's going on. ;)
The Great Bathroom Mirror Escapades Vol. 3
In Which Raidou Gets a Talking-To About His Sexuality, and Genma is Quite Put Out.
Iruka threw the best parties. It was probably all those years of practice he had that he wouldn't ever fess up to, Genma thought, swirling his margarita. He found a flat surface to set it on and started to locate the bathroom. Two reasons, one he did need to use the restroom and two he kind of wanted to see this magical mirror that Iruka kept talking about. The story was all over the village. Though he got the feeling bits of it had been glossed over.
Huh. Kind of interesting to see that other bathroom. He sidled up to the toilet and did his thing, trying to lean back and look into the mirror and failing. Apparently the angles were all wrong. So, he shook it off, put it away and started to leave.
That's when he caught Raidou's reflection in the mirror, looking down at the shower tub and apparently shouting something out the door.
Genma grinned. Well that was interesting. He thought he was just going to get to see the crazy Kakashi. Now he got to see the crazy Raidou--much better. He banged on the glass. "Oi! Oi!"
The Raidou looked around a moment and then caught sight of Genma. He straightened, running a hand through messy hair, and grinned like a loon. He waved.
"Hi! How ya doin'?"
Raidou just laughed and shrugged, motioning to his ears. Genma thought the other man mouthed, "Can't hear you." That, or "Can't here blue," but it didn't make as much sense. "Oh, yeah," Genma said, then looked around. They didn't have any pads of paper in there, he realized sadly. How did they communicate with their other dimensional friends? He decided to sign instead, in spite of the fact that he absolutely hated it.
'Hi! How you doing?'
Raidou grinned madly again. 'Great! What's going on over there?'
'Iruka's having a party. Semi-annual teacher's party/anniversary thing, I think.'
'Sounds fun,' Raidou signed, smiling. 'Kakashi's gone here--you didn't want to talk to him or Iruka, did you?' He waved a wrench around and shrugged apologetically. 'I'm just the hired help.'
'Oh, I'd much rather talk to you!'
Raidou grinned again, settling back on his hips. 'Sure! I have some time!'
It occurred to Genma that Raidou might be something of a goof in that universe. 'Do you really have a kid?'
Raidou nearly beamed. He took a step forward and hopped up on to the sink, yanking out a wad of photos from his pocket. He slapped the pictures against the mirror and signed, 'Hana! She's eight.' He grinned even *bigger*. 'She's great at math--I never was--and her favorite color is purple--'
'Aw, she has your eyes!' Genma signed.
Raidou nodded madly.
'Who's her mom?' Genma asked.
Raidou just waved a hand. 'Girlfriend from a while back. She has a new bunny and--'
'Your ex-girlfriend has a bunny?'
Raidou looked at him blankly. Then he smirked. 'No. My daughter.'
'That's cute, you actually bother to take care of a bunny? My Raidou had a bunny for a while and then we made it into soup.'
Raidou looked very concerned. 'She'd kill me. Really.' He paused, then asked, 'Your Raidou? You made it into soup? I take it you know each other fairly well there, too?'
Genma held up his left hand and pointed at the ring on it.
Raidou spent a moment looking at it, then signed, 'Was he your best man?'
'. . . In a manner of speaking,' Genma signed.
'Well, that's nice, then.' Raidou smiled politely.
'Our anniversary's in two and a half months.'
Raidou looked confused. 'For your best man? Or your wife?'
'For me and Raidou.'
He looked more confused. 'You have anniversaries for best men over there?'
Genma rolled his eyes, brought his hands up and poked his two index fingers together in what was really a fairly obscene gesture.
If you got it.
Raidou didn't get it. He imitated it back, shrugging.
Genma was just wondering how to explain when his Raidou leaned in the doorway.
"Did you fall in and die?" the man asked.
"No, I'm taking to you in the mirror!" he said, gesturing.
The Other Raidou had gone back to grinning madly and waving.
"I'm not a retard there, am I?" Raidou asked, waving back.
"Only a little," Genma answered.
Other Raidou's eyes narrowed. 'I read lips, asshole,' he signed.
"Then why are you making me sign, asshole?" Genma returned.
Raidou grinned cheekily. 'If you're anything like my Genma, you could use the practice.'
"Oh, study this," Genma flipped him off. "I take it back," he said, looking at his Raidou, "he's exactly like you."
"Oh, that's nice," Raidou said, leaning forward and kissing his neck in a sort of cuddle.
Other Raidou's smile vanished. A look of sudden enlightenment came over his face. He slapped a hand over his eyes and shook his head in apparent self-chastisement. 'I should so have gotten that,' he signed with his free hand.
"Yes, you should have," Genma agreed, laughing.
Other Raidou grinned sheepishly and rubbed a hand through his hair again. He shrugged.
His Raidou gave him one last peck--which wasn't really a peck by most definitions of the word--and headed out. "Don't stay in here too long talking to the mirror, okay honey?"
"I'll try not to," Genma answered.
The Other Raidou was watching, apparently fascinated.
"Just a peck," Genma said smugly.
'Didn't know peck involved tongue,' Raidou said, laughing while both eyebrows arched.
"Only when you do it right."
Raidou snorted.
"So you have a girlfriend? That's nice, are you bi?"
'Not that I know of,' Raidou signed, shaking his head.
"Oh, you've gotta be," Genma said.
Raidou just laughed and shook his head. 'I have a girlfriend.'
"Yeah? Where are the pictures of her? Is she hot?"
He flipped through his photos, then rubbed a hand through his hair, frowning. 'I guess I don't have any with me. But yeah, she's pretty.'
He was so obviously gay. "Are all your pictures of Hana?"
Raidou nodded happily. 'And the bunny.' He flipped through them, then shook his head and put several more against the glass. 'The guys.' It was a group shot--Asuma, Genma, Gai, Iruka and Hayate, taken several years before, apparently.
"Did you take this?" Genma asked, looking at it intently.
Raidou nodded. 'Why?'
"Because *your* Genma has a crush on you."
He yanked the picture away from the glass and stared at it. Then he looked at Genma, eyes suspicious. Then the picture. Then he shook his head slowly, an uncertain smile creeping over his face. 'Funny. Very funny.'
"No, really! That's my sexy face!" Genma said, pointing.
Raidou looked at it again. He looked at Genma. 'But he always looks that way. That's just how he looks.'
"Then he's always wanted you," Genma said, smiling and nodding.
Raidou peered at him again. 'Noooo. We're just friends.'
"No, really, it looks just like this, right?" He shut his eyes and thought for a minute, trying to think back to a time when he couldn't give Raidou his best come fuck me look. Then he opened his eyes and gave Raidou a serious look, trying to put as much longing into his face as he could without actually doing any drooling or ogling. He thought about it and threw in some heartache just for good measure.
Raidou looked at the picture. Then Genma. Then the picture. Then he pulled out a different picture and looked at that. Then Genma.
Genma stopped. "You have two pictures of him in your wallet?" His eyebrow went up.
'Just . . . from a mission . . . at this--It doesn't matter!' Raidou signed quickly.
"Gaaaaay!" Genma sang.
'No! He's my best friend!'
"You are so gay!"
Raidou shook his head, slipping off the counter and heading back to the shower. 'Look, as fun as this is--' he didn't look like he meant it, '--I told Iruka I'd fix the shower.'
Genma hammered against the glass.
Raidou ignored him resolutely.
Genma rolled his eyes and resorted to Morse code. 'You should come over,' he rapped out.
Raidou hesitated. He glanced at the shower. 'I told Iruka I'd fix this . . . besides, how?'
Genma held up a finger, mouthing the words 'One moment.' Then he leaned back and opened the door, yelling, "RAIDOU!"
Raidou stuck his head back in. "Yes?"
Genma pointed at the mirror and pouted. "I want you to trade places with him for a minute!"
"Why, you wanna break in a virgin?"
'Hey!' Other Raidou yelped, whole body jerking. 'I'm not a virgin! I have a girlfriend!'
"Have you ever had a boyfriend?" Raidou retorted. He went back to Genma before getting a response. "I will go over there but I'll only swap places with him if you promise not to molest him."
Raidou was nodding madly on the other side of the mirror.
Genma sighed. "I promised not to molest him. I won't do anything to him that I wouldn't do to . . ." he stopped and thought about it. "That I wouldn't do to Iruka while Kakashi was in the room."
Other Raidou seemed greatly appeased.
Raidou didn't seem quite as appeased, but he went with it anyway.
'How?' Other Raidou asked slowly.
"Just lean against the glass," Genma said, gesturing vaguely. "Just lean against the glass and, okay, you lean against the glass too, babe, and try not to hit your head on the way through."
They did. They switched.
"Whoa," Other Raidou said, glancing around. "That shit is seriously fucked up."
**
Raidou watched through the mirror as Genma handed the Other Raidou a drink. Other Raidou looked like he might need a long talk. Well, that was fine. He sat himself on the counter to wait. At least he'd thought to bring his own drink with him.
"Raidou!" a voice that sounded distinctly like Iruka yelled from the other room. An Iruka-head poked in. "Did you get the shower fixed?"
"The what now?" Raidou asked, with a shrug. He took a sip, and got an umbrella halfway up his nose. Oh well, it wasn't his first drink by any measure.
Iruka frowned at him. "The *shower.* What the hell are you--where did you get *that?*" He pointed at the drink.
"Oh, my Iruka's throwing a party." Raidou gestured at the mirror. "Not that you can tell from the bathroom. Maybe if you put your ear to the glass you can hear the music?"
"Your--" he looked, and stared at the Other Raidou and Raidou's Genma standing in the bathroom, chatting. "Damn it. That bastard! He was supposed to be fixing the damned shower!" He turned to glare at Raidou. "You'd better know how to fix a shower."
"Um, I suppose I could try?" Normally he'd figure he could figure it out, but his head was kinda warm and fuzzy from the fruity, rum-filled drink. "What's wrong with it?"
