Memories
Hey all.
I've been meaning to put my fics into my memories so I have them over here on my own site/journal, and figured now is as good a time as any to start doing that.
I've edited some things in the fics (not a lot, nothing substantial or changing the heart of any story). I'll try not to spam. So I've posted a number of my fics into private posts, and I'll be opening them in a few days so they'll be long past and won't spam up your daily lists, but so they will be publicly accessible through my memory section. I apologize in advance if you're checking back through a week or so and there's a long series of posts by me. I'm just more comfortable with my fics on my journal; I should have been doing this all along. Thanks for your understanding.
Beginning with:
MPreg: A Satire
Chapter One
BRIAN IS PREGNANT
by: BiggestBJFanEVER
“Brian your pregnant” The doctor said.
Brain looked like he was getting ready to faint, then a huge smile spread across his face. “OMG, I’m gonna half to tell Justin hell be so happy!!!!”
[writers comment: I know guys can’t get pregnant but we can just pretend ok?]
Brian returns to the loft and runs to the bathroom and throws up.
“Hey!” Justin siad, coming in behind him. “What’s the matter with you? too much beam last night?”
“No baby,” Brian answered, “I have to tell you, I just came from the doctors and we’re gonna have a baby!”
“OMG!” Justin screams, and he dropped to the floor they were so happy!!!
BRIAN CALLS EVERY PLANNED PARENTHOOD IN THE COUNTRY LOOKING FOR MALE!ABORTIONS BEFORE TELLING JUSTIN ABOUT THE BLESSED EVENT
by: Jane
“Brian,” the doctor said. "Look, we haven’t figured out quite yet why this is happening, but apparently there have been recent developments in the evolution of human beings that have led to the spontaneous creation of fetuses from two Y chromosomes. This seems to have started in New York and San Francisco but we’re seeing it other places, I’ve been following it in the literature. You’re my first pregnant male, though.”
Brian stared at the doctor blankly, for about twenty seconds. Then he yelled, “WHAT!!”
The doctor blinked, but, intelligently, did not laugh. “Yeah… apparently, when two men engage sexually, we’re seeing the spontaneous evolution of what amounts to a linking between the urethra and intestinal system, basically creating a womb-like environment, and a spontaneous generation of the host sperm into an ovum-like organ. So… you’re pregnant.”
“Doctor.” Brian took a deep breath. “Are you telling me I’m going to shit a baby in nine months?”
“Oh, closer to seven, I’d say! You’re about eight weeks along. And no, you do not evacuate the baby, we perform a c-section. It's safer, in terms of the obvious bacterial issues.”
Eight weeks, eight weeks… shit. That would be the last time he’d let Justin top. But…
“But we use condoms.”
“They’re only 93% effective.”
“Okay. Not really the point, 93% effective, but right. Okay. Fine. I'm pregnant. So who do I see about an abortion?”
Later at the loft:
Justin was reading a magazine when Brian slammed in, muttering, “Fucking don’t know how to do male abortions yet, but of course they’ve figured out the delivery…”
“Hey,” Justin greeted him, glancing across the room.
Brian glared at him, and crossed to the kitchen, pulling the bottle of whiskey off the shelf, and taking a huge gulp, never taking his glare from Justin, who shrugged at his bad mood, and looked away. The second gulp of whiskey failed to go down, and Brian felt the burn into his gut, and oh, shit, back up, drank too quick… oh, fuck that damn queasiness that had sent him to the doctor’s in the first place…
He sprinted to the bathroom, just in time to puke his guts out in the toilet.
Justin tried to ignore him, but after ten minutes of dry heaving, he sighed, set the magazine aside, and moved up to the doorway of the bathroom. “You okay, Brian?”
“No, I’m not fucking okay!” Brian yelled at him, clutching his stomach, “This is all your fault!!”
Justin glared back. “What the fuck? I said you ought to come with me to Mel’s partnership party, you decided to get wasted and fuck. How is that my fault?”
“I’m not hung over, I’m fucking pregnant!!”
Justin stared at him, then he frowned, and couldn’t help the sudden delight that crossed his face.
“Don’t. You. Dare,” Brian commanded.
But of course Justin burst out laughing. “You’re pregnant! Oh, this is too good, does Armani carry maternity wear?” He cackled, imagining fat Brian. Then, suddenly, he stopped. “Hey… whose is it?”
“Yeah, okay. Cuz you KNOW what a bottom queen I am. Fuck, asshole, I’m eight weeks, count backwards!”
Oh, right, Justin thought, realizing what that could be traced to. Cool! Or maybe not. One more reason Brian would make toppy Justin an even rarer creature. Shit. “Hey, who you calling asshole… and hey, how long will we be able to fuck? And will I still be attracted to you when you’re fat?” Justin’s lips twitched. This was going to be fun.
“Don’t even go there,” Brian warned. “I’m not getting fat, and you’re never fucking me again.”
“Oh my god, you’re the woman!!”
Brian rested his head on the cool porcelain of the toilet bowl’s lip. “Justin. Shut up. We are going to find the best damn abortionist on the East coast, and then I am never letting you fuck me again.”
“Oh, no, you are not.” Justin’s voice was firm, all humor aside. He knelt down on the floor next to Brian, placed his hand on his back. “You’re having my baby. That’s so cool.”
“In your dreams. I am not, I repeat, not, having your baby.”
Chapter 2
MICKEY LUVS BRAIN ONLY IN THE GOOD NON F**KING WAY
BiggestBJFanEVER writes:
“OMG Brain I am so happy for you!” Michael said as Ben shook Justin’s hand and slapped him on the back. Brian reached over and kissed his husband with tongues and everything.
MICHAEL
by Jane
Michael went white.
“Michael. Michael!!” Brian reached out and, with his index finger popping off his thumb pad, flicked him on the forehead. “I’m not dying, I’m just pregnant.”
“You’re… you’re…” Michael stared, eyes almost black with horror.
“Uh, WE’RE,” Justin corrected, smirking. “My baby’s having my baby,” he said in a voice as sweet as the syrup Brian was pouring all over his stack of pancakes.
“Fucking cut that out, would ya?” Brian bit out around the pancake he was shoving into his mouth. He could not get this shit into him fast enough. Disgusting. He needed more, immediately. “You’re getting really annoying with that shit-eating grin.” He looked around for Deb. He needed the blueberry syrup. And, hell, she could bring on the blueberry pancakes while she was at it.
“But… but…” Mikey looked from one to the other, his eyes snapping back and forth.
Justin raised his eyebrows, shit-eating grin firmly in place.
“But fuck, Brian, he’d have to top you!!” So that did come out a little more loudly than was wise, Michael realized, as Brian froze in mid-chew, and the diner’s chatter died.
“Yeah, take out an advertisement, would ya Mikey?” Brian started chewing again. He didn’t want to; his body was definitely in control of this.
“Take out an ad on what?” Ben asked, sliding in next to Michael.
“Brian’s pregnant!” Mikey shouted. In the background, silence was now absolute. “Holy shit!” they heard Deb’s voice, somewhere in the kitchen.
Michael turned to Ben. “Ben! Why can’t we get pregnant?”
Justin’s eyes widened, and Brian bit his lip. Ben stared down at Michael for a moment, then turned to Brian. “Hey, I guess congratulations…” He saw Brian’s look, and turned to Justin. “Congratulations, Justin,” Ben said, before standing abruptly and walking out.
Justin stared at Michael, speechless.
“You’re an idiot,” Brian said, before continuing to shovel in the pancakes.
“What?” Michael asked. "How could you do it, Brian?"
Justin rolled his eyes.
CUTEST BABY SHOWER EVAH!!!
by BiggestBJFanEVER
Brain stopped drinking and doing all those bad things because they might hurt the baby. He felt better than he had in years and he really did have a glo, and Justin luved him so much! Jutsin told him so, and Brian said, "Oh baby I luv you too" and they were so happy!"
