This photo art was given to me some time ago by Tiaral from asianfanfics for any purpose I so choose. ^_^ I choose it as my photo for this fic (that’s why it doesn’t have the name of the fic like all my other posters) but I think it goes with the overall story. Loved it and finally get to use it! THANK YOU TIARAL!
Title: Transgressions
Author
jaceniPairing: Minjae, minor onesided yunjae appearance, OC pairing
Genre: Angst, Romance, humor, drama, AU
Rating: NC-17 (some parts just PG-16, but since it’s an incest fic I’ve labeled it NC17)
Warning: ACTUAL INCEST(don't say you weren't warned. If this offends you, please don't read.), yaoi, smut, reluctance, Min!seme, Jae!uke, might be unbelievable?, in a world where innocence can be preserved at a later age than today's youth, minors, etc. Corny?, definitely doses of fluffy moments… Oh, and it only really has 2 scenes that could classify as smut scenes or something as close to it as possible. I’ll let you guess at when it happens. XD Think that's it. ^^
Length: Chaptered (14/14+Epilogue)
Beta:
enragedsilverDisclaimer: I don’t own the characters of this story or profit from this story. Any similarity to a story already created is accidental. Please let me know if this story is too much like another you might have read, that way I’m aware of it. ^.^ Ya know, there’s only so many plots out there that won’t clash with other stories from other fandoms, so bare that in mind when reading.
Summary: Who said loving your brother like this was bad? Who were they to draw the line to what was good or bad? They'd shared a womb and so much more... so why couldn't they... no, it was wrong. He shouldn't be thinking this...
A/N: Long ass author's note in the Epilogue. :D Enjoy!
Previous Chapter -Chapter 14-
Changmin was still seething when they got home. Oh how he wanted to break Yunho’s face for touching Jae that way. Not even Yoochun touched him in that way! And Jae had known Yoochun for years now! He tried to control his emotions, which were flying all over the place and breathed deeply several times. Jaejoong had been surprisingly quiet on their way to their apartment and hadn’t said a word to him for his behavior. Changmin suddenly felt the nervous energy Jaejoong was emitting and stopped to look at him. Why was Jaejoong so nervous? Shouldn’t he be angry instead that his brother behaved so… out of character?
He focused and felt the determination in his brother and got a little scared. What was Jaejoong determined about? Had he finally decided it was best to just go their separate ways and hope that with distance that their… whatever it is… would diminished. It seemed logical, they did seem less connected when further apart. Changmin had feared that one day they’d come to this point. It was only a matter of time before they tried that option and since they were pretty much more or less adults, that was a plausible option. Suddenly his fear increased more.
“We have to talk Changmin. And it’s long overdue.” Jaejoong said in a strong confident voice. He didn’t sound nervous or scared or anything that would indicate he wasn’t one hundred percent determined. It was rare when this happened and Changmin had learned that whenever Jaejoong showed this side of himself it was a very serious matter.
Sure, one time he’d used this tone of voice to confront Changmin because he had eaten his cookies when they were six, which he’d clearly stated for Changmin not to eat, but that’s beside the point.
“I think we need to sit down for this. Let’s go to the couch Min…” Jaejoong said as he walked over to the couch. Changmin tensed even though Jaejoong had called him Min. His fear that he was about to get something so life altering that he wouldn’t like was very likely to happen on that very couch and he didn’t know how to feel about that.
He obediently walked to the couch, following Jaejoong, and sat down at one end. He waited for Jaejoong to speak and wondered why the nervousness was creeping up. He probably didn’t know how to break it to him.
Jaejoong shot up from the couch and began pacing the living room as he began, “Okay, so maybe it’s best if you stay right there while I say this. I-I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while Min, but it never seemed like the right time and I had decided to just ignore it and pretend it didn’t exist but at the same time I can’t keep ignoring and pretending forever and-”
“Breathe Jae, breathe. You know I’m here for you, just say what you have to say.” Changmin smiled at Jaejoong to relax him a little even if his own heart rate had increase along with his fear that his little brother would finally leave him. He didn’t know what he’d do without him, had never pictured a life without him in his life. He only hoped his smile looked more genuine than it felt.
When he saw his brother stop to look at him and do as he stated, he felt that warm feeling he always felt whenever his cute brother did something that reminded him that he was indeed the younger one. It made him feel at least peace in knowing that Jaejoong would always look to him for support even if unconsciously.