"It's not draining," Iruka said from between gritted teeth. "Can't you people switch with other people when those other people *aren't* trying to fix things?" he snapped.
"Well, I think my Genma's trying to fix your Raidou," he said as he handed Iruka the drink. Well, sort of shoved it at him. Then he leaned over the tub. "It's not just hair in there?" He poked his finger in. "'Cause you know, Iruka complains about his hair all the time and--"
"It's not just hair," Iruka said, taking the drink. He eyed it suspiciously, then sipped. He looked slightly mollified. Apparently Irukas in all sorts of dimensions could be mollified by fruity drinks. "Kakashi wouldn't have stray hairs in his bathtub, trust me," he mumbled.
"Why not? Doesn't he bathe his dogs?" Maybe he could, just, poke the clog with chakra. Worked on everything else, after all.
Iruka stared at him in horror for a long moment. "Only Pakkun is allowed in the apartment, and no, he doesn't bathe Pakkun in here."
"Huh. Heh. Have you ever shaved him?" It was unclear who 'him' was. Poke poke. Yeah, a good shove might work. Loosen the mass up? Sure!
"I--no," Iruka said, looking confused. He took another sip of Raidou's drink and glanced toward the mirror. "Are they going to be long, do you think? I'm sure Raidou has plans for the night . . ."
"Oh, I don't know. It took me a few weeks, really, to get used to being gay but only a day or two to have the point driven home. I bet Genma can do it faster." He grinned at Iruka. "Because he is *so* gay."
"What? No. Raidou's straight," Iruka said, sitting down on the edge of the bathtub and watching Raidou work. He sipped the drink again. "He has a girlfriend. And a daughter." He frowned at the Jounin. "Don't break anything, all right?"
Raidou just *looked* at him. "You actually buy it? Look at him!" He pried the little grate off with his fingers. "Unless your definition of gay means something different . . ."
"Please," Iruka laughed, but he was looking thoughtfully at the mirror. The Other Raidou turned and waved. Iruka waved back. "He's about as gay as . . . as . . . Asuma. And *there's* a womanizer."
Raidou snorted. "Maybe he likes women, but Asuma's fond of anal play."
Iruka coughed bright red rum-drink all over the bathroom counter.
Oh, screw it. Raidou shoved chakra down the pipes.
And, for a precious few seconds, it seemed to work. The still water drained.
Wiping off his chin, Iruka wrinkled up his face. "Gods, I didn't need to know that about your Asuma--" he stopped, watching the water. "Heyyyy. Good jo--"
Then it exploded.
Now, Raidou was not a plumber. At all. Or he would have gone and fetched a hand-powered snake like anyone else. But he was pretty sure that putting pressure on the *drain* shouldn't make the shower head blow off like a mortar. It bounced off the bottom, cracking the porcelain, shot up, and with a freakish amount of residual chakra shattered the mirror.
Raidou froze.
"Oh, shit," Iruka said. He stood, walking to the mirror and tapping on the glass.
It crashed to the counter in a million little pieces.
"Oh, SHIT," Iruka said again. "What did you do? You idiot! How are we supposed to get you back over there and my Raidou here if there's no mirror?!"
Raidou began to speak, and Iruka ran right over him.
"How am I supposed to explain to your daughter why Daddy's *gay* now?! We can't just *leave* it like this!"
"I, umh, tape?" he managed. He already knew that wasn't a good answer. "What fixed it last time?"
Iruka started to rub his scar, then remembered he was holding a drink. He shoved it back at Raidou. "I bought a new one, and it became a portal, too. Maybe another new one . . . we have to get one just like this one, I think. If I can find one. Damn it."
Raidou looked at the pile of shards, picked one up, saw only himself. "I left fish out to thaw."
Iruka stared at him blankly, then closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay. There's got to be a good way to handle this. Without . . . problems." He thought for a long moment, then looked up and smiled brightly. "I've got it! I'll go get a mirror, and you can go on a mission. There's this boring one a few days from here--stupid mail delivery thing, only it's through some swampy areas that are difficult for Genin, but you're Jounin so you can do it, no problem!" He paused. "You are a Jounin still, right?"
Raidou glared at him. "Yes. Dammit. It was good fish too. And your solution is to hide me under a rug?"
"Yes! I'm sure you think it's better to have you wandering around meeting people!" Iruka snapped sarcastically. "No, no no no no no. We'll send you away, and . . . and . . . no one will be the wiser. Things won't get screwed up." He glared at Raidou. "Any worse." Then he smiled slightly--almost a smirk, except that didn't seem to work on his face. "Unless you'd rather spend the next several days avoiding windows in my apartment? A mission would probably be more entertaining."
"I don't know. Is your apartment nice? I can cook."
Iruka hesitated. "Can you cook well?" Kakashi *had* been gone for nearly ten days.
Raidou nodded. "I've been told I'm quite good. Even at cooking." He grinned.
Iruka blushed a dull red. "Um. Yes. Well, you should definitely go on the mission anyway." He grabbed Raidou's wrist, tugging him from the bathroom. "Now. You should leave--well, you'll need gear. You can borrow mine. In the morning, you leave." He stopped in the doorway. "You're sleeping on the couch," he said firmly. Then he started walking again. "And don't talk to anyone. Don't answer the door. I'll find a mirror and--and--we'll get you back over there. Don't talk to *anyone,*" he repeated, and dragged Raidou out the apartment building and down the street.
Raidou sighed. "Bossy Iruka's. A universal constant."
**
"Um." Raidou looked at the suddenly dark mirror. "What the hell just happened?" he asked, alarmed. "They shut the lights off, right? Is this some sort of rotten joke?" In the other room he could hear music playing and people talking--shouting, laughing.
In the bathroom, the mirror was disturbingly dark.
And then it was just a mirror, and he was looking at his and Genma's reflection.
That wasn't right. That was very wrong. He should have been looking at his other self and Iruka. And he wasn't.
He moved and knocked on the mirror, just in case.
His reflection moved, too.
Shit.
"What happened?" he yelped again.
Genma'd gone still and slightly pale. "I don't. I don't--know, I--" He rapped the glass as well. His *husband* was on the other side of that thing! "I didn't do anything!"
"I didn't do anything, either!" Raidou yelped. "I--I--I have to get back! There's things to do and--and--" He stopped, took a deep, calming breath. "Okay. This is fine. This is totally fixable, I'm sure. All we have to do is think logically and--" Something in him snapped. "How can we possibly think logically about something so damn illogical! Get your Iruka or Kakashi in here! Maybe *they* know what's going on!"
Genma leaned back, opened the bathroom door. "IRUKA! Vodka! Now! Get over here!"
"How much?" Iruka yelled back, from somewhere. The party went silent a moment.
"Just bring the bottle!" Genma roared.
Raidou waited, leaning against the counter with his back to the mirror. He'd never particularly enjoyed his reflection--not since the explosion, anyway--but he'd never expected to feel this level of panic at seeing it.
Everything would be fine. Just fine. Fiiiiiiiine.
Iruka walked in, and Raidou grabbed the bottle of vodka and took a swig. His eyes burned with the fumes. He didn't care. "Explain!" he nearly yelled, waving at the mirror without actually looking at it. "And please, *please* tell me it's fixable!"
"Um. Not on this end," Iruka said, looking at it. "It broke, right?"
Genma nodded and grabbed the bottle from NOT-his-Raidou. "You ass. This is for me."
"Broke? Broke? You mean like, temporarily off-line, right?" Raidou asked. "Not I'm-never-returning-home broke?" He waited until Genma had finished drinking, then grabbed the bottle back--dodging Genma's snatch--and took another swig.
"Hopefully?" Iruka offered. "Genma, let me get you another drink."
"How fast will it fix?" Genma said, mouth thin and tense. "I mean, you know, he can be back by next week, right? Or sooner? I mean, he's not trapped . . . Right?"
Iruka didn't respond, and Genma groaned.
"I'm sorry, I don't know. I mean, it's . . . It's user error on the other side, you see?" Iruka apologized. "They fixed it over there last time, somehow."
Raidou just stared at the mirror. Then he took another swig. "I have a daughter," he said weakly. "I am going to go home, right? I kinda like her . . ."
"Yeah, We'll, we'll see what we can do. Hopefully before Raidou does anything stupid over there," Genma said, patting his shoulder. He paused. "Um, your Kakashi's probably not going to try to fuck with him like he did Iruka, right? Cause that could get messy."
"Huh? What--" Raidou blinked and shook his head. "No, no, Iruka's there. Kakashi's on a mission right now, anyway." He took another sip, and realized he couldn't feel the burn from the alcohol anymore. That probably wasn't the best sign.
He took another sip anyway, then shook the rapidly emptying bottle. He looked at Iruka soulfully. "Do you have more?" He held up his vodka and tried to look sober. Ish.
Iruka nodded. "Yeah. Here, you can come sit in the bedroom. I'll start shooing people home," he said, taking his arm. "Genma, you'll stay with him, right?"
"Course," Genma said. He sounded like he might feel ill.
Raidou staggered out of the bathroom after Iruka, letting Genma keep him moving down the short hall and into the bedroom. "This is bigger than Iruka's apartment, you know," he said absently, trying to think of anything except being stuck here.
Here. Where his life wasn't.
He flopped onto the bed. "Oh, gods. This is so wrong." He looked hopefully at Genma. "It can be fixed, right? A few hours and we'll be able to switch back? That would be just fine. Just peachy, even."
"Gods, I hope so . . ." Genma said, sitting on the far edge of the bed. "I mean, you're a nice guy and all . . . But you don't belong here . . ."
Iruka tossed in a bottle of tequila. The sounds of the music were cut off. It was muted, but Iruka's explanation seemed to involve, of all things, the truth. Genma sighed.
