Really, what do you want now?
You try not to be bitter about someone, but sometimes the brain just doesn't want to cooperate. It's sad really. I took today off as I'm entering into finals week. I have two finals, one on Tuesday and the last on Wednesday. I also have an 8-10 page paper due today, which I've thankfully written and am just putting the finishing touches on. However, my cell phone blared this morning, so I am taking a break from paper-editing to get this out.
At first, I thought it was a coworker calling out, letting me know so I could block the schedule. Instead, I get this:"hey cuz! how's it going? are you guys going to be in Maryland for the holidays?"
My first thought was, "What the hell do you want now?"
That's a horrible thought to have of my cousin.
However, I think it's valid. I toddled into the bathroom to bother Fidget and told him that I received a text from AM. His response was, "Well, what does she want? It's not unheard of to ask you to do something." I haven't received a message back, though I told her I would be in town and that I plan on seeing Penny the weekend after Christmas (and Franny as well), since I've pretty much fallen off the face of the planet from my family during graduate school.
My main point is that I have not heard from AM since her wedding in August. I randomly happened across her in a gas station a month or so ago, with her saying things like we should get together and that there is so much to update on. However, I haven't heard from her except this morning, only asking if I'm going to be in town. I'd like to be optimistic and think that she wants to see me, but my heart says she just wants me to do something for her.
It's not like with my other friends, friends who have checked in and I've told them, "Look, really can't be your friend right now. School consumes my soul. Will talk to you in December." So I understand why I haven't had in-depth conversations with the majority of my friends; I told them to stay the hell away from me.
But AM? You're my friggin cousin. It's almost as if I was used (and guilted) into doing ridiculous things for your wedding. We live so close to each other (less than two miles), however, I haven't seen you. It's been postulated by my momma that her husband is what inhibits her from seeing me or her mother. This may be true. However, with the way our family works, if your man is an asshole, you own up to that so the women don't think you're just being a dick.
I used to see AM at least once a month before she moved in with her now-husband. I realize that she's also living with her mother-in-law, and this causes a lot of anxiety for her. However, you can at least check in occasionally and see what's going on. And additionally, every time I see her husband, he laments about the fact that we don't get together since we live so close.
My aunt once said something about checking in with AM, and I told her no. The conversation went something along the lines of, "Well you know she's running like a chicken with her head cut off." I looked at my aunt, my forever happy and joyous aunt, and told her, "I'm not contacting her, Penny. I'm working 40 hours a week, going to graduate school, and still make time to come out here and see you or go down and see Fran, neither of which lives close to me. She lives less than two miles from me. She can contact me."
It truly is shitty to be thinking that way, but at this point, I don't have the patience for it. To look at me when I stated I was in both Kayrin's and Smurf's weddings and say, "But I'm your cousin." And I almost crawled across that table, saying, "Then you should fucking know better." I worked to put together her wedding, Fidget was volunteered (by her!) to move chairs and arrange things to make her special snowflake day happen. I comforted her when she cried about my dumbass baby cousin leaving. I took care of her mother-in-law. And you can't even send me a postcard or contact me after your honeymoon?
I just don't have the patience for it. Penny may not check in, however, she's my aunt. She's not on my level. And spending time with Penny shows respect to my momma. My cousin and I are 10 months apart and used to have a much closer relationship. There's no reason we can't be closer.
However, at this point, I'm not reaching out anymore. I just can't. I'll continue to keep contact with my aunts, but I can't worry about my cousin. Especially since my baby cousin (not the dumbass, but his brother) occasionally texts me and we stay in contact, even if we don't see each other. And so does his wife. And I get pictures of their baby. And he lives in friggin Pennsylvania.
The whole situation just makes me very, very angry...
... and hurt and disappointed.
EDIT: Indeed, it was to ask me to take her to the cruise terminal. Failsauce. I am so irrationally angry right now.
At first, I thought it was a coworker calling out, letting me know so I could block the schedule. Instead, I get this:"hey cuz! how's it going? are you guys going to be in Maryland for the holidays?"
My first thought was, "What the hell do you want now?"
That's a horrible thought to have of my cousin.
However, I think it's valid. I toddled into the bathroom to bother Fidget and told him that I received a text from AM. His response was, "Well, what does she want? It's not unheard of to ask you to do something." I haven't received a message back, though I told her I would be in town and that I plan on seeing Penny the weekend after Christmas (and Franny as well), since I've pretty much fallen off the face of the planet from my family during graduate school.
My main point is that I have not heard from AM since her wedding in August. I randomly happened across her in a gas station a month or so ago, with her saying things like we should get together and that there is so much to update on. However, I haven't heard from her except this morning, only asking if I'm going to be in town. I'd like to be optimistic and think that she wants to see me, but my heart says she just wants me to do something for her.
It's not like with my other friends, friends who have checked in and I've told them, "Look, really can't be your friend right now. School consumes my soul. Will talk to you in December." So I understand why I haven't had in-depth conversations with the majority of my friends; I told them to stay the hell away from me.
But AM? You're my friggin cousin. It's almost as if I was used (and guilted) into doing ridiculous things for your wedding. We live so close to each other (less than two miles), however, I haven't seen you. It's been postulated by my momma that her husband is what inhibits her from seeing me or her mother. This may be true. However, with the way our family works, if your man is an asshole, you own up to that so the women don't think you're just being a dick.
I used to see AM at least once a month before she moved in with her now-husband. I realize that she's also living with her mother-in-law, and this causes a lot of anxiety for her. However, you can at least check in occasionally and see what's going on. And additionally, every time I see her husband, he laments about the fact that we don't get together since we live so close.
My aunt once said something about checking in with AM, and I told her no. The conversation went something along the lines of, "Well you know she's running like a chicken with her head cut off." I looked at my aunt, my forever happy and joyous aunt, and told her, "I'm not contacting her, Penny. I'm working 40 hours a week, going to graduate school, and still make time to come out here and see you or go down and see Fran, neither of which lives close to me. She lives less than two miles from me. She can contact me."
It truly is shitty to be thinking that way, but at this point, I don't have the patience for it. To look at me when I stated I was in both Kayrin's and Smurf's weddings and say, "But I'm your cousin." And I almost crawled across that table, saying, "Then you should fucking know better." I worked to put together her wedding, Fidget was volunteered (by her!) to move chairs and arrange things to make her special snowflake day happen. I comforted her when she cried about my dumbass baby cousin leaving. I took care of her mother-in-law. And you can't even send me a postcard or contact me after your honeymoon?
I just don't have the patience for it. Penny may not check in, however, she's my aunt. She's not on my level. And spending time with Penny shows respect to my momma. My cousin and I are 10 months apart and used to have a much closer relationship. There's no reason we can't be closer.
However, at this point, I'm not reaching out anymore. I just can't. I'll continue to keep contact with my aunts, but I can't worry about my cousin. Especially since my baby cousin (not the dumbass, but his brother) occasionally texts me and we stay in contact, even if we don't see each other. And so does his wife. And I get pictures of their baby. And he lives in friggin Pennsylvania.
The whole situation just makes me very, very angry...
... and hurt and disappointed.
EDIT: Indeed, it was to ask me to take her to the cruise terminal. Failsauce. I am so irrationally angry right now.