So than Lindsay told Justin he had to give Brian a baby shower and it was such a good idea! One day when Brain got home from work he was really sad because Cynthia had fogotten to get him a decaf latty. His back hurt to because he was six months preg.
“Surprise!” Everyone yelled when he came to the door.
“OMG I’m so surprised!” Brian said, and then the blonde came up to him and they made out like they would not stop until breathing became and issue and they had to come up for air.
“Oh baby I am so proud of you!” Deb said, wiping away a tear.
They opened the presents and Brian liked every thing, all the clothes and even a Tickle Me Elmo doll and a baby seat for the new car. They had a new car because the vet wasn’t practicle for the baby.
“Thank you everybody now get out because I want to make love to my husband!” the brunet announced and everyone laughed and left. They had gotten married of coarce cuz Sunshine had to make an honest man out of his man cuz babies need daddies!!!!!!! and teh ad exec and the artist looked at the presents some more and made love and they were soooo happy!!!!
HELL FOR BRIAN WHEN HE IS NOT THE RULER
by Jane
Scene One:
"FUCK NO!!"
"Brian, you have to. You can't drink that anymore. Look, it's in the book..."
"Fuck your baby book, and fuck you!"
Justin closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. "Look, you can drink all the decaf you want...
"NO! I am not giving up coffee!"
"You only drank it to stay skinny anyway and you definitely don't have to worry about that anymore!" Justin snapped back, completely losing his patience.
Brian stared back at him, and realized his eyes had begun to fill... what the fuck? Horrified, the two men stared at each other as Brian began to actually cry.
"Don't panic," Justin panicked, thumbing fast through the book, "It's just hormones... fuck, FUCK where's that chapter?!"
"THIS SUCKS!!" Brian yelled, unable to stop crying. And completely devastated that Justin thought he was ugly. No one would ever want him, ever again. "FUCKING GET THIS ALIEN OUT OF ME!!!"
Scene Two:
“No. No fucking way,” Brian stated, staring at Lindsay and Justin. He held Gus on his legs. Gus was squirming to get comfortable because, at six months along, Brian no longer had a lap. The chiseled cheekbones were also far less sculpted, but his lips seemed fuller. At least Justin thought so; he thought he was sexy. Brian refused to listen to that one, though. “I’m fucking fat, don’t patronize me!” Justin had stopped trying to placate him. The tears were getting really old, really fast.
“We have to think practically,” Justin insisted now. “I’m not going to keep prying you out of the Corvette’s bucket seat. You need something you can step down from.”
"I will not be caught dead in a minivan!"
"Not dead, pregnant," Lindsay answered. She glanced worriedly over at Melanie, who was biting her lip to keep from laughing hysterically. She almost hurt herself every time she saw pregnant Brian. That was, until Brian had shut her up by telling her that at least his pregnancy didn’t send Justin out on a hunt for the genitalia of the opposite gender. She kept her mouth shut, but every so often a giggle would escape.
"Pregnant, dead, same thing," Brian mumbled.
"Fine," Justin sighed, "How about an SUV?"
“Fuck this,” Brian said, “I’m putting Gus down for his nap.”
After he’d left the room, Mel’s giggles became a little more pronounced. Justin turned to her with a pained expression. “Mel, can you cut that out? You have no idea what I’m going through.”
“Sure, I do!” Mel replied cheerfully.
“So, when’s the shower?”
“Shower?” Justin replied to Lindsay’s question. “He’d kill me.”
“You leave it all up to us, honey,” Lindsay told him.
Scene 3:
Brian was pissed. Horny and pissed. First, he had had to start planning work around an afternoon nap. No matter what, three p.m., out like a light. Then, when he woke up, horny as hell. And would he be able to order up a trick? No way in hell, not after the amount of crap he’d been getting around Liberty as the new reigning Queen. Justin’s Queen, for fuck’s sake. Besides, he wouldn’t let any of the unworthy see him in this condition anyway. And Justin had already told Brian he, Justin, could only suck and fuck so much, like eight times a day was pushing it or something. Anyway, Justin had put his foot down a week ago and refused to come by the office at 4:00 pm anymore.
So he slid open the door to the loft, yelling, “You better be naked and ready to get your brains fucked out…”
“Surprise!” shouted everyone, along with Lindsay’s pained, “Brian!!”
Oh, fuck, they were all there. The whole gang. With a banner across hanging from the ceiling: “Happy Blessed Event!” Waiting for him with a stack of gifts in the sitting area. And a huge cake on the kitchen counter.
“This was not my idea,” Justin called from where he sat on a stool. “Traditionally, I’m not even supposed to be here.”
Brian crossed to the father of his baby, grabbed him by the hand, and pulled him through the throng of well wishers. “It’s a good thing you are.” As Deb and Emmett offered their sincere best wishes, Brian muttered back, “Yeah, yeah, get the cake ready for me, I gotta eat this first.”
Ten minutes later, Justin re-emerged, flushed, his lips beet red. “He’ll, ah, he’s taking a shower, he’ll be out in a minute.” Ted shook his head, and eyed the heavy, post-coital expression on Justin’s face. Shit, he thought, I’d get pregnant if I could get me a piece of that.
Fifteen minutes later:
Brian finished his third slice of cake, and finally asked, “Hey, where’s Mikey?”
“Oh, he’s, um, he had an emergency at the comic store…” Ben answered.
“A comic emergency?” Brian asked, setting his fork down, knowing he REALLY shouldn’t have that fourth piece he was eyeing.
“Yes, well, ah…”
“Presents, Brian!” Lindsay interrupted cheerfully. “Come see what we got you!”
Twenty minutes later, Brian held up a pack of onesies. “What the fuck? What the fuck is Baby’s Best? You call that a brand? No one could find Baby Prada?"
“Don’t even, Brian,” Justin answered from where he sat, next to him on the couch. “I told you we should have registered.” He pressed the Tickle Me Elmo. Privately, he was calling the thing “Melanie’s revenge.” It giggled. For the kajilionth time.
Brian grabbed it, and ripped its head off.
“Brian!” Melanie shrieked, unable to believe, well, very able to believe, her present had been decapitated. One more piece of ammo for me, she thought.
“Brian!” Lindsay reprimanded. My god, the man had just decapitated a poor, helpless stuffed animal.
“Brian!” Justin sighed, wishing that everyone would get out so he could give Brian a rim job, fuck his brains out and calm him down. That measly bathroom blow job was good for only a half-hour. And time was up.
“Brian!” Deb snapped, hitting him upside the head.
“Ow, Deb, why?” Brian smoothed out his hair, looking over his shoulder to the woman and her My Gay Married Son Is Oppressed and If He Can’t Marry I Won’t! t-shirt.
She looked confused for a moment. “Just because I love you,” she answered.
“All right, that’s it, everybody out,” Brian commanded, struggling to stand. He glared at Justin, who had moved to help him. The gang all stared back at Brian, not reacting to his announcement. Fuck, why do I always need to be explicit? he thought, before continuing, “I am horny as hell and Justin promised me he would…”
“All right that’s it, out! everybody out!” Justin interrupted, elbowing Brian in the pudge.
Brian gasped, clutching his side.
“Oh my god, are you all right?”
Brian smirked. “Shit, sunshine, you are way too easy.” His look turned serious. “And you better stay that way for the next three months.”
“Yeah, cause after that you’re never going to fuck again,” Mel cackled.
“You would know!” Brian yelled after her, slamming the door after the crowd.
BEST NEWS EVER!!!!!
by BiggestBJFanEVER
The artist and the ad exec went back to Doc Mcgruder for the six month check up. He told him they were going to have twins! they were so happy!
“Oh my god baby I do not believe it!” Brain said.
Justin hugged him and kissed him and the doctor was embarrassed because he was really a really big homophobe but he did not say anything because Brian was rich and everybody shuts up when your rich.
Then the doctor looked again and he told them “OMG it is really triplets!”