Raidou eyed the bottle of tequila. "Any salt around here?" he asked, sliding to the floor. The vodka had done its job. The floor, at least, wasn't moving.
"If you're gonna be a wuss give it here," Genma said. "Or check the little end table there."
"End table . . ." Raidou handed the bottle over and crawled on hands and knees to the end table. He dug through it, peering at first a tube of lubricant that he tossed over his shoulder with a shake of his head, and then at a blue butt-plug. He blinked several times, dropped it, wiped his hand off on the bedspread--just in case--and found the salt. "Why is there salt in here?" he asked, crawling back toward Genma and the suddenly quarter-empty bottle.
He didn't get drunk very often, but given the circumstances, he figured getting totally hammered was understandable. Judging from how rapidly Genma was packing away the alcohol, he agreed.
"I don't have any idea . . ." Genma mumbled as he sat up, crawled forward. He took a moment to look into the drawer. "Wonder where they keep the glass one . . ."
"Glass one?" Raidou mumbled, salting his fist before licking and chugging. 'Drinking' was much too civilized for what he was doing. "Where'd Iruka go? There food around here?"
"Was kinda a pot luck. You're hungy?" Genma turned his head, looking at him. "Could go get food. Food in the fridge. Leftover's at home."
"Always hungry," Raidou muttered darkly. "We definitely need food. A world with food isn't so bad to be stuck in. For a while," he added philosophically.
"Always hungry?" Genma shook his head, didn't press farther. "Good food at home . . . Ruka can come get us if the mirror get's fixed . . . Think it was down for, a week? Or so? Last time? I'll ask. Can you walk?"
"A week," Raidou muttered to himself. He froze, eyes wide. "Shit! I was supposed to take Hana this weekend! Oh, her mother's going to kiiiiiiill meeee . . ." He staggered up to his feet, heaving a great sigh. "I can walk. Let's get food."
Genma took a second to talk to Iruka, nodding, gesturing, and turning back. He looked at the Raidou. "Last time it took two weeks. Iruka'll get us if that changes."
Iruka nodded.
Raidou scrubbed at the back of his head. "Right. Two weeks. Sure." He looked sincerely up at Genma and said, "I'm sure your Raidou will be fine. Iruka's really nice."
"I've met him," Genma said. "Though he was crazy at the time but sure he's not actually totally insane . . . Right?" He led the way, stuffing his hands into his pockets and slouching down the street. "C'mon. Only a mile or so."
"Not at all!" Raidou said, shaking his head entirely too much. "My Genma thinks highly of him. Even dated him once, to help him piss off our Kakashi."
"Heh. Yeah. That never happened here," Genma said. "Had a fling with Kakashi once . . . Was that you in that world?"
"Yeah." He frowned. "No." He blinked and shook his head. "Huh?"
"If I didn't have a fling with him, there, did you?" Genma sounded curious.
Raidou blinked at him. "Noooo. I don't think Kakashi did flings. Or dated. Or had friends, really . . . "
"Ah . . . Well, he didn't get out too much, I suppose." Genma gestured. "Okay, we're at the end of this street, right around the bend."
It seemed like a nice enough neighborhood. Suburbia
"My ex lives there," Raidou said, pointing to a house behind a fence. "Only there's no dog." He glanced around again. "My Genma really, *really* doesn't live here. This is nice."
"Took a long time to get here. Lotta really crappy missions," Genma said, looking. "S'nice house. Has a nice oak in the back yard. Rooftops all the way to town in the neighborhood. Everyone's got insulated roofs." He pointed when he could see it. "There. Our house. Me and Raidou's. My Raidou's."
Raidou stopped and stared. "Nu uh," he said slowly. "Do you *not* live there."
Genma just kept walking, up to the door, pulling out a key and making his hands form the seals to take off the defensive jutsu in the locks. "Yeah, I know. We worked it out, one day. It's the equivalent of like, two hundred A-rank missions, if you go 'em all solo. C'mon You can . . . crash on the couch, I guess."
"No--no--I mean--my girlfriend lives here." Raidou stopped in the doorway as if afraid to take the final step inside. "And it's . . . well, a lot dirtier."
"Dirtier? This is dirtier or her house is?" Genma frowned at him. "We keep it clean! Enough."
"No, her house is dirtier." He walked inside slowly. "But she's got the furniture all the same spots . . . this is so creepy."
"C'mon, let's get you some food. What do you, um, what do you like? This is creepy. You actually smell wrong." Genma wandered to the kitchen.
"Yeah, I--" he stopped talking, head tilted. He stared at the mantle, then slowly padded over to it. There was picture on it, among several others, all taken at the same place. Of them. Of not-him and not-his-Genma, and they looked all . . . formal. And . . . stuff. He picked it up and looked at it. "This is, uh, a--um, wedding picture, isn't it?" he asked uncertainly. They looked happy.
It was really fucking creepy.
"What'd you say?" Genma asked, from the kitchen. "There's bread pudding . . . Or do you want some left over curry?"
Raidou wandered into the kitchen, still carrying the picture. The kitchen wobbled. Not him, of course, but the kitchen. He stepped up behind Genma--it was *just* like his Genma, and for a moment he forgot it wasn't--and leaned on his shoulder, wrapping the other arm around to show him the picture. "You guys got *married*, right?" he asked, blinking owlishly.
Genma went rigid in all the wrong ways and grabbed the frame from him before stepping away. "Yes. I told you that. Take a seat, you get curry."
Raidou nearly fell over, caught himself on the counter, and blinked at his empty hand. "Oh. Okay." He flumped into a kitchen chair and tried to figure out what had just happened. He was pretty sure something had just happened, but his Genma wouldn't have cared--
Ohhhhh. "Uh. Sorry," he said, unsure what he was apologizing for, but trying to make things better anyway.
"Don't worry about it." Genma set the picture on the window ledge. "Hot or cold?"
"Ummmm . . . hot. No, cold. No, wait, hot. Definitely hot. What are we talking about?"
Genma filled a bowl and tossed it into the microwave. "You were asking about the wedding . . . Do you want to see the album?"
Raidou stared at the cooking food. "Um. No. That's okay. It's probably, uh, personal."
"Everyone who went's got copies of most of them." Genma shrugged, watching the little red numbers tick down. "Got some of Iruka and Kakashi in there, being cute, Ibiki, Shizune. Anko, Gai, most of the Genin teams ended up there by the end of the day. Raidou invited the whole damn village, I swear."
Raidou grinned cheerfully. "Well yeah, you should for something like that." He sobered slightly. "But, uh, I really don't need to see those. I mean, there's probably pictures of you guys *kissing* or something, and that would just be *too* weird."
"Those are in another album." Genma grinned. "'Sides, you'd be sitting. You could use a pillow if you got turned on too much." The microwave BING'ed loudly and he pulled out the bubbling bowl, sliding it in front of the Raidou, handing him chopsticks.
Raidou gaped. "What? No! No--I--I'm straight. Really. Well, there was this one time, but there was a girl, too, so it didn't really count. And I was drunk. And--" He needed a subject change. Now. "Hey. This is *hot*. D'you just leave that oven on all the time?"
"S'microwave, not an oven. So you were drunk and, oh, wait, which one walked up and hit on you first?" Genma grinned, starting to boil water for tea. "D'ya want some coffee?"
"I, uh, suggested it," Raidou mumbled. "What's a microwave? And tea, please."
"Really? You drink tea?" Genma shrugged, got a teapot ready for when the water boiled. "You suggested it . . . So the guy must have been pretty hot, right? For a heh, straight guy like you to consider it." He went to the living room, putting the wedding picture back.
"I was *drunk*! People were suggesting things . . . we were laughing . . . you know . . ." He rubbed the back of his head, then scratched at the burn scars. "There was another *girl.* It's not like it was me and a guy and that's *it.*"
"But you had to have been touching him." Genma came back, sat down, grinning. "I've got threeway pictures, you want to see those?" He looked like he was starting to enjoy himself again.
Raidou thought about it for a long moment. He couldn't quite seem to wrap his mind around the concept. "You and who and who?" he asked finally.
"Me and Raidou and this cute blonde we met on our honeymoon," Genma said.
Raidou blinked.
Then blinked again.
". . . Oh." He bent his head to stare at his curry. Curry was good. Curry was safe. He looked back up. "But I'm not gay!"
"You're just bi then. Bet Your-Genma can probably *smell* that you're interested in spite of yourself." Genma grinned got up again, fetching some photo albums.
"Am not bi," Raidou muttered, thinking uncomfortably of his Genma. Genma didn't think that. Surely he didn't think that. "Besides, Genma's always sleeping with people. He wouldn't do that if he liked me," he said triumphantly, looking with interest at the photo albums Other Genma was walking over with.
"One meaningless, sex-driven relationship after another with people that even he knows are totally wrong for him, right?" Genma asked with a grin. "Here, look, this one's mostly safe. When we were first moving in." He opened it, showed a picture of Raidou covered in dirt trying to do something involving a shrubbery.
"Yeah," Raidou said, frowning. "Those kinds of relationships. I hate that." He looked over the pictures, laughing quietly.
"Wow. Almost sounds like he's trying to settle for something but is constantly dissatisfied," Genma said, tone dry.
The next picture was a perfectly made bed in a room that was still getting the windows installed. Underneath it was the hand written note 'our priorities are obvious . . . '
"You think so?" Raidou asked. "What's he looking for, then?" He peered at the picture, and snorted a laugh. "Tell me you wrote that."
"He did. But the picture was my idea. The picture, and the whole not wanting to scre- ah, sleep on the floor anymore." Genma poured the hot water into the teapot, watching the leaves swirl a moment. "He's not looking for anything but a distraction."
Raidou flipped the page, looking at more photos. "Distraction from what?"
"The fact you haven't realized you're gay yet."
"But I'm *not* gay!" Raidou said in exasperation.