*
“And I’ve decided to tell you now, regardless of what happens. Changmin, please don’t hate me… I-I…” Jaejoong bit his lip, his hands shook a little and he could feel the burning sensation tears caused when they were trying to escape from your eyelids. He couldn’t think beyond the fear he felt and even if he’d told himself time and time again that his brother would never be able to hate him the fear was still there… plaguing him in the back of his mind. It’s as if everything he’d told himself about this moment, all the words he’d use to encourage himself, were gone and his mind was blank and his fear as if he’d never thought of the outcome of this moment.
He turned away from Changmin in that moment so that he wouldn’t see his watery eyes and exhaled shakily. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he shouldn’t tell him anything. Maybe he really should take it to the grave and not stain his brother’s image of him?
He felt Changmin’s sympathy and heard him getting out of the couch, approaching him. When he felt strong arms encircle him he felt that familiar tingle spread throughout his whole body. It really did seem that Changmin only touched him whenever he needed comfort and Jaejoong hated that fact… just as he hated the fact that he couldn’t help his instinctive reaction to just melt closer to Changmin’s body.
“I could never hate you Jae, no matter what you say.” Changmin whispered close to his ear. The warm air made Jaejoong shiver slightly, but at the same time relax more. Because this was his brother and he’d never abandon him, no matter what… at least, that’s what he believed.
He just hoped it was true.
He got strength from his brother’s words and touch and inhaled deeply, trying to calm the threatening tears and slowly turned around in his brother’s embrace. Seeing Min’s eyes look at him so warmly made him not want to see them once he said what he had to say. He ducked his head under Changmin’s chin, inhaling his brother’s scent and hugging him back tightly. If this was the last time Changmin would hug him this way, if he was wrong that Changmin also felt the same, he wanted to make sure to memorize every second of it. He felt Changmin shiver and thought it was because his breath was tickling him too. Jaejoong was sure that the slight increase in pressure from Changmin’s arms and the heat of the room was just in his mind, so blinded in his internal struggle and last bits of denial that clung to his subconscious.
“Changmin… I-I’m in love with you…” Jaejoong said softly, not daring to open his eyes. He hadn’t even realized he’d closed them, too concentrated in memorizing the feel of his brother’s body so close to his own.
*
Changmin’s heart stopped beating for a second when his brain seemed to process what Jaejoong had just said. He was sure he was hearing wrong and that it couldn’t have possibly been what he’d heard.
“Of course you love me Jae. I’m your brother after all, plus we were born on the same day and almost at the same time. We obviously have that bon-”
“No Changmin. I-I don’t love you j-just as a brother…” Jaejoong trailed off. Changmin could feel how he also tensed up, as if preparing for whatever Changmin would do.
And do something Changmin did. Changmin couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. He abruptly separated himself from Jaejoong, looking at him with disbelief. A whole mess of emotions confusing his body. He wasn’t even sure where his emotions began and ended, they were getting mixed up with whatever he was getting from Jaejoong.
“I love you as a woman loves a man, as another man loves a man, when they want to spend the rest of their lives together Min. I know it’s wrong, I know I shouldn’t be thinking of you this way, I know that it’s a sin, but I can’t help it. I can’t help it and I’ve fought it all this time, kept it from you, tried to get rid of it, wished I was someone else so that I could actually be able to approach you the way I… but I can’t pretend anymore Min. I just can’t. And you know what?” Jaejoong laughed hysterically a second before he continued. “I can’t remember when I didn’t love you like this… I could only remember when I realized it, but not when I felt it. I know that I’ve always felt something different when I’m with you, but never knew what it was. I just thought at first it was that you’re my family and that it’s what every sibling felt for each other, but then as I grew older I realized the difference. How I didn’t like you being with someone else, how I thought about you constantly even when I didn’t want to, how even though I didn’t want to I found you attractive even when I didn’t know it was attraction I felt. I’d just always assumed that you were the one feeling something for someone else and that I was just receiving these signals, but now I realized they were my own. That I hid a lot, thinking it was just something that wasn’t my own sensations… I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore… but I do know one thing for sure. I love you Changmin, and I’m not confused on what type of love I feel… please don’t hate me…” As Jaejoong finished his sentence softly, he lowered his head and remained in his standing position.
Changmin felt himself backing away, abruptly sitting down when the edge of the sofa came into contact with his knees.
He was at a lost what to say or what to feel. He felt sort of numb at the revelation Jaejoong just threw his way. He couldn’t believe Jaejoong had said all that. His hands came up to hold up his head as he rested his elbows on his knees. He closed his eyes as the rush of his emotions came to him so abruptly it almost took his breath away. He shut his eyes harder when he felt emotions he knew he shouldn’t be feeling. He frowned as he focused on one.