“We are three times blest!” Brian sobbed. He reached over and grabbed his sun shine and kissed him a really long time til the blonde almost past out and the doctor had to leave the room.
Justin drove home because Brian was two big now. On the way home they decided to name their babys that they found out were two girls and a boy Justine, Brianna and Michael. They totally agreed that the babies of the same sex should have there names and it was going too be soo cool.
“Now we have to go shopping for more baby things!” Justin said.
Brian was so happy because he loved to shop!
The Litter, by Jane
“Hi, Dr. McGruder.”
“Hello, Justin. How are you, Brian?” Dr. McGruder asked, looking up from the chart at his patient, who lay back on the examination table, his custom-made Armani suit set aside, the shirt unbuttoned.
“I’m just ducky,” Brian said, rolling his eyes.
“He’s been a bit testy,” Justin added.
“Testy. I'm not testy,” Brian snapped. “I can't work, I fall asleep like I’ve got narcolepsy every day at three and starting last week at seven too, and when I’m not sleeping I want to fuck non-stop. Poor little Sunshine can’t keep up.”
Justin blushed, but the doctor just laughed. “Perfectly normal,” he said, taking out the gel and machinery, and began setting up.
“Don’t forget the food cravings,” Justin added, as Brian hissed at the cold liquid on his protuberant stomach.
“I don’t have food cravings,” Brian said.
“What about last night, 2:30 a.m.? Sending me out to get you chunky monkey ice cream? And anchovies?”
Brian snickered. “Yeah, I can’t believe you fell for that.”
“What?!”
“Ask me again, daddy boy, I’ll tell you some other stuff, too. You’re soooo gullible.”
“Huh.” They were interrupted by the doctor's grunt.
Justin turned his attention to the monitor where a whole bunch of squiggles had come up on the screen. "What?" he asked, again. Brian snorted. Justin smacked his arm.
“Well,” the doctor repeated, his tone quizzical.
“What?” Justin asked.
“Does it have two heads?” Brian craned his head around, curiously.
“Yes, actually. I see two babies.”
“What!!”
Justin closed his eyes.
“No… wait. Three. Three babies. Hm… looks like one penis… maybe two, definitely a boy, nope, that’s not a penis, so, a girl… and a third, unknown, I can only see the butt.”
“Where?” Justin asked, staring at the screen. The doctor pointed the outlines to him.
“Oh my god,” Brian moaned, “I’m having a litter.”
“I am the MAN!!” Justin announced, putting his arm around Brian's shoulders and squeezing him. “My awesome sperm couldn’t be satisfied with just one of yours…”
“Our. OUR awesome sperm, and I swear to god if you don’t cut out that 'I'm da man' crap…”
“You’re just mad because Chandelier asked if you wanted to borrow her cape. Well, your coat wouldn't button! She wasn’t calling you a woman, she was trying to be helpful!”
“It’s cherry red! And fur-lined!” Brian spat.
“What’s wrong with fur?”
“White rabbit fur? Fucking FAKE rabbit fur? On clothing?!”
Dr. McGruder chuckled. Shit, he couldn’t wait to present this at the next conference of the ABOG.
“We’re going to have to buy more baby things,” Justin said, glancing over at Brian, who was absent-mindedly rubbing his stomach. Justin thought that was the most endearing thing ever, but he knew Brian didn’t realize he was doing it, and if Justin wanted to continue to catch sight of Brian’s unconscious affections towards their litter, he damn well better keep his mouth shut.
“On line shopping. I am not going to go to another of your fucking baby stores.”
Justin snickered, but changed the subject. “So, I was thinking we could name them…”
“Brian, Justine and Michelle,” Brian interrupted him, his voice high pitched, his tongue firmly poking at the side of his cheek.
“No fucking way!” Justin returned. “You’re assuming the third’s also a girl, anyway.”
“Fine, Brian, Justine and Michael.”
“Why does the boy get named after you? We should keep our name’s genders matched anyway. Justin, Brian and Michelle. Or, Justine, Brianna and Michael.”
“No fucking way! I am not a girl!”
“It has to be Michelle, though.”
“Yeah, definitely.”
Justin laughed. “This is a ridiculous conversation.”
“You’re right, of course,” Brian agreed.
“Stupidest names I ever heard,” Justin nodded, pulling up in front of the loft.
“And they’re going up for adoption anyway.”
The babies are born!
by, BiggestBJFanEVER
So one day Brian woke up and he was feeling a lot of pain like someone had took a knife to his insides. He pondered if he should wake up his sunshine because Justin looked like an angle sleeping and he loved him with all his heart and sole and wanted him to get his booty sleep (get it? LOL!!!). Then he had another pain and he growned and the blonde who was sooo in tune with his baby that their minds had become one woke up!
“Oh baby your going to have our babies!” Justin screamed and he got up and put Brian into the minivan and they drove to the hospital.
There was a problem in the delivery and the doctor pushed Justin aside when Brian’s heart stopped, but it turned out to not be a problem and then there were the babys shooting out of Brain’s ass and Justin screamed because he was worried!!
“Congradulations you’re a father!!” Dr. Mcgruder told Justin. Jutsin almost feinted when he saw the babies, but he kissed his husband and told him “you did good baby.” Then Brian even though he was exhausted kissed him like he would fuck him right there even though he was recovering from a major operation and the nurse snickered.
They named their babies Justine and Brianna and Michael because the third one was a girl after all and then they bought a ranch type house in the suburbs and decorated it in pastels and payed the owners more then it was worth cuz they were poor people, not B/J the sellers. But they had to get rid of the loft cause it was just a fuck pad and they barbecued all the time and the babies grew up and they were all so happy and loved each other so much!!
The End! by BiggestBJFanEVER Now write me reviews or I’ll never write again, lol, just kidding!
Brian’s Nightmare, by Jane
“Ergh!” Brian grunted, waking up. What the fuck!!? Yeah, he knew the chili Justin had warned him against was spicy - that was the point, didn’t they say spicy foods started contractions? So Justin had been a little pissed when he caught him eating the crap at the diner, and reminded him that, at just under eight months, it was still too soon for the babies to come out. Brian disagreed with that, of course. First of all, when WASN’T Justin irked at him for one reason or another? And second, these aliens could not get out of him soon enough.
And Justin throwing ridiculous names at him, like Britney. And Sasha. Heather! “Heather is so last decade,” Brian told him. “We could call them Spot, Rover, and Duke. Or just numbers, like the Borg! Two of Three.”
Justin hadn’t been amused. Of course, Brian himself never meant to be amusing. So they were even.
Still, after he’d been dragged home and fell into bed for his 7pm blackout (fucking nap, for Christ’s sake), he hadn’t passed out as quickly as he usually did. He opened one eye half way when he felt hands gently touching his skin, smoothing that incredibly expensive, worthless stretch mark lotion into his belly. Looking down, he saw only the top of that blonde head, leaning over his huge bloat, massaging the useless stuff onto him, whispering to his gut. Then soft lips touched his skin, lingering there.
Kind of sweet, actually, he thought, closing his eye and leaning back to simply enjoy his lover’s touch. Of course, that didn’t happen because he passed out immediately, but he might have.
So maybe Justin wasn’t always off base, Brian thought now, stifling another low moan as another pain shot through him. Oh, well, fuck. Maybe it wasn’t the chili.
“Justin,” he whispered.
Justin snorted, and rolled over.
“Justin,” he said.
Mouth chewed, went slack. Drool ensued.
“Justin fucking wake up!” he yelled.
“Fuck!” Justin screeched, bolting up. “Fuck me, Brian! can’t you figure out a nicer way to do that!”
“I would if you’d fucking wake up when I whisper! Look, I think… fuck fuck fuck!” He made no attempt to stifle the grimace. “It feels like someone’s shooting fire up my ass and into my back.
“Oh, shit, contractions! You’re not supposed to deliver for another month!”