"You think you're frustrated, think how he feels," Genma retorted. "And you're right. Bi is *not* the same as gay, my mistake. Here, have some tea." He held out the delicate, brightly colored cup.
Raidou took it, frowning. "I'm not bi, either! I'm straight. *Straight.*"
Genma shrugged. "Well, in that case stay out of the red album. Oh, and the green one." He grinned. "Course, if you were straight, you wouldn't need me to take them away, so I'll leave them out here."
Raidou looked at them. "Um. What's in them?" he asked, studiously not reaching for them.
"Oh, nothing you'd care about." Genma sipped his tea. "You like tea? My Raidou's a coffee fan, for some reason."
"Yeah," Raidou mumbled. He eyed the albums. "Come on, come on!" he said finally, throwing up his hands. "You can't just tell someone to stay out of something and then not tell them what's in it! That's just *mean*!"
"Well, what do you think is in them, then? C'mon, you're a not-dead Shinobi, you can't possibly be *too* dense." Genma leaned back in the chair, balancing on the back two legs with one foot hooked on the table. "There like, some sort of anti-queer cultural movement in your Konoha or what?"
"Anti-queer? No, of course not. I mean, Iruka and Kakashi are--and no one bothers *them* about it. And Genma's gay or bi or . . ." he shrugged. "Maybe just a slut--" he froze and glanced up, a red flush spreading across his cheeks. It mottled the scarred skin. "Uh, no offense. But, anyway, no one seems to bother them. *I'm* just not." He eyed the albums again. "You have like--porny stuff in there? I mean, I don't know why else you'd say not to look . . ."
"I wasn't a slut. I just got around. Sluts are people who try to fill holes in their life with sex. I was just filling the holes in, well, whoever." Genma grinned. "Most of the time, anyway."
Raidou rolled his eyes. "You're gonna get diseases if you're not caref--" he stopped, and turned a dull red again. "Well, I guess you're married now, so . . ."
"I was very careful. And aside from--" he paused. "I'm careful, and I've always been loyal."
"Well," Raidou said uncomfortably, playing with his chopsticks, "that's good." He sighed and looked around, staring for a moment at large black and white photo framed on the wall. It was an impressive picture of a man doing a flip-type-moving thing--hard to tell what, exactly, with the actual movement gone. He focused on that instead of the fact that it was him, naked. "Your Raidou sure isn't shy, is he?" he asked after clearing his throat. He tried to pretend like he wasn't really acutely uncomfortable looking at his naked ass.
"My Raidou was mad beyond talking when he saw that . . . I put it up before he could stop me when people were coming over." He grinned. "After that he gave up. Isn't it nice? Spent a whole day screwing around with different exposures and lighting and crap. Have a few set up with a timer of both of us, a few he took of me." Genma's grin turned into an affectionate smile. "He's pretty good at the whole composition thing."
Raidou smiled back, coaxed into it by Genma's expression. "That's good," he said, looking away from the picture. His vodka drunk seemed to be wearing off. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. "What am I supposed to do for a week? Or however long?" he asked, trying to ignore the photo albums. Curiosity was eating at him.
"Hang out, I guess. I've got some desk jockey jobs to do. If you want to wander around I can go with you, you know? Most people have heard about Iruka's whaked out mirror. Ibiki might want to talk to you a little." He finished his tea, holding the cup up, looking through the thin colorful wall.
Raidou winced. "Ibiki? Is he as fucking insane and nasty as in my world?" He grinned impishly. "Come with me, Genma!" he mock-pled.
"He makes model ships in his free time and listens to opera," Genma said, leaning forward in mock confidence. "Call 'em toys. I dare you."
Raidou laughed. "Well, now, is that a double-dog dare, or just a *normal* dare?"
"What would it take to get you to do it?" Genma replied, setting the cup down. "Tell me about your Ibiki, I'll tell you if mine's crazier."
"He uses Gai as a ginuea pig whenever he comes up with new jutsus." He paused and thought for a moment. "And he dated Anko and Inuzuka Hana. At the same time." He frowned. "Until Hana's dog found out . . ." he grinned. "And he collects lobster shells."
"Lobster shells? Weird. Hmm, well, here he tests his new jutsu out on prisoners that have no useful information. And he dated a scary-as-fuck masochist for about a month but she really freaked him out." Genma thought about it. "Mine came to our wedding. Wanna see?"
Raidou grinned. "Yeah! Your Ibiki sounds fuglier than mine," he said, scooting over to look at the album. "Mine's really just a nasty asshole, but he doesn't do scary things. Unless you piss him off."
Genma pulled the wedding album open, found a picture of Ibiki in his formal garb, with a brightly dressed young woman on one arm, toasting the camera. "Same here. He's a good friend, really."
"He looks . . . almost sane," Raidou said, laughing. "Will wonders never cease?" He plucked at the edge of the photo album and pulled it over, giving Genma time to object. Then he started flipping through. "Whoa, is that *Kakashi*? He looks . . . well, he's *drinking.*"
"He does that, occasionally, you know," Genma said. "Ruka's in there too, see? He left his hair down. Actually it came out for the reception. The *wedding* was very formal and nice." He pointed. "See? There he is."
It was Iruka, hair down and tossed back, holding his drink forward and aloft to the camera.
Raidou stared. Really *stared*. "He looks so . . ." He was going to say 'cute,' and then thought better of it. "Relaxed. And our Kakashi almost NEVER drinks. Once in a while Asuma puts together these camping trips, and we do our best to get the kid wasted, but it doesn't usually happen."
"He doesn't get really drunk. But he'll drink. An' Iruka's a fun guy, you know? Or maybe you don't. He used to be really, extremely . . . Extreme, but he's mellowed."
"Huh." Raidou flipped the page, and grinned at a shot of someone he didn't know on a table, making a toast. Someone else was trying to pull them down. "Our Iruka was kinda a bully when he was younger. Just generally liked to hassle people. Any attention and all that, right? But he's grown up. He's good people, now."
"Really? A Bully? I didn't see most of it, but he was a kinda . . . Party freak. Went to Night county for, like, two and a half years, or something. I mean, you want to talk about sleeping around . . . Man, I got the whole story out of him, like a year ago." Genma shook his head. "He really turned himself around before becoming a teacher. Was on the straight edge for a long time. He's finally relaxing into a decent human being now."
Raidou looked up, eyebrows raised. "Huh. I didn't know him very well until recently, but I don't think my Iruka was ever a partier." He shrugged. "He's fun, now. Oh, gods, he gives the *best* back massages." Raidou was practically melting just thinking about them.
"Heard that's not all he's good at rubbing." Genma mumbled half under his breath. "But, anyway Kakahsi's good for him."
Raidou's eyebrows shot upward. "*Kakashi's* good for him? Man, I'll never get used to the idea of the Copy Ninja being anything but an utter socially deprived freak."
"Well, I didn't say that was *entirely* untrue here." Genma grinned. "But he's a good freak, you know? Not one of those guys you sit around and bet on the body count of the day they snap. They're good for each other." He leaned over, poked the Raidou's bowl of curry. "Eat it or I'll have to zap it again."
Raidou bent over his food. "Zap it," he said on a breath of a laugh. "That's just the weirdest little oven-y thing. Microwave. Whatever," Raidou said, glancing at it furtively. He ate two bites, then grinned. "Actually, I heard a rumor that Iruka and Kakashi started hanging out together in the first place because the higher ups *were* worried about Kakashi snapping." He glanced at the microwave again. "You think that would work in my place? I wonder . . ."
"I don't really feel like causing a dimensional cock up. Well, one worse than this . . ." Genma trailed off, staring at the some bits of blown glass in the window.
Raidou flipped morosely through the album again, looking at people both familiar and completely alien. "Yeah. Me too," he mumbled unhappily, reminded that this wasn't his dimension.
Gods, he hoped he got home soon.
"Hey--mind if I crash on your couch?" he asked, looking longingly toward the main room. If he yanked the blanket over his head, he wouldn't even have to look at his naked self.
"Go down the hall, you can have the bed, if you want." Genma rubbed his temples. "I'm gonna . . . go talk to Ibiki about this, I think."
Raidou hesitated, staring hard at his curry. "Uh--aren't you going to want to sleep at some point tonight? Because, really, *my* Genma tends to forget and just crawl into bed with people, and this is fucked up enough as it is . . ." He winced and looked up apologetically. "I know that's tactless and I'm sorry, but . . ."
"I'll sleep on the couch," Genma said dryly. "I don't sleep with strangers . . . Man, you thought of that really quick, though." His mouth twitched back into a grin.
Raidou blinked at him obliviously for a moment, then snorted and smiled wryly. "Only because *my* Genma's found his drunken way into *my* fucking tent once too often, not because I'm bi. Or gay. Or whatever I'm not." He stood, picking up the bowl and putting it in the sink. "Brat," he muttered cheerfully under his breath. "Bathroom that way, too?"
Genma nodded, stood and stretched. "Yeeah. It's always your tent isn't it? Poor me. I'll sleep on the couch. Might bring Ibiki back but I promise he won't crawl into your bed either."
Raidou paused, frowning. It *was* always his tent--or seemed like it--but that didn't mean anything except that they were good friends. He decided it wasn't worth arguing the point, though. This Genma was just as bullheaded as his Genma. Maybe even more. Maybe a lot more.
"Thanks," he said, wandering down the hall and letting his voice carry. "Now I'll have nightmares about *Ibiki* climbing into my tent." He tossed a smile over his shoulder and headed into the bedroom, closing the door--just for good measure.
He didn't know this Genma, but if there was anymore drinking involved--well, he knew his Genma and the man's damn tent-tendencies.
********************
Title: The Bathroom Mirror Escapades, Vol. 3
In Which Raidou Gets A Talking-To About His Sexuality, and Genma is Quite Put Out
Authors: MessyPeaches and JBMcDragon
Status: In progress
Rating: Er. There's one chapter that's like, hard R/soft NC-17. R overall for language.
