ATTN: LUCASFILM
(Yes, this has been submitted to Lucasfilm. Well, technically Bantha Tracks, but same ol', same ol'.)
'Tis the season to be jolly!
But this fan can't boast her folly:
On the table sits her cookies,
all misshapen ghost of wookiees.
Now what is this! the girl exclaims,
Her eyes cast darkly on the flames.
The oven's ready for the baking
yet here she stands confused and quaking
staring at those lumps of ginger
wondrin' who she'll have to injure
just to get some clone-shaped cutters
as she walks around and mutters.
The dough is sticky in her hands
as she works to understand
(working out a bandolier)
how Lucasfilm can't see the cheer
a plastic taun taun would excite--
as your teeth are sinking for a bite--
the rubber middle all cut out
and framed to flesh a bantha's snout.
Or what about a wampa's shape?
Sliced to perfection, ginger draped
like ewok curtains spaced for flavor
(and here her musings made her braver)
Give me jawas! Give me Vader!
I'll even take a tusken raider!
Pound out blasters, make Chewbacca!
Round out Jabba with a hookah.
If only baking could be clever
(up until today I'd never
found myself in such a quandry)
and provide me with a sundry
cast of creatures, ready-made and
up to standard, measured, planned.
My imagination seems to lack
the easy stamping of a pack
approved by Lucas and his staff.
My sculpting would be cut by half
if George himself put hand to beard
and thought about this demand of weird
commodities he'd surely sell!
Just make one set, I'll love you swell.
But if you mass produce this product
then I promise you your fans will conduct
an epic raising of the green
Lucasfilm money-makin' machine!
Oh, I'm just kidding. You're more than
that. Perhaps just shy of this one grand
idea maybe you'd never thought of.
And what better way to show your love
of our devotion than to give us
something great to celebrate Christmas?
'Tis the season to be jolly!
But this fan can't boast her folly:
On the table sits her cookies,
all misshapen ghost of wookiees.
Now what is this! the girl exclaims,
Her eyes cast darkly on the flames.
The oven's ready for the baking
yet here she stands confused and quaking
staring at those lumps of ginger
wondrin' who she'll have to injure
just to get some clone-shaped cutters
as she walks around and mutters.
The dough is sticky in her hands
as she works to understand
(working out a bandolier)
how Lucasfilm can't see the cheer
a plastic taun taun would excite--
as your teeth are sinking for a bite--
the rubber middle all cut out
and framed to flesh a bantha's snout.
Or what about a wampa's shape?
Sliced to perfection, ginger draped
like ewok curtains spaced for flavor
(and here her musings made her braver)
Give me jawas! Give me Vader!
I'll even take a tusken raider!
Pound out blasters, make Chewbacca!
Round out Jabba with a hookah.
If only baking could be clever
(up until today I'd never
found myself in such a quandry)
and provide me with a sundry
cast of creatures, ready-made and
up to standard, measured, planned.
My imagination seems to lack
the easy stamping of a pack
approved by Lucas and his staff.
My sculpting would be cut by half
if George himself put hand to beard
and thought about this demand of weird
commodities he'd surely sell!
Just make one set, I'll love you swell.
But if you mass produce this product
then I promise you your fans will conduct
an epic raising of the green
Lucasfilm money-makin' machine!
Oh, I'm just kidding. You're more than
that. Perhaps just shy of this one grand
idea maybe you'd never thought of.
And what better way to show your love
of our devotion than to give us
something great to celebrate Christmas?