“The doctor told us it would be early,” Brian said, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.
“Yeah, right, I told you not to eat that chili…”
“Yeah yeah, you told me, you’re so right, now can you please get the fucking car and drive me to the fucking hospital so we can have these fucking babies?”
Justin really wished he hadn’t insisted on being present for the delivery. Brian had told him he didn’t want him there. “Why can’t you just once be the old-fashioned man and go smoke a cigar while the doctors cut me open? You think I want to see you faint because there’s a huge gash in my guts?”
“That’s what you’d be doing, I’m sure, ignoring my pain,” Justin said. “I’m not you, so shut the fuck up. Want some ice?”
“Yeah. And don’t come back!” Brian added as Justin left.
“Don’t come back, ha, he really knows I will despite what he says, one of these days I’ll just leave him in the middle of this shit, see if I don’t,” Justin mumbled, knowing full well he’d be back as soon as he possibly could. He turned into the cafeteria. “Yeah,” he said to the woman behind the lunch counter. “I need a bucket of ice.”
The cafeteria lady looked at him as if he had three heads. “How ‘bout a cup, cutie?”
“Whatever.”
“Justin!”
Oh, fuck, what the fuck was Michael doing here? Ben too, who came up behind his husband.
“How’s Brian doing?” Michael asked. “What room’s he in?”
“He doesn’t want to see anyone, Michael. Shit, he doesn’t even want to see me.” Justin took the cup from the cafeteria lady.
“What do you mean!? I’m his BEST FRIEND. Who else is going to look out for him?”
Justin looked over at Ben. “Hey, Ben.”
“Hey, Justin,” Ben said, steady as a rock. “Michael, sweetie, why don’t we wait here, and Justin’ll let us know when we can come and see the babies?”
“Yeah, good idea Michael, I’ll keep you up to date and you can keep everyone else up to date when they get here.”
“Everyone’s coming?” Mikey asked, confused.
“When we tell them,” Ben said, clearly articulating each word.
“Oh! Okay!”
“Thanks, guys,” Justin said, turning around and rolling his eyes.
But he really wished he hadn’t insisted on watching the cesarean section. As each baby was lifted out the gaping hole in Brian’s side and let out its little, pathetic squalls, Brian watched Justin watching the babies. “Gross, huh?”
“They really are the ugliest little aliens I’ve ever seen.”
“I meant my wound!!”
The nurse snorted. “Men,” she said. “They are the most beautiful little creatures in the universe!” She cleaned up the second, wrapped it in a blanket, and handed it to Justin. The first was in one of three bassinets off to the side. The little one in Justin’s arms was scrunched up, red, and wrinkled. It waved a little hand at him. The nurse brought the last one to Brian.
“Two of Three!” Brian called to it, holding out his arms, and, taking the little thing, held it against his chest.
The doctor glanced back at Justin, before he began to suture up Brian’s side. “Give ’em a couple of days, boys, they’re all healthy and that boiled lobster look’ll fade. And you’re lucky you don’t have a vagina, at least their heads aren’t squashed.”
“Let me tell you, doc, that’s the least of the reasons I’m lucky I don’t have a vagina. And I’d say it’s Sunshine here who’s even…”
“Ah, doctor, can we be alone for a few minutes?” Justin asked, interrupting Brian.
“Sure, we’re all done here. Nurse, you want to set up a room for these gentlemen?”
“I’ll get right on it,” the nurse said. She took the baby from Justin, and put it in its own little incubator on the side of the room, where it gurgled, and waved its little hands around with its sister, and whimpered. The little aliens were not terribly pleased with this turn of events.
“Good luck, boys. Brian, I’ll send Dr. Weathers in to see you when you get to your room. He said he had five minutes at two p.m.” And he left.
“Dr. Weathers?” Justin asked, moving next to Brian, placing his hand on the back of the baby on Brian’s chest. It was rooting around with its head.
“Sorry, buddy, these are purely decorative,” Brian told the little boy, shifting the creature closer to his throat and away from his nipple. “Yeah, he’s the plastic surgeon.”
“Oh for god’s sake,” Justin grumbled. He watched the little guy for a moment. “Hey, where are we going to put them? We don’t really have that much room in the loft!”
Brian raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t think of this earlier?”
“Well, I just… uh. No. We have the cradles, so…” He was sheepish.
“Ah, my little blond…”
“Fuck you.”
“No, no, never again.”
Justin eyed him, opened his mouth to hotly protest, but Brian interrupted his gathering resistance. That was not a point of debate, as far as Brian was concerned. Never. Again.
“Anyway,” Brian headed him off. “I bought the loft underneath ours.”
“What?”
“Yeah, and I hired Emmett to be our nanny.”
“WHAT?”
“Well, he’s between jobs.”
“Again? Does he have any experience?”
“Emmett has lots of experience.”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it! Don’t you think you could consult me before making all these decisions…”
“Sh…” The baby on Brian’s chest started to spit something unacceptable, and Justin handed Brian a tissue.
“Sorry,” Justin whispered. “Didn’t you think we should TALK about this before you just decide all this shit?”
Brian’s lips twitched. “Shit, sunshine, where have YOU been for the past four years?”
“…Fine. Still. I’ve been right here.”
“Trust me. I’m not likely to forget it.”
Justin took his hand off the baby, and wove his fingers through Brian’s damp hair. “Look at him, Brian, isn’t he perfect?” He glanced over his shoulders at the two babies on their backs, sleeping. “Wow. You and me.” He looked down, blue eyes shining. “I really love you, you know?” He leaned down and kissed Brian softly on the mouth.
Oh, fuck, what the hell, Brian thought. “Yeah, Sunshine, I lo--…”
____
“NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Brian’s shout echoed through the room even as he leapt to his feet and was standing on the mattress, chest heaving. Justin bolted awake and sat upright in bed, looking up.
“Much as I enjoy the view, you want to tell me what the fuck?”
Brian stared around wildly. Then he looked down at Justin, down by his feet, staring past Brian’s cock, up at his face. And Brian could see it, he could see his own dick. He clasped his hands to his rock-hard abs. “Oh, fuck, thank god, thank god, thank god…” He sank to his knees and kept feeling his abdomen, his thin waistline, running his fingers across his smooth, stretch-mark-less skin…
“Hey, you keep doing that,” Justin told him, “You’re going to make me want you on all fours again.” Justin twitched his eyebrows at him, grinning.
Brian sucked in his breath, remembering the night before. “No. Fucking. Way. You are never fucking me again. And for that measure, I’m never fucking you again either. Never. Never never never.”
Justin burst out laughing. He reached out, and touched Brian’s stomach. “Oh, right, Brian, as if. It’s just a dream, you really need to get over it. Although…”
“Yes?” Brian arched an eyebrow.
“I’m really flattered that you secretly want to have my babies.”
Brian snorted. He really should never have shared that. “OR, you should be grateful that I allow you entrance to the inner sanctum, despite my obvious issues with the position. The things I do for you…”
“Yeah, right, you want my babies, just admit it. Anyway, it’s just a dream. You’re still fucking fabulous. Still all flat. And firm. Really firm.” One hand moved up Brian’s abs, to his chest, fingers brushing over the nipple. The other hand descended to Brian’s dick, which surged to life. “And you know what they say, if you fall off the horse…”
“It’s not falling off the horse, it’s BEING the horse.”
“Whatever.” Justin’s hand descended, past his balls, toward his anus. Brian scrunched up his face. Nope, nope, nope, wasn’t going to happen, but… memories of last night kicked in. Justin was pretty fucking good at that. And maybe it was just a sign of his anxiety over the fact that he was starting to enjoy being mounted by his partner a bit too much… Shit. He did not have emotional issues. Damn it, he didn’t. And he could prove it. He lay down on the mattress, opening himself to Justin’s touch. “Fine, get it over with,” he sighed, spreading his legs. “You better kiss me first! And I don’t mean on the lips!”