Summary: Following in the footsteps of Volume 1 and Volume 2, shit happens. Momo and JB laugh.
Author's notes: This follows from The Great Bathroom Mirror Escapades Volume 1 and Volume 2. If you haven't read them first, I recommend reading at least the first one to figure out what's going on. ;)
The Great Bathroom Mirror Escapades Vol. 3
In Which Raidou Gets a Talking-To About His Sexuality, and Genma is Quite Put Out.
Iruka threw the best parties. It was probably all those years of practice he had that he wouldn't ever fess up to, Genma thought, swirling his margarita. He found a flat surface to set it on and started to locate the bathroom. Two reasons, one he did need to use the restroom and two he kind of wanted to see this magical mirror that Iruka kept talking about. The story was all over the village. Though he got the feeling bits of it had been glossed over.
Huh. Kind of interesting to see that other bathroom. He sidled up to the toilet and did his thing, trying to lean back and look into the mirror and failing. Apparently the angles were all wrong. So, he shook it off, put it away and started to leave.
That's when he caught Raidou's reflection in the mirror, looking down at the shower tub and apparently shouting something out the door.
Genma grinned. Well that was interesting. He thought he was just going to get to see the crazy Kakashi. Now he got to see the crazy Raidou--much better. He banged on the glass. "Oi! Oi!"
The Raidou looked around a moment and then caught sight of Genma. He straightened, running a hand through messy hair, and grinned like a loon. He waved.
"Hi! How ya doin'?"
Raidou just laughed and shrugged, motioning to his ears. Genma thought the other man mouthed, "Can't hear you." That, or "Can't here blue," but it didn't make as much sense. "Oh, yeah," Genma said, then looked around. They didn't have any pads of paper in there, he realized sadly. How did they communicate with their other dimensional friends? He decided to sign instead, in spite of the fact that he absolutely hated it.
'Hi! How you doing?'
Raidou grinned madly again. 'Great! What's going on over there?'
'Iruka's having a party. Semi-annual teacher's party/anniversary thing, I think.'
'Sounds fun,' Raidou signed, smiling. 'Kakashi's gone here--you didn't want to talk to him or Iruka, did you?' He waved a wrench around and shrugged apologetically. 'I'm just the hired help.'
'Oh, I'd much rather talk to you!'
Raidou grinned again, settling back on his hips. 'Sure! I have some time!'
It occurred to Genma that Raidou might be something of a goof in that universe. 'Do you really have a kid?'
Raidou nearly beamed. He took a step forward and hopped up on to the sink, yanking out a wad of photos from his pocket. He slapped the pictures against the mirror and signed, 'Hana! She's eight.' He grinned even *bigger*. 'She's great at math--I never was--and her favorite color is purple--'
'Aw, she has your eyes!' Genma signed.
Raidou nodded madly.
'Who's her mom?' Genma asked.
Raidou just waved a hand. 'Girlfriend from a while back. She has a new bunny and--'
'Your ex-girlfriend has a bunny?'
Raidou looked at him blankly. Then he smirked. 'No. My daughter.'
'That's cute, you actually bother to take care of a bunny? My Raidou had a bunny for a while and then we made it into soup.'
Raidou looked very concerned. 'She'd kill me. Really.' He paused, then asked, 'Your Raidou? You made it into soup? I take it you know each other fairly well there, too?'
Genma held up his left hand and pointed at the ring on it.
Raidou spent a moment looking at it, then signed, 'Was he your best man?'
'. . . In a manner of speaking,' Genma signed.
'Well, that's nice, then.' Raidou smiled politely.
'Our anniversary's in two and a half months.'
Raidou looked confused. 'For your best man? Or your wife?'
'For me and Raidou.'
He looked more confused. 'You have anniversaries for best men over there?'
Genma rolled his eyes, brought his hands up and poked his two index fingers together in what was really a fairly obscene gesture.
If you got it.
Raidou didn't get it. He imitated it back, shrugging.
Genma was just wondering how to explain when his Raidou leaned in the doorway.
"Did you fall in and die?" the man asked.
"No, I'm taking to you in the mirror!" he said, gesturing.
The Other Raidou had gone back to grinning madly and waving.
"I'm not a retard there, am I?" Raidou asked, waving back.
"Only a little," Genma answered.
Other Raidou's eyes narrowed. 'I read lips, asshole,' he signed.
"Then why are you making me sign, asshole?" Genma returned.
Raidou grinned cheekily. 'If you're anything like my Genma, you could use the practice.'
"Oh, study this," Genma flipped him off. "I take it back," he said, looking at his Raidou, "he's exactly like you."
"Oh, that's nice," Raidou said, leaning forward and kissing his neck in a sort of cuddle.
Other Raidou's smile vanished. A look of sudden enlightenment came over his face. He slapped a hand over his eyes and shook his head in apparent self-chastisement. 'I should so have gotten that,' he signed with his free hand.
"Yes, you should have," Genma agreed, laughing.
Other Raidou grinned sheepishly and rubbed a hand through his hair again. He shrugged.
His Raidou gave him one last peck--which wasn't really a peck by most definitions of the word--and headed out. "Don't stay in here too long talking to the mirror, okay honey?"
"I'll try not to," Genma answered.
The Other Raidou was watching, apparently fascinated.
"Just a peck," Genma said smugly.
'Didn't know peck involved tongue,' Raidou said, laughing while both eyebrows arched.
"Only when you do it right."
Raidou snorted.
"So you have a girlfriend? That's nice, are you bi?"
'Not that I know of,' Raidou signed, shaking his head.
"Oh, you've gotta be," Genma said.
Raidou just laughed and shook his head. 'I have a girlfriend.'
"Yeah? Where are the pictures of her? Is she hot?"
He flipped through his photos, then rubbed a hand through his hair, frowning. 'I guess I don't have any with me. But yeah, she's pretty.'
He was so obviously gay. "Are all your pictures of Hana?"
Raidou nodded happily. 'And the bunny.' He flipped through them, then shook his head and put several more against the glass. 'The guys.' It was a group shot--Asuma, Genma, Gai, Iruka and Hayate, taken several years before, apparently.
"Did you take this?" Genma asked, looking at it intently.
Raidou nodded. 'Why?'
"Because *your* Genma has a crush on you."
He yanked the picture away from the glass and stared at it. Then he looked at Genma, eyes suspicious. Then the picture. Then he shook his head slowly, an uncertain smile creeping over his face. 'Funny. Very funny.'
"No, really! That's my sexy face!" Genma said, pointing.
Raidou looked at it again. He looked at Genma. 'But he always looks that way. That's just how he looks.'
"Then he's always wanted you," Genma said, smiling and nodding.
Raidou peered at him again. 'Noooo. We're just friends.'
"No, really, it looks just like this, right?" He shut his eyes and thought for a minute, trying to think back to a time when he couldn't give Raidou his best come fuck me look. Then he opened his eyes and gave Raidou a serious look, trying to put as much longing into his face as he could without actually doing any drooling or ogling. He thought about it and threw in some heartache just for good measure.
Raidou looked at the picture. Then Genma. Then the picture. Then he pulled out a different picture and looked at that. Then Genma.
Genma stopped. "You have two pictures of him in your wallet?" His eyebrow went up.
'Just . . . from a mission . . . at this--It doesn't matter!' Raidou signed quickly.
"Gaaaaay!" Genma sang.
'No! He's my best friend!'
"You are so gay!"
Raidou shook his head, slipping off the counter and heading back to the shower. 'Look, as fun as this is--' he didn't look like he meant it, '--I told Iruka I'd fix the shower.'
Genma hammered against the glass.
Raidou ignored him resolutely.
Genma rolled his eyes and resorted to Morse code. 'You should come over,' he rapped out.
Raidou hesitated. He glanced at the shower. 'I told Iruka I'd fix this . . . besides, how?'
Genma held up a finger, mouthing the words 'One moment.' Then he leaned back and opened the door, yelling, "RAIDOU!"
Raidou stuck his head back in. "Yes?"
Genma pointed at the mirror and pouted. "I want you to trade places with him for a minute!"
"Why, you wanna break in a virgin?"
'Hey!' Other Raidou yelped, whole body jerking. 'I'm not a virgin! I have a girlfriend!'
"Have you ever had a boyfriend?" Raidou retorted. He went back to Genma before getting a response. "I will go over there but I'll only swap places with him if you promise not to molest him."
Raidou was nodding madly on the other side of the mirror.
Genma sighed. "I promised not to molest him. I won't do anything to him that I wouldn't do to . . ." he stopped and thought about it. "That I wouldn't do to Iruka while Kakashi was in the room."
Other Raidou seemed greatly appeased.
Raidou didn't seem quite as appeased, but he went with it anyway.
'How?' Other Raidou asked slowly.
"Just lean against the glass," Genma said, gesturing vaguely. "Just lean against the glass and, okay, you lean against the glass too, babe, and try not to hit your head on the way through."
They did. They switched.
"Whoa," Other Raidou said, glancing around. "That shit is seriously fucked up."
**
Raidou watched through the mirror as Genma handed the Other Raidou a drink. Other Raidou looked like he might need a long talk. Well, that was fine. He sat himself on the counter to wait. At least he'd thought to bring his own drink with him.
"Raidou!" a voice that sounded distinctly like Iruka yelled from the other room. An Iruka-head poked in. "Did you get the shower fixed?"
"The what now?" Raidou asked, with a shrug. He took a sip, and got an umbrella halfway up his nose. Oh well, it wasn't his first drink by any measure.
Iruka frowned at him. "The *shower.* What the hell are you--where did you get *that?*" He pointed at the drink.
"Oh, my Iruka's throwing a party." Raidou gestured at the mirror. "Not that you can tell from the bathroom. Maybe if you put your ear to the glass you can hear the music?"