Elation.
Elation shouldn’t be something he felt as his only brother, his younger brother, told him he was in love with him.
*
Jaejoong felt a tear drop down his stubborn eyes as panic began to set in. He just wanted Changmin to do something, say anything, just something to tell him whether he’d done the right thing in telling him and whether they’d be able to move on from this unfortunate incident and somehow find a way to act as if this didn’t damage the relationship they had. Seeing him there, just sitting quietly and not even looking at him… it was tightening his chest in panic. Maybe he’d chosen wrong, but he felt relief as well. It had finally been said.
He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the attention of his brother until he saw Changmin get up from the couch. He was so startled he jumped slightly, confused on how he could’ve zoned out so easily.
His breath hitched when he saw the look Changmin was giving him. When he felt his brother’s emotions switch from nervous to happy to scared to nervous again he felt more confused than ever.
“C-C-Chan-gmin?” Jaejoong asked hesitantly as he saw Changmin get closer to him. He wasn’t sure what was going on, just that his brother looked different from what he was expecting. He unconsciously backed away from him as the other got closer. His heartbeat increased and he felt as if it’d come out of his chest with how rapidly it beat. For some reason his body filled with nervous energy, making his whole body shake as he was backed into a wall with no escape for whatever his brother planned. He closed his eyes as Changmin body heat registered and he held his breath when he felt Changmin’s big hands cup his cheek. The breath he held left him in a rush when he felt Changmin’s thumb brush the stray tears off. That electric touch that sent sparks all throughout his body made his heart try to rush the blood through his body faster.
“Jaejoong…” Jaejoong opened his eyes, looking at Changmin’s beautiful chocolate mismatched eyes as he smiled down on him with a warm smile. He always looked so young when he smiled this way, no matter how many years passed he still looked as if he was younger than his actual age.
“I could never hate you.” Changmin said as he brought his other hand to wipe his other cheek. Jaejoong hadn’t even realized his tears were a steady flow now.
He finally broke down. A sob escaped him and he moved into action. His arms attached to his brother’s waist as he burrowed closer while letting out steady hiccups and sobs. How did he end up with such an understanding and caring older brother? His whole body shook as he poured his relief in the form of tears onto Changmin’s chest. Feeling euphoric that Changmin wasn’t repulsed by him to the point of never touching him again; feeling the strength of Changmin’s arms as they tighten around Jaejoong’s shoulders. Jaejoong felt that safe feeling he always felt when in his brother’s arms and for the life of him couldn’t stop his sobbing even if it made him look weak and girly.
It took a while to realize that Changmin was talking to him.
“Sshhh, don’t cry anymore Jae. Everything will be okay. Everything will be okay.” Changmin’s gentle voice soothed Jaejoong further.
“T-t-thank you Min.” He whispered sobbed into Changmin’s shirt.
*
“Jae… um… there’s… I… I also… Jae… I love you too.” Changmin blurted out. He wasn’t sure how to tell Jae that, so just blurted it out. He decided since his brother had been so honest, he might as well be too. He couldn’t hide anything from him anymore, not after Jaejoong took the first step and confessed something so big. He had to say it or else he’d never be able to.
“W-what?” Changmin could hear the disbelief in his brother’s wobbly voice as he separated enough to look him in the eyes. Jaejoong’s eyes were as wide as they could go with how puffy they were. Changmin felt the disbelief and hope that rushed through their connection, easier to feel when they were this connected.
“I love you too Jae.” Changmin whispered. This felt surreal. As if he was in a dream, as if he’d wake up and all these confusing emotions would disappear. All the hope, happiness, fear… love… would just vanish and he’d be stuck again having to pretend that he didn’t feel what he shouldn’t for his brother.
Changmin suddenly found himself without air in his lungs. Jaejoong’s mouth was suddenly attached to his, that electrifying sensation shocking his senses completely before he reacted to the touch. His mouth devoured Jae’s, feeling as if air was unimportant when all these emotions swirled around blinding his senses. When they finally resurfaced, both of them were panting and in shock, not able to believe what had happened. But when Jaejoong’s eyes crinkled in happiness and hope, nothing else mattered. Changmin wasn’t sure what would happen, their future uncertain, but he knew one thing for sure. Nothing and no one would separate him from Jae.
Epilogue!!!! ---->