I've been meaning to put my fics into my memories so I have them over here on my own site/journal, and figured now is as good a time as any to start doing that.
I've edited some things in the fics (not a lot, nothing substantial or changing the heart of any story). I'll try not to spam. So I've posted a number of my fics into private posts, and I'll be opening them in a few days so they'll be long past and won't spam up your daily lists, but so they will be publicly accessible through my memory section. I apologize in advance if you're checking back through a week or so and there's a long series of posts by me. I'm just more comfortable with my fics on my journal; I should have been doing this all along. Thanks for your understanding.
Beginning with:
MPreg: A Satire
Chapter One
BRIAN IS PREGNANT
by: BiggestBJFanEVER
“Brian your pregnant” The doctor said.
Brain looked like he was getting ready to faint, then a huge smile spread across his face. “OMG, I’m gonna half to tell Justin hell be so happy!!!!”
[writers comment: I know guys can’t get pregnant but we can just pretend ok?]
Brian returns to the loft and runs to the bathroom and throws up.
“Hey!” Justin siad, coming in behind him. “What’s the matter with you? too much beam last night?”
“No baby,” Brian answered, “I have to tell you, I just came from the doctors and we’re gonna have a baby!”
“OMG!” Justin screams, and he dropped to the floor they were so happy!!!
BRIAN CALLS EVERY PLANNED PARENTHOOD IN THE COUNTRY LOOKING FOR MALE!ABORTIONS BEFORE TELLING JUSTIN ABOUT THE BLESSED EVENT
by: Jane
“Brian,” the doctor said. "Look, we haven’t figured out quite yet why this is happening, but apparently there have been recent developments in the evolution of human beings that have led to the spontaneous creation of fetuses from two Y chromosomes. This seems to have started in New York and San Francisco but we’re seeing it other places, I’ve been following it in the literature. You’re my first pregnant male, though.”
Brian stared at the doctor blankly, for about twenty seconds. Then he yelled, “WHAT!!”
The doctor blinked, but, intelligently, did not laugh. “Yeah… apparently, when two men engage sexually, we’re seeing the spontaneous evolution of what amounts to a linking between the urethra and intestinal system, basically creating a womb-like environment, and a spontaneous generation of the host sperm into an ovum-like organ. So… you’re pregnant.”
“Doctor.” Brian took a deep breath. “Are you telling me I’m going to shit a baby in nine months?”
“Oh, closer to seven, I’d say! You’re about eight weeks along. And no, you do not evacuate the baby, we perform a c-section. It's safer, in terms of the obvious bacterial issues.”
Eight weeks, eight weeks… shit. That would be the last time he’d let Justin top. But…
“But we use condoms.”
“They’re only 93% effective.”
“Okay. Not really the point, 93% effective, but right. Okay. Fine. I'm pregnant. So who do I see about an abortion?”
Later at the loft:
Justin was reading a magazine when Brian slammed in, muttering, “Fucking don’t know how to do male abortions yet, but of course they’ve figured out the delivery…”
“Hey,” Justin greeted him, glancing across the room.
Brian glared at him, and crossed to the kitchen, pulling the bottle of whiskey off the shelf, and taking a huge gulp, never taking his glare from Justin, who shrugged at his bad mood, and looked away. The second gulp of whiskey failed to go down, and Brian felt the burn into his gut, and oh, shit, back up, drank too quick… oh, fuck that damn queasiness that had sent him to the doctor’s in the first place…
He sprinted to the bathroom, just in time to puke his guts out in the toilet.
Justin tried to ignore him, but after ten minutes of dry heaving, he sighed, set the magazine aside, and moved up to the doorway of the bathroom. “You okay, Brian?”
“No, I’m not fucking okay!” Brian yelled at him, clutching his stomach, “This is all your fault!!”
Justin glared back. “What the fuck? I said you ought to come with me to Mel’s partnership party, you decided to get wasted and fuck. How is that my fault?”
“I’m not hung over, I’m fucking pregnant!!”
Justin stared at him, then he frowned, and couldn’t help the sudden delight that crossed his face.
“Don’t. You. Dare,” Brian commanded.
But of course Justin burst out laughing. “You’re pregnant! Oh, this is too good, does Armani carry maternity wear?” He cackled, imagining fat Brian. Then, suddenly, he stopped. “Hey… whose is it?”
“Yeah, okay. Cuz you KNOW what a bottom queen I am. Fuck, asshole, I’m eight weeks, count backwards!”
Oh, right, Justin thought, realizing what that could be traced to. Cool! Or maybe not. One more reason Brian would make toppy Justin an even rarer creature. Shit. “Hey, who you calling asshole… and hey, how long will we be able to fuck? And will I still be attracted to you when you’re fat?” Justin’s lips twitched. This was going to be fun.
“Don’t even go there,” Brian warned. “I’m not getting fat, and you’re never fucking me again.”
“Oh my god, you’re the woman!!”
Brian rested his head on the cool porcelain of the toilet bowl’s lip. “Justin. Shut up. We are going to find the best damn abortionist on the East coast, and then I am never letting you fuck me again.”
“Oh, no, you are not.” Justin’s voice was firm, all humor aside. He knelt down on the floor next to Brian, placed his hand on his back. “You’re having my baby. That’s so cool.”
“In your dreams. I am not, I repeat, not, having your baby.”
Chapter 2
MICKEY LUVS BRAIN ONLY IN THE GOOD NON F**KING WAY
BiggestBJFanEVER writes:
“OMG Brain I am so happy for you!” Michael said as Ben shook Justin’s hand and slapped him on the back. Brian reached over and kissed his husband with tongues and everything.
MICHAEL
by Jane
Michael went white.
“Michael. Michael!!” Brian reached out and, with his index finger popping off his thumb pad, flicked him on the forehead. “I’m not dying, I’m just pregnant.”
“You’re… you’re…” Michael stared, eyes almost black with horror.
“Uh, WE’RE,” Justin corrected, smirking. “My baby’s having my baby,” he said in a voice as sweet as the syrup Brian was pouring all over his stack of pancakes.
“Fucking cut that out, would ya?” Brian bit out around the pancake he was shoving into his mouth. He could not get this shit into him fast enough. Disgusting. He needed more, immediately. “You’re getting really annoying with that shit-eating grin.” He looked around for Deb. He needed the blueberry syrup. And, hell, she could bring on the blueberry pancakes while she was at it.
“But… but…” Mikey looked from one to the other, his eyes snapping back and forth.
Justin raised his eyebrows, shit-eating grin firmly in place.
“But fuck, Brian, he’d have to top you!!” So that did come out a little more loudly than was wise, Michael realized, as Brian froze in mid-chew, and the diner’s chatter died.
“Yeah, take out an advertisement, would ya Mikey?” Brian started chewing again. He didn’t want to; his body was definitely in control of this.
“Take out an ad on what?” Ben asked, sliding in next to Michael.
“Brian’s pregnant!” Mikey shouted. In the background, silence was now absolute. “Holy shit!” they heard Deb’s voice, somewhere in the kitchen.
Michael turned to Ben. “Ben! Why can’t we get pregnant?”
Justin’s eyes widened, and Brian bit his lip. Ben stared down at Michael for a moment, then turned to Brian. “Hey, I guess congratulations…” He saw Brian’s look, and turned to Justin. “Congratulations, Justin,” Ben said, before standing abruptly and walking out.
Justin stared at Michael, speechless.
“You’re an idiot,” Brian said, before continuing to shovel in the pancakes.
“What?” Michael asked. "How could you do it, Brian?"
Justin rolled his eyes.
CUTEST BABY SHOWER EVAH!!!
by BiggestBJFanEVER
Brain stopped drinking and doing all those bad things because they might hurt the baby. He felt better than he had in years and he really did have a glo, and Justin luved him so much! Jutsin told him so, and Brian said, "Oh baby I luv you too" and they were so happy!"