"Your--" he looked, and stared at the Other Raidou and Raidou's Genma standing in the bathroom, chatting. "Damn it. That bastard! He was supposed to be fixing the damned shower!" He turned to glare at Raidou. "You'd better know how to fix a shower."
"Um, I suppose I could try?" Normally he'd figure he could figure it out, but his head was kinda warm and fuzzy from the fruity, rum-filled drink. "What's wrong with it?"
"It's not draining," Iruka said from between gritted teeth. "Can't you people switch with other people when those other people *aren't* trying to fix things?" he snapped.
"Well, I think my Genma's trying to fix your Raidou," he said as he handed Iruka the drink. Well, sort of shoved it at him. Then he leaned over the tub. "It's not just hair in there?" He poked his finger in. "'Cause you know, Iruka complains about his hair all the time and--"
"It's not just hair," Iruka said, taking the drink. He eyed it suspiciously, then sipped. He looked slightly mollified. Apparently Irukas in all sorts of dimensions could be mollified by fruity drinks. "Kakashi wouldn't have stray hairs in his bathtub, trust me," he mumbled.
"Why not? Doesn't he bathe his dogs?" Maybe he could, just, poke the clog with chakra. Worked on everything else, after all.
Iruka stared at him in horror for a long moment. "Only Pakkun is allowed in the apartment, and no, he doesn't bathe Pakkun in here."
"Huh. Heh. Have you ever shaved him?" It was unclear who 'him' was. Poke poke. Yeah, a good shove might work. Loosen the mass up? Sure!
"I--no," Iruka said, looking confused. He took another sip of Raidou's drink and glanced toward the mirror. "Are they going to be long, do you think? I'm sure Raidou has plans for the night . . ."
"Oh, I don't know. It took me a few weeks, really, to get used to being gay but only a day or two to have the point driven home. I bet Genma can do it faster." He grinned at Iruka. "Because he is *so* gay."
"What? No. Raidou's straight," Iruka said, sitting down on the edge of the bathtub and watching Raidou work. He sipped the drink again. "He has a girlfriend. And a daughter." He frowned at the Jounin. "Don't break anything, all right?"
Raidou just *looked* at him. "You actually buy it? Look at him!" He pried the little grate off with his fingers. "Unless your definition of gay means something different . . ."
"Please," Iruka laughed, but he was looking thoughtfully at the mirror. The Other Raidou turned and waved. Iruka waved back. "He's about as gay as . . . as . . . Asuma. And *there's* a womanizer."
Raidou snorted. "Maybe he likes women, but Asuma's fond of anal play."
Iruka coughed bright red rum-drink all over the bathroom counter.
Oh, screw it. Raidou shoved chakra down the pipes.
And, for a precious few seconds, it seemed to work. The still water drained.
Wiping off his chin, Iruka wrinkled up his face. "Gods, I didn't need to know that about your Asuma--" he stopped, watching the water. "Heyyyy. Good jo--"
Then it exploded.
Now, Raidou was not a plumber. At all. Or he would have gone and fetched a hand-powered snake like anyone else. But he was pretty sure that putting pressure on the *drain* shouldn't make the shower head blow off like a mortar. It bounced off the bottom, cracking the porcelain, shot up, and with a freakish amount of residual chakra shattered the mirror.
Raidou froze.
"Oh, shit," Iruka said. He stood, walking to the mirror and tapping on the glass.
It crashed to the counter in a million little pieces.
"Oh, SHIT," Iruka said again. "What did you do? You idiot! How are we supposed to get you back over there and my Raidou here if there's no mirror?!"
Raidou began to speak, and Iruka ran right over him.
"How am I supposed to explain to your daughter why Daddy's *gay* now?! We can't just *leave* it like this!"
"I, umh, tape?" he managed. He already knew that wasn't a good answer. "What fixed it last time?"
Iruka started to rub his scar, then remembered he was holding a drink. He shoved it back at Raidou. "I bought a new one, and it became a portal, too. Maybe another new one . . . we have to get one just like this one, I think. If I can find one. Damn it."
Raidou looked at the pile of shards, picked one up, saw only himself. "I left fish out to thaw."
Iruka stared at him blankly, then closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay. There's got to be a good way to handle this. Without . . . problems." He thought for a long moment, then looked up and smiled brightly. "I've got it! I'll go get a mirror, and you can go on a mission. There's this boring one a few days from here--stupid mail delivery thing, only it's through some swampy areas that are difficult for Genin, but you're Jounin so you can do it, no problem!" He paused. "You are a Jounin still, right?"
Raidou glared at him. "Yes. Dammit. It was good fish too. And your solution is to hide me under a rug?"
"Yes! I'm sure you think it's better to have you wandering around meeting people!" Iruka snapped sarcastically. "No, no no no no no. We'll send you away, and . . . and . . . no one will be the wiser. Things won't get screwed up." He glared at Raidou. "Any worse." Then he smiled slightly--almost a smirk, except that didn't seem to work on his face. "Unless you'd rather spend the next several days avoiding windows in my apartment? A mission would probably be more entertaining."
"I don't know. Is your apartment nice? I can cook."
Iruka hesitated. "Can you cook well?" Kakashi *had* been gone for nearly ten days.
Raidou nodded. "I've been told I'm quite good. Even at cooking." He grinned.
Iruka blushed a dull red. "Um. Yes. Well, you should definitely go on the mission anyway." He grabbed Raidou's wrist, tugging him from the bathroom. "Now. You should leave--well, you'll need gear. You can borrow mine. In the morning, you leave." He stopped in the doorway. "You're sleeping on the couch," he said firmly. Then he started walking again. "And don't talk to anyone. Don't answer the door. I'll find a mirror and--and--we'll get you back over there. Don't talk to *anyone,*" he repeated, and dragged Raidou out the apartment building and down the street.
Raidou sighed. "Bossy Iruka's. A universal constant."
**
"Um." Raidou looked at the suddenly dark mirror. "What the hell just happened?" he asked, alarmed. "They shut the lights off, right? Is this some sort of rotten joke?" In the other room he could hear music playing and people talking--shouting, laughing.
In the bathroom, the mirror was disturbingly dark.
And then it was just a mirror, and he was looking at his and Genma's reflection.
That wasn't right. That was very wrong. He should have been looking at his other self and Iruka. And he wasn't.
He moved and knocked on the mirror, just in case.
His reflection moved, too.
Shit.
"What happened?" he yelped again.
Genma'd gone still and slightly pale. "I don't. I don't--know, I--" He rapped the glass as well. His *husband* was on the other side of that thing! "I didn't do anything!"
"I didn't do anything, either!" Raidou yelped. "I--I--I have to get back! There's things to do and--and--" He stopped, took a deep, calming breath. "Okay. This is fine. This is totally fixable, I'm sure. All we have to do is think logically and--" Something in him snapped. "How can we possibly think logically about something so damn illogical! Get your Iruka or Kakashi in here! Maybe *they* know what's going on!"
Genma leaned back, opened the bathroom door. "IRUKA! Vodka! Now! Get over here!"
"How much?" Iruka yelled back, from somewhere. The party went silent a moment.
"Just bring the bottle!" Genma roared.
Raidou waited, leaning against the counter with his back to the mirror. He'd never particularly enjoyed his reflection--not since the explosion, anyway--but he'd never expected to feel this level of panic at seeing it.
Everything would be fine. Just fine. Fiiiiiiiine.
Iruka walked in, and Raidou grabbed the bottle of vodka and took a swig. His eyes burned with the fumes. He didn't care. "Explain!" he nearly yelled, waving at the mirror without actually looking at it. "And please, *please* tell me it's fixable!"
"Um. Not on this end," Iruka said, looking at it. "It broke, right?"
Genma nodded and grabbed the bottle from NOT-his-Raidou. "You ass. This is for me."
"Broke? Broke? You mean like, temporarily off-line, right?" Raidou asked. "Not I'm-never-returning-home broke?" He waited until Genma had finished drinking, then grabbed the bottle back--dodging Genma's snatch--and took another swig.
"Hopefully?" Iruka offered. "Genma, let me get you another drink."
"How fast will it fix?" Genma said, mouth thin and tense. "I mean, you know, he can be back by next week, right? Or sooner? I mean, he's not trapped . . . Right?"
Iruka didn't respond, and Genma groaned.
"I'm sorry, I don't know. I mean, it's . . . It's user error on the other side, you see?" Iruka apologized. "They fixed it over there last time, somehow."
Raidou just stared at the mirror. Then he took another swig. "I have a daughter," he said weakly. "I am going to go home, right? I kinda like her . . ."
"Yeah, We'll, we'll see what we can do. Hopefully before Raidou does anything stupid over there," Genma said, patting his shoulder. He paused. "Um, your Kakashi's probably not going to try to fuck with him like he did Iruka, right? Cause that could get messy."
"Huh? What--" Raidou blinked and shook his head. "No, no, Iruka's there. Kakashi's on a mission right now, anyway." He took another sip, and realized he couldn't feel the burn from the alcohol anymore. That probably wasn't the best sign.
He took another sip anyway, then shook the rapidly emptying bottle. He looked at Iruka soulfully. "Do you have more?" He held up his vodka and tried to look sober. Ish.
Iruka nodded. "Yeah. Here, you can come sit in the bedroom. I'll start shooing people home," he said, taking his arm. "Genma, you'll stay with him, right?"
"Course," Genma said. He sounded like he might feel ill.
Raidou staggered out of the bathroom after Iruka, letting Genma keep him moving down the short hall and into the bedroom. "This is bigger than Iruka's apartment, you know," he said absently, trying to think of anything except being stuck here.
Here. Where his life wasn't.
He flopped onto the bed. "Oh, gods. This is so wrong." He looked hopefully at Genma. "It can be fixed, right? A few hours and we'll be able to switch back? That would be just fine. Just peachy, even."
"Gods, I hope so . . ." Genma said, sitting on the far edge of the bed. "I mean, you're a nice guy and all . . . But you don't belong here . . ."
