Mother May I?

[jay00789]

Okay so in an earlier update on life post, I mentioned how I had mixed feelings about my mother right now. I love her and I know she loves me. That much is clear. But she doesn't know I'm gay. I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to tell her not just because she's my mom but because I just have no idea how the hell she's going to react.

Comments

[darsfebruary]

okay, i know no two coming outs are the same, but this is what i think: come out as soon as possible. the unknown and the speculation is so much worse than dealing with any fallout and reaching new understanding in your relationships.

come out, come out, come out. your mother sounds loving and intelligent, and having a gay daughter might help her decide what she thinks, in the end. it could, in fact, be a very positive thing. that's what i suspect based on your conversations.

you're a good representative of the gay community so far as i can tell, and your aunts will be lucky to be able to talk to you.

[gt22]

Ok bare with me - she loves you she’s your mother but I think the Mathew Shepherd thing is a different matter. She is religious and therefore has been taught that Gay is wrong my mum was the same. This doesn’t mean she thinks that - it’s just an automatic response to it. If you where to come out then she could be very different she could become one of these PFLAG mums who embarrass the hell out of you - sadly she could also turn the other way. But from her reaction to Mathew Shepherd and the fact she thinks it was a hate crime has to be a good thing - cause she might not like the fact you want to f**k women but she doesn’t agree with you being abused (in any form) because of it

[thecommawhore]

As someone who just came out to her (somewhat homophobic) mom very recently, let me tell you - it could be bad, but it's more likely that it'll turn out just fine. My mom's not religious so I didn't have all that to deal with, but she has never been in support of homosexuality and yet when I told her I was gay and asked her what she thought all she said was "I'll just have to get used to it". Much better than "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU FREAK" :P

On the other hand, though, if there's going to be all that pressure from her and her friends and church buddies and all that... there's something to be said for waiting until you are ready. You want to be able to stand up against the pressure, not crumble under it and end up believing that who you are is somehow wrong.

[alenidasdi]

So, I read those that posted comments above me and I think they gave you some really great advice. I'm going to offer a different perspective though

[brookes_leaves]

^^ *points up* I agree. ^^

I don't think you should come out unless you know that you can handle the absolute complete rejection. Though I don't think anyone really handles that emotionally very well, you at least need to know you can support yourself financially and that you have another place to go, and people to turn to who can help you through. It's not fair that you need to, but it's reality, anyway.

I wish you luck, hun. Lots ans lots of luck. You're brave and courageous and I am sure you will be fine. It seems like your coming out may make the difference for your mom. And who knows? She may already know and is waiting for you to make the leap.

((hugs))

[half_life33]

yeah, this is pretty much why i'm not out to *my* mom yet.