So than Lindsay told Justin he had to give Brian a baby shower and it was such a good idea! One day when Brain got home from work he was really sad because Cynthia had fogotten to get him a decaf latty. His back hurt to because he was six months preg.
“Surprise!” Everyone yelled when he came to the door.
“OMG I’m so surprised!” Brian said, and then the blonde came up to him and they made out like they would not stop until breathing became and issue and they had to come up for air.
“Oh baby I am so proud of you!” Deb said, wiping away a tear.
They opened the presents and Brian liked every thing, all the clothes and even a Tickle Me Elmo doll and a baby seat for the new car. They had a new car because the vet wasn’t practicle for the baby.
“Thank you everybody now get out because I want to make love to my husband!” the brunet announced and everyone laughed and left. They had gotten married of coarce cuz Sunshine had to make an honest man out of his man cuz babies need daddies!!!!!!! and teh ad exec and the artist looked at the presents some more and made love and they were soooo happy!!!!
HELL FOR BRIAN WHEN HE IS NOT THE RULER
by Jane
Scene One:
"FUCK NO!!"
"Brian, you have to. You can't drink that anymore. Look, it's in the book..."
"Fuck your baby book, and fuck you!"
Justin closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. "Look, you can drink all the decaf you want...
"NO! I am not giving up coffee!"
"You only drank it to stay skinny anyway and you definitely don't have to worry about that anymore!" Justin snapped back, completely losing his patience.
Brian stared back at him, and realized his eyes had begun to fill... what the fuck? Horrified, the two men stared at each other as Brian began to actually cry.
"Don't panic," Justin panicked, thumbing fast through the book, "It's just hormones... fuck, FUCK where's that chapter?!"
"THIS SUCKS!!" Brian yelled, unable to stop crying. And completely devastated that Justin thought he was ugly. No one would ever want him, ever again. "FUCKING GET THIS ALIEN OUT OF ME!!!"
Scene Two:
“No. No fucking way,” Brian stated, staring at Lindsay and Justin. He held Gus on his legs. Gus was squirming to get comfortable because, at six months along, Brian no longer had a lap. The chiseled cheekbones were also far less sculpted, but his lips seemed fuller. At least Justin thought so; he thought he was sexy. Brian refused to listen to that one, though. “I’m fucking fat, don’t patronize me!” Justin had stopped trying to placate him. The tears were getting really old, really fast.
“We have to think practically,” Justin insisted now. “I’m not going to keep prying you out of the Corvette’s bucket seat. You need something you can step down from.”
"I will not be caught dead in a minivan!"
"Not dead, pregnant," Lindsay answered. She glanced worriedly over at Melanie, who was biting her lip to keep from laughing hysterically. She almost hurt herself every time she saw pregnant Brian. That was, until Brian had shut her up by telling her that at least his pregnancy didn’t send Justin out on a hunt for the genitalia of the opposite gender. She kept her mouth shut, but every so often a giggle would escape.
"Pregnant, dead, same thing," Brian mumbled.
"Fine," Justin sighed, "How about an SUV?"
“Fuck this,” Brian said, “I’m putting Gus down for his nap.”
After he’d left the room, Mel’s giggles became a little more pronounced. Justin turned to her with a pained expression. “Mel, can you cut that out? You have no idea what I’m going through.”
“Sure, I do!” Mel replied cheerfully.
“So, when’s the shower?”
“Shower?” Justin replied to Lindsay’s question. “He’d kill me.”
“You leave it all up to us, honey,” Lindsay told him.
Scene 3:
Brian was pissed. Horny and pissed. First, he had had to start planning work around an afternoon nap. No matter what, three p.m., out like a light. Then, when he woke up, horny as hell. And would he be able to order up a trick? No way in hell, not after the amount of crap he’d been getting around Liberty as the new reigning Queen. Justin’s Queen, for fuck’s sake. Besides, he wouldn’t let any of the unworthy see him in this condition anyway. And Justin had already told Brian he, Justin, could only suck and fuck so much, like eight times a day was pushing it or something. Anyway, Justin had put his foot down a week ago and refused to come by the office at 4:00 pm anymore.
So he slid open the door to the loft, yelling, “You better be naked and ready to get your brains fucked out…”
“Surprise!” shouted everyone, along with Lindsay’s pained, “Brian!!”
Oh, fuck, they were all there. The whole gang. With a banner across hanging from the ceiling: “Happy Blessed Event!” Waiting for him with a stack of gifts in the sitting area. And a huge cake on the kitchen counter.
“This was not my idea,” Justin called from where he sat on a stool. “Traditionally, I’m not even supposed to be here.”
Brian crossed to the father of his baby, grabbed him by the hand, and pulled him through the throng of well wishers. “It’s a good thing you are.” As Deb and Emmett offered their sincere best wishes, Brian muttered back, “Yeah, yeah, get the cake ready for me, I gotta eat this first.”
Ten minutes later, Justin re-emerged, flushed, his lips beet red. “He’ll, ah, he’s taking a shower, he’ll be out in a minute.” Ted shook his head, and eyed the heavy, post-coital expression on Justin’s face. Shit, he thought, I’d get pregnant if I could get me a piece of that.
Fifteen minutes later:
Brian finished his third slice of cake, and finally asked, “Hey, where’s Mikey?”
“Oh, he’s, um, he had an emergency at the comic store…” Ben answered.
“A comic emergency?” Brian asked, setting his fork down, knowing he REALLY shouldn’t have that fourth piece he was eyeing.
“Yes, well, ah…”
“Presents, Brian!” Lindsay interrupted cheerfully. “Come see what we got you!”
Twenty minutes later, Brian held up a pack of onesies. “What the fuck? What the fuck is Baby’s Best? You call that a brand? No one could find Baby Prada?"
“Don’t even, Brian,” Justin answered from where he sat, next to him on the couch. “I told you we should have registered.” He pressed the Tickle Me Elmo. Privately, he was calling the thing “Melanie’s revenge.” It giggled. For the kajilionth time.
Brian grabbed it, and ripped its head off.
“Brian!” Melanie shrieked, unable to believe, well, very able to believe, her present had been decapitated. One more piece of ammo for me, she thought.
“Brian!” Lindsay reprimanded. My god, the man had just decapitated a poor, helpless stuffed animal.
“Brian!” Justin sighed, wishing that everyone would get out so he could give Brian a rim job, fuck his brains out and calm him down. That measly bathroom blow job was good for only a half-hour. And time was up.
“Brian!” Deb snapped, hitting him upside the head.
“Ow, Deb, why?” Brian smoothed out his hair, looking over his shoulder to the woman and her My Gay Married Son Is Oppressed and If He Can’t Marry I Won’t! t-shirt.
She looked confused for a moment. “Just because I love you,” she answered.
“All right, that’s it, everybody out,” Brian commanded, struggling to stand. He glared at Justin, who had moved to help him. The gang all stared back at Brian, not reacting to his announcement. Fuck, why do I always need to be explicit? he thought, before continuing, “I am horny as hell and Justin promised me he would…”
“All right that’s it, out! everybody out!” Justin interrupted, elbowing Brian in the pudge.
Brian gasped, clutching his side.
“Oh my god, are you all right?”
Brian smirked. “Shit, sunshine, you are way too easy.” His look turned serious. “And you better stay that way for the next three months.”
“Yeah, cause after that you’re never going to fuck again,” Mel cackled.
“You would know!” Brian yelled after her, slamming the door after the crowd.
BEST NEWS EVER!!!!!
by BiggestBJFanEVER
The artist and the ad exec went back to Doc Mcgruder for the six month check up. He told him they were going to have twins! they were so happy!
“Oh my god baby I do not believe it!” Brain said.
Justin hugged him and kissed him and the doctor was embarrassed because he was really a really big homophobe but he did not say anything because Brian was rich and everybody shuts up when your rich.
Then the doctor looked again and he told them “OMG it is really triplets!”