Iruka tossed in a bottle of tequila. The sounds of the music were cut off. It was muted, but Iruka's explanation seemed to involve, of all things, the truth. Genma sighed.
Raidou eyed the bottle of tequila. "Any salt around here?" he asked, sliding to the floor. The vodka had done its job. The floor, at least, wasn't moving.
"If you're gonna be a wuss give it here," Genma said. "Or check the little end table there."
"End table . . ." Raidou handed the bottle over and crawled on hands and knees to the end table. He dug through it, peering at first a tube of lubricant that he tossed over his shoulder with a shake of his head, and then at a blue butt-plug. He blinked several times, dropped it, wiped his hand off on the bedspread--just in case--and found the salt. "Why is there salt in here?" he asked, crawling back toward Genma and the suddenly quarter-empty bottle.
He didn't get drunk very often, but given the circumstances, he figured getting totally hammered was understandable. Judging from how rapidly Genma was packing away the alcohol, he agreed.
"I don't have any idea . . ." Genma mumbled as he sat up, crawled forward. He took a moment to look into the drawer. "Wonder where they keep the glass one . . ."
"Glass one?" Raidou mumbled, salting his fist before licking and chugging. 'Drinking' was much too civilized for what he was doing. "Where'd Iruka go? There food around here?"
"Was kinda a pot luck. You're hungy?" Genma turned his head, looking at him. "Could go get food. Food in the fridge. Leftover's at home."
"Always hungry," Raidou muttered darkly. "We definitely need food. A world with food isn't so bad to be stuck in. For a while," he added philosophically.
"Always hungry?" Genma shook his head, didn't press farther. "Good food at home . . . Ruka can come get us if the mirror get's fixed . . . Think it was down for, a week? Or so? Last time? I'll ask. Can you walk?"
"A week," Raidou muttered to himself. He froze, eyes wide. "Shit! I was supposed to take Hana this weekend! Oh, her mother's going to kiiiiiiill meeee . . ." He staggered up to his feet, heaving a great sigh. "I can walk. Let's get food."
Genma took a second to talk to Iruka, nodding, gesturing, and turning back. He looked at the Raidou. "Last time it took two weeks. Iruka'll get us if that changes."
Iruka nodded.
Raidou scrubbed at the back of his head. "Right. Two weeks. Sure." He looked sincerely up at Genma and said, "I'm sure your Raidou will be fine. Iruka's really nice."
"I've met him," Genma said. "Though he was crazy at the time but sure he's not actually totally insane . . . Right?" He led the way, stuffing his hands into his pockets and slouching down the street. "C'mon. Only a mile or so."
"Not at all!" Raidou said, shaking his head entirely too much. "My Genma thinks highly of him. Even dated him once, to help him piss off our Kakashi."
"Heh. Yeah. That never happened here," Genma said. "Had a fling with Kakashi once . . . Was that you in that world?"
"Yeah." He frowned. "No." He blinked and shook his head. "Huh?"
"If I didn't have a fling with him, there, did you?" Genma sounded curious.
Raidou blinked at him. "Noooo. I don't think Kakashi did flings. Or dated. Or had friends, really . . . "
"Ah . . . Well, he didn't get out too much, I suppose." Genma gestured. "Okay, we're at the end of this street, right around the bend."
It seemed like a nice enough neighborhood. Suburbia
"My ex lives there," Raidou said, pointing to a house behind a fence. "Only there's no dog." He glanced around again. "My Genma really, *really* doesn't live here. This is nice."
"Took a long time to get here. Lotta really crappy missions," Genma said, looking. "S'nice house. Has a nice oak in the back yard. Rooftops all the way to town in the neighborhood. Everyone's got insulated roofs." He pointed when he could see it. "There. Our house. Me and Raidou's. My Raidou's."
Raidou stopped and stared. "Nu uh," he said slowly. "Do you *not* live there."
Genma just kept walking, up to the door, pulling out a key and making his hands form the seals to take off the defensive jutsu in the locks. "Yeah, I know. We worked it out, one day. It's the equivalent of like, two hundred A-rank missions, if you go 'em all solo. C'mon You can . . . crash on the couch, I guess."
"No--no--I mean--my girlfriend lives here." Raidou stopped in the doorway as if afraid to take the final step inside. "And it's . . . well, a lot dirtier."
"Dirtier? This is dirtier or her house is?" Genma frowned at him. "We keep it clean! Enough."
"No, her house is dirtier." He walked inside slowly. "But she's got the furniture all the same spots . . . this is so creepy."
"C'mon, let's get you some food. What do you, um, what do you like? This is creepy. You actually smell wrong." Genma wandered to the kitchen.
"Yeah, I--" he stopped talking, head tilted. He stared at the mantle, then slowly padded over to it. There was picture on it, among several others, all taken at the same place. Of them. Of not-him and not-his-Genma, and they looked all . . . formal. And . . . stuff. He picked it up and looked at it. "This is, uh, a--um, wedding picture, isn't it?" he asked uncertainly. They looked happy.
It was really fucking creepy.
"What'd you say?" Genma asked, from the kitchen. "There's bread pudding . . . Or do you want some left over curry?"
Raidou wandered into the kitchen, still carrying the picture. The kitchen wobbled. Not him, of course, but the kitchen. He stepped up behind Genma--it was *just* like his Genma, and for a moment he forgot it wasn't--and leaned on his shoulder, wrapping the other arm around to show him the picture. "You guys got *married*, right?" he asked, blinking owlishly.
Genma went rigid in all the wrong ways and grabbed the frame from him before stepping away. "Yes. I told you that. Take a seat, you get curry."
Raidou nearly fell over, caught himself on the counter, and blinked at his empty hand. "Oh. Okay." He flumped into a kitchen chair and tried to figure out what had just happened. He was pretty sure something had just happened, but his Genma wouldn't have cared--
Ohhhhh. "Uh. Sorry," he said, unsure what he was apologizing for, but trying to make things better anyway.
"Don't worry about it." Genma set the picture on the window ledge. "Hot or cold?"
"Ummmm . . . hot. No, cold. No, wait, hot. Definitely hot. What are we talking about?"
Genma filled a bowl and tossed it into the microwave. "You were asking about the wedding . . . Do you want to see the album?"
Raidou stared at the cooking food. "Um. No. That's okay. It's probably, uh, personal."
"Everyone who went's got copies of most of them." Genma shrugged, watching the little red numbers tick down. "Got some of Iruka and Kakashi in there, being cute, Ibiki, Shizune. Anko, Gai, most of the Genin teams ended up there by the end of the day. Raidou invited the whole damn village, I swear."
Raidou grinned cheerfully. "Well yeah, you should for something like that." He sobered slightly. "But, uh, I really don't need to see those. I mean, there's probably pictures of you guys *kissing* or something, and that would just be *too* weird."
"Those are in another album." Genma grinned. "'Sides, you'd be sitting. You could use a pillow if you got turned on too much." The microwave BING'ed loudly and he pulled out the bubbling bowl, sliding it in front of the Raidou, handing him chopsticks.
Raidou gaped. "What? No! No--I--I'm straight. Really. Well, there was this one time, but there was a girl, too, so it didn't really count. And I was drunk. And--" He needed a subject change. Now. "Hey. This is *hot*. D'you just leave that oven on all the time?"
"S'microwave, not an oven. So you were drunk and, oh, wait, which one walked up and hit on you first?" Genma grinned, starting to boil water for tea. "D'ya want some coffee?"
"I, uh, suggested it," Raidou mumbled. "What's a microwave? And tea, please."
"Really? You drink tea?" Genma shrugged, got a teapot ready for when the water boiled. "You suggested it . . . So the guy must have been pretty hot, right? For a heh, straight guy like you to consider it." He went to the living room, putting the wedding picture back.
"I was *drunk*! People were suggesting things . . . we were laughing . . . you know . . ." He rubbed the back of his head, then scratched at the burn scars. "There was another *girl.* It's not like it was me and a guy and that's *it.*"
"But you had to have been touching him." Genma came back, sat down, grinning. "I've got threeway pictures, you want to see those?" He looked like he was starting to enjoy himself again.
Raidou thought about it for a long moment. He couldn't quite seem to wrap his mind around the concept. "You and who and who?" he asked finally.
"Me and Raidou and this cute blonde we met on our honeymoon," Genma said.
Raidou blinked.
Then blinked again.
". . . Oh." He bent his head to stare at his curry. Curry was good. Curry was safe. He looked back up. "But I'm not gay!"
"You're just bi then. Bet Your-Genma can probably *smell* that you're interested in spite of yourself." Genma grinned got up again, fetching some photo albums.
"Am not bi," Raidou muttered, thinking uncomfortably of his Genma. Genma didn't think that. Surely he didn't think that. "Besides, Genma's always sleeping with people. He wouldn't do that if he liked me," he said triumphantly, looking with interest at the photo albums Other Genma was walking over with.
"One meaningless, sex-driven relationship after another with people that even he knows are totally wrong for him, right?" Genma asked with a grin. "Here, look, this one's mostly safe. When we were first moving in." He opened it, showed a picture of Raidou covered in dirt trying to do something involving a shrubbery.
"Yeah," Raidou said, frowning. "Those kinds of relationships. I hate that." He looked over the pictures, laughing quietly.
"Wow. Almost sounds like he's trying to settle for something but is constantly dissatisfied," Genma said, tone dry.
The next picture was a perfectly made bed in a room that was still getting the windows installed. Underneath it was the hand written note 'our priorities are obvious . . . '
"You think so?" Raidou asked. "What's he looking for, then?" He peered at the picture, and snorted a laugh. "Tell me you wrote that."
"He did. But the picture was my idea. The picture, and the whole not wanting to scre- ah, sleep on the floor anymore." Genma poured the hot water into the teapot, watching the leaves swirl a moment. "He's not looking for anything but a distraction."
Raidou flipped the page, looking at more photos. "Distraction from what?"
"The fact you haven't realized you're gay yet."
"But I'm *not* gay!" Raidou said in exasperation.
"You think you're frustrated, think how he feels," Genma retorted. "And you're right. Bi is *not* the same as gay, my mistake. Here, have some tea." He held out the delicate, brightly colored cup.
Raidou took it, frowning. "I'm not bi, either! I'm straight. *Straight.*"
Genma shrugged. "Well, in that case stay out of the red album. Oh, and the green one." He grinned. "Course, if you were straight, you wouldn't need me to take them away, so I'll leave them out here."
Raidou looked at them. "Um. What's in them?" he asked, studiously not reaching for them.
"Oh, nothing you'd care about." Genma sipped his tea. "You like tea? My Raidou's a coffee fan, for some reason."
"Yeah," Raidou mumbled. He eyed the albums. "Come on, come on!" he said finally, throwing up his hands. "You can't just tell someone to stay out of something and then not tell them what's in it! That's just *mean*!"
"Well, what do you think is in them, then? C'mon, you're a not-dead Shinobi, you can't possibly be *too* dense." Genma leaned back in the chair, balancing on the back two legs with one foot hooked on the table. "There like, some sort of anti-queer cultural movement in your Konoha or what?"
"Anti-queer? No, of course not. I mean, Iruka and Kakashi are--and no one bothers *them* about it. And Genma's gay or bi or . . ." he shrugged. "Maybe just a slut--" he froze and glanced up, a red flush spreading across his cheeks. It mottled the scarred skin. "Uh, no offense. But, anyway, no one seems to bother them. *I'm* just not." He eyed the albums again. "You have like--porny stuff in there? I mean, I don't know why else you'd say not to look . . ."
"I wasn't a slut. I just got around. Sluts are people who try to fill holes in their life with sex. I was just filling the holes in, well, whoever." Genma grinned. "Most of the time, anyway."
Raidou rolled his eyes. "You're gonna get diseases if you're not caref--" he stopped, and turned a dull red again. "Well, I guess you're married now, so . . ."
"I was very careful. And aside from--" he paused. "I'm careful, and I've always been loyal."
"Well," Raidou said uncomfortably, playing with his chopsticks, "that's good." He sighed and looked around, staring for a moment at large black and white photo framed on the wall. It was an impressive picture of a man doing a flip-type-moving thing--hard to tell what, exactly, with the actual movement gone. He focused on that instead of the fact that it was him, naked. "Your Raidou sure isn't shy, is he?" he asked after clearing his throat. He tried to pretend like he wasn't really acutely uncomfortable looking at his naked ass.
"My Raidou was mad beyond talking when he saw that . . . I put it up before he could stop me when people were coming over." He grinned. "After that he gave up. Isn't it nice? Spent a whole day screwing around with different exposures and lighting and crap. Have a few set up with a timer of both of us, a few he took of me." Genma's grin turned into an affectionate smile. "He's pretty good at the whole composition thing."
Raidou smiled back, coaxed into it by Genma's expression. "That's good," he said, looking away from the picture. His vodka drunk seemed to be wearing off. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. "What am I supposed to do for a week? Or however long?" he asked, trying to ignore the photo albums. Curiosity was eating at him.
"Hang out, I guess. I've got some desk jockey jobs to do. If you want to wander around I can go with you, you know? Most people have heard about Iruka's whaked out mirror. Ibiki might want to talk to you a little." He finished his tea, holding the cup up, looking through the thin colorful wall.
Raidou winced. "Ibiki? Is he as fucking insane and nasty as in my world?" He grinned impishly. "Come with me, Genma!" he mock-pled.
"He makes model ships in his free time and listens to opera," Genma said, leaning forward in mock confidence. "Call 'em toys. I dare you."
Raidou laughed. "Well, now, is that a double-dog dare, or just a *normal* dare?"
"What would it take to get you to do it?" Genma replied, setting the cup down. "Tell me about your Ibiki, I'll tell you if mine's crazier."
"He uses Gai as a ginuea pig whenever he comes up with new jutsus." He paused and thought for a moment. "And he dated Anko and Inuzuka Hana. At the same time." He frowned. "Until Hana's dog found out . . ." he grinned. "And he collects lobster shells."
"Lobster shells? Weird. Hmm, well, here he tests his new jutsu out on prisoners that have no useful information. And he dated a scary-as-fuck masochist for about a month but she really freaked him out." Genma thought about it. "Mine came to our wedding. Wanna see?"
Raidou grinned. "Yeah! Your Ibiki sounds fuglier than mine," he said, scooting over to look at the album. "Mine's really just a nasty asshole, but he doesn't do scary things. Unless you piss him off."
Genma pulled the wedding album open, found a picture of Ibiki in his formal garb, with a brightly dressed young woman on one arm, toasting the camera. "Same here. He's a good friend, really."
"He looks . . . almost sane," Raidou said, laughing. "Will wonders never cease?" He plucked at the edge of the photo album and pulled it over, giving Genma time to object. Then he started flipping through. "Whoa, is that *Kakashi*? He looks . . . well, he's *drinking.*"
"He does that, occasionally, you know," Genma said. "Ruka's in there too, see? He left his hair down. Actually it came out for the reception. The *wedding* was very formal and nice." He pointed. "See? There he is."
It was Iruka, hair down and tossed back, holding his drink forward and aloft to the camera.
Raidou stared. Really *stared*. "He looks so . . ." He was going to say 'cute,' and then thought better of it. "Relaxed. And our Kakashi almost NEVER drinks. Once in a while Asuma puts together these camping trips, and we do our best to get the kid wasted, but it doesn't usually happen."
"He doesn't get really drunk. But he'll drink. An' Iruka's a fun guy, you know? Or maybe you don't. He used to be really, extremely . . . Extreme, but he's mellowed."
"Huh." Raidou flipped the page, and grinned at a shot of someone he didn't know on a table, making a toast. Someone else was trying to pull them down. "Our Iruka was kinda a bully when he was younger. Just generally liked to hassle people. Any attention and all that, right? But he's grown up. He's good people, now."
"Really? A Bully? I didn't see most of it, but he was a kinda . . . Party freak. Went to Night county for, like, two and a half years, or something. I mean, you want to talk about sleeping around . . . Man, I got the whole story out of him, like a year ago." Genma shook his head. "He really turned himself around before becoming a teacher. Was on the straight edge for a long time. He's finally relaxing into a decent human being now."
Raidou looked up, eyebrows raised. "Huh. I didn't know him very well until recently, but I don't think my Iruka was ever a partier." He shrugged. "He's fun, now. Oh, gods, he gives the *best* back massages." Raidou was practically melting just thinking about them.
"Heard that's not all he's good at rubbing." Genma mumbled half under his breath. "But, anyway Kakahsi's good for him."
Raidou's eyebrows shot upward. "*Kakashi's* good for him? Man, I'll never get used to the idea of the Copy Ninja being anything but an utter socially deprived freak."
"Well, I didn't say that was *entirely* untrue here." Genma grinned. "But he's a good freak, you know? Not one of those guys you sit around and bet on the body count of the day they snap. They're good for each other." He leaned over, poked the Raidou's bowl of curry. "Eat it or I'll have to zap it again."
Raidou bent over his food. "Zap it," he said on a breath of a laugh. "That's just the weirdest little oven-y thing. Microwave. Whatever," Raidou said, glancing at it furtively. He ate two bites, then grinned. "Actually, I heard a rumor that Iruka and Kakashi started hanging out together in the first place because the higher ups *were* worried about Kakashi snapping." He glanced at the microwave again. "You think that would work in my place? I wonder . . ."
"I don't really feel like causing a dimensional cock up. Well, one worse than this . . ." Genma trailed off, staring at the some bits of blown glass in the window.
Raidou flipped morosely through the album again, looking at people both familiar and completely alien. "Yeah. Me too," he mumbled unhappily, reminded that this wasn't his dimension.
Gods, he hoped he got home soon.
"Hey--mind if I crash on your couch?" he asked, looking longingly toward the main room. If he yanked the blanket over his head, he wouldn't even have to look at his naked self.
"Go down the hall, you can have the bed, if you want." Genma rubbed his temples. "I'm gonna . . . go talk to Ibiki about this, I think."
Raidou hesitated, staring hard at his curry. "Uh--aren't you going to want to sleep at some point tonight? Because, really, *my* Genma tends to forget and just crawl into bed with people, and this is fucked up enough as it is . . ." He winced and looked up apologetically. "I know that's tactless and I'm sorry, but . . ."
"I'll sleep on the couch," Genma said dryly. "I don't sleep with strangers . . . Man, you thought of that really quick, though." His mouth twitched back into a grin.
Raidou blinked at him obliviously for a moment, then snorted and smiled wryly. "Only because *my* Genma's found his drunken way into *my* fucking tent once too often, not because I'm bi. Or gay. Or whatever I'm not." He stood, picking up the bowl and putting it in the sink. "Brat," he muttered cheerfully under his breath. "Bathroom that way, too?"
Genma nodded, stood and stretched. "Yeeah. It's always your tent isn't it? Poor me. I'll sleep on the couch. Might bring Ibiki back but I promise he won't crawl into your bed either."
Raidou paused, frowning. It *was* always his tent--or seemed like it--but that didn't mean anything except that they were good friends. He decided it wasn't worth arguing the point, though. This Genma was just as bullheaded as his Genma. Maybe even more. Maybe a lot more.
"Thanks," he said, wandering down the hall and letting his voice carry. "Now I'll have nightmares about *Ibiki* climbing into my tent." He tossed a smile over his shoulder and headed into the bedroom, closing the door--just for good measure.
He didn't know this Genma, but if there was anymore drinking involved--well, he knew his Genma and the man's damn tent-tendencies.
********************