“We are three times blest!” Brian sobbed. He reached over and grabbed his sun shine and kissed him a really long time til the blonde almost past out and the doctor had to leave the room.
Justin drove home because Brian was two big now. On the way home they decided to name their babys that they found out were two girls and a boy Justine, Brianna and Michael. They totally agreed that the babies of the same sex should have there names and it was going too be soo cool.
“Now we have to go shopping for more baby things!” Justin said.
Brian was so happy because he loved to shop!
The Litter, by Jane
“Hi, Dr. McGruder.”
“Hello, Justin. How are you, Brian?” Dr. McGruder asked, looking up from the chart at his patient, who lay back on the examination table, his custom-made Armani suit set aside, the shirt unbuttoned.
“I’m just ducky,” Brian said, rolling his eyes.
“He’s been a bit testy,” Justin added.
“Testy. I'm not testy,” Brian snapped. “I can't work, I fall asleep like I’ve got narcolepsy every day at three and starting last week at seven too, and when I’m not sleeping I want to fuck non-stop. Poor little Sunshine can’t keep up.”
Justin blushed, but the doctor just laughed. “Perfectly normal,” he said, taking out the gel and machinery, and began setting up.
“Don’t forget the food cravings,” Justin added, as Brian hissed at the cold liquid on his protuberant stomach.
“I don’t have food cravings,” Brian said.
“What about last night, 2:30 a.m.? Sending me out to get you chunky monkey ice cream? And anchovies?”
Brian snickered. “Yeah, I can’t believe you fell for that.”
“What?!”
“Ask me again, daddy boy, I’ll tell you some other stuff, too. You’re soooo gullible.”
“Huh.” They were interrupted by the doctor's grunt.
Justin turned his attention to the monitor where a whole bunch of squiggles had come up on the screen. "What?" he asked, again. Brian snorted. Justin smacked his arm.
“Well,” the doctor repeated, his tone quizzical.
“What?” Justin asked.
“Does it have two heads?” Brian craned his head around, curiously.
“Yes, actually. I see two babies.”
“What!!”
Justin closed his eyes.
“No… wait. Three. Three babies. Hm… looks like one penis… maybe two, definitely a boy, nope, that’s not a penis, so, a girl… and a third, unknown, I can only see the butt.”
“Where?” Justin asked, staring at the screen. The doctor pointed the outlines to him.
“Oh my god,” Brian moaned, “I’m having a litter.”
“I am the MAN!!” Justin announced, putting his arm around Brian's shoulders and squeezing him. “My awesome sperm couldn’t be satisfied with just one of yours…”
“Our. OUR awesome sperm, and I swear to god if you don’t cut out that 'I'm da man' crap…”
“You’re just mad because Chandelier asked if you wanted to borrow her cape. Well, your coat wouldn't button! She wasn’t calling you a woman, she was trying to be helpful!”
“It’s cherry red! And fur-lined!” Brian spat.
“What’s wrong with fur?”
“White rabbit fur? Fucking FAKE rabbit fur? On clothing?!”
Dr. McGruder chuckled. Shit, he couldn’t wait to present this at the next conference of the ABOG.
“We’re going to have to buy more baby things,” Justin said, glancing over at Brian, who was absent-mindedly rubbing his stomach. Justin thought that was the most endearing thing ever, but he knew Brian didn’t realize he was doing it, and if Justin wanted to continue to catch sight of Brian’s unconscious affections towards their litter, he damn well better keep his mouth shut.
“On line shopping. I am not going to go to another of your fucking baby stores.”
Justin snickered, but changed the subject. “So, I was thinking we could name them…”
“Brian, Justine and Michelle,” Brian interrupted him, his voice high pitched, his tongue firmly poking at the side of his cheek.
“No fucking way!” Justin returned. “You’re assuming the third’s also a girl, anyway.”
“Fine, Brian, Justine and Michael.”
“Why does the boy get named after you? We should keep our name’s genders matched anyway. Justin, Brian and Michelle. Or, Justine, Brianna and Michael.”
“No fucking way! I am not a girl!”
“It has to be Michelle, though.”
“Yeah, definitely.”
Justin laughed. “This is a ridiculous conversation.”
“You’re right, of course,” Brian agreed.
“Stupidest names I ever heard,” Justin nodded, pulling up in front of the loft.
“And they’re going up for adoption anyway.”
The babies are born!
by, BiggestBJFanEVER
So one day Brian woke up and he was feeling a lot of pain like someone had took a knife to his insides. He pondered if he should wake up his sunshine because Justin looked like an angle sleeping and he loved him with all his heart and sole and wanted him to get his booty sleep (get it? LOL!!!). Then he had another pain and he growned and the blonde who was sooo in tune with his baby that their minds had become one woke up!
“Oh baby your going to have our babies!” Justin screamed and he got up and put Brian into the minivan and they drove to the hospital.
There was a problem in the delivery and the doctor pushed Justin aside when Brian’s heart stopped, but it turned out to not be a problem and then there were the babys shooting out of Brain’s ass and Justin screamed because he was worried!!
“Congradulations you’re a father!!” Dr. Mcgruder told Justin. Jutsin almost feinted when he saw the babies, but he kissed his husband and told him “you did good baby.” Then Brian even though he was exhausted kissed him like he would fuck him right there even though he was recovering from a major operation and the nurse snickered.
They named their babies Justine and Brianna and Michael because the third one was a girl after all and then they bought a ranch type house in the suburbs and decorated it in pastels and payed the owners more then it was worth cuz they were poor people, not B/J the sellers. But they had to get rid of the loft cause it was just a fuck pad and they barbecued all the time and the babies grew up and they were all so happy and loved each other so much!!
The End! by BiggestBJFanEVER Now write me reviews or I’ll never write again, lol, just kidding!
Brian’s Nightmare, by Jane
“Ergh!” Brian grunted, waking up. What the fuck!!? Yeah, he knew the chili Justin had warned him against was spicy - that was the point, didn’t they say spicy foods started contractions? So Justin had been a little pissed when he caught him eating the crap at the diner, and reminded him that, at just under eight months, it was still too soon for the babies to come out. Brian disagreed with that, of course. First of all, when WASN’T Justin irked at him for one reason or another? And second, these aliens could not get out of him soon enough.
And Justin throwing ridiculous names at him, like Britney. And Sasha. Heather! “Heather is so last decade,” Brian told him. “We could call them Spot, Rover, and Duke. Or just numbers, like the Borg! Two of Three.”
Justin hadn’t been amused. Of course, Brian himself never meant to be amusing. So they were even.
Still, after he’d been dragged home and fell into bed for his 7pm blackout (fucking nap, for Christ’s sake), he hadn’t passed out as quickly as he usually did. He opened one eye half way when he felt hands gently touching his skin, smoothing that incredibly expensive, worthless stretch mark lotion into his belly. Looking down, he saw only the top of that blonde head, leaning over his huge bloat, massaging the useless stuff onto him, whispering to his gut. Then soft lips touched his skin, lingering there.
Kind of sweet, actually, he thought, closing his eye and leaning back to simply enjoy his lover’s touch. Of course, that didn’t happen because he passed out immediately, but he might have.
So maybe Justin wasn’t always off base, Brian thought now, stifling another low moan as another pain shot through him. Oh, well, fuck. Maybe it wasn’t the chili.
“Justin,” he whispered.
Justin snorted, and rolled over.
“Justin,” he said.
Mouth chewed, went slack. Drool ensued.
“Justin fucking wake up!” he yelled.
“Fuck!” Justin screeched, bolting up. “Fuck me, Brian! can’t you figure out a nicer way to do that!”
“I would if you’d fucking wake up when I whisper! Look, I think… fuck fuck fuck!” He made no attempt to stifle the grimace. “It feels like someone’s shooting fire up my ass and into my back.
“Oh, shit, contractions! You’re not supposed to deliver for another month!”
“The doctor told us it would be early,” Brian said, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.
“Yeah, right, I told you not to eat that chili…”
“Yeah yeah, you told me, you’re so right, now can you please get the fucking car and drive me to the fucking hospital so we can have these fucking babies?”
Justin really wished he hadn’t insisted on being present for the delivery. Brian had told him he didn’t want him there. “Why can’t you just once be the old-fashioned man and go smoke a cigar while the doctors cut me open? You think I want to see you faint because there’s a huge gash in my guts?”
“That’s what you’d be doing, I’m sure, ignoring my pain,” Justin said. “I’m not you, so shut the fuck up. Want some ice?”
“Yeah. And don’t come back!” Brian added as Justin left.
“Don’t come back, ha, he really knows I will despite what he says, one of these days I’ll just leave him in the middle of this shit, see if I don’t,” Justin mumbled, knowing full well he’d be back as soon as he possibly could. He turned into the cafeteria. “Yeah,” he said to the woman behind the lunch counter. “I need a bucket of ice.”
The cafeteria lady looked at him as if he had three heads. “How ‘bout a cup, cutie?”
“Whatever.”
“Justin!”
Oh, fuck, what the fuck was Michael doing here? Ben too, who came up behind his husband.
“How’s Brian doing?” Michael asked. “What room’s he in?”
“He doesn’t want to see anyone, Michael. Shit, he doesn’t even want to see me.” Justin took the cup from the cafeteria lady.
“What do you mean!? I’m his BEST FRIEND. Who else is going to look out for him?”
Justin looked over at Ben. “Hey, Ben.”
“Hey, Justin,” Ben said, steady as a rock. “Michael, sweetie, why don’t we wait here, and Justin’ll let us know when we can come and see the babies?”
“Yeah, good idea Michael, I’ll keep you up to date and you can keep everyone else up to date when they get here.”
“Everyone’s coming?” Mikey asked, confused.
“When we tell them,” Ben said, clearly articulating each word.
“Oh! Okay!”
“Thanks, guys,” Justin said, turning around and rolling his eyes.
But he really wished he hadn’t insisted on watching the cesarean section. As each baby was lifted out the gaping hole in Brian’s side and let out its little, pathetic squalls, Brian watched Justin watching the babies. “Gross, huh?”
“They really are the ugliest little aliens I’ve ever seen.”
“I meant my wound!!”
The nurse snorted. “Men,” she said. “They are the most beautiful little creatures in the universe!” She cleaned up the second, wrapped it in a blanket, and handed it to Justin. The first was in one of three bassinets off to the side. The little one in Justin’s arms was scrunched up, red, and wrinkled. It waved a little hand at him. The nurse brought the last one to Brian.
“Two of Three!” Brian called to it, holding out his arms, and, taking the little thing, held it against his chest.
The doctor glanced back at Justin, before he began to suture up Brian’s side. “Give ’em a couple of days, boys, they’re all healthy and that boiled lobster look’ll fade. And you’re lucky you don’t have a vagina, at least their heads aren’t squashed.”
“Let me tell you, doc, that’s the least of the reasons I’m lucky I don’t have a vagina. And I’d say it’s Sunshine here who’s even…”
“Ah, doctor, can we be alone for a few minutes?” Justin asked, interrupting Brian.
“Sure, we’re all done here. Nurse, you want to set up a room for these gentlemen?”
“I’ll get right on it,” the nurse said. She took the baby from Justin, and put it in its own little incubator on the side of the room, where it gurgled, and waved its little hands around with its sister, and whimpered. The little aliens were not terribly pleased with this turn of events.
“Good luck, boys. Brian, I’ll send Dr. Weathers in to see you when you get to your room. He said he had five minutes at two p.m.” And he left.
“Dr. Weathers?” Justin asked, moving next to Brian, placing his hand on the back of the baby on Brian’s chest. It was rooting around with its head.
“Sorry, buddy, these are purely decorative,” Brian told the little boy, shifting the creature closer to his throat and away from his nipple. “Yeah, he’s the plastic surgeon.”
“Oh for god’s sake,” Justin grumbled. He watched the little guy for a moment. “Hey, where are we going to put them? We don’t really have that much room in the loft!”
Brian raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t think of this earlier?”
“Well, I just… uh. No. We have the cradles, so…” He was sheepish.
“Ah, my little blond…”
“Fuck you.”
“No, no, never again.”
Justin eyed him, opened his mouth to hotly protest, but Brian interrupted his gathering resistance. That was not a point of debate, as far as Brian was concerned. Never. Again.
“Anyway,” Brian headed him off. “I bought the loft underneath ours.”
“What?”
“Yeah, and I hired Emmett to be our nanny.”
“WHAT?”
“Well, he’s between jobs.”
“Again? Does he have any experience?”
“Emmett has lots of experience.”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it! Don’t you think you could consult me before making all these decisions…”
“Sh…” The baby on Brian’s chest started to spit something unacceptable, and Justin handed Brian a tissue.
“Sorry,” Justin whispered. “Didn’t you think we should TALK about this before you just decide all this shit?”
Brian’s lips twitched. “Shit, sunshine, where have YOU been for the past four years?”
“…Fine. Still. I’ve been right here.”
“Trust me. I’m not likely to forget it.”
Justin took his hand off the baby, and wove his fingers through Brian’s damp hair. “Look at him, Brian, isn’t he perfect?” He glanced over his shoulders at the two babies on their backs, sleeping. “Wow. You and me.” He looked down, blue eyes shining. “I really love you, you know?” He leaned down and kissed Brian softly on the mouth.
Oh, fuck, what the hell, Brian thought. “Yeah, Sunshine, I lo--…”
____
“NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Brian’s shout echoed through the room even as he leapt to his feet and was standing on the mattress, chest heaving. Justin bolted awake and sat upright in bed, looking up.
“Much as I enjoy the view, you want to tell me what the fuck?”
Brian stared around wildly. Then he looked down at Justin, down by his feet, staring past Brian’s cock, up at his face. And Brian could see it, he could see his own dick. He clasped his hands to his rock-hard abs. “Oh, fuck, thank god, thank god, thank god…” He sank to his knees and kept feeling his abdomen, his thin waistline, running his fingers across his smooth, stretch-mark-less skin…
“Hey, you keep doing that,” Justin told him, “You’re going to make me want you on all fours again.” Justin twitched his eyebrows at him, grinning.
Brian sucked in his breath, remembering the night before. “No. Fucking. Way. You are never fucking me again. And for that measure, I’m never fucking you again either. Never. Never never never.”
Justin burst out laughing. He reached out, and touched Brian’s stomach. “Oh, right, Brian, as if. It’s just a dream, you really need to get over it. Although…”
“Yes?” Brian arched an eyebrow.
“I’m really flattered that you secretly want to have my babies.”
Brian snorted. He really should never have shared that. “OR, you should be grateful that I allow you entrance to the inner sanctum, despite my obvious issues with the position. The things I do for you…”
“Yeah, right, you want my babies, just admit it. Anyway, it’s just a dream. You’re still fucking fabulous. Still all flat. And firm. Really firm.” One hand moved up Brian’s abs, to his chest, fingers brushing over the nipple. The other hand descended to Brian’s dick, which surged to life. “And you know what they say, if you fall off the horse…”
“It’s not falling off the horse, it’s BEING the horse.”
“Whatever.” Justin’s hand descended, past his balls, toward his anus. Brian scrunched up his face. Nope, nope, nope, wasn’t going to happen, but… memories of last night kicked in. Justin was pretty fucking good at that. And maybe it was just a sign of his anxiety over the fact that he was starting to enjoy being mounted by his partner a bit too much… Shit. He did not have emotional issues. Damn it, he didn’t. And he could prove it. He lay down on the mattress, opening himself to Justin’s touch. “Fine, get it over with,” he sighed, spreading his legs. “You better kiss me first! And I don’t mean on